Setting Boundaries

Everybody loves the version of you that had no boundaries.
The one who overextended, overexplained, and overgave just to keep the peace.

But what happens when you stop?

In this episode, we’re talking about the real cost of setting boundaries — the guilt, the pushback, the loneliness… and the identity shift that comes with choosing yourself for the first time.

Because boundaries don’t just change your relationships — they expose them.

Transcript

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What's up y'all and welcome back to another episode of Going In Raw with the Shakirada Sean. Last week we talked about the cost of letting go of who you had to be. This week, we're about to set some boundaries. Because nobody nobody taught us to set boundaries. We grew up in environments where the boundary was the real issue and not the act that required one. Right? Right. Well, at least that's the environment I grew up in. We talk about boundaries like they're clean, like you just snap your fingers, say the word, and everybody respects them. But that's a lie. In real life, boundaries cost you. And that's the truth that nobody even warned us about. So what is a boundary, you asked? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. A boundary is not a wall, y'all. A boundary is just you saying, This is where I end and where my responsibility to your comfort ends. This is me saying, respect this or I'm out. Respect this or you can't sit here. Respect this or leave my life. And we were never taught this. So we learn to shrink ourselves, to overexplain, to apologize for needing just the simple things that you feel like should come with life, right? A boundary is just an act of self-respect. That is it. And you don't have to apologize for asking for respect. So now we're going to jump into what boundaries are going to cost you. Because boundaries are going to cost you a lot of relationships. You're going to feel like your world is coming, crumbling down because some people won't want to be around you anymore. Some people are just going to disappear. Some people are going to punish you for having those very boundaries that protect you. And if we're going to be honest, a lot of people don't know how to protect themselves. A lot of people lack boundaries of their own. So why wouldn't they walk over yours? Theirs are being walked over by somebody. It's going to cost you being seen as the nice one, the good one, the one that always says yes, the one that always shows up. One thing for sure, this year, the word needs to be no. The word needs to be no. Okay? My word of the year is no. No, I can't people please anymore. No, I can't show up for people who aren't showing up for me. No, I can't overgive and overextend myself. No, I can't be in rooms where I can't bring God with me. No, I can't be around people where I can't be myself. No, I can't be around anything that goes against my morals, my values, my self-respect. No, I cannot be around it. No, I won't be around it. No, I won't be at the party. No, I won't be over at the club. No, I won't be drinking. No. Because I have to put myself in a better position to win. I have to do what's best for me in this season. And in this season, you need to set some boundaries. Okay? Because if you ain't already got something in place, that's gonna be what's best for you in this season. Because you can't get to the other side until you start setting some boundaries and making people respect you. Because they're not gonna respect you just because you want it. They're gonna respect you when you put certain things in place, certain systems in place that say, hey, you have no choice but to respect me. And that's where a lot of things changed for me. When I started demanding respect, I'm not asking for respect, I demand it. I'm not giving you a choice to respect me. You're going to respect me. Or you could leave. There's no in-between. Because you start giving people too much room and too much, too much access, and they start to feel like they can do certain things. They can show up a certain way. They don't have to pour the way you pour, they don't have to give the way you give. And what you have to realize is you gave them that. You gave them that access. You taught them how to treat you. So why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't you walk over somebody that you can walk over? Unless you just move in so godly. Unless you just move in so righteous. Then yeah, of course you're not gonna do that. But for the people out here who don't care, oh absolutely, they're gonna bulldoze through your boundaries until you require respect. So all them people that you just letting move through your life and do what they want, yeah, they're not gonna like you no more. They're not they're not gonna like you no more. And you have to be okay with that. So you have to get okay with that now. Because if you can get okay with that now, once you set that boundary, it won't even matter. You're just gonna be like, oh, alright, I'm already, I was already prepared for this. And all of this is just gonna show you that it's not a sign that you were wrong. It's a sign that all these boundaries were very much necessary, very much needed. And regardless of how these people feel, you set the boundary anyway. You set it because your peace is non-negotiable. You said it because God didn't bring you this far in your healing for you to keep giving access to what's breaking you. You said it because the version of you that's becoming requires a different environment than the one you survived in. Boundaries aren't punishment, they're protection. And protecting yourself is not the same as abandoning somebody else. And who gives a damn? Who gives a damn? Okay? You gotta get so comfortable with not caring what people are gonna think when you grow. You have to get so comfortable with saying, I'm going to grow anyway, because my growth has no limits. And you're not going to limit me to what you want me to be, to who you want me to become. You're not going to put me in a box for you. This is my life. And you have to get comfortable saying that this is my life and take control of your life and fuck everybody else's comfort zone. So if you've been putting off setting boundaries because you're worried about what it's going to cost, who it's going to cost, etc., etc., I want you to ask yourself, what is it costing you right now by not even having one? Because the cost of boundaries are real, but the cost of not having one is just as expensive. So come to the inner circle where we dive deeper on what it actually looks like and feels like to hold that line. And I will talk to y'all next week on the next episode of the cost series. Now go out and set them boundaries and make yourself proud.