Episode 42 - Daylene Robinson: Rising from the Ashes

Some stories start with a roadmap. Ours begins on the side of a highway, smoke from a sliced radiator curling into the night while Dayelene and her son lie on a picnic rug, laughing at the chaos and choosing to keep moving. 

From Airlie Beach’s endless summer to Victoria’s four seasons in a day, this is a candid journey through starting over, co‑parenting after domestic violence and learning how to let go of identities that no longer fit.

Dayelene is a single mum who rebuilt life twice, first for safety, then for alignment. She opens up about the hidden cost of coercive control, the slow burn of CPTSD and what it took to find grounding when anxiety kept hunting for the next storm. We talk safety planning and court hurdles, the sting of rental shortages, sneaking a beloved dog into motels on a state-spanning drive and the moment she realised that “old ways don’t open new doors.” 

There’s no gloss here, just the real, repetitive work of recovery and the honest truth that relapse and repair can live in the same week. The conversation leans into practical tools including EMDR and therapy, daily systems that respect limited capacity, ten-minute walks that restart the day, food that steadies the mind and hobbies that reignite confidence. We unpack how to stop replicating yesterday’s life in today’s context, how to choose connection over isolation and how to teach kids resilience by letting them see you break and rise. 

We also share what’s next for Dayelene, finishing a body–mind practitioner qualification, stepping fully into trauma‑informed coaching and launching a free community event in Geelong with breath work, meditation and open‑armed connection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck between survival and growth, this episode offers hope you can hold and steps you can actually take. Subscribe, share with someone who needs a steady voice, and leave a review to help more Everyday Warriors find their way back to themselves.

Connect with Daylene on Instagram here

Chapters

• 0:01 Welcome & Content Warning
• 2:01 Listener Support & Donations
• 3:03 Introducing Guest Daileen
• 4:12 Moving From Airlie Beach To Victoria
• 6:03 Weather Shock And Lifestyle Shift
• 7:12 Single Mum Logistics And School Transitions
• 10:29 Rental Hunt, Road Trip & Car Breakdown
• 14:05 Coping On The Move And Mother–Son Bonding
• 16:08 Processing, Depression & Starting Over
• 18:12 Letting Go Of Control And New Systems
• 20:57 Old Identities Don’t Open New Doors
• 24:35 Healing In Airlie And Bringing Tools Home
• 28:16 Kids, Resilience & Therapy Support
• 31:46 Leaving DV: Planning, Safety, And Aftermath
• 36:08 Alcohol, CPTSD & Finding Professional Help
• 39:42 Roller Coaster Mindset And Small Steps
• 42:11 Healthy Habits, Hobbies & Confidence
• 45:05 Connection Over Isolation

Transcript

Trudie Marie: 0:01

Welcome to the Everyday Warriors Podcast, the perfect space to speak my truth and dive into deep conversations with others. This podcast is about celebrating Everyday Warriors, the people who face life's challenges head-on, breaking through obstacles to build resilience, strength and courage. Join me, your host, Trudy Marie, as I sit down with inspiring individuals who have fought their own battles and emerge stronger, sharing raw, real and authentic stories in a safe space. Allowing you to explore, question and find your own path to new possibilities. Let us all embrace the warrior within and realize that while no one is walking in your shoes, others are on the same path, journeying through life together. Please note that the following podcast may contain discussions or topics that could be triggering or distressing for some listeners. I aim to provide informative and supportive content, but understand that certain things may evoke strong emotions or memories. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in need of support while listening, I encourage you to pause the podcast and take a break. Remember that it is okay to prioritise your well-being and seek assistance from trained professionals. There is no shame in this. In fact, it is the first brief step to healing. If you require immediate support, please consider reaching out to Lifeline on 13, 11, 14 or a crisis intervention service in your area. Thank you for listening and please take care of yourself as you engage with the content of this podcast. Love the Everyday Warriors Podcast. It would mean the world to me if you were to leave a five-star review to ensure that the Everyday Warriors podcast is heard by more listeners around the world. You can also support the show for as little as $5 with a one-time donation or by becoming a monthly subscriber. Your contribution helps me to continue bringing you inspiring stories of everyday warriors who overcome challenges to find strength, resilience and new possibilities in life. Head to the link to buy me a coffee and fuel the next episode. Every bit counts. A journey that was as much about finding my way back to myself as it was about conquering the trail through the highs and lows and everything in between. This book is taken from my journals and is my raw and honest experience of overcoming trauma and embracing the strength within. Grab your copy now. Just head to the link in the show notes and let's take this journey together. Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Warriors Podcast. And today my guest is from Melbourne. We met through an online community, and I was a guest on her podcast many moons ago, it seems like now, and she's now reciprocating the favour for me. So welcome, Daileen.

Dayelene Robinson: 3:52

Hello, your beautiful humans. It's so good to be on here and it's so good to connect again.

Trudie Marie: 3:57

Yes, it is very good to connect again, and I'm so glad that we were able to do this. So it has been a very, very busy, probably first half of this year for you. What's been going on?

