Why Most Business Advice Doesn't Work For Moms (And What Actually Does)

In this episode of Building HER, I’m talking about the viralish reel that sparked thousands of conversations with moms building businesses while raising babies.

Because here’s the truth no one talks about in the online business world:

The strategies that work for childless entrepreneurs don’t always work for mothers.

When you’re building a business during nap times, bedtime, and tiny pockets of quiet, you don’t win by hustling harder.

You win by becoming laser focused on what actually moves the needle.

In this episode, we talk about the following:

• Why most entrepreneurship advice online doesn’t apply to moms
• The reality of building a business with limited time and energy
• Why motherhood forced me to become more efficient and focused in my business
• The 4 business principles that helped me generate six figures postpartum
• How to stop seeing motherhood as a limitation — and start using it as a catalyst
• The surprising reason moms often build smarter, more sustainable businesses
• Why you don’t need more time to succeed — you need better focus

and so much more!

Reel Referenced: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU28kc0jrB0/?igsh=MW5pNnhrdW42cHZ0dQ== 

Transcript

0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Kati Lillian. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that, because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you'll never miss an episode. So let's dive in. Hey, my name is Kati Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting hashtag sweaty selfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and. Challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. A few weeks ago, I posted a reel. It was titled, most Business Advice Doesn't Work for Moms, and we went viral ish for my account, at least the amount of women that were in the comments in my dms, the amount of saves and shares was. A very huge increase in terms of my more average metrics, and I wanted to bring it to the podcast. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll link it in the show notes below, but I wanted to bring it to the podcast because I feel like I tapped into something. I feel like I tapped into a very underserved market. In the coaching industry, or let's just take a step back. Entrepreneurial industry. So I'm actually going to read the words that I said. It was a talking head video, and then we're going to dive into it a little bit further here on the podcast because. I'm a yapper. Okay, so this is what I said in the reel. I was listening to the diary of A CEO the other day and it made me LOL because less than 1% of the people on the podcast are moms and breastfeeding moms. Yes, I still breastfeed. It's been 15 months. Help me please. I don't know how to wean her off. I am a breastfeeding mom, and those moms are basically non-existent. So here I am building a business, maintaining the six figure business that I have already built while breastfeeding my daughter, and I'm listening to the advice of childless men who have 14 uninterrupted hours a day. Who wake up at like 4:00 AM for a cold plunge and they live in some quiet villa in Costa Rica. I don't know. So, of course their strategies, they will not resonate with me because they have no idea what it's like to send an email with one hand and hold a baby with the other, or closing a 10 K deal via dms while breastfeeding. Just think about that'cause that actually happened. I literally closed a 10 K deal via dms while breastfeeding. They don't know what it's like to run a business during nap times, which is on a good day, two hours on a really good day, three hours on a bad day, one hour and bedtime post 8:00 PM. Hoping and praying. Please, for the love of God, don't wake up because mama has to make some money. Mama is tired from the day and if she makes it till 10:00 PM because she's exhausted herself to actually work on her business, well that's a good day. That doesn't happen every day, but that's a good day. So with all that said, as a mama of a 15 month old who has made north of a hundred K in her first year postpartum, yes we did. Here's what I've learned, and this is what I want you to know. Moms build businesses differently. We build smarter, we build softer, we build more intuitively. We don't win by hustling or grinding for 14 hours straight. We win by being intentional with the two hours that we do have. And let's not forget, some of the most impactful businesses have been. Created and built by women figuring it out with a baby on their hip, and one day you'll realize this, your limitations are not weaknesses. I still have to remind myself of that today. They're opportunities because they expose the gaps for you to change some things up and rise to the challenge and your greatest so-called distraction. It's not a distraction. It's your child. You're literally raising the next generation. I would argue that is the number one most important job, period. It's not a setback. It's an absolute gift. So that was my reel. That is what I shared on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube