WTF Do I Do Now?

Expanding Your World After Betrayal & My New Betrayal Survival Guide

• Mandy | Betrayal & Empowerment Life Coach • Episode 26

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  All right. Welcome back to another episode of what the fuck do I do now with your host Mandy? And we talk all things, betrayal, trauma, cheating, infidelity, porn, addiction, porn harms, and just reminding women that this. Addiction this betrayal or this treating was not, your fault has nothing to do with you, your body. 

And you can get through this and life will get better. I promise. But your feelings are totally valid. And so before we jump into today's episode, I have a super excited announcement, but first I just have some questions for you to see if this will resonate.  What are you tired of? Replaying the betrayal over and over in your mind? Do you feel stuck in the storm of anxiety, anger, and sadness. 

Wondering if you'll ever feel like yourself again? Do you ever ask yourself? Why wasn't I enough, what's wrong with me? Will that ever be able to trust anyone or myself again, why can't I stop comparing myself to her or those unrealistic porn stars? How do I stop feeling triggered by social media movies, or even random conversations that bring all of the  memories back. How do I stop the self blame? 

And finally believe that this wasn't my fault. Can I ever create a life where I feel happy and at peace. Is this pain just going to become my new normal forever. How did I see this coming on every wheel to trust someone again? Are these triggers, memories and flash flashbacks going to control my life forever. So, if you've been asking yourself these questions at all, just know you're not alone. 

I've been there too. And I hope from this podcast series, you know, that I've been in the portrayal trenches with you, but healing is possible and you can create a life so much better than the one you're in now. And that's exactly where I created something where I know I'll be able to help a lot of girls and it's been six months in the making. 

And so I'm so excited to finally be able to lodge this. So I'm launching a digital course in December called betrayal, survival guide, transforming pain into power. So it's designed to help you move from heartbreak to healing, from doubt to self-trust and from survival to true thriving, whether you left the relationship or you're still in it, this will work for you. 

And it's what I do behind the scenes with my clients. But I don't necessarily talk about much on social media because the techniques and the tools are.  How do I say this? And it's not really possible to teach someone who's over social media because it goes very in-depth. And so something I really struggled with when I tried healing, my betrayal trauma was there's so much information and  mindset reframes out there, but not necessarily specific tools and techniques on how to actually heal and move on. 

So I just felt stuck and I didn't feel like I was actually healing. I felt like I would take  one step forward and 10 steps back. And I just felt like I was learning and learning and taking in so much information, but not actually moving forward and healing. Thankfully so-so thankfully I know I'm so grateful to have this experience. 

I had an amazing opportunity to go travel alone internationally, and I backpacked through foreign countries. And while I was there, my goal was just to learn everything I could about  ancient healing modalities, and different techniques that they use in other parts of the world. So I took so many classes and workshops and just learned how trauma lives in our physical body, not just in our mind and why nervous system regulation is quite literally the only way we can heal long-term from any trauma. And the reason that we don't feel like we're healing often is because we're taking in so much information. But our nervous system is dysregulated or it's in fight or flight mode. 

So you don't actually retain any of that information.  So this course teaches you how to calm your mind and body so you can actually learn and then apply techniques actually healed to actually move forward. So this course is accumulation of let's see, I've been out of the way ship for a year and a half now, and then it's accumulation of everything from my travels and my certifications as a women's empowerment life coach. Uh, trauma informed life, coach I meditation and trauma informed breathwork teacher. 

So there's many different modalities, so many different techniques, and it comes from it from a very holistic approach instead of just trying to. Work through mindset reframed or tell you to think more positive about the situation. And so I packed it with tools where you could actually use it in your daily life from over 40 nervous system regulation techniques, meditation. Visualization somatic practices and body and practices, and step-by-step after sides to help you feel calm, grounded, and to take control of your life again, instead of feeling like you're just stuck in this clusterfuck, that betrayal trauma is. Okay. 

So something that I think is so important to talk about was like betrayal, trauma. It's not just in your mind, it's in your body. It's why you feel panicked. It's why you feel overwhelmed or on edge, even when you're trying to move forward. It's why your heart starts to race. When you're watching a movie with a nude scene it's while your stomach drops, when you have a bad gut feeling or you see something that triggers you, or you  just  think back to a situation or memory, and you're able to connect the dots, like all those sensations and all of. The way we feel it's it's so to stuck in our body. 

And so healing requires so much more than just reading books or listening to podcasts. Of course, that's helpful. Of course, the more information you have. And information education is empowerment. But it also requires tools that help you process and release that trauma from your nervous system. So you can actually retain and take in and apply the information that you're reading and listening to. 

