The Ending of a Season

This episode marks a shift.

I’m no longer centered around heartbreak, pain, or what I went through. I’ve already shared the blueprint of my healing journey — now it’s time to walk in what God has been building in me.

In this episode, I open up about entering a new chapter of life — one where I speak from healing instead of pain. I share how letting God into every part of my life transformed the way I see myself, my circumstances, and my future.

This chapter isn’t about reliving old wounds. It’s about becoming.

Transcript

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What is up, y'all, and welcome back to another episode of Goin' In Raw with the Shakira Sean. Y'all, I'm gonna get comfortable for this episode. And I'm just gonna jump right into it. I've told y'all so much about my grief, my trauma, my backstory, what I've been through, come through, I've told y'all everything. I've poured my heart out on this podcast, and I've really, y'all seen me heal and go through it in real time. And if you've been here since the beginning, you've really seen my journey, and I truly thank you for sticking with me. If you are new here, I encourage you to go back to the very first episode and listen all the way through. If you don't really know where to begin on your journey, how to do it, I literally laid it all out. I didn't sugarcoat anything, I didn't hide anything. This has literally been my journey. These have been the things I've been through, and I showed y'all in real time how I how I got through it. Um, I started a cost series a couple weeks ago, well, a couple months ago now, and I've really been going back and forth over the past couple of weeks with like where do I pivot next. If I can be truly honest with y'all, I am tired of talking about my pain. I feel like I've showed y'all how to get through it. I've told y'all the steps I took, and honestly, it just gets to a point to where you're either gonna do it or you're not gonna do it. I know in this season I can't keep talking about the same things because that's not where I personally am anymore. So, again, I encourage you to go start from episode one and come all the way through because that's exactly how I got to where I am today, to where I'm ready to just put all of that behind me and just kind of shut the door on that. I'm not who I used to be. And like I said, I'm tired of talking about my pain and my trauma because that's not who I am today. And that's the beautiful thing about growth. Once you step into that new version of yourself, you can be whoever you want to be. You can become whoever you want to become, and you don't have to allow what you've gone through to define your future, and that's where I am. So I hope that y'all can respect that moving forward on this journey. Um, I'm allowing God to take my podcast wherever he wants to take it. I'm allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through me. I don't script my episodes or anything. Um, I literally just get on here and talk. So I was reflecting a lot over the last couple of weeks. Honestly, I do a lot, a lot of reflecting. I'm very self-aware. I sit with myself, I keep it truly honest with myself. I tell myself where I'm slacking, where I need to pick it up. Like I'm very brutal with myself. And something changed in me a few weeks ago during my reflection period. Well, it's been about a month now. Something clicked while I was sitting and reflecting. And on my last season that I was in last year, when I truly grieved and went through the process of growing and becoming and truly allowing God to transform me and my heart posture and just me in general and become more patient and trusting. So as I was doing my reflection a few weeks ago, like I always do, I love to sit down and check in with myself. I realized something. I started to go over the last season I was in last year when I went through my financial struggles and I thought I was going to get evicted and all of that. I already talked about it on one of my previous episodes, but I was just sitting reflecting on it and how I've been in survival mode my entire life, how my nervous system is never at ease, how I'm constantly scanning for this or that. And I talked about love recently. Um, not in an episode, but on a reel on my page, and how my nervous system was constantly scanning for love because I've never felt it and how I just yearned to feel it. Y'all, I was just literally processing all of this for like a week. I sat in the house, my little hibernation, like I do, and I just really reflected and processed. And I, like I said, thought about the last season I was in and how stressed out I was the entire time, and how I learned to trust in God in a way I hadn't trusted in Him, and how I learned patience, and I was able to grieve, and all of the things I was able to do over this last season of my life. And what came to me was God granted me a resting period. Sometimes when you're in a season where everything's going wrong, you can't, it's hard to have a positive perspective. It's hard to look at things like this is happening for me. I too was like, this is happening to me. Like, God, what is going on? What are you trying to show me? Like, what the hell is going on? My hair was falling out, like all of the things last year, like I was going through it. And I thought I was going through hell. I thought that God was torturing me, like, what is going on? I was so angry with God. I realized this year actually that I had been so angry with God. And let me take you here because I don't I don't think I've talked about this on my platform. I went to a conference in February, and in that conference, I realized that I was angry with God, and I realized that it was okay to be angry with God. I talk about this a lot, and I'm going to continue to talk about it. I stopped believing in God about seven years ago. I totally stopped believing in God, and I'm going to always tell this story because that is testimony. That is my testimony. Like I literally went from not