05. Unlearn Fear of Failure

In this episode of 'The Art of Unlearning,' Linda addresses the fear of failure, which was chosen by a popular vote on Instagram. She explains that the fear of failure is a form of personal psychological torment, which can be overcome through her neural reprogramming system: intention, investigation, uprooting, and formation. Linda discusses how fear of failure is often rooted in experiences and beliefs formed during early childhood, and how these can be reprogrammed. She outlines common signs of this fear, such as procrastination and self-sabotage, and how these can be traced back to subconscious blocks developed through family and educational systems. She urges listeners to reframe failures as opportunities for growth, using her own struggles as an example. Linda provides actionable steps: revisiting past failures to find their purpose, forgiving oneself, and tuning into one's intuition. She concludes with exercises for reprogramming limiting beliefs and overcoming fear to achieve a more empowered and authentic life.

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Transcript

Welcome back, my friends, to the Art of Unlearning. Linda here. If you struggle with second guessing yourself, if you don't really believe in yourself, if it feels like every time you move towards a goal, something stops you, Or doubt plagues every decision you make, big or small, and you just can't seem to reach that level of emotional freedom that you know is out there, then this episode is for you.

What we're talking about today is how to build unshakable self worth. And don't worry, I'm not going to just tell you to think positive or do your affirmations. We're going to go so much deeper than that because this is truly a life changing topic. system to build, we're going to talk about how to actually make it so that your brain's default neural pathway is self worth because our brains are incredibly good at adjusting and rewiring.

So why should we have to settle for a life that is anything less than everything we want when it's completely within our power to heal the things that tell us that we're anything less than everything that we are and Grow into a life we want to be living using neuroplasticity.

 So in this episode We're going to specifically talk about the four pillars to build unshakable self worth Now these pillars you can take them one at a time in the order that I give you Or you can also start to practice them in different orders, depending on the flow that life is already taking you through, you might notice that you're stronger in some areas and weaker in others.

You also might think that what I'm saying is you need strong boundaries You need to be very strict with your time. You need to always be saying no to everything, you know But that's just not the case because high self worth goes so much deeper than that. It's much less Strict of an energetic.

It's much more Deeply embedded in you. It's kind of like the spine that you build the entire strength of the rest of your neural pathways on. And self worth is just, it's one of those things that once you start practicing what I like to call high self worth decisions or high self worth behavior,  you just can't go back anymore.

It becomes very obvious when something that you're doing is you acting out of conditioning or out of,  the way that you've always been or trying to people please rather than true high self worth behavior. Sometimes making high self worth decisions is really freaking hard and it's really uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that it's not essential and it doesn't mean that it's not the best thing for you, even if it doesn't feel good in that moment.

So let's dive into it and let's talk about the four pillars to building unshakable high self worth.

  But  first, a word from our partners.  So I don't know if you know this, but sleep is something that we really should not be trifling with, because the brain cell activity during sleep is responsible for basically propelling fluid into, through, and out of your brain, which clears it of any debris that it picked up during the day.

It's absolutely essential to your reprogramming process that you get good sleep. But for those of us with ADHD or busy brains in general, that's just not always naturally possible. So when RE nutrition reached out about partnering, I knew it was just a match made in heaven. And this is the first partnership that we've had on this podcast.

So it's a really huge deal. And I would not be telling you guys about it if I didn't actually experience myself, how frigging cool these gummies are. For the last week or so, I've been trying their super mushroom chill gummies, which are vegan, alcohol free and. Honestly, absolutely delicious. They're designed to support calmness and relaxation and help with sleep.

All of which they've done for me. It's been absolutely incredible. They also provide cellular energy support so that you can wake up feeling refreshed and recharged. Everything that RE Nutrition makes is scientifically supported and uses only real mushrooms and the best.  They're also, by the way, delicious.

Like, if you don't usually like vitamins in gummy form, these taste nothing like what you're used to. And they just leave me feeling tranquil. Like, I had a glass of wine, except I didn't have to have, you know, the thing that actually damages the brain. I got to ingest something that actually supports it. I also noticed that I wake up feeling rejuvenated after a night of sleep.

They're formulated with wild reishi mushrooms, which is already amazing, but then they also add ashwagandha and L theanine to them. So what's really cool about reishi is that obviously it's natural.

It comes from the earth and it's an adaptogenic mushroom that supports cellular energy and stamina. while supporting a calm, balanced state. So it really does help ease anxiety and just get you into a place of calm and make sure that you're getting a really good night of sleep. They're also gluten free.

