Episode 35 - Paul Berry: Your Past Doesn't Define Your Future

From the moment Paul begins sharing his story, you can feel the weight of his journey and the lightness that comes from true transformation. Born in North London to a hardworking taxi driver father and stay-at-home mother, Paul recalls a relatively happy childhood despite modest means. Everything shifted when his parents separated when he was 11. In an unusual arrangement for the time, his mother moved out while his father retained custody with help from Paul's grandmother. 

This thrust young Paul into a protective role for his younger siblings, especially when facing bullies on the way home from school. But the defining tragedy struck at 19, when Paul and his brother returned home one day to discover their father had taken his own life. The devastating impact cannot be overstated. Suddenly responsible for his family, managing legal matters, and processing overwhelming grief, Paul transformed into someone unrecognizable even to himself. 

Anger became his constant companion and trust evaporated. For 13 years, he cut off all communication with his mother and he followed in his father's footsteps as a London taxi driver, poignantly describing his cab as "my black coffin, with my back to the world", a physical manifestation of his emotional isolation.

Transformation arrived unexpectedly through a personal development program that created space for Paul to articulate his pain for the first time. In that vulnerable environment, he challenged his self-blame and reconnected with his mother after those 13 silent years. The impact was so profound that Paul dedicated the next 25 years to leading similar transformational experiences for others, working with approximately 100,000 people worldwide.

Today, Paul coaches business owners who find themselves trapped working in their businesses rather than on them. Drawing from his extraordinary life journey, he helps them improve not just productivity but overall wellbeing, understanding that workplace satisfaction directly impacts relationships, family life and personal fulfillment.

Paul's story powerfully reminds us that while past traumas shape us, they need not define us. As he says, "We don't have to get stuck with what's actually happened in the past. We can have a completely different way of relating to it and be free to be ourselves." Ready to transform your relationship with your past? This episode offers both inspiration and practical wisdom for your journey.

You can connect with Paul on

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Everyday Warriors podcast
• 2:02 Paul's childhood in North London
• 8:21 Family changes after parents' separation
• 15:22 Tragedy strikes: discovering father's suicide
• 24:27 Life after loss: anger and isolation
• 30:41 Transformation through personal development
• 42:08 New career helping others transform
• 48:51 Current work with business owners

Transcript

Trudie Marie: 0:01

Welcome to the Everyday Warriors podcast, the perfect space to speak my truth and dive into deep conversations with others. This podcast is about celebrating everyday warriors, the people who face life's challenges head on, breaking through obstacles to build resilience, strength and courage. Join me, your host, trudy Marie, as I sit down with inspiring individuals who have fought their own battles and emerged stronger, sharing raw, real and authentic stories in a safe space, allowing you to explore, question and find your own path to new possibilities. Let us all embrace the warrior within and realise that, while no one is walking in your shoes, others are on this same path, journeying through life together. Please note that the following podcast may contain discussions or topics that could be triggering or distressing for some listeners. I aim to provide informative and supportive content, but understand that certain things may evoke strong emotions or memories. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in need of support while listening, I encourage you to pause the podcast and take a break. Remember that it is okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance from trained professionals. There is no shame in this. In fact, it is the first brave step to healing. If you require immediate support, please consider reaching out to Lifeline on 13, 11, 14 or a crisis intervention service in your area. Thank you for listening and please take care of yourself as you engage with the content of this podcast.

Trudie Marie: 2:01

Love the Everyday Worriers podcast. It would mean the world to me if you were to leave a five-star review to ensure that the Everyday Warriors podcast is heard by more listeners around the world. You can also support the show for as little as $5 with a one-time donation or by becoming a monthly subscriber. Your contribution helps me to continue bringing you inspiring stories of everyday warriors who overcome challenges to find strength, resilience and new possibilities in life. Head to the link to buy me a coffee and fuel the next episode. Every bit counts. Every bit counts.

Trudie Marie: 2:46

If you're looking for an inspiring story of resilience, healing and rediscovering yourself, then my book Everyday Warrior From Frontline to Freedom is for you. It is my memoir of hiking the 1,000 kilometre Bibbulmun Track, a journey that was as much about finding my way back to myself as it was about conquering the trail through the highs and lows and everything in between. This book is taken from my journals and is my raw and honest experience of overcoming trauma and embracing the strength within. Grab your copy now. Just head to the link in the show notes and let's take this journey together. Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Warriors podcast, and today I have a what I would like to refer to as a special guest with me. I first met this gentleman as a leader in a personal development course I was going through, and he has led this particular program around the world in multiple different languages, multiple different countries, and has impacted hundreds, thousands, if not tens of thousands, of people around the world. So it is an absolute honour to have my guest today from Melbourne. Welcome, paul.

