Navigating the Holidays with Mindfulness

In this conversation, Ashley and Nate explore the complexities of self-care and emotional well-being during the holiday season. They discuss the importance of finding moments of presence amidst the chaos, navigating grief and expectations, and the transformative potential of the holidays. The dialogue emphasizes the need for intention-setting and being gentle with oneself, while also recognizing the unique energy that this time of year brings for reflection and connection with family and community.

Transcript

Ashley Henderson (00:02.077)

Hi everyone. Hi Nate.

Nate (00:05.356)

Hey Ash.

Ashley Henderson (00:07.515)

Welcome to today's episode. We were just chatting and we thought it might be nice to just remind ourselves and anyone who's listening to really take time, make time to

Ashley Henderson (00:33.201)

not forget yourself during the holidays, to really find time to ground, to center, to come back home. And we were talking about all the different ways that we can get pulled out of our routine, of our sense of ourselves, out of our self-care during this time, whether it's time with family or food or alcohol or just

being on vacation, being away from home, and to just find those moments to center, to ground, to...

really care for yourself. Just seems like such a good time to remember that.

Nate (01:26.078)

Absolutely. Yeah, and as you're saying that, the very first thing that comes up for me, giving myself a bit of this advice, is to release any idea of having these things be ideal or like they are when you're not in the holiday time, when you're not being pulled left, right and center, when you're not being presented with all these

different social functions and gatherings and to just kind of embrace the do the best that you can mentality. Because I am already in the throes of this. have family staying with me right now. My kids are, I have one child who had a birthday last week. So we had a big celebration and just all the change in routine, I...

I can find in myself that I'm trying to pull myself back into the quote unquote normal routine and kind of check all of my self care or introspection boxes, which is like, am I going to be able to get my meditation in? Am I going to be able to get my hike in or run or whatever? And realizing that what's really going to benefit me most is to kind of almost jettison the idea of

how things should look and just do a little bit more of what you were mentioning in the intro, which is not forget myself, to bring myself back into this time and also maybe let go of how I think it should look and just take little bits and pieces of self-care where I can find them. And that that is gonna be more helpful

and less kind of triggering than like feeling like you're failing at your normal self-care routine, which is kind of what has been happening to me lately where I'm like, I missed meditation again or I did this because I'm with family and I've got in-laws in the house and the tone and the feeling and the energy of the house is just different and it's very exciting and it's festive and that's great. And that also means that

Nate (03:51.881)

For me to stay centered and present, I'm going to need to adjust and adjust my energy. And that means taking into consideration that this is a different energy in the house. so I guess the other thing that's coming out as I'm talking is the...

capacity to stay present in the moment and find yourself is really key right now. that's, it's kind of like putting all of this, it's like field testing a lot of the spiritual tools that we all talk about. It's easy to do all this stuff when you have a very fixed routine.

kids are off, that house is kind of quiet, you have a certain amount of time to get stuff done or you wake up before everybody, but you have things that throw your routine off and then all of sudden you have to be like, okay, now I need to be adaptable and see how I can do this stuff in a little bit of chaos. So yeah, those are kind of my first couple of thoughts. What do you think?

Ashley Henderson (04:57.095)

Well, I really like the sort of being easy with yourself. I think we always can benefit from bringing in a sense of ease and gentleness with anything that we're working on or paying attention to. While you were talking, I sort of had this feeling like I think a lot of people

feel grief during the holidays and that there's not everybody. Some people really thrive during this time and I think that's wonderful. But I think a lot of people have grief and I was kind of thinking that part of what this reminder could be about is really just tending to yourself, really tending to yourself, whatever shows up.