Dayelene Robinson: 4:09

It's been a wild time over here, that's for sure. But like really coming in and finding my feet right now. But I decided um during COVID, I moved my family to Airly Beach. The first stop was actually meant to be Newcastle, but then we decided that we would move over the border from New South Wales to Queensland. Um and we lived there for about two and a half, three years, like since we left the travel up and then you know back was about three years, and then decided to come back to my hometown, which brought all of the old identities up and all the things and life. Like we had a car accident on the way home, like everything just went to pretty much ashes. Um, I can't like I was saying before I got onto the podcast, it was like I had to rise from the ashes again, like a phoenix. And my I did have a podcast and that ended as well. And then I had a job that fell through, all of the rest of it. So I had to pretty much just like look at my life and be like, okay, where do I want to be in like 12 months' time and how do I want to feel right now? And how is like something gonna work for my family and the schedule and stuff? So I had to just have like a huge, massive audit of my whole entire life and just looking at things that weren't working before, that were working now. And I think one of my main struggles was I'm I was trying to replicate my life up in Airly Beach, but just bring it back down here, and that just wasn't working as a completely different dynamic where I'm living now to where I was in Airly. If you know Airly Beach, then you would know it's quite a transit town and it's a holiday maker town, backpacker town, and you know, everything's just always on there. Whereas down here it's a little bit more like a lot of people haven't left this town, they still live here from like childhood and stuff like that. So completely different dynamics. So I was just trying to bring that down here, and the universe was like, nah, we're not doing that. So that's where I've kind of been and just finding my feet right now, which is really good.

Trudie Marie: 5:56

And there's a lot to unpack in that. Like, let me just start with the whole dynamics of the the weather to start with. Like you're going from beautiful, sunny Queensland. I have lived up, I didn't live in Airly Beach, but I lived in Prosopine, which is the neighbouring town just off the coast. I spent a whole summer there. I love the weather there, and now you've gone back down to like Victoria, where it's all seasons in one day, pretty much. Like, how has the adjustment been just even in with the weather?

Dayelene Robinson: 6:23

Oh, like at first I was like, What we actually got this little beautiful break at just before winter hit, and I was like, oh my god, this is so nice. And then winter hit, and I was like, What have we done? Like, I'm just it is so cold. We didn't even have winter clothes, like up there, yeah, it's literally cold for like one or two weeks of the year, and everyone gets out their jumpers and is over-exaggerating, but it's still like 22 degrees. Here it's below 10. It's just crazy. So dealing with weather's been fine besides that two months of winter, and now it's coming into spring. I'm like, this is what I moved home for. The season changes, the smells in the air, like it's so nice having the seasons. It's beautiful now, but it's been crazy, and I'm so pale. I'm so pale.

Trudie Marie: 7:08

Get the fake channel out, girl. I know, I'm not and then you said, like, obviously, that moving back, you're a single mum of three practically teenagers moving back. How is that whole ordeal? Because that in itself, if you've got another parent there helping you, but to do it all on your own, and then you're having to adjust everything with your children, like there is so much to do inside of that alone.

Dayelene Robinson: 7:35

Oh, amen. Well, at first they had resistance because obviously they built beautiful friendships up there and had built a life and a little community up there. But yeah, that's been a transition with schools and different dynamics. Like the school system here is completely different to up far north Queensland. They are so laid back up there, whereas down here they're it's the education state Victoria is. So it's been a transition, that's for sure. They're only kind of just finding their feet now, and we've had to, you know, find new GPs and all that sort of stuff. It's been uh pretty much like a shit show. But we've gone through the trenches and we're just finding our feet now. But it was so difficult. But I don't know, I just had this inner knowing that Airly wasn't for us anymore. And I'd I'd been pondering on the idea for a while, and I just didn't have the courage because the move, like moving during COVID, literally was so crazy. And we wanted to remain in our sovereignty as well, crossing borders, and we wanted to come with our dog. And I had, you know, the bare essentials of if we are to move over the border during COVID with the restrictions, what I wanted and what I wouldn't accept. So I had that kind of in the back of my head how hard it was moving. But we got this how I remember just like screw it. I'm just gonna apply for some rentals. And if we get one, then we're meant to move back home. And then some of the real estate agents were even like, I'm just going on a tangent now. I've gone from kids to rental, but it's just how it flows. I remember the real estates were like, Oh, like, good luck. There's a rental shortage right now, and expect like two to three months. And I was like, Oh, okay, like when it's meant to happen, it's gonna happen. And then literally, I think it was five days we got a call and they were like, Oh, you've been accepted. And I was like, What? And so I had to process it happening so fast, and then yeah, telling the kids and you know, all that sort of stuff, and then trying to pick the perfect time to move down so they weren't the new kids. So we did that over school holidays, so finding that perfect time and that spot, and then two of the kiddies went to their dad's over the school holidays, and then me and my older son drove down together with my dog, and we literally sold everything in the house, and then just me, him, and my dog come down.

Trudie Marie: 9:39

Yeah, and I would that would have been my next question anyway. Going onto the tangent of real estate is not only then are you having to move with the kids, but you've got to find a new home. And in the housing crisis around Australia at the moment, that's another feat in itself. There are so many like little things that people would do one of, and you're doing like multiples of. And then to make matters worse, with your son and yourself and your dog, you had an accident on the way down. Obviously, you're okay, but that must have been scary in itself as well.

