Reclaiming Your Wholeness

In this conversation, Nate and Ashley explore the themes of spiritual awakening, self-integration, and the importance of acknowledging and feeling all emotions. They discuss the power of personal responsibility in creating one's experiences and the significance of integrating disowned parts of the self. The dialogue also touches on ancestral healing, the role of boundaries, and the shift from ego-driven living to a more soul-centered existence. Ultimately, they invite listeners to reclaim their wholeness and embrace their true selves.

Transcript

Nate (00:01.899)
Welcome everyone to Spiritual Unraveling with Ashley and Nate. Before we get going, Ashley, how are you doing today?

Ashley Henderson (00:12.168)
I'm doing okay. I'm getting over another cold. So and I was just saying to you before we got on that I'm just sort of in full surrender to whatever needs to move through right now. But it's been it's been a long winter of colds. So I'm ready for this one to move on through. Yeah.

Nate (00:37.782)
Absolutely. Yeah, we're We just had a cold go through like every member of the house in Domino's style So it was like watching it coming towards you just waiting for your turn And I am happy to be on the other side of that a lot of stuff going on Okay, so it kind of leads into the the topic today I was

Ashley Henderson (00:56.888)
Yeah. Good.

Nate (01:09.017)
revisiting a teaching from this woman that I really like. name is Robin Jelinek and she channels a group called Athena in Truth. She wrote a book and I listened to the book and I got really into her podcast and her YouTube videos maybe like a year or a year and a half ago and it was really fascinating. I loved all the message but it was almost like I was

in information gathering mode and I wasn't in necessarily assimilation mode or putting it into action. And when I'm in that mode, I just kind of like burn through things. I kind of like, it was like an acquiring kind of thing. So I listened to all as much as I could listen to and enjoyed it and then kind of lost interest in it and just let it go, which I'm sure is kind of, is part of the

part of the process. And then coming into March, and we were talking about the energy of March before we got on, just feeling like these, the eclipses and the energy around this month had a lot to do with releasing and surrendering and being shown a lot of shadows. So that's kind of what happens during the eclipse is the things that are in the dark become prominent.

were looking into the dark during these eclipse moments. And I stumbled upon this woman's podcast again and re-listened to it. And the message came through and landed and integrated in such a strange and profounding way that I just thought we should come on and talk about it. And it's so simple and it's resonant with so many of the things we said, yet.

somehow it just hit differently and it was this way that she was discussing how everything that, everything negative or hard or any uncomfortable feeling that you've had ever is always your soul talking back to you, trying to just gently remind you that you created that. And that,

Nate (03:28.411)
piece of you that feels really hard, whether it's a feeling or an experience or whatever, is out of resonance until you kind of almost like re-ingested or re-integrated. And again, this comes back to some of our themes that are coming back into integration and into wholeness. And this is stuff that I know, but somehow in this eclipse month and...

Yeah, coming out of illness myself and then just being in this deeply reflective place of like, why are some of these patterns in my life still coming up? Having this really, really honest look and then loving and integrating really, really hard truths. Stuff going all the way back to childhood, mistreatment, stuff around money that's current, that stays in, feelings of lack, all of this stuff and just...

having really honest but gentle and no work involved conversations, just like, hey, this is yours, like Nate, you created this. And it wants to come back home. And until it comes back home, there's going to be a part of you that isn't gonna be able to pull in all of the new stuff you want. It's gonna be hard for these patterns to not keep.

perpetuating themselves because it's like an open tab on a computer. It wants to get closed down and wants to get reintegrated. And what was kind of profound about it was that for me in the moment, was a knowing that all I had to do was acknowledge it and love it and then not do anything else. And for me as a doer and a thinker, that was a, it wasn't hard, but it was almost like, is that really it? Is that all I have to do? And then,

The feeling though of believing that and the feeling of relief when these disparate parts of myself were able to come back home, it's like this new feeling. feels like fresh, it feels lighter, it feels so much easier and it's like letting you off the hook for so many of the things. And I realized that I had these insidious little critiques.

Nate (05:50.959)
spiritual or metaphysical around you shouldn't have these negative feelings or these and it was really just like own all the fucking feelings. You know, they're all there and they all want to be reintegrated. So I'm gonna I've just said a lot that was my little revelation during this month of looking into the darkness and I just wanted to get your feedback.

