WTF Do I Do Now?

30. 5 Steps to Start Stepping Into Your Power in 2025

• Episode 30

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  Hi everyone and welcome back to another episode of what the fuck do I do now a safe space where we talk about all things healing And empowerment after they're cheating porn use and betrayal trauma to remind you. It's not your fault and healing is absolutely possible I'm your host Mandy a certified woman's empowerment life coach trauma informed relationship coach meditation teacher and trauma informed breathwork teacher 



 Yay. I got intro music. Oh man. I love it. It's so much fun. I worked with this amazing girl named Nella who made this and I sent her three songs for my favorite band Kremen and she just nailed the acoustics. And I was so impressed anyways. Almost happy 20, 25. Holy crap. Where did the year ago? I was thinking about it yesterday and it's so crazy to think that the pandemic was in 2020. And we're now in 2025, like wow. 

Time has just flown by. Okay. Anyways, so. Before we jump into today's episode. I just want to say a huge, thank you. To everyone who listens and supports this podcast, especially those of you who have been with me since my first episode. It's been so fun getting to teach myself how to podcast and getting feedback from you all and just getting to know and connect with you all through my support group and social media. And I received my podcast summary for 2020 for the other week, similar to how Spotify rap to something. 

When you're listening to music, they also give you one for creating podcast. And this podcast has reached 89 countries. 89. I literally burst into tears at the cafe when I read the email and it was the same week, I was declined by literally 20 accountants because they said my business was too small, which I completely understand it is small, but it was just so nice to see that she slowly growing and it just, I dunno, I was just  so shocked and just. It's so exciting to watch it grow, but it's also extremely bittersweet because it breaks my heart to know that there are so many women who are being impacted around the world. 

89 countries. Women being hurt by someone's cheating and porn use. And that is just devastating. So I just want to say thank you so much for your support. I get so much hate on social media and mail trolls, and even from women too. Just.  Yeah, it just being so fucking rude. And so it just means so much to me when I hear support from you all. 

And just whenever you  suddenly cute little notes of encouragement. So just thank you so much. It honestly means the world. I usually screenshot them all and have a Photo album of my phone for me to read whenever I'm getting down or whenever a post goes viral and everyone is just cyber bullying and attacking me. 

So thank you so much. I love it. And on that note, if you only follow me on Tik TOK, which most of you do, please make sure you start following me on Instagram. If you find my content helpful, just in case the Tik TOK ban for Americans goes into effect on January 19th. My Instagram is at WTF. Do I do now? 

Coaching is the same as my Tik TOK. And it's also in my show notes too. If you want to go ahead and give it a follow. Okay, last announcement. I promise. If you haven't already, if you can just go give this podcast a five star rating or however many stars you want, if you find it helpful and just subscribe to the podcast, that's really the only way this grows. 

And I want more women out there to know they aren't alone in this betrayal and that healing is possible. Also on that note, I guess this is the last napkins, not in Spanish. Visually, if you haven't joined me a women's support group, and you're just looking for a safe place to connect with a woman, feel free to join there. 

There's a link in the show notes. You can participate as much as you want, or as little as you want. And we also have weekly meetings on Wednesdays too. So you can connect with me, connect with other women who are going through it. And it's just a safe space for you to know you're not alone in this. Alright. 

Okay.  Let's go ahead and dive into this episode. And okay. I'm going to say one more thing. I'm so sorry if it sounds like I'm talking really fast right now, which I feel like I am. I just had a macho, I don't drink a lot of caffeine, so it always keeps me very amped. So.  I'm going to pause this real quick and just slow down. 

Cause I feel like I'm talking. Way too fast. Wait one second.



Okay, I'm back. So I had to ground a little bit. So this episode is all about just taking small steps to step into your power and the new year. And so today we're going to dive into five small, actionable steps you can take right now to start your healing journey in 2025. 

And yes, we're also going to talk about my free webinar and paid course because they both launched this week on January 1st, but I'm going to give you all the access to it beforehand, since I love my podcast listeners, and I want you guys to have access first. All right, so let's go ahead and get started.



So before we jump into the five steps I want to talk about today, I also just want to acknowledge something 20, 24. 

It might've been a really hard year for you and maybe it felt like one  gut punch after another, or maybe you just felt stuck. Frozen and the pain of betrayal, unsure how to move forward. Maybe it felt like you wrote shattered. Like you lost your innocence. Like there now life feels divided like pre-brief betrayal and after betrayal and life mission just might just have been really fucking hard this year. 