Dayelene Robinson: 10:10

Absolutely. And I remember sitting on the like because a sign fell off the back of a truck and cut through my radiator. And I remember seeing the sign fall off. We're in Seymour, and I just remember being like, it's not gonna hit us. And it didn't even like affect the car, like we didn't feel the bump. It was just like a clean thing through it, and next minute there was just smoke everywhere, and I'm oh my god, funds are running low pretty much at this point because moving state to state as a single mom, having to leave that behind and paying rent here and there at the same time was just hectic. And then that happening, I was just like, Are you serious? And then when we were pulled over on the side of the road, I remember like just going to deep fear, just going, oh my god, like I need my car, I need to start work as soon as I get back, all that sort of stuff. I remember just sitting on the side of the road and I was like, we can't change it. It's already happened. Like, let's just make the best of it. So, literally, me and my oldest son got out of the car, got a picnic rug, and we literally just sat and watched the stars and we were just cracking up. We're like, of course it would happen to us though. And on the journey, we couldn't find, I know this is probably illegal, and some people are gonna cringe. Well, not illegal, but there was no dog-friendly accommodation. It's very limited all the way down the coast. We had to sneak my dog into some hotels during the night so we could get rest and stuff like that. Because obviously, you can't drive four days straight down there. Um, and we could just not find because it was in school holidays that we left, we could not find any accommodation that were pet friendly. So we had to sneak a little puppy in there. It was just pure grit all the way down, and it was like that all the way up during COVID as well. But the things that you do to chase your dreams and trust your intuition is insane.

Trudie Marie: 11:42

And it's the memories that you create along the way. I mean, it's those things that you even your son will remember later on. Like, remember that road trip, mom, that we took together? And you can't put a price on that thing or that motivation.

Dayelene Robinson: 11:55

Yeah, we learned so much about each other. Like, and when you've been driving for a long period of time and you don't have another adult to swap, you start going a little like delusional to keep yourself awake. And I was very mindful of needing to rest and all that sort of stuff, stopping and getting out of the car, letting the dog have a run, stuff like that. But there still is like you just know you have this huge feet, and then at the end of the road, I don't have a house to go into that's full of furniture, really. So, like, I still am processing all that stuff and then processing leaving that home behind. It was just a whole big journey.

Trudie Marie: 12:24

I can only begin to imagine. I mean, I've moved multiple times, and in talking to you today, I'm about to do another move myself, and probably by the time this podcast airs, I would have already moved, but I know that feeling, and it's just you can either take that fear on and be so anxious about it all, or you can be just this is such an adventure, like what's next?

Dayelene Robinson: 12:46

Yes, for sure, and it's a new beginning as well. Like, obviously, you have to, and we were talking about that before I came on, like you have to mourn that old kind of like where you were and actually allow time to process, which I didn't really have time to process moving back, like I didn't have time to process when I moved to LE, like through that, we were homeless at certain points during that move up there because of the COVID restrictions and all that sort of stuff, and having a dog as well. And my thing is I am not letting my dog go to a dog pound and be looked after or whatever. So I had these set standards, and even moving back, I'm like, this is what I'm gonna allow, and this is what I'm not gonna allow, not wavering from that. But the thing with both times now I have reflected coming back is I'd never allowed myself to process what had just happened in Airly as a single mom because you have to just keep going. And then I didn't process when I came back, and everything just got so heavy. I literally fell into pretty dark depression for a hot minute, and I was like, I don't see a light right now. And I'm like, I'm usually optimistic, I'm usually positive, I've usually got energy to move, you know, all that. And I was frozen, and I was at that point, I should have just allowed myself to rest for a few weeks, but I didn't. And then yeah, a job fell through, and then I had to be like, all right, I've got to rise, or else shit's gonna crumble, I won't be able to afford rent, you know, all that sort of stuff. So then I started my cleaning business, which I tried to replicate from early to here, and it wasn't working out, and the dynamics are so different. So I just had to look at okay, well, where can I place myself? And I've done that, and thank God, because I have the mornings for work into the afternoon, I get to study in the afternoon and be more present for my kids, pick them up from school, all that sort of stuff, and then work towards my my next goal.

Trudie Marie: 14:32

So yeah, and finding new work. I remember when I moved back to WA with my kids and I went for a whole bunch of interviews and I said to my mum, I'm just gonna have to take the first job offer that comes at me because as a single mother, you do have to, it's not just about you, it's about your children, it's about survival, and you just have to be in that process of what's next, how do I do this, go with it? And I remember, you know, within weeks of me starting that new job, I could see it was already written in the stars that this business was about to fold, and I'm now gonna have to find another job, and but you just go and do it. It's kind of when you're in that single mum life and that single mum mode, you don't know where you're going to go, you just trust that the universe is gonna give you an answer.

