Shifting Identity

 Explore the transformative journey of shifting identity, spiritual awakening, and embracing sovereignty. Nate and Ashley discuss how to navigate feelings, let go of old patterns, and cultivate inner peace and wholeness.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Nate (00:04.376)

Welcome everyone to Spiritual Unraveling with Ashley and Nate. And on today's podcast, we're going to discuss identity, shifting identity, coming to terms with

a new identity that forms after spiritual awakening or even just spiritual awareness, a new level of spiritual awareness. And one of the reasons I was bringing this up with Ashley is I had some friends visiting our house last week and I was very aware that my identity now has shifted so much that it was creating some discomfort.

mainly for me, I think, in how I felt I was being perceived. And this is all, of course, this is a good reminder about the struggles that come with ego and identity. And it was just very fascinating because it was a very kind of silly thing that my brain was doing. My two lovely friends both were

in corporate America for big tech companies, when I was working a more consistent full-time job that wasn't a spiritual coach, I was working at a nonprofit therapy farm. So I have never been steeped in corporate America, but it was a funny thing. There was a part of my egoic brain that was like telling me I was

not as successful or a failure or a weirdo. I don't know. There was all these kind of the internal chatter because I was having these conversations about corporate work culture with my friends and how much money they were making. I was aware of all these different aspects coming up and it was good for me because I don't want any of that.

Nate (02:15.245)

And there's nothing wrong with it. It's just it really hasn't ever really been my gig. But I was fascinated with analyzing and sitting with after the fact how that kind of ego identity and the dissolving of that, the process that I have been in over the last couple of years of trying to let go of all of that stuff, particularly

identity around work culture and what you produce or what you put out in the world is what gives you value. And that has been a big thing for me to just let go of, because even when I was working in my nonprofit, doing really good work, helping at-risk kids, I loved it. I was always driven by production, like how hard am I working?

how many interactions can I do? You know, it was very much steeped in that, this shifting away into spiritual stewardship and trying to help people navigate this journey that I am on, which has been totally disorienting because when you stop identifying yourself as a worker in a society that is

very much organized around making people work or having people work or being productive. It is just very confusing. the last week is just been a process of reintegration, sitting with myself, giving myself a lot of space and grace to feel those feelings because the culture is a big powerful thing.

And you can't deny when those identity aspects come up and get big for you, that there are always going to be some vestiges that you need to dig out, root out, acknowledge and just make peace with. So it's been a very fascinating journey. Ashley, I know you have some thoughts on identity. I don't know. Well, what do you think of that? And where do you go?

Nate (04:41.599)

We talk about identity.

Ashley Henderson (04:43.555)

Yeah, that was a good example, think. One, because it's something that you've really been working with. so your awareness of it in the moment is something that I think is a really important thing, right? Because we have a lot of those programs running unconsciously all the time. And we often don't know what to do with

what the emotions that they bring up. So we have programs that are out of alignment with the truth of who we are. then, you know, it's, have to do something with the feelings and then that creates secondary issues where we are avoiding the feelings or we're projecting the feelings or, you know, passing all those feelings around. And so, so anyway, that the one was the awareness of it, the ownership of it.

is also super important, like that sense of responsibility. And then giving yourself space to feel the feelings is the healing. The healing happens when we have all of those factors on board. And it doesn't mean like healing forever amen, like you're never gonna have that experience, but like I think it is so cool when these things come up.

to be able to see, this is really up. There's something here for me in my, you know, for me to really look at and maybe get to a deeper layer of. So those things can end up being such a gift, those experiences. I've had a bunch. mean, I'm sort of always in sort of varying degrees of confronting.

different aspects, one of the things that, well, I had a retreat recently and on the retreat, what really occurred to me about some of these aspects of my personality, and you and I have talked a lot about codependency, codependency meaning, you know, people pleasing or, you know, what I'm folding in sort of perfectionism, people pleasing, seeking validation outside of myself, maybe giving my power away.

