Jiu-Jitsu, Fear & Raising Confident Kids – A Conversation with Coach Remus Corbei

Can a combat sport teach kids to be kinder, not more aggressive?

In this episode of **7 Years in Saudi**, I sit down with my first ever Jiu-Jitsu coach, black belt **Coach Remus Corbei**, to explore how Jiu-Jitsu becomes a life skill for kids, parents and anyone who has ever faced bullying or fear.

We talk about:
• Why the question “WHY Jiu-Jitsu?” changes everything  
• Jiu-Jitsu for kids, women and “smaller bodies” as real self-defense  
• How to teach children to use their voice before their fists  
• Fear as energy – and how to channel it instead of freezing  
• Humility, respect and the ego check that happens on the mat  
• Why bullies rarely target truly confident kids (body language decoded)  
• How Jiu-Jitsu improves focus, attention and emotional regulation  
• The special role of mothers in choosing martial arts for their children  

If you’re a mom, a dad, an educator – or simply someone who wants to feel safer in your own body – this conversation will give you a new perspective on what “fighting” really means.

🎧 Listen, share with a parent, and maybe… step on the mat.

—
to reach coach Remus Corbei: 

Instagram: @absoluto_kuwait

remus_corbei

Connect with Lamia:  
Website: gembylamia.com
Instagram: @lamia_pabion
YouTube: 7 Years in Saudi

#7YearsinSaudi #Podcast #JiuJitsu #AntiBullying #KidsAndMartialArts 
#EmotionalRegulation #Parenting #SelfDefense #Resilience #KindWarriors

Episode One to a 7 years Journey in Saudi. this is the beginning to a story to whoever wants to know how I freed myself and to feel radiantly joyful. i am a mother, a coach, a hypnotherapist and I master the art of Reprogramming the subconscious mind.

Transcript

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Chapters

0:05 
Introduction to Jiu-Jitsu

1:38 
Meet Coach Remus

3:09 
The Importance of "Why Jiu-Jitsu?"

4:28 
Jiu-Jitsu for All Ages

8:01 
Hidden Gems of Jiu-Jitsu

11:21 
The Value of Humility

13:41 
The Anti-Bullying Focus

17:33 
Confidence and Speaking Up

18:45 
Building Confidence in Kids

22:28 
The Art of Perseverance

22:35 
Ego and Learning

23:53 
Vulnerability on the Mat

25:59 
The Journey of Jiu-Jitsu

29:52 
Starting Young: The Right Age

32:54 
No Age Limits in Jiu-Jitsu

34:27 
The Humbling Experience

36:30 
Confronting Fear

40:55 
Fear as Energy

48:07 
Non-Verbal Communication

50:09 
De-Escalating Aggression

52:54 
Attention and Focus

57:29 
The Common Thread

1:03:32 
The Purpose of Jiu-Jitsu

1:09:07 
Becoming a Better Person

1:10:28 
The Spirit of Kindness

1:15:01 
Trusting the Process

Long Summary

In this episode of the 7 Years in Saudi podcast, Lamia sits down with Coach Remus Korbe, her first Jiu-Jitsu instructor from Kuwait, to dive deep into the transformative power of this martial art. Remus shares his insights on why understanding one's personal motivations for practicing Jiu-Jitsu is crucial, emphasizing the importance of asking the question: "Why Jiu-Jitsu?" He explains that for many, including himself, Jiu-Jitsu can lead to personal growth, enhancing qualities like resilience, confidence, and humility.

The conversation expands on the significance of Jiu-Jitsu in nurturing self-defense skills, especially for women and children. Remus highlights how the art was designed to provide a fighting chance for those who may not physically overpower their opponents, reiterating the original intent behind Jiu-Jitsu as a means of empowerment. He passionately discusses how teaching children involves more than just combat skills; it is about instilling confidence to express boundaries and interact positively with peers. Through practical experiences and anecdotes, he articulates that the hardest battles often take place not on the mat, but within—overcoming fear and self-doubt.

Remus also draws from his vast experience across various martial arts, underscoring what sets Jiu-Jitsu apart. He shares his belief that the core values of respect and humility are the hidden gems of the practice that contribute to personal development. The discussion flows into the ways Jiu-Jitsu cultivates a sense of community, where practitioners support one another in their journeys. This camaraderie fosters a safe learning environment and encourages individuals to embrace vulnerability, which is essential for growth.

As they touch on the psychology of fighting, Remus illustrates how Jiu-Jitsu not only teaches technical skills but also trains the mind to handle anxiety and fear. He highlights the change in perspective that comes with stepping onto the mat, where individuals learn to confront their fears head-on in a controlled setting. This ultimately leads to better emotional regulation and the ability to transfer those skills beyond the dojo.

One compelling part of their conversation centers on teaching children to navigate bullying. Remus explains the importance of empowering kids to use their voices before resorting to physical responses, emphasizing that Jiu-Jitsu is about control and respect rather than aggression. He acknowledges his own past experiences with bullying and underlines the lessons learned over time, which he now imparts to his students.

The episode also delves into the multi-generational and inclusive nature of Jiu-Jitsu. Remus discusses how this martial art welcomes practitioners of all ages—from young children to adults—emphasizing that there are no limits on who can benefit from learning these life skills. Transcending backgrounds, Jiu-Jitsu creates connections between diverse individuals, all united by a common goal of becoming better human beings.

Through this enriching dialogue, Lamia and Remus paint a vivid picture of Jiu-Jitsu as a tool for personal empowerment, self-discovery, and community building. They conclude with an urging message for parents, especially mothers, about the significant impact they have on their children's choices in engaging with martial arts. The episode leaves listeners with a newfound understanding of Jiu-Jitsu's holistic benefits, encouraging everyone to step onto the mat and embrace the journey of learning, growth, and kindness.

Brief Summary

In this episode of the 7 Years in Saudi podcast, I engage in a thought-provoking conversation with Coach Remus Korbe, my first Jiu-Jitsu instructor. We explore the profound impact of Jiu-Jitsu on personal growth, emphasizing the importance of understanding individual motivations behind practicing this martial art. Remus shares insights on how Jiu-Jitsu fosters resilience, confidence, and humility while highlighting its significance in self-defense, particularly for women and children. Through his experience, he reveals that Jiu-Jitsu nurtures not only combat skills but also personal qualities such as respect and emotional regulation. We discuss the art's inclusive nature, making it accessible to all ages and backgrounds, and conclude with a vital message for parents about encouraging their children’s engagement in martial arts. This episode leaves listeners inspired to embrace Jiu-Jitsu as a path to empowerment and community.

Tags

Jiu-Jitsu

personal growth

motivations

resilience

confidence

humility

self-defense

inclusivity

emotional regulation

empowerment

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Transcript

Speaker1

[0:00]Salam alaikum, bonjour, this is Lamia, welcome to 7 Years in Saudi podcast.