So if you are sensitive to gluten or avoiding gluten, you won't have to worry about that either. And Ari also has other products with nootropic benefits like their daily support gummies or their focus gummies, or even their hair, skin, and nail gummies, all of which are formulated with wild mushrooms, gluten free and vegan.

Next, I'm going to try their super mushroom daily gummies, which is a super powerful, tasty mushroom gummy that supports brain function, overall wellness, digestion, and mood. But I'm so glad I tried their calm ones because I swear to you, it is the best way to end my night. And I'm so excited for you guys to try them too.

So if you're interested in getting all of these great benefits for your brain, you can use my discount code, which is earth to Linda E A R T H T O L I N D A for 10 percent off your order. You can visit their website at try T R Y R E A U R I. com. And your purchase also supports the continuation of this podcast.

I'll go ahead and have that linked in the show notes and in my link tree on Instagram.  And now back to the episode.   

  First, we want to ask, what is self worth? Because it's not a word  that is commonly used. And it's not like self confidence where your achievements can be listed out into reasons why you believe in yourself or, you know, anecdotal evidence for why you should believe in yourself.

Self worth is far more intangible and far more powerful of an energetic than that. It's the deeply rooted belief that you matter. It is an internal sense of being good enough, being worthy of love or belonging or financial security or anything else you want to experience in this lifetime. Self worth at its core is deservingness, and not in a cocky, ego driven way, but in a calm, grounded knowing.

Self worth means showing up as you are rather than who others want you to be or the projection that you want others to believe you are. It is living and loving your authenticity regardless of external factors or flaws or being something that people don't want you to be.

It's knowing that your opinion of yourself cannot be changed because you are living your values and it is the single most essential part of living your authenticity and strengthening your neural signature. If you're new here, when I say neural signature, what I'm talking about is the fact that our brains are as unique as our fingerprints and the happiest way to live your life is in a way that is in alignment with the brain patterning that you came to this planet with 

so when triggers are coming up in your life, that's just our brain and our neural signature being in contrast with the life that we're actually living. It's really just indicating like, hey, this doesn't feel good because it's not what is authentic to me.

So why do we want our brains to default on high self worth? What's so special about it? Well, lacey Phillips of to be magnetic talks about how narcissists are the most powerful manifestors, not because they deserve it in the way we think of deserving something like finish your dinner so you can have dessert,  but because they feel deserving of it. And the reason for that is they have a deep sense of self worth. They believe they're worthy, so life unfolds as proof of what they believe about themselves. And what that is, is the confirmation bias.

It's the way that our brains function to find evidence of a belief that's embedded within the brain system.  

And this same principle applies to the rest of us. So if you deep down believe that you are deserving of financial success, you're going to experience financial success.

 If you deep down believe that you are unworthy of being treated well, you're going to keep encountering situations where you're mistreated. think about like the friends that you have who just seem to be thriving, the ones who left college immediately found the perfect job for them and have just been accelerating their life ever since the ones that life just seems effortless for.

. Really what's happening is they're operating on high self worth. It's that simple. If you were to get into the nitty gritty with them and ask like, how have you never had a bad boss? They'll probably tell you because I have never allowed myself to settle for a bad boss.

And maybe they were fortunate enough to have an upbringing that really valued their authenticity, where all of their needs were taken care of and they were taught that they're valuable. Or maybe they figured out how to practice these principles on their own, but it's as simple as that.  It's, Acting in your authenticity and high self worth behavior. 

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Since the state that we exist in was picked up in developmental age, usually between zero to eight or all the way up to 18 and is being projected out in front of us, our brains are constantly going to find evidence of, I don't deserve until we do the reprogramming needed to clear that belief and start establishing new neural pathways where we practice high self worth behavior. 

So if you look around at your life now, is it the way that you want it to be? Is it moving in a direction you want to be moving in? Or do you start to notice recurring patterns like bad bosses, terrible partnerships, bad friends. It's not that you're unlucky. It is not that you are broken or anything like that.

You just are operating on low self worth and you're probably not exercising your full authenticity.

All that your life is showing you right now is, it's a mirror, it's evidence of where you're looping on beliefs of unworthiness. It's just showing you where there's lessons to be learned or growth to happen

and it's in our authenticity, in our brain's neural signature, where we generate the most magnetism, where life just happens for us, where our brains thrive. We always want to return to that place. 

It's really neutrality more so than it is any, you know, high vibe optimism or anything like that. We just want to get rid of the stuff telling us that we're not good enough as the person that we came to this planet to be. 

So where does low self worth come from? Well, just like everything else, low self worth comes from childhood programming. , if you want to hear an episode about how our early childhood programming impacts the rest of our life, I have a podcast. An episode, which I'll link in the show notes, and that will go into all of the nitty gritty about  the science behind all of this.

