WTF Do I Do Now?

39. Take the F*cking Leap of Faith

• Mandy | Betrayal, Break Up & Empowerment Life Coach • Episode 39

Share episode

Ready to transform your life after discovering his betrayal (cheating, p*rn use, etc.)?


**Please subscribe and rate the show so the algorithm can help more girls find this resource and know they aren't alone in their healing journey from his cheating, p*rn use, etc.! <3

  Okay, welcome back to another episode of, what the Fuck Do Do Now? I'm so happy you're here today. I am in such a good mood, but I have been in such a crappy mood the past few weeks, and I'm gonna talk about that more. And today. What inspired this podcast is. What I'll get into, but it's just about taking the leap of faith.

Take the leap of faith when you're afraid. Just take the leap of faith and trust that there is something better for you out there. So before we dive into this episode.

If you haven't subscribed to this podcast yet, if you could just give it a rating that would be so helpful. It's the only way this podcast grows, and it's the only way that the algorithm gets pushed out to other women who are going through betrayal so that they can find this content and know that they aren't alone.

I don't want any woman to go alone through this.

I didn't script any of this out. I didn't write any of this out today. I'm just speaking from the heart. This past month has been my first month living in Australia, and it has been so fucking hard. It has been so challenging. Of course, moving to a country on your own where you don't know anyone, a country that you've never been to before is going to be hard.

My self-confidence. I swear, after betrayal, I was like, I can fucking do anything. I healed PTSD. I got through betrayal trauma. IC created a life that I fucking love. I traveled to six countries alone. I was like, I can do anything. I literally feel limitless and unstoppable, but however, when I got to Australia, essentially what happened is, and I'm gonna tie all of this into betrayal. There's a point to this. I'm not just talking about myself. So when I got to Australia, I ended up being  in this unhealthy roommate situation and it was really impacting me on an emotional, mental, and physical level

Our communication styles were differently. She was from a completely different country, not from Australia. I was from a completely different country, not from Australia. There was a large age gap in between us. And yeah, I just couldn't figure out what was happening. I started taking screenshots of our text messages and putting them into chat GBT to be like, what am I missing? What are the red flags? Or what's happening? Trying to see if I was the issue.

I constantly was just on edge. I didn't know what version of her I was going to get,

and I knew I needed to leave. I knew I needed to get out. I was really afraid to, because it took me about two months to find this housing. It's extremely hard to find housing in the part of Australia i'm in. I work remote, so I needed to have a desk in my room, and this place gave me a room and a office, so they were separate, which was like, this is so great.

I like the part of town it was in. Just knowing how long it took me to find housing made me not wanna have to find housing again. So I just kept trying to be like, okay, well maybe I can change my communication style. I just kept trying to change and morph and change myself to the point where it got me just being silenced.

I felt like I was constantly on eggshells. I didn't know which version of her I was going to get. I would just spend time in my room because I didn't wanna be out by her. I didn't wanna see her because it was constantly just it.

It was just this negative energy that I just haven't felt in so long. I felt so suffocated. I felt trapped. I didn't have anyone in Australia that I knew that I could talk to about this. I also didn't want to talk to my family about it back home because I don't want them to worry about me being on the other side of the world, which I know they would worry about me.

So I was bottling all of this in and it was just really tough. But again, I was like, I knew I should leave, but I was too afraid to leave because what if I didn't find anything better? Because what if this was the best housing opportunity? I don't have a car, so I bike everywhere.

I was like, what if I can't find someone as close to proximity to the town that I need to be in. What if I can't find a place where I don't have a desk to work remotely, or the wifi isn't good, blah, blah, blah. I kept thinking of all the reasons and all the things that could go wrong if I left.

And you're probably listening to this and you're probably like, well felt like you were walking on eggshells around her. You were hibernating in your room, you were self isolating I wasn't even like going out to work out, which like I love to work out.

I just had no energy. I felt so fatigued, and you're probably listening to that being like, why the fuck did he say you can leave? It's just a housing. It's just a roommate. You haven't been there that long and you can leave and you are right.

But that's why I want talk about taping Leap of faith. I started to journal on this when I was still there, and I was like, okay, I need to stop thinking about how can I communicate differently? How can I do this? How can I do that? How can I like make this living situation better? And instead, I just started to focus on how I feel.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I don't know what version of her I'm going to get. I feel like there's so much inconsistency what's going on. I don't feel safe here. And then I started to think back on how I felt when I was in my last relationship with the man I left, the man who betrayed me.