Paul: 4:09

It's great, Trudie. Thank you very much. Great to be here.

Trudie Marie: 4:12

No, thank you so much. It is really an honour to have you on board because I think you have such an incredible story to share, and I only know part of that from what I've learnt about you over the years of working in that space. So I believe you sort of had this childhood like you're actually English, so even though you live in Melbourne now, you are from the mother country. Yeah, like, what was it like growing up in England?

Paul: 4:40

Yeah, well, I grew up in London and I lived in North London, so a place called Highgate and for people who are familiar with London, as we spell it, n-o-r-f. North London and I'm an avid Tottenham Hotspur supporter. So I'm thrilled at the moment that we won the Europa Cup final, beat man United 1-0. First time in 17 years that we'd actually won any silverware, so it's made a big difference. So you know, and football is like a religion in the UK and you're either Tottenham or you're Arsenal. If you live in North London, you know.

Trudie Marie: 5:25

Fair enough, my son is a Liverpool supporter.

Paul: 5:28

Oh well, you know, there you go. So let's see, I'm the eldest of three. There's a 14-month difference between myself and my brother and five years between my sister and myself. You know, we grew up in London. My dad was a London taxi driver, so he drove one of those black cabs and he worked really hard. He did about 16 hours most days and he'd do seven days a week. You know, my mum was a stay-at-home mum and brought us up and you know we were a pretty regular family in a lot of respects. While we didn't have a lot of money we weren't poor, you know but my dad did his best to provide for us. He wanted us to have a great education, which he did a really good job of. He had a very powerful, strong work ethic. And you know, know my mum, she did what mums did. You know, she kind of made sure we're all fed and clothed and clean and you know they work together in a partnership to really give us the best opportunity.

Paul: 6:38

I love that yeah, you know, and uh, you know, when I look back at my childhood, there just weren't. I think the unhappiest memory I have was finding out the action man I got for christmas that I'd wanted forever had come from somebody else. I knew, you know, like I was, for some reason I was really disappointed that it hadn't come from the shop. But you know, so that's a pretty good thing if that's the only kind of disappointment when I look back. You know we holidayed in Spain, which was the done thing, and we'd have two weeks as a family and you know it was just. We've got videos of us there taking it on a cine camera and you know some great memories. The funniest thing is my brother and I somehow found a bottle of wine on the beach I don't know whose chair it was under and we drank it and we obviously got very drunk and we had to be off and I sort of remember that a little bit but you know very fond memories and um you know what I would consider a good, well-balanced childhood.

Trudie Marie: 7:45

That's really nice to hear, because obviously that doesn't happen for everybody and the fact that you get to do that is really quite special. But then something like tragedy struck your family and that all changed.

Paul: 7:58

Yeah, I think the first thing, which really wasn't very impactful at the time because of my age I was 11 and my brother was 10 and my sister was six was I remember my mum and dad sitting us down and, as best as I can recollect, matter of factly, saying you know something along the lines of uh, you know, mummy and daddy do love each other, but we're not going to live together in the same house anymore and mummy's going to be moving to another house. Now it's very confusing for me and I do actually remember it quite vividly. But my mum says to me you know, when she they said do you have any questions? I said can I go and play on my bike now? So I think I was a little bit too young to really grasp the reality of what was being presented, but it did change things for sure. So my grandmother bless her, which was my dad's mum moved in to live with us and she was 70. And she really took over a lot of things my mum had been doing only with an 11-year-old a 10-year-old and a six-year-old and you know I don't in any way want to sound like I'm sliding my mum In those days it was kind of very normal for the father to leave and the mother to stay.

Paul: 9:24

But in this situation, I mean, I didn't have anything to compare it with, other than when I got older and I look back. But people said, oh, what kind of mother would leave her children 11, 10 and 6? Well, age is a wonderful thing because you get some wisdom and you also kind of have some life experiences and you kind of realise we're all human and when something's not working, you continue with it not working, to the detriment of maybe the family, or do you call time on it and try to work it out as best you can. And they did. They called time on it and they did work it out. I mean, I never knew there was anything wrong between my mum and my dad until they sat us down that day, which was a testament to how well they kept it away from us, didn't get it on us and although my mum moved out and my grandmother did move in and things obviously did change there was 60 years between me and my grandmother my, my dad's love for us and commitment to us never changed. I just didn't see my mum as much as I had before, but I never complained about anything.