shorts. But yeah, it got the moms talking. Here's one comment that I received as an example, so you understand what I'm talking about here. If again, you didn't see the reel or you didn't check out the comments, this one says, oh my God, I am literally crying right now in actual tears. I am struggling to grow my business, and it's more like I'm comparing myself to other people that don't have. Small kids. I'm telling myself that I'm lazy, and when I am at work, I feel like I am the worst. Mom, I never heard anybody to say it like this. I really appreciate your words. I mean. There's so many more. Oh my God, yes. Sums it up perfectly. And you're glowing mama two years postpartum here. And building a business too with no support system. And being a single mom, I can't even imagine doing this as a single mom. Another one loved this, even when other moms have told me, get up before the baby does and work or work during nap. I'm like, yeah, that doesn't work for a baby that loves contact naps. Oh, there's so many. Yep. Don't bother listening to them, girl. You have to get that breast friend pillow so you can kind of type. Love this. I'm also a mom with a business from home while breastfeeding my son and keeping up with my three-year-old toddler. Let's go. I just, I mean, it goes on and on. And that's on every platform that, that, that was just from Instagram, but it's also TikTok. And then YouTube shorts a little bit. And so I find it laughable now because when I reflect back on being childless, wow, I had so much time, like endless hours in the day and night. I also hustled. And although I don't like to admit that because I'm so far removed from that version of myself, I absolutely hustled. And I think that that just comes from me. You know, being in corporate and climbing the ladder, like that's truly ingrained in you. And so I admittedly carried some of that. Call it work ethic, mindset, hustle, whatever, into me building my own business. Now, I do also feel like I needed that type of hustle at the beginning to get to where I'm at today. Because a lot of that work did serve me. You know, it fast tracked my way here especially when I was side hustling because my whole goal was to replace my tech salary. And so there was this amount of limited time where I felt like I could absolutely do it and leave and go all. So yeah, when I reflect, I laugh because I'm like, wow, I had so much time. Now did I use and maximize all of that time? I would like to think yes, but no. I absolutely did not. And it's so clear for me now because I have no time today as a mom, and I think that's what a lot of people don't understand, even with people that I'm, you know, I'm in masterminds with or previous mentors of mine. They're not all moms and that's nothing bad. I'm not saying like, you know, go be a mom and or try to be a mom and figure it out, or I, I'm not trying to play like victim mentality over here or what was me. But given all of that being said, there is an absolute truth to it. There is an absolute reality to it. And. I hate the discussion when people are like, well, just go hire a nanny or, or relatives, or whatever. Okay, so I totally understand. I am choosing What you're changing is not choosing, you're choosing. So I am choosing to live here in Florida Yes. Away from my closest immediate family members in California. So I got that. It's, it's me and Bert. And then I also am choosing not to search too hard. I am searching, but I'm not searching too hard for a nanny. But here's why I'm a mom. I am so connected to my daughter. I don't want anyone else. To have more time with my daughter. I don't want anyone else to raise my daughter. I had a baby so that I could have a baby, I could have a daughter. I could spend time with the daughter. I could raise the daughter. I didn't just have kids to then now give. To someone else. Now, please take that with a grain of salt. I'm not saying like hiring a nanny, babysitter, having family help you is bad. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is the reality of the time and loss of time as a mom is real, even with help. I'm choosing not to have that much help besides my husband and here and there family when they're in town or when we're visiting and then here and there. When I hire a babysitter or a nanny that I do like, which is really hard to find by the way. But think about that. Even, let's say I do hire a nanny, so bare minimum she would come. Let's say Monday mornings for four hours, so eight to 12, and then let's say Friday afternoons, two to six. Okay. So that's bare minimum because, and I say that because that's actually what the nanny company establishment that I'm going through, they require. Which I understand too, right? The nannies wanna get paid, like I respect it, but if you do the math, it's 25 an hour, so that's a hundred a day, 200 a week, 2, 4, 6, 8. That's 800. Nearly a thousand dollars a month that we just now uptick our family expenses by. So that mom could have. Eight hours back in a week. We're not saying a day a week so that she could move the needle forward in her business, and you