Episode 50 - Adam Blum: Edge of the Cliff

A redheaded kid called a nobody, a 22-year-old worker broken by a boss’s spit-flecked tirade and a silent drive past home to a crowded Blue Mountains lookout. A moment when the clouds parted, a late Nana’s voice rang clear and a single phone call lasted four and a half hours. Adam’s story is tender, raw and unflinching about suicidal ideation, the mental fog before the act and the impossible-to-name pain that makes you want only one thing...for it to stop!

What follows is a decade of deliberate change. A GP visit leads to severe depression and anxiety diagnoses. Three years of “speed dating” therapists finally lands on the right ally. A blunt truth reframes everything, that metabolic health is amplifying mental distress. With blood sugars spiking and a specialist warning of death by 34, Adam chooses gastric sleeve surgery. It’s not a shortcut, rather it’s a stake in the ground. Habits shift, identity catches up and purpose arrives through service with the local fire brigade.

Perspective deepens on the ridgelines of Gallipoli and the Western Front. Standing at the grave of a 22-year-old, the same age he was at the cliff, Adam discovers that ageing is a blessing denied to many. That clarity births a mission, to honour veterans and first responders with care and precision. When a mate won’t host him, he launches True Blue Conversations and keeps going. 130+ episodes later, guests now come to him and trust becomes the metric, not downloads.

2025 tested every gain: a stillborn niece, a father’s dementia, floods, lost work and public shaming by peers. The black dog returns and a plea to the night sky is answered by two shooting stars. The next morning, he joins flood clean-ups and service regrounds him. From there, a holistic routine steadies the mind and body including prayer, visualisation, gratitude, grounding, meditation, cold showers, strength and cardio, protein-forward meals and ruthless sleep hygiene. He quits comparison, limits social media and measures progress in “two millimetre shifts.”

The heartbeat of this conversation is simple and lifesaving "it’s not weak to speak". One answered call can change a life, one honest check-in can keep someone here. If you need a sign to stay, let this be it. Share this episode with someone who needs hope and leave a review to help others find it. 

Transcript

Trigger Warning & Purpose Of Show

Adam 0:00

Recently someone said to me, uh, do you fear death? Uh no I don't. I don't fear death. Uh 'cause every day since I walked away from the cliff that day, Trudie is a blessing.

Trudie Marie 0:11

While each of my episodes comes with its own trigger warning, I would like to draw special attention to that warning today. This particular episode has a direct reference and graphic detail of suicidal ideations. So please take care when listening to this episode.

Trudie Marie 0:29

This is the Everyday Warriors Podcast, where courageous guests share the truth of what they've survived, what they've learned, and how they have rebuilt their lives. I'm your host, Trudie Marie. Listen to these stories of resilience, purpose, and hope so you can remember you're not alone.

Trudie Marie 0:51

Please note that the following podcast may contain discussions or topics that could be triggering or distressing for some listeners. I aim to provide informative and supportive content, but understand that certain things may evoke strong emotions or memories. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in need of support while listening, I encourage you to pause the podcast and take a break. Remember that it is okay to prioritise your well-being and seek assistance from trained professionals. There is no shame in this. In fact, it is the first brief step to healing. If you require immediate support, please consider reaching out to Lifeline on 13, 11, 14 or a crisis intervention service in your area. Thank you for listening and please take care of yourself as you engage with the content of this podcast.

Adam’s Early Bullying And Self-Worth

Trudie Marie 1:55

Love the Everyday Warriors Podcast? It would mean the world to me if you were to leave a five-star review to ensure that the Everyday Warriors podcast is heard by more listeners around the world. You can also support the show for as little as $5 with a one-time donation or by becoming a monthly subscriber. Your contribution helps me to continue bringing you inspiring stories of everyday warriors who overcome challenges to find strength, resilience, and new possibilities in life. Head to the link to buy me a coffee and fuel the next episode. Every bit counts. Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Warriors Podcast. And today I have a good friend with me here from New South Wales, which is a bit of a change from my audience of the last couple of episodes, which have all been from across the pond in New Zealand. But I'd like to welcome them from New South Wales, Adam.