And I want to acknowledge that. And so if that's you, I just want to say you've made it here. You have survived every hard day. And you have survived every hardest day of your life, and that is something worth celebrating. I know it can be really hard. Being on social media this time of year and seeing everyone's highlight reels and their recaps of 20, 24 and all their accomplishments and all the vacations and everything amazing. 

They did. And I just want to say, if you survive this year, that's more than enough. And I am so proud of you. 2023 was my super shitty year of PTSD, daily panic tax, hating myself, hating my body, losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight, gaining right, and just having such a bad relationship with food after betrayal. And just wishing this pain would magically go away. 

Being homeless in jail was at the same time, losing my apartment, losing my dog, losing who I thought was my soulmate, losing the family that we created. And it just felt like overnight everything in my life changed and my innocence was stolen and the world became a really scary place in my brain became a really scary place. 

I've been so open about this before, but I almost. Took my life after we trialed because the pain just felt. So I just never thought I would be able to feel like myself again and feel happy again. And.  Want to be alive again. And the. It was also really hard time too, because I lost a lot of friends when I started speaking up about porn and it was also mixed with it being a trauma response where I didn't trust anyone on top of that. 

And I found myself. Pushing away people, because I was like, I went into this hyper independent state where they, I can do it alone. I don't need anyone, but now I look back and wow, that was just a trauma response of me feeling like I couldn't trust someone. So. Long story short. It was the worst year of my life. 

No doubt about it, but it was also the stepping stone for so many things I didn't realize were about to happen in a very positive way. So if you're into survival mode, if 2024 has been your shitty year, I just want you to know it's okay. And it won't be forever. As long as you prioritize your healing before other people's healing, your nervous system regulation. 

And self-love. I would not feel this like happy, thankful, confident, empowered in love with myself version, but I feel like I am now if 2023 didn't completely fuck me over. And I'm not saying this to minimize anyone's pain, but rather just to say Hey, I've been there too. You're right. It's unfair. 

And it fucking sucks, but this could become the catalyst that positively changes everything for you. And I'm so thankful as weird as it sounds. I am so thankful my heart was crushed and stomped on into a million pieces by someone I thought was my forever. Because it taught me how to love myself more than I love anyone else. And how to use my voice and how to respect myself and how to take control of my life and my relationships in order to create my dream life and create a life that makes me feel empowered and happy every day. And those are some of the most powerful empowerment lessons we can learn. 

And I think they just are the stepping stones and the catalyst to help you wake up and bake you, not fuck this. I'm going to take control of this and I'm going to heal. And I want to create my dream life. So things get really shitty before they get good. And usually when we're about to up-level and improve our life, it's really painful process of growing pains. Because we usually have to let go of all the people, careers habits. Activity cities, et cetera, that are holding us back. And I just want you to know, like stepping into your power is of course possible for you. 





And I just want every woman to know it is so possible to get out of this pain and create your dream life. 

I don't want you to think that you're stuck like this forever, and this is going to become your new normal. So let's get into five smallish, actionable steps to just help you step into your power in 2025. And I. I really wanted these to be  small, manageable things that are free, so anyone can do it.  All right. 

So first and foremost, Regulate your nervous system. This is step number one, and this is a big one. And again, if you've been listening to me before, Nervous system regulation is my jam. And if you're sick of me talking about it, I'm so sorry, but I'm not going to stop because it is the number one thing you can do for healing from betrayal and trauma. 

Talk to any trauma specialists in each trauma therapist. And they'll say you need to learn how to regulate your nervous system in order to heal longterm. It's not optional. It's absolutely mandatory. And that's why my entire course that I'm launching is rooted in nervous system regulation. Because unfortunately these aren't  quick things I can teach you over social media on Instagram reels. 

So that's where I wanted. To create a course because it requires time and attention. And so that's everything my course dives into where I don't really talk about it as much on social media. So after we trail your body's natural response is to get stuck in fight flight freeze or fawn. Our body automatically does this without us even realizing it. 

And so you might feel constantly on edge, like you're waiting for the next shoe to drop. If you stay in the relationship, you may be constantly checking your partner. So, and even if you don't want to, or maybe you've gone numb feeling disconnected from yourself in the world around you. If you have no one can relate. 

So you start to pull away from people or maybe you've gone to people pleasing mode and try to avoid all conflict because you just want to keep the peace and are afraid to use your voice and are afraid to have difficult conversations because you're afraid that people might leave. So betrayal trauma doesn't just affect your emotion. 