It was all of that. It was like I focused on all of the good. I focused on everything that could go right. I focused on everything that I could try to change. I focused on how I could try to change myself to morph into this. And that's what I did in my last relationship too. And so I recognize those signs and oh my gosh.

I need to get out. This isn't good for me.

So me and my roommate end our lease. I was like, okay, fuck. I have to find a new place. It took me two months to find my place. I'm so afraid. I know. It's so hard. And what do you know? Everything could have turned out better than I could have possibly fucking imagined.

I took the leap of faith. I trusted that, you know what? This environment that I'm in is not healthy for me. I'm gonna take the leap of faith that there's something better for me. I'm gonna take the leap of faith that if I remove this environment from me, if I remove this place that's making me feel.

That's making me feel like I'm going crazy. That's making me feel like I'm walking eggshells. I'm gonna remove it, and the universe is going to put something healthier and better into my life. So I started manifesting on what that looked like, and I'm a big manifestation girly.

And so me and her, we end our lease together. I'm panicking trying to find a place. I'm looking at all the Facebook groups. I'm doing everything I can to find a place. Within two days. I find a place, it is a dream of a place, and I found this place through a friend back in LA who just happened to know someone in this town that I'm living in Australia.

I reached out to her because I was just looking for friends. I felt so isolated. The roommate was sucking so much energy outta me, so I reached out to her I was like, Hey, would you like to meet up?

And I let her know that I was also looking for housing. And she sends a voice note back being like, oh my gosh, me and my other friend are actually looking for a third roommate right now. Let's chat. And so I ended up grabbing a matcha with her and her other friend, and we hit things off so well, it was like,

these are the type of women that I want in my life. These are the type of friendships I've been manifesting. These are my exact type of people, and they show me pictures of the house. And it was fucking gorgeous. And I was like, oh my gosh, there's no way This feels too good to be true.

Everything worked out. It was perfect. Within a week, I get moved into this new place. I'm with these two new girls we were just hitting things off so well. My whole energy shifts. I'm feeling so much happier. I'm feeling so much lighter. I'm back to my normal self.

I'm socializing. I'm smiling every day. I'm literally crying because I'm so happy. 'cause I'm so thankful, because everything just worked out better than I could have imagined. The house itself is better. The location itself is better. It's easier for me to get around on a bike.

It feels so safe, it feels so comforting. It's literally my dream home. And had I never left that crappy situation, I would have never gotten the opportunity to live where I live now. Two days ago, I was in yoga class and I just started crying because I'm so thankful for this home, but also the people.

The people. I was focusing all my time on this roommate trying to figure out how to communicate with her better, trying to figure out everything, trying to figure out why I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what was wrong. And so I didn't even have time to socialize and meet other people, and I was just self isolating.

And then I get into this new home with these two girls who are so like-minded, so kind, so compassionate, so spiritual, so outgoing, so just sincere and just have beautiful, pure hearts. It changed my entire energy

and I look back at this now with my betrayal journey oh my gosh, it was the same fucking thing. You need to take that leap of faith. I had to leave my ex-partner. I had to leave that relationship. I didn't know what it was gonna look like. I could focus on all the things that could go wrong.

I could focus on, well, what if I never find love again? What if I'm too old to start over? What if I regret this? There's so many what ifs you can think of, and I started doing the same thing in this last housing situation.

What if I can't find a place close to town where I can bike to? What if I can't find a place where I can work? What if I can't find a place for another two months? Your brain will always look for all the problems, and everything that could go wrong.

With this new place, and since I've gone through so much in betrayal I try to wire my brain like, you know what, yes. How human of me to be afraid for my safety. How human of me to have fear how human of me to worry and wanna protect myself. That's normal and that's okay. But also how can you rewire that and refrain that to be like, okay, well what if everything goes right?

What if I find roommates who are so much more aligned with me? What if I find a nicer home? What if I find a place that's closer to town and I had to do that same thing after leaving my relationship. I was like, well, what if I do find the love of my life? What if being with him is holding me back from reaching that person?

What if I going create this life that feels more empowering and exciting and uplifting in this life that I ever had with him?

And I am a huge spiritual girl, and I'm a huge believer that you have to show the universe, God, source, whatever you believe in. You have to show them what you want, and you have to show them that you are serious about it. I had to show. God that I was serious about leaving this relationship, and I'm serious about creating new life, and I'm serious about chasing my dreams.

My dreams were I wanted to become a digital nomad. I wanted to become a woman's empowerment life coach. I wanted to become a trauma-informed life coach, focused on nervous system regulation. I wanted to share my story on social media and connect with women. I wanted to start a podcast. I wanted to speak in conferences.