better hope that in those eight hours she's efficient and she's clear and she doesn't feel fear. And she shows up online and she closes the deal because she's able to handle objections on a sales call. Like you better hope that she's actually doing those things in those eight hours and also doing it well because now she has to afford the thousand dollars that she's paying out to actually have her time back, and that's efficiency. That's like, you better not fuck up. But what if this mom who's been cleaning diapers all day and kitchen all day and making meals all day and trying to have a social life, and also working out her own body? What about that? What, what if she's tired? What if she wants to nap? What if she feels exhausted? What if she's still healing from the delivery? Because that's a traumatic experience as well. What if she's still healing on a physical level? What if she feels very isolated from all the other moms or all the other women that she used to be friends with, but now she has a baby and so they can't relate anymore? We have to understand that moms are underserved and the expectations that are put on moms to do both very, very well is absurd. And I say that with full conviction in my body. I, I have a list of notes here. I haven't even looked at it once. I'm just spitting the truth right now, and if you're not a mom, please don't come for me. Waste of time, waste of fucking time. If you are a mom, I really, really hope you feel seen, heard, understood. I was about to just cry right now when I was talking because we carry so much on our shoulders so much, and we make it look fucking easy. And so no one thinks that we need help or that the pressure should be different, or God forbid we get paid to be a mom. It is insane to me, and so we need to take care of our moms. This has turned into a tangent and a TED talk, but that is where this reel came from. This truth of what moms are dealing with and handling behind the scenes. To build a fucking business. And so in the two hours that my daughter naps again, if she naps for two hours, I'm not cooking, I'm not cleaning, I'm not working out. I'm not hanging out with friends. What am I doing? I'm working because those are the only two hours in the day that are uninterrupted. Literally, no one can have access to me. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb. Put on music, light a candle, make a coffee, full water bottle, like whatever I gotta do. And I'm like laser focused on the job because it literally feels like, like it's this race against time. Because I don't know if I have an hour, I don't know if I have two hours. I don't know if I have three hours. Okay, now. I don't wanna make this sound again, like I'm complaining or whatever. I'm truly just speaking my experience, my reality, and the pressures that are against moms, what I will say with this intense pressure, with this huge overhaul of how to run a business. Okay. It has actually helped me in my business because admittedly, before being a mom, I wasted a lot of fucking time. I didn't think I did. Like I thought I, you, you guys know if you have been here for a while. I, time blocked my calendar. I like every hour by hour was, Reserved for something, barely any white space. So I thought I made good use of my time, but now the amount of work that I can get done in 30 minutes would've taken me three hours before being a mom. What I've realized is I don't overthink anymore. I don't procrastinate anymore. I stop scrolling. I stop consuming, especially if it's before creation. I just told you, or maybe I didn't, I don't remember, but I've been consistent with my daily. Reels since January 23rd. So it's been almost two months of consistently pumping out a reel a day. Not only on Instagram, but also TikTok and also YouTube shorts. I could never have said that before having a kid. I was, I would always be like, ah, I ran outta time. I had no time, or I don't have any ideas. What do I say? Right. Like I was always kind of stuck. Yeah, I had content, whatever. Eventually I got it out. But in terms of the consistency on all three platforms and just not giving a fuck, like just pumping it out, scheduling it before batching the content like that is a new level I've discovered, and that is really, really fucking cool. And so that is the whole point of this episode, and that's the whole point of my reel. That's the whole point of bringing this message to all of you, is that either you can just fold under the pressure and you can give up and you can have the story in your head like, well, I'm a mom. I can't do shit. Well, I'm a mom. I have no time. Well, I'm a mom. No one gets it. And while that may be true, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything. You're still stuck in the same situation and now you're just more bitter about it. But what does help is if you actually do something about it and you actually change your ways and you actually own up to it, and you actually are accountable and responsible and you ask for help as needed, and you still get the shit done. Because I always say my business is my first born. And then came my