Adam 2:58

Hey Trudie, how are you? It's great to be here.

Trudie Marie 3:01

It's so good to finally get you on the show. We've been talking about this for ages, and our timelines just never seem to align, and now they have.

Adam 3:10

They have, and I think we've been almost about 18 months we've been trying to work this for, and yeah, it's finally it it's teed up, and it's absolute privilege to be here.

Trudie Marie 3:21

Yes, it's so good to finally have you on the show. And I want to start your story by taking us back around 10 years ago when you had a life-changing moment, but realistically, there was a lot of stuff leading up to that point.

The Boss’s Attack And The Breaking Point

Adam 3:37

Yeah, sure. Ten years ago, I was at my lowest point in my life, and I'd been bullied for a long, long time in primary school, and truly you see you can see me, and your listeners can't, but I was a redheaded, freckle-faced kid, and I had learning difficulties, so I had ADHD, and just having red hair, I don't know what it seems to be with redheads, but redheads just seem to get picked on. And no matter what we do, and you know, w we're just the odd like it in my generation and going through school when I went through school, we were picked on. And it it really so you throw in just that, and I was a bigger boy, so I was fat and so I struggled with my weights and throw in learning difficulties not really a a great start to life, and being told by your your teachers that you'd amount to nothing in life, and my year six teacher said that I'll amount to nothing, and that really that sticks with you, like that really hurts, and and I took that through into high school and I was bullied again in high school and told again that I'd amount to nothing. And if you're told a story for a long time, you believe that. You start to believe what you're being told, and so I left high school, went into the workforce, and I thought things would be different. I really did. I thought, okay, this is my chance, I'm out of h I'm out of school now, I'm in the big white I'm in the big bad world, and you know, my past is my past, and I'll be okay. And how wrong I was. I was then went into the workforce and I was bullied again, and the bullying just continued and got worse and worse until ten years ago when one fateful day I was at this stage I was probably a hundred and forty-five kilos, so I I still packed on the weight after high school and eating was like my safe haven. I just I'd continually comfort eat and 'cause it it made me feel good. And it wasn't until that fateful day that I realized that oh I've got a problem here and I remember the day I was shoveling the curb and gutter and my boss at the time, he was a he used to come in on site and he used to sit and just watch you watch his workers and I was shoveling away and it was a hot day and I remember I I stopped, I grabbed my water bottle to have a drink, and then he came screaming in his Mercedes, the door flung open, he got out, he was red raw, and he just came and pointed his finger and he was like spitting like venom and saliva, and he called me a liar, a bludger, and a thief. And I was 22 and I was a kid and I didn't know how to handle that, and I was just it was just in my face, and I was shell-shocked, and he attacked my integrity that day and he catastrophically broke my soul, and I was already in a dark place, and I thought the words that he was saying that if he thought that, then the whole world thought that. So you know what? I'll do the world a favour and I'll say goodbye. And we talk about in with mental health uh the mental fog that people have, and I had the mental fog, and the mental fog lifted that i after he said what he said and drove away, the fog lifted, and I was clear that I was gonna end my life that afternoon.

Trudie Marie 7:18

And so yeah, that was what I got to, and yeah, I'm look, the first thing I want to say is I don't know why either that little redheads are bullied, and it happened through my schooling as well, and I'm sure it happened through my kids' schooling. It just happens to be that if you're not a brunette or a blonde, you're in bet in between, and you're the ammunition for any sort of bullying and stuff. So that kind of hasn't changed. But the thing that got to me in your conversation was that a year six teacher told you that you would amount to nothing. And I look at young children in their impressionable age, especially between starting school and entering puberty, that you are looking for guidance, you're looking for support, you're looking for comfort, and yet a teacher has turned around and basically told a student they would amount to nothing. It's such a story that even though it's wrong, you were so impressionable at the time that it actually stuck with you moving forward.