[0:05]

Introduction to Jiu-Jitsu

Speaker1

[0:06]Today we have a special guest. His name is Coach Remus Korbe. He was my first ever teacher in Jiu-Jitsu in Kuwait. And today I am spending a wonderful time learning about some questions I had about Jiu-Jitsu. And I hope you will understand how valuable it can be.

Speaker1

[0:34]Let me show you some videos and pictures about how Coach Remus is teaching kids and adults, women, this wonderful art of Jiu-Jitsu. And then I will let you dive with him and learn a bit more about Jiu-Jitsu.

[1:38]

Meet Coach Remus

Speaker1

[1:39]Hi Coach Remus, how are you?

Speaker0

[1:42]Hi Lamia, good to see you. Thank you very much for the invitation.

Speaker1

[1:45]Thanks to you. I'm so, so, so happy to meet you again. I didn't speak with you since 2022 when I left Kuwait and you were the person who could help me find another Jiu-Jitsu teacher here in Jeddah. So thank you for that. And as you were my first teacher, my first coach in Jiu-Jitsu, I wanted people to know more about Jiu-Jitsu because I believe you have some gems of wisdom and all your experience in Jiu-Jitsu that could help people know more about it. Because I found out that it's not that well known especially with moms and the people around us so and I remember one thing very particular with you is on your website when I was looking for jujitsu classes in Kuwait you were specifically asking to first answer a very important question why before starting Jiu-Jitsu, why Jiu-Jitsu? Why start? Can I ask you, why this question?

[3:09]

The Importance of "Why Jiu-Jitsu?"

Speaker0

[3:09]Why Jiu Jitsu? It's a very good question. Sometimes people find me a little bit annoying because I ask a lot of whys. I just try to find out where the student is coming from and how Jiu Jitsu can help improve the quality of their life. But over the time, I realized that Jiu Jitsu means different things for different people. So what Jiu Jitsu means for you might be different than what Jiu Jitsu means for another person. If you ask me about my personal why, I chose Jiu Jitsu because I felt it makes me a better person. Not necessarily, you know, for the accomplishments of an athlete in Jiu Jitsu, not necessarily for, you know, athletic benefits, you know, like physical strength, you know, mobility and this one. Just because at the end of a Jiu Jitsu session, I feel much better than when I started the session. To put it simple, Jiu-Jitsu helps me be a better person.

[4:28]

Jiu-Jitsu for All Ages

Speaker1

[4:29]Okay. And how do you think it can be meaningful for kids and for women? Because you have both, you coach both, not only men.

Speaker0

[4:42]Um i'm teaching people of all ages i start you know with people around like kids five six years old depending on when they are ready for the for the training i believe jiu-jitsu as a, as a martial art it was created you know to give a fighting chance to someone that's smaller into a fight or weaker into a fight there's a very famous quote of the founder of jiu-jitsu helio gracie who said you know like jiu-jitsu is for the weak jiu-jitsu is for the children jiu-jitsu is for the woman jiu-jitsu is not necessarily the modern sport that we see nowadays jiu-jitsu was a necessity for someone like a smaller frame or you know fragile to have a fighting chance if, it's needed to know to be able to defend yourself. And the most rewarding I would say.

Speaker0

[5:51]Results I have when I work with kids and I help them, you know, build their confidence to speak up, you know, to communicate their boundaries, to tell to, you know, another kid that is perceived as being a bully to stop doing that. Jiu-jitsu is not all the time about fighting. People, they limit Jiu-Jitsu only to fighting, but I believe the hardest thing for the kids nowadays is to teach them how to calmly and confidently speak for themselves. Not necessarily to fight. That's how I look at Jiu-Jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu is a life skill from my point of view. It's a life skill that um i'm a father now and i have a three and a half years old daughter.

Speaker0

[6:44]And i was taking her to swimming classes and while sitting on the stands you know i looked at her and i asked myself why do i put her in swimming is it because i want her to eventually one day become an Olympian swimmer or is it because I want to make her feel comfortable around water when she's going to be by herself around water and I said yep I put her in swimming classes because one day I will not be around to protect her and I want to know that she's going to be safe if she's going to fall in water. And I look at Jiu-Jitsu for kids in the same way. I'm not starting kids Jiu-Jitsu with the hope of them becoming world champions. I'm always telling the parents, think about that. You might not be able to protect your child 24-7. We drop the kids at school and we go to our jobs and we want to make sure and to put our mind at ease that whenever my son or my daughter is in school or kindergarten or whatever, they know what they have to do to protect themselves and that's how I see it.

[8:01]

Hidden Gems of Jiu-Jitsu

Speaker1

[8:01]That makes sense, that makes me understand how what I felt when I came to your dojo and i felt absolutely no judgment um i felt that i could be just myself and learn and make my mistakes it was very easy to get around you and now i understand your intention can you just tell me now um i understand that for you jujitsu is to help people feel um confident enough to just be themselves and not go for a fight just to be safe safe and confident to feel safe whatever happens um what makes it different from the other uh martial arts do you have experience with other martial arts? What's the hidden gem of jiu-jitsu? If you could...

Speaker0

[9:02]Yes, over my... Almost 40 years I'm practicing martial arts. And I tried kind of all of them. Jiu-Jitsu, it's a little bit different than the rest of martial arts. So I started my first sport was wrestling. It's Thai wrestling. I practiced it from when I was five till I was 19. Then I went to military school. Over there, I interacted with judo, kickboxing, Muay Thai, and then MMA. It was not that popular at that time it's very popular nowadays and through MMA I got into Jiu Jitsu.

Speaker0

[9:47]If I have to pick let's say two things that they, I call them you know the like you said you know the hidden gems of Jiu Jitsu, first one is humility okay every class in Jiu Jitsu you are going to pop you are going to realize that, Plants will not all the time will go your way. I have a plan to win the fight, but obviously, you know, my opponents have a plan to win the fight. Sometimes plants will go my way, sometimes his way. And kind of teaches you to stay grounded and, you know, to be humble and to appreciate. And the second one, I will say, is the respect part of that.

Speaker0

[10:41]Because respect it's what you know connects us together it's what brings us together it was keeps us together like even yesterday i had a speech you know for like to raise the anti-bullying awareness and uh to kind of teach kids about anti-bullying and i said like if we all we will try you know to be a bit more kind or a bit more respectful, probably the bullying cases will go all the way down. I will say hidden gems of Jiu-Jitsu, respect and humility.

[11:21]

The Value of Humility

Speaker1

[11:18]Okay. Humility, you said tap. For those who don't know, tapping is surrendering and accepting that we are losing. Tapping is surrendering. For the moms who don't know what it is.