So in this course, I want you to imagine feeling, this is the outcome that I want you to imagine feeling is feeling calm and capable, even when triggers arise, because you know exactly how to handle them instead of the ruining your day. Making decisions from a place of confidence and power, not fear, whether that's staying in the relationship or leaving it behind for good. 

Again, this course is designed whether in the right ship or left. Also letting go of self blame and knowing without a doubt that the betrayal was never your fault. I'm sure. You've heard so many times people say it's not your fault. It's not your fault. Plus courses designed to actually help you genuinely believe that and know that it's true.  Oh, so imagine waking up with peace, purpose and excitement for life, you've rebuilt that genuinely excites you. 

I've talked about this so many times before, but it's the life I had built now is so different from the life I was having before I was in a unfulfilling nine to five. Tech startup job that was just draining my energy. I only had about like two good girlfriends and my other friends who didn't have that many like-minded interests. 

And I was going to bars all the time.  I was just like numbing myself because I just felt so empty. And I just stayed.  I was like, this can't be life.  This is not what life can be. And the life I have now, like every day I wake up, I feel so purpose-driven I feel happy. 

I feel excited. I have. So many more different groups of friends and hobbies and activities.  I barely drink any alcohol anymore. And I feel like I'm finally becoming the woman I was meant to be, instead of being this shell of a woman, like, that's what I want this course to help you do. 

I want every woman to be able to wake up and be like, okay, I overcame my betrayal. Sweet, but I'm also creating this amazing life that excites me so much. I know it's possible because I've seen people do it.  And imagine just looking in the mirror and seeing someone who's strong and confident and worthy and someone that you love and respect you already are all those things. 

But oftentimes when we go through betrayal, we think so poorly of ourselves because we've just gone through such a deep rejection in a sense, and a betrayal that we'd never thought we would experience. And we take that as it being our fault as  if only I was more attractive or more desirable or more sexy, like whatever it may be. 

We just think if we could have done something differently that we could have changed it, but it's not true. And so this course really helps you go through that and understand that and help you. .  Learn to fall in love with yourself. I want you to become the number one priority. And your life and you learn how to set boundaries. 

You learn how to use your voice. You learn how to cut people out of your life. If they are draining energy out of you, but you also know how to get comfortable being alone. Not saying that you have to leave the relationship. Even being in a relationship, it's good to be able to have sovereignty being alone and going and doing things alone and having fun while doing it and meeting new people. 

There's so much more to life. I'm just wanting you to know that it's so possible. So. I feel like I've been rambling a bit, but I'm launching the betrayal warrior survival guide in December. And I'm also going to do a webinar before then, so you can  learn more about me, learn more about like my exact teaching style. Learn what's included in the course. 

And also it is why it's different than any other course on the market with the different techniques and the nerve system regulation modalities I use in all these ancient healing choose the tools that I use, that I haven't really seen other coaches be using.  So if you want to be the first to hear about my course details and get on the waitlist for the webinar, I have a link in my show notes to sign up. 

It's totally free. You're not agreeing to purchase the course by any means this. Just helping me get access to your email so I can message you with all the course details. And so you can sign up for the free webinar. And again, I created this in mind at this course of mind, whether you left the relationship or you're still in it. So I have different modules that whether in the relationship or ones, if you already left. 

So if you're in a relationship, we go through modules or decide of your, for conciliation is right for you. What support you need,  tapping into your intuition. And then if you already left the relationship, we also explore modules where it's detaching from your ex going to contact. And dated confidently if you're ready to start dating. 

So if you're in a relationship still and you're looking for a Christmas present from your man, hopefully. Oh, boy, do I have the best present for you that he should buy you since he's the reason you're in this pain anyways.  I'm just kidding, but not really sure. But yeah. Anyways, so that's all I had to say. 

I'm super excited for this course. It's what I used on myself. It's what I've used on my one-on-one client. It's really everything that I'm not able to. Show on social media because it's, I keep, there's no way I can describe these modalities and these techniques and a matter of  like five seconds to a minute and a half that usually Instagram and Tik TOK reels are, , So it's a lot more of the behind the scenes work that I deal one-on-one with clients,  and so I really want this to, I know this will be a really empowering tool for you to  not only  just get over the betrayal trauma, but also like move on and create a life and be able to look back and feel thankful for the betrayal, because it's forced you to become this whole new person that you're actually so excited about to become the woman that you've always dreamed about.  

All right. So I'll go ahead and jump into the actual podcast episode now. And I actually already recorded this for four weeks ago. So if it sounds like it's a weird jump from what I was just talking about to what I'm about to talk about, just know that's because I just now I'm  recording an introduction for this. 

And I  already recorded  the podcast episode anyway, so there might be. An awkward, like little disconnect for a second. All right, let's jump into it. 