Basically the gist is if you did not have enough positive responses to your natural existence, to your natural behavior, that will create a belief that who we are is not enough. And we'll begin to act in ways that hides our authentic self or diminishes our authentic self or in some way, shape or form tells us that the safest route is in settling. Maybe you grew up with parents who modeled low self worth behavior, or you grew up in a culture that, you know, prioritized deprioritizing yourself. Or maybe you went to a school where you were an outcast in one way or another, or you learned at some point in time that self sacrifice is the best way to live, it's really common for people who grew up with religious programming to believe that something like deservingness is sinful or feels like nasty in some way.

But because our beautiful, gorgeous brains are plastic, they're very malleable with practice, we can unlearn anything. And that's the basis of this entire work is that we want to unlearn what we were taught so that we can thrive in our authenticity.



So what are the four pillars of unshakable self worth?

And this is both a step by step and kind of the essential basis that you need in order to live a life of high self worth. So the four steps, the four pillars are knowing yourself. Self compassion, self trust,  resilience



.

 So let's go through each of them, starting with knowing yourself. This is the first step for everyone.

Regardless of who you are, If you want to have a better relationship with yourself, if you want to have a healthier mind, knowing yourself is step one. And I'm not saying you have to accept everything you find, I'm literally just saying you have to know who you are. And that's not always easy, you know, especially for people who  were taught to live outside of ourselves, and who, you know, just never really prioritized getting to know themselves and only ever lived based on achievement.  Probably never really thought for a second like, huh, who am I?

But you have to, one way or another, put the work into knowing who you are, regardless of what you find, regardless of what other people will think, regardless of what you wish you were because of X, Y, and Z reason, knowing yourself is a huge pivotal point when it comes to neuroplasticity and neural reprogramming, because the things that are inauthentic to you are inevitably going to show signs of that.

 Your brain and your body are going to make it very obvious when something does not feel aligned for you. It's going to feel like drudgery. It's going to feel like anger. It's going to feel like frustration. And it doesn't mean that you  are broken.

 It just means you're not living out your neural signature. And maybe part of that is getting to know what is your neural signature.  So some exercises I like to send people through if they're just getting to know themselves, and these are things that I did myself as well.

I like to tell people, just sit down and write a description of yourself, as if you're talking about a character. So for example, my earliest journals, when I really committed to getting to know myself, would say, my name's Linda D'Avio, I'm 5'4 whatever weight I was at the time, I have brown hair and brown eyes.

I really like the way the sun looks when it's streaming through clouds. I don't really know myself that well, but I know I have a big heart for animals. You know what I mean? Like it would be very simple, very, um, just baseline understanding of who I know myself to be in that moment. And then the cool thing is that once you have that baseline point of reference where you're like, huh, okay, I am a person.

I do have things about myself that are listable items, a listable description, because a lot of times, you know, we're not even thinking about what it is that makes us us or the fact that we are people living inside our skin at all. Once we have that initial listable description, we can start to look around at our role that we play in the world around us and we can start to see.

 That doesn't feel that good in my body. That feels really good in my brain. And we'll just start to notice what is and is not true to us. And through that, true to us reference, we can start to get a baseline point of reference for who we are. And that just begins with the simplest holding of emotions in our body that says yes or no.

 You just have to know what aligns with your values if you're going to practice high self worth Because if you don't know who you are at your core and you don't know what you value what you prioritize What you want to be happening in your life You're just always going to be acting out of conditioning.

Even down to like, I know I like to get to the airport early, or I don't like to be at the airport early. High self worth decisions can be something so simple as, I would like to get to the airport early, can we take a cab earlier than we planned? Because it feels good for me to get there early, otherwise I'll be nervous all day.

 If you don't know this about yourself, you're going to be left grumpy and exasperated when your partner is leaving for the airport at the time that they know themselves well enough to know that they want to get there at, and you're left feeling abandoned even though you never communicated that need because you didn't know you had that need. 

Knowing yourself is the first pillar because it is the basis on which we build everything else. Once we know ourselves, we can communicate what we know.  Right? 

And so the next pillar to building unshakable self worth, the second pillar is self compassion. And this is where a lot of people stop on their healing journey. Unfortunately, it's, it's one thing to say, get to know yourself. It's an entirely different thing to say, Forgive yourself or accept yourself for everything that you find.

 Self compassion really comes in when you can make a mistake, when you can say the wrong thing, when you can feel shame in your body and say, I love you anyways.

I unconditionally accept you, regardless of what you've done in the past, regardless of what you've said to people, regardless of the ways that you've acted out of low self worth or the situations that you've put me in. I love you and I want better for you. And that's not always easy for us. You know, I think there's a lot of people who can't do something so simple as the mirror exercise, where you sit down and look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say, I love you.