Dayelene Robinson: 15:18

And it does. And I feel like one of the things as a single mum, we try to hold on to the control of how it should be, or like I tried to replicate the business down the same business down here because it was so successful up there, and it just didn't work. But then I'm like, but I wanted a regulated nervous system. I didn't really have that as much up there because I was working so much and I couldn't have weekends offs because a lot of the cleans I did high-end Airbnb, a lot of them would fall on weekends that they needed to be cleaned for a back-to-back. And then I wasn't having present time with the kids, and I'd feel guilty and you know, all that stuff that comes as a single mom, even just mums that aren't single. But I I remember coming back down here, and my intention was to let the guards fall away, to just get those shields of armor off and allow help and you know, have a more regulated nervous system and to have weekends and presents with the kids. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I replicated the same business up there. And I think as a single mom, we have superpowers going, we intuitively know, like you knew that that business that you started working for was gonna fold. Like we just know. I don't know, we have superpowers, honestly.

Trudie Marie: 16:19

I think single motherhood is a superpower in itself, and you don't know what you're capable of until you go through something like that, where you just have to, it's not even just about surviving, but it's about just making sure that everything is okay, and that's what we want, not just for ourselves but our children as well.

Dayelene Robinson: 16:40

Yeah, and systems, you've got to have systems in place to have everything flow nicely. Calendar has become my best friend since moving back here to see where I have light space to spend more time with the kids or to pour into myself or to rest and you know, all that sort of stuff. And I didn't really do that in airly, I didn't really have proper systems like that. And now it's all just kind of coming together because I just let go of control a little bit.

Trudie Marie: 17:05

Yeah, and inside of that audit, like you've obviously just spoken about having systems in place, but what is what else has been some of your biggest, I suppose, lessons? Because this is a huge, big move to one, take your life from south to north and then turn around and bring it back. Exactly what I did, but I was east to west or west to east and then back again. So I totally relate to that. But what have you found have been some of the biggest lessons inside of that last three or four years?

Dayelene Robinson: 17:37

The old ways don't open new doors, would be my thing. Because when I came back, I thought my friends that I had before, I was gonna come back and it was gonna be the same, but I'm not the same human I was when I left. And I was so riddled with fear and just even having the courage to move states during the biggest lockdown in the whole world over two borders that you were meant to be um vaccinated. I know everyone has their cues on that, but intuitively as a mum, I just knew the right decision for us was not to vaccinate. And I stood in my power with that and bet all the odds. And I still remember when we got to the border, the army guy from New South Wales or Queensland, which was the most strictest border in Australia at this point. He was like, How did you do this? And I was like, I just stuck to my value and I'm like, I'm annoying. When I want something, I'm gonna get it. And I literally was so persistent with the government. Like, we didn't buy a house, we didn't have a rental to go to over the border, and all of those things you needed to tick off. And I'm just like, we're kind of protected, safe, and loved. And we got over without a rental, without a sale of a house, without a business that we had purchased or anything. And it just, yeah, it came down to feel great at the end of the end of the day. But like that's what I was saying about old ways don't open new doors, is because then all of that would change you as a human, like the courage you had to do, and then being up there pretty much alone, away from family and stuff. You've only got yourself at the end of the day. So then coming back again. I was, I don't know, I started getting into old identities and like just things like that and old habits, and then like drinking all the time and wanting to go party. And I'm just, yeah, I just can't do it again. That would be my biggest lesson is that, and just to have the courage, even if you don't know all the steps, I didn't know if we would get a rental up in Airly Beach to live in a caravan park for a while. And then we ended up getting a rental, and I just kept holding faith. Like, I'm like, something is calling me here. I'm meant to be here. And my big reason now I reflect on Airly was a lot of the healing I did was in Airly and the people that I met to go on my healing journey with EMDR and all that sort of stuff. I was meant to be there for that, and then to come back home with that toolkit because that toolkit is exactly what has gotten me out of my slump that I was in when I came here. It all just is like a full circle moment.

Trudie Marie: 19:53

I love that, and I love the way that you said that old identities don't open new doors because I think so many people doesn't matter what age you are and what you've been through, but people get stuck and are so resistant to change, and it's inside that change you find something new about yourself in whatever way it is. And yes, you can have friends or family or acquaintances from the past l version of you, but like you said, when you go and live somewhere else or you go through a separation or divorce, which you obviously have like me, that you you're not that same person that you were in those previous times. And if you try to replicate that like you did with your business, yeah, it doesn't work because it's not the same, and yet people s view you through the lens that you shouldn't have changed.

Dayelene Robinson: 20:46

Absolutely, yeah, and but internally you know I know that I have changed as a person. Yeah, I may slip it back into old habits sometimes, you know, all that sort of stuff. But I know my body knows and my brain because when I reflect and I journal or when I reflect, I'm like, fuck, I'm not meant to be here. I'm not meant to be doing this. And like just trusting that inner guidance and not suppressing it because when you're hanging out with people that are an old version of you, you're gonna then start acting like that. But I feel like internally you just have this congruence, I guess, inside of you that you're not living in alignment with your values and the life that you want. So yeah, just using that as an example and also the business, me trying to replicate something that worked in early, but not in the way that I want to feel now. And I was pushing so hard for that, but it wasn't meant to happen. And I knew that internally.