  Welcome back to another episode of what the fuck do I do now with your host, Mandy?  I'm just going to cut to the shit. I am getting my period tomorrow. I am feeling so spicy, which I also just thought it would be really fun to do. Spicy podcast because.

 I feel like whenever I am on my luteal phase and about to have my period.  I get so  fed up with anything related to the patriarchy, anything related to.  Dumb disrespectful, abusive men,  obviously throughout the month, any time of the day, every time of the year, I get fed up with those types of men in general. 

However, when I am on my period, I just I will take no shit.  So I decided I am going to create a podcast episode today.  I feel like I haven't made an episode in a while about being single  because there's just so many topics that I want to cover. I'm so fascinated by so much, from everything from porn addiction to be betrayal trauma, to women's empowerment, to whatever it may be. 

And there's so many topics I want to cover, but obviously I'm just a one woman show over here and I'm limited time 

But basically I want to speak to the girl who is considering leaving the relationship or who recently left their relationship. And this isn't to shame anyone who's in the relationship whatsoever. But this is just my target audience. Today are girls who are considering leaving and girls who left. 

And if you just need to hear from someone about how much better life can get. When you leave, if you decide that's the right decision for you again, not trying to shame any woman who stays in the relationship. Every relationship is different. But some women decide to leave. Some women decide to stay. 

If you're thinking of leaving, or if you just left, I want you to know life will get so much fucking better. And that's not just, sorry. It's also not to say people who are in the relationship that their life won't get better, but I'm just going to speak directly from my experience and other women. 

I have met, I've been thinking so much about how much of my life I have lived just for. Male validation. And I'm talking full life from being like an elementary school to junior high, to high school, like wearing closed and looking at myself in the mirror. Wondering if a guy will think I'm sexy in this or wearing a certain style makeup or trying to be like the chill pick me girl back in like middle school, high school and even college. 

You're honestly a bit into my twenties too. And there's just so much societal conditioning. You have to do to realize holy shit. Do I actually like doing this or was I doing this? Because I thought men would meet to do this. And I think on that note Society just makes such an emphasis on women that like the main point of your life is to get married, find your soulmate, and then you'll be happily ever in love. 

 And then you'll , get married, then you'll have kids and you have your white picket fence and everything's a fairy tale and your life isn't completely, you can't have fun without this person. And if you're in your thirties or forties or twenties, and you're single and you have a cat, you're going to be miserable and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

Like it's such this. It's Just like false bullshit narrative story that I believe for soul. Lawn. I was like I'm not complete if I don't have a person or if I don't have my significant other, like everyone in their relationships must be so happy if I have learned anything from this job. It's how unhappy people are in their relationships and how unsatisfied women are in relationships and how much. Men in these relationships are incapable of providing the emotional comfort, the emotional safety, the emotional intensity and depth that women fucking deserve. 

, I was out at dinner with my. Older sister on Saturday night, this weekend, and it was so much fun like us too, we're just hanging reviving.  And we're just like having a good ass time. And I was looking around at everyone at the restaurant and I was looking at all the couples and they just.  They looked so bored. 

They looked so bored. Like the man was like, kinda leaned back. Wasn't really like engaging with like body communication, it wasn't really engaging, like the girl just sitting there and then I'm looking at all the girls who were just there with their girlfriends and like they're so involved in the conversations are laughing their asses off. 

They're just like having such a good time. And I was like, that's what I want. That is what I want. And this isn't a talk shit about relationships. I know I will get into a relationship at some point in my life. I know that, but this past a year and a half, I've just been focusing on.  I can, no, I can't even say it's been a full year and a half because I have tried dating for maybe the first while I was like six months, whatever. 

So it's been a year that I have been single and I haven't been dating. And you guys. In your girls, it is total fun. It is so great. Like I'm not hooking up with guys. I'm not going to clubs. Like I'm not having a whole phase. I do whatever you want. But, and so when I say single as being so fun, I'm not saying it's fun because I'm just like out messing around with guys and going on dates and get you wine and dine. 

And it's fun because all of my time and energy gets to focus into creating new FEMA, friendships, strengthening old female friendships, creating a career in a legacy for myself. And focusing on my health, focusing on my nutrition, like I haven't had to worry about someone's dusty ass son. Hitting me with a text or ruining my day and over a year, I haven't had to deal with a single mind game from a guy in over a year. 

I haven't had to deal with. Worried about if a man is going to text me back or not, or if a man likes me or not, like I haven't had to do that in a year and it is so fucking peaceful. Like I am. I wish you could see my face for now, unlike smiling so hard when I'm talking about this, because it is such an amazing time of your life to just focus on yourself. 

And I think a lot of times when. People say, we hear me say this wow, she must hate men. I don't hate men.  I hate men who lie, cheat and abuse, their partners. I hate men who are misogynists and rapists. 