And if grief shows up, then really being with that and finding time and carving out time to be with that. And I wonder if there's some connection to the holidays around excess or anticipation or consumerism or intimacy in the family dynamic, know, difficulties in the family dynamic. Like what, what, has contributed to

people's experience of the holidays as a time of difficulty or challenge or grief. And I don't know, it's probably different for everybody, but there's a sense that there is a lot of anticipation around the holidays and expectation. It's supposed to be a happy, jolly time. It's gonna be wonderful. You're gonna have, you know.

reconnect with people maybe you haven't connected with and I just wonder if there's just this, we all know intuitively that when you have these big expectations, there's gonna be disappointment, there's gonna be sort of the other side of it, which is the crash. So how do you find maybe a sense of attunement or neutrality or presence?

Ashley Henderson (07:22.141)

as you go through it. doesn't necessarily mean you cancel the holidays. It might mean you cancel the holidays, but it might mean just being staying really present as you go through to notice, is my little boy or my little girl really excited or anticipating or does it have high expectations or am I feeling disappointment or something like that? And just really staying present with all of those feelings and

maybe using it as a time for healing, as a time for understanding or, yeah, I don't know. think there's always, the holidays always sort of have big growth experiences embedded in them if you're paying attention. And noticing your own pull to excess or leaving yourself or not being

Nate (08:06.605)

Mm-hmm.

Ashley Henderson (08:19.229)

true to yourself or whatever those triggers are, those pulls are, just really bringing presence to it all.

Nate (08:30.455)

Yeah, well I think it's interesting and kind of funny that kind of our remedy for managing yourself during Christmas time is presents. It's presents. And I'm being, I'm joking but I'm also being so, so serious. is, it's so big. Yeah, was watching, we were watching a movie with

Ashley Henderson (08:44.014)

Thank you.

Ashley Henderson (08:49.255)

wish presents worked, you know?

Nate (08:59.754)

the kids and the grandparents last night, all of us together, which was a lot of fun. And I noticed myself, you know, drifting off to tasks and doing things and then realize, I'm like, this is such a beautiful moment. You know, here we have multiple generations all sitting together. So I sat down, I sat down next to my daughter, my youngest, and.

grandma was on the other side and everyone's laughing and enjoying themselves. And I guess that's the other piece of this is just, it's really easy to kind of, there's like a weird momentum and a pull energetically around the holidays. And all of it is, a lot of it is geared towards having kind of special deep moments, but it's also ironically,

very easy to let them fly by. And so there's this interesting tension, at least for me, where there's like kind of so much opportunity and sweetness around.

Ashley Henderson (09:59.241)

Hmm.

Nate (10:13.952)

but it is very fleeting. if you don't take a moment and really look at it and kind of dig in and revel in those moments, then kind of before you know it, they're gone. we don't, as a culture, this is a weird time of year for Americans where we all kind of move into this space where things get very different. People smile at each other more, they open doors for each other. There's a lot of beauty.

to behold, but you do have to acknowledge and counter that with the idea that there's a lot of pressure and buildup and momentum. And so it's this weird, interesting juxtaposition that I have been feeling lately. And then ironically, the remedy is presence. It's just coming back into that.

coming back into the moment and really looking around as much as you can and trying to take it all in.

Ashley Henderson (11:21.441)

I love that, Nate. I love that. It reminds me of what it's all supposed to be about, right? Like, why do we get together with family during this time? And why do we think about giving each other gifts and being together? There's such a beautiful invitation there. And it can get very distracting very quickly in the stress of it all, in the busyness of it all, and in the excess of it all.

I think it's so, I love that reminder of just being present with these, I mean, our family, have our own traditions, you know, and even though my kids are teenagers now, we all look forward to them on some level, you know, to revisit these traditions that we have during this time. I just,

Ashley Henderson (12:21.169)

I love, I love, there's so many aspects of the holidays that I really love. I'm a sucker for like Christmas decorations and lights and music and kind of like the darkness even kind of brings us all in together and spending kind of time in closed time together. And so yeah, thank you for that. And I have that.

Nate (12:38.182)

Mm-hmm.

Ashley Henderson (12:51.017)

That's a beautiful visual of the multi-generations all together being together. And you're right. That's not, it doesn't happen all the time and we make special time for that. So to really honor it and be in it and revel in it, it's beautiful.