believing in God to believing in God and allowing God to transform my life and all of these things that I'm going through that I will get into in another episode. But I realized that I had been so angry with God, and I didn't know that it was possible to be angry with God because the last time I was angry with God, I totally stopped believing. I hated him, I despised him. There's no way you're real. Like there's just no way. I don't want to believe in you. I don't want nothing to do with God. I don't want to even hear nothing about God. I went real science on it. Like, mm-mm, there's no way God is real. So realizing that I could be angry with God, I had to process that and what that looked like. And be like, bro, I'm I'm mad. Like you've taken me through so much since a child. Like, what are you doing? What, like, why am I living this life? Like, why did you choose me to live this life? And I've had to process that anger. In processing my anger with God, it's like, why are you angry with God? I went over all the little things. Like, I got this hard ass life. I've always gone through this, gone through that. I've never just had a moment of just chill relaxation. It's always one thing after another. I'm always constantly stressed out. Like, I have been through hell in my life. Like, what are you doing, bro? Like, what is up? I don't have anything I want. I desire a relationship. I want to be married. I want all these things, and I don't have any of it. And then I heard him say, like, so freaking clearly to me. A lot of the things you thought you wanted, I gave you. You felt like you wanted success, I gave it to you. You wanted trips, you wanted bags, I gave it to you. And you still felt empty in a lot of ways. Now in this season, I've given you something that you didn't even realize you wanted in that period of time. I've given you peace, I've given you joy, I've given you happiness, I've given you healing, I've given you growth. Like I have transformed your life from the inside out to where you can now let go of so much pain that you've been carrying for so long. And in reflecting on that, I was like, damn. Like, yeah, my life isn't flourishing in the ways I want it to flourish, but it's flourishing in the ways I need it to flourish. Like, yes, I have peace of mind now. I have better understanding now. I've grown in ways some people only imagine about. I'm healing, I'm making peace with things. Like I'm truly happy within myself. I found love within myself. When I was sitting there reflecting on the season I just came out of last year, it just gave me a different perspective. And I was just sitting there and I was just like, wow, throughout that whole season, I'm constantly stressed out, constantly like, God, what are you doing? Constantly wanting to figure out how to fix my financial situation, but it just isn't coming together like I want it to come together. And that's because God granted me a resting period that I've never had. I've never been able to rest like I was able to last year. And although my mind wasn't able to rest like it should have been able to rest because I was constantly stressed out, God was trying to get me to the point to where I am now, to where I fully trust in Him and to where my mind is so at peace. Like I'm not worried about how a bill is gonna get paid. I'm not worried about if I'm gonna get evicted, I'm not worried about anything. I am leaning on my faith like I never have before, and I am trusting in God to do what God promised he would do in the Bible. He promised to give us a hope in the future, he promised to set our path straight, he promised to never leave us nor forsake us. And I am leaning on those words like I never have before. So when I tell y'all, when I realize, like, damn, you've given me a resting period over the last year. Like I have literally come out of that period brand new. And that's why I say perspective is everything. You change your perspective, you can literally change your life. Now I can move through the world with a different sense of freedom and peace, knowing that and trusting that literally everything is happening for me. Everything is happening for you. We have to get out of the victim mentality of woe is me, why is this happening to me? Yada yah. And I was that person. I was literally that person last year. Why are you doing this to me? Now, this is for me. Every situation, I don't care if I miss my exit. This is for me. I got locked out of my car a few weeks ago behind some hand sanitizer. I got locked out of my car. And I could have been so negative in that situation. I could have been like, oh my God, I now I'm set back the rest of my day, and now I have to figure out this out and move all this around. And I literally sat there calm and was just like, God, thank you for protecting me from whatever you're protecting me from. Thank you for allowing me this period to sit with my thoughts for a little while or whatever it is you're trying to do. I'm cool. Like, I am cool. Like learning to just be cool is going to literally change your life. And I'm currently coming out of survival mode. Like, I've talked about it, I've been in survival mode my entire life. So learning to calm my nervous system in situations, trusting that God got it. And that's what He was trying to teach me in this previous season of my life. Trust on me, my child, lean on me, my child, cast all your burdens and your sorrows, cast all of that onto me because I can handle it. I can I can carry that. Like, let me carry that. And allow your mind to finally be at peace. Allow your mind to finally rest. Allow your body to just let it off. And I totally feel like a new person, like within myself and within my body. My mental is so at peace. I'm no longer questioning everything, I'm no longer scanning for everything. And I'm not gonna lie to y'all and tell y'all my mind doesn't go there because it does. But in those moments where it goes there, I'm able to reel myself back in. A lot of that is because I'm very self-aware, but it's also perspective. And