Trudie Marie: 21:34

So yeah, it's a valuable lesson to for anyone to kind of take on that we are constantly moving parts, we are not one way for the whole of their our lives. Like I know just turning 50 that I am not the same person I was when I was 20 or 30 or 40, and that in 10 years' time I'm not going to be the same either. But somewhere along the line, society has this opinion or this impression that we should just be the same person, but older.

Dayelene Robinson: 22:04

Yeah, I know, fuck that.

Trudie Marie: 22:07

And it's it's like we're not the same.

Dayelene Robinson: 22:10

Yeah, we are not the same, no. And we get to choose, like if you want to be like create a new identity or be a new human, you literally can create that. And if you want to move, you get to move. You don't, you're not stuck somewhere, like we're not trees. And I guess sometimes it's a little bit harder for others to move than others, but I don't know. I just know when you have that pool, it's not gonna, it's not gonna go away until you do it. So you might as well do it if it's a safe choice for you and if it's you know in alignment with your values and stuff, do it. We only live once, right? There's that saying YOLO.

Trudie Marie: 22:43

Yeah, a hundred percent. We get this one lifetime to do whatever, and you don't want to live with regrets. That's probably the one thing I'm very conscious of is I want to say that no, I wasn't too scared to do that, or I didn't have the courage or bravery to do that, but I went and did it anyway.

Dayelene Robinson: 23:00

Amen. And we have little humans that are watching us, or you have adult, well, adult little humans as well, but we have humans that are watching us and being like, well, if mum could do that, then I could do things too. And putting fear in the passenger seat. My kids have seen me break into a million people, like a million pieces as a single mum. Like I didn't hide that, but they've seen me break and then just keep rising and then break again and rise again and break again and rise again. And like I'm teaching them things that I learned on the way and think practices and tools that I learn as well. So there's something in everything, and like we always make it out. I was gonna say alive, but we always make it out the other end.

Trudie Marie: 23:35

Yeah, and inside of that too, as you said, you've got your children watching what you do and you're leading by example. How difficult has that been inside of those two big moves? From like you've gone from the the southern end to the northern end and back again of the country. How has that been not just for you, I suppose, but the kids as well? Like it's a massive thing to do. Yeah, like people talk about moving house in the same town or the same street or whatever, but to do a big, massive move like that, it it takes something.

Dayelene Robinson: 24:09

Yeah, well, I didn't even know that I would have the courage to get over the border from Victoria to New South Wales. So my kids thought we were going on a holiday at first. When we got to Newcastle, a house fell through. Like every time things have, you know, things happened. So we had so much uncertainty. We've had behavioral things, like my kids have had to be in therapy at times, and we're still just kind of finding our way. But that's also the ebbs and flows of life, anyway. A lot of kids will still need external help outside the family, and we're not afraid to admit that we have had to use that as well. But yeah, we've had behavioral things like emotional things, them being away from their dad in a different state has brought up emotions, you know, all of that sort of stuff. Yeah, they've had to deal with a bit, but also has built resilience in them as well. And also, there's so many people that do move states and move countries and stuff like that. I I thought, oh, maybe this is not the right decision because moving them away, but it was more of a safety thing at first, and then it became a choice when we moved back. So yeah, it was almost like we have to move. And then when we got to come back, that was a choice because everything was fine up there. I had my business, you know, we had a home when we were moved, like moving up. I was actually in DV accommodation. So we had still been um feeling the effects of after having a domestic violent relationship. So yeah, it got quite bad at some point. So we've just had to kind of work through it all together as a family.

Trudie Marie: 25:31

And just going on that, like moving is one thing, and as you said, moving because of a need, and when that need is because of domestic violence, that's a whole other issue to contend with. And so many people say stuck in the fear of uh not wanting to leave because of what repercussions could have from leaving. So if you don't mind sharing, uh what was that actually like for you? Because it takes courage to actually leave that relationship for good.