Nate (13:11.098)

Yeah, and it's also, as you were talking and I'm just thinking about it too, there's also a strong call, I feel a strong call to let it be for you individually, each person, what it is. And to not let how it is or how you perceive it to be for other people bother you.

or get in the way of any of it. And I realize that's another thing that I have been experiencing, know, just doing a lot of shopping, I'm out and about. And also I know that with some of my other family members, the holidays can be a little bit fraught. There is some sadness, there is grief, and there could be some tension sometimes. And so I guess the other thing that I'm thinking about is

letting everyone just have their own process around it as well. And that if I'm present and enjoying it or bringing my energy to it in the way that I feel called and not letting anyone else, not the way anyone, no one else needs to be a certain way in order for me

to have my relationship to it, then it also relieves a lot of tension. It feels like a lot of pressure kind of goes out in that realization where it's like, it doesn't have to be the same for everybody. You know, there's, it can't possibly be the same for everybody. And yeah, just, I don't know, I feel like.

I feel like expectation and pressure and momentum, these kind of words, can all be baked in a little bit with the holidays. And I think a lot of that has to do with perspective. A lot of that has to do with really having healthy boundaries and knowing where your energy ends and where other people's begins and non-judgment.

Nate (15:24.991)

and just kind of as much as you can, letting everything kind of be okay. Because you're going to get a lot of everything in this time of year. I mean, that is one of the hallmarks in a way of the holidays is there's, know, sometimes there's a lot of excitement. Sometimes there's a lot of sadness. Sometimes there's a lot of momentum or stress or pressure. And yeah.

Nate (15:54.904)

So don't, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (15:55.123)

togetherness. There's a lot of togetherness, right? And it's a different vibe. I mean, you really do have to adjust to it. And I think what you're saying is good. Really be aware of your expectations of others in all of it.

Nate (16:18.465)

That's the word expectation, there you go. I was trying to figure out, like, what am I talking, what am I, I'm circling around it, yeah, but that's like, you know, somehow doing, you know, this is a difficult thing for humans to do, but it's kind of, it's part of the work, right, is trying to divorce expectations, trying to separate them out so that what's happening for me is,

is mine and what's happening for other people's is theirs and that it doesn't necessarily acknowledging that and and letting it happen doesn't mean that you're necessarily going to let that affect your energy. And I think particularly you and I have both as we talked about on the podcast in different episodes, we kind of both identify as empathic people who feel other people's energy pretty easily.

And I think that's kind of what I was getting at is like, yeah, don't let what's happening for other people necessarily pull you one way or the other. It's okay to acknowledge it and to let them have that process, but also try to be more sensitive and aware of your own energy and your own needs. then that will...

Ultimately be the best for you and for the group dynamic

Ashley Henderson (17:48.209)

Yeah, it's so funny as you were talking, I was like, we could probably just go back and revisit every podcast we've done and say, like, do this, you know, because, you know, and we're not saying do this for anybody, but but just the reminders of what we're working on all the time. We're always working on letting go. We're always working on those healthy boundaries. We're always working on all these things. And I think right now we're talking about like

Nate (17:56.308)

Ha ha.

Nate (18:07.657)

Mm-hmm.

Ashley Henderson (18:17.959)

this particular time period can throw us off. And this is the time we probably need all of our practices the most, all of these conscious, you know, choices, you know, to really be conscious. This is probably the time that we need them the most because it's just a time that gets funky and brings a lot of things up.

Nate (18:22.495)

Mm-hmm.

Ashley Henderson (18:47.529)

for people and it's, I think that's beautiful. mean, I think if things are coming up for you, they're coming up for you. If the holidays are a struggle, if you can't wait till they're over, then this might be a really good time to pay attention to what that is about and really get intimate with it.

Nate (18:58.046)

Mm-hmm.