Ashley Henderson (06:14.786)
gosh, I love it. I love it. Can I ask you some questions just to dig into it? When you say that you have this realization that you created it, what do you mean? Because I think that's probably something that most people don't quite understand.

Nate (06:20.846)
Please, yeah.

Nate (06:36.929)
Yes, yes. It's a realization that it's a deepening and a knowing of what we've talked about in the I am presence. And it's this fundamental truth that I already kind of hold conceptually as a thought, but that was integrated as a knowing, which is every single thing that comes out of me is mine. That's it.

full stop, And that anything I elicit from other people or any interaction or experience that occurs in my life is my spirit's way of communicating with me and that it's mine. And on some level, I've wanted that. I wanted that experience. And there's something just incredibly freeing about that where you don't.

You don't have to judge it. You also don't have to get into micromanaging other people and their the ways that you interact with them. Cause all you have to do is say whatever comes out of them back to me is actually mine. I just get to own it. And it's like, just lets you off the hook. And it also turns everything into an inside game where all your power resides. So it

It feels weird to say that extreme accountability is freeing, but in a lot of ways it is. And I think the piece, I was thinking about this morning, the piece about it where I think you could get hung up is that the 3D or the ego mind believes in judgment. And I deeply believe that the I am presence, the soul mind, the bigger part of us has no judgment. only has

experience in acceptance and allowance. And so it does require you to at least call out judgment if you're not ready to give it up completely. And if you're ready to give it up completely, just be like, I'm not judging this experience as good or bad. What I'm judging it as, I'm not judging it at all. What I am acknowledging is that it's mine. I created everything is mine.

Nate (09:00.81)
It's like a song. It wants to go out and it wants to come back. And if you don't let it back in, that's where you get resistance, that's where you get like energetic blocks, all of this stuff. this calling back in of these disparate parts. And I know we've discussed this in different ways. And this is a good lesson, like meta lesson about spiritual awakening, which is conceptualizing something and then feeling something that's actually very different. And I've been conceptualizing this.

for quite some time and I've had moments, but this really did feel different in the way that I can say, like tangibly, that it felt different as an experience is that it gave me profound relief. So just this sense of ease and relief, like I don't have to disown any parts of myself. I can't say it anymore, like I think all of our human problems are because we disown parts of

Ashley Henderson (09:56.96)
I agree. And then we don't, we don't know how to integrate them. We don't know how to invite them back in. What I want to go back and just say this so clearly that you're not saying that you're creating it or the ownership of whatever happens to you. Good, bad, whatever, or how we, we like to label things good, bad, but that every single thing is a creation, but it's not about blame.

Nate (10:06.354)
Okay.

Ashley Henderson (10:23.978)
It's not about taking the blame off of somebody else and putting the blame on yourself, because I think a lot of times when we talk about ownership, we really mean blame. But you're not saying that at all. You're saying it's actually part of the journey, part of the experience of being human is having these experiences where we get to reclaim our disowned parts through

maybe negative interactions with other people. Obviously, I'm using judgmental words. Interactions with other people or illness or loss or challenges or thoughts that keep us stuck or whatever it is. And so once we shine a light on whatever the situation is and we shine a light from this I am presence to see it for what it is,

as a disowned part and we welcome it back by feeling it, accepting it, allowing it, you know, embodying it, then it does, it has its own

Nate (11:27.91)
Absolutely.

Ashley Henderson (11:39.022)
process of integrating, healing, transforming, and eventually sort of becoming a part of you in a way that is

Ashley Henderson (11:57.952)
adding to your sense of wholeness and what you're saying is even freedom rather than this part that you thought was negative or a problem or something that needed to get rid of. In fact, it becomes so deeply a part of you. You couldn't separate yourself from it, but now it's a part of this wholeness.

Nate (12:25.123)
Yeah, absolutely. And you said something key that I didn't fully elaborate on and that is the fundamental principle under this is feeling your feelings. All of them. And part of that non-judgmental thing that I was talking about, and particularly for anyone who's kind of listening to this podcast and that's into this stuff, is...

when you have a negative interaction with someone and you feel pissed off, you need to fucking feel pissed off. You need to say, part of me is pissed off. Not part of me shouldn't be pissed off because I should be over this. That is ridiculous. Or I shouldn't feel anger or I shouldn't this. It's like the very first stumbling block is denying the feeling and not.