Speaker0

[11:30]True, yes.

Speaker1

[11:31]Okay. Humility is kind of the top of a mountain that a lot of people don't get to find. It's not easy to be humble and accept that we don't know, right?

Speaker0

[11:52]Yes, it's tough.

Speaker1

[11:53]It's tough?

Speaker0

[11:54]Yes, it's tough, yeah. How long does it take? Well, I think being humble depends on the... All the time I think about confidence, humility, all the time they are contextual. But it's one thing when you are in a fight, it's usually, I would say, a controlled environment when it's done in the gym, but still exposes your deepest fears, your insecurities will come, you know, you have the tendency to panic sometimes. Jiu-Jitsu keeps your ego unchecked. If you come to the gym and you say, today I'm going to kind of tap everyone around, there's no way. Someone will tap you. Someone else will tap you for sure. So yeah, we always, we have a logo next to the door, you know, and we say like, check your ego before you step on the mat. Otherwise Jiu-Jitsu will check it for you.

Speaker1

[12:59]Okay. Okay.

Speaker0

[13:01]And that kind of keeps the practitioners stay more grounded and humble themselves.

Speaker1

[13:09]That comes to the first intention that you said with the founder of Jiu-Jitsu, who created it to give a chance to those who on the paper had no chance to win, like David against Goliath, right?

Speaker0

[13:25]Yes.

Speaker1

[13:25]When Goliath gets defeated by David, he says, oh, somehow his ego gets touched. Yes.

Speaker0

[13:36]Forcefully, yes. Forcefully, yes.

[13:41]

The Anti-Bullying Focus

Speaker1

[13:41]It's very interesting. It's very interesting. You are passionate about teaching kids anti-bullying, to get strong enough. Can I ask you, what made you focus on that?

Speaker0

[13:59]Um, the older I get and the more why question I'm asking myself, why I'm doing what I'm doing. I realized that I am passionate about teaching, especially kids and especially the self-defense, the anti-bullying self-defense program because of a personal experience that I had when I was in my sixth grade. Um, I was in a sixth grade in 1992. It's a very vivid memory for me. At that time people didn't know about bullying the word bullying didn't exist it was just fighting, even though I was a national level wrestler I was competing at local competition national competition I was a national champion for wrestling and I was like a good athlete nobody taught me how to fight in a real fight at school or on the street And I thought, okay, these are sports and this is fighting. I'm going to stay away from fighting and I'm just going to focus on my sports, athletic careers.

Speaker0

[15:10]There was an 8th grader that was very well known for rude behavior and constantly picking on smaller kids at school. And it was a matter of time until he picked on me. Even though I knew how to fight, nobody taught me that there will be consequences, legal consequences of a fight. I wish I knew at that time what I'm teaching today. This is the why I settled to Jiu Jitsu and I'm teaching kids when he picked on me and he hit me I panicked, and instead of using my wrestling I just looked around I picked up a branch, it was the beginning of spring and they were trimming the trees so they were full of branches on the floor where we were playing and I picked a branch from the floor and I repeatedly hit him, until he didn't move. And that's when I realized that my words and my actions would have severe consequences and they can impact the future of my life. He ended up badly hurt in the hospital and then ended up in the police station. And I was like very, very, very, very close to end up in a juvenile prison.

Speaker0

[16:30]And it's, I will say, the why behind I'm teaching kids and why I'm teaching kids to defend themselves against bullying and why I'm trying to find, different strategies and to keep the fighting as the last resort of dealing with bullying i always encourage kids you know use your voice first ask help from adults and only if it's needed only if it's needed with you know capital letter it's needed to fight fight back but the lesson it's it's it's not how to fight it is to learn to fight only if it's needed and that's my why behind the anti-bullying self-defense programs that's why i want to teach kids to learn from my mistake and to understand that yes fighting i would say

[17:33]

Confidence and Speaking Up

Speaker0

[17:30]most Most of the time, not fighting is the hardest part. The hardest part is to speak up, is to use your voice, communicate your boundaries, communicate what you are okay with and what you are not okay with, especially with kids.

Speaker0

[17:46]Two kids, one, you know, making fun of the other one, he might say it's fun just because they see the other one's laughing at all. One of the kids perceives the situation as funny while the other one feels you know that he's making fun of and he feels bad about himself but till the moment I communicate how it makes me feel that situation, the other kid will might not know that your joke makes me feel bad about myself, and I know so many stories that they were labeled as bullying, and with a simple word stop everything's tough. No punches needed, no kicks needed, nobody was hit with any brunch and using the voice, I will say, is probably the hardest things that we can do sometimes. And that's the reason behind anti-bullying.

[18:45]

Building Confidence in Kids

Speaker1

[18:46]How long does it take for a kid to feel that level of confidence, shedding this fear of speaking up and being okay, feeling safe enough?

Speaker0

[19:07]Well, it's a very good question. I get this question very often from parents. Every parent asks me the question how long for my son how long for my daughter till we see some results, from experience I cannot say a number I can say a range someone, two to three months you know to see some changes in the level of confidence of a kid but I will say each kid learns differently and each child you know, develops differently. Like in any context, you know, like, for example, at school, some kids, you know, they grasp very quickly, you know, others, they grasp very quickly, you know, literature. Some kids, they come to the gym and in one month, they understand what it's about. Others, they need more time. I always explain to parents, you know, regardless of how long it takes, We, as you know, educators in the child's life, parents, teachers, coaches, we just have to be patient and to trust the process.

Speaker0

[20:25]I see situations somewhere in between. Some kids, they come, they understand, and they very quickly start to communicate their boundaries. I see situations where the kid comes, understands what's happening on the mat, but there's a delay when it comes to implementation in real life. I know what I have to do. Theoretically, I know what I have to do. Practically, I know how to fight. But when it comes to facing your bully, they are still not confident. You know to speak up and it takes a while till they do that one and even after i speak up, once i communicate the boundary it's not written in stone nobody will cross that boundary anymore i still have to defend it i still have to reinforce it verbally or sometimes physically, to put it simple it depends from one child to another some of them they need two or three months, some of them they might need a year. Regardless of how long it takes, we as parents or teachers or coaches, we just have to be patient and trust the process.

Speaker1

[21:36]Which is reasonably short. Two or three months is not very long. Even a year is not very long to get to this point.

Speaker0

[21:46]Well, long depends.

Speaker1

[21:48]If you have an active bully on your back. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. I noticed when I was fighting, especially starting from the purple belt. So for those who don't know, we have the white belt, the blue belt, the purple, the brown, and then we have the black. But I noticed some big shifts starting from the purple belt. Each time I was fighting one of them, they don't give up. You don't give up in Jiu-Jitsu. You get to learn that it's an art of perseverance.

