WTF Do I Do Now?

34. How to Create Your Dream Life After Betrayal

• Mandy | Betrayal & Empowerment Life Coach • Episode 34

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  Hi everyone, and welcome back to another episode of What the Fuck Do I Do Now, a safe space where we talk about all things healing and empowerment after their cheating, porn use, and betrayal drama, to remind you it's not your fault and healing is absolutely possible. I'm your host Mandy, a certified women's empowerment life coach, trauma informed relationship coach, meditation teacher, and trauma informed breathwork teacher. 



 All right. Hello from Bali. I have so many updates going on right now. And I know this has been my first podcast and  two to three weeks. There's just been a lot of  transitions going on. I'm in a different country. I'm settling. I'm grounding.

And trying to do less hustle culture right now before this I was working like  12 hours  building my business every day and now i'm just taking a little bit of a break But i'm so excited to dive into this podcast episode so many updates so much to talk about And this  inspired  the episode  we're going to dive in today. 

So today we're going to talk a lot about creating your dream life. And for those of you who are new here, about eight ish months ago, I sold 90 percent of everything I own, my car, my clothes, my furniture, appliances, like literally everything , I got rid of my lease so that I could  go become a digital nomad and then eventually move to Australia.

So the past eight months I was living with family, which I feel so, so thankful for. I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible before I was about to leave the country  and so now that I reached my digital nomad chapter, which I've been working on for so long, I just got to Bali about two weeks ago, and then I'll go to Thailand, potentially Vietnam, and then I'll land in Australia on my working holiday visa.

So I am, uh, it is when I talk about creating your dream life,  I went from having been diagnosed with PTSD, daily panic attacks,  moving out of my home with the man I thought I was going to marry after discovering his secret porn and sex addiction, that he's cheating on me, the entire relationship.

 When I tell you I was at my fucking worst and my lowest in life. And now almost two years later, I am living in Bali, being a digital nomad, moving to Australia from America. When I tell you life gets better. Fucking good after betrayal. I mean it and I want to offer you hope and inspiration So you continue to focus on your healing journey

so my travel day was about 30 hours, which was absolutely crazy, but I really loved every second of it. And now I'm just living out of two backpacks in Bali. And so for anyone who's interested, just a side note, interested in the Australian visa that I'm getting. So depending on what country you're from, you can apply for it before turning 31 or 35.

And it allows you to live and work in Australia for 1 3 years depending on your age. So that's what I'm going to do and I'm so fucking excited. And I don't talk about this to be like, oh my god, my life is so amazing. But more so, I just want to give you hope and inspiration to let you know how  good life can get after betrayal.

And if you're like, what, like traveling around the world, it seems so expensive. Yes. However, it depends on where you travel. So for example, in Bali,  my housing is about 15 to 25 per night. I don't have a lease in America. I don't have a mortgage. My meals cost me two to 4 and transportation costs around 5 a day.

And that's significantly less than how much I was paying to live in America.

Bali is just such an amazing place.  There's so many solo travelers so many backpackers  and so many women who left their relationships and are now just Exploring soul searching sold their life and they're like I want more out of life So it is such an empowering place to be and there's so much yoga meditation breathwork and spiritual classes So it's an amazing, amazing, amazing place to heal.

And so this has been my dream for the past two years.  So today we're going to talk all about creating your dream life after betrayal, whatever the hell your dream looks like.  Before I dive in, I just want to do a few mentions. If you haven't joined my, support group.

I have a free support group, which you can find the link in the show notes. We meet every Wednesday where we have an hour long zoom call and  then you also have access to the support group 24 seven.

Also if you haven't yet and you're enjoying this podcast if you could just rate the podcast subscribe to it That's the only way that helps the podcast algorithm grow and reach other women who are going through this And I really just want women to know that they're not alone in this and there are healing resources available to help

Also, if you're looking for more help and support on your betrayal healing journey, I also have my Betrayal Survival Guide, which is a self paced course designed to literally help you step by step heal, understand, process the trauma, move on, and tap back into your self love, your self confidence, your love for life again, your happiness, , everything, so that you can move on from this fucking shittiness of betrayal and go create your dream life.

And if you're looking for even more help, I also work with girls one on one in a three to six month coaching container If you're interested in what that looks like, feel free to fill out the coaching application in the show notes as well 

and one last mention, if you only follow me on TikTok, which most of you do, make sure you follow me on Instagram as well if you find my content helpful, just in case the TikTok ban goes into effect again in America. I think there's only like a month  or so left but my TikTok name and my Instagram name are the same.

It's  WTF Do I Do Now Coaching

All right, cool. Let's dive into it So we're going to talk about creating your dream life after betrayal and there are some things I obviously want to caveat and mention Before diving into this first and foremost You should be working with a therapist or a coach who specializes in betrayal And you need to be working on regulating your nervous system on a daily basis.

We can't manifest and create our dream life when our nervous system, brain, and body are in survival mode.