Ashley Henderson (13:08.076)
Yeah, or I shouldn't feel anger.

Nate (13:21.892)
fully owning it or trying to massage it or trying to do whatever. And I will say this does feel like for me kind of a new thing where because of the amount of like spiritual self-help stuff, there are certain, and I know we've talked about this where certain feelings feel taboo or off limits, but this is even just more fundamental. Like I'm not good at law of attraction if I have negative talk, self-talk, or if I...

you know, get into an argument with someone. And no, it's like, no, this new kind of thing that I'm feeling is just like, feel it all and don't judge the feeling. Acknowledge that the feeling is actually a message from your soul trying to talk, trying to like give you some feedback. And I do think that the feedback is maybe this is something you don't prefer. It's giving you guidance, but you...

should not bypass or step over the feeling and just go to the guidance. The crucial part is actually accepting and feeling the feelings completely and saying it if you need to say it. again, that energetic song comes back to you. Your energy goes out and then it comes back. Otherwise, you've left a piece of yourself out there and you're in this kind of, and it does move you into the

Ashley Henderson (14:41.912)
Yeah, yep.

Nate (14:49.43)
this the blame game, I think, where you're giving, which essentially just means you're, one, you're being judgmental to yourself and to others and you're creating separation and also you are kind of covertly giving your power away. Not in like this, you know, it's subtle, but it's, you know, the things that someone else does can make me happy or sad or whatever in

It's all inside game. It's all you. And they're okay to be negative feelings, but recognize that they're your negative feelings that come from you and feel them and then move into a place of curiosity around, well, something in there is giving me some feedback.

Ashley Henderson (15:27.724)
Yeah.

Ashley Henderson (15:37.634)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a very humbling experience to really welcome these feelings back in that have been so rejected. And we learn to our, you know, all of these just they're like anger, you know, like, you know, simple things that we could move through probably pretty quickly.

once we allow it, but.

Yeah, I was just thinking when you were talking that probably a big part of depression and anxiety is what you're describing is the resistance itself to these parts of us, you know, and so that that reclamation, even though the process is hard because you have the conditioning and the the

Parts of you, the protectors that are saying, go there. We've learned through the modeling, we've learned through the culture. You don't want to accept that. You don't want to be that. You don't want to be insecure. You don't want to be afraid. You don't want to feel shame. What are the harder ones? Rage, hurt, know? Yeah. But depression and anxiety, these kind of chronic

Nate (17:02.067)
jealousy and yeah.

Ashley Henderson (17:08.226)
conditions are actually probably created not all the time, but often created by the resistance to these parts of us. And until we like open those doors, it takes a lot of courage and humility to open those doors and willingness to move out of the comfort zone of that protection. You know, this is such like...

I think it's where we're all sitting on the precipice of. And really there has already been a tipping point because people are doing parts work, they're doing IFS, people are doing plant medicine, which just kind of opens all these doors automatically. I'm doing silent retreats. We're kind of finding these ways to start opening these doors more easily.

Nate (17:49.394)
Yes. Yes.

Ashley Henderson (18:04.878)
You know, I had this epiphany this week, which is like probably the 10th time I've had this epiphany, but I have really been integrating a lot in the last six months, but in the last month, just there's been a lot of really uncomfortable integration, just kind of what you were talking about. It's like it can almost sometimes feel like burning. Sometimes it can just feel like

Yeah, I'm almost like this just really uncomfortable surrender and letting go. And that can be hard when it's like something, a sticky thing. But I had this kind of epiphany again this week that a lot of the stuff we are integrating is not just from our lifetime, but it's like past lives, it's ancestral healing, it's

It's stuff that got passed down through generations and we are stopping and pausing long enough to actually feel it. And sometimes it's like, I had an experience in the middle of the night this week. It was so brutal. I really felt like my whole body was on fire. It felt like burning. And it was mostly like shame and fear and insecurity.