Dayelene Robinson: 26:06

So this was years after um we were still having the effects of, I'm not gonna go into too much detail, but we're still having the effects of a relationship breakdown from years ago. So there's a little bit of stalking involved and stuff like that. So and then COVID was happening, and then we couldn't find a rental, you know, it was insane. So we ended up being homeless for a hot second and living with friends. There was even times I had to camp with my kids and they thought we were just camping, you know, until we found crisis accommodation. But going back to leaving the DV relationship, which was a few years before we actually left Victoria, that was like I had no friends left. I had like one really good friend, and still to this day we're really great friends. And I remember her just saying to me, What's going on? Because like you don't smile like you used to. Like, so people were noticing, and I still have conversations now with like school mums from back then. They're like, I knew something was going on, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. And that was just hiding, you know, the the shit that we're going through at home with the kids. So leaving the relationship was a huge process. I used to like practice in the mirror breaking up with him. And sometimes I thought that like it started getting to a point where I thought this was just gonna be my life. And seeing my mom go through domestic violence as well, I kind of thought it was kind of a normal thing. But then also having that in my head and knowing what I felt like as a child, I was like, I don't want my kids to feel like they're walking on eggshells every single day like I did. So it had to kind of get to a point. I got a psychologist and we started making a safety plan. And he thought I was just going for early childhood stuff, but it was actually to build my confidence enough to get away. But I do know statistics are the date and the most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves a domestic violent relationship. And I still had to live with him for like six months. He wouldn't get out of my house, and then well, it was our house at the time, but he wasn't working and stuff like that. And then I had to reach out to the court to get an interim order, and they refused it until he could show up for himself because they didn't want to break the family home. And then um, yeah, it just got to a point where it was like, you have to move out or I have to move out, and then it ended. But the the things after it didn't end, the emotional stuff, all that sort of stuff, and that's where I kind of turned to alcohol as a code mechanism, which I never had had before. So, like when I was like 24, 25, I turned to alcohol, kind of had a dependence on alcohol to kind of numb out the anxiety and like the P or CPTSD I ended up like acquiring over the years. So I just think if you are going through DV right now and you're listening, or you obviously have been through it and you have left, I'm just like get support. Most of the time you're so isolated and you're starting to think this is your normal, but it's not normal. And the healing process after it is insane. Like it's yeah, you definitely need to get professional support in place, which I didn't end up doing, and that's why I think I had the coping mechanism of alcohol after leaving. But then when I got to Airly, I I actually felt safe. So I was able to heal a lot deeper and learn the tools, and then even since then, I've fallen back into drinking alcohol, using it as a way to cope. But then having therapy along the way, which has helped me acquire this huge toolkit, which I was able to lean on when I got home and just pull myself out a little bit sooner.

Trudie Marie: 29:25

No, I can totally relate as a police officer. I have seen so much of it in my career.

Dayelene Robinson: 29:33

Yeah, and it happened to men as well. I want to touch on that. Like men can, you know, it can happen to men too, like the women.

Trudie Marie: 29:41

Oh, both sides. And one of the things that's coming out more and more within domestic violent behaviour is the coercive manipulative control. And that's the one thing that I suppose is the hidden sort of monster inside of all of that, because when people think of domestic violence, they often think Of the physical nature, and they think of the what to cause that could it be drugs or alcohol or whatever that causes that rage to then lead to that violence, but it's actually the silent, manipulative, coercive control that has you even more frightened of what the repercussions would be, which would often lead to the physical if you were to mess up. And that's where so many women get stuck inside of that relationship. And I'm not sure if that's the case for you particularly, but it's so hard to break free of a cycle that you are so fearful of the repercussions after.

Dayelene Robinson: 30:40

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Because there's always little sub little messages I'll put in and like you know, into your head, no one's gonna love you, or you know, things like that. Who's gonna want a single mom or things like there were so many? And like I have done, I guess where we can communicate for the kids now, and that's great. And he lives, you know, a while away, which is great too. It's uh it's just it's a de it's definitely a journey, and still things pop up throughout our journey of parenthood and having to communicate about the kids and stuff. I get fearful still sometimes about things if I ask for too much, or you know, if we're needing doctor's appointments, I'm like, oh fuck, he's gonna yell at me, or he's gonna not have the kids on school holidays, or you know, things like that. There's still that in the back of your head. It's hard when you're in a like DV relationship separating and you still have to connect for the kids. We actually had one year where there was a complete no no contact order, which allowed us to move to Early Beach. A lot of people don't get that, so they still have to remain in similar suburbs to each other and stuff. And that within itself would feel like hell on earth. Support network is definitely a huge thing.

Trudie Marie: 31:47

Yeah, and I love the fact that you've brought up about the support because it sounds like you've been through this domestic violence relationship, you've had to move on your own to feel safe, you've had to do a lot of healing inside of that, along with your children, because your children have been exposed to that and then a move, and then now coming home and dealing with all of that in a whole other different way. Because, like you said, so many levels have changed, but then so many are still consistent that you have to have and you can't do that on your own. You do need support, whether that's friends and family or whether that's professional help. It's not like there's no nothing to be gained from being the hero in your own journey of trying to do it all on your own. I know I couldn't have done my own healing journey without professional support.

Dayelene Robinson: 32:38

Yeah, and like I haven't been a perfect parent. Like, I've had to heal and fail and like do things wrong, mistakes, you know, there's been alcohol that comes into it, and like trying to distract myself outside of myself because it hurts so much to heal. And then like there's just been stages where I'll go to therapy for nine months and like really go deep and then I'll like fail again. So I'm I'm like the representation of someone that will fail and just keep getting back up. Fail how many times I'm gonna, I'm just gonna keep getting back up no matter how many times. And it can be somewhat self-inflicted in so many ways, like reaching for alcohol. But when your nervous system has been so unsafe your whole life, when things are like peaceful, you're like, oh my god, something's gonna go wrong. You look for the chaos almost. So I wanted to just speak into that as well because no matter how many times you fall, um, especially if you've had a traumatic background since you've been born, pretty much, like humble beginnings, you can just keep getting back up. Just feed your mind with things. My family isn't really into personal development and stuff, but I remember going to one event that opened up my eyes for personal development. And I was like, holy shit, there's a whole world outside of this. And then just little things like that, like listening to audiobooks and podcasts and having professional help as well. Like your family can do so much, but having professionals on your side as well, I know there's lots of free services out there that can help as well, that are able to teach you the tools to get through the really hard times, is where you're just going to keep anchoring into yourself and rising quicker and quicker and quicker.