Paul: 10:37

Um, we walked to school instead of being driven to school. We walked home, things did change and unfortunately the uniform was a bright orange cap, bright orange blazer and blue corduroy shorts, which, as we now got into our teenage years so I was just touching 13, my brother was just touching 12. We stood out with the other kids a little bit, so walking home got precarious because some of the kids not from that school, you know would see the bright orange blazer and, you know, being teenagers, they'd kind of jump us and then there'd be fisticuffs. We never really were brought up to be sort of fighters or anything. There was no need for it.

Paul: 11:27

But anyway, there did come a point where it was a turning curve for me, where I remember this day where they held me down and they beat my brother up and that, for me, triggered something in me that I hadn't had triggered before, which was I couldn't do anything about it and I wasn't going to let that happen ever again. So the next time they were there, it didn't happen ever again, but I started to become someone I had not known myself to be. You know, I would stand up for myself and I'd stand up for my family.

Trudie Marie: 12:04

Yeah, I just want to acknowledge you for for that change in life. I mean, divorce and separation is a hard thing for any child to go through, no matter what age, and society does have its norms of what is right and wrong, even in that messy situation. And I love what you brought up about the fact that if something's not working, why do we continue doing it? Just because society as a whole said we should Like there is no should, but then you discovering inside of that that you had to almost be this protector of your family and look after your brother, I mean that's a massive change.

Paul: 12:46

Yeah, it was. It was a growing up in some ways, because I hadn't really realised that, with my dad being at work 16 hours a day and my grandmother being 70 and my brother being, you know, 14 months younger and my sister five years, I really was the head of the household and I just it kind of dawned on me that day that nobody's coming to protect me or him, but let alone him.

Trudie Marie: 13:14

So it was a uh, I suppose in some ways a transformational experience for myself, where I kind of stopped being, uh, a teenager and became a bit more adult and that's a young age to do that and then when you fast forward a few years and enter the next tragedy like that would have almost like snowballed in your responsibility yeah, well, I mean, you know, in between that time my father, like I said, was committed.

Paul: 13:42

We had a great education and we went to boarding school all three of us and we were very lucky that the schools all pretty much sponsored us because my father couldn't afford it. But we showed a lot of potential in areas anyway. So I'm a boarding school with my brother, my sister's at another boarding school, you know, and that just kind of really, I suppose, forged that independence, but also that kind of I was looking over my shoulder, how's my brother doing? You know he's my little brother. Now I never got it always right with him because you know, little brothers don't like big brothers telling them what to do all the time.

Trudie Marie: 14:22

I have three younger sisters, so I know that feeling.

Paul: 14:26

So I never got it right all the time, but I always did it from a good heart. And then I remember so I was. I stayed at school. We do O-levels and A-levels, so I was about, let's see, because I was one of the older ones in the class, because the way it all works, you end up with your birthday being a certain time and you're one of the older people in that class, I was one of those, so I left school.

Paul: 14:48

When I was 19 and I was ready to leave school, I wanted to get a job, I wanted to support my dad financially and I came home and I think within a few weeks I'd started training to be a quantity surveyor and off I went to work in my new suit and my nan told me how proud my dad was and you know he wouldn't take any money from me. But I wanted to stand on my own two feet and my brother and sister were still away at sporting's boarding school. But I think about three months of being at home and I had a close relationship with my grandmother and I said something wasn't right and I said to her she said, oh, your dad's just tired, he's working a lot. But then I became much more aware that something didn't seem right. And then I'd sort of get up when he came in from night shift at four in the morning and sit with him. Anyway, I got quite concerned because I couldn't put my finger on it, I didn't have any life experience. And then, you know, I went out one day with my brother to get my hair cut. It was the school holidays and you know, for those of you listening, look, I just want you to know I'm about to share something that could be potentially triggering for people. It's not my intention to do that, obviously, but I also want to be transparent.

Paul: 16:08

Uh, in the probably the 45 minutes we were out that day, my father took his life at home and, of course, we came home and we both found him and that really was a. We came home and we both found him, and that really was a complete alteration in my experience of myself, my experience of life, and I changed I you know, after that it really was on me. We had to sell the house, we had to relocate back to my grandmother's, there was a whole load of stuff to deal with from legal perspective, from an emotional perspective, a family dynamic, I mean, you just name it. It was I. I was like, okay, I'm gonna make sure we do it and we're gonna relocate and we're all gonna stick together as a family. And we did, you know.