It impacts your entire physical body. Trauma lives in your body. And it's just so important to address when we're healing from betrayal, which again, I dive all into during my course. So your nervous system is working overtime, trying to protect you from further harm. So while this is a natural response, it can feel you feeling it can leave you feeling anxious, exhausted, and unable to fully process your emotions. 

And we can stay stuck in this state. If we don't teach our body how to get rid of it. That's why regulate our nervous system was such a critical part of healing. So here's a really simple. Yet powerful technique to regulate your nervous system. And it's called four seven breathing. So breathing is one of the strongest ways you can regulate your nervous system. 

And if you've worked with a trauma therapist, they've probably walked you through this. So I'm going to do a quick little instruction, how to brief breathe properly. And if you like Mandy, what the fuck? I know how to breathe. I've been breathing every day in my life. Yes, you're right. But there's also incorrect and correct ways to breathe. 

So let's do a quick exercise. If you're able to hope, obviously don't do this if you're driving, but if you're walking, just sitting and chilling, whatever. Go ahead and put one hand on your heart and one hand on your stomach.  And just go ahead and breathe as you normally do. Just breathe in.  Breathe out.  And it's keep breathing as you normally, too. 

And I want you to pay attention, to see which hands are moving. Is the hand on your chest moving.  Is the hand on your stomach movie?  

Which hands are moving.  

Now if your hand on your chest is moving. That means you're breathing incorrectly. We want to breathe when we breathe, we want to breathe from our lower stomach and our diaphragm. So only our hand on our lower belly should be moving. And I know that might feel really weird and feel really uncomfortable. 

But if you read the book breath by. James nester. He dives all into all the scientific evidence and a psych evolution of humans. We're supposed to breathe from our stomach when we breathe from our chest. That is where we breathe from when we're feeling really stressed. When we breathe from our lower belly, that's how we feel when we are regulating our nervous system into that parasympathetic nervous system, which is your rest and digest mode. 

That's the mode that  tells us to calm and chill the fuck out. So you want your to be breathing from your lower stomach, as if you were to put your hand right below your belly button and above your pelvic region. That's where we want to breathe in it from. So now that you know where to breathe from, by focusing on your lower belly. 

And again, it might feel awkward and uncomfortable. Your shunts. You're gonna retrain your body how to breathe in a more calm and relaxing state. So let's get into the breathing technique. This is called four seven breathing. And what you're going to do is you breathe in deeply through your nose. For four seconds. And then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds. 

And again, when you're breathing, you want to make sure that hand on your lower belly is moving. As if you're blowing up a balloon in your stomach. You don't want that hand on your upper chest to move. At all. 

And so you'll breathe through your nose for four seconds. And then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds.  When you're exhaling, you can either open your mouth wide and make loud audible exhales . Or you can open your mouth very small as if you're blowing out of a straw. So it's a very slow and focus breathing this. As L so something that's really helpful when you feel stressed. Overwhelmed anxious just to calm your body. 

And you'll set a timer on your phone for two to five minutes and just focus on your breathing. Anytime you're overwhelmed. So you breathe in for four seconds through your nose. Then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds. And so that techniques helps calm your sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the fight or flight response and activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and safety. 

And again, if you want to dive all into this, on how our breath literally will control how we feel stressed, how we feel overwhelmed or how we feel relaxed.  Let's read or listen. I don't know if it has audio book, but listen, read the book breath by James nester. It is so amazing.

So when your nervous system is regulated, it's basically like you're hitting the reset or pause button on your emotional state. It helps you think more clearly and respond rather than react to situations. And also just creates a space for healing when our body is in that fight or flight mode, when we're anxious, overwhelmed, stress, et cetera.  There's no space for feeling though, because your body's just like in survive and we'll be like, I need to survive. And a lot of parts of your brain goes offline to focus on survival instead of focusing on thinking rationally and thinking clearly and responding and just being more grounded and regulated. 

So again, this is absolutely foundational work and like upset. It's mandatory for longterm healing and any trauma specialists in each trauma therapist will say, you cannot heal longterm. If you don't know how to regulate your nervous system. And that again, that's something that we teach in. Much greater depth in my course, because it's really difficult to teach it over social media because it does take more time and attention.  All right. 

