147. Why the U.S. Isn’t Built for Mothers (And What Latina Moms Deserve Instead)

In this solo episode, I’m checking in with you. There is so much heaviness right now in the United States, especially for our Latino community, and I felt called to pause and hold space for everything Latina moms are carrying. From fear and uncertainty to burnout and survival mode, this episode is a reminder that you are not alone, you are not weak, and you are not imagining how hard this feels. This is a compassionate conversation about motherhood, mental health, community, and giving ourselves permission to slow down and take care of our nervous systems during a really difficult moment in time.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

• Why so many Latina moms are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stretched thin right now
• How systems in the U.S. fail mothers, women, and families, especially women of color
• The emotional labor Latina moms carry as daughters, partners, and caregivers
• Why burnout and survival mode are not personal failures, but systemic responses
• Gentle ways to check in with yourself, regulate your nervous system, and prioritize your mental health

Resources Mentioned:

• Reach out to your primary care provider for mental health referrals
• Look for Latina mom community groups (Facebook, local networks) for therapist recommendations
• Postpartum Support International
• Latinx Therapy

Transcript

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if you feel the sense of guilt for not being a present mom, or if you're experiencing burnout because work sucks and you feel trapped, or if you are in this constant survival mode, you know. The reason why you are feeling this way is because there's a lot of policies that don't even put family, a woman, a child, into consideration Hola. Welcome to another episode of the Viva LA Podcast. I am your host, Jessica Cuevas. And on this week I decided to maintain a solo episode. I decided to kind of change my plans just because there is a lot going on right now in the United States that I just wanted to kind of like the, and share how I feel, and also to check in on you, uh, because I realized that it is very heavy right now. To be a parent in the United States. I wanted to check in with you and to see how you're feeling because a lot of Latina moms are carrying so much weight, specifically as it relates to us. As parents, but also as daughters, as sisters, as neighbors, as friends, as coworkers in a society that unfortunately right now is not great with our community, and it's been very heavy for all of us. So I wanted to check in with you first. Because I know that there is a lot of fear. There's a lot of fear right now happening in with ICE raids, with deportations, with families being separated literally in public. Like we know that deportations and ice intervening with families has. Been common in our communities. It hasn't been to this level, and especially seeing our allies, our neighbors, our friends that are also being attacked by ice. And so it has been a lot for us to handle this. for me right now, like it's been just heartbreaking seeing so many people being affected by this. And it has obviously been very heartbreaking to know that people are deported because I also, I have family that has been deported and there were various reasons why they have been deported, to be honest. Um, but with things that are going on right now, I'm like, this isn't the United States that I grew up in. This isn't the United States that I was born and taught to believe that it's the best country in the world, and now I see it from a different lens. Now living here in Mexico and raising my family here, I don't know, I, I keep reflecting on that. And while there are times and moments when I feel guilty because. we moved when I should be out there for my uni, where I should be out there. And, uh, being a neighbor and being a friend to those affected by ICE and family members, um, that have had to stay home while waiting for their loved one to figure out where they're at. Uh, you know, it's, it's been very difficult for me to just be the bystander And there are moments of guilt where I'm like, dang. Like, but then again, when I think about my family specifically, especially being the mama bear, I never imagined that this was going to be the perfect moment and time for us to move outside of the United States. So many of my friends, neighbors, family members, my community is hurting right now in the United States. I also have to think about me and my family and, and how interesting it is that we moved at a time. Where I didn't have to experience the things that other people are. I know it's selfish to say that, but again, it's also thinking about my own family and my own safety and the safety of my loved ones. yeah, it's, it's a mix of feelings, you know, where I feel guilt, but also I feel like grateful for us to be here and that experience, the things that are going on, and especially for my kids not to see what is going on right now, my. My oldest son, who is turning five soon at the time of this recording, he would be in school. And I still am part of like the parent, email group, and I am reading a lot about the children's safety and like specific protocols that the school have put in place so that families can be safe and, and so yeah, just like knowing that my preschooler would have to witness something like this, like I can't even imagine. So I think about that and just how grateful I am that we're here, but also I wanna acknowledge that in addition to the things that are going on with with related to ice, like I know that is suffering and just in general, I think everyone is