[22:28]

The Art of Perseverance

Speaker1

[22:28]Do you confirm that?

[22:35]

Ego and Learning

Speaker0

[22:34]Agree to disagree.

Speaker1

[22:36]Okay, okay. I'm interested.

Speaker0

[22:40]Everybody has a breaking point.

Speaker1

[22:42]Okay.

Speaker0

[22:43]Yes. I will say all the time depends on who you are fighting against. And for how long are you fighting against? For how long? Yeah. We always make fun, you know. I always tell the students, you know, if we get tired, we will all lose. I can take the most technical athlete in Jiu-Jitsu and I make him tired, he's going to lose. I can take the fastest one, I make him tired, he's going to lose. Okay. I can take the, I don't know, smartest one. I'm going to make him tired. He's going to make poor decisions that will lead to losing. Everybody has a breaking point. Everybody has a breaking point. Yes. The... Thinking pattern or a behavior pattern that I notice on the mat is the superior belts refusing to tap to the inferior belts.

[23:53]

Vulnerability on the Mat

Speaker0

[23:49]So like you mentioned, you know, a purple belt, it's above the blue belt. So he's going to do whatever it takes not to tap to a blue belt or a white belt.

Speaker1

[23:59]Okay.

Speaker0

[24:00]But we go back to the first, one of the first questions that you asked me. Am I checking my ego here?

Speaker1

[24:07]Uh-huh.

Speaker0

[24:09]Because if I really want to learn, I'm going to put myself in dangerous situations. And that's when a situation becomes a win-win for the blue belt and for the purple belt and not a lose-lose. For example, a lose-lose situation in this one is a more advanced athlete with a less advanced athlete. I'm going to constantly, you know, tap him. I don't learn anything, technically I didn't improve, and he didn't understand anything. Because he doesn't have the level of knowledge that I have.

Speaker1

[24:44]Okay.

Speaker0

[24:44]It's a little situation for both. He gets frustrated, he doesn't understand anything, and the chances of, you know, not showing up next class are going up. While this guy, you know, only proved that, oh, I'm better than you, I can win over you repeatedly, and I didn't make myself vulnerable to learn. What i encourage them is to do is higher belts should help the lower belts i'm a big believer of each one teach one if everybody should teach someone else so if i'm a superior belt i'm going to fight at your level and i'm going to let you implement whatever you take what whatever you know up to the point where i feel in danger and only then i'm going to start fighting, And that's when both of them, they are going to learn from that fight. This guy learns that up to one point, my technique works. From here on, I need to work more. This guy knows that if I let him climb that ladder all the way up, I might not be able to defend, even if I'm technically better than you. But if I know where to stop, I can fight back.

[25:59]

The Journey of Jiu-Jitsu

Speaker0

[25:55]We call this one, putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. It, making yourself vulnerable. And there's a spectrum of vulnerability that you can expose yourself to in Jiu-Jitsu.

Speaker1

[26:10]It's very interesting. That makes me understand that the point of Jiu-Jitsu is to become a

Speaker0

[26:21]A turtle, if it comes to the journey, probably yes. Yes, because it's a very slow journey. It's a very slow journey. Yeah, yeah. And yes, if I have to think about fighting, the first thing that you learn in Jiu-Jitsu is to turtle up. Kind of to close up in a shell, to be able to survive. Because once you create a very strong shelf around you that cannot be penetrated by all the attacks possible and you are comfortable in surviving, that's when you're going to fight back. That's when you're going to be able to calm down your mind and to find out the way of the bad situation that you are in the type. I like to use the analogy of jiu-jitsu and a turtle it's a long journey we have to go slowly like a turtle and at the beginning you have to become very, good at defending yourself yeah, holding up in the turtle shell.

Speaker1

[27:35]And how did you notice or do you have a tool, what's your strategy to make the kids don't give up and get along with this long journey. How do you make them...

Speaker0

[27:53]Stick, how we make them stick around. When we coach kids, when we teach jiu-jitsu to kids, we always try to gamify the class, to make games around fighting. We refrain ourselves from using the fighting word, and more like playing word, jiu-jitsu. We play jiu-jitsu, we don't fight jiu-jitsu. yeah uh we all the our coaching staff in absoluto we all the time kind of a philosophy of teaching we tell them you know kids they don't want to train with us kids they don't want to learn from us but for sure kids they will like to play with us so it's on us as coaches to make the class entertaining. I can take a technique and I can present it in a technical way that will be making sense, you know, for an adult. And I can take the same technique and, you know, presenting it in a fun way associated maybe with some animal games or some video games and the kids will love it. And it's the same technique, it's just presented in a different way depending on the audience that we have on the market.

Speaker0

[29:19]Coach should be fluid in his approach. Some students, they are more serious and they are looking for more technical. So if I'm working with a Jiu-Jitsu competitor, I cannot use punning names. He needs to get very technical. While if it's someone at the beginning of the journey, especially kids, we want to connect Jiu-Jitsu with their passion. Passion for video games, passion for games, games in general.

Speaker1

[29:49]Okay.

Speaker0

[29:50]We will try to make it as fun as possible.

[29:52]

Starting Young: The Right Age

Speaker1

[29:53]And what age is more suitable for a kid to start Jiu-Jitsu,

Speaker0

[29:58]In your opinion? From experience, come around the age of five.

Speaker1

[30:04]Okay.

Speaker0

[30:05]Kids, they start to benefit from Jiu-Jitsu training. We tried earlier, like four and five, three and four. We noticed that they don't fully benefit from training. While five, six, I would say it's a good age to expose kids to the future. But again, I would say, you know, the physiological age and the, natural age are kind of different. I can have a five-year-old kid that's still not matured, so he still needs assistance on the mat. And I can have a four-year-old that behaves like a seven-year-old. So we all the time try the class to see if they like it, if they can follow some of the instructions on the mat. And if that one happens, we can start at four. We even have three-and-a-half-year-old students, but they behave like a seven years old so.

Speaker1

[31:05]The key is the attention

Speaker0

[31:05]Five yes it's the attention it's the attention and mainly if they can follow structure and instruction that's that, every class regardless if it's kids or adults our main goal in the academy and for coaches is to, keep the class safe. And if the kid follows the instruction, he's going to be safe and will keep others safe. I'll give you a very simple example. If I ask 20 kids to run around the mat in a structured way, and one decides not to follow that instruction and stops in the middle of the running, he exposes himself to injury while exposing others to injuries. So we want to make sure that when the coach says, okay, everybody runs around the mat for five laps, everybody will run and nobody will stop. Or everybody walks around, nobody will run. Well, everybody is working. So safety is priority number one on the mat. And when we talk about kids, we notice that around the age of five, they are able to follow instructions and understand what safety means.