Paul: 16:55

But I definitely wasn't the same person. You know, I was very distrustful of people, very wary. I could see red, you know, like an aspect of me that was really angry, that I didn't know what to do with, could sometimes get expressed if I thought my family were threatened. But part of me really died that day because, you know, I'd lost the person who was everything to me and look.

Trudie Marie: 17:23

it's such a tough topic dealing with the loss of a parent, let alone a loss of the parent at their own hands, and when you're so young and you've already taken on this responsibility of I have to look after my family because my dad's hardworking, my mom's left. I'm now, you know, with my grandmother, who's elderly, and now there is no. If so, maybe whatever, it is all up to you now, because you know there is no other parent there to step in. You know there is no other parent there to step in. I mean, were you grateful at the time that you had already built up this relationship since your mum leaving and your grandmother moving in, that that was your one comfort in the fact that you had to move back to her place? But already having that existing relationship with her made it somewhat easier.

Paul: 18:17

With my grandmother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean my grandmother was amazing. She went through the blitz. Her house was one of a few that didn't get bombed in the war. She went through rationing for my dad. She would do anything for my dad.

Paul: 18:32

So on one hand well, on one side, it was absolutely devastating for her, me, my brother, my sister and at the same time, um, that loyalty, that family dynamic, was impregnable. So when I moved with my nan, I mean we got very, very close. I mean we all adored her and we still do. I mean, though, she's passed away, you know we all adored her. She was a, she was just a rock and we worked through a lot of things together and I got very close to her as a result of it and she with me. We did definitely. And you know my brother, it was different for him because he went back to school. My sister went back to school. I was there. So you know that close proximity with her every day surveyor. And you know my mum, even though she wasn't there and she'd moved overseas, you know I called her. I had a very difficult decisions to make and I called her and I needed her ear about things. You know she was still important for me for that.

Trudie Marie: 19:54

That's really good that you were able to maintain a relationship with both women in your life at the time, both your grandmother, who you were living with, and your mother remotely, uh, to help get you through that period. So how was life post losing your dad? You obviously said that changed your life dramatically. So how did that evolve?

Paul: 20:17

well, first of all I had. I was the only one who was going to be earning any money, so I literally had to leave the career I was in. Why? Because not because of the money, but because I just needed to be on the post and I couldn't have the restrictions of a nine to five job. So I went on the knowledge to be a london taxi driver and my dad obviously had been one and I didn't plan to be.

Paul: 20:41

So how it changed is I changed my career and I spent three years studying and being examined on the streets of London and being able to say the whole thing.

Paul: 20:52

And until you know, you're at a point where you can just see the whole of London and you can be asked any question and you could just say where it is a, where b is, and then you can say every the whole of London and you can be asked any question and you could just say where it is, where B is, and then you can say every street on the way.

Paul: 21:04

And then I got my badge in 1988, which was a real relief for me, because then I had a job now that I was the boss of and I could provide for my family. That was a major, major consideration. However, the downside of it all was my relationship with my mum deteriorated and it was all on me, all that anger that had been kind of pushed down while you're trying to resolve things, move, deal with legal stuff, and you're pushing it all down for the greater good, if you like. Once that all happened and once I'd kind of got my badge and you know the 16 hours a day, seven days a week of studying and exams and everything was gone. All the anger came up and I directed it towards my mum and I just literally stopped talking to her and I didn't talk to my mum for 13 years after that.

Trudie Marie: 22:01

Wow.

Paul: 22:02

Yeah, it was very vicious and very nasty and painful for her because she never stopped loving us. But I took my love away, and I'd really taken my love away from people and from life, because all of it was there. I didn't know how to hold it, I didn't know what was going on. It just suddenly, all this emotion and all this anger and distrust of people arrived and there I was, sitting in a London taxi, which I called my black coffin, with my back to the world, with plate glass window between me and them so you couldn't smash it. I mean, I literally turned my back on the world and I had a job that expressed it.

Trudie Marie: 22:45

Wow, I just that analogy alone of like one you called it the black coffin. Two you're sitting in the front with this plate, glass between, and you literally have your back to the rest of the world because all your passengers are getting in behind you, like just hearing that and how life must have been, yeah, that's, that's a powerful visual, like for me. My listeners will probably be the same, but I can I really get how it must have been for you at that time oh yeah, I had zero interest in people, so my relationships with women didn't work at all.