just. Living in a toxic society right now in a toxic country right now where the economy isn't doing well. There are just so many things going on right now with the economy that a lot of people are being laid off from work. A lot of people cannot find employment. People are being conscious of their spending because they're trying to survive. And the cost of groceries have significantly increased. Even though as of today the president said that, you know, the economy is like booming. And I'm like, in what ways? You know, just for the 5% and that's it. There's a lot of hurdles right now that families in the US are going through. And I just wanted to empathize on that, that I haven't forgotten about you. Like I'm here sharing my life in Mexico and everything, but I'm also consciously aware of like the things that are going on right now in the United States and also just like the. Emotional labor of protecting your child is a lot like I recently saw a post about a mom, like, yes, I'm doing the everyday mundane things about feeding my kids, getting them ready for school, and pretending like nothing is happening, but in reality. There's just a lot of tension. There's a lot of feelings. There's a lot of just like stuff going on in our heads, and I get it. Like if I feel this way, like just thinking about my back home, like I can't even imagine for everyone that is going through this interesting moment of time and just trying to protect your children from this danger. So this episode is for you Mama, who feels tired, anxious, and unsure. But still shows up every day. And I think that is the magic of us being mamas. Like we, even though we are hurting, our communities are hurting, everything around us is not in a good place. We are still. Able to be present with our children. And I also wanna normalize that if you've had a really rough day that affected your way of being in front of your kid, whether if you yelled at them or you said something bad to them or you weren't fully there, that's also validated and I completely understand. so I just wanted to say that. While our world is very effed up right now, uh, and things are not looking like they are ever going to change. I feel like the United States just going back like backwards. And all of that. While that is going on in our world, I understand that a lot of mamas are. Being stretched too thin, and that is because they're trying to live day by day, right? Trying to figure out how to manage their money, how to manage feelings and emotions from their kids. How to manage like the everyday tasks, whether it's chores or calling the doctor for appointments or trying to figure out, you know, how to entertain your kids. Like there's just a lot going on. And it sucks that the things that are happening in our world isn't helping either. And so I am here to validate your feelings and everything that you are experiencing right now. I want you to recognize that there are systems that have been put in place that are against. Kind of like our existence as mamas. First of all, we are women. So women already in the US are treated like second class. Second class citizens. And, uh, I've received a lot of arguments, especially from my white male counterparts, like they said, well, it's not like we're living in Saudi Arabia where you don't, you can't drive. Like, no, I'm not talking about that extreme, but I'm talking about how historically, and even to today, there are some systems that are literally put in place that go against us as women. And not to mention, when you're adding this additional layer. Of being a woman of color and being a Latina, and how that kind of carries on into the world, into society. And so if you feel the sense of guilt for not being a present mom, or if you're experiencing burnout because work sucks and you feel trapped, or if you are in this constant survival mode, you know. The reason why you are feeling this way is because there's a lot of policies that don't even put family, a woman, a child, into consideration one example is maternal mental health. Depending on the state that you live, you might. Be able to have access to a therapist through your insurance for free. Other states you may not, and you're gonna have to pay out of pocket or depending on your insurance, really. And so this is already one small example of how systems are put in place against us as Latina moms and just as moms in general, because this happens across the board, but. I feel like the US is definitely a society that is anti-family, it's anti-woman, it's anti children. As much as the US wants to pride itself in trying to change into pro-life narrative and crap like that, like no, it's if, if you're considered pro-life, you would consider it all life. And so why don't we provide opportunities and resources for families, otherwise we all gonna have that guilt. We're all gonna have that burnout. We're all gonna have this survival mode that we are experiencing right now. And so I do wanna normalize your feelings because I know that it. Is a lot. Like I said, if you feel that there is some level of anxiety, like please reach out to your primary care provider. They can recommend you with a list of therapists or reach out to your, if you are a part of Facebook groups that are specific to your identity, like for example, Latina moms, uh, who live in X area or region in the us like You can ask and find ways to find a therapist that can help you. and I'll be providing resources in the show notes so that way you know where to start. And I also wanna normalize that if you want more or you want something different. It is okay. Like that doesn't mean that you are ungrateful or that you're being selfish and you're just focusing on