daughter. And so my business is still very fucking important to me, and it's not even just for me anymore. I always talk about the freedom of time, location and money, which absolutely that's what I want for me as the business owner. That's what I'm doing all this for. Yes, I am building a life and business on my terms. Yes. However, the bigger picture, the mission, the impact, what I am doing all this for is much bigger than me. It's not for me just to have a fat bank account and work from California when my house is in Florida for two and a half months in the summer. It's for the women that I get to serve. It's for the women that I get to help move the needle forward in their business, in their life. It's for the women to feel a bit more confident. It's for the women to feel a bit more. Brave, courageous to quit the soul sucking job that they don't like to start the coaching business that they're so afraid to do, to show up online. That is what I am doing it for, and that's not just something that I can quit. I feel like a responsibility to these women. I feel like I owe it to them to pay it forward. I refuse. I refuse to quit. No, the only way I fail, the only way I lose is if I quit. It so I have become more efficient in my time. I don't overthink, I don't procrastinate. I simply do not have time to. So for example, instead of spending six hours tweaking your website or rewriting a caption or refilming re. Yeah, refilming a video. What am I doing? Instead, I'm sending 10 dms on Instagram to any new followers or anyone that has engaged with my content, or I'm sending follow ups to anyone that forgot to respond to me, and they left me on scene. I start more conversations. I check in with my people. I build relationships, I have offers. I sell them. We negotiate, we close, we handle objections. I'm talking high leverage, needle moving action. And you do not need all day for that. You need 30 minutes, I swear to you, you need 30 minutes a day depending on what the task is. Of course, this podcast is gonna be more than 30 minutes, maybe. I don't know. We'll see. But normally it's not that you need more time, it's that you need more focused work and more efficiency in the time that you do have. Okay, so here are four things that I've been focusing on since being a mom. Now, again, I'm only 15 months in, but here is what's working for me. Number one, focusing on relationships. Not everything is a business transaction. In business, it's all about relationships. So I'm talking to past clients, I'm talking to prospects, I'm talking to same level coaches. That I have in a mastermind. I have DM conversations, I have text messages, I have voice notes, like I'm doing things to one, maintain two, grow my network and my community. And that's, that's just online. That's besides the in-person St. Pete events that I attend to and therefore. I feel that creates authentic connection, which everybody wants nowadays and even more so. They will want it when time goes on and AI and all that stuff. They want human to human interaction and so the more you know how to talk to people and not be socially anxious, which does require confidence, the better off you'll be from a business perspective. Because everyone knows like no trust. The biggest thing that has moved the needle in the trust category has been my authenticity, has been my genuine connection, has been me remembering what the fuck someone said the last time we talked. And following up on that, actually, genuinely curious, how is that thing going? Number two, simplicity. And this is one that I'm still kind of dancing with So one-on-one clients is very simple to me in terms of the business that I want to create, and so I have to be very, very careful on. What feels good for me and allowing that to feel good for me and not, but being pulled into like what the internet says, which I'll get to in the next one here. But like I don't need complicated funnels. I don't need paid ads. I don't need any of that stuff. At least right now, in this season of life, in this first year motherhood chapter that I'm in, I just need a clear offer. Clear messaging, a clear A to B transformation for the ideal client that I want to attract in and resonate with. And that's it. I don't have to make it complicated, I just have to keep it simple. And number three, on the tail end of that,'cause it's very related, is intuition. So staying true to what I want to do, what feels good for me, what type of business structure do I want, and if and when I want to grow and scale and hire a team, which none of that sounds good to me right now, well then I'll cross that bridge when I get there. But for right now. One-on-one feels pretty good. Maybe it's on my heart to relaunch CEO and digital courses and things like that, but it still feels very like as I have time in, you know, a bite-sized manner, I'm not putting any pressure on myself. I'm not putting any deadlines. I'm not putting any expectations on myself because. What's the point? There's no joy in that. And so I constantly have to be reminding myself,'cause I'm literally going through this right now. What do I