But the importance of creating this picture of what you want your dream life to look like Is really helpful because it will help you stay committed to your healing journey And remind you why you're dedicating yourself to this because the healing journey is painful It is going to bring up a lot of old  Abandonment wounds, a lot of old betrayal wounds is going to bring back little childhood traumas that you went through, like anytime you're betrayed by a friend, a family member,  anything, it's going to resurface all of that , and it's going to force you to overcome and work through it, so that's why it's so important to be working with a therapist or a coach who is trained in this.

Another caveat, obviously, is that you need to put your healing and self love as the number one fucking priority before anyone or anything in your life. You have to get so goddamn selfish  about your own healing journey. This includes kids, a partner, a job, etc. Your mental health, your healing journey, needs to become the number one priority.

Those are the girls who heal. They're the girls who learn how to say no. The girls who learn how to set boundaries, it's the girls who take toxic people outta their life, toxic relationships, situations, jobs, cities, et cetera, and say, no, I'm going to focus on what makes me feel good, what makes me feel happy for my best future self.

And I see so many women focus on their ex or their current partner, and that is what going to keep you stuck in this pain  cycle.  You and your healing needs to be the number one priority. Where your attention goes, your energy flows. Focus on you. You may feel powerless in this situation, but you actually have so much power by how you choose to respond, react, and what you choose to tolerate.

And if you feel powerless by staying in the relationship, I want to remind you that you are choosing to stay in this relationship. Your power lies by saying, fuck this, I'm going to break this trauma bond. I'm going to break the cycle of emotional and psychological abuse because that's what a relationship is when you stay with someone who continuously lies, betrays you, or cheats on you.

And I know that may sound like a bit of tough love depending on where you are in your healing journey, but I just want to remind women of how powerful you actually are in the situation to help you zoom out and take a step back and see the situation for what it is. So, this episode is going to focus less on  the therapy aspect and focus more on  the spiritual woo woo and actionable steps you can take to start creating your dream life and manifest your highest self.

And I dive into this a lot in my Betrayal Survival Guide, which again is my self paced online course  to help you heal, process, and move on after betrayal and ultimately create your dream life. So if you're interested in that, again, you can find it in my show notes

so  this episode is a little bit more of the surface level information. My course dives into it on a much deeper level. So the first step in creating your dream life is creating an outrageous list.  What your outrageous list is, it's if nothing was holding you back, if you had all the money and resources in the world, What would you do with your life?

Create a list with just anything and everything that comes to mind. Write it down, pen to paper, just anything that comes to mind. Don't let there be any like, Oh, well I don't have this money, or Oh, I don't have this resources, or Oh, I'm stuck in this marriage, . Fuck all of that.  This is not the time to fill yourself with self limiting beliefs.

This is the time where you're like, If I can do anything in the world, What would it be? And it's called the outrageous list because it's supposed to feel absolutely fucking outrageous. You're supposed to read it and be like, no, I can never do that. But spoiler alert, you will be able to. So my outrageous list included things like starting my own company, leaving the 9 to 5 corporate grind, traveling the world, Being a digital nomad, speaking up against porn, having a podcast, having a community of strong, independent women, having friendship with people who love meditation, breathwork, spirituality, God, personal development, comedy, finding a life partner who speaks up against porn too, strengthening my relationship with my family.

Learning to love myself so that I don't tolerate disrespect and so that I don't crave a relationship with a man. Learning how to be comfortable alone and being comfortable single and fucking enjoying it. Overcoming body image issues, giving workshops around the world and connecting with women around the world, etc.

So when I wrote my outrageous list, I was like, there's no  way I could actually do this. But now fast forward to almost two years later, most of it has already come true, which is absurd. And so your list doesn't have to look like mine. If your list is wanting a promotion,  having a band, selling your art, whatever, any dream is fine as long as it's true to you.

But I do highly advise against stuff being like added to your list. Oh, I want to be in a relationship. No, no, no, you need to think outside of just a relationship being in a relationship is fine But you need to create your own fulfilling life first Then the healthy relationship will come as a result of that if being in relationship being married If being a mom is your number one goal your number right one priority in life You're going to do anything to do that Which means you're also going to date and spend time on people who betray you people who give you red flags people who aren't fully being honest and giving you the relationship you actually deserve

Because you're just going to want it so desperately. So the point of the Outrageousness is putting all the power into yourself and everything you can create on your own. 

So it's goal is to focus on you and what your life will look like outside of a relationship. That doesn't mean you'll never find a relationship again. You need to create your fulfilling life first. And then the right person who's also creating their fulfilling life, you will energetically attract one another.

So once you wrote all this list, you're gonna hang this list in your bedroom, closet, bathroom, or somewhere you'll see it every single day, and you're going to read it every day. Yes, every single  day. And you're going to say no to anything that doesn't bring you closer to that. Because when you start creating your dream life, there are forces that are going to want to hold you back.

For example, if your outrageous list is to have a community of women who support and validate you, maybe a toxic ex will come back from the past and love bomb you and try to take all your time and attention so you can't focus your time and attention on creating this community of women. So  you have to learn how to make aligned sacrifices and say no to the things that are going to waste your time, your energy, and prevent you from becoming your highest future self.