So that was step number one. Step number two is just reconnecting with yourself. One of the hardest parts of betrayal is feeling like you've lost yourself. Who are you now? What do you even want when you die? What do you want your legacy to be? When you leave this earth? Who are you without thinking of your title as a girlfriend, fiance or wife? Something that was really challenging for me after leaving my partner was I feel like I lost my identity. I love the family we created with our dog and I loved having my identity, being him and our family, which I now look back at. 

And I feel like I'm a completely different person, but whether you stay in the relationship or leave, you need to reconnect with yourself and create an identity outside of your relationship. Who are you really? What lights you up? What excites you? What injustices in the world make you mad? What's you want to change about the world? 

What do you stand for? How do you spend your free time when no one is around? What does the five, 10 or 18 year old version of that little girl in you what does she want to do with your life right now? Who are you aside from just being a wife, fiance, or a girlfriend?  It can feel overwhelming to answer these questions, but obviously you don't have to know everything right away. 

That's what building and our relationship with ourself is all about start super small. So we connecting with yourself can be as simple as spending  five minutes each day. Just journaling about how you feel journaling what's on your mind. Journaling. What makes you mad? What makes you upset? What you want to change? 

What makes you happy? Whatever comes to mind. . You don't have to have any filter. And no judgment. It's something that no one else will read only you. So it's such a beautiful place to just create honesty with yourself, for yourself. And I highly encourage every person to journal the first five minutes. 

When you wake up, it's such a small, easy thing to do, and it has amazing benefits. And if you don't believe me or you're like, I don't like writing, I don't like journaling. I just want to share three really quick studies that show its benefits. So one of the benefits is improve emotional health, a study by James w penny baker  found that expressive writing helps individuals process emotions and can reduce feelings of stress and anxiety.  Another benefit is enhanced mental clarity and research published and advances in psychiatric treatment. 

Highlighted that journaling helps organize thoughts, improve, focus, and gain insights into personal challenges.  And the last benefit is reduction overthinking. So a study in the journal of affective disorders found that regular journaling can help reduce rumination and repetitive negative thinking, which are very common in people dealing with trauma. 

So if after betrayal, if you found yourself obsessively thinking about the betrayal, like it just plays on a loop in your mind, thinking about where do things go wrong, what else is he hiding? Picturing him being with that woman or person. Journey we'll help you. Alleviate that overthinking and rumination over time because you're getting all your thoughts out on paper, and it's also going to help you connect the thoughts and connect dots in different ways. 

Cause it's not stuck in your mind. You're not putting it out on paper and you're gonna see things from a different lens.



So on top of that, it also just helps you get clear on who you are and what you want without being influenced by a partner, friends, family members, or even content creators on social media. 

It's the one time a day where you just get to express yourself. So candidly, without worrying about anyone else coming across it. And if you're in a relationship and you are worried about someone coming across it, you can always hide this journal or get a journal with a lock on it. Get a journal with a pink coat on it. Or if you really want you even burn the journal pages after. But it's also just a really powerful way to help you connect with your inner child and future self. 

And when I say inner child and future self, this is something that I dive into a lot in my course as well. The inner child means like that young version of you, whether you were 5, 10, 18, like at any point in your life, Who is just looking for that love and nurturing from a parent or a loved one that they didn't receive back then. 

And helping you give that love and attention and care. To the inner child of you. And when I say future self, that just means like your future self, when the best version of you, when you were either six months, a year, two years, five years, 10 years down the road, they cool. Do you want to be, and who is she? 

And connecting with that version two. So here's some journal prompts. You can try, feel free to pause and write the prompts down and journal about them after this episode, or write them down to journal about them. First thing in the morning tomorrow, and try out this journaling for five minutes. So here's a journal entry. 

You can a few journal entries you can do for your inner child. First one is what did I love to do as a child that brought me joy. How can I bring some of that joy back into my life now?  Or a second prompt could be. What would my younger self needs to hear from me today to feel safe and loved.  

Or third journal prompt could be. If my ten-year-old self saw who I was today. Who I was dating and what I was sad about and the lifestyle I'm living, what was she say?  Would she be proud? Or would she tell me that I'm made for more and I need to change some of the people. Jobs and or habits that are holding me back.  So those are three optional  journal prompts for your inner child. And here's some journal prompts for your future self. 

The first one is what does my life look like at the end of 2025? How do I feel about myself? What have I achieved?  Or a second drum pump can be, what steps can I take today to become the version of myself that I want to be in one year from now?  



So those are some options. And if you're looking to set new year's resolutions, I highly recommend setting one where your journal for five minutes a day, that's it. 