Adam 8:23

Yeah, it really did, and it affected probably the next I'd say 15 years of my life because that self-confidence, that the self-belief, it it didn't exist because he basically told me that I'd amount to nothing and that if I dreamed to be anything, who am I to dream that I think that I could do that? So and whenever I give and we'll get into it later in the story, but whenever I give a talk now to any school kids, I often say to them that your teenage years and right through right up until your your mid to late twenties are probably some of the most challenging and confusing times of your life because you want to find where you belong, and you're just looking for someone to give you guidance and guide you in the right direction, and I didn't have that. I really didn't have that, and yeah, it was a belief that for a long, long time that it yeah, it carried through right into my mid to late 20s.

Trudie Marie 9:24

Well, even just going back to that fateful day before we get into what actually happened and where you went from there, that you've got a boss that tells you on that day that you're a liar, you're a bludger, and you're a thief, and this is already correlating back to that year six teacher that told you you wouldn't amount to anything. Well, you've not amounted to anything, you've amounted to these three words that if you don't have any self-confidence and self-worth to begin with, and this person's now just clarified what somebody told you years prior. I can only begin to imagine the world of hurt, the world of pain, and that you could see no direction forward on that day.

Adam 10:07

Yeah, literally. I and to paint the picture, this boss was a hard, typical Australian that he even drove his own son into a mental institution. This is the type of person that we're dealing with, and nothing that you did was ever good enough, and he just wants you to work harder and harder and harder. And his father was a prick to him, and he just continued that cycle on to his own kids and then to his workers, and he said to me, and I'll never forget it, he said, Trudie, that it is a privilege to work for me, Adam. You should be absolutely privileged that you work here. And it was like, mate, it's a job, it's not a like what you're doing me a favour. And I can tell you now, Trudie, with the work that I've done since I I if I had my time over again, basically I would fight back now and I would absolutely stand my ground. But that's life experience, and I'm older now, and through the hard knocks, it's made me who I am. But back then, yeah, I had nothing. I was I had no belief and no self-worth, and self-worth is everything, as you know. If you haven't got self-worth, you've got nothing.

Trudie Marie 11:19

Totally true. So take me to that day that literally changed your life moving forward.

Walking To The Lookout And The Phone Call

Adam 11:27

So I I I went and parked up the water cart that I was in, and I didn't say goodbye to anyone, which was unusual for me because I used to say goodbye to all the guys. And so I got in my car, I turned my radio off, and I drove in complete silence, passed my turn off at home, and it I drove up to a lookout, and it was a dark, gloomy afternoon up in the Blue Mountains where I lived, and this lookout used to it well, it still does, it has thousands of people go and visit this lookout every day. It's a very, very popular lookout. And uh I drove up and no one was around, and I put my wallet and my keys on the bonnet of my car, and I was at total peace. I I was at total peace about what uh uh what I was about to do, and as I walked up to the edge of the cliff, I looked out to the mountains for one final time, and it was beautiful. It was a beautiful I looked out and it was and I was at peace. I was ready to just surrender, and as I went to throw myself off the cliff, the clouds parted, the sun shone on me, and my late Nana, she passed away, she was my best friend. I heard her voice, and she spoke to me, and she said, Adam, stop, step back, pick up the phone and make a call. And I'd always listen to my nan when she was alive, and it was that moment of clarity that I needed to stop and realize what I was about, I was seconds away from ending my life, and stepped back and I picked up the phone and I made a call to a friend of mine and he said, Bloom Dog, how are ya? And I said, Mate, I'm not good. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff about to end my life, and he could tell in the seriousness of my voice that I wasn't joking, and he said, Where are you? Where are you? I said, I'm not gonna tell ya, but I just want to say, mate, thanks for everything. And I remember the start of the conversation, Trudie, and I remember the end. I don't remember the middle, but he spoke to me for four and a half hours and and uh he talked me down and he made me promise him that I would go and get help, and it that day was the start, and that was the moment that I went, I actually uh this has got too big for me, and I actually I I'm struggling and I need to get help and then started the the journey.