I mean, I remember a time when I genuinely really struggled to do that. I would look at myself in the mirror and I. Just I hated the person that I saw, you know, I hated the decisions that that person made. I hated the situations that that person put me in

and I just was in this constant war in my mind where I both wanted better for myself, but I hated myself at the same time. And unfortunately you're just not really going to want better for someone that you don't accept. So that's why self compassion is such a huge part of building high self worth because when you're asked to make those high self worth decisions, when you're asked to do something challenging or put yourself out there or have that difficult conversation, if you don't have a reason to care about yourself, you don't have a Just not going to want to do that.

So it's really important that we put time into nurturing ourselves and building a sense of self compassion.  Having love for yourself, having compassion for yourself, having an understanding that you are acting out of a wounded place is everything.

 It's much more than just saying, I accept you. It's really feeling that you are at your core, just a  kid in an adult body who is trying their best, given what they know, and you're working your way towards being someone who lives their values, Who knows their values and who tries their absolute best every day But at the end of the day is just a person and might not get it right all the time But at least you're trying

 We get to say, I forgive you when you made this mistake that cost me a friendship because I know you were acting out of your conditioning. You get to say, I forgive you when you cost me this job because I know that it wasn't really fueling your soul and it led to burnout and I get it that  you couldn't stick around any longer.

You know, a lot of times we go through life just kind of operating and not really pausing long enough to think. We're always worried about like, Oh, are these people comfortable? Are these people happy? Am I making sure that they're good? Are they fine? We don't really pause long enough to say, Hey, Oh my god, I'm a person too.

I'm deserving of love too. I'm deserving of this compassionate care that I'm giving other people and guess what? It's my job to be giving myself that compassionate care that I'm giving to other people. You know, we'd love to just, we love to neglect ourselves instead of, you know, Realizing that we're people too, who are just as deserving of care as everyone else that we're giving care to,

so that's the importance of self compassion. It's about Knowing ourselves first, then learning to accept what we find and love what we find so deeply that we treat ourselves like we would a good friend, that we stand up for ourselves the way we would a good friend, that we vouch for ourselves the way we would a good friend. 

And I love, I love this pillar of high self worth behavior because when you have compassion for yourself,  you know, difficult conversations.  becomes so much easier. It kind of becomes a no brainer because it becomes,  I love myself and I'm going to speak up for this person that I love, you know? Or, I have seen this person through a lot of flaws.

It like, makes me emotional when I think about it. just the self love journey is so key. It's so important. Because it's this feeling  like acceptance on a level that you may have never met before that you may have never experienced from the people around you before, but you can start to experience for yourself. You can start to give yourself that feeling

so let's talk about the next pillar, self trust. Ooh, this is a good one. This is one of those that only time can build. Self trust comes from collecting experiences, Where you are keeping promises to yourself  it means Speaking up for yourself I mean honestly the more you speak up for yourself the more you vouch for yourself the more you set boundaries the deeper your trust Is going to grow in yourself because you're going to become the person that makes sure that your needs get met 

And it's very obvious, right? When we think about it, it's like the person that you're going to trust the most is the one who you've gone through conflict with and come out on the other side, feeling a deepened level of compassion for, I always like to say that conflict is a gateway to intimacy when it comes to relationships.

And that is just even more true when it comes to your relationship with yourself. Anytime you go through, a big, entropy moment,  and you operate in as high of a self worth way as you possibly can at that time, you're going to deepen your trust with yourself.

You're going to start to know what it feels like to really be able to depend on someone

so self trust is easy and simple because it simply comes about when you have had enough experiences with you that you start to believe that you have your own best interest at heart.

And really, we can't really talk about self trust without talking about intuition. A lot of times, our neural signature, the baseline mode of operating that is optimal for us to be living off of, it's going to go against the conditioning that we were raised with.

As an example, I am a creative entrepreneur with raging ADHD.  I, for a really long time, used to take a lot of Adderall to treat the ADHD, to kind of control the ADHD. And I used to think that I needed to land like an office job, a nice stable office job, because that is the way everyone in my reality growing up made money.

I had never met anyone who was an entrepreneur. I had definitely never met someone who was a successful creative. And so I operated on the belief that my brain would not work for that kind of world. And if I wanted to have a happy life, I needed to land a stable job.  And so for years, I tried to land a stable job.

And for years, I took Adderall to control my brain  to try to force it to live in a very left brain mode of operating. And it wasn't until I started to go down this path and start to learn more about myself that I realized, oh, my neural signature is one that operates in more freedom.