I had no story to put it on. I mean, I could have, you can always create stories. There's likewise, like, I mean, there's material out there to create a story, but nothing felt really, like it really fit the level and intensity of the feeling. And then I, but I know the practice that you're talking about. So I just created this actually like a consciously created this loving container. was in the middle of the night and I created this, really

conscious loving container and let it burn. had the sensation of running. just thought, well, I'm safe. I'm here. I understand consciousness. It can burn. And as I let it burn, let it burn, let it burn. I just had that epiphany. I think this is not necessarily mine, but it is mine to like, I did agree to do this integration now, you know?

Ashley Henderson (20:31.49)
And I think a lot of people are doing that right now, whether they know it or not, you know? But there is, we did sign up for this, I think, at this time.

Nate (20:37.006)
Yeah.

Nate (20:42.794)
I agree, yeah. Yeah, I love that you acknowledge that leaving it in the un-narrative raw form, it allowed you to keep it in that place where you could work with it. Because as soon as you take it in a narrative, you move it into thought and then you create, but yeah, story. And I do believe that there is a ton of lineage in ancestral work.

and we're talking about this, so we should just, yeah, I think March created, I think these eclipses and this energy in March created a closeness to kind of universal consciousness, like that the veil was very thin, and that the energy of the month was to show you kind of everything.

to reveal things and to bring up anything that is there. And I think what you're noticing as someone who has been getting into the layers of the onion, the more and more is that for some of us, it is going to be these kind of amorphous feelings that are just like, don't know where this is coming from, but I'm processing it. And I think that that can feel really disorienting, but.

that you're awesome for doing that and figuring out how to like in the midst of it, create that container and just let it with again, no judgment. You're just like, okay, this wants to come through me. That's awesome. But I do think that for everyone out there who might be listening that to really acknowledge that this was a big, there was a lot of big energy around us. And I know that there's also, this is the end of like,

This is the end of a really big Vedic cycle as well in Indian astrology. It's almost like cosmology, like really big, the end of almost like a Mayan calendar type time in the beginning of another one that happened right around the equinox. there's a reason there's a lot of people talking about the energy that we just went through. There's a lot of stuff coming up and it's not this kind of.

Nate (23:06.186)
You know, we hear, at least I listen to these things around the energy and you think it's kind of impersonal and big and just wait for the energies of March, they're gonna be big, the eclipse this, and I start to kind of unpersonalize it or just take it in this weird way. But it's all personal. It's all just, it's all, everyone is having this deep work that's happening. And then you have this collective work that's also happening where all of this light is being shined.

on things that are out of balance. it's things that we don't want to look at are going to be, we just, got a good glimpse of it personally, globally, all of it. And I think it's all for our good. I'm not worried about any of it because it all feels like these are parts of ourselves that wanted to come back home. And I love that you talked about parts work in all the, in plant medicine and

in silent retreats. These are all access points that we have created just to find wholeness. And it's going to work differently for different people. And when you're coming from a therapeutic framework, you know, some of these coping mechanisms that we have developed, they're so insidious. You know, we've talked about this before with codependency. Codependency is so hard to see because it's so socially acceptable and it's like enmeshed in people. And then

You have people that are like highly defended. My wife and I were just talking about this how coping mechanisms have like, they form like a symbiotic relationship with your ego and they become so hard to pull apart. Coping mechanism or codependency is hard to see and it's hard to call out. Defensiveness, literally you couldn't acknowledge or pull apart the thing that's keeping you safe because you're defended.

So you can't deal with the thing because you're so brittle and fragile, you're so defended that even acknowledging that you have a defense mechanism around being defensive is it so, it's like so weird. You're like, gosh, our brain is so good at this stuff. And that's why things like parts work or different modalities. think, I don't think you can take someone from zero to own it all.

Ashley Henderson (25:07.79)
Thank

Ashley Henderson (25:13.443)
Great.

Nate (25:31.953)
It's all yours. I don't know that that's necessarily fair or appropriate for a lot of people, but that to me, that landing and that realization after kind of creating a lot of my own work was really profound. But I think all of these things are basically different, softer avenues to get us back to integration or wholeness.

Ashley Henderson (25:54.83)
Yeah, totally.