 I'm a hardcore feminist,  I am a girl's girl. I'm here for the girls. All right. And.  But my point being,  it can be it's so I can become so peaceful, just being single. And it doesn't mean you have to be single forever and just make it a chapter of your life. 

This is a chapter of my life. I remember when I first got out of my relationship. I so badly just wanted to jump into another relationship. As soon as I find a boy, he'll take my pain away and I'll prove to my ex partner that I'm worthy of love and everyone will see how much happier I am and how much cooler and hotter and nicer and richer that this man is, blah, blah, blah. 

 I so badly just want it to get into another relationships where a man would take the pain away and.  I tried dating a little bit, but I was like, I don't know. I feel like at that time I already started creating such a life for myself, where I was focusing on a few more friendships. I was putting myself out of my comfort zone. 

I was trying new activities. I was joining clubs. I was just focusing so much on my healing and I made it a full-time fucking job. I had daily panic tax. It was PTSD. I was like, I, this needs to become my main focus  because I almost tried to end my life. 

And so I know that I had to focus on that.  But here I am today because I focused on myself instead of focusing on dusty ass Madden and. This isn't to shame anyone who goes back on the dating apps after relationships. But like I just asked  yourself are you doing this out of seeking male validation? 

Are you doing this? Because you think. Finding another man will help heal you or he'll save you and we'll make all that pain go away and just get really honest with yourself. Like, why are you doing it again? Go on the date. Scobey wined and dined. That's fine.   Every time I leave a day, I'm just like, I have so much more fun than my own. Like I'd rather be hanging out with my girlfriends. 



And anyways, back to what I was saying. So when I first got the relationship, I wanted to find a male to heal me to save me. And I could just be in a relationship. I didn't know how the fuck to be alone. I had no idea who I was without my partner. 

He was my best friend who was my soulmate. We'd live together. Like we were raising a dog to he was my forever. I couldn't imagine life without him. And that's where I wanted to end my life because I didn't want to wake up the next day and the next day and the next day without him, I didn't want to go to bed without him. 

I didn't want to wake up without him.  I felt. So lonely and alone being alone. I didn't know how to tap into my power and how to just become sovereign in my power.  You can be alone, but that doesn't mean you're lonely. And you can learn so much about yourself.  It was so crazy, especially coming out of a relationship with a narcissist.  I think it's so healthy for pupil. Just to take time off with data and figure out like, who the fuck are you? Because if he was a narcissist or if it was someone who was emotionally abusive, they're just like trolling at you and giving you mean comments so much that you didn't even realize how mean they were because they were so common that he was doing it. 

You've heard you say whatever he could to put you down, whether you'd be like, oh, like I love that couch. He public those ugly coach or oh, I. I'm going to go hang out with any big, why do you want to hang out with the new shiny friends? Just like whatever. I just, whatever comments or things you're interested in. 

I, but he started putting that down a lot and I didn't even realize that until months after relationship where I would go out to eat alone and I'd be like, what do I want to eat? Wait, what do I eat?  Cause I was so used to splitting meals with someone else or being like, oh, I don't care. 

What do you want to get for lunch? Then him pick him. We get I didn't even know what type of fucking food I ate. How crazy is that? Or like music.   I remember when I started listening to music alone in my car, when I was out of the relationship, my music tastes completely changed because I didn't have to listen to, I didn't have to listen to the stupid ass, music. 

 That he loved to listen to

 I didn't know the food I liked. I didn't like the music I liked.  I didn't even know how I'd like to spend my free time. Cause I would always do what he wanted to. We go hang out with his friends, we'd go to bars or whatever. And it was like, I don't even want to  do any of that shit. I want to go hike. I want to be outside. I want to do yoga. I want. I'm going to take breath work, and I want to meet people. 

Like-minded people, and I want to go travel the world and I want to go see what else is there to life? There has to be so much more to life. That's what I just kept remembering. I was like, this cannot be it. This cannot be. The life, the one fucking life I have, this cannot be it. I'm not going to sit in this pain forever. 

I'm not going to seek for male validation and just keep putting my healing on pause and not creating fewer friendships like this. Can't be life. There has to be more to this. And I think that's what it can become so powerful about , if you decide to leave the relationship, if that's what's best for you. It's just realizing 

I was living such a small.  World when I was with this one person,  my whole life orbited around this one person, and now that person gone disappeared. Isn't in my life anymore. Who the fuck am I? What do I do? And that is so powerful. Of course, our growing pains. It's challenging because you start to question every aspect of your life. 

You start to question your friendships. I lost a lot of my friendships. Not that anyone is bad with any of them, but we just didn't have aligned values. It was kinda like we became friends in our young twenties or teens and just stuck it out. And they're great people. I love them to death. 