Oh, I don't really need Adderall because actually my ADHD traits are Perfect for entrepreneurship, you know, bit by bit, I started to trust myself a little bit more when my brain would say things like, Hey, I really want to start a podcast. And I'd be like, Oh, that's kind of crazy. I'm not ready for that.

You know? And a year later, that desire would still be there. And finally I did start the podcast and now here we are, and it's absolutely taking off and I'm getting to be very right brain, as they say, very creative, be able to be an entrepreneur, untreated ADHD, because it actually is a superpower in this world.

And more than anything else, because of all the times that I didn't listen to my intuition, or that I didn't follow through on something, , I have such a deep level of trust in myself 

The last thing I ever want to do is break that connection that I have with myself. The last thing I ever want to do is give myself a reason not to trust me.

 The fourth and final pillar when it comes to high self worth is resilience. And what that means is integrating all of these other pillars that we talked about while also accepting that life is in a constant state of change and evolution. Letting go of that need for control and accepting that you can do the best you can and you don't have to be perfect all the time.

Resilience will really, it'll give you the emotional flexibility so that you can adapt to any situation, so that you can learn from every experience, and so that no matter what happens, you know you're going to persist, you know you're going to be fine, you know you're going to figure it out.

Because why? You know yourself well enough to know what you want, You have enough compassion for yourself to know that you deserve better , and you trust yourself enough to always be doing the thing that's best for you.

Resilience, really, when you think about it, it's kind of what everyone's always talking about when they're talking about an abundance mindset. And that doesn't just mean like physical abundance.  It just means life is in a constant state of change. Entropy is everywhere.

 But despite all of that, I'm going to grow through what I go through. I am going to learn from my experiences. I'm going to evolve. I'm going to be the best version of myself that I can be, and I'm going to accept everything that I encounter along the way.

Really what resilience is rooted in is just a positive self concept. It's where setbacks are not really seen as like impossible or definitive in any way, but just opportunities to grow and opportunities to learn and a lesson that's being served you. And that's also where having a healthy sense of spirituality really will serve your mental health journey as a whole because once you stop seeing setbacks and pain points as setbacks and just start seeing them as opportunities to grow and gifts that are being given to you, nothing can really touch you anymore. You start to see that a stressful situation, it's just going to be temporary and it's incredibly surmountable and it's actually going to serve your growth and your evolution . You get to develop such a strong foundation for facing anything that life serves you because you start to see all of it as a gift and all of it as an opportunity.

And when life is full of opportunities, there's not really many dead ends. To encounter anymore is there

 let's say, for example, if you have a really triggering boss, and this boss is Incredibly painful to have to experience every day.

What you can do is kind of try to take a step back, try to zoom out for a moment and look at, okay,  what is coming up in my body that feels similar to what I experienced in childhood. One, you want to take that through. An unblocking treatment, whether it's self hypnosis, EFT, whatever your preference is.

And by the way, I have a membership I'm building right now. That's going to make this so easy. So I don't have to just keep telling you guys like do this thing without somewhere to send you. 

It's going to be. Absolutely life changing. I'm so excited. But anyways, so let's say you have this triggering boss, right? And you are looking at the situation as if you are an omniscient being here, and you're just looking at it for what it is rather than what it makes you feel. You can say, okay, these are the ways that my boss is reminding me of my childhood wounding.

You can resolve those. And then you can start to look at, okay, what do I need to do in this situation to practice high self worth? What do I know to be true about myself? Well, I know I don't like when I'm treated in this way, this way, this way. Why? Because it doesn't make me feel good in my body, period.

Then you can start to have compassion for yourself and you start to realize, oh, I'm a person in here. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Realistically, no one does.  And then comes self trust, which is, what am I going to do to get myself out of this situation? Am I going to set boundaries, or am I going to just look for a different job?

And then comes resilience, because the thing with the universe at large is, entropy is everywhere, and whenever we set the intention for better, the universe is always going to serve up a little bit of chaos, because that's just how energy works, so when that inevitably happens, when we decide, Hey, I deserve better and you don't seem like you're changing.

So I have to go and you start looking for another job, you're going to immediately encounter a thing that's going to test your resilience. I can guarantee you entropy is going to be introduced to the equation because you are shifting the energy of the situation. And that's where our fourth gorgeous pillar comes in resilience, because you could start looking for a job and immediately your coworker is laid off.

Let's say. That could really rattle your world. That could really tell you, Oh my god, I am under threat of losing my, , job here. My security is under fire. That's terrifying. But, I know myself. I know that security is a triggering situation, let's say in this hypothetical world, because you grew up in a situation where money was always hard to come by.