Ashley Henderson (07:07.343)

all in the service of connection and safety, perceived connection and safety. I sort of had this realization that I've had before, but we always have them on deeper levels, they just don't work. They're not working anymore. I've reached a level of maybe.

good way to say it is truth in my being, it's probably similar for you on that weekend that like just going into a victim or a story about them judging you or maybe even you judging them, it just doesn't work anymore. It's just not true. We know it's not true. And so I was sitting with this idea of these things don't work, you know.

And there's sort of a, shit moment when you really see that your operating systems aren't working anymore. Because if they're not really working and you're really not buying into it anymore, then what do you do? Where do you go from there? And so I've just been letting myself sit in the space that's left when I'm not operationalizing these things.

And I will say there's a lot of grief, actually, and fear, and it's kind of intense, and a sense of kind of aloneness. And I've been, like you, giving myself the space to just feel into those things. And I had this, this moment.

recently where I was like, wait, this is, this is, I think what sovereignty is. And I think it's part of when we, when we talk about sovereignty, it comes with an ownership or responsibility for all of these things. Like you can't outsource them. You know, being a victim doesn't work, being judgmental projection and none of those things are going to work. And so you're left with just.

Ashley Henderson (09:19.719)

those feelings and the reality that it's up to you. So it's like the good and bad news because I was saying to you earlier when I get in touch with sovereignty in one moment it can really feel like peace and like a deep relief.

And peace beyond are like ideas of peace, like a really genuine embodied sense of okayness and peace. Well, that's amazing. And then this is like kind of the other side of it, which is you got to own it all. You have to be willing to see it all. You have to own it all. that's a lot. There's a lot of responsibility in that. so I don't know. What do you think about all that?

Nate (10:08.251)

Yeah, I love that. What I think about it first, I wrote something down that you said, so I'm going to I'm going to say that in a minute. But what you were talking about was a callback to our last episode to around things that are cope are coping mechanisms aren't working anymore. So I just wanted to mention that if you that resonates with us in our last episode, because we did a whole thing on that. And I totally agree around the the loneliness.

aspect of loneliness isn't the right word is it? It's like it's a loneliness in I think it's a loneliness in the sense that when you step onto this spiritual journey a big thing that happens is you have to reckon with the void in some way or another. We come into this world

alone and we die from this world alone. We both believe that we are threads or aspects of a larger divine collective, God, Source, Energy, the Galaxy, whatever you believe, but that the relationship here on Earth is you in Source and it's a solitary one.

At least initially, you know, that's part of the game is this polarized light and dark thing. And then part of coming back into wholeness and into sovereignty, as you were saying, is moving through that. Moving through that disillusionment all the way to the void and then stepping into the void and hanging out in the void and then.

If you're lucky, you pop out the other side into kind of like unity consciousness, which is I got, I let everything about me fall away until absolute nothingness. And then when I could actually sit with that without judgment in neutrality and be in that, then the gift on the other side of that is complete connectedness to everything, which, you know, I'm saying this with words. I don't fucking know how to do this, right?

Nate (12:34.002)

This is why we sit, this is why we do our practice, this is why we're bringing awareness and grace and trying to bring neutrality to all of these experiences that we're going through on the spiritual path. But I think it's important to remember that that's the promise. That is what we're going for and it's not that we're trying to go there to be...

above or higher or some other spiritual entity. We're going there to remember that we're all aspects of this divine unity, this consciousness energy. it's a lot. mean, I don't know. I'm sure some people might, this might be a little amorphous to kind of wrap your head around, but it's a strange thing. Go ahead. What were you gonna say?

Ashley Henderson (13:25.867)

No, I actually think that was really good because you have a really nice way of articulating sort of the map. And it's funny because we love a good map. I I love a good map. My mind, I actually physically love maps, but I also just love a map. I love to know where I'm going. You know, I want to work hard to get there and da da. And it's funny because this idea of the void, you know, that whole picture that you just painted.

I was like, there's the map, but it's not a map for the mind. You know, it's a map for another aspect of yourself. And so, you know, I think the mind, it's useful for the mind. I'll just say this piece, like it's useful for the mind to have that conceptual map.

to know, okay, you're gonna loosen your grip here. We're gonna be loosening the grip here. there's, know, cause the maps can be permission slips. They can be permission to do this work, but the actual embodiment of this stuff is the name of the game. And it's, as you said, fucking hard, you know? Like it's, it's, it's, it's not,

Easy. So that's why I really like the idea of like a word like sovereignty, like sounds really nice. And then when you actually like are going through the steps towards embodying sovereignty, you really pass through this exist, these deaths. It's like death after death, after death, after death, because that is the map. We're saying it out loud, right? That's the map.

and yeah, it's not easy.