Trudie Marie 13:56

Such an incredible story, in the sense that you felt this peace and serenity in that moment. You weren't afraid, you weren't second guessing, you were just ready to, as you said in your own words, surrender, but then you clearly weren't meant to go that day because your grandmother from the other side sent you a message to say stop, but then also in calling that person, one that person picked up the phone because I can only begin to imagine what could have happened if they didn't, two, they could sense the seriousness in your voice to be able to go, shit, there is something wrong here, but then to take time out of their day to actually spend four hours talking to you so that you could felt seen and heard in that moment. You can't even begin to put words of gratitude to thank that person for literally you being here today.

Getting Help And Finding The Right Therapist

Adam 15:10

A hundred percent. I didn't realise until later on, and we him and like my mate and I, we're not as close now that uh as what we want as what we were, but I realise now that the burden that I put on him that day was huge. But he said to me, he goes, mate, it was never a burden. I'm just so glad, and he said that you have gone on and he said, mate, you have just kicked goals, and he's like, mate, I'm so proud that you're still here. And he was actually at my book launch and I thanked him, and just the best feeling, and I'm getting goosebumps talking about it because I owe my life to him, Trudie. I I really do. I owe my life to him, and I also owe my life to my late Nana because you know the clouds parted and sh uh and I heard her voice, and I I've since uh uh become very faithful, and I know people some people go, oh faith, but Trudie, I'm telling you now, it was the hand of God that day, and it was my Nana's voice that I heard, and I'm here today because of that reason. And I think then the the journey to get to where I am, I knew I had to do some work. There was a lot of work to be done, and a lot of hard work, and not uh not easy work, as you know, Trudie, as well. It's never easy when you've got to turn into your own demons and you've got to face there's some ugly truths that you need to uh put to bed.

Trudie Marie 16:38

A hundred percent. The shadow work, the inner work, the self-development, the growth, whatever you like to call it as part of that healing journey or trauma recovery, is not an easy journey. And those who think it is are kidding themselves, but also it's a journey that doesn't end. The road might get less steep, the path might get clearer, but it is an ongoing journey. It's not like you get to this endpoint and go, yay, I'm done, I'm healed, and life is rosy again. It is it's an ongoing journey throughout the rest of your life. So you said about getting some help after that point in time. What was or what did help look like for you at that point in time?

Confronting Weight, Health Crisis, And Surgery

Adam 17:27

So the after that phone call, uh, my mate said, Will you get help? and I promised him that I would, and uh so I came home and I didn't tell my mum, my dad, or my brother I kept it quiet for and I didn't tell them for a very long time. Actually, I kept it from them because I wanted to shelter them from the pain, because I I didn't want to burden them with all the questions, the and because it would have sent my mum into an absolute worry that her son got to this point where he wanted to end his life, and so the next day I didn't go to work, I didn't care if I lost my job, I didn't give a shit, and I booked into the doctors and went to the doctors, I told the doctor what had happened, and he said, Oh, uh, we need to do a we need to do a mental health test and we need to test to see whether you can you go and see a psychologist. And so I did that, I did the mental health test and I scored off the charts. I had severe I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety, and then started the process of finding the right psychologist, and the right psychologist took three years to find, and I almost gave up. I almost gave up again and thought this is just life, this is just how it is. And then and I always say this to anyone out there is finding the right psychologist, psychiatrist is like speed dating. You you go out and you think, Oh, actually, you look okay, you look for me, no, you're not for me. Oh, actually, you look for me, no, you're not for me. Then you might get to one and you go, actually, we coffee. And I did with mine, and I walked in and he was just straight to the point, and he just said, Right, let's get to work. And he was brutal, didn't hold back Trudie. He just basically was what I needed at the time, and but we worked through my childhood trauma, we worked through my teenage years into the workforce, and we were making some real go like we were making some real leaps and bounds, and I was starting to feel a little bit better. But what happened was that he said to me that we'd walk we worked through my childhood trauma, we worked through all my trauma up and to where we were, and there was an elephant in the room, and it was my weight, and he said to me, He said, Adam, your weight is your problem. And it took a little bit to understand that what's he talking about, and that and he said, Well, Adam, the reason you're depressed is you see an 85 kilo man in the mirror, but what's looking back at you is a hundred and sixty-five kilo person, so you're not aligned with your vision and where you want to be. And he said, Adam, if you change if you lose the weight, your life will change. And so I kept going for a while and he said, Adam, I'll keep taking your money because you're not doing what I'm telling you to do. One day I just woke up and said, I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be big. And then started the journey of that I went in and decided that I would have gastric sleeve surgery, which was a huge was it was huge in its own to get to that decision. It's and I say this to anyone who does go down that that path, be absolutely certain it is what you want to do, because that journey in itself, holy crap, it was a long, hard road after I'd made that decision.