Ashley Henderson (19:17.513)

really do some inquiry about it and explore it without judgment, you know, creating like a new relationship to probably something that's old for most people and get excited about that potential, that possibility of growth. And I mean, I'm a nerd for that stuff, but I think it's amazing when we have the capacity to be aware.

then these things are just fruitful times. There's a lot in there. And I know you and I kind of had been talking about anticipating this time where you were going to have house guests and how you were going to take care of yourself. you had consciousness before you were able even to anticipate, you know, knowing that the schedule was going to be off and the vibe was going to change a little bit.

Nate (20:15.292)

Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (20:16.093)

You know, so that is just that consciousness is everything. It doesn't mean you don't want your in-laws to be there. You do. It's just it's just how can I stay conscious and stay connected in in a time when I could ease. can anticipate I might easily be taken out of that and go into a different mode. So I think it's it's it's amazing to watch ourselves. And and see. You know.

where our mind goes, where our emotions go, what our choices are.

Nate (20:52.515)

Yeah, I mean, when we were when you and I were talking before we started to record, I was saying it's like a time where you can really field test your spiritual practice because it's heightened. You're going to have unique and different opportunities showing up for you. There's a lot of things that can pull you one way the other. And I think for me, I can I can really see during

times of change or just yeah, kind of unsettled, things are different, that that is, that I can see where my routine and my kind of relying on that normal kind of pattern is almost like, it's almost like the spiritual practice gets a little stale. It's like, well, it's easy to do all that stuff then. I mean,

You know, when do you really want to be able to find your center in times of great stress and turmoil? mean, if you're in a position where that's happening to you, that is when a practice really pays dividends because when everyone else is kind of losing it or really following the energy of a group dynamic, you can turn inward and say, okay, I know where to go.

when things get a little hairy, I can go inside and I can reference this part of myself because I do it every day when it's not a problem. And so I think just that realization alone in that reframe helps me to then move through this time with a little more grace and ease. And that's kind of the genesis and the origin of what I was talking about when I was saying.

Just be easy with yourself about the practice and don't let it, it doesn't have to be perfect. Take it where you can get it and know that you, you know, we've done the work. And now let it, let it, let it kind of, let it breathe a little and also maybe don't be as rigid so that you don't miss the moments, right? I don't want to be pulling myself away from

Nate (23:17.952)

a fun group activity because I'm like, gotta go meditate. This is the time when I do this. It's like, I meditate so that I can bring more joy and balance and love into my life. if puzzling, having four or five family members around a puzzle and everyone's laughing and enjoying hot chocolate, like, hey, bud, that's the moment. Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (23:44.477)

That's it.

Nate (23:46.815)

It's fun to talk about this stuff because it really does, it pulls all these kind of disparate thoughts that are happening around the holidays together. And I kind of get a chance to coalesce them a little and like really examine the, just the way that your brain works during this time. It's like, it's a strange, it's strange kind of energy and good.

ultimately very beneficial. And I'm not talking about like the holidays are just fun and good for me because I enjoy them. But also when we come back to spiritual unraveling and some of the tenants and the things that we talk about, I'm realizing that this unique energy that the holidays present also give me a chance to examine my relationship to all this stuff in a unique kind of way because

things are different. And it's weird because it's kind of meta to talk about this stuff. And also, but their practices, I don't know. You know what I mean.

Ashley Henderson (24:46.983)

Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (24:55.323)

I know what you mean. know. you know, I was just thinking about how, you know, this week, this past weekend, I was able to meet this, this guy who has a, has a nonprofit called Mission for the Homeless. And he comes during Christmas time, I think because

to try to solicit support for what he's doing. He's doing this amazing work in the East Bay here. And I think he comes at Christmas time because people start to touch into this energy of giving and thinking about others. And I was just thinking how there's coming into the holiday season, I think a lot of our

like inner children are up and are active and alive. And maybe sometimes we get a little distracted or consumed by that. so having him come, you know, and talk and really talk about this, you know, just holding this bigger picture of people who don't have anything at all.

And it kind of pulls you into this higher perspective. And I think anything that can pull you out of getting stuck in your, what do we want to call it? Like conditioning or default mode or ego or, you know, stuck in like the little one that is maybe stuck in time a little bit developmentally or whatever, you know, we all have that.