Ashley Henderson (26:08.906)
yeah, I remember now I was going to say no. You know, when you were talking about this, when you first introduced it at the beginning of the episode, I could just feel the excitement in your, hear the excitement in your voice and really feel the energy that came back into you from rediscovering this, you know, piece of the puzzle and then really working it. Like you can almost feel it, you can hear it. And I want to say,

As you were talking, I was remembering that the night, the day after this experience that I had in the middle of the night where I really made room for this experience and it really felt like burning and I, I didn't sort of have any thoughts about it the next day, but spontaneously the next day I had these really deep loving thoughts spontaneously come into my mind.

that were different than anything I've ever experienced before. And it wasn't on purpose. didn't, wasn't doing mirror work or like consciously trying to like have positive self-talk. I should do that more often. So I'm not putting that down. I just, it was just this spontaneous appreciation for myself and the appreciation, it wasn't coming in as like a good job, Ash kind of feeling. It wasn't like,

an ego hit, like a ego like you did such good. It was more like.

You're amazing. Like you're amazing just the way you are, just for what you're willing to do and like put up with. just had this appreciation for myself separate from my own kind of perfectionistic ego mind, you know? It was like this other voice, this other part of me that can really love myself unconditionally.

Ashley Henderson (28:09.498)
and we're just, we are not in that part of ourselves very much, even if like my son prays every day. Well, and, and, and he does feel this like unconditional support, but it's still outside of himself, right? He's probably projecting that onto, but, but there's this, but he's still accessing that, which is really cool. But this was me to me spontaneous. And I just thought, that's probably directly.

related to this allowing that I did the night before. And I bet there's more to that. Like I bet there's some magical thing we could unpack from that. But I do see it on retreat. I do see the difference between people coming in the first day and they're kind of in there. Like they've got their protections up. They've got their walls up. They're a little scared. There's a little hesitancy. they're not. And then as we go through and there's nowhere to hide, not to be.

You know, there's nowhere to hide. You know, there's nothing to describe. Yeah, nowhere to hide. Yeah, there's nowhere to hide. so emotions show up, thoughts show up, patterns show up. There's nothing to do but integrate. There's nothing to do but share and witness and bond.

Nate (29:10.594)
That should be the next tagline for your style retreat with Ashley. Nowhere to hide.

Ashley Henderson (29:31.414)
And by the end, it's just love. mean, people are like, I don't even know anything about you, but I love you. This happens on every retreat. And there's so much self-love. There's sparkling eyes and beaming smiles. so this integration has this very profound effect on the body and on the mind and on the...

And I have this thought this week, it all comes back to love. It really all comes back to love. Like we're seeking the love that we're holding for ourselves. That is what we're seeking. It's inside of us. It just needs to get unlocked. It isn't easy, but it's totally possible. And it's totally inside of everybody. This unconditional love that showed up for me the day after this event.

is totally inside everybody. This is not a me thing, you know? And that's so cool. And it's free, by the way.

Nate (30:31.721)
Right. Yeah, I mean.

Yeah.

Yeah, I that was you. I really do believe that that feeling was part of you coming back in. In the...

Nate (30:53.813)
so hard to choose a word that isn't kind of dualistic, but the deep appreciation probably that your soul had for you to move that energy through and just like, it's you, it's all you. So it's you thanking you for moving that and that you, when you wake up the next day having this kind of elusive feeling of well-being.

it's more wholeness, right? It's more of you, something that was moving through you that was not disowned or unclaimed. was like, I'm gonna give it a place, you know? And it's not like it doesn't stay in you, but it gets to move through you, especially like past life lineage stuff. I mean, this is kind of interesting. This is why I think, you you're describing the energy as fiery and this kind of burn.

and I'm talking about a soul song going out and coming back. And it may seem like these are kind of airy-fairy words, but part of the reason you have to use these ephemeral words is because we are talking about like the ether. We are talking about energy. And it helps to keep it in these very loose terms because I do think that the glimmer that you see in people's eyes when they,

integrate themselves and have time with themselves. It's not anything you can really, you can't cognate up. You can't talk it through. You can, but you lose it.

Yeah, it's reclamation work. It's just really coming back in and the...

Nate (32:49.576)
Calling it work is even missing the point. I think the part about it that feels hard and the invitation you give in retreat is...

getting from the house to the car or getting, you know, it's getting, it's doing the obstacle which is being willing to look at it. That is actually the hard part. The integration happens as soon as you're to own it, to look at it, to engage it, really. I don't think you need to do lot more than engage it other than, you know.