Paul: 23:22

It wasn't very fair on them. They suffered a lot in it because I wasn't available. I was very lucky to have people who tried to persevere, to break through, but they were never going to. And people think cab drivers are really chatty people, but you know this cab driver was sitting there and you can't really hear most of what people say anyway, and very little of the conversation is anything more than transient and I mean I think probably five percent of the conversations you have have some kind of substance to them or some quality to them. So yeah, 16 hours a day sitting in that thing with just your brain going over and over and over about all the things that you don't want to be going over and over and over.

Trudie Marie: 24:15

So, given that that's not the person I'm talking to today, what was the changing point for you to get out of that dark space?

Paul: 24:25

yeah, well, I was very lucky that you know one of my ex-girlfriends who became my, my dearest friend. You know she did a uh, transformational program called the forum and she was just like you have to do it, you have do it, and I was obviously a tough nut to crack. I wasn't not an easy sell but at some point I experienced how much she really cared about me and I'm kind of she just got through. So I did it and it was life altering. Like you know everything I've told you about who I was, literally the circumstances didn't change, but my relationship with the circumstances completely altered. It was like I went from being angry and resentful and distrusting and wondering why on earth I was here and what I was going to do with the rest of my life, because it was fundamentally dissatisfying.

Paul: 25:24

So, literally doing things in that program I'd never been able to do, like talk about my dad. I never talked about my dad and never talked about what happened to anybody, not even my brother or my sister, and I was able to be in a room with 150 people and be able to talk about it and it took an enormous amount of courage for me to do it. But the environment in the forum and people's courage to do their version just opened up this real safe space that I just don't think I'd ever experienced. I saw that I blamed myself, that I should have stayed at home, it was my fault that he did it and got that. That's actually one interpretation I could have. It's just not the truth. The truth was he did and he always will have done that, and my relationship with what happened and how I view myself and him and people was really of my making.

Trudie Marie: 26:20

Just didn't have to be that way yeah, and I think that's something that all of us forget is that there is always two sides to a story. There's the truth somewhere in the middle and it's people's perceptions of what's occurring, and everybody I mean you get like you said, there's 150 people in a room listening to say you speak, but every single person will have a different perception based on their own experience, and if we can remember that, then life changes around us literally yeah, I mean it's very difficult conceptually.

Paul: 26:57

Everybody understands. Well, I have an interpretation. I mean you take a glass of water and the water is in the middle. Is it half full or half empty? The only thing is that in that program there is a process where you go through challenging your view, mean it gets presented to be challenged, it provokes you. But that authentic inquiry, that challenging, is what allows you to really see where you've landed and whether it's a truthful fit or and a fit for you. And where I landed wasn't a truthful fit and it certainly wasn't a truthful fit for me to go through my life blaming myself that I went to get my hair cut and if I hadn't, my father wouldn't have taken his life. Wasn't true, first of all. And it certainly wasn't a fit for the kind of way I wanted to live my life or the way I wanted to relate to my dad such a powerful acknowledgement of who you are and who you've been.

Paul: 28:10

Yeah Well, I mean it takes courage because I had to give up in the process, blaming my mum because that was I saw a really good payoff that if I blamed her for not being there, if she'd have been a better mother, if she'd have been a better wife by the way, I'm not saying this, but that's how it lived for me as a child it would yeah, and as a teenager and even as a young man, I'd had years of propagating that view.

Paul: 28:42

Yeah, if she'd have been a better mother, if she'd been a better wife and she stayed, maybe my dad wouldn't have done that, you know, and what kind of? And unfortunately, get other people's opinions that seem to fuel your opinion, their acts to grind about something and I end up in a world anyway in the forum. I wrote a letter to my dad, which was one of the most massive things I've done in my life, because all the emotion that I'd suppressed came flooding up and I would rather be in a fight with a bigger person than you know express my emotions. But I did and it was transformational. I mean, I got it all out. I was able to. I was left being able to let my dad be. Okay, it's what happened, I get it all out. I was able to. I was left being able to let my dad be it. Okay, it's what happened, I get it.

Trudie Marie: 29:38

It's not going to undo anytime soon. Yeah, and I think that's a really important thing to note as well, is that what happens to us in the past cannot be changed. It doesn't matter how much we go revisit it or think we should or could have done something different. It's not going to change what's already happened. All we can change is what we do, moving forward.