I wanted to travel the world alone. I wanted to be a digital nomad. I wanted to move to Australia. Those were all of my crazy dreams that I had. If you listen to my other podcast episode where I talk about building your outrageous list, that was everything on my outrageous list. And then I kept showing up every single day.

I was manifesting, I was putting in action. I was removing people from my life. I was moving friendships that weren't serving me. I was moving toxic workplaces. I was removing self-limiting beliefs of that I'm not enough or that I'm never gonna find love or that I am, I'm insecure and no one's gonna ever want my baggage going into a relationship, or that I just deserve this life and I'm gonna be stuck in pain forever.

I had to overcome work through all of that on a daily basis. It's not like I just woke up one day and poof, everything felt better. I had to put in the work day after day, but it paid off. And the universe was seeing that I was working for it and I was saying no to anything that wouldn't bring me to where I wanna be now.

And now, two years later, every single one of my dreams has come true. It's crazy. I literally, I cannot fathom how good life got because I showed up and did the work every single day because I never gave up on myself. The life that you want to create will only happen if you genuinely believe that you can make it happen.

And that's a huge mindset to overcome. You have to be like, you know what? I know that there's so many things that could go wrong. They're right. There are so many fucking things that could go wrong, but there's also so many things that could go right if you believe in yourself, if you commit to yourself,

and ever since being in this new house. Now, the craziest things have happened. I have received so many different job opportunities. I have had so many conversations with clients. I found a way to get a Visa sponsored here so I can stay in Australia long term, like everything

that could happen positively happened when I was at the last home with my unhealthy roommates. I was waking up with stress. I wasn't eating well, I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't working out. I look back and it's just so much negative energy and it's exactly how I felt in my last relationship.

And because I had gone through that betrayal and that pain in my last relationship, I was able to recognize the signs of this unhealthy relationship, and I was able to be like, no, I have to get out. I know there's something better. I know there is fear, and I know that's normal to feel fear, but I also know that I can push past this.

I also know that time and time again. God, the universe has showed up, has protected, has guided me. There has been so much going around that I haven't even been aware of spiritual forces guiding and protecting me. And I know that's gonna happen if I leave this home. And it happened in, everything started to positively change.

And every day I wake up in this home and I literally jump outta bed and I smile and I go for a walk around the neighborhood. And I say every single thing. I'm so thankful for.

And it feels like such a deep soul level connection with these women because I knew the exact type of friendships that I was looking for. They're all entrepreneurs. They love yoga, meditation, breath, or spirituality. They're so calm and grounded, but they're also just like silly, funny and goofy, and it's so energizing to be around that energy.

And then today I had a call with a client who left her engagement and she's just talking about how happy she is. She was talking about how she looks back at the relationship and how she's I can't believe I stayed in that for as long as I did. She lived with this man.

She called off her engagement. They had a wedding date planned. And today, our whole call, she was talking about how good she's doing and how happy she's outta that. She's I feel so good. I don't even want to be dating. She's I have no interest in being with men. I just wanna focus on myself.

I wanna travel, I wanna focus on my friends. And I was like, fuck yes, girl. That is the best energy, that is the best place you can get in. And that's the most powerful place you can get to after going through a breakup or calling after your engagement or getting a divorce.

It is so easy when you're in these unhealthy relationships, whether it be a housemate or a partner. Your whole world gets wrapped up in this person. You wanna change, you wanna fix, you wanna morph, you wanna shape shift, you want to make it better. You want to get to the other side with this person, and this person becomes your life.

You put all your time and energy into this one fucking person, and it feels like your world has collapsed because that person is your world so that your world has collapsed, but you forget that there is so much more to life. There are so many friends who are just waiting to meet you.

There's so many future lovers who are waiting to meet you. There's so many hobbies, activities, career opportunities. There's so much more. There's so many places to be there that there's so much more that is just waiting for you to step out of this negative energy that you're stuck in and take the leap of faith and know

whatever your spiritual practice is, know that God, the universe, whatever it is, going to protect you. They want you to be happy. They want you to feel confident. They want you to feel secure in yourself. They want you to show 'em that you're serious about creating this life, and they will guide and they will protect you.

So just know any time this fear comes up, it's normal. You're human. You can just say, you know what, how human of me, of course I'm going to feel fear, of course, because you have never done this in your life before. I. You have never had to leave an unhealthy relationship. You've never had to start over completely new.

You've never had to heal from betrayal trauma you have never been in this exact situation before, so you've never had to learn the exact tools to overcome it. That's normal. And that's okay, but that doesn't mean that you're going to feel like this forever.