Speaker1

[32:18]Okay. Okay. Um... Which makes me ask, what's the oldest you had starting Jiu-Jitsu?

Speaker0

[32:30]Well, there's not an upper limit. Okay. Currently, I would say the oldest student that I'm teaching is 55.

Speaker1

[32:38]Okay.

Speaker0

[32:39]Just started two months ago. Yeah.

Speaker1

[32:43]So, there are two really limits.

Speaker0

[32:46]Five to 55. Five to 55. There are no real limits.

[32:54]

No Age Limits in Jiu-Jitsu

Speaker0

[32:50]I will say that the real limit is self-imposed. I am too old for this. I am… Yeah, there is no such thing.

Speaker1

[33:00]No, there is not. I think I started… When did I start? Three years ago? 45 years old? It's not that young.

Speaker0

[33:12]Yesterday, we had a 45-year-old student joining our beginner's class.

Speaker1

[33:17]Oh, that's nice.

Speaker0

[33:19]After maybe more than five years of just watching Jiu-Jitsu classes because he is bringing his son to Jiu-Jitsu classes and constantly see me how I'm teaching his son, and I kept telling him when you are ready, we are ready and, yesterday he said I'm ready coach, I'm going to step on the mat and he put on the uniform and he stepped on the mat and at the end of the class he's like wow, it's a very big difference between seeing Jiu Jitsu and doing Jiu Jitsu. And one of the, to quote him, he said like, over the years watching you teaching my son, and you know, having fun on the mat, teaching, you know, inspiring with them. I look at myself and I say like, physically I'm bigger than you. And I think I'm stronger than you. I think I have a fighting chance. And at the end of the class, we were sparring a little bit. He finished the class and he was like, wow, there's a sweet difference between seeing Jiu-Jitsu and doing Jiu-Jitsu.

[34:27]

The Humbling Experience

Speaker0

[34:27]And I was so ignorant, thinking that I have a fighting chance against you. Well, that's why I encourage people to at least one time step on the mark. Because that's when Jiu-Jitsu will ground you, bring you back on.

Speaker0

[34:47]On earth. Otherwise, you build scenarios in your mind and you think, I'm better than you. I can do better than you. And suddenly, reality happens. Humbling happens.

Speaker1

[35:01]Yes. It's humbling and also strengthening because I remember in my experience And I wasn't aware of how much fear I was experimenting. I had just noticed that I had too much aggressivity. I couldn't speak calmly when feeling threatened. And going on the mat and fighting other women mainly, made me realize that I was calmer. I could even be aware of my automatisms and how scared sometimes I was when somebody was crossing my boundaries, how to respond to that. So at some point, I was feeling that I was not fighting somebody else. I was fighting my fear, my own fear.

Speaker0

[36:13]We all fight that. We all fight that. There's a saying in martial arts. A fight should be one-on-one, right? Like when I'm facing an opponent, it should be one-on-one.

[36:30]

Confronting Fear

Speaker0

[36:30]But if I doubt myself, I am outnumbered. The fight becomes two-on-one. It becomes me versus myself. And me against the opponent in front of me.

Speaker1

[36:46]Yeah.

Speaker0

[36:46]I... Yeah, kids, it's a good example. Kids, they come to me and say that, you know, coach, probably you don't feel any fear when you go to competitions or you don't feel any fear. I said, I'm still afraid. I'm still scared. I just learn how to manage it better. That's what we learn. I'm not scared of certain situations, but I'm still scared in most of the situation. And I always tell them, fear is a good thing and it's going to be with you. For the rest of your life. Don't look at fear at something negative. Fear is energy. Gives you energy. Fear keeps you alive. You just have to learn how to direct that energy. How to use that energy. You can use that fear to freeze.

Speaker1

[37:39]Yeah.

Speaker0

[37:40]Or you can use that fear to fight back. Or you can use that fear, you know, to create something. Fear is just energy. And it's going to be there with you all the time. So when it comes to Jiu-Jitsu, there are a lot of, you know.

Speaker0

[37:58]Fears, you know, that we bring on the map. Fear of getting hurt, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being exposed, fear of looking, you know, bad in front of my peers, in front of my parents. Think about how many scenarios goes through the mind of a child that trains hard and then he wants to go to a competition where in the stands there's going to be hundreds of people, and he perceives that everybody's looking at him and everybody's judging him. He perceives that his friends are looking at him and judging him or parents looking at him and judging him or a coach looking at him and judging him. Now, if he has to face all those fears, there's going to be no performance on the map. The same thing happens in a bullying situation. If I perceive the other person, you know, superior to me, better than me, stronger than me, it means that kind of subconsciously I put myself down. And I always think, why bother, you know, speak up to myself if, you know, nobody's going to support me in this. journey. Fear is going to be there all the time. It's on us to accept that and to learn how to guide that fear.

Speaker1

[39:25]Yeah, yeah. Because mechanically, what you are saying also, and what I experienced, is that when you go on the mat and you are touching another body and you are confronting the body the brain just simply the fear lowers just mechanically because you're touching somebody else you are you are pushing you are feeling some strength against you that you are resisting so the brain is also getting used to that so the anxiety lowers well

Speaker0

[40:01]Like like in my opinion I'm not a psychologist, but what I notice is that if I let my mind wander, most of the time it's going to come with negative scenarios. So I have to kind of put in an active effort to bring it back towards the positive. Same thing I notice when I'm sparring or when I'm training. If I have to face an opponent that I do not know anything about him, I just look at him. It's the first time when I see him. And I know that he wants to win and I want to win. He potentially wants to hurt me. I potentially want to hurt him. If I mentally tell myself, oh, he looks bigger.

[40:55]

Fear as Energy

Speaker0

[40:55]I already made myself smaller. he looks stronger mentally I accept that I might be weaker he might train for a longer time, but I do not acknowledge my journey or where I am in my journey and I I ask you know the, kids you know when you face situations like this breathe first, take a couple of breaths and tell yourself I'm going to do okay everything is okay i'm going to be okay it's just another human being i'm not another human being he has two hands i have two hands he knows the ritual i know the ritual let's play let's play, yeah let's play and not let's fight when i use the word fight has like a aggressive connotation when i use play my mind shifts into a playful mode and i become more creative than when i think about fighting. That's how I look at it.

Speaker1

[42:01]Yeah, it seems logical to have this intention. Okay. Thank you for that.

Speaker0

[42:09]Thank you very much. I hope it will help people, you know, look at fighting in a different way.