want? What does Katya want? What does my intuition say versus what does the internet want me to do in order to be considered successful? Right? And you can get really pulled down that path if you're not focusing on yourself and checking in with yourself with journaling and meditation and, and visualizing what you even want. The last thing is momentum. So. I think for momentum, we always think like we have to do this huge overhaul and we have to do big things and big launches and big masterclasses and sell out programs and all the things. And it's like, well, no, no, no, no, no. I believe consistency is rooted in the 1 1 1 formula, which is, can I do one thing today, one thing this week, one thing this month, just one. That's the idea behind it. That's the simplicity of it is so that it feels attainable so that it feels like, yeah, I can do this. And that's especially true for moms because you have so many other things going on. Right. And it's for your entire life, by the way. Yeah. There's school and whatever, but there's also different types of school. There's some moms that homeschool, I just interviewed Reese from Yes. Supply. She's gonna be on the podcast uh, next week. She's a mom of two and homeschools them. Like her business is half days'cause she homeschools the other half. So there's that caveat as well. So. It's more so about can I put up one post, right? Can I have one conversation? Can I even just get one client? And you just keep doing that, like these small little bite size, consistent is the key word. Actions that will move the needle in your business much further, much faster than you would ever anticipate. So. I am pretty much done here. I'm gonna wrap it up, but there's this limitation myth that I wanna debunk. And, and this is also for myself still, please, as you listen to this, like I'm still a new mom, I'm still learning, but this is truly what's happening and helping me in the current moment. I always, when I'm in this weak mode or I have a hard day, I literally just cried to Bert an hour before this. I. I feel like I use Mom the label as a limitation for all the reasons I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, and then when that happens, I feel sorry for myself. I feel victim to my circumstances, even though I wanted to become a mom, but I didn't realize, I didn't expect. How hard it would be, or just how many changes would need to happen me on a personal identity level, but then also in my business. And so I always have to shift back the focus to No, no, no, this is not a limitation and I'm not gonna hit pause and I'm not gonna. Tell myself that one day life will slow down. One day life will return back to normal. One day the kids will grow older and I'll have my time back. It's like, no,'cause that's literally decades away if that ever happens. So the limitation has to actually become the catalyst for you to double down, get efficient, revisit your processes, figure out what's working, figure out what's not working, delegate where you need to. What actually matters. It forces you to think and get crystal clear on what actually matters, what actually moves the needle forward in your business? What can I eliminate? What's dragging me down? What's a waste of time? That is amazing, and that has been the biggest blessing in disguise. About motherhood and having a business is, oh my gosh, I have been, I've become so hyper aware of those tasks, what's working, what's not working, adjust and literally just execute because I have that two hour window, that nap window. So. I really, really, really hope that other moms listening to this, or maybe you found me through that reel that I mentioned. I really hope you feel seen. I feel, I hope you feel heard. I hope you feel understood, but I also hope that this helps you kind of like the fire under your ass again and be like, you know what? I can build this. Business. You know what Katya is, right? I do have two hours during nap time. I do have time after they go to sleep, and I'm not talking every night. I'm not talking every day. If you wanna do a Monday through Thursday situation, go for it. If you wanna do keep your weekends free, please do that. Like we're not trying to do a all or nothing mindset here. What I am just trying to tell you is that. Your baby is not a reason to quit your business or to stop, or just to tell yourself, I suck and this is over for me. What I want you to know that your reason is the baby. The baby has become your new reason in order for your business to work. It's not the excuse, it's the reason to make it work. So. Huh, moms, you don't need more time to build a business and to maintain a business and to have a successful business. You just need to believe that the time that you do have is enough. So I love you so much. Thank you for listening to this podcast episode. If anything about this episode resonated with you please, please do me a favor, take a screenshot of this podcast. Post on your stories. Tag me at Katia, Lillian, I would love to connect with you. I'd love to hear what resonated with you. So thank you in advance, and I appreciate you. Until next time.