Nate (26:35.444)

Mm-hmm.

Ashley Henderson (26:48.837)

But to hold a bigger perspective, like what you're bringing in about really being present for these beautiful gatherings, these beautiful moments that don't happen all the time. And then also thinking about, you know, this larger picture of our, you know, our humanity and our larger community of people and really including everybody in your...

in your heart during this time. know, there's sort of a heart opening. I was hesitant to bring this up because I don't even know what it is. Because I know there's Christmas, but there's also, it's not just Christmas that happens during this time. It's the solstice, it's Hanukkah, it's, you know, there's Kwanzaa. It's like all these things are happening during this time, but what is it really? And what happens in this heart opening that makes us more loving, but also more vulnerable?

Nate (27:31.272)

Mm-hmm.

Nate (27:45.98)

Mmm, yeah.

Ashley Henderson (27:47.145)

It's like more loving, but we're more vulnerable. So there's like a special quality to this time that has so much opportunity in it. So much opportunity for, I know for me, hearing Pastor Vinnie talk about his work with the homeless population just broke my heart open. Just really, I mean, I had to go to my car and cry.

It was so touching, devotion to service, devotion to serving the neediest of the population. It hit me, it struck me and opened my heart. And what that does when we have these big heart openings, it just takes us out of our worries and our little me and our little neurotic.

self, you know, it just like that just blasted into outer space. I just was like, you know, in this completely different zone and and what an amazing what an amazing experience and and gift and healing. So it's like we have this opportunity in these times to like go into that more open hearted space if if we're open to it, if we're looking for it, maybe if we're present to the

Nate (29:09.469)

Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (29:11.507)

possibility of it.

Nate (29:15.218)

Yeah, I love what you were saying. love all of that. And definitely one of the things that jumped out at me that I've been thinking about, maybe because we watched that one of the movies that we watched had this moment where it was like a Santa movie. It was the new rock movie with Santa and the rock wants to quit being the master elf because he can no longer see adults for the children that they once were. And he can't see their innocence.

Which is great. It's such as like cool, profound message. And at the end of the movie, he sees a dad talking to his son and then he just sees the two kids. And it's like that. There is inner child work that is happening around the holidays. And I think it comes out in this desire for connection, this desire for tenderness and support.

And I think it might be, it's one of the components I think that make it such kind of an interesting, energetic time for a lot of people. At least anyone who celebrates any of these kind of holidays where they have, it's not just about the like the Christmas holiday, it's also just this time where collectively we get together as humans and we reflect.

and we gather. And that's also just part of the New Year process as well. It's really, so that can elicit a lot of memories for us, a lot of past, every year we do this thing, right? How many things do we do like that? There's a handful of them and they're usually holidays. And so I do think it brings up for a lot of people this connection to the inner child and that could often, it's a wounded inner child.

unfortunately and so i i do think it it creates

Nate (31:19.976)

a very unique energetic signature. And there's a lot, the exciting thing when I look at it from kind of a pull, like when I pull further and further back from it, I can just see there's so much potential. There is so much potential for healing, for love, for sharing, for reconnecting, for just, yeah, repair, I think.

And it's paired with this time of year that is both encouraging us to be reflective because we're coming up to the end of the year and it's encouraging us to be reflective because it's colder, we're all inside. We've got this moment where we start looking back and kind of moving into an evaluative process about, know, wow, this year's almost done. What was it like? What would I want it to be next year? So yeah, it's.

It is a very interesting time of year and potential. I guess that's what I'm circling around here. There's just so much potential and I totally understand, especially as someone who worked at a nonprofit for a long time, why these missions, you really want to catch people in that special moment because often the work that these people are doing like Pastor Vinnie, is so much bigger than

than what most of us are able to accomplish. And if you can get in there and you can kind of get outside of your normal nine to five brain and you can see the beauty that some of these offerings are, you can support it and be a part of it as well, which is, I think, another beautiful part of the holiday season.