So you know yourself well enough to know that security is a big pain point for you. I don't know why this is coming through so strongly. There must be someone listening that needs to hear this exact example. But let's say you're witnessing somewhere that your security is under threat.

Are you going to allow that to send you back into the old you who buried their feelings  and accepted that bad behavior? Or are you going to practice resilience and say, I'm still going to look for a job. I'm still going to find better for myself.

I'm still going to set boundaries. Why? Because I trust myself enough to know that I can find better. I have enough compassion for myself to know that I deserve better, and I know myself well enough to know that this kind of treatment does not work for me and my neural signature. 



 So that's an example of how we can actively practice high self worth  the universe is just going to serve us these looping opportunities to practice high self worth behavior.

And it's going to come from knowing ourselves and what works for us, compassion that we have for ourselves, the trust that we have in ourselves, and the resilience that we practice in navigating entropy.

So let's talk about the opposite of each of these, because when we're living in a place where we're practicing the opposite of each of these four pillars, we are 100 percent without a doubt guaranteed looping on childhood wounding. And that's exactly why you're here is to clear that wounding so that you can step into your most aligned and authentic and happy and easeful and peaceful and high self worth life.

Really, you just can't reach these points of knowing yourself and having compassion for yourself and trusting yourself and practicing resilience if there are looping experiences from your childhood that are keeping you believing that you don't deserve these things or that you're not valid enough to have these things,    

number one, knowing yourself is pretty obvious, right? It's,  if someone asks you, you know, what your preferences are like and you genuinely don't have an answer,  if it feels like there's some gray area of your existence that you haven't really addressed yet. That's obvious that you don't know yourself that well.

 If it feels like you're constantly ending up in situations where you're unhappy, you probably don't really know well enough what you're looking for.  The childhood wounding that could create that is maybe you grew up in a house where your authentic needs were deprioritized. Maybe they weren't aligned with what the rest of your family believed or the values that the rest of your family had.

You were just, you were taught early on to distance from your desires because otherwise your desires might impact other people in a negative way. Or maybe you were raised in a household that was very,  achievement oriented where your value was expressed based on what you achieved rather than who you are. And so you never really took the time to get to know yourself because there wasn't value in that so much as there was in blindly achieving

The opposite of self compassion can look like, any behavior where we're.

taking ourselves for granted and where we're abusing our bodies or our minds or abusing our time, , our finances, all of those come into play when we are Not having enough compassion for ourselves.

And it's a similar origin story, right? When you don't have compassion for yourself, it's probably because you were taught early on  that having compassion for yourself makes you weak, or in some way, shape, or form, creates a problem between you and the other people in your life.

It threatens your sense of security 

so what's the opposite of self trust? The opposite of self trust is playing within your comfort zone. It's always making sure that you're staying safe rather than challenging yourself to grow 

wanting to. Put yourself out there in some way, but you don't trust yourself enough to handle it. Wanting to, again, have difficult conversations, but you don't trust yourself enough to represent your true needs

and that really comes from a childhood of learning or being told that we were wrong, that we're inherently going to be wrong, that someone else knows better than us, or that we're Not as smart as someone else 

I see this come up with people who had Teachers who were very actively Aggressively scolding where it's like oh if you got the answer wrong You're going to be shamed for it if you raised your hand or if you We're called on in class, which is really common, and you got the answer wrong one time. And so every time you have to spontaneously answer something, now you're looping on, I don't trust for the answer that's going to come out of my mouth, or I don't trust the decision that I'm going to make, because One time when I was eight years old, I made the wrong decision or gave the wrong answer and I had consequences for it.

That's going to create a, I don't trust myself block

so what about the opposite of resilience? The opposite of resilience looks like meeting entropy, which we talked about and quitting or meeting any kind of, you know, resistance and giving up  talking yourself out of it.

Sacrificing yourself, 

 pining after someone who maybe is not interested? those kinds of things are just universally indicative of low self worth behavior.  A lot of times I'll meet people who are. So hooked on the idea of this one person being their person. This is the one I'm gonna end up with. . It has to work out.  Meanwhile, the so called twin flame is giving every indication that they're not interested. Maybe they're not coming right out and saying it because they're afraid to for one reason or another, but they're giving every indication objectively that they're not interested.

And what the person who's so hooked on that being their person is looping on is low self worth behavior. Because that tells me you don't know yourself well enough to know why you're so hooked on this person, what the addiction is here, what the insistence is here, you know, is it abandonment issues?

What is it that's keeping you hooked on this person who's not interested? You don't have much compassion for yourself because otherwise, why would you be sticking around pining after someone who's not interested? You know what I mean? Like, if it was your friend, you would have enough compassion for them.