Trudie Marie: 34:09

Yeah, and I think um, and I say this all the time, and I mention it to so many people, and you talked about it with the the failing and the rising again. Is it life is a roller coaster? And if you don't refer to it as a roller coaster, look at the heartbeat. It has peaks and troughs. There is no flatline. When you flatline, you're gone. And it's being able to ride that roller coaster and ride those peaks and troughs because we're not perfect, we're humans, we are in we're not infallible, like we will mess up. But it's like you said, you can either stay in that downward spiral, which will ultimately lead to one kind of flatline, or you can keep riding the ebb and flow of life, and just like you said, you pick yourself up quicker or you get through it quicker, or you find a new toolkit, uh new tool to add to your toolkit so that you can actually move forward in in whatever you've got planned for the future.

Dayelene Robinson: 35:08

Amen. Amen. And it's just a conscious choice. Like, you know, in your body when you get that low, you're like, fuck, how am I gonna get up? And like what I did, especially three weeks ago, I had this other aha, like, screw this, I'm sick of feeling like shit, sick of like eating crap. I'm sick of not moving my body, I'm sick of like having this negative mindset because deep down I am quite optimistic and positive. I was like, okay, what's one thing I can do today? And that was moving my body for 10 minutes, just taking my dog for a quick walk around the creek. I'm like, oh, this feels good. And then it's like, what else can I do? And what else can I do? And then just slowly over time, all those small actionable steps will literally lead you to a pretty much a new identity. So doing things that light you up and looking back in your life, going, when did I feel really good? What was I doing? And then do that. It might not look exactly the same, but like generally moving your body and eating healthier and surrounding yourself with hap, like happier, healthier people with good habits can change your life. Three simple things.

Trudie Marie: 36:04

Yeah, a hundred percent totally agree. And the other one I will add to that is finding something that you're passionate about or lights you up, whether it's a hobby or something you're into, but if that can actually help remove you, like I know you said that often in the dark days, it's the alcohol is the soothing. But if you can pull instead of the alcohol something good, whether it's a sport that you play or a hobby that you do or something creative that you do, yeah, that you reach for that instead, it's such a better balance in your life.

Dayelene Robinson: 36:36

And you're gonna come home feeling good. Yeah, like I really want to get into dancing. I don't know why, like Hills Dancing is calling me and there's a studio not far. And I used to dance when I was younger, and I'm like, I used to love dancing, and I used to love doing my makeup like really nice and pitting my hair back. And I'm gonna start doing that again. So, like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as well builds confidence too.

Trudie Marie: 36:56

100% agree. Like, I I love that it's like that that you can actually find a light at the end of the tunnel or a light in the dark.

Dayelene Robinson: 37:06

Yeah, and you'll find people along the journey that are similar to you on similar journeys that you can just link arms with because we're all just leading each other home at the end of the day.

Trudie Marie: 37:14

Totally true. And it's amazing where those people come from. They often come from where you least expect them. You just have to be willing to open that door when it's offered to you. Because sometimes I think we can slam doors shut before we can even welcome what's on the other side.

Dayelene Robinson: 37:33

Especially if you have been through trauma. You mean I'm speaking about myself, you can go into a sense of isolation because you're like, I'm safe here, no one can hurt me, and you can isolate yourself. But like we are wide for connection and we've got to open our heart. But that's where I'm saying like professional help with that sort of stuff is definitely needed because yeah, then you can unpack that in like a professional space to be more open and to trust again because there's a lot of people in the world that actually don't we they don't think like us, people that have been through trauma and stuff like that. They don't have we all have survival mechanisms, but not through the lens that we actually view the world. A funny example is well, it wasn't funny, but an example of this, funny to me because I'm like, holy shit, it was a big aha moment in my life realizing how much I'd been through. So my partner at the time in Airly Beach, um, he was a night, he was a great man, um, a very safe man. We were camping actually in Townsville, and I remember, all right, safety precautions, like literally giving this guy a lowdown of what we do if shit goes down south. Because I work from worst case scenario backwards, and I'm like, had a knife in my swag because we're in the middle of nowhere. I'm like, someone might come and get us. I'm like, padlock the swag, all right. If anything is to happen, we hit anything, we get straight in the car and we leave, we leave everything here. I don't care about stuff. And he was like, Daily, like, no one's gonna hurt us. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like, no one's coming to hurt us. And I'm like, I was just looking at him like, you're being a dickhead. And then he's like, 90% of the world are actually safe humans. And I was like, wow. And he's like, we don't all think like you do, and I was like, Whoa. I remember just like looking at him being like, you're not keeping me safe, but also he doesn't think like I do.