Trudie Marie 21:00

I the thing that I get with that, and you're right, it's not a decision to take lightly in anybody's life if they're looking at that. But you said at the very beginning, when you were in your childhood, that you were considered fat at school, and then you said that you'd gotten yourself to 135 odd kilos or whatever the case may be, and that you were a comfort eater. So, as part of your emotional solution was to comfort eat. So when you get that dysmorphia between, like your psychologist said, looking in the mirror at what you think is there, according to what actually is there, it's almost the opposite of the eating disorders where people think they're fatter than they are and they want to get skinnier. Is that you didn't know any different because eating had always been your comfort, and you didn't see yourself as being overweight or fat. Or whatever it was that other people would label you as, because this was normal to you. And so it's not until somebody like a psychologist will call you literally on your shit and go, here, like you said yourself, it's an elephant in the room. Here's an issue that we need to address before we can address anything else.

Choosing Change And New Purpose

Adam 22:23

Yeah, absolutely. I to be honest, Trudie, I didn't think I was that big. I really didn't. It wasn't until I went to the doctors. I looked in the mirror one day and went, Wow, like, wow, I didn't know that I was this big. And I went to the doctors and uh the first doctor said no to the gastric sleeve surgery. She was like, No, you're too young. It's I was 27 at the time, and she's like, nah, you're too young. And then I went to another doctor who'd known me all my life, and she was like, Adam, I think this is gonna be the best thing that ever happens to you. I think it is gonna change your life, and I'm gonna absolutely sign you off to go and see the specialist. And I remember the day that I walked into his office because I walked in, he got me to do my blood tests, and he said, Adam, I'm really glad you're seeing me. And I said, Oh, why's that, Doc? And he said, I'm looking through your blood tests, and he said, Your blood sugar level's 38, and a normal blood sugar level is between five and seven. And I was just keeping up, like my insulin was just keeping up, like it was I was tired and I'd have to have like energy drinks or something in the afternoon because I'd want to fall asleep. And he said, Adam, he said, look, mate, he said, if you keep going the way you're going, he said you'll be dead by 34. And I felt like the biggest piece of shit that had ever lived. And I a couple of years earlier I was on the edge of the cliff, and then I got to this point now where I was 27, and he said, Adam, look, you can keep going the way you're going and have a miserable life and be dead at 34, or you can choose to change your life. And I I made a decision that day in that surgery that I was gonna have the operation to change my life and start to change my whole mindset and go from negative to positive and turn all the negative into positive and then s have that post-traumatic growth and start to change my life and start living start living the life that I always dreamed of.

Trudie Marie 24:41

Look, I what's there for me inside of what you just said is that take you back a few years earlier, and you were standing on a cliff ready to take your life, and whatever happened around that, you said no. But now here you are sitting in a doctor's surgery, basically saying if you don't make changes, you are going to end up there anyway. So your mental health and your physical health were now almost both leading you in a direction that you'd already stopped yourself from the mental gain. Now the physical one was in the way. So it must have been not just about the surgery of having the gastric sleeve, but the whole process of aligning yourself both physically and mentally to step into a new future post-the trauma.