Time and energy are our most precious resources because it is limited. So get comfortable saying no to anything that won't bring you closer to your rage list. Any distractions? Gone. Any toxicity? Gone. Any self limiting beliefs? Fucking gone. And if you don't know where to start, check out my podcast episode about future self visualization.

So this is a visualization technique that will help you start to think about the future and the life you want to create. You can also just try YouTube meditations or the meditation app Insight Timer for free meditations.  Just search keywords like future self meditation, highest self meditation, or manifesting your dream life.

Any keywords like that will help you find ones you like and you can just test a few out. So once you create your outrageous list, you're going to journal every single morning and the prompt will be what's holding me back today from reaching my goals What are your daily goals for that day and they should always be things that relate to your outrageous list So maybe it could just be my daily goal today is researching how to do xyz My daily goal for today is finding content creators who already live this life So I can see how they are doing it.

My daily goal is reading books on personal development or these specific areas that I want to learn more about. Just write whatever comes up and then write everything that's stopping you from reaching those goals. It could be time management, doom scrolling, spending time and energy on a man who was lying and betraying you, wasting time fighting with a man, wasting time checking your ex's social medias.

When you could be spending that time on becoming more empowered and doing self love practices or.

 Wasting time on dating apps when you could go on Bumble BFF instead to meet more women who have like minded interests with you. Then every single day you're going to create a plan for how to get around that blockage so you can invest more time into yourself. 

That life isn't just given to you.  You have to work hard to get it because the goal is going to be so worth it.  If someone told you that 100%, if you dedicate  to  creating your future life, that it will absolutely come true, would you do it? Hell yeah. If someone told you that by learning new skills or,

or leaving toxic habits in people in situations in the past,  or by doing things that helped you come closer to your goal every single day   Why would you not do that? Why do you want to self sabotage yourself and not take that life? You only have one life.  This is it. And a lot of us think that we're immune to death.

We're not. It's going to happen. And it's going to come for every single one of us. Why would you not waste your time creating the life that you want to live? 

So on another note, you're also going to change your social media algorithms. If you want to,  create a second account. And my personal Instagram and TikTok accounts for the past few years had nothing to do with betrayal, cheating, or relationships. Absolutely nothing. It's solely focused on single women who are backpacking and traveling the world, women who are starting businesses, women who are de centering men and focusing their time and energy on themselves, .

That was it. Every day, you need to watch people who are living the life you want to remind yourself that it is possible.  Every single day, I was swiping and seeing women who were on their own traveling, backpacking, and I was like, if they can do it, I can do it.

 So every single day you need to watch the life that people are living that you want to remind you that it is possible. Maybe these people offer free trainings, workshops, support groups, or advice calls. Reach out to them and ask them how they got there. What, the worst thing they could do is not respond or say no?

That's it. But what if they do respond and what if they give you a helpful tip?

When I was first started creating my dream life, I reached out to so many content creators to ask them how they did it. I took any opportunity for a free workshop, any opportunity for a free coaching call, I did anything just to pick their brain to make how did you do it and what do I need to do. Use it as if  this person is the road map for how  you get from point A to point B. 

Basically, the point is to ingrain yourself into this life that you don't have yet, but that you want and remember this is focused on creating your dream life outside of a relationship Don't fill your feed with happy couples with couple influencers because that's putting all this power outside of yourself And saying you need Someone, you need a man to come into your life to give you that happiness, fulfillment, joy, fuck that.

That's not the case. All of that comes from inside you first, and then you will call in a partner who matches your energy.  Everything is energy. What we think, we become. If we tell ourselves that our dream life is possible, then our brain will focus on finding opportunities and stepping outside our comfort zone to make it happen.

If we tell ourself it's not possible, then our brain will have a scarcity mindset and find all the reasons for it to not happen.  Remember, our brain is wired to focus on everything that will go wrong in a situation because it's trying to protect you. But we need to reframe that and focus on everything that can go right.

That inner critic inside of your mind, the one who criticizes everything you do, the one who says, I can't do that, I would never live a life like that, good things like that don't happen to me, that's your inner critic. That's the  inner critic that you need to tell to shut the fuck up, respectfully.

Those thoughts aren't you. Those thoughts aren't reality. Those thoughts are self sabotaged by you holding yourself back.  Our actions and our thoughts tell the universe what we want and what we're ready for. We need to tell God, the universe, that we're ready to  level up and chase our dreams, that we're done with being in the cycle of pain, that we are ready to take back our life and to reclaim our power.

This doesn't just get handed to us. We need to work for them, and we need to have our actions align with our thoughts and our beliefs to show the God in the universe that we are serious, and we want this, and we deserve it.  Which brings me to the next topic of manifestation. And some people may roll their eyes and say that's some dumb woo woo hippie shit.

If you want to believe that, that's fine. I don't care. It's not going to impact my life because it works for me. So to which I say that, why do you want to be so negative? Even if it was a placebo effect, even if by simply believing that it helped and that it did help you align your actions to the reality you want, why would you choose not to believe in it?