It's five minutes. It's free and try to make it a non-negotiable tinier day where it's prioritized before anything or anyone. Give it a few weeks of consistently doing it every single day. And just watch how different your mindset will start to be in all the different thought patterns you have and the different, how you process your emotions will be definitely just give it five minutes a day, show up consistently, try it for a few weeks and see how different your mindset will be.  And also reading back at old journal entries is one of the best things you can do if you're in an unhealthy relationship. 

So I highly recommend just start Germany now. And in the months or years to come,  and you reflect and you read back on those journal entries, it's really going to be eye-opening because you're going to see how long someone has been negatively impacting you or how long you've been feeling this way, which is it's. 

It's so wild to see. And I still read my old journal entries from my last relationship. Also, I was drooling after the breakup and just throughout my entire journal healing journey. And every time I read it, it gives me chills, but it also connects me back to myself. It makes me so compassionate and loving towards myself. 

So I'm like, damn, what he was doing was so abusive. You had no idea because you were stuck in survival mode. He couldn't see it, but look how far you've come and look how much all going through all of that has helped you become the best version of yourself. So I highly recommend just start journaling. 

This can just be such a helpful way to look back and read old journal entries to be like, okay, shit, this has been going on for a long time. I need to make changes about this.



Okay. Step number three, this is all about setting. 

Empowering boundaries. Boundaries are all about saying, I matter my needs matter. That's fucking it. I matter. And my needs matter. That's all boundaries are. So if setting boundaries feel scary or uncomfortable, that's completely okay. A lot of us grew up learning how to please others at the expense of ourselves, especially as women, when we're told to be  caretakers, and nurturing for others. 

And that it's honorable when a girl is so selfless and loving and kind yes, those are great things, but it also can make us become a doormat and people walk all over us because we're not setting boundaries. We're not using our voice and we're not advocating for how we demand to be respected.  So. The truth about boundaries. 

If they feel uncomfortable, boundaries are not about pushing people away. They're all about creating safe spaces where you can heal and grow. If someone doesn't respect your boundaries, that's also the universe showing you that this person doesn't and likely will not respect you.  Setting boundaries. 

And one of the easiest ways to see if someone is right for us or not because someone who doesn't respect you won't respect your boundaries. And  that's not a reflection of your worth. If someone doesn't respect you, that's a reflection of their character and they'll try to cross them or change them, which is never okay.  Someone is not allowed to cross or change your boundaries, that is the whole point of setting boundaries. 

So it's such an easy way to see if someone's going to respect us or if they're trying to take advantage of us. And usually when people are taken advantage of us, they don't like our boundaries because that means they have to change the word, treating us.  So here's some examples of boundaries for different scenarios. 

If you're in a relationship with someone lined about washing corn or pedal. You cheated on you, a brown Jean you could set is I need honesty in our relationship to feel safe. If I find out you're lying, I will take time and space for myself to process what's happening. And when you set a boundary, it's really important for you also to set the consequence, being like. If you do this, I will do this. 

So they know it's an, even if you want to feel more comfortable, you can write your boundaries out on paper and have them sign it. Because oftentimes when someone cross our boundaries, there'll be, they'll come up with excuses being like, oh, well, I didn't know you mean that or all of blah, blah, blah,  trying to not take accountability  but when you have it written down on pen and paper, you can vacate, this is what you agreed to. 

You knew what was happening. You were taken advantage of me and they know that they are, when they're doing that.



So if you set a boundary, for example, like I said, I need honesty in our relationship to feel safe. If I found out your line, I will take time and space for myself to process what's happening. 

And you could finish that by saying, I will take time and space for myself to leave, to go live with my family. Or you can even be like, you need to leave. If you live together, you need to leave. And that's a boundary that you are agreeing to.

So get really clear on what the boundary is and what the consequences, if the boundary is crossed. So another boundary you could set. If you're dating after betrayal, it could be, I'm not comfortable with conversations or jokes that normalized poor news. If it comes up, I'll let the person know that it's a boundary for me. 

So that could be, if you're beating someone's friends and I start joking about porn, or this person starts joking about porn, which. I would, that would be an immediate red flag for me that this is not a safe person. If they're joking about porn and something that you have a trauma about. But it's something that you can communicate beforehand. 

If that makes you feel more comfortable. So when you're setting boundaries to start by identifying one area where you feel drained or disrespected in your life. Maybe it's a friend or family member who always calls you with their problems, but never asked how you're doing, or maybe it's your own tendency to say yes to things when you really mean no, just try to pick one small boundary to set this week and communicate it clearly. For example, it could be, I love talking to you, but I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. 