Adam 25:39

Absolutely, and I just I I think I'm often asked that question, Trudie, of well, what changed? And I basically I just I looked in the mirror and I just said to myself, Adam, is this really the best you can be? Like, can is this really what your life like is this it? And I just asked myself that question and I went, No, I think I can be better. I really do. I really believe that and I don't know whether that came from inside of I think it did. I think it came from deep inside that I really I wanted to show and prove every single person that ever put me down and said that I'd amount to nothing. I used that as fuel and I used that as the ignition to to change my life, and what I also did was I started to find new purpose by I joined my local fire brigade and I start I found a new purpose in giving back, and that was also that started to keep shifting, but then I started to get curious about really self-development and changing my life for the better and getting positive mentors and start investing in courses and start to really look to to just do things that were not what I was doing in my life. And as I started to do these things, like everyone, when you start to do something that's not the norm, people think you've gone mad, they think you've joined a cult, or they just think it's not the norm. What are you doing? You shouldn't be doing that, you shouldn't be and I just went, no, this feels right, and it just feels I'm aligned. And before we jumped on Trudie, we were talking about that alignment, and for me, it just everything started to just really gain momentum, and and that was when I just went, Yeah, I'm on the right track here, this is where I'm meant to be going. And then I started to basically not give a shit what people thought, and just started going down this path, and basically it hasn't stopped.

Gallipoli, Perspective, And Gratitude For Life

Trudie Marie 27:52

And it's so true, and if you think back to that year six teacher telling you you would amount to nothing, if that teacher could only see you today with a successful podcast and as an author, then and years of volunteering with the fire service, like you have not amounted to nothing, you've actually been quite successful. So tell us more about that journey.