It's not gonna be helpful if you engage it and then you hate it and you judge yourself or label yourself for it. But I actually, think for a lot of these things, the acknowledgement of them will actually create that spark, that tingly feeling inside of you. It's not all rainbows and roses and stuff, but it's profound.

Ashley Henderson (33:32.684)
Yeah, yeah.

Ashley Henderson (33:52.653)
Right.

Nate (33:56.837)
and it will fill you with some, you will feel energy and you will feel a sense of relief just, even if we move this out of metaphysical and we just move it into psychological, there is a sense of relief that your brain and your subconscious will have when you close a tap. You just, to use like that computer metaphor. Like I no longer need to hold or defend or create.

psychological cognitive structures to keep this thought or experience at bay. And as anybody who has experienced or lived with trauma knows, you build walls and then over time the walls come chipping down and the anxiety just rises and rises at, my God, I'm gonna have to face this thing. I think you had mentioned in one of our last podcasts that

The fear of one of your clients was that there would be this dump truck of anxiety or emotions that comes in from trauma. And I'm not saying it's easy, but also it's a lot bigger in your mind than it actually is when you start working with this stuff.

Ashley Henderson (35:14.06)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I think that it's probably right in front of our faces so much of the time. It's like the elephant in the room. So you might think, well, what is this for me? This might feel like a little out there, like we have some ability to see.

what needs to be integrated that other people don't. And actually it's like the elephant in the room, whatever the elephant in the room is. But a lot of times our meaning that, you know, the thing that needs to be integrated.

For me, I'll just talk about me. A lot of times the thing that needs to be integrated is not integrated because it's still in my unconscious. It's still not fully conscious. So one example of this would be like the unconscious safety mechanism of needing to be liked. So if I feel like somebody likes me, I feel safe.

I feel like I don't, I wouldn't have to get in touch with whatever this terrifying, I'm imagining would be terrifying if somebody didn't like me or something that I might get hurt, right? So this has a root in my childhood. I really get it. I really understand it, but it can still function on an unconscious level. And then like, you know, I can think of an example, like 20 years ago.

when I was working at a job where I had, you know, a certain circumstance arose where I was deeply unliked at this job that I was in and people stopped eating lunch with me. It was just this really crazy thing that really, and it came about because I had a different value.

Nate (37:12.152)
Yeah.

Thank

Ashley Henderson (37:24.162)
Like I was really locking into a value of mine that was non-negotiable, but it was a different perspective than the rest of the group had. And so I have this year of like not being liked. And the most beautiful things opened up during that year. Not only opportunities and relationships and all sorts of things, but an inner strength came in.

simply by tolerating this thing that I was terrified of, which is people don't like me. Now I was in every single day, I was in people don't like me all day long and I survived and I was okay. And I found something deeper and safer than people don't like me. I found I can live by my values. I'm...

You know, I have my own back in this situation. I didn't compromise myself. That drew in relationships with people who I had alignment with, more alignment with. mean, was like so many gifts came in by this situation that life orchestrated for me that it was perfect for this integration process. And it lasted a long time, you know? And it was okay.

And I survived. And so a lot of times things are unconscious and life kind of is like, OK, well, we're just going to help you along here. what you're saying is it's not life doing that. You're actually creating that. Some part of you has created a situation that's perfect for you. Couldn't be more perfect for you to be able to do this integration work.

Nate (38:55.361)
Gonna turn the volume up.

Ashley Henderson (39:16.428)
And so our job is when we feel triggered, when we feel resistance, when we feel out of alignment, or we have ruminating thoughts that are not pleasant, you know, that's the elephant in the room. That's where you pause and you say, okay, if I look at this from source, if I look at this from unconditional love, what's a good way to look at it, right? From this, not from...

the protection itself, not from the ego itself, then we kind of start to see this masterful intelligence that we've created to do this integration work. And it's right here, probably for everybody right now.

Nate (39:47.647)
Mm-hmm.