Can we catch up next week instead? And if you feel your body tensing up, when setting a boundary, you can try massaging behind your ear with your fingers because that's right where your Vegas nerves runs or try doing deep breathing beforehand. By doing that inhale for four seconds through your nose, exhale for eight seconds throughout your mouth. And that will help calm your nervous system. 

And again, it's totally okay to take your time with this. It is all part of the process. Massaging behind your ear is a really powerful way to massage our brain. Nerves which controls our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest and digest mode instead of our sympathetic nervous system, which is our fight or flight mode. 

And which makes us feel anxious, overwhelmed, stress, et cetera. And I dive all into this board and my webinar in course, two.  Okay. Step number four, practice. Self-compassion.



You were not going to get everything right. 100% of the time healing isn't linear and that's okay. What matters most is how you treat yourself along the way and how you develop and nurture a new relationship with yourself as cliche as it is. 

And I hated when people said this when I was on my healing journey, but it's not about the destination. It's about the journey and it's about the journey and everything you learn about yourself and others along the way. So when you catch yourself being, self-critical such as comparing yourself to other women, looking at their bodies, their appearances, or thinking, no one will love you or thinking you don't deserve honest love and respect or comparing your healing journey to someone else and not thinking you're doing a good enough job. Just pause and ask what I talked to my best friend this way. If the answer is no, then it's time to rewrite the script on how you're talking to yourself. I want you to ingrain that response in your head. Any tiny, have a bad thought about yourself. 

Say what? I talked to my best friend this way. If they were saying all of those things.  If the answer is no, you need to change how we thinking about yourself because you were just bullying yourself. Self-compassion is one of the most powerful tools we can use to love ourself more. Think of how easy it is for you to offer love and kindness and forgiveness to other people, especially people who have hurt or betrayed. 

You think about your current or ex partner and how badly they betrayed you lie to you. Disrespected. You probably  repetitive times, but you still offer them. Love kindness and forgiveness. If you're in the relationship, or if you left the relationship, you still may miss them. I think about how great of a person they were.  Now imagine how much  you'd love yourself. 

If you gave yourself that same compassion, forgiveness,  and benefit of the doubt. It's so easy for us as women to see the best in other people, even people who have heard us repetitive times, but we still struggle so hard to see the best in ourselves. Yeah, because we grew up in a society where women are constantly told we're not enough, and we need to improve ourselves. I cannot say this enough, his betrayal is not a reflection of your worth or you not being enough. 

His retrial is a reflection of his character and who he is.

So as much as you can try to give yourself that same love, compassion, and grace that you so easily give to other people who have hurt you. Give that love grace and kindness to yourself. So here's a self-compassion exercise you can do for a week. Every time you have a mean thought about yourself, write it down as a note on your phone. At the end of the week, stand in the mirror. 

Look at yourself, dead in the eyes. And read those thoughts, a loud to yourself. It will be painful, but it will be extremely eyeopening to realize how mean and rude that we talk to ourselves. We are either our biggest bully or our biggest cheerleader. Our inner thoughts, create our beliefs, which create the way we think about ourselves and the world around us. So  read these thoughts out loud to yourself in the mirror, looking at yourself. And then read them a second time. 

But pretend you're telling this to the five or 10 year old version of you who just deserves love and nurturing and need to knows that she's respected and accepted. It's heartbreaking to read them to ourselves. Expecially when we think of the inner child with Anna's cause these thoughts are the farthest thing from true. 

If you wouldn't say that to the five or 10 year old version of yourself or to your best friend, why the fuck are you saying them to yourself? You need to give yourself love and compassion and grace, and you are a human at the end of the day, we're going to make mistakes, but you were doing better than you think. 

Start with self-compassion and self-love.  So after you do this mirror exercise. I want you to write a self-compassion letter to yourself as if you were riding it's that five or 10 year old version of you. What do you want to remind them about their struggles and strengths? How do you want to comfort them and remind them of their worth? How can you be right

every mean thought with a loving, compassionate thought. And then keep this letter somewhere. You can read anytime you're feeling down or second guessing your worth. I have a letter that I have hung up in my bathroom wall and I read it every day. Actually, I have so many letters on my bathroom walls. 