Why would you choose to not try something that could help you?  Manifestation is simply visioning the life that you want and telling the universe that you're ready to work for it. Spending five minutes every day with your eyes shut and just visioning the life you want is so powerful and when you vision it Focus on the feelings and how it will feel when you have it Focus on as if you could feel it right now and you were living that life right now When I manifest, I envision myself traveling the world, meeting new people, riding on the back of scooters, walking around foreign airports, working at cafes with other digital nomads, taking yoga classes in the jungle.

And I focused on how it would feel and made myself feel that while manifesting. My body felt light, free, happy, calm, and optimistic and just fucking alive because I knew that is what I wanted. What you want in life is because there's a future version of you who is already living that life. You can call in anyone.

Anything you want, and if that sounds too woo or too hippie for you, let me be proof that it's not. The universe is expansive, and our soul is here for a very specific reason. The life you dream of exists because it is possible, and there is a version of you who is capable of making it come true. God, the universe, whatever you want to believe in.

Wants you to be happy, fulfilled, passionate,  and in love with life. It doesn't want you to be stuck in some relationship where a man's lying to you, betraying you, and making you feel like shit, or like you're obsessively stalking your ex and feeling like why you weren't good enough. God in the universe don't want that for you.

When you tell the universe you're ready for it and you align your thoughts, beliefs, and actions with the life you want, it will start opening new doors and opportunities you never knew was possible. Imagine your life is like a movie or a reality TV show and everyone is watching it. How would you spend your time differently?

Would you spend hours doomstrolling on social media? Or would you spend hours researching, taking free classes, free workshops, stepping outside your comfort zone, going on Bumble BFF to make new friends? Trying new classes on a EventBrite and working your ass off to reach your goal is because you know that life is possible.

How much differently would you spend your time if you knew people were watching you and they were rooting for you and they were cheering for you? That is what the universe is doing for you. 

All right, another thing you're going to do, you're going to create two vision boards. And again, it might sound hippie, woo, cheesy, but  fuck it.

Why would you not try it if it can help you? So a vision board is essentially a collection of images, quotes, colors, etc. that you want your next year or your next chapter to call in. If you saw my vision board, it would make you laugh because it's exactly what my life is now to a T. So the first vision board will be a physical vision board on a poster board.

So go to the bookstore, buy a few magazines with categories that interest you. For me, the magazines focused on mental health, yoga, meditation, breathwork, travel, nature, and backpacking.  Yours will look different and that's okay. And that's normal Then go through the magazines and cut out everything that you like don't overthink it Just like all this picture all this coat all this color.

It brings me happiness Don't overthink it just cut it out and start pasting it on a board and then put this board somewhere You can see every single day and when you manifest every morning look at it for inspiration to help remind you What this life in this chapter is that you're calling in.  So that's the first vision board.

The second vision board is going to be a digital vision board. That  you'll use that as a background on your phone so you see it multiple times a day. You can use images from Pinterest and then you can use Canva to create it and  look for a template on Canvas, such as like background, vision, board, and add in your own images from Pinterest, and you don't need to pay for a Canvas subscription to do this.

Just use the free subscription. 

Something that's really important to keep in mind is that dreams don't happen overnight. We often see celebrities, musicians, artists who blow up overnight and we think it's because they were an overnight success. That's not how it works. They were busting their ass off for years every day and only focusing on the life they want to create and attract.

You may look at my life and think, Oh my god, she's traveling the world after betrayal.  I busted my ass off for two years. I didn't go on dating apps.  And I was celibate for over a year. I said no to a lot of people, places, things, and opportunities that did not align with my future. So I removed a lot of friendships from my life.

I live with my parents for almost a year. I was homeless and couch surfing for seven weeks. I said no to a lot of job opportunities. I had insane financial anxiety. I had so much fear and doubt for two years, but I told myself I was going to make it happen no matter what. And I focused on  The vision of what I wanted to create every fucking day.

And you notice how , when I said all that, I wasn't focusing on how someone else thinks of me, how other people view me, how they perceive me on calling in a partner, no, it was all focused on me and my power and what the life I can create on my own terms.

So to create your dream life , you're going to walk into your spiritual woman, high self, woo woo hippie era. And it's  it's fun. And you can do as much or as little as you want. So try to sprinkle in like 10 to 20 minutes of meditation, breath work every day. You can start by using insight timer, which again, is a free app where you can just browse and search for topics that interest you.

Or I have a 30 day trial to the meditation, breath work and yoga app called open, which I'll include in the show notes too. So try to do this every morning when you wake up so you can start your day focused on what you want Claiming that energy reminding yourself of what you want So you don't lose sight of your goals and dreams And letting god in the universe know you're fucking ready for it And you are going to claim this energy and call it your own 

 Next, I also invite you to find a higher power to believe in, and I say this lightly because I know a lot of people have religious traumas, so it doesn't even have to be organized religion if that's not something you're interested in.

For me, I didn't know what I believed in after betrayal,  so I just started talking to  whatever was out there. I would say things like, hey, you know, if there's a God, can you just show me, like, start to reveal yourself to me?  Can you show me how to heal? Can you put people in my life who will help me heal?

Can you show me my left side? purpose and why my soul is here in this lifetime. I just asked very vague questions and just had a conversation as if I was talking to a friend. I didn't know who or what I was talking to, but the more I asked questions, the more things were slowly revealed. And of course, this wasn't overnight that my life changed, but the more specific questions I started to ask, the more I started to see questions being answered.