Trudie Marie: 39:07

So that's a big uh-it's so true because, and as somebody who has also been diagnosed with CPTSD, our lens what we look through in life is, and it's you mentioned it before too, about where when everything is going good, you're looking for the trauma or the chaos because that's what you're used to, that's what your nervous system is is used to, and we self-sabotage our own lives and our own happiness and stuff because we're looking for that opposite, but you do, you walk into you are that's that situational awareness of being ready for the worst, but hoping for the best, but then you don't even actually realize that you're not even hoping for the best because that's what everybody else is doing. The worst is at the top of the list, and it's such a until you have that actual realization and you can be in that moment and go, right, this is an area of my life I have to heal. You don't even know that's how you operate until it's reflected back to you.

Dayelene Robinson: 40:09

Yeah, and then like because I was challenging on him on it, and he's quite logical, and I'm very emotional. And he was like, Come on, like, and I was like, dude, like you're gonna think like I am soon, surely. And he held his ground and he was like, No, not the whole the whole world isn't out to get you, sort of thing. And I was like, dude, where have you been living? Yeah, it wasn't until that moment I remember because I was in deep therapy then. I remember going back to my therapist on the weekend. I'm like, Guess what happened on the weekend? And she's like, Yeah, it's just the way that you're viewing, and because of the things that you've been through, and we work through that a little bit. So I kind of try to not think like that, but still as a single mom, it's a little we've got to be man and woman in the house as well. So that's a little hard.

Trudie Marie: 40:50

Oh, yeah, that's finding those feminine and masculine energies on different days of the week and with different children is always an interesting challenge. But you did mention before, inside of all of this, you were allowing time for study and that you were obviously up to something. So what's next for you now that you've moved back home?

Dayelene Robinson: 41:09

Um, so I am about to be finished my dual qualification in a body and mind practitioner. So yeah, working with the mind and the body connection and everything like that, which is so exciting. I'm already a trauma-informed coach and NLP practitioner, which I did during COVID, get my brain off the lockdowns, but I have never really stood into the arena. Like I've had the podcast and like I kind of coach people, like my friends and you know, clients that I clean the house. I like give them tasks each week to read books and you know, coach them through a lot of things. So I kind of do it without being actually a coach, if that makes sense. So that's where I'm going on to next. And just in the process of also a community event here in Geelong, still in the like the talks with the council, um, but I'm wanting to bring breath work connection and meditation on maybe a Saturday at this point, just penciled in. So I'll launch that when it comes where I'm off to next.

Trudie Marie: 42:00

That's so exciting that you can use whatever there's happened in your life and all the lessons you've learned now impart that on like that wisdom on to others. And that event that you were talking about, you mentioned before recording that you wanted this to be a free event in the community.

Dayelene Robinson: 42:19

Yes, because I know um people that sometimes are navigating really big glass things don't have a lot of money and stuff, and we need to connect with other humans in order to rise. So that will be part of the name, just a little cue there, like connecting with other humans and learning those tools in an environment that's outdoors in nature with other people on similar journeys. That's why there's no cost, and it's just yeah, bring positive vibes or even not just bring yourself and we'll have a cuddle and have a chat and yeah, just connect.

Trudie Marie: 42:47

I love that idea, especially as a free community event, because yeah, so many people want to charge through the roof for having these opportunities or opening your eye to these things, and you know, if we can do it as a helping hand for other people, I just I love that idea. And I love to your story today that has highlighted that you don't necessarily have to have some big one single traumatic event to change your life trajectory. There are so many little things in our lives that impact us in certain ways, and until we stop and reflect and look at those things, then we can't move forward in a way that actually aligns with who we are because so many people out there think that oh, it's got to be this one big moment that changed your life. And I mean, don't get me wrong, moving across states and borders and stuff is a big thing, but inside of life, it's not that big of a deal. People do it on the daily.

Dayelene Robinson: 43:49

Yeah, absolutely, for sure. It's actually funny that you said um about lending your hand out to someone else. I've literally wrote this quote down from a book I'm reading today. Um, and it's as you grow older, you'll discover that you have two hands. One is for helping yourself and the other is for helping others. And in this is like putting your own oxygen mask on, ensuring that you're uh you're safe and your kids are safe, and then you can pour from the overflow.

Trudie Marie: 44:12

I love that. Such a beautiful way to kind of or something to reflect on towards the end of the show. I want to say thank you so much for coming back to connect again and and share your story because it is a big journey inside of everything that you've gone through in the last six months and the last few years, but just helping others know that they're not alone if they're on a similar circumstance. So thank you for being part of the show.

Dayelene Robinson: 44:39

My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Trudie Marie: 44:42

You're most welcome. And I always finish the show by asking what is the one thing you are most grateful for today?

Dayelene Robinson: 44:49

Just connecting on here and being able to use my voice because for so long I didn't have a voice in a relationship where I was shut down. So being able to have a voice and use that to empower other people is a blessing. So thank you for the opportunity.

Trudie Marie: 45:03

Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday Warriors Podcast. If you have an idea for a future episode or a story you'd like to share yourself, then please reach out and message me. As I am always up for real, raw and authentic conversations with other Everyday Warriors. Also, be sure to subscribe so that you can download all the latest episodes as they are published. And spread the word to your family and friends and colleagues so they can listen in too. If you're sharing on social media, please be sure to tag me so that I can personally acknowledge you. I'm always open to comment about how these episodes have resonated with you, the listener. And remember, lead with love as you live this one wild and precious life.