I read them any time. I just need a quick pick me up. Anytime I feel myself like beating myself up saying I should be doing better with my business, or I should be doing better in a different area of my life. And it just so helpful to remind us like, Hey, you're human. Hey, I love you. Hey, you're doing a great job. We are all human and something that I love to say when I ever I make a mistake  but it's just a simple sentence of how human.  I think we are humans. 

We are not perfection. No one can be perfect. So just give yourself so much love and grace and to say, yup. How human of me to have this thought and then replace it with a positive thought that gives yourself compassionate and love.  

Okay. Step number five. I want you to envision the best year yet. This is my absolute favorite step because that's where you get to dream big. If you haven't, I highly recommend you take 15 minutes to listen to my future. Self is organization and tapping into your intuition episode. It's right after episode 16 on my podcast, but I definitely recommend listen to this, especially as we're diving into a new year where you can become a completely new version of yourself and leave the past in the past, humans are fluid. 

We can change our identity. We can change who we are, no matter how many times you want.  You do not have to be the same person you were last year. You can completely step into your power. Change things  create new hobbies, new activities, new friendships, let go of family members, let go of friendships. 

Do whatever you need to do to step into your power. That's completely. Okay. So this exercise that I have Right again, it's right after episode 60 of my podcast, it'll take you on a journey just to reconnect with the best future self and help you come up with ideas for how to start taking actionable steps to become that best version of you.  And here's some journal prompts you can reflect on after, again, feel free to pause this episode, to write them down or come back to it. 

But here are some journal prompts. The first one being what are three things I've accomplished by the end of 2025. That makes me proud.  

The second prompt is what habits and routines have helped me become the best version of myself. I envision. What habits, routines and people do. I need to let go of, to become the best version of myself in 2025.  

The third journal prompt is how do I feel in my relationships, career and personal life at the end of 2025.  What did I change in my life to become the happy and powered version of myself.  

So those are three journal prompts you can do. And visualization is such a powerful tool. And same with manifestation. Some people think it's woo or too spiritual, but it is literally hoping you create a blueprint for the life you want. And your nervous system is helping you believe it's possible because when you're visualizing, manifesting, it's really important to focus on the feelings of how you want to feel to attract that into your life. 

And I am a huge believer of visualization and manifestation. And at a minimum, I do it three times a week to help keep me on track with my goals and the life I want to create myself. It was one of the biggest things that helped me during my healing journey and helping me create a business that I had no idea how to fucking create. 

And one of the hardest lessons I learned during. During my healing journey was that no one is going to come and save you to magically take away the pain. I've talked about this bureau for I so badly. Just wanted another man to come into my life, to take away my pain, to show me that unlovable, to show me I'm worthy and just to romanticize me and be my prince in shining armor.  But one of the biggest lessons you have to learn is that no one is going to do that. 

You have to be the one to do that known as going to put in this self-development work and the healing work for you. You have to be the one to do that. Even your current partner or future partner will not be the one to take away the pain. Yes, they can help. At the end of the day, it has to be, you. You have to go on this deep journey to find out how you got yourself in this situation. 

Not saying that this was your fault at all, but oftentimes there are red flags that we ignored or wondering why we allow ourselves to be in a way that was someone who continues to lie, who continues to betray, who continues to say, yep, I'll stop. Then they keep doing it. 

We continue forgiving and forgiving and forgiving. You have to be the one to find out why you are tolerating that in your relationship and you have to become the hero. You've been waiting for it. You have all the power to do that. And it could sound really scary. To know that you're the one that's going to do that. Or it could feel really empowering if you just change your mindset and be like, I'm the one who's going to do this. 

I have all the power. I have everything I need. All the information we need is out there in the world. It's just our responsibility to take it in. And you have all the power to do that. And their relationship and love with yourself and confidence is going to grow so much because you're capable of doing anything. 

You put your mind to the, I am so thankful. I've been single for almost two years now, and I love it because I feel so empowered and confident. It's now that the life I created was all because of me and my support system and my community and friends and family. It wasn't because I just jumped into another relationship with a man who temporarily took away the pain. 

And I am the biggest advocate for not jumping into a relationship after betrayal. Because there is so much, you need to learn about yourself. And that healing journey is so empowering and fun and confident. And like I say, fun, but yes are a lot of painful moments, but you're just shedding layers of things that no longer serve you. 

And you're making room to step into this new version of yourself and create this new life that you've always dreamed of, but you didn't think was possible. And you're going to be the one to do that. And it feels so great when you're standing at the top of that mountain and you're looking down at the journey. Journey that you came on. 