 Like we just don't talk on a day-to-day basis anymore. And I created so many other. Other friendships who helped change the way I see the world and people who had aligned interests and. 

There are infinite possibilities. The world is limitless  I would not have created the life I have made for myself now. If I would have chosen to just jump into another relationship or spend all my times on the dating apps and playing all those stupid dating mind games with guys earn, worry about, does he like me or worrying about, is he going to text you back or Roomba? 

Is he seeing another girl or worrying about, does he watch porn? It's just take all of those words out of your head and just focus on yourself and I promise you life can BS come so empowering? 

And what is so cool is you never know what doors. New friends are going to open for you. You know what if you do meet the love of your life through this new girlfriend that you met? What if you meet the love of your life through this new class or workshop that you attended and, or wait, if you don't even want to have a love of your life again, that's  fine too.  I don't want to put pressure on women to think oh, you have to get into another relationship. Do whatever you want for Alyssa's like your life. Do whatever the fuck you want. This is your life and you have so much power and you have control and you have choices and that's something. The thing that I want to there, that's something that's so important to remember is like, When we experienced betrayal, trauma, wouldn't be experienced, cheating, infidelity, or porn use or porn addiction, wherever. 

 We feel like we didn't have a choice in the fact that we didn't get to choose. We didn't know that our partner was doing that. And we feel like we didn't get the choose to life, choose the life that we wanted. We thought we had signed up for one relationship, but new reality, where we were in a very different relationship that we had no  idea about like his knowledge about the relationship was very high in our knowledge about the relationship was very low. 

And so it feels like you've been stripped away from your choices. And something. I tried to hone in with my client's law. It's you have so much power. You have so many choices. Yes. You may feel scared to make choices, which is okay. You're human.  It's normal to feel doubt it's normal to feel fear. But you have choices of you. 

I talked about this in one of the last episodes. You're the  author of your story and you are the main  character, everyone else in your life and your story, like they're just. I don't even know what the word is for it. They're just  step in characters.  . And I hate to be like the bearer of bad news and I don't try to get more, but  no one in your life is permanent. Your family, your parents, your spouse, your kids, your pets, your siblings, whoever  no one in your life is permanent. 

The only relationship you will ever have in your entire  life is the one you have with yourself. Throughout all of life, we're going to continuously experience loss, whether that be death, whether that be just losing contact with a friend or whether that be. Divorce, whatever it may be like.



Throughout our life. 

We're going to continue experiencing loss, especially as we get older and death becomes more prevalent. And that's why it's so important to create a beautiful strong foundation for yourself so that no matter what you will always be okay, because you have the relationship with yourself and that you have created a life that you are  proud of, that you feel fulfilled in. 

 No that you have  power, whatever we don't change in our life. We are accepting that behavior.  And I know that can sound rough, but think about it. 

If you're not changing a behavior. That means you are accepting it. That means you are tolerating it. That means you are allowing it. And I'm I to seen, to say real quick, obviously this is not in this instance of like sexual abuse or physical abuse or anything really extreme like that, where someone is physically causing abuse in your life. I'm so sorry. 

Obviously that's not something you have control over. I'm more so mean like characteristic qualities and personality types.  Those types of things that we are actively allowing into our lives.  We are choosing that and it is our responsibility to break free from that and stand up and take control of our life. 

 We have one. Life and it flies by so quickly. I turned 30 last year and it still shocks me that I'm in my  thirties.  It is amazes me. I. I don't know. I'm just like, where did my twenties. It freaks me out and they go, oh my gosh, life is moving so quickly. But it also feed that little fire unright ass. 

Cause wait, like I, I have been on this planner for 29 years and I don't like where my life is right now. Like I, I need to do something to take control of this and to turn it around. And so what does that look? It looks like a lot of  therapy. It looks like working with coaches. It looked like getting healing books,  reading about healing podcasts.  My whole life, it was so focused on self development, but also  having fun and enjoying the ride. 'cause I think sometimes we can get so obsessed with improving ourselves with. Oh, I have to focus on self-development or I have to make myself better that we forget no, you actually are a great human being. 

You are wonderful. You are perfect. As you are. If you want to improve yourself, improve you, but you are not broken. You are amazing. You are wonderful and you make the world such a better place already just by being you. But it's also important to have time for fun. What joy are you bringing into your life? 

Betrayal, trauma, cheating, infidelity porn addiction.  It brings so much negative energy  into our life. But what good are you bringing into it and make sure the amount of good. How far outweighs the amount of bad. If you're doing deep shadow work. If you are doing a deep therapy session, what can you go do later? That day or the next stage go do something really fun. 

