I Disappeared For 2 Months. Here Are Five Things I Learned.

I disappeared from social media for two months. I didn't plan too but I had nothing left to pour into my business while I was in California with my mom through her last two chemo treatments. She's cancer free now! I cried, she cried & she got to ring the bell.

This episode is about what I noticed watching the industry from the outside looking in instead of being in it. 

In today's episode, I discuss the following:

- Why I disappeared for 2 months

- What I think has become the new rat race

- What gives me the ick!

- Why I think people still only show the highlight reel

- Why opinions matter more and how like, know, trust is dead

- What happened in my business to prove success isn't linear and 

If any of this resonates, DM me and tell me. I take every feedback into consideration to form my next episode! 

Transcript

0:00

Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the Building Her podcast. I'm your host, Katia Lilien. If you've been loving this podcast, go ahead and rate the podcast five stars and DM me on Instagram when you do that because I want to connect and personally thank you. If you are new here, hit that subscribe button. It really helps the podcast grow, and that way you will never miss an episode. So let's dive in Hey, my name is Katia Lillian, and I am obsessed with all things mindset, personal development, and helping you build the best version of yourself. I'm a women's life and mindset coach and an entrepreneur who started a fun hobby of posting #sweatyselfies, grew a successful side hustle, and now I run a six-figure coaching business. I teach you the secret of building a life that aligns with your deepest values and one that you wake up excited for. This podcast is designed to expand your mind and challenge the status quo. So get ready to uplevel your life and let's start building her. I missed last week's episode. I can't believe I'm saying that because it's been over two years, I haven't missed a beat. But I remember waking up Saturday morning and I didn't even think about it. And I could have recorded an episode on Saturday, but I didn't. I didn't want to. Nothing in me screamed, "Go do it, Katia." I just let myself skip last week. And it's so interesting because I had to give myself grace and compassion. And I remember James Clear always says, "You can miss once, but you can never miss twice." And so made a, a, a pact with myself and a decision where, "Okay, I'll be back next week, but mama needs a break here for this week." And so I gave myself permission to get a week off, but definitely felt weird because my goal was to hit three years without missing a beat. But when life comes at you, life comes at you. Um, to give you some background and just context, for those that have been listening to the podcast, by the way, you know a little bit about what's been going on behind the scenes since I show up here every Friday. But in full transparency, my mom and her cancer just really took a toll on me. She successfully is cancer-free now. Yay. And we got the doctor's confirmation on Monday, July 27th, and it was so amazing. I cried. She cried. She rang the bell with all of her nurses and the doctor, and that was really special, and my dad took a video of it. And I guess I just didn't realize how much it was weighing on me until that moment where they announced she is clear. And gosh, just talking about it now wants to make me cry. Um, yeah. I, I was there for the whole summer and, um- I was there to support her, and I think just seeing her be so strong and, you know, despite her circumstances, she always had a smile on her face and loved hanging out with her granddaughter and really made the most of it. But, um, I know she was really having a hard time. She was battling it because she lost all her hair, which was hard for her. And then I was there for her last two chemo treatments out of six, and those last two treatments were, um, just really hard on her. She had side effects like nausea and, um, TMI, but diarrhea, constipation. She had brain fog, low energy, I mean, you name it. And, um It was three, four days after each chemo treatment where she felt like that. And then she felt better again for about three weeks until the next one. So witnessing that, um, I would say would be difficult. But it's, it's so crazy 'cause I, I hold a strong face and, you know, I, I'm the positive, optimistic one in the family. And so I just, I'm the one to hold it all together during the process. And afterwards, when I reflect and turn inwards and a little bit of introspection and just really uncover how I really feel, um, yeah, there's obviously some pain and emotions there. So I'm just proud of myself for holding it all together and being the strong one for her because she made it through. She's one of the lucky ones. They caught it at stage one. They had a successful surgery back in January, and now she ended her six chemo treatments. There's no sign of cancer, and right now she's cancer-free, so we could celebrate. I got back here to Florida on Wednesday and, um, been giving myself also some grace just in terms of my mood. I also, TMI, I'm on my period, so I'm not feeling myself in terms of my energy and, um, you know, going out to see my friends right away. It's more just staying at the house, cleaning, unpacking and laundry and sleeping in and eating good food and all that kind of stuff. So wow, I didn't think I would start this episode with tears, but here we are. So the point of this episode is the fact that I disappeared for two months, a lot of people I can't say a lot of people. Four