Paul: 30:00

Yeah, once that actually gets discovered, and I think it's important. You know you can read a lot of things in books so you get a little knowledge, but when you discover it for yourself, what you discover uses you. So I didn't just go out of the forum with more knowledge. I came out complete. I completed the anger towards my mum. In fact, in that forum I called her and I only spoke to her for five minutes, but it was the best five minutes of both of our lives. For a long time transformed our relationship. Let's see, I was 33 when I did the forum. I'm 61 now. So what's that? 28 years? We have just the most exquisite relationship from that day.

Trudie Marie: 30:44

And this is after 13 years of not talking to her.

Paul: 30:48

Yeah, literally by the third day of the forum. Yeah, it was one of the. I mean, I've lived in the jungle, I've walked over hot coals, I've done some things, but I've never done anything that's been so life-altering and transformational. I went in one person, this angry, distrustful, unavailable, angry, distrustful, unavailable, emotionally human being, and I walked out with the sun shining out of my eyes, with a love for life and a love for people and a real passion. I discovered that I didn't have that. I want to contribute to people and it was that vision I had and that possibility that it just got all that other stuff out of the way and my life became about.

Trudie Marie: 31:37

I mean, I remember thinking I'm going to do this, I'm going to leave this forum, I'm going to make this available to people and literally that's what happened, because it changed your whole, not only your whole life, but your career in that life of how you did contribute to people yeah, I did.

Paul: 31:54

I mean, after doing the forum in 98, I spent five years being trained. Uh, it was intense, it was rigorous. I gave up my career, I completely transitioned into the training and the training was extraordinarily demanding but extraordinarily powerful. Uh, every day of your life and uh, not many people get to be a forum leader. Lots of people say they want to be one. It's high level. I became a forum leader and uh had the privilege of traveling around the world leading the forum and then the advanced course and then other programs and then becoming more senior in the enterprise and, you know, having accountabilities for some of our major offerings around the world. World, and uh, it's interesting and as I'm sharing it with you, trudy, and with you the people listening, it's uh, while there's reoccurrences of that person that I was before that do pop up. You know, if my wife, you know, sends out an invoice and it's wrong, there is a propensity for me to crack it we're human at the end of the day that's right.

Paul: 33:11

I don't want to profess that I levitate and walk on water and you know, I, I am a human being and I'm a humanity, but there's such kind of powerful creation of, uh, something distinct from the way I ended up. That uses me and you know, I think, um, I just some people think, oh, I'll never be able to get over this, or I'll never be able to deal with that. I'll never be any different. I just like to say, uh, I have discovered, and there's nothing unique about me, I didn't excel academically. Academically, you know, I was a reasonably okay sports person. But we just don't have to get stuck with what's actually happened in the past. We can have a completely different way of relating to it and be free to be ourselves.

Trudie Marie: 34:04

I think that's such a beautiful thing to like really reflect on. Because just going back to that analogy where you said thing to like really reflect on, because just going back to that analogy where you said you literally turned your back on the world, you're doing 16 hours a day in a taxi barely speaking to the passengers other than to like, where are you going to now being able to stand up in a room full of you know hundreds, if not thousands of people leading a program and totally being with people. I mean that's a transformation just in itself, with those two like spaces you were in.

Paul: 34:40

So you are proof that you don't have to be your circumstances yeah, and there's many people who are proof of it, as, as I think you know, the number of people that participate in the forum in excess of three and a half million people from all walks of life. Certainly, when I led the forum, which I did for 19 years and I was a staff member for 23 and led programs for 25 years 25 years of a 61 year old's life, you know which? My working life started at 20, so it was a significant part of my life and the most challenging and rewarding and there was nothing special about me, you know. And then I see people who are academics, olympic champions, people from all walks of life and people who've got so much money that we think, if I just had a percentage of that.

Paul: 35:33

But there's one thing we all have in common is there are things that have happened in our lives that have had a profound impact on us, some the more traumatic, like I shared, but some not necessarily as traumatic. Traumatic, you know, being jilted by a partner when you're young, or not getting into the footy team or the netball team, or someone said something and teased you at school, or maybe you just felt you came from a different culture and didn't fit in, and so on and so forth. You know, those incidents we can interpret in a very disempowering way.