So when I felt stuck between making specific decisions, I'd say things like, Alright God, should I do this and can you make it so painfully obvious that my logical mind can't second guess it and slowly things would be revealed. 

Believe whatever religion you want to believe in. Believe into whatever makes sense for you and trust that , your spiritual journey will bring you to the place that you want it to take you to.

And if you're listening to this and it sounds like, I don't know, it sounds like you just kind of got delusional for a year and hoped for things to work out, Yeah, you do need to get absolutely fucking delusional for a year. You need to go in with the mindset that everything you want is going to happen.

That the life in the universe is conspiring in your favor. That the universe gives you what you need exactly when you need it.

That life is happening for you, not to you. That even though despite the pain and all the bad situations that are happening in life, you're going to alchemize this pain, you're going to transform this pain, and you're going to use it to light a fire under your ass to step into your power, to find your self love, to get angry at disrespect, and to be like, you know what, no more. 

 If you're in a situation where someone just repeatedly is lying to you and betraying to you, I do invite you to start to realize what role you are playing in this. I am not saying this is your fault. I am not saying you are causing this.

But if someone is repeatedly lying and we continue to forgive them and they continue to lie. At what point do you wake up and realize that you are choosing to stay in this pain? That you are choosing to be with someone who has shown and proved to you that they are not a safe and trustworthy person.

What part, what version of you is craving that male validation, the attention so badly? What part of you is so afraid to be alone that you'd rather be in a relationship where you're being emotionally and psychologically abused?

Every relationship, every journey, every person is different, yes. But if you're not seeing progress, if you're stuck in this pain,

At what point are you making, you know what, fuck this, I'm noticing the patterns that this person is bringing into my life. This person who says they love me is the biggest source of my pain.

At some point we need to let go. The life that I have created would have never been possible had I stayed in that cycle of emotional and psychological abuse by my partner lying, lusting after other women, and cheating. I would still be in that relationship, fighting for us, going to therapy, having my self esteem eroded, feeling insecure, losing my friendships, 

not being surrounded around these strong, independent women who are like, fuck it, we're decentering men and we're going to create our dream life.

And again, if this sounds like tough love, I'm not saying this is your fault.  But you do have all the power to leave this relationship. And I see so many women go, Well, I'm married to him and I have kids to him.  Okay, he knew that when he was lying, cheating, lusting after other women, did he not?  Why can't you leave?

I also meet so many women who do leave, who are married, who do have kids. 

And if you're like, you weren't married, you don't have kids, you don't get what it's like, you're right, I don't, but I do know what it's like to be stuck in a cycle of emotional and psychological abuse, and I know what it's like to leave that.  I know how good life gets when you're not focusing all your time and energy on this person who is the source of your pain, which is quite literally what a trauma bond is.

This person that you love is the source of your pain. 

I'm not going to tell you to stay with a man who is emotionally and psychologically abusing you.

On that note, we're going to talk about de centering men, and this is really, really, really fucking important. I could make an entire podcast episode just on the importance of this, but when I say de center men, that doesn't mean you're going to hate men, it just means your life doesn't revolve around the validation of men.

You're reclaiming your life by putting the focus on you, not them. So, centering men  means making the point of your emotions, decisions, self worth, or life purpose  around men. It's when their validation, actions, or presence determines your mood, confidence, or future plans.  So when we talk about de centering men, that means shifting your focus back to yourself.

Your goals, your healing, your pleasure, your desires, and self worth. So that men become an addition to your life, not the main event. It does not mean hating men.  It means putting yourself first. So this could look like getting off dating apps and instead putting that time and energy into creating and strengthening relationships with women Or going on bumble bff to meet new people and I hear so many women be like, oh I don't know.

I feel weird about going on bumble bff, but you'll go on a dating app. What's the difference?   Or decentry men also looks like, instead of going on a date, you go out to eat and make plans with your girlfriends. Or instead of spending money on Botox, or new skimpy outfits, or things to change your appearance for the male gaze.

You're putting that money into therapy, coaching, new classes, and overall health and wellness.  It means instead of watching male content creators that explain how men think, you're watching women content creators who talk about decentry men or focusing on self love.  Instead of listening to podcasts and reading books about addiction and cheating to try to make sense of why he did it or how to forgive him,  If you're listening to podcasts or reading books about personal development, self love, misogyny, patriarchy, how to forgive yourself and truly understand the structures that have been put in place to trap women. 

Educate yourself on women's rights, women's history, laws about women's bodily autonomy to understand why society is the way it is. Education, when it comes to what women and the history of what women have actually gone through and the barriers that we have to overcome. That education is empowerment.  If you're not an angry woman right now, what's going on in the world, you're not being informed or educating yourself.

It's so important to be aware of what's going on, how it will impact you and future generations to come and how far we have come as women and how a lot of that is going to be stripped away.   Centering men is even small things like sucking in your stomach when you walk past a guy, picking out an outfit because of how you think a man will perceive you,  having pick me energy and judging other women, being angry at sex workers but still choosing to stay with the man who betrayed you. 