people Four people specifically have reached out to me just checking in to make sure I'm okay, which I really, really appreciate that. Um, these are past clients Are they all past clients? Yeah, I think they're all past clients that have reached out to me just to make sure I'm okay 'cause they noticed that I'm not on socials and, um, yeah, that's weird for them. I'm normally on social media and they're like, "I just... You know, I'm checking in. I hope you're okay." Um, so I am okay, and everything has been successful. But what's really interesting is I didn't plan on taking two months off. I literally landed in California Mar- May 23rd, and I just... There was no will. There was no desire. There was no energy. There was no nothing to pour into my business. And I felt so grateful that I had my one-on-one clients. I have five now at... Well, at the time five, now five, and, um, they, they carried me through. I, I didn't need to show up on social media, and I'm just like, how fucking awesome is that? I, I truly... Like, the fact that I get to go to California from my home in Florida, live there for the summer so that my daughter gets to hang out and form core memories with her Oma and Opa, which is Grandma and Grandpa in German, and her aunt and her cousins and her uncle, like, that is j- that just means everything to me that I have a work and a job that can do that, and then also to be there for my mom. Like, that is why I built the business that I have built. Nothing else matters. Those two reasons right there is the reason why I have my own coaching business. It's not for anything else. It is for those two reasons. And so when I didn't post for two months, I realized, one, I don't have to post, um, for my one-on-one clients. Obviously, they get the value that they need from our calls and our text messages and our voice notes. But it was interesting to be an outsider looking in on social media. I definitely reduced my consumption of social media, but I was still on it just in case, um, I had some ongoing DM conversations, and I had one where I was following up with a past SheEO client. You know, stuff like that. Um, there was also a lot of like, uh, documents... Can I say documents? Like links that were waiting for me from many chat automations because, um, some people were, you know, giving away free downloads or whatever the thing was, I don't remember. But those were all sitting in my DMs too. So that's pretty much why I went on Instagram during my, uh, let's call it self-proclaimed hiatus. But being an outsider looking in, there were some things that I noticed and that I saw, and I wanted to share that with you because I think a lot of us are where I was two months ago. And unless you take a break and, um, significantly reduce your cons- consumption of social media, you don't see it. You don't see it. You get sucked in and you get s- consumed by it. So without further ado, here are five things I learned/witnessed in my time off of social media. So number one, this is a bold statement, but I believe it wholeheartedly. Entrepreneurship is the new rat race, and honestly, this, this kills me because as most of you know, if you have been following my podcast for a while and my story, I worked in tech for nearly a decade and it took everything in me, every ounce of courage that I had, I needed to use that to leave my tech company and go all in on coaching. And at the time, coaching was this shiny light at the end of the tunnel where I committed to myself, "You know what? Once I make it and I go all in on coaching, I will not have any problems. Like, I will be so happy in coaching and I will be so happy as a business owner," and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. However, you can get really sucked into hustle culture. And what I have noticed is that hustle culture is essentially repackaged- What am I trying to say here? Hustle culture is repackaged in the entrepreneurship label. You know? Like the, like the rat race. We're all on this treadmill going nowhere. It's almost like entrepreneurship has better branding, and it's sexier because it's still, quote, unquote, new-ish. And, uh, people are still building out social media profiles, or they're posting for the first time, whatever it is. But instead of climbing a corporate ladder for someone else's benefit and to fill their pockets, well, now you're grinding 60 to 80-hour weeks because that's glorified, unfortunately, for your own startup, your own personal brand. But there's no pension, there's no PTO, there's no... There's nothing waiting for you. There's no 401match, and there's no boss that tells you to stop or leave the office or go take a weekend or go take a vacation with your family. Like, the pressure is much more self-inflicted, and it's also pressure that we see from everyone else posting. And we see all this information now. It's all public information in terms of how much people are making. A lot of people are sharing their numbers, and I actually appreciate that. Thank you so much to whoever does that. But at the same time, it makes the hustle so real 'cause you're like, "Man, if they're making all this money, and they're making, you know, that per month, then what the fuck am I doing? And I need to be posting more and making more and hustling more and go, go, go, go, go." And I think my former coach used to say, "It's not about what we should do anymore. It's about what we could do," because we see all of the options out there. It's, it's like, no, what you could do is sell one-on-one coaching. But then you could also sell a group program, and then you could also launch a podcast. But then