That makes you laugh. That makes you smile. Go listen to your favorite comedian or go for go dance, go for a bike ride. Go. Chat with a friend, bring and so much goodness, and just deliciousness into your life that. Having that negativity in your life just feels bad. I want you to just start to love yourself. 

So fucking much that disrespect feels foreign. Imagine loving yourself so much that when someone treats you bad, you're just like, Whoa. Whoa, you get gross. Get out of here. Like scram, get the fuck out. That's not what I allow in this  energy of mine. No, absolutely not. I'm not tolerating that  the level of we love ourselves is how we treat other people to love us. And so the way that we can. Love ourselves more. It's by literally. Becoming the love of your life. 

And I know that might sound narcissistic, but  the way you start to love yourself, get so  selfish about your healing, making your healing and your happiness, the number one priority of your life. In any time you noticed yourself. Putting other people's emotions or other people's feelings or other people's needs or requests. Before your own, ask yourself, why are you doing this? 

Because you're seeking male validation or any validation from a human. Are you doing this? Because you don't feel you deserve your own time, energy. Are you doing this because it's just out of habit and you didn't even realize you're doing it until you ask yourself, wait, why am I going above and beyond for this person when I'm struggling over here?

And if you feel isolated or if you feel like you don't have a good support group or a good. Support system or friends  come join my women's support group. And you can also meet other women who are in your area. See if there's anyone nearby and you can meet up with them. 

And boom, there's one girl's girl.  You just never know.  I try to meet people because you never know what opportunities or doors they can open for you. And it's not like using other people, obviously it's a mutually beneficial. We both want to help each other and just enjoy each other's company. 

But you never know 

who can open you to a completely new world?







 I just want to help women stroke to think differently about. Is my sole purpose in life to be in a relationship. And what could life look like if I just took a chapter? Of my life and just focused on myself instead. And de-centered men. That doesn't mean you have to hate men, but it just means like you're not going to prioritize your life around men. 

And what could my life look like if I just committed to myself for a few months or a year?  How big could I grow and expand my life if I just focused it on what I want to do. All the time. 



And if you have kids, I know that maybe different. But what little ways can you add in excitement for you? What. Activities. Can you go do with your kids, but also  lights you up or  what other moms can meet, who you can become friends with? Through that through your kids. I don't know. I try not to talk about parenting  because obviously I'm not a parent and  I can't give advice on something I haven't been through. 

 I also realized that I am literally. Not qualified or capable to give advice on parenting.   You guys are so  bad-ass like being a mom. 

And I think being a mom is like the toughest job. Any person ever has to do,  you literally gave birth.  You created a human being in your body through. There's nothing more powerful than that. That is so  cool. And now you are just like, have this bond with this homie for life.  That is so beautiful. 

But I think moms are the strongest people to ever walk planet earth and they deserve so much more. I just said, credibility. 

 I have speed utmost respect. For moms. Anytime I see a mom I'm immediately make an icon and a smile and being like you. Like you go, girl, I got, I never say you go girl, you have literally never submit to a mom ever. I think she would look at me and he goes absolutely crazy. But just when you walk by a girl and you just you both made eye contact each other and smile, like that's my greatest feeling in the  world. 

 But moms and just women in general, I love. I love loving so much. 

And I don't even know where this tangent is going on. My gosh.



Okay. So I'm going to tie this back to more of what I was saying earlier. So when I got out of the relationship, I just wanted to jump into another role so badly that guys like someone just  say me, take the pain away. And I love, I've always been a relationship where I love being relationship. 

I love having that compatibility and the best friendship. And you just always have someone to talk through, talk with throughout the day. But you know what? You can become that person for yourself 200. It's actually really  fun. It is so fun. I feel like I have inside jokes myself, which I know is weird. 

 I talk to myself all the time when I'm on walks, which also sounds weird, but I feel the strength I have created. The connection,  the relationship I've created myself feel so strong and it feels so fulfilling and it feels so powerful. And I just feel 



confident knowing that I will always have this way to myself.  No one can ever take this away from me. And that feels so good. Someone could take it away from me if I got into another emotionally abusive relationship because he wanted a hundred percent took away my sense of self.  I just did not know who I was anymore. But that's not going to happen because I will never get into a relationship like that. 

That's why we do the healing marks. We can notice those red flags immediately 



and  just never underestimate. How taking small gradual changes day by day. How much that can impact your life and the in a year to come. What can you do every day to make yourself 1% better? Not saying that anything is wrong with you, that you need to be fixed, but what's an area we can have. You can stop doing self destructive behavior, or you can start to speak kinder to yourself. 