Speaker1

[42:16]I hope so. I hope so. But there's something I noticed, as I'm passionate with the subconscious programming as a therapist, as a hypnotherapist. I noticed something with my colleagues on the mat. Some of them were at, after at least the blue belt, were walking, some of them like bears, some of them like gorillas. And one of the girls I was fighting with, she used her legs like she was an octopus. It was, she kept keeping on with her legs. I thought she had eight legs at some point. And some of them had also the fighting style of a cat. So I was thinking, When we reach those levels, those range of mastery, I was thinking maybe our subconscious and all the moves are somehow related to animal moves make our subconscious relate to those animals. And if you know about that, people, when you meet someone,

Speaker1

[43:44]The subconscious we meet first subconscious to subconscious so this is why for example you will meet very little black belts fight or being aggressive being bullied outside because somehow the bully feels that this person is not scared has body language of someone who is super confident because indeed he knows how to fight back. So maybe I was thinking this Jiu-Jitsu is a natural subconscious reprogramming us into radiating the energy of those animals with their strength.

Speaker0

[44:42]What did you notice that? Yeah. I love it. I love this question. I say this in two ways.

Speaker1

[44:50]Okay.

Speaker0

[44:52]I'm looking at martial arts for a long time, and... Not only Jiu-Jitsu, most of the martial arts, they have some styles, you know, that imitate, you know, different animals. And especially, you know, in karate.

Speaker1

[45:09]Okay.

Speaker0

[45:10]Jiu-Jitsu is not far from that one. Jiu-Jitsu is not far. Like, you'll hear so many techniques named by our guards in Jiu-Jitsu. Guard means, for those of you that don't know what it means, the fighter at the bottom fights from the back against a standing opponent. So they use their legs from the back like a spider.

Speaker1

[45:31]Yes.

Speaker0

[45:32]Or like an octopus. Those are guards. It's called octopus guard or spider guard, weed guard, worm guard. They're like animals. Looking at the learning curve of a student, when the student first comes to Jitsu, it's kind of a copy-paste process. He copies techniques from me. We both look the same. We both have, you know, two hands, two legs, and we kind of moving the same way. He keeps learning from me as a coach, but once he understands, so white belt level means copy-paste, copy-paste, copy-paste. I'm teaching you as a coach how to do the A letter, B letter, C letter, and so on, the way I know as a coach.

Speaker0

[46:27]From blue belt and now, you start to write. But your handwriting doesn't look like my handwriting. We know we both know the same letters so handwriting starts to look different from blue belt and up from purple and up the way you express yourself in write and writing it's different than the way i express myself in writing that's when styles are coming in which means your physical abilities your physical attributes will kind of start to look like more like a spider more like a squid more like a worm while for me I'm going to look more like a sloth because I move very very slowly so, and yes, even the fighters they are nicknamed based on you know on their style of fighting okay okay yeah, regarding the subconscious and the way let's say an attacker will perceive me as a person.

Speaker0

[47:38]Confidence, it's always, you know, projected outside. And what are the signs, you know, the signs that will tell to a potential attacker, you know, that I'm a confident person. Before me even talking with you. Nonverbal communication. Porture. The way you carry yourself. The way you make eye contact.

[48:07]

Non-Verbal Communication

Speaker0

[48:07]The way you speak, the way you keep your senses, you know, working.

Speaker0

[48:16]I'm not sure if you know, but before being a full-time coach, I worked as a police officer for a very long time. And I had access to lots of studies. And one of them was inmates asked to pick the next target. Only by looking at videos of people walking on the street.

Speaker0

[48:40]10 out of 10 inmates, they picked targets that they were not aware of their surroundings or that they looked, you know, that you were not presenting themselves as confident. So whenever you have a slouched posture, you cover your head with a hoodie or you wear headphones on the street or you wear sunglasses and you don't check your surroundings, you increase your chances to become a target.

Speaker0

[49:12]On the opposite side if I have a straight posture straight back, keep my head up look left and right, make eye contact with the people on the street, I'm not wearing headphones I'm not wearing sunglasses and I'm aware of everything that happens the chances of someone picking on me are decreasing because they all the time look They're looking, you know, for an easy fight. They're looking for an easy target. Not someone that is going to resist them. Not someone that they're going to lose to. So before us, you know, talking, there's a signal that, you know, my posture, my eye contact will send around and say, I'm aware of what's happening around and I'm confident that I can stand my ground if you are intruding it.

[50:09]

De-Escalating Aggression

Speaker0

[50:02]That's how I look at the animals and subconscious and non-verbal communication.

Speaker1

[50:10]Non-verbal communication is 93% of our communication. It's only 7% goes out of our mouth.

Speaker0

[50:18]That's true. I'm a big believer of this one. Well, I always give examples of, it's funny that the more I learn to fight and understand what fighting is, the less I used it. And... Just because, you know, my posture, my attitude, my demeanor send, you know, that message that, nope, there's no room for negotiation here. And I'm talking right now, you know, especially on the police field.

Speaker0

[50:54]As a police officer, rarely you interact with people at their best in life. Most of the time you interact with people at their lowest in life. And aggressiveness is on the table all the time i always tell them aggressiveness it's on a spectrum and it's going to exist in your life like fear exists in your life now i can interact with someone you know that's verbally aggressive or i can interact with someone that's physically aggressive, and it's on me to de-escalate that situation and if i go there with my mind prepared all the time I'm going to fight this person, most likely the fight will happen. And when a fight happens, there's going to be some sort of damage on both sides. But if I go over there with the mind, I'm ready to fight, but I don't want to, my main goal is to de-escalate this one. That's when I started to use fighting less and less and less and less. And just, you know, a simple eye contact, a calm and confident voice, A strong posture will de-escalate 9 out of 10 situations. Learn how to fight because you have to sometimes, but don't look for fights. That's the power of, let's say, non-verbal communication that I learn over the time.

Speaker1

[52:22]Yeah. You said something very interesting about people who are targets for attacks somehow are not attentive to their environment. So it's like you are telling me somehow that focus and attention are key.

[52:54]

Attention and Focus

Speaker1

[52:43]But I noticed, even in my case, I noticed that some of us are not helped. We have some issues focusing because the mind can go. And some of the kids even are known to be adults to have a deficit of attention. Do you have experience?

Speaker0

[53:10]I'm one of them.

Speaker1

[53:11]You're one of them.

Speaker0

[53:12]Yeah.

Speaker1

[53:13]Of course. So do you have observed maybe a real impact on this ability of focus and attention? Obviously, yes, because I saw you. You're super attentive. When you are looking to someone, you're very focused. But how long does it take? And do you see a progress with kids in this matter?