you could also offer a six-week challenge. You could also sell a low-ticket offer at $19. And then you could also start your own community. And then you could also lean heavily into YouTube. And then you could also only focus on one platform like Instagram. And then you could als- Right? You see all of these options. They are endless, and quite honestly, it's overwhelming. Because if you see so-and-so do this and so-and-so do that and so-and-so do this, you're gonna get pulled in so many directions, myself included. Ever since becoming a mom, I knew I felt a little distant. I felt a little disconnected from my product suite, The Big Shift and She-E-O. But I didn't know why, and I didn't know what to do about it. I, I know I love one-on-one coaching, thank God. That's my bread and butter that's keeping me afloat, but I, I fell out of love with my group programs. I fell out of love with the branding. I fell out of love with the title. I fell out of love with the pictures. I fell out of love with everything And so solopreneurship, which is what I am, has exploded. I looked it up. There's about 30 million solo businesses in the US now, and when you think about solopreneurs and solo businesses, they're not hiring anyone. I mean, they're probably working with AI agents at this point. And so it, it's just really, really hard to see all of this progress and success for people, and then you don't have any of it. So I just think this rat race is something that we really seriously need to consider. Now, here's the good news. This is typically self-inflicted because again, when I was off of social media and not worrying about posting every damn day, oh my God, it was so relieving. And it reminds you of the bigger picture of why to even post in the first place. It's not to copy each other. It's not to go viral. It's not to go trend hopping. It's to understand what is your vision? Why are you even posting on Instagram in the first place? What are we trying to do? What is the message that we're trying to share? What is the business that we're trying to build? What is the impact that we're trying to have? All of those questions matter so much more so that you can stay in your lane and keep the blinders on and post what you actually want to post and create what you actually want to create and don't care about what everyone else is doing And that is really hard if you are in the day-to-day grind. So if you feel like that and this message resonates with you, I strongly advise you and suggest take a break. I don't know how long you need. Apparently, I needed two months. I didn't put any timeline on it. I followed my heart. I followed my intuition. I followed my energy. And tomorrow is August 1st. I was like, "Fuck it. We're gonna start posting again August 1st." But that's after two and a half months of holding a lot of emotional weight and energy and everything I shared at the beginning of this podcast episode Number two, boss babe vibes is so repelling to me, and I cringe when I say that because I look at my past content and I was definitely giving boss babe vibes. And maybe I was, and, you know, it served a purpose and it got me to where I'm at today with where I'm at in life and the business that I have built. Like, that's not lost on me. I think I needed that chapter in my entrepreneurial journey. I really do. But now, oh my gosh. Any type of content that reinforces this boss babe... And, and I'm talking simple, like from the clothes you're wearing, from the, the Louis Vuitton, Louis Vuitton? Louis Vuitton, I can't even say the name, uh, heels that you're wearing. The red bottoms. Let's just stick to that. The red bottoms that you're wearing. Like, it gives me the ick. It gives me the ick because it's just all about the reputation. It's all about the brand that you are putting out there, and that's what it is. Because when we see a woman in heels, when we see a woman in some pantsuit and some blazer, we think right away she must understand the, the game of business. And especially with designer handbags and nice fancy cars, well, hey, she's got it all together. But I'm here to say that that is a load of bullshit because we have no idea what's going on in their internal world. Yeah, maybe they s- figured out success, and success leaves clues, as Tony Robbins says, but nobody talks about the art of fulfillment. Are they fulfilled? Are they happy? And at once when they were happy, did they have the courage to actually change direction? Or now are they stuck in their business? Are they stuck in this business because of the money that they're making? And lifestyle creep is a real thing 'cause they gotta afford now their mansion and their cars. And I'm not trying to talk you out of making money because I want to make mon- mon- Oh, I'm getting excited over here. I want to make millions myself But I don't wanna do it in a loud way. I wanna do it in a soft, quiet way. Like, I want the big house just to house my family, and I don't even mean my immediate family. Yes, with eventually two kids, that is on my heart, and I want them to have land and a backyard and all the things. But even more so, I want guests over so that they can have a place to stay. I want my mom and my dad to be able to stay for as long as they want because I have some kind of mother-in-law suite set up. Like, I view my house now as the place essentially where I pass away. When, when I think of, like, my dream home, I am thinking about morbid, whatever it is, where I wanna die. Because when you, when you are around death You really f- y- those thoughts come up for you and those questions come up for you of like, "Oh, yeah, when