Or you can start to show yourself more love, or you can stop tolerating. Some of people's inappropriate behavior toward Dick. What's one small thing you can do every single day, wake up and make that be the main focus every day. What's one small thing I can do today. And then the next day and then the next day and the next day, and just see how much those gradual changes. We'll start to accumulate over time and who, how that will start to change you. 

 I remember. After the breakup, I was like,  I just want to, I just want to move through all this pain and just be happy again.   I wish I could just take a drug that just made me feel so happy that I forget all this.  That really just helped me reshape and be like, wait, you know what? Why don't I just try being single. 

Why don't I just have fun being with myself and see where that takes me. I was like, I'm going to give myself one year. One year of my life. I have had 29 of these years, so far. So really what's one year the grand scheme of things like what's one year being single in the grand scheme of things. 

And now I don't even know if I want to date again, because I feel so fulfilled. And  in order for a man to come into my life, he is going to need to PRI. Provide so much value that I'm not already providing for myself.  His sense of humor has to be so  wicked. He has to be the kindest  man to ever walk this planet. 

And he must be so passionate about  his career. And I don't even care what the amount of money he makes is I'm. I want to be financially dependent on my own so that I don't want to lean on a man for money. Not that anything is wrong again, like everyone's life twists are different, but that's just something I want after I've met so many women who give up their career for a man and then they find out he has been SEOed cheating or has a porn addiction. 

Now they feel obligated to stay with him because they don't have their own financial means to leave their relationship. And. That was a little bit of a tangent there, but I just know the man who comes into my life.  I know exactly the type of person I want him to be. Not in terms of what he looks like or his status life. 

 I just know the qualities and the characteristic traits that I want in a person and I will not tolerate or even consider any man who watches any ans porn. I don't care if the man's even oh, yeah, I watch it like once every few months first of all, bullshit. Next second. Vote next. No, thank you. 

 I want a man who sees porn for what it is. He sees that it is objectifying women and full of rape, full of incest, full of human trafficking, full of child abuse. And he doesn't watch it up because it's against his values and his morals.  I never want a man to change his porn habits for me. 

I want a man to change because he genuinely sees how morally. Corrupted is and that is just wrong to objectify women and get off to women and watch them being abused. And

yeah. I just want every woman to know you are so capable of creating your dream life and you are worthy of your dream life.  The universe wants whatever desires you have in your heart. If you're like, I love this career, or I want to be a stay-at-home mom, or I want to live in this place, or I want to start speaking up on this. 

Cause whatever those small and desires are that you have in your heart, the universe put them there because the universe wants you to do that. And so The doors will start to open when you start pursuing the things that light you up,  the universe needs more people who just  enjoy life and who aren't so worried about oh, does this man like me? 

Or is this outfit okay. Or Whatever, like people, just, people just want to see people do things that are authentic to them.  That's what the world needs more of. 



We don't need more mediocre men in mediocre relationships and women feeling like they're mediocre because these men keep putting them down. 

We don't need more of that. We need more women who being not fuck this. I'm creating my dream life. If a man wants to come and be with me while I've created my life, he can. But it's because I'm allowing him to be there. Not because I'm doing it. Out of need, like we need war women who are de-centering man, and be like how can we create the sisterhood among woman? 

How can us women support one another? How can this woman take down this  patriarchy? And  stop looking at women like we're competition. Women are not your competition. We have are all going through the same shit. We all have been. Disrespected by the patriarchy. We have all had the same societal conditioning ingrained so far into our  heads. 

We have all thought we were ugly. We have all thought our bodies are enough. We have all thought. 

That we're not ever going to amount to anything or whatever it may be like we have all had those same thoughts in some women.  Wake up to it earlier than others. Some women may not ever wake up to it. And I don't want to judge the women who don't wake up to. The end of the day,  we are still the same. Gender. 

 I see you. I know what you have gone through and  I'm not going to  agree with anything you say,  

I do not agree with the pygmyism. I know, but I once was a pygmy too, so I have compassion and I have sympathy. I just hope you wake up. Sooner rather than later, because  it doesn't matter how you look. It doesn't matter how you act like it doesn't matter if you had the chill girl at the end of the day, you're still a woman and 

misogynists hate women. They hate all women. Oh, it doesn't matter.  You will never win from the patriarchy end. If you haven't. Oh my gosh. If you want to if you want to get hyped  up, if you want to start to really learn about patriarchal societal conditioning and pick me as him, and what's like to fully just  step into your power as a woman. First of all, go follow a drew off wallow on tick talk. 

 Drew a F U a L O N. She first saw her Tik. TOK is so funny. She literally just trolls massage ness. But second while she has an amazing book called. Loud. You can also listen to it on Spotify. It is so good. It will hype you up so much, but 

I think it is something that every woman and femme should listen to,  the way she articulates her thoughts and the way she describes how the patriarchal condition effected us at such a young age before we could even be aware of it.  It is so powerful 

and so I think I've rambled enough. But a few final words again,  I'm not trying to shame any woman who wants to be in a relationship or any woman who wants to be at stay-at-home wife and have kids, or have a relationship like.  I'm a feminist. 