I'm going to say that again. Being angry at sex workers but still choosing to stay with the man who betrayed you.  The sex worker wasn't in a relationship with you. He was in a relationship with you. Do you see how that is the patriarchy making females fight against one another when actually it's the man's wrong and the man who fucked up? 

And now it's women against one another? No, no, no, no, no. He is the issue.

Centering men also looks like viewing women as competition instead of viewing them as sisters who are also suppressed.  Choosing a career based on what you think a man would or wouldn't like. Not going towards that degree or that promotion because you don't want to outsmart a man.

 Any time you let a man's unhealthy and toxic views affect you. Any time you go into my comments and see the nasty hate comments that men are saying and you actually give them the time of day. They're fucking trolls and half of them are hiding behind a fake Instagram or TikTok account where they don't even show their picture or their real name.

Don't take anything into consideration of what they say.  Centering men is being worried about why he's not texting you back or the new girls that he's with. Centering men is not moving to your dream city or traveling because your partner doesn't want to or because you're waiting for a man to do that with. 

It's putting your dreams and life on hold for a man, or dropping everything you're doing when a man you like asks you to hang out. It's staying in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man because you'd rather be with him than be alone. 

  Centering Men is manifesting and visualizing your dream partner every single day instead of visualizing manifesting a life based on your mental, physical health, your career, your financial independence, your friendships, and your goals. 

Basically, you're going to focus your time and energy on building the life you want without love being the reason for it.

Have you seen the studies that say single women are more happy than married women? It's mind blowing. It is absolutely insane.  And how married men live longer than single men. Why? Because the woman is taking care of the man.

I have so many women come to me being like,  I want to leave him but I'm afraid of being alone. That was me. I get it. But I want to be proof to let you know that I enjoy being single and not dating men , and I have more happiness and confidence and self esteem and fulfillment by focusing on creating a community, hobbies, activities, career, friendships, families, I find more in joy and fulfillment than ever did being in a relationship with a man who was lying and lusting after other women

and once you enter this world, you're going to see that there are so many women who left their long term relationship because they didn't feel fulfilled. And now they are so happy and confident and successful being alone. But you probably don't think that life exists because you don't know any women who have done it because you focus all your time and energy on being with other couples or all your time and energy centering men.



When I tell you all that happiness, confidence, self esteem that you are craving, that fulfillment is on the other side of leaving this man who is the source of your pain, I 100  percent mean it. No, of course it doesn't happen overnight. There's still work and healing work that you have to do. But that is the first step.

Okay, so we're also going to tap into astrology and again, if you're like, that shit is stupid. It doesn't work again. I'm going to say back to you. Why do you want to be negative and say no to things that could help you? Astrology isn't asking the planets how you should operate on a day to day basis. But it can explain a lot about why you act and feel the way you do.

A lot of people know astrology is just knowing your sun sign, but it's actually missing a lot and doesn't paint a full picture of who you are and  why you act and  feel the way you do. So instead of just looking at our sun sign, you're also going to look at your sun sign, your moon sign, and your rising sign, and I'll explain all of,  what that means and how to do it

So our sun sign, basically that explains your ego. It's who you are at your core and your main personality traits.



So for example, my sun sign is Sagittarius. So I crave adventure, travel, spirituality, seeking the truth, and I'm very enthusiastic, I'm bold, and I'm blunt.

And then the other sign we want to look at is your moon sign. So your moon sign is responsible for your emotional self, and it explains your emotional needs, what makes you feel comfortable, your inner world, and what you need to feel emotionally fulfilled.  

So my moon sign is Capricorn, so I crave structure, I take commitment very seriously, and work is a comfort zone for me, and I love to work,   the next is your rising sign. So your rising sign is your first impressions and external persona. So it's basically your outward personality and how others perceive you.

So I'm a Virgo, and I have a very nurturing energy. I like to make people feel seen, I'm organized, I'm practical, and I'm a problem solver. And I want to make a difference in the world. So put that all together. My Sagittarius Sun makes me adventurous, dream big, and seek the spiritual truth in life. My Capricorn Moon makes me grounded and determined to work hard.

And my Virgo Rising helps people feel supported and seen.  So, aka, me being a digital nomad who gets to travel the world and explore while exposing the porn industry and working hard to create a company that helps people emotionally is quite literally what makes my soul feel energized and that's why I have felt so called and attracted to do this.

And which is why I didn't feel fulfilled when I was working my 9 to 5 corporate job, not traveling. Not making a difference in the world. So with that now you're going to find your sun moon and rising sign All you need to do for that is find out the exact time and the location that you're born and when you find the exact Time make sure it's down to the minute  as well.

 So then you can literally just use any free service, a website on Google, and just type in where you're born, your name, the time you're born, and then it'll give you your sun, moon, and your eyes. And it'll also give you  an entire astrology chart, but you can just focus on those three for now.

And then, We're going to tap into ChatGPT. So you're going to put this into ChatGPT. It's just going to help you a lot of hours of researching, to be honest, and say, hey, ChatGPT, my sun, moon, and rising sign is this. Can you please describe what this means for my personality? How can I use this for personal development?