I'm at an age where I'm alone again in the world, where, where am I living and what am I doing?" And my answer was in a beautiful, comfortable, safe house that was full of memories, and eventually pass away there. Because if you're not passing away there, where are you passing away, the hospital? No, thank you. And so, like, that's why I wanna have a dream house. I want land. I want enough space and room for my dog and my kids, and I wanna be, like, the fun house. There's, like, this, um, I don't know who it is. There's th- some influencer woman I follow. I think she lives in Texas, but they have a huge house and huge backyard and pool and all the things, and they're, like, the entertaining house, like, become the fun house. And they have people over, and they're grilling and they're, you know, having games and movie nights, and it just looks like such a vibe. And I'm like, "That is my desire. That is my dream." I wanna become the fun house where people feel, you know, partially inspired because of the house that we have, but also seen and feel included and loved because they're over all the time, right? Like, that is my desire. That is what I want. And maybe my own veggie garden. I wanna start it actually at our current house now and see how I do, but I don't know anything about the seasons and Florida. I have no idea what I can grow. But I want that, that stuff. And I don't know. I feel like that's not as sexy, right? Because on social media, that it's not sexy. You want a business while you're the boss babe, and you've got the designer handbags and you've got the luxury cars and you've got the mansions that... You know? It's like, I don't want any of that. And that's okay. I had to give myself permission to be like, "That's okay." So anytime I see this shit online, it's repelling to me. I don't want any part of it. I wanna make my money, but I don't want any part of this boss babe era. It, it could not be further from who I am in my core. And I needed to step away from social media to reconnect with that version of me and remember, because girl, you can get lost in the sauce. Number three, we are craving authenticity more than ever right now. And I think a lot of us know that and are talking about it, then why are we still showing up fake as can be? Like, truly, I just, I just talked about boss babe vibes giving me this repelling Is it a, can I say it's a repellent? People only showing the highlights is repelling to me, especially people that I know, and we text and we Voice Note about vulnerable shit, and, you know, curse and all this stuff, and then on social media they're like, "Here I am with my glass of wine and my fresh manicure, and life is great." Okay, but what about the toddler tantrum that just happened an hour ago? You know? Like, don't just give me the highlight reel. I'm so over that. And as a consumer and business owner, I see right through that. Like, sure, go get your nails done and drink your wine. Like, hello, I love having my nails done and drinking my wine. I'm gonna have that tonight right after this podcast 'cause I wanna celebrate. But also show me the real in-between moments too. Or at least, like, speak about it, talk about it, something. Make you more human, make you more relatable. The less fake you are, the better. Like, truly. Number four, opinions matter. So what I have seen working for people... Now, again, this is me just being an outsider, 'cause I haven't been posting myself. I will start tomorrow. You heard it here first. August 1st is my first post back. I'm, I'm genuinely excited, so that just shows me that this is the right timing for me. But, uh, a lot of people that have been winning are just talking to the camera and giving their opinion on a certain subject, whether it's about money, whether it's about business, whether it's about motherhood, like, whatever. Instagram. Um, but, but the point here is that they're just being themselves and being honest and being vulnerable. So I think, you know, this like/no trust idea with marketing is gone. Because it's not about like/no trust anymore. It's more about, what is your opinion? Where do you stand? Because I like AI models now. That's not coming from me, that's coming from other people. People will send me reels where this, uh, AI influencer is talking to a mic, thinking that it's, like, a real person and it's a, on a podcast. Like, "Who is this?" And, "Have you heard of this chick?" I'm like, "Girl, it's AI." So the likability is gone because you are competing now with AI models, and people like AI models. So it's not really about who, who likes you or not anymore. I think we skip that part, and we are now in the know realm. Like, can I know Katia off of one video? How much information is she giving me in one video that obviously holds my attention and is engaging and all that stuff? But I wanna know Katia as quickly as possible to basically cut through the noise, because there's a lot of noise out there. So- How can I know Katya? And then the trust piece is just the consistency, I would say the rotation of topics. You come back to certain topics on a weekly basis. Um, you know what you stand for. You know what your values are so that you're not kinda hopping around. You're not just trend hopping and copying what other people are doing. Like, you are standing in your own conviction, your own opinions based off of your own life experiences. Like, for example, you cannot become a business coach if you do not have a fucking business. Do not come to me and say, "I want to build my own coaching business and, um, teach others how to build a business." And okay, great. So what