Nate (40:04.413)
Yeah, yeah, mean, you know, inspecting the circumstance is so alluring. It's like, gosh, we're so, we love it. Let's just dig in there. Why do these people not love me? Why am I being rejected? But you know, to go back to like your example, the hardest thing in that moment or maybe the ask and what is difficult for people would be to say,

Ashley Henderson (40:15.864)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Nate (40:34.576)
I'm feeling, you you're just like, man, I'm feeling deeply judged and insecure and I really want these people's validation or just to be part of the in-group and it feels so bad to be part of the out-group and then to just let that happen and then recognize that in a lot of ways that's self-hate. I mean, it's just a part of you. If you love yourself,

really deeply and you really own it, then you don't give a crap about what other people think about you. It doesn't mean that you're mean or you're rude or you're dismissive of other people, but it's like it wouldn't even land. It just wouldn't even happen. But that is like much easier said than done and I'm not saying that that's the way we just do it for everybody, but like that can be incredibly triggering to just say, okay, you know.

these people who legitimately, know, whatever, their situation is all real, and I'm feeling these feelings, and they're real, and they hurt, and they hurt my feelings, is all me, and there's probably a part of me that, like, basically, they are me, saying this stuff about me. That's why it's so hard, I think that is the challenge, because you really, moving away from circumstance and judgment and just,

Ashley Henderson (41:51.64)
Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Nate (42:02.085)
really, really owning this is all me. But in the minute that you are willing to do it, it becomes, it's like Play-Doh. It's like all of a sudden it just becomes something you can work with and you're like, I don't love a part of myself. And then you're like, of course there's parts of my, I mean, I'm too fat. I snore, I do, you know, I'm this, that, I'm all of these things. And it's just.

it moves into this kind of looser place of just like, well, let's bring it back in. It's not such a big deal. It's not a big hairy monster to feel these feelings and then follow those breadcrumbs of where is this coming from? And then you can work with it, right? Then you can do the deeper self-love integration work, but it, yeah.

Ashley Henderson (42:52.866)
Yeah, totally. Totally. I've been working with this. I'm so glad you just said that and brought us back to the original point, which was, it's all us really. that these like, you know, recently I had sort of, I had somebody, I mean, in a really kind way, criticize something that I had taught and

And I smiled to myself, like, that is me. I have insecurity about, you know, these things, and this person reflected my own insecurity back to me. And I just had this like moment of like, I love that. I love that it got embodied in a way where I can like really work with it and look at it.

You know, but look at it as me. It wasn't about this other person being any which way. I was like, thank you. Thank you for showing me that this is in me, you know, and really having my ownership. It's just wild. mean, even if somebody is horrible to you, horrible to you, it's a reflection of some aspect of you. And that ownership is freeing. It's really, really freeing.

Nate (44:20.246)
Yeah, and I would just say one part of this. What's that? Say it again. Right. Yeah, and I was just going to say one tiny little point on that moment of the recognition in the gift. It can feel like, and it's very important to make this distinction because it's another way that we give our power away. The other person isn't giving you the gift.

Ashley Henderson (44:21.87)
because they're not victims anymore.

Because we're not victims anymore at that point. Yeah.

Nate (44:50.336)
you are giving yourself the gift. I know you know that, but I'm just saying that more broadly because that can feel like that distinction is important because if we move into this place where like, well, people treat me these kind of awful ways or do these things with me and I just have to say thank you to all of it. It's like, no, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. The way that the people in your life are treating you and the circumstances and the reflections they're giving you.

Ashley Henderson (44:53.283)
Yes.

Nate (45:19.188)
are you. Your soul, your higher self is channeling through that person and creating a situation where they're gonna echo to you something. And it is a gift. And you can thank them for being the vessel for the situation to come through. And you're doing it for them in a reciprocal manner in that same interaction. But the origination of the message.

and all of it is yours. And the reason I say that is one, to not give your power away, but also two, to just, it's a deeper level of self-love and the gratitude is to you. like, thank you for showing me this. You don't, a part of me no longer wants myself to be insecure or to have teachings called out because I know my stuff quite well and

and I'm reincorporating mastery,

Ashley Henderson (46:42.222)
What did you just say? What was the first part of what you just said you were highlighting?

Nate (46:46.099)
Yeah, I was talking about the just delineating that it's not someone else's gift to you, that it's your own stuff. It is you giving it back to you.