Speaker0

[53:41]I'm not a doctor to say that. Um, I hear it from the parents, uh, lately, what happens, we have more parents, uh, bringing their kids to Jiu Jitsu because the doctors are recommending Jiu Jitsu, especially when it comes to attention or focus. Um, my personal belief, it's, uh, it's probably if the, you know. Newer, I'll say, medical terms such as ADHD will have been when I was a teenager or a kid, I will have been put on the spectrum on that one. I consider myself on the spectrum right now. I have hyper focus when it comes to certain subjects and I have no interest at all when it comes to certain subjects. Um i guess this is what led me you know to study more and to try to understand how people are learning and made the difference you know in my teaching style and i've learned you know that some people they learn more you know by they learn better by listening others by seeing others by doing i am a doing guy so i'm using my hands all the time i have to do things with my hands I don't retain any kind of information if someone's talking.

Speaker1

[55:10]Okay.

Speaker0

[55:12]I need to see. And over the time I realized that it's a combination of all and one is dominant. I can listen to someone, I can see someone demonstrated, but if I don't do it, I'm not going to retain that information. Since that they come to Jiu-Jitsu, they have to slow down.

Speaker0

[55:34]And we always tell them, slow down to learn fast. We need to slow down to learn fast. When we learn something, we have to learn it slow at the beginning. Fast, it's a result of repetition, but the repetition has to be slow. And I was saying, you know, like in martial arts in general, slow it's smooth, smooth it's fast. We need to slow down to learn fast with repetition the repetition becomes smoother and the smoother it comes it becomes faster, and I believe in this process for the kids they come and Jiu Jitsu when it comes to fighting, puts you in the moment so you have to think about what do I have to do right now Jiu Jitsu doesn't let your mind wander Oh, right now I'm fighting with you, but I'm thinking of what I'm going to have for dinner. If that one happens, you're going to lose that one. And because it's physically active, puts the kids in the moment. And we see kids, you know, from very little attention span, 20, 30 seconds, over the class, you know, improving, sitting more still, focusing, making eye contact for longer.

Speaker0

[57:01]Waiting more patiently for their turn.

Speaker0

[57:06]Being more focused, you can see their focus in their eyes when they start to spar with each other. I know it doesn't seem much, you know, especially if you've never been exposed to fighting. What does it mean for a kid to fight with another kid in a controlled environment like we have in Jiu-Jitsu?

[57:29]

The Common Thread

Speaker0

[57:25]Parents, they keep saying, you know, I want to see my child more focused. I want to see my child being more confident, confidence and focus for me it's all the time contextual in which context do you want to see your child more focused in which context do you want to see your child more disciplined in which context do you want to see your child more confident and we narrow it down to self-defense i want to see my child being more confident asserting you know his boundaries uh standing up and speaking up for themselves and so on and they come to the gym, a parent tell him like i don't know how to fight so i'm going to take you to their coach and coach is going to teach you how to fight but then they start to see other benefits it starts to focus more has more structure becomes more disciplined follows rules better knows how to interact with other kids we all the time tell them in jiu-jitsu we don't fight to hurt each other, in jiu-jitsu we fight with each other to help each other become better, we don't fight to hurt the bully we fight to control the bully to control his fear to control his aggressiveness we don't try to hurt ourselves we don't try to hurt the other one and then the kids they start to become more respectful some of them you know they they become more empathetic.

Speaker0

[58:53]I don't believe you know that there are kids with mean intentions. There are just kids you know that they don't understand that through their actions can hurt others. It's funny because not only kids that they want to learn how to defend themselves they come to our academy.

Speaker0

[59:12]There are kids that they are labeled bullies that they come to our academy to learn how to control their aggressiveness in a school format or, you know, other group settings. That's how I look at Jiu Jitsu. Like a.

Speaker0

[59:32]Kind of forces you to slow down to be in the moment. And if I manage to do that one for 30 seconds this class, and then 31 seconds for the next class, 32 seconds for the next class, and you keep showing up, that's going to help you on the mat and off the mat. It's going to have transferability in off the mat activities. We all the time tell them, if you get better here in the Jiu-Jitsu class, by focusing and listening to the coaches, being respectful, and this one, for sure, this one will be transferable in the academic format, like school.

Speaker1

[1:00:14]That gives a lot of hope to a lot of parents, I believe. I noticed one beautiful thing in Jiu-Jitsu. The people who come to Jiu-Jitsu are usually very different From very different backgrounds And I'm sure you're going to confirm this But somehow they all have, I don't know, some common thing Maybe the value, I don't know what's common Can you explain to me what's common with the people who come to jiu-jitsu.

Speaker0

[1:00:59]Well, I'll give you an example of when I started jiu-jitsu back in Romania, that's 20, 20 years ago. And at that time I was a police officer and, uh, I was looking for some, let's say, nonviolent solutions to fighting. Cause I noticed, you know, that the way I was taught in the military school was more like striking and that was leading to injuries. and was leading, you know, to lawsuits. So I was looking for some nonviolent solutions. Going on the mat and meeting the community. So I'm talking about a class of 100, 120 people, all coming from different walks of life. And the more I spot, I saw, you know, it was very, very interesting. Some of them were actors. Some of them, they were artists. Some of them, they were ITs. ITs, some of them were CEOs of one of the biggest companies in Romania. I was a police officer. I was fortunate enough to meet judges and prosecutors on the same mat. But also, I met people on the other side of the law.

Speaker1

[1:02:15]Okay.

Speaker0

[1:02:16]And we were sparring together. And I kept asking myself, what brings us all together, you know, on the map. At that time was fighting but the older i got i think i think the only thing that brought us together at that time was looking to become better as a human being like looking you know to, understand myself better to understand the other ones better and i was i'm fortunate enough to build some now 20 years long you know relationships with those people from all walks of life and when i asked why why did you do jiu-jitsu why do you stay in jiu-jitsu and said you know it helps me be a better person it helps me be a better partner it helps me you know understand the one in front of me a little bit better it helps me understand how both of us can be very very vulnerable and very, very fragile. I can easily hurt you, and you can easily hurt me. But that's not the purpose. How we can help each other, that's the whole purpose of Jiu-Jitsu.

[1:03:32]

The Purpose of Jiu-Jitsu

Speaker0

[1:03:32]I will say, if I have to say it in one sentence, Jiu-Jitsu brings us together because we are all looking to become better persons. That's my personal conclusion.

Speaker1

[1:03:46]I'm hearing you very, very deeply because you said some interesting things if i may add to that what i understand first you said that you saw people from um the justice world the the justice people the judges prosecutors policemen and you see you say you had the other side also coming same place and in my perspective as a therapist people you see there is no good or bad people there is only emotional damage Yes, more or less. There is only levels of emotional damage. Some emotional damages are very, very, very, very deep. So the people are incapable of getting out of it without help and without intention. But there is one thing that, I mean, if you are a policeman, if you are a judge, if you're a prosecutor, you have some kind of ideal of justice. Right?