So I believe every woman has the right to choose what her life looks like. I do not judge the life. A woman chooses for herself. I do not think being in a relationship or not being relationship, I don't think one is better or worse than the other. Every woman has the right to choose what their life looks like. 

And that is why we need feminism. So we are able to actively make these choices for ourselves. Same with having choices over our body. 



And we also deserve to know everything that's going on and said relationships. We deserve to know if porn is in the relationship. 

If cheating, if porn addiction, during the relationship, we deserve to know everything.

But if you are listening to this and you were just in that tough space where you're heartbroken from the relationship ending, you don't know if life gets better. I want you to know it's going to get better than you could ever possibly imagine. Who you are going to be a year or two years from now is not going to be the woman you are right now, listening to this. 

And I promise you, I don't even know you, but I know.  One, you're listening to this. So you want to improve your life. You want things to get better. And two women are just  capable of doing anything. They put their mind to. You can do anything you put your mind to. If you don't believe me, I want you to go create a list. Go right down a pen and paper. Of every hard thing you have ever gotten through in your entire life. The tree from Chuck. From being a children or middle school, high school, college, whatever to where you are now. 

 Once you see it all down on pen and paper, no matter how small it is, put it down. Once you sit all in pen and paper, you can make damn I'm a bad-ass I can do anything I want. And you can do anything you want. You are so capable of creating the life of your dreams. It is your dream because it exists. 

 The universe wants you to have this dream too. And the universe will open up doors for you as you start to make these aligned actions towards creating this life. So get so crystal clear on what type of life do you want, what do you want your legacy to be? How do you want to show up in the world? 

How do you want to fill your free time? What do you want your day to look like? The way we spend our days is the way we spend our life days turned into years. 

Don't live the same day for 75 years and then call that your life.  You are so capable beyond your wildest  dreams. You can do anything. There's nothing special about me. There's nothing special about me being able to create the life that I have dreamed up in the life that I have been manifesting for so long. 

There's nothing special about me compared to you. You are  capable. You have everything you need inside of you. You are so strong. You are resilient. You are creative, you are intelligent, you are compassionate. You're empathetic. You are a strong leader. You have gotten yourself through every single hard day of. Your life so far for fuck sake, you have gotten through betrayal. 

Trump, you have gotten through arguably, one of the hardest things a woman could  go through. In her life. You are actively going through that right now, you can get through anything.  You are so capable. You are amazing.



And please be so careful how you talk yourself. Notice that inside voice in your head, that's talking to you throughout the day. 

Is she being nice?  Is she being your hype woman or is she breaking you down?  Is she telling you everything that you're doing wrong? Is she showing you everything that you lack? If it's the ladder. If it's she's bullying you  knock that shit out. 

Knock it out every time a bad thought comes on.  Start to rewrite. Your brain by following her up with a positive thoughts, if your brain's I'm not worthy of love, followed up with a thought saying, I am worthy of love because I give love. So I know that love exists and I'm worthy of love that I get.  Or if you're in your critic, that mean bullying voice is saying.

I'm not capable of creating my dream life. You're positive hight woman voice can follow it up by saying.



I'm learning how to do this. This is new for me, but I have the power to take control of my life and I can do this by baby by taking baby steps one day after another, putting one foot in front of another and I can create my dream life. 

I am capable. I've done hard things in my life. The way we talk to ourselves is so important.

And you can get through this. You are so amazing. You are capable. You are worthy. You are whole, as you are. You do not need someone else to complete you. You are independent, you are sovereign.  You are a goddess. You are a warrior.  You can get through this am sorry you're going through this, but this can be such.  It's going to be such a catalyst. To create a new  life. 

Like your life is not over, just because of this betrayal. Your new life is beginning. What do you want to call in for this new life? Because it's all up to you. You have all the power. You are the author, you are the director, you are the architect of your life. This is your new The life just gave you a blank canvas and you get to decide what behavior do you tolerate? What actions do you tolerate? 

What level of respect are you going to teach people to give you?

You have so much power and you have choices right now.  Art. So thanks for coming to my rant today.



I'm going to go eat some chocolate and probably go watch some broad city to laugh at my favorite female comedians. 

I.  Love Alana and Abby. So  much.  Okay. Anyways, I love you all. You are amazing. You are  in control of your life. 

You are the architect. You are the S the author. You have so much power at Nia. We have so many choices and it's time to fucking tap into that power. You got this. I love you. Bye.