Ashley Henderson (33:08.593)

Yeah, and I just have to say this and, you know, we may not want to open this up too much, what made me, what that made me think of is really holding on to values during this time, because there is a pull into making this time about consumerism. It's weird. It's such a strong pull in our culture. And

Nate (33:27.199)

Mm.

Ashley Henderson (33:38.385)

And so almost in response to that, you could double down on what you want this time to look like for you. What do you want this time to mean for you? Is it a time of being together? Is it a time of solitude? Is it a time of quiet? Or maybe it's a time of reflection and visioning for the new year. Maybe it's time, you know, just.

deciding is a time of giving or openheartedness. What do you want this time to be about in sort of response to the culture telling you what this time is about? And so I think those are always like when you have that strong cultural messaging coming in.

Nate (34:20.735)

Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (34:33.925)

It's always like a good opportunity to be like, well, what do I want? What do I want the meaning of this to be? And I think these are like these mini acts of revolution that we can do is to say, I'm actually not gonna stress out about that, or I'm not gonna make it about this or that. And I know for me, I always talk to my kids about my kids. I feel very lucky, but my kids are very grateful for whatever they get at Christmas. And they always do wanna give...

They get into the spirit of giving and they love getting things too. It's joyful. But I think the values are there because that's been really important to me to bring our values in around what this time is about.

Nate (35:17.215)

Mm-hmm.

Nate (35:26.589)

Yeah, well, I'm going to pull what you said there and just we're going to pair with presence, which we've already decided is a big word. What you're talking about is intention. And I want to just make that a little more solid, because as you're saying it, it's really hard for me where we're recording this one week from Christmas. And so there's still time to set your intention, right?

And it's making me aware. I guess because I'm thinking about it in relationship to presence. Presence is fine. Presence is good. Being in the now moment, having kind of conscious awareness is great. But what you were just bringing in is this idea of like, set the tone. Take a word or two that are meaningful to you that you want to bring in. Because I do believe

on an energetic level, you know, from the metaphysical, that this is a very powerful time of being able to manifest and bring energy in and bringing. I do think that there is just there is ancient magic around these holidays. you know, you're talking about the kind of consumerism that gets put upon.

the Christmas time, but also I just, go even further back and I think about how the Catholic church kind of took over Christmas time and how they plopped it onto pagan holidays. And none of that is to judge any of it. It's all there, but I just think that it is indicative of a knowing and a reality that this is a powerful time.

for humans. And it's a powerful time of reflection. I think it's a powerful time of transformation. And the idea of intention then becomes a lot more important because instead of just kind of letting fall going with the flow, which we've done an episode on going with flow, we love the flow. That's great. But also intention setting is such a big thing because I think you really can make some big shifts right now.

Nate (37:51.763)

or realize some moments, whether emotional moments or different realities like bringing in the idea of grace or giving or just unconditional love or regard or walking around like the character in that movie and trying to see everyone you see as an inner child, know, just looking at them with different eyes. There's just so many.

But you have to have a little bit of that. I'm trying to do this, right? Which I love that you brought that in and how your personal values and what's so important to you, that's what drives it. Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (38:37.245)

Yeah. Cool. Well, this has been really, I'm so glad we did this episode because it does kind of shape now sort of the next few weeks. it kind of, I'm like looking forward to it in a really different way. And it's cool to invite everyone that we're in contact with into this

Nate (38:44.072)

Yeah.

Nate (38:56.66)

Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (39:07.337)

this kind of intention and energy and presence and consciousness, whether they're interested in it or not, but just to really ground into it sort of at the beginning of this time period and see how it goes. Maybe we'll come back and reflect about how did we do with our self-care and our consciousness around this time.

Nate (39:35.635)

Well, you and I can be Christmas lighthouses of hold your own energy, hold your own frequency, choose something high, because you could choose whatever you want. So yeah, cool. OK.

Ashley Henderson (39:39.665)

Yeah.

Nate (39:56.052)

Happy holidays everybody.

Ashley Henderson (39:57.929)

Happy holidays.