Speaker1

[1:05:03]You have an intention of justice. And on the other hand, you have other people who are not following the rules, but at some point it's their part of fighting the injustice, the unfairness, the unfair game that we are all dealing with. And in the psychotherapy scope, we all have kind of wounds. And one of them is very famous. It's the injustice wound. So at some point, we have been hurt emotionally with unfairness. Like any story you heard about someone who has been convicted or accused wrongly will have an injustice and unfairness wound. And this brings a lot of anger. It brings a lot of frustration. It brings a lot of rage and we can decide to act it's a choice then you can go for enforcing the more fairness and work for the let's say the justice part and you become somebody who fights for the rights of people

Speaker0

[1:06:30]Or you can say it's.

Speaker1

[1:06:32]Dead I cannot do anything so I'm going to use this for me does it make sense to you

Speaker0

[1:06:41]Yes it makes a lot of sense these are, let's say again I'm not a therapist as conclusions I reach over the time, when I was a police officer I was looking at things black and white and then I tried to distance myself and say there are no good people or bad people there are just different people, we all come from different backgrounds and we have different previous experiences that let's say made us what we are today but also I believe that there's a, daily choice that we make where we can allow those previous experiences to, define us, to break us, or we can allow those previous experiences to make us, you know, a kinder person, a more respectful person, a more empathetic person.

Speaker0

[1:07:44]I always try to understand, you know, like, that's the reason that I ask why. Because I want to see where you are coming from. Because my previous relationships, my previous experiences might not be the best example for you. Your previous experiences, you know, might not be the best ones for me. My role as the coach is to try to connect with you, where you are right now. Previous experiences that brought you up to this point and how jiu-jitsu can help impact, you know, your life in a positive way. I believe all those people, you know, let's say on the blue side and on the red side, they were using jiu-jitsu as a self-help tool to become a little bit better, to feel a little bit better. I don't think anyone had you know any, bad intentions of using you know jiu-jitsu in a negative way to hurt others, I always believe you know that yeah at that time they were all looking you know for a, a way to make themselves feel better and become a little bit better,

[1:09:07]

Becoming a Better Person

Speaker0

[1:09:05]and Jiu Jitsu was like a tool in their life. For me, it's still a tool that helps me feel better and become better.

Speaker1

[1:09:13]You said about humility and respect. Yes. So, at some point you are saying that Jiu Jitsu is a way for us to make us more understanding. What's the spirit at the end?

Speaker0

[1:09:33]At the end, I think.

Speaker0

[1:09:39]When you put yourself at least one time into a fight, and I highly recommend not to be on the street, to come to Jiu-Jitsu and try it out, you will understand how easily you can get hurt or how easily you can hurt others. It's easy to hurt. It's harder, you know, to help someone become stronger, more confident. And when you start it from a place of love, place of gratitude, place of humility, that's when I believe good things will happen.

[1:10:28]

The Spirit of Kindness

Speaker0

[1:10:29]The opposite is true when I just try to let my ego take over and do things because you know I want to prove myself I want to show that I'm the best, we are going to reap what we sow I will say if I have to resume to two traits it's going to be humility and respect, teaches people to be humble and teaches people to be a little bit more respectful, and as a result of that one they become kinder persons.

Speaker1

[1:11:04]So that's the spirit. To be kinder.

Speaker0

[1:11:10]I tell the kids, you know, we learn how to be the kind warriors. And we cannot be kind if we don't use kind words to ourselves and to others.

Speaker1

[1:11:24]So it's like becoming a jujitsu panda. Instead of Kung Fu. Did you try Kung Fu, by the way?

Speaker0

[1:11:34]No, I didn't.

Speaker1

[1:11:36]I'm not going to explain to me this mystery of Kung Fu. That was Coach Remus. I am so blessed to have this time with you today. I learned a lot. You have no idea how much you made me understand why I was so amazed by Jiu-Jitsu. I hope a lot of moms will be able to hear this episode because somehow they kind of have a big influence in families and for kids?

Speaker0

[1:12:17]Yes, they do.

Speaker1

[1:12:18]They do? Yes, they do.

Speaker0

[1:12:22]As a coach, whenever I, let's say, interact with parents, I notice that the decision maker in the training, it's 99% of the time is the mom.

Speaker1

[1:12:36]It's the mom, yeah.

Speaker0

[1:12:37]Yeah, it's the mom. The moms, they pray. And when I asked myself why, I went back in time and I noticed that my mom was the one, you know, repairing my stuff for the training. My mom was the one taking me to school. My mom was the one taking me to training and so on. I look around in the gym, 90% of the parents that they bring their kids to the gym are the moms. And then I'm a parent too. who's taking my daughter to swimming classes 9 out of 10 is my wife yeah and I cannot you know.

Speaker0

[1:13:20]Stay, you know, like to get to the child, I have to talk with the mom. To get to, the kid comes to the class and he has one goal in mind, to have fun. The mom has a different goal. The mom has the nurturing goal. She has the educating goal. She wants to see some progress. And the coach is in between. How we are going to meet all these ones and one of the first things that I like to do is to sit down with the parents and to explain them and to kind of set the expectations right from the beginning and tell them okay it's going to be a process it's not going to happen overnight be patient these will be some milestones that you that we have to follow kid wants to train that's good wants to have fun that's good it means it's an activity that he likes to do and if he keeps doing it and he keeps having fun he's going to become consistent if he keeps showing up then we can guarantee the progress that you're looking for, so i explain to the parents be patient be patient be patient it's a process it's a process one day when we lose hope that's when we see the progress Ah.

Speaker1

[1:14:45]That's beautiful.

Speaker0

[1:14:45]When I say, when is going to happen? When is going to happen? And one day when we stop asking ourselves when is going to happen, boom, magic, it comes. But only comes if we trust the process.

[1:15:01]

Trusting the Process

Speaker1

[1:15:02]Trust the process. Well, my hope today is that a lot of moms will see that. You have been a real, real teacher for me. Thank you very much. And who knows? Maybe we'll get to know each other more in the future. And I don't know what the future will bring, but for sure, I'm confident that all the kids that will come to you will feel what I felt today. And hopefully they will understand why.

Speaker0

[1:15:43]Well, thank you very much for the invitation. I'm honored to share my lessons and my mistakes. I hope as many people will learn from my mistakes and from my lessons without you know paying the price that I paid and I wish everyone you know to stay safe and to learn how to stay safe because it's easy to do that one and Jiu Jitsu can be a very very useful tool that will teach you how to stay safe but also will teach you about other things you know in life such as confidence, kindness, respect, and a lot of lessons that can be learned from that. Thank you very much for allowing me to share my experience and lessons with you. Thank you very much.

Speaker1

[1:16:38]Thanks to you coach Primoz. See you soon.

Speaker0

[1:16:40]