And explain to me why I feel and act the way I do as if you were an astrologer.  Thanks. I always say thanks to ChatGPT. We just don't know.  And then have a conversation with ChatGPT. Ask her follow up questions. I also refer to ChatGPT as a girl. Ask her follow up questions that interest you, like what are careers you would excel in?

What would a fulfilling life look like for you? And how can you overcome specific obstacles that are in your way based on your astrology chart? And again, you might be like, this is way too hippie woo woo spiritual for me, to which I say again, just try it. If there are things that could help you develop personally, if there are things that could actually work, why would you not try it?

If you're going to have a negative aspect on life and a negative aspect on healing, then you're not going to heal. You're not going to believe it's possible, and you're not going to be open to trying new things.  I work with the women who are ready to try new things, who have tried the traditional approaches of healing, where it didn't work, and now they're ready to get creative and try more holistic  approaches.

And it worked. It's what worked for me.

Doing talk therapy, reading books, listening to podcasts, educating yourself on cheating and his brain in the porn industry and porn addiction is only going to get you so far. It's not going to teach you how to actually transform your emotions and overcome triggers, overcome anxiety, and how do you take all this fucking shitty pain and alchemize it and turn it into your power. 

All that isn't going to teach you how to do that, but that's one of the most crucial aspects for healing. We need to do spiritual, energetic, and somatic work to actually Co create with the universe and call in the life we want to create 

so, recapping a bit of what we talked about, you're going to create your outrageous list, you're going to visualize every day, you're going to manifest, breathwork, and meditation. And again, if you're like, I don't have time for that,  I'm gonna call it bullshit, and say you do have time for it because you probably spend at least an hour doomscrolling TikTok.

Can you not spend, I don't know, 30 minutes for yourself every day instead of doomscrolling on TikTok?

If you're not ready to make these changes, that's fine. If you're not ready to get out of this pain, that's fine. But this is for the girls who are ready to move on. Who are ready to heal. Who are ready to take back their power and say no more. Who are ready to be like, fuck this, I want more out of life. We have one life and death could come literally any day for us. 

I want to create the most out of this lifetime that I have and I want to create a life that feels good to me Not a life that looks good to others because other people may look at my life big That's not a life. I want that sounds awful and that's fine. Every person can have their own life That's what feminism is you get the right to choose what life you want and what you do and don't do

and again when I talk with us keep in mind that you should be working with a professional Whether that be a therapist or a coach like myself who has gone through betrayal, who understands the nuances, who has already been through it and can light a flashlight in front of your feet to show you how to get through it without constantly stumbling over yourself and re traumatizing and retriggering yourself.

And as always, nervous system regulation, baby, that is the number one thing I can recommend.

We're not going to be able to manifest and visualize this dream life as much as we'd like. If our nervous system is constantly going out of fight, fight, freeze, or fawn mode. We need to heal our nervous system. That is the biggest issue I see when girls come to my DMs. I'm like, well, what are you doing for nervous system regulation?

They're like, nothing. And I go, okay, what are you doing to heal? Um, reading books, listening to podcasts. Okay, so how are you transforming any of this pain? How are you learning to feel and express your emotion?  How are you learning to regulate your nervous system, which is responsible for how we think, feel, act, and respond to the world.

So think about every issue you have during betrayal trauma. You have uncomfortable emotions, you have heightened emotions, you are overthinking, you are ruminating, you are anxious. That is All from our nervous system. So the way we heal all of those aspects is through healing our nervous system. It's the most beautiful tool you could ever, ever, ever, ever encounter.

And if you're like, that's great, I don't know how to heal my nervous system,  my Betrayal Survival Guide, that is what makes it  so powerful is it teaches you daily tools on exactly how to heal your nervous system.

So when you feel triggered, when you feel stuck, when you feel heightened emotions, you have an exact game plan, like, Oh wait, this is what I do in this moment to help you calm down and regulate your nervous system. So instead of it ruining your entire day, it might take a few minutes or hours depending on how far into your journey you are 

it's amazing.

So I know this has been a lot. It might sound like a lot of tough love,  but I'm really trying to change my positioning to help focusing on truly empowering you, to help you realize how much power you have in this life, and how important it is to take control of your one life. I never want a woman to feel stuck in her relationship, no matter what the circumstances are.

Our energy, our thoughts, our thoughts create our reality. If you think you're going to heal from this, you're going to heal from this. If you think you're not capable, or that things won't work, they won't work.

You can do anything you put your mind to.

And being in this situation, it sucks, yeah, what happened to you is really fucking unfair, you're right. It should have never happened to you, and you have every right to be angry and mad about it, and you should be angry and mad about it. Being angry is such a form of self love, cause it is showing you, hey, I didn't deserve that, you can't treat me like that, you can't lie, you can't gas it, you can't manipulate.

Anger is our most powerful emotion and it is so beautiful. Express it. Let it show you where things are wrong in your relationship, in your life. Whether that be at work, with friendships, with family members, with boundaries, with your past or current partner.  Let that anger power you to ignite you to move forward in life and create a life where everything that angers you Gets kicked out the door.