You're like, damn, I did all of that. And look at how much I've grown and I've become the best version of myself. And like I've said I am thankful I went through this betrayal because it helped me level up and become this best version of myself. I would have never learned all the lessons. At least I don't think I would have never learned these lessons to use my voice, to set boundaries, to teach people through boundaries, how I expect to be treated and what my standards are for being treated. 

It feels so good. And it taught me so many new things about myself. 



Okay. Now that was a bit of the tangent, but that's the end of the five stops. If you've found any of those steps to be interesting or hurtful, you want to go further. I would love for you to join my free webinar or my paid course, but I really prefer both launch this week on January 1st. 

But if you're listening to the podcast episode, which you are.  You can access both of them today before everyone else. So my free webinar is called why you're not healing from his betrayal and what actually works. And in this training I share why betrayal feels so devastating. And how it impacts your body and mind.  Also the number one mistake most women make when trying to heal and why it keeps us stuck. It also helps you understand why we can't think our way out of betrayal, trauma and how nervous regulation is the key to healing.  And also just actual steps you can take to start your healing journey. So if it sounds interesting, there's a link in my show notes that you can click on for it, and I'll take you to the free webinars so you can watch it today before it goes, live on January 1st. 

And if you're interested in my course, it's called the betrayal survival guy. You can also purchase it today before it goes live on January 1st. And so the betrayal Serrato guy is a step-by-step program designed to help you understand and heal betrayal trauma at its root, calm, your nervous system, and stop the stop. 

The spirals of overthinking stress and overwhelm. We build your self worth self-love confidence and. Trust in yourself and others. Transform your pain into empowerment and create a life you love. And so much more. When I was going through my betrayal healing, I just kept wishing I had someone to guide me  through it who had already experienced betrayal. But I didn't know anyone who's gone through this before me. 

I felt so lost, confused, and secure, paralyzed, and overwhelmed by all the information out there and all the decisions that I had to make. So this course is  me putting my hand out to you saying you're not alone. We can get through this together. And healing is 100% possible. If you want to check it out, you also have special access to it before everyone else. 

And there's a link in my show notes. And before we hop off today, I just want to take you to take some time to reflect on these questions. Again, feel free to pause this. This and write them down or just journal on, on them after the episode. But I just want you to think of. What would healing from his betrayal in 2025 really mean for you?  What would your life look like? 

If you could finally let go of the pain? How different? What do you life be one year from now? How could you spend your days if anxiety self-doubt and heartbreak, weren't weighing you down.  What would it feel like to wake up without the weight of self doubt?  How would your relationships with yourself and others change? 

If you trusted again?  What dream did you finally pursue it? Fear and insecurity. Weren't holding you back  really reflect on this and think about how much of your time and energy is going into betrayal and how different your life could look like after healing. I want this for you because I know it's possible. I want 20, 25 to become the year that you step into your power. 

And you're like, you're not fuck this betrayal. I'm taking control of my healing. And I'm going to step into my power and become this empowered version of myself and start creating the life that I was meant for. Not this life of pain and betrayal that keeps weighing you down because you are worth so much more than this. 

I promise you, you do not have to do this alone. Whether you join the course webinar or not, let this be a year to heal, to grow and to step fully into the beautiful creative Strong intelligent, resourceful, confident, and powerful person you were meant to be. And the life you're truly meant to live. 

And I'm not saying you're not already those things because you absolutely are all of those things. It's just hard for us to see it in ourselves when we're weighed down by the pain of betrayal. If you have any questions about the course or webinar, feel free to DM me on Instagram or Tik talk at WTF. Do I do now coaching or email me at Mandy at WTF? 

I do now. Dot com. But just a heads up Instagram DMS, we'll have a quick response time, just because it's easier for me to respond on those. And a final reminder, I highly recommend. Just take 15 minutes to listen to my future self  visualization and tapping into your intuition episode, especially as we're just diving into this new year where you can become a complete you new version of yourself and leave the past behind. Just start focusing on.  Who is the best future version of yourself and what are the steps you're going to start to take to get there. 

And this episode, it's right after episode number 60 of my podcast, it's a really helpful way to help you just tap into your body and tap into your future self. So again, thanks so much for spending time with me today. Until next time, please be kind to yourself. You are doing better than you think, and his betrayal is not a reflection of your worth has nothing to do with you, your body, your looks, or who you are. 

You deserve love, honesty, respect, and a love that feels supportive and. Courage. And that wants to grow with you. Thank you all love you. Bye.