I hope to say, Let's be realistic about this. You don't really trust yourself obviously because you don't trust that there's more people out there for you and you don't trust yourself to go and find those romantic experiences that are much more aligned and much more ease filled and you're definitely not practicing resilience.

Because you're not learning and pivoting. You're clinging to that experience.

 And number four, resilience. This one I feel like even though all of the pillars can come under threat when we are, you know, shown an example of someone that doesn't practice these things,  resilience is especially clear when someone has never seen resilience practiced.

When someone grew up in a world where people always played it safe, where people never took risks, where people never spoke up for themselves or took chances on themselves or in some way, when a loss happened, maybe they were explosive. Maybe they were damaging in some way.

An angry father will definitely teach you not to have a certain amount of resilience because you're just going to get flooded and shut down when faced with challenge, 

so resilience can especially come up just from having examples and having witnessed times when someone else's hardships caused them to shut down rather than grow and adapt

and what's really fascinating too about, Childhood wounding and about the importance of reprogramming our subconscious that's developed in childhood is how even if you don't have trauma with a capital T, all of us have these little micro moments of experiences that taught us how to Oh, I shouldn't have compassion for myself because I'm not worthy because I'm weak because I cry.

Or  something bad happened and therefore that means give up and that means that I'm worthless and that means that I'm not good enough. All of these really seemingly small experiences, when you're brand new to this planet and your brain is a blank slate, those feel like really big experiences.

And so your subconscious block can be something that isn't necessarily like physical trauma, but is something that shaped your subconscious into believing it needed to handle situations this way because it was your first time having that experience. And therefore it built your entire neural pathway . 

It can literally be so simple as one time I lost my favorite toy. And so for the rest of forever, I am angry with myself and I don't trust myself with any object that I have. And so I destroy everything I touch because I know I can't be trusted with it. And we go into your subconscious.

We reprogram that memory and boom, suddenly you have more trust for yourself. You understand you practice compassion. You know that you did the best you could, and you didn't mean to do that. You were literally just a five year old.  But you,  start to develop this realistic lens rather than looping on the default neural pathway that says, I can't be trusted.

I'm not good enough. I'm not deserving of nice things. Instead, you get to operate on. I have compassion for myself and people make mistakes.  It's simple as that to just go in, reprogram that memory and it changes the entire course of our life because we.

From that point on loop on, I trust myself and I deserve compassion and I deserve to get to know myself better and to know how to take good care of the things I love and practice resilience where when things happen, I pivot and I learned from it.

Those are the four pillars of high self worth. Now, how do we get to that point? Well, the answer is obvious. If you've been here long enough, We reprogram our subconscious, because if something is standing in the way of telling us that we deserve to know ourselves, have compassion for ourselves, trust ourselves, and practice resilience, it's just not going to work.

And so where does high self worth behavior come into play when it comes to subconscious reprogramming?  The only way you're going to live the life that you want to be living is by practicing high self worth behavior. And the thing is, when you have looping memories or looping experiences or looping lessons that tell you, I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, all of these things that we may have picked up between zero and eight years old. You're just not going to practice high self worth behavior because at your core, you're going to believe. I'm not good enough, Louise Haye talks about this in her book as well, where she says that the core belief  most of us discover we're really looping on is I'm not enough.

I'm not lovable enough.  I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not fill in the blank enough. 

And that's why it's so, so, so important that we do the digging to get into our subconscious and neutralize those charges that say, Hey, this experience happened one time when I was six years old and forevermore, I've believed that I'm not smart enough.

We need to get in there. We need to reprogram that. We need to neutralize that emotional charge.  And from there we can start to realize like, Oh my God, I've always believed I'm not smart enough when the reality is. My neural signature says I'm really smart when it comes to oil painting.

I'm just not  when it comes to, you know, architecture, but I've always pursued an architecture degree because it's what my parents wanted me to do. And from there, once we realize,  Oh, the reason I'm not having success in architecture school is because I, this is not my neural signature.

This is not what comes true to me. This is not what comes naturally to me. Then we can start to practice high self worth. We can say, okay, cool. I know myself. Let me have enough compassion for myself to decide I deserve better. Let me trust myself enough to start making the moves to pivot towards the thing that I know comes naturally to me.

And let me practice resilience because no matter what I do in this world, things are going to be hard sometimes, but I know that every experience I'm served is an opportunity for growth.

We want to reprogram our subconscious so that we can get to a baseline level of existence so that we can practice high self worth behavior.  No baby comes to this earth not believing that they're worthy. Every baby comes to this planet. believing that they are worthy and deserving of having their needs met. That's why they cry, right? Is to tell us, hey, I have this unmet need, help me out. But eventually over time, we're conditioned into believing that we're not deserving and we just don't want to exist that way.