That doesn't mean it's not possible to heal. That doesn't mean that you're going to miss the life you had with him forever. That doesn't mean you're not capable of creating a life that feels so much more in alignment with you. Whether that's traveled, career, new friendships, hobbies, activities, lifestyle changes, mental health, physical health, friend families, there's so much that you can focus on to create this dream life.

And that is why I love to work with women. I got so lit up on our call today with my client where she was like, I feel so good. I can't believe I gave him chance after a chance. I can't believe I stayed with him for so long and I just, I'm obsessed with this new life that I'm creating. I feel so good.

She's my stress levels have completely decreased. Like she's like on a day-to-day basis. My health, just mental, physical health feels so much better, and that is what I want for every woman. That is why I work with women. That is why if you have left the relationship or you're like, I'm ready to leave.

I just need that guidance. I need someone who's gone through it. Reach out to me. I would love to work with you in my private coaching program, or check out my portrayal survival guide. Either one is going to give you the tools that you need to go from, oh, should I stay or should I have stayed?

Was he going to change? Did I make a mistake by leaving? Am I ever gonna find someone better? Fuck that. No. We rewrite all of that thoughts, and I want you to look back as way. Should be. You know what? Fuck that. Yeah, it sucked. It was shitty, but I'm so thankful I went through it because I get to have this life that I have now.

I get to have this life where I feel peaceful, where I don't have to worry about checking someone's phone all the time. Fuck that. I don't wanna be someone's mother where I don't have to take care of someone like that.

Where I know my worth, where I know I deserve 100% honesty and respect, where I know I deserve a man who only has eyes for me and isn't even tempted to lust or lie or disrespect me. That's where I want you to get. We were even talking about this at my call with my client today and she's talking about dating again and the woman you are who discovered the betrayal is not the same woman you're going to be who is healed from the betrayal.

Yes, we can honor and appreciate past versions of ourselves because they got us to where we are. But who you are now feeling small, feeling insecure, second guessing yourself. I'm wondering if you made the right decision feeling triggered when you see other attractive women, constantly thinking about the betrayal, wondering what you could have done differently.

Wondering what's on with your body or face. That's not who the fuck you're meant to be. That's not who the fuck that God or the universe made you to be.

The patriarchy is designed to keep women small. It's designed to keep people insecure. It's a huge reason why I don't like half of the majority of the betrayal in infidelity industry because women deserve better because it tells women that. Oh, you should give him another chance. Or, oh, you should set boundaries.

The fucking boundary was the relationship itself. The fucking boundary was that being in a relationship, you shouldn't lie and cheat. That was it. That's why women work with me. 'cause I don't fucking, I don't view the industry that way.

He cheated, he lied, he betrayed. You deserve better and better exists.

I help women see why you have given him chance after chance, why you turned a blind eye to some of his questionable decisions or behavior.

Why you held onto him for so long, just outta fear of being alone, why you chose to stay.

With someone who is making you feel insecure and anxious and sad and crying instead of just walking away and being on your own. I help you understand that so that you don't get into another relationship like that. Because I do see a lot of women who leave the relationship, who don't take the proper time to focus on themself, who just jump into another relationship, and three months, six months, 12 months down the road, they discovered that the man was wearing the same mask and hiding the same betrayal.

But when you can understand why you stay, when you can understand the role you played in your own suffering, that's when everything changes. That's when you don't tolerate disrespect.

That's when you don't give a guy a second chance. That's why you should stop giving men the benefit of the doubt. You deserve someone who shows up the exact fucking same way you do in a relationship. If you wouldn't have responded that way, if you wouldn't have acted that way, then he shouldn't be doing that to you.

And so you need to take the leap of faith and know and trust that there is a better life out there for you. There's a better partner for you out there if you want it. There is a better career. There's a better housing. There's everything. There's better better out there,

and it's going to feel scary. That's okay.

But just because there's fear doesn't mean you shouldn't do something. You can reframe that fear to focus on all the possibilities that can happen. Instead, picture yourself like a toddler, learning how to walk. This is the first time you've ever gone through this situation, so it's the first time that you have to learn how to do things.

But every single toddler always learns how to walk. No matter how many times they fall down, no matter how many times they cry, when they fall down, they always learn how to walk. That is what you're going to do, and that is what I help women do. You are walking into this new version of this new woman that you're becoming.