Trudie Marie: 36:14

I can totally relate to that, even with my recent happenings in my life, experiencing post-traumatic stress is that when people think of trauma, they almost go to the worst case scenario and think it has to be this big, impactful, like very you know whoa moment. But it's those small things, or the culmination of small things on a repeated basis, that actually have you warp for want of a better word your sense of perception of how the world is or isn't, and how you behave in those circumstances. So I think it's it's really important for people to go like. Trauma itself is not necessarily yet this big monster of a thing. It's those small, subtle changes of how people view life yeah, I, I mean, I'll make it real.

Paul: 37:09

There was an Olympic gold medalist in one of my programs and I won't say too much about what it was that they won or their name because of confidentiality, but he recalled, when he was about nine and he was participating in this particular sport, that his dad from his recollection, which became his reality, was you'll never be any good at it, do something else. And then he said to himself I'll show you. And he spent the rest of his life becoming the best he could be, which culminated in winning a gold medal, and wondered why. He stood on the podium with millions of people watching him and felt elated, at the same time deflated, and what he got back to was very simple His life was about proving his dad was wrong. I'll show you. So, no matter what he accomplished, it was always on top of that.

Trudie Marie: 38:03

And I think we could all relate to that in some way that there's somebody somewhere along the line. I know for myself. I was told by a senior constable who we used to live next door to that being a police officer was not a female job and I stuck with that for years and years and years and I watched people, I watched friends people. I went to school with friends of the family all graduate. I went to school with friends of the family all graduate. I went to those police graduations and it took me doing this program and actually turning 40 that I was like no, no one's going to tell me anymore what I can and can't do, and so I became that police officer and ultimately you know, circumstances changed that and that's no longer part of my life. But I believe it's just a journey I needed to be on at the time to prove to myself that I was capable of doing it before I go on and do the next thing yeah, well, that that's very powerful.

Paul: 39:00

I mean, it was the same for this gentleman. In that break. He phoned his dad for the first time in many years and literally the same as me with my mum was only a few minutes. But he said you know, I always thought that you never thought I was going to turn out or be any good, and I've been out to prove to you that I was. And his dad had no recollection of saying that. But then he found out his dad had kept every cutting from every event that he had participated in and won something. And he said to him you know, I want you to know that watching you win the gold medal was one of the proudest days of my life and I cried and cried and cried with pride. And when he came back in the room he ran to the microphone and he just bawled his eyes out and he said I want you to know I've won a gold medal. I coached someone to win a gold medal and I would give you those two gold medals immediately to have that conversation I just had with my dad.

Paul: 40:02

And that for me, trudy, really is ultimately where I kind of ended up, you know, being the kind of person on the planet. Well, like I said, I haven't got it all together. I have my moments, you know, although they're significantly less than they ever used to be in the past. But what I discovered is, yeah, I created, look, I'm on this planet and I'm going to live as long as I live. I don't know how long that will be, but I do have, all the same, what I want my life to be about, and I want it to be one that contributes, and I want it to be one that can make a difference, because if somebody hadn't, you know, did that with me and there hadn't been people who were doing it all over the world to make it available for the people in that room, we'd be having a very different conversation.

Trudie Marie: 40:54

Oh, definitely.

Paul: 40:56

You know so, and then you know I you could say, retired from being a forum leader in October last year and it was a magical aspect of my life last year and it was a magical aspect of my life worked with about a hundred thousand people. All walks of life, of course, is sometimes had. I remember thailand. I led translated with 547 people. It was like about a thousand people there tuesday night when all the friends and family, I was this tiny little thing on the stage, you know, and they had a big screen, people, 50 people and some of the smaller ones, and, um, that part of my life is precious to me and I owe a lot to what I, the skill sets I had, and I, you know, literally took some time and the phone started ringing and there was another calling.

Paul: 41:50

I still want to contribute, I still want to make a difference, but then, you know, I really kind of created well, I'm going to work with business owners who find themselves so in the business that they can't work on the business and I've got loads of skill sets that I can provide. And all of a sudden, the next iteration of my life took off, and then someone asked me to train their staff. So I designed and delivered a three-month training, which was brilliant. I loved it because it was working with people, you know. So that's what I do now I work with business owners to really support their productivity and impact their well-being, because they get so stuck into hours and hours and I think it's very important so I'm able to really support people and being able to step from in the business to being on the business and really have power and freedom and impact their well-being.

Paul: 42:45

And then training and developing teams so they can communicate really effectively and there's a partnership and a collaboration, not silos, where people kind of are worried about, you know, saying something or being blamed. And it's those people who are business owners, most of them. It doesn't matter whether they identify as men or women. Most of my clients identify as one of those two genders and I have, you know, both genders working with me. But they have relationships and have children some of them, and they have family and they have friends, and how they experience their workplace has a lot to do with the quality of their life.