Ashley Henderson (47:00.396)
That made me think about boundaries. That made me think about boundaries because it isn't like we're saying, thank you. Keep treating me badly. It's like once you'd have the ownership of it, it becomes so much easier to set a boundary if a boundary is needed. But oftentimes, once we fully own these aspects of ourselves, people move away who are...

treat you that way. They stop treating you that way. They disappear or they, I mean, we don't often even need to set those boundaries, but sometimes boundary setting in those situations is important. But if you just set the boundary without doing the work, somebody else will probably come in to take that person's place because the lesson hasn't been integrated. That part aspect of you that is judging you or is not fully integrated is still out there.

So you will create another experience for you, another opportunity. so I don't want to say that like, and then you never have boundaries. It actually becomes so much easier. The boundary is really the self-love and integration. And then also maybe you set a boundary with this person, but it's easier. It just becomes a no-brainer, you know?

Nate (48:14.503)
You wanna move boundaries from band-aids to reminders, right? When they're in the situation of not integrating the lesson and to not really own the boundary as something that's a signal to you, and then you set it that's fine, but if you set the boundary and you don't actually integrate the underlying message that was coming to you from your soul,

Ashley Henderson (48:21.101)
Yeah.

Nate (48:41.767)
then you're always gonna be doing that. And so you're gonna be band-aiding it all the time. The difference is that once you integrate it, you will still, we're humans, we're constantly peeling layers of ourselves back, so don't worry, you'll never lose this. It will just become more and more infrequent. And then when it does happen, it's not a band-aid moment, it's a reminder. okay, there's a part of me that wants to be integrated and there might be a part of me that is,

that is being devalued or isn't totally being honored here, which is why this lovely situation is creating itself to tell me I need to set a boundary. And what a different way of living, right? You get less, you don't have to do it as much. You're not constantly setting boundaries with people. You're going to the root of it. And then when it does come back, you're almost happy or excited or playful with it, because you're just like,

you know, there's this piece, I Remember You, Old Friend, and it's just, it's a very different game.

Yeah. Well, I'm new at all of this, I don't want to, I don't want to have this, you know, I have this excitement as you noted and I'm going to be working it all for a while. So it'll be interesting to see how this unfolds, but yeah, it's a, it's a invitation to anyone listening to just rethink how we

how we look at these kind of problems or situations or narratives in our lives. And I can speak from personal experiences, someone who lives with and has lived with profound anxiety and different stuff throughout time ebbs and flows. The relief is just such a, it captures it. You know, it's such a good feeling when something is just lifted off of you.

Ashley Henderson (50:45.454)
Excuse me. What'd you say? You're not what?

Nate (50:47.639)
not talking about enlightenment or some huge thing. It could lead there. I'm excited. just at a very functional level, the integrating of these feelings, the acknowledgement of these feelings just creates an immediate sense of relief. I don't have to defend against that. I don't have to keep it out. I don't have to work it or do anything with it. just get to

own it immediately and just be like that pisses me off that's annoying me or this that and then and then work it a little but really for me I'm in the place of just feeling the feelings.

Ashley Henderson (51:30.21)
Well, my sense about this particular thing, which is, is to me is just such a major game changer in living and just how we live and how we digest life and how we receive life and how we're interacting with life and co-creating. So it is a major, major discovery and game changer, but in a larger perspective, what I perceive and

Again, this is just conceptual, but you can start to feel into it, which is this tipping point from orienting to life in reaction from the ego to orienting to life from this eternal I am presence. so your ego starts to live in the service of your soul rather than in itself. And I think that

that we're in a tipping point and you're either on the train, you know, heading in that direction of alignment to your souls.

purpose, journey, existence, guess even, but, you know, or you're spinning your wheels, trying to be a better ego. And I think we're like hitting the end of that. We're hitting the end of just self-improvement for self-improvement sake. We actually need to do this breakthrough to really realize the truth of who we are and then use our.

bodies, personalities, egos, to live more free, live more true, just be ourselves. And I think this is a major, major part of that. I don't know that we can do, we can truly be ourselves until we're in the process of reclaiming ourselves more and more.

Nate (53:35.998)
Absolutely. So yeah, there's the invitation. There's the invitation. You're welcome. There is the invitation to everyone is to reclaim the lost parts of yourself and live more from spirit and less from ego.

Ashley Henderson (53:38.572)
Thanks for bringing this in.

Nate (53:56.51)
Enjoy everybody.

Bye.