You are shedding layers of that old version of you that tolerated disrespect, that gave him chance after chance that gave him the benefit of the doubt that wanted to leave the best in him, even though his actions were showing otherwise. You're shedding that version of you

and you're building and growing so many new layers of self-love and self-respect and self-compassion for yourself so that you go create this life where you wake up and you feel peaceful, where you look back and you go, yeah, that fucking sucked. It sucked. It was really shitty, but I'm glad I went through it because of this life I have now.

Had I never taken the leap of faith, I would have never started two businesses. I would have never traveled alone to six countries. I would've never moved to a new country alone. I would have never got rid of a lot of friendships that just, quite frankly weren't supportive.

I would've never moved out of the city that I lived in for six years. I would've never left my ex I, this whole platform, this podcast, none of this would exist had I stayed with him.

At this moment in time, I have about 70,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok. So that's about 70,000 women who have been silenced, who have been oppressed, who feel pissed off about porn and just needed someone to speak up about it. 70,000 women of just one woman sharing their story. , Imagine if every single woman left and every single woman shared their story of how different of a world that we would create for our future.

Children, nieces, daughters, cousins, friends, anyone. And I'm not shaming anyone for not sharing their story. That's absolutely not it by any means. It's a lot to go through to share that when you first start, but I'm just saying by you leaving, even you just showing your friends and family that you chose to walk away from disrespect is limitless.

That can create such a ripple effect in the world. The client I was speaking with today, she started sharing her story on TikTok and I am so proud of her. It is so cool to see her have this creative outlet, but just the thing she is saying,

when you start to find your power in your voice like that, you're fucking unstoppable. You are a fucking threat 'cause you are not going to tolerate disrespect. You are not going to tolerate a life that you just settle for.

And that's why I'd say on the call, she's I don't even wanna date. I just wanna go travel. I wanna go see the world. I wanna focus on my friends. I wanna focus on my career. Like she was just so energized in creating this new world and this new life for this new version of her. And that is why I work with women.

I know how scary it is leaving. But I also know how fucking great it is on the other side of healing. I've seen it firsthand. I've experienced it firsthand. I've witnessed it for I know 100%. It is possible.

Whatever life you want, that's the life you're going to create. Whatever life you think you're capable of, that's the life you're going to create.

I want the woman who say, fuck this to betrayal. I'm building myself another life. I'm not gonna stay oppressed as a woman. I'm not gonna stay small and insecure because of what he did to me. I.

I'm going to heal and love myself so much that I go and move forward and help heal other women, even if it's just one other wo woman by showing her that I love and that inspires her to leave. Do you know how powerful that is? You know how fucking that is? That is insane.

Most of our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, really any woman in our entire ancestral lineage didn't have the option to leave. They didn't have credit cards. They couldn't open a bank account, they couldn't own property. They couldn't start a business without the permission of a man up until 50 years ago.

Do you know how many women would kill to be in your situation right now so that they could leave a disrespectful man and just go create their own life? It is such an honor. That is such a privilege. I know my grandma, my great-grandma, my great grandma, all the women in my lineage are looking down at me feeling so proud.

They were suppressed, they were silent. They didn't have the choice to do a lot of things. And I know they're looking down at me. I know they're guiding me, and I know they're supporting me spiritually.

And a lot of us grew up where we didn't see a healthy relationship with our parents, and that's why we now are in these unhealthy relationships.

But you have the power to heal. You have the power to quit, literally heal generational trauma. You have the power to be the trailblazer, to be like, no, no more. I'm done. I'm healing and I'm creating my life.

And if that feels overwhelming, you're like, I don't know where to start. That's why you work with me. I've been through it. I've guided women through it,

and I would love to chat with you.

I have an application in my show notes for my private coaching program. If you wanna chat there or also reach out to me on DM and let's chat.

Or if you don't wanna work one-on-one with someone. I also have my Betrayal survival guide in my show notes as well. Just know whatever you're feeling. You're not the first person to feel this and healing is 100% possible.

And if you're listening to this and you're like, great, I don't even know what I want my future life to look like 'cause I'm just stalk in so much pain right now. I hear you. And that is normal. Your nervous system. Can't think about the future when it's in the survival mode. So something I'd recommend checking out my other podcast episode

where it's the future self visualization. And just take some time to decompress, to turn off the lights, lay down in bed, and just take some time to breathe and listen to it and see where it takes you. And then journal after.

Be like, where am I holding myself back right now? What would I like in my life to change? And what is one step I can take today towards that change? All right. That is all for today. Thank you so much for listening. Again, if you haven't, if you can just subscribe and write the podcast. That's the only way this will reach other women who are going through betrayal, and that is all.