Push everything that is holding you back in life Let it go.

Life is so short and you deserve so much better. You are smart, creative, resourceful, powerful, intelligent, kind, loving, strong. Don't let a man take that away from you. Whether that be your ex or your current partner. Don't let someone take away your spark. Don't let someone take away your shine.  Your shine, your mental health, your spark is what makes you, you.

Don't give someone the power to take that away.

I receive DMs from girls every day, every week, saying they wish they would have left him earlier because of how bad  mental health has gotten. Don't give someone that power.

There are 8 billion people in the world and this is one person.  Don't stay just because of all the years you have invested in with him. Better to have spent five years with him now, compared to 30 down the road. 

Just because a relationship ends, that doesn't mean it's a failure, it was a lesson.

And just because a relationship ends, that doesn't mean you'll never feel happiness again. There's so much happiness on the other side of this abuse.

I feel so passionate about this because women truly deserve better. There's nothing you could do to deserve this pain. Unless you were also watching porn and cheating on him.  But you weren't. There's nothing you could have done to deserve this. It's not because your body isn't good enough.

It's not because your face isn't pretty enough. I'm gonna take a shot. I'm gonna take a bet that your current or ex partner, he probably didn't look like a supermodel with a six pack abs and perfectly tall, dark, and handsome. I bet he didn't look like that, and  I bet you didn't watch porn or cheat on him because he didn't look how supermodel men look. 

 So why is it okay for him to look at other girls? We're human. No one looks perfect.  And even if you do look perfect, I have so many models in my DMs who are going through the same shit with their boyfriends.  It has nothing to do with your worth.

 I wish you could see yourself like your best friend sees you.

I bet you actually hide a lot of the information of how he treated you to your best friends

because you know they'll think it's bad.  Or hide information from your family members because you know they'll think it's bad and be like, why are you with him? Because they see your worth, they know how amazing you are. You don't see it because you're with someone who has constantly lied and emotionally and psychologically abused you. 

And I hear so many women go, Oh, well, the relationship is good, like 80 percent of the time, it's just 20 percent of the time that this relationship is bad.  Okay, that's still 20 percent of the time being emotionally and psychologically abusive. It's the same thing as if someone were in a physically abusive relationship where her partner is hitting her.

He's only hitting her 20  percent of the time, but the other 80 percent of the time is good. So she holds on to hope that it will change and that this time will be the last time.  It becomes a trauma bond. It becomes a cycle of emotional and psychological abuse. If you aren't familiar with trauma bonds or the abuse cycle, start educating yourself on it so you can start to realize it.

You deserve so much more. 

You never did this stuff to him. You deserve the same love that you give. And that love exists because you give it. 

Every day you spend with the wrong person is less time you're going to spend with the right person. 

And the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. 

If your partner is going to SAA meetings, working with a therapist, deleting social media, educating himself on The content of porn and how harmful it is to him, society, and yourself. Great, I'm glad he's doing the work. 

But you can still leave if you want to. And if your partner isn't doing any of that,  I never see those type of men heal.  Start focusing on yourself. 

Protect yourself. And I am biased because I have women in my DMs every single day, again, saying they wish they would've left earlier. Do some relationships heal? Yeah.  It's gonna take years, and you don't know if it's going to happen.  But most of the time they just get better at hiding it. 

I'm here to advocate for the women to let you know that you deserve better And to help you realize the cycle of emotional and psychological abuse that you're in  And to help you understand the trauma bond. A

relationship should feel safe, secure, soft. It should bring out the gentleness in you  it shouldn't make you paranoid, anxious, constantly wondering what he's doing.

Start focusing your energy on you and start creating your dream life. 

Regulating your nervous system, focusing on self love, focusing on creating a support system of strong women who will remind you of your worth. And de centering men. 

Don't let another week go by that turns into a month, that turns into a year, that turns into years of having these same conversations and these same arguments with someone.  Or checking your ex's social media. Block it. 

There's no reason to hold onto someone. 

You're going to be amazed at the new opportunities, the new doors, the new people, the new friendships, the new job opportunities that start to open and reveal themselves when you start to claim the life that you truly, truly want.  Separate of a partner.  You can do this.  Your brain is always going to focus on all the reasons that you can't have this.

If you would have told me two years ago this would be my life, I would have given you a list of 50 reasons why that would never be possible and why I couldn't make it happen.  But I found a way and I did it and it feels so fucking good. I want every woman to be able to experience this. 

So that's all for today. Thanks for coming to the podcast. If you're looking for a support group, again, I have my free support group in my show notes. If you want to learn more about my betrayal survival guide, feel free to check that out too, and reach out to me on TikTok and Instagram at WTF.

Do I do not coaching with any questions?

And yeah, after you get off this, go start creating your outrageous list. Remember, it's supposed to feel outrageous, it's supposed to feel like you will never be able to make it happen, but it's also supposed to light you up and light your soul up to be like,  if I had  no money, no resources, if nothing was stopping you, what would that life truly look like? 

And do one thing every single day that will take you closer to reaching it.  Alright, I love you, bye!