yourself. Like if you know that there's something going on with your own feelings and you're trying to cope and figure out ways on how to navigate this journey of ours, as is like there are ways to. to look for additional help. And while all of this is going on, when we think about our home and like the things that are happening right now with uni that. You are adding this additional layer of like being a Latina itself. Right. We first talked about the struggles of being a mom, but now as far as with being a Latina in itself, it's been very difficult and very challenging because as Latinas, we were taught To endure and not ask. We were taught that, you know, We have been carrying on with this sort of survival mode mechanisms, um, especially being daughters or granddaughters of immigrants. And for some reason we've always been put into this bucket about feeling responsible for other people's emotional safety and so, yeah, so we were taught all of these things and it is very difficult to let go of like the, the, this level of responsibility that we have. And while many of us cannot really negotiate this part, because that's either the way that we are, that's the way that we were brought up, or we have no other choices, but to, you know, help our, help our families and all of that. It is very important to at least recognize how we're feeling and checking in on ourselves, because if no one else will, and people are just putting and assigning things on you. Without you really reflecting and processing things like it's gonna affect you personally, mentally, emotionally, but also through relationships. It's gonna affect you with the way that you parent. And so it's so important to just like, at least recognize, okay, right now everyone's just throwing things at me. Are there ways that I can set boundaries? If yes, great. Please think about boundaries, because sometimes as Latinas, we don't think about that. Um, and then also think about how can you prioritize? Meaning what are things that can get done right now and can get done later on? or ask for help. and that can be a way for you to let off that load that you have been caring for such a long time right now. It's been very challenging. Parenting while navigating, this fear of like. Our community is hurting, and especially if you have been directly affected with ice, like I think it's so important to just prioritize on your own mental health, you know, that can get done. are nervous systems are tired, not because we're like ikas or anything like that, but because. We've been in alert mode for so long, and this is carried by our ancestors. Like I'm talking about when the colonizers literally took our land, took everything from us. And so this is like a cyclical, and it sucks to say this, but this is such a cyclical. Way that, and it sucks to say this, but this is a repeated part of like generational trauma and we are victims of that. We're not just like products of like generational traumas like we are experiencing. Trauma and that could lead to our future generation unless we recognize how we're feeling and acknowledge that and work through ways on how we can at least alleviate our emotions, our stress, our nervous system, when you think about, okay, well I recognize this level of stress. I rec, I'm recognizing this level of like anxiety and. And just like, I'm not doing well. Okay. Well, I'm glad that you at least recognize it. Now, let's think about how you can proceed with the next steps. And I think that it's important to reflect and think about what does support look like for you? What type of support systems are available for you at this moment? Is it a therapist? Is it. You know, if you're a religious person, is it like someone at church? Is it your friend and Amiga? Or is it just like, you know, how are ways for you to have this type of support system? Think about what does safety look like in your body? So like, how do you feel right now? What can help at least nurture your body in terms of like feeling comfortable? Like one example for me, like I like to be warm. I like to be like snuggled up in, in and that makes me feel safe. My body feels safe as much as like crazy the day was or whatever, like at night. If, if I cuddle up in my blanket, then. My body feels at ease. For some people it could be exercise. For other people, it could be staying in front of the sun and feeling the warmth right now, although in winter right now, it can be a little difficult, but if you are in a pretty nice climate area, then you can do that. Also, what does your child need immediately? Like sometimes we wanna be there all the time, like present all the damn time. But what if we just, you know, give our kids like 30 minutes to themselves while you're just like doing something on your own. We don't have to be there 100%. So as you are going through these emotions and just like feelings of like everything that is going on in our world, I think it's important to, you know, give that time to yourself and that way you can spend quality time with your child. If your child sees you and sees you like tense or you know, upset or you're crying because of what you see in the news or whatever, then it is okay to tell them and, and I think it's important to say it in an age appropriate way about like the things that are going on right now in the US and that way They can be empathetic, they can understand, and sometimes by just letting those feelings out can really help you, to just like the anos, right? To just like let things out. And that way we don't get to keep it inside. but if something is really bothering you and you want change, whether, if it's. I don't know, just like you wanna remove yourself literally from