business have you built? Nothing. Well, then don't talk about building a fucking coaching business. You're gonna talk about the shit that you've been through. You're gonna talk about the experiences that you have been through, and the people that like what you say, well, you have to trust that they're gonna be attracted and find you, and there you go So skip the like part. Go straight to the know part and the trust part. And I, and I really believe once people trust you, then you can create an offer that makes sense to them based off of what you were sharing in your social media. Like, the demand is already there because they're asking questions and they're sending comments, and so you see the repetition in that. And so then you can create an offer. And please don't make it crazy amounts, especially if you're looking for quantity, not quality. I mean, hopefully it's quality, but you know what I mean. Low-ticket offers, you have to go the quantity game. Okay. Last but not least, number five: success isn't linear. This is probably my biggest aha and takeaway, but I, in addition to my mom and being in California, I would say I went through one of the biggest identity crisises in my career, and I'm six years in, so that says a lot because it's the first time where I discovered success isn't linear. I started my business with one-on-one, and again, thank God that worked out for me, and I love it, and I still work with my five amazing clients. That's pretty much all the bandwidth I have right now at this point. But I then thought, "Okay, well, that's level one." Now, level two, in which I've been taught, is to start then group coaching, right? 'Cause you have your one-on-one. That's usually about 10K a month minimum. If not, that's okay, too. But whatever your minimum is. And then, okay, well, let's incorporate group now because now you can have 10, 20, 50 women in a group. Well, clearly your income has gone up significantly. And then once you have level two down and your group down, okay, well, then you can move into level three, and maybe you do more, like, low-ticket offers or a separate subscription community or... Right? But basically, the price will always go lower and lower and lower as you scale and expand. One-on-one is true level one. Okay. So that's what I learned, and it's very, like, black and white, crystal clear. Uh, makes a lot of sense. Still does. So nothing against the business model. I still believe in it wholeheartedly. However, no one has warned me about what if you fall out of love with level two? So you're at level two, and then level two caves under. Caves in, I should say. No one talks about that. Like, I thought, "Okay, one-on-one", and then, "Okay, group two. Level two is group," and then, "Okay," right? Like, what's next? And then just keep going. But I didn't wanna do level two anymore. So now I'm back at level one. Now I'm back to the drawing board in my business. And that was really hard for me to understand, because I'm at this point where I'm looking at my business, and essentially I need to burn it down, or I wanna burn it down, so that I can recharge and reflect and revisit what the fuck am I doing so that I can move on, and hopefully build something else. But now I don't even want level two. I don't want group program. Maybe down the road if the demand is there and I, I wanna do it, but I probably would do it more in, like, a community style versus this live launch model. But it's like, okay, well, now my level two looks a little different. Now on my heart it, it's, like, low-ticket offers and self-paced courses. Will that give me the most money? Probably not. But it also feels better for me in this season, and a lot of people don't talk about that. I could give you all the strategy in the world, but if it doesn't feel good for you and the season that you're in, and does it support motherhood, well, then I don't want it. So regardless of the information that's out there, 'cause again, strategy is out there, success leaves clues, that's actually not the hard part. The hard part is the art of fulfillment, like I said at the beginning with Boss Babe. I wanna be fulfilled. I wanna love what I do. I wanna love what I sell. I wanna stand wholeheartedly behind it. I never wanna have group programs and feel like, "Oh, I have to do this in order to be successful." That's how you get trapped. That's how you get unhappy. That's not the point of me building my own business. The point of me building my own business was for freedom, was for lightheartedness, was for joy, was for impact. So you have to be able to pivot as often as possible and know that this is the right move for you regardless of what everyone has told you and what everyone else is doing So, that's all that I have for you. I hope some of this was refreshing for you. I hope some of this resonates with you. I hope maybe this is even just a good heads-up for some of you, if you haven't gotten to this point in your business. But this was on my heart. I love you so much. Thank you for being here every single week. That's what I have for you. If anything about this resonated with you, go ahead and DM me and just let me know what spoke to you. I, I really do consider all the DMs that I receive about my podcast specifically, because it tailors what I post every week. So if you're like, "Ooh, Katia, talk more about success isn't linear," oh my God, I would create an entire episode on that. I can dive into all of these subjects so much more on a deeper level. So I always listen to your feedback, and I appreciate each and every single one of you. So thank you in advance, and I will see you next Friday