Nate (15:21.35)

Yeah, we're doing a great job selling this spiritual enlightenment thing, are we?

Ashley Henderson (15:29.623)

God, don't think anybody should be selling Awakening. I really don't think anybody should be selling Awakening.

Nate (15:35.769)

Right. Well look, actually the biggest example we have, at least in the Western world, of a guy who got enlightened was a dude who got nailed to a cross. So I don't think anyone has ever really sold it particularly well. I did want to highlight something. I wrote something down that you said in the very first time you spoke and it's so good. It's not exactly connected to identity, it...

Ashley Henderson (15:45.56)

Yes.

Nate (16:02.618)

but it is in a way because this is about how we heal and come back into wholeness. You said, so good, I love this, you need the space to feel the feelings because that's how you do the healing. I like it because it's got a little rhyme, but also it's so true. I guess why I'm interested in this and bringing this back up is because it's nice to have some action.

steps or some ideas about where to go with a shifting identity. And a big part of it is acceptance and making space for everything that comes up with a shifting identity, which could be fear, can be loneliness, it can be judgment towards yourself, towards others, and that the

Anticdote to all of those feelings is acceptance and flow and looking at them and allowing them to just be right. So and letting them move through your body and that feels that sounds easy in action. It can feel difficult because we've spent and this goes back to identity. We've been indoctrinated in a lot of ways to not feel hard feelings.

So just a small side note, in that weekend where I was feeling those feelings, what was one of my responses? I had a couple of beers, I ate a bunch of crappy food, next morning felt like crap. And it was like, go back to the other episode about the coping mechanisms don't work anymore. That was an old coping mechanism. I had an ego hit. I felt a certain way. I didn't want to feel the feelings in the moment.

So I numbed out. It wasn't crazy. It was like a couple of beers, but I haven't done that in a long time. And then I was left the next day with all of those feelings still there. And so as I moved into the week, it was time to look at them, process them, let them be. So yeah, this is, I love that statement that you said. And I'm also just aware that sometimes

Nate (18:29.177)

when we're talking about these things that can feel like, do I do with this information? Awareness and feeling are two huge action steps to help you along the process in shifting identity.

Ashley Henderson (18:44.867)

Well, I don't know if this is something, you didn't say this explicitly, but what I heard in that story that you just shared about kind of going into numbing the feeling, the feeling came up, you know, and you kind of probably made a conscious choice because you're Nate, you're very aware, you know, you probably made a conscious choice to numb, which is totally fine. And then you woke up and you felt like shit and you were aware.

And there's something about the whole thing that is giving you a front row seat to how you maneuver through the world. And if you can get in that front row seat and not judge yourself and not go into, or let's say you get a front row seat to the feeling, you get a front row seat to the...

avoidance or the numbing, you get a front row seat to feeling like shit because you kind of abandoned yourself and then you judge yourself and then you get a front row seat to judgment. Think about like, you know, the it from my perspective and again, I'm a therapist. Sometimes this stuff gets a little nerdy, but like that is an incredible.

collection of patterns that you just got a front row seat to that you could make a lot of space for. And in the acceptance of making a lot of space for all of those things, you're getting a lot of movement there, traction. So I think everybody that will ever listen to this podcast can relate to that example.

everything you said about it, of the Friends Visit. Everybody can relate to that. We're all doing that. That's just part of our cultural patterns. might look different for you. It might be two beers, that might be something else. And we're moving to a place where we're seeing it so clearly. We have all the information.

Ashley Henderson (20:55.715)

We don't need any more podcasts. don't need any more information. We have it all right now. If nobody made one more podcast about anything we're talking about, like we all know, we know what we're doing. We have awareness of what we're doing. And so now it's time to step in and really bring that neutrality, neutrality in. That's going to be the game changer for shifting our attachment.