a lot of us sit in a negative perspective. We want to be the victim, and it's like, why? My friends know I don't, everybody knows around me, I don't allow myself to be victim. Like, even if you listen to all my episodes, you know I never played the victim role because I'm not a victim. And once you get into that mindset of playing the victim, you're gonna run with that and you're never gonna be able to grow or be outside of that victim mentality. Everything is perspective. Like changing my perspective and learning to sit with my thoughts and sit with myself and be like, what did I get out of this? What was I being taught in this season that has literally changed my life? So, like I said in the beginning, I don't want to continue to talk about my pain. I don't want to continue to talk about my trauma. I've given y'all that, I've told y'all that, and I've literally showed y'all how I've gotten to where I am today. I am literally in a brand new season of my life where I can see the sun again. And a lot of that is perspective. A lot of that is choosing the day you'll have. I wake up every day, I give gratitude to God. I don't even ask for anything in my prayers anymore. I ask for my daily bread. I ask for him to set my path straight today. I let him know this is your will, your way. And I thank him for the smallest things to the biggest. I thank him for what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will do. And that literally sets the tone for my day. I thank him for my peace of mind. I thank him for carrying me through the day. Like I literally thank him for the smallest things. And I cover my people in prayer and I cover myself in prayer. But I've learned to pray in gratitude. I literally don't ask for anything because sometimes we're asking God for things that, and he wants something totally different from us. So I've had to learn that when I pray, I tell him your will, your way. Like, whatever you want for my life is what I want for my life. My hands, your hands, my feet, your feet, my mouth, your mouth, my life, yours. Like whatever it is you want from me, I want from me at this point. Because he likes to laugh at our plans. We come up with this long list of plans. Oh, I want this, I want to be married by this time, I want this, I want. And then God is just like, I have a whole nother path for you. That's more beautiful than what you want for yourself. I have so many big, bright things. You're thinking too small, my child, you're thinking way too small. I have something huge for you. So I've learned to just allow God to have it. And it's not easy. If y'all have been on this journey with me, I struggle with releasing control. But I've learned to trust in him so deeply over this last season of my life, the way I've watched him carry me to where you got it. I have total faith in you. I have total trust in you. And I know wherever you're taking me is for my greater good. So I pray that you all can get to this place where I am. And if you're not there, that is totally fine. Give yourself grace. But work towards getting there. Work towards shifting your mindset one minute at a time. If you have to take it one minute at a time, days are heavy. Y'all know I've been suicidal. I've I've been through it all. I've literally been through it all. And I'm not there anymore. And now I get to choose my life. I get to choose what happens from today forward. I get to rewrite my story however I want to write it. And that's where I am in this season of my becoming. So y'all will hear more about where I am now. My cost series. I just have to end that. I feel like I've given the steps and I've shown what to do and how to do it. So yeah, I just feel like I needed to just let y'all know kind of where I am now. And I don't really know what y'all should expect from me moving forward. Because, like I said, I am letting God guide my steps. I am letting him guide my journey. I am no longer trying to control anything. I will no longer be trying to figure out my episodes ahead of time like I do because I've realized that it just makes my brain, I feel like I'm still trying to survive. So I'm in a place now to where I'm just going to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me on my episodes. And whatever comes out on the episode is what comes out. But yeah, I just felt like I owed y'all to know where I am right now and to not really have any expectations moving forward. I just say, let's become together. Let's grow together, like I always say. And let's just push forward. You are not alone on your journey. I know I'm not alone on my journey. I have all of y'all, y'all have me. And let's just allow God to guide us and lean not on our own understanding. And I know when I talk now, it probably sounds so easy for me. And you probably like, oh, this is so easy for you. But if you go back and watch and listen, this was hard for me. And every day is a battle, but I won't allow my mind to win. I won't allow my negative thoughts to win. I won't allow doubt and fear from Satan to trump what God has promised me. So thank y'all for listening to another episode of Going In Raw. If you do want to go deeper on certain topics and everything, join me in the inner circle where I deep dive a lot more. Um, I go more into the steps and everything. But yeah, on this side of things, that chapter has closed because I feel like I've given it. So yeah, thank y'all so much. I truly love y'all. Um, I do like feedback. Y'all don't be giving me none that often, but I do like feedback or hop in my DMs and just have a conversation with me. I'm super down to earth. I like communicating with people. I like to hear y'all's perspectives. What do y'all want to hear from me? Do y'all have any questions? I can do some QA's. Like, what do y'all want to hear from me? Like, where are you on your journey and what do you need with where you are on your journey? I may have already answered it in a previous episode, or I may not have. Anyways, feel free to reach out to me. And yeah, I will catch y'all in the next episode.