It doesn't feel good to exist that way. It doesn't feel good to be in a brain that's always telling us that we're not good enough, that we're not smart enough, that we're not pretty enough, that we're not whatever enough. you know, whatever your big core wound is, 

It's so important that we get to know ourselves well enough, that we get to have compassion for ourselves enough, that we trust ourselves enough, and that we practice resilience. So that we can  unlearn the conditioning we were taught and begin to exist in our authenticity. Begin to practice our neural signature.

And just watch how easy life gets. I kid you not. Life gets easier. genuinely gets easier once you reach a point where you've unlearned enough conditioning that you are just fully living in your authenticity, fully living by your intuition, trusting yourself, learning from your mistakes, and in a constant state of beautiful growth where you get to live a life like I'm living now, quite frankly, where  Every single day is aligned with who I am at my core, even though I grew up in a world that is drastically different from the life that I'm living now, like could not be more different than the life that I'm living now.

I get to be so happy and so fulfilled and so full of acceptance and love for myself that it just bubbles over into all of my friendships and all of the ways that I spend my time, you know, I just, I can't help but love every minute of life because I'm so taken care of by my number one, which is me

 At the core of it, practicing high self worth, it's a journey, just like everything else, it runs side by side with subconscious reprogramming, and we reach a point of high self worth as a default when we choose ourselves.

every single time. That doesn't mean that you don't maintain the image you want to have of yourself because you can be compassionate and have strong boundaries, and you can make difficult decisions that are still high self worth, and you can do something that breaks your heart that is at its core a high self worth decision, but you're choosing yourself.

every single time. You're choosing what's best for you, you're choosing the best possible outcome for you, you're choosing your happiness, you're choosing your wellness, you're choosing your wholeness, you're choosing you. And there is nothing on this planet that feels better than feeling chosen, that feels better than feeling prioritized.

 What's beautiful is that our brains don't really know the difference between that experience coming from outside of us or within us. And if the person you're spending the most time with you  isn't looping on high self worth, you know, it's not going to feel particularly good. And that's why it's just so important that we all practice this as we can.

Reach that high self worth point where we are just overflowing with love because of how much we're showing love to ourselves and we're overflowing with inspiration because of how much we're feeding ourselves the things that are so deeply aligned. 

So that's the four pillars, the four steps to unshakable self worth.

 Knowing yourself, self compassion, self trust, and resilience. And I'm really excited for you guys to start practicing these. I would love, love, love to hear from you about your unlearning journey, what's coming up for you. Where you might have barriers to any of those four pillars Because if you're not practicing high self worth right now, I can guarantee there's going to be some subconscious blocks around those four I just would love to hear what's coming up for you.

What blocks you're encountering? What triggering situations you're encountering? And you can either send me a text by using the link in the show notes or just send me a dm on instagram I'd love to hear from you and Everything that's coming up in your reality. It also just helps feed my content process because if it's happening for you, it's probably happening for others.

And you know the longer we go through this the more our energies are going to become intertwined enough that the community's direction is going to start moving in similar matching ways I've seen it time and time again, and it's honestly the coolest thing ever. So Please don't be shy. 

And last little thing to tell you about, I have a membership I'm building that's going to make subconscious reprogramming so easy for everyone. And it's going to have different modules around different topics on reparenting unlearning .  It's Going to be so epic and so filled with really, useful tools, all based around neuroscience, modern psychology, and the tools that I've used over the last four years of doing this, the different journaling prompts that I use, things like that. It's just going to be so loaded with tools for you and a community group, all the works.  It's taking me a bit of time to build because I am building it on my own. But it's coming soon. So  I urge you to visit either  art of unlearning dot me slash unlearning academy or just click the link in my bio or in the show notes and add your email to the, subscriber list that I specifically have there. Because when this launches, it's going to be absolutely life changing.

Like I, I cannot tell you how excited I am. It is so perfectly everything I wish I had had when I started this journey, everything I had to cobble together through all of these different sources online, it's just going to be so cool and so epic and so life changing and just give you shortcuts to unlearning all of these different topics that are going to serve you in practicing high self worth behavior.

And the last little bit of housekeeping here is I'm going to start, releasing these podcasts weekly rather than bi weekly. So if you haven't already hit that subscribe button, it's going to be coming in way more frequently. And there's just, there's so many things to cover. So also if you have any specific questions that you want answered on here, please send them on over in a text and you can find that in the show notes.

All right guys, that's it for this week. Thanks for listening. See you next week. Bye.