Trudie Marie: 43:29

I think that's a really important point to note, and what you said about people work in their business and not on their business like so many small to medium business owners are actually spending their life actually working in the business and then they don't get to work on it, and then how it affects them. Working in the business then does affect the relationships of staff, the relationships with their families at home, their home life, their work-life balance like it's all such a big bowl of soup is how I want to describe it is that there's no one single component that makes up that person's life. It's as a whole, and if you're then able to come in and show people how they can actually better blend all those ingredients to make it a successful, empowering life to live, then that's a perfect place like position for you to be in yeah, where it is.

Paul: 44:22

You know, think about the people I have the privilege of working with and the environments where I work and look how it was when we started and how it is now unimaginable things happen for those of my clients and the teams I work with. But the thing that's most rewarding is that the people I work with and it's very important for me is that they know themselves as that confident and capable and happy and able to deal and create kind of anything they want human being. So they, they go home and they're just happier to play with their kids rather than sit on their uh, social media or people going to work a bit earlier in a team, for example, because they want to kind of have coffee with each other and create the day. And meetings are intentional and last 10 minutes and people saying I said I'd do this, but I didn't do that and I'm going to handle that today and this is what I'm creating. You know it's very different, very rewarding.

Trudie Marie: 45:29

I can imagine it would be rewarding and I will pop all the links to your new business like with your social media pages, your website, so that people can connect with you if they see themselves as that business owner who is working in their business instead of on it and can literally transform not only their business but their lives around that as well.

Paul: 45:51

Yeah, I mean business owners, senior managers, people who are in a business and they have a role to play there and they're courageous enough to acknowledge that maybe it's not going as well as they'd like it to, because sometimes people think, oh, if I have a coach work with me, it means there's something wrong with me. Well, try telling that to most of the elite performers in the world.

Trudie Marie: 46:19

A hundred percent.

Paul: 46:20

And the other thing about coaching as well is people think, oh, most coaches tell you and they give you tips and strategies. I don't. I think that's not the most powerful form of coaching.

Trudie Marie: 46:31

I tend to agree. That's the way I coach. It's not about telling people what to do, it's having them come up with their own answers.

Paul: 46:38

Yeah, so there's certain questions I can ask and there are things I can hear that you can't hear, and that's what makes it invigorating for all involved. So, yeah, that's me.

Trudie Marie: 46:48

I love that. It's an exciting future ahead. Like you said, you feel like you've semi-retired at 61, but I think there is many more years left of you being able to contribute to those around you in whatever form that takes.

Paul: 47:03

Yeah, there definitely is, and as long as I've got a breath, I will use it and service them something worthwhile.

Trudie Marie: 47:11

I love that and I just I want to thank you so much for reaching out to me, for appearing on the podcast and sharing your wisdom with us all. I think my listeners will definitely walk away with a different perspective on how to live their lives.

Paul: 47:27

Yeah, and I appreciate that and I appreciate your acknowledgement and I do get it and I want to give one back to you. You see, without you creating this medium and putting yourself in the front line, because people can listen to podcasts and judge and assess, I mean that's easy. But I appreciate what you're up to and I appreciate the commitment you have to make something aware for people that maybe they were unaware of. That could make a difference. And this medium is a powerful way to do it and I appreciate what it took for you to do that, what it takes you to do that and the heart and soul you put into it me to do that, and the heart and soul you put into it.

Trudie Marie: 48:12

Thank you, that's exactly what my podcast is about oh great, I always finish the episode by asking what is the one thing you are most grateful for today?

Paul: 48:21

oh gosh, when you said the one thing, I don't know it might sound a little bit kind of cliche, but how I know it must be that is because I'm moved by it and it's the love that I have from people around me and the listening that I have of people to be able to express my love for them.

Trudie Marie: 48:48

Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday Warriors podcast. If you have an idea for a future episode or a story you'd like to share yourself, then please reach out and message me, as I am always up for real, raw and authentic conversations with other Everyday Warriors. Also, be sure to subscribe so that you can download all the latest episodes as they are published and spread the word to your family and friends and colleagues so they can listen in too. If you're sharing on social media, please be sure to tag me so that I can personally acknowledge you. I'm always open to comment about how these episodes have resonated with you, the listener. And remember lead with love as you live this one wild and precious life.