the US or you, you wanna help your community. There are ways that you can do that. And I think that serves as a good example for your kids, that instead of us just like sitting in the house and just like watching the news and not doing anything, I think taking action can really help, to raise our future generation. And so even when things feel scary right now, we are not stuck as we're told. I know that it's been very heavy, but I just wanted to give you all a reminder about that there are little ways that we can change our everyday kind of routine and not just be stuck in front of the TV or stuck in front of, or literally have our phone in front of us. Like I think it's okay to distract yourselves, um, with other things. Think about what brings you joy. And I know that that is a very common question that people ask but I think it's important to think about that, like what brings you joy? Like what are some feelings that you wanna have again, because it's just so toxic right now. And I think that it is so important to just like Try to, to modify things as much as you can. And the only control that you have right now is with your family, with your kids and perhaps changing certain habits or you know, certain things that perhaps have always put you down. I know that this episode is kind of random, but I just wanted to be here to share with you that I'm also present with you. There has been a lot going on from ice rates to the US intervention with Venezuela and there, that in itself has been a mix of feelings and emotions from all sides of the spectrum. and it's only January. Like we're only in mid-January. So. I hope that 2026 is an okay year compared to last year, but the way that things are going, I mean, I think it's gonna be a very, very long four years with this administration and so. Let's just be prepared and think about ways that we can not just be present with our children, our family, and trying to modify things that sparks joy to us, but also think about how we can be present with ourselves. And that is whether if it's taking care of ourselves, emotionally, physically, and even intellectually. We can read books like we can inform ourselves, educate ourselves a little bit more, especially knowing the histories that tends to repeat itself. Uh, but I think it's important to just like distract yourself for, for a little bit. Try to find ways that can better suit you and fill your cup. If you've ever been thinking about doing a radical change, like for example, for us moving to Mexico, I know that it can seem impossible, but I think if you've ever imagined doing something different, making a radical change, like if you listen to last week's episode I think you have that permission I want you to give yourself permission to do that because you never know. You are probably manifesting it if you're, if you just let yourself dream big and set these goals. If you want something different, and I'm not saying for you to move outside of the country, right? I'm saying like doing something different, whether if it's for yourself or your family or for your, uh, but I believe that. There are good people, especially in the us, like there are really good people right now that want change, and if we all gather up and if we all elevate voices and if we all, you know, just like stand up against these bullies, like I think the world could be in a much better place. But in the meantime. It's also important to check in with ourselves and acknowledge our feelings and letting go of certain things that don't serve us, like it's gonna hurt us. And this is why I wanted to do this episode, just to like do this little check-in, to also give you this reminder, uh, to, just like prioritizing on yourself, on your mental health. On your body, your physical body. I'm not saying like you should work out or anything. No. But just check in with your body. Are you feeling tense? Are you sweating a lot? Are you not drinking enough water? You know, just like things like that because ultimately it can affect the way that we are in front of our kids. And trust me, I've been through that and it's not pretty, I hope that this episode was helpful for you. As always, I'm open to suggestions, feedback, topic. Recommendations, guest recommendations, all of that information on how you can either be on the show or recommend guests or topics are going to be in the description, but I really hope that you're doing okay. I know it's been heavy these past few weeks since the start of January but my hope is that if we all come together and unite and really fight for what. We should fight for justice and fight for what is actually good. I think we have a good shot, but again, we can't be able to do that unless we first check check in on ourselves. So my challenge to you is to. Check in on yourself this week, whether if it's in the shower or in the car, and try to do this as a ritual, really one time a week to check in on yourself and just ask yourself and, and your inner voice and your thoughts, or even through paper if that works for you, and ask yourself, how am I doing? How am I feeling? what type of change do I want for myself? And as we make these reflections on our own, then it can help us to then see things from a different perspective, parent differently perhaps, or parent the way that we want to, but we felt restricted because of our feelings or whatever, you know, our emotions and dysregulation. So that is my challenge. I hope that you can join me because I'm also going to continue doing this so that way we can be present. Mamas present women and present individuals to ourselves. Okay. All right, AMI. Well thank you so much for listening, Asima, and I'll catch you in the next episode.