We can get attached to you can get it. You could get attached to self abandonment. You could get so comfortable in self abandonment that that becomes your identity. You know, so so it's like this this working with neutrality and working with awareness and making that space where this stuff can process is is this this next phase. I feel like we're we're all stepping into like it's time.

it's time to start really letting things move.

Nate (21:59.414)

Yeah, I love that. And you had mentioned that when we were doing our check-in before we got on, and I did it in that story. I was intentional in the way I told that story because it highlighted kind of the way that we can fall back on story and on identity and all of these things. But what you and I had talked about before we started recording and that you just brought up there is this great moment, which is,

the reminder, the really weirdly difficult but fun reminder that everything is working out for you, that it's all there is a gift. And what you were describing was that that whole scenario for me was a gift of pattern recognition. It was this really beautiful, and it wasn't actually really difficult. I have had times in my life where doing those things resulted in very difficult.

kind of life circumstances, you know, ending up in the ER one night, know, having, waking up wondering where am I, you know, many, many years ago. like the signal that the universe is always giving us is it's there. And I was really appreciative that in this situation it was not a big signal, but it played out.

And then it was nice. And now I get to sit with this recognition, own my own sovereignty and say, all of this was there for me. It's all a gift. There was nothing wrong in any of it. It's aspect of me, of my experience that I get to observe and bring into awareness and let all of it be and

have one part of me that says, I didn't really prefer that, right? And that's okay. It often edges into judgment, I didn't like that, that's all right. But it's also, it's like that soft edge right there is where you and I get to be with the current state of our kind of like spiritual growth, which is like, we are in a world where we get to define preferences.

Nate (24:26.475)

but also trying to be in a place of acceptance and neutrality for what's happening because when it falls back into really stark judgments, right or wrong, bifurcation, that creates, it moves us further away from separation. It moves us more into separation and away from kind of wholeness and connectedness.

Nate (25:02.738)

It's very difficult to be handed sovereignty and gifted that because it comes with lot of responsibility.

Ashley Henderson (25:17.771)

It does. I was just thinking about, we started talking earlier today before we got on about sort of the state of the world and things that are getting revealed. and, you know, my process of that I've developed for

digesting my own personal experience in the world is now really coming to be useful in digesting sort of these big revelations that are happening. And so it's the same process. It's the same process, right? You could create a story, you can go into fear, you can have a resistance, you can have reaction, you could be in denial. You there's so many ways to handle.

things as they're getting revealed. And I think we're just at the edge of it. think it's the tip of the iceberg right now at this March 2nd or March 3rd, March 2nd today. so think we're going to select. So create having your own like. What do even call that? Like, you know, your own practice of how you work with what.

comes up in your life, you these patterns, like that is going to be so important. It's just going to be so important for how we are going to collectively move through the world really dismantling and changing and being rebuilt.

Nate (27:00.509)

Well, you brought that up because what you're talking about there is what we were talking about with that solitary or loneliness aspect, which is every person is going to go through this shedding process, this revealing process, this reckoning, if you will.

Ashley Henderson (27:01.827)

Why did I bring that up Nate?

Nate (27:29.125)

It is all going to happen for you in a very personal way. So we have these huge global events. We have war. We have child trafficking. We've got exploitation all over the place, power dynamics. And it is a mirror for how our current societal setup, whether you're in a capitalist or communist or any kind of nothing on the planet right now that I see, except maybe some tribes in New Guinea.

have a system that is in balance, a system that is embracing everyone's personal sovereignty, a system where we don't give power away, a system that's not hierarchical, where we are out of fear and control looking to others, right? So all of this is not working anymore.

And we see examples of it not working in how sick most of our society is. this is again, globally there's a lot of sickness, whether it's mental health, whether it's physical health, whether it's just the manifestation of really, really unbalanced power dynamics within a society. They're all systemic kind of examples of how this

way of giving power away is not working for humans anymore. I I know we've talked about this, about how we believe that we are aspects of the divine. We're individuated, but we're here having this kind of collective experience. That's a core belief of mine. But another core belief of mine that I believe is like a

powerful, powerful signal throughout the universe is freedom. And I don't mean like American freedom. I don't mean like capitalist freedom. I mean sovereignty, like absolute utter freedom to have any experience. The freedom to give your power away. The freedom to experience war. The freedom to experience sexual trauma. The freedom to experience joy. The freedom to experience everything. All of the world, it's all there.

Nate (29:53.417)

And also, it's yours. And everybody will experience that reckoning of where do I sit with sovereignty and freedom? And it's a scary freaking thing when you have to accept that you have a part in everything that you're seeing in the world. All of it lives inside of you. We are all mirrors for everything that's happening.

you also have control because you are a sovereign being. And so when you start taking back control and you start dissolving those identities, it can get, it can just get a little weird. I think, you know, we've kind of talked around it, but that's, that is a big part of what I am experiencing currently. And I know you are as well, which is a lot of

a lot of contrast right now in the world as we are seeing this unfold and kind of break down and then also just observing that there's a lot of pain and suffering as people are still caught in these patterns and the recognition hasn't quite happened yet. I know everyone is in it and getting what they need and everyone is...

Everyone will get there because I believe from many, many NDE listens, as soon as you pass over, all, you drop back into the universal pond. So yeah, what do you think?

Ashley Henderson (31:37.583)

Well, my mind was going to, if somebody's listening to this and there's maybe some anxiety starting to go, wait, I've got to digest all this stuff or process. It's almost like I just had this experience on retreat of.

You know, the one thing that we have on this retreat is silence, you know, and no distractions, so no phones or anything, you know, and everybody found that connection with themselves. wasn't, there was nobody that got left out of that, right? It was, it's such a incredible thing to witness and to participate in.

And as we got to the end of the retreat, everybody is talking about their relationship with their phone and screens and information input. Because here was this experience of no information input. so it's a challenge. I guess what I want to say is, but the challenge isn't a mechanism inside of you. The mechanism inside of you works. Without a doubt, I promise.

Right. But it's all of the ways that we get hooked into are the dynamics in our lives that keep us disconnected from that. so and all of those dynamics in your life that that feel like are contributing to that disconnection with yourself are awesome places to start.

Like your example, like this in your example that you gave, it was a noticeable, a notable moment where you went into a pattern. So it was an identifiable moment. So that's how simple it can get. Just like, here's a moment. Here's a pattern. It's not like I've got to fix it. I've got to solve it. I've got to get rid of it. It's like, can I make space just to sit with this pattern inside of me? I just listened to this.

Ashley Henderson (33:48.407)

You know, YouTube video, and now I watch the YouTube video, and now I'm in fear. OK, let me, what got activated? You know, so creating more spaces just in your life where you can just make room for your lived experience. Everything you need is in that. You know, so the time of like looking at something, I love teachings and I love guides and I love I love mentors and I and I'm always I mean, I wouldn't be where I am without.

all the brilliant people doing all the work and writing books and showing up, you know, to offer guidance. And there's a point where you use all of that, like kind of the map, like you were giving earlier, you you use that information to really go in. so that's where we're, we always come back to the same stuff on this podcast.

Just do it.

Nate (34:49.115)

Well, yeah, I love that as we're wrapping it up here, it's beautiful. And that's such an important reminder, which is as big and as kind of heavy as things might feel right now. Just remember, if you move yourself into alignment and you become more and more accepting of just you and all of your parts, you feel the feelings.

You try to become more and more neutral with yourself. And as Ashley pointed out, it's not difficult in that mechanism, isn't broken inside of you. There's just a lot of distractions keeping you from it, which is why silence is such a beautiful tool. So is nature. it's going, you there's lots of different ways to get into that flow. But that...

All that's how simple it is, just coming into alignment with yourself, coming into harmony with your own being, true acceptance of you. That's all you need to do. Because it's all you can do for one. And two, that...

Ashley Henderson (35:53.567)

Yeah.

Nate (36:00.882)

that resonance that you will send out as an aligned being will work magic in the world. And you don't need to fix other people's problems. You just need to come into integration and wholeness for yourself and let everything else fall into place.

Ashley Henderson (36:00.975)

You

Ashley Henderson (36:20.911)

I love that. That's a good place to stop.

Nate (36:29.753)

Okay, everyone, hopefully you enjoyed that episode and we'll see you next time.