Starting The Podcast And Owning A Niche

Adam 28:19

Yeah, so I actually got the best revenge on him when I finished my year to year twelve, my HSE, and I was the first in my family to complete my HSE, and and that was a big achievement. That was huge. And I I remember I'd got my HSC and I'd walked in to his classroom actually, and facing him was was the proudest moment, honestly. It was so great, Trudie, because he was talking to his kids and saying school was the most important time of your life, and there's nothing uh uh as important as school. And I walked in and I said, Don't believe a word, he says. He is an absolute liar, and it's all bullshit what he tells you, and he knew exactly who I was. Like he knew as soon as I walked in, he knew who I was, and I remember I just said, Oh, so Mr. Smith, I said, Do you remember when you said to me in year six that I'd amount to nothing in life and you said I'd never get my high school certificate? I said, Well, there you go, there's my HSC mate. So, kids, don't listen to a word. If he tells you you can't do something, believe you me, you can. You've just got to believe in yourself and keep and just keep keep doing the work. Truly looking back now, could I have handled the situation differently? Probably, but at the time it felt great, it felt really good. And but yeah, that that journey to get to where I am now, and as you said, a podcast host and an author, that started around the time that I had my gastric sleeve. That I'd always had a love for history of you know, military history. And I my mate started a podcast and it was on military history, and I'd been over to the Western Front, and that was probably going back to six months after a big part of my healing journey. But I went so my psychologist said to me, Adam, you need to do something that's totally out of your comfort zone, but you need to get away from your family, you need to get away from all your things that are normal, like your safety, your safe haven, and your normal environment. And he said, I really think you should go overseas. And I said to my dad back years ago that we'd go to the hundredth anniversary of Anzac Day at Gallipoli, and Trudie, Gallipoli changed my life. It really did. Remember Dad and I were over there, and I got to this grave, and it was at Lone Pine, and it was the most free most ferocious, fierce fighting that was in the campaign. The Anzacs lost two thousand killed in four days of fighting, and it was just cra it just so intense. And I remember we were in Lone Pine Cemetery, and I was star I was walking in through the cemetery looking at the headstones and I'll never forget this, and it's it still gets me to this day, and I there was a generation of from fifteen to twenty-five, and God works in very mysterious ways, and the headstone that I happened to stop at was he was twenty-two years old and that was the that was how old I was when I chose to end end my life, and I remember bursting into tears because and everyone came over to me and my dad got around me and said, Son, are you alright? And I said, No, I'm not. I said, Look, I said he came over here for the grand adventure and he died and he was the age that I was when I wanted to end my life and it was that moment that I realised how much of ageing is a blessing, it really is, and not everyone gets to live to an old age, and that was the first moment that I really realised how precious life is and how it can be over so quickly, and then going forward to the podcast, my mate I'd been overseas with his battlefield company and tours I've been over the Western Front, I'd been over to see my relatives over there, five relatives are over in the foreign fields over in France and Callipoli, and I just wanted to get on his podcast to talk about m what it means to be a descendant and how important it is. And Trudie never had me on the podcast, so I just went, Well, fuck it. If you're not gonna if you're not gonna have me on, I'm gonna start my own podcast. And I asked him, I said, Well, how do I do a podcast? And he was gracious and he gave me a few contacts at the War Memorial and I started talking to historians, and then I don't really think he thought that I would continue the podcast. He thought it'd just be a phase, and where, as I said to you before we started, we've recorded over 130 episodes now, we're going into our sixth year, and the people that I've met, yeah, I'm honestly I it was that moment that I realized that I actually backed myself for the first time in my life, Trudie, I backed myself and I didn't care what others thought of my podcast, and I thought, no, I'm actually going to I'm actually gonna back myself here and I'm actually going to tell other people's stories and you know what? If I get one download, fantastic, if I get a thousand downloads, amazing, but I don't do it for the downloads, and that was really the start, and really losing the weight and then starting the podcast, that just started the momentum, and then the momentum's just continued over the last what six years, my life has just changed, and as you said, becoming an author, like I never thought I'd ever be a published author in my life. Like, if you had a said to me ten years ago when I was standing on the edge of that cliff that Adam, in ten years' time, you'll be a published author, a podcast host, and a keynote speaker, I would have said, Trudie, what drugs are you on? Can I have some too? Because that just for me, I just could never have imagined that's where my life would be. And as I say, just what changed was I start I changed my environment. I started surrounding myself with positive, influential people that could see something in me that I couldn't see in myself, and they could see it. And you and I, we've been friends for a long time, and even you can see it. But you know, for me, I didn't I couldn't see it, and but I just needed that reassurance, and then as I started to see these things change, my confidence grew, and I lost the weight, and I dropped 66 kilos, and things just as I say, have just kept snowballing and getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and yeah, now I'm just in such a great headspace.

Trudie Marie 35:22

And it's amazing how just going back to when you were standing at Lone Pine, that finding a grave of somebody your age that immediately puts things into perspective. Here you are at 22 wanting to take your own life, but here's a young guy who is in exactly the same space that you are, but he's off on a grand adventure and has his life ended without his consent. And life goes on regardless, and it's how you then take that moment, and like you said, it put into perspective how precious every breath we have on in this life is worth something, that it gave you a sense of purpose to come back and start the podcast, regardless of how that came about, that you now get to share stories of other people who risk their lives on a daily basis to stand for the lives that everybody else has. Like, we cannot thank our veterans enough for the world we live in today.

The Power Of Being Heard And Trusted

Adam 36:35

Well, I'm actually gonna go further with that, Trudie, and say because I know y you're a first responder, and I thank our veterans, but I also thank our first responders because without us at home, like our veterans go and do amazing work overseas, but without us, mate, you know, I'd hate to think what the world would be. And us as first responders, we it's a very unforgiving, thankful job. Like you don't get a lot of praise, and as you know, being an ex-police officer, and I want to thank our veterans, but I also want to thank every single first responder for what we do, because it it's not a normal job, it is a job that can go from zero to a hundred very, very quickly. And so, yeah, I just want to say thank you for your service as well.

Trudie Marie 37:24

And I do appreciate the acknowledgment, so thank you for that. And it really did uh change the course of your podcast as well, because what started out as talking with veterans and sharing their stories quickly turned into veterans and first responders with their stories, and being able to share what people go through that nobody else really gets or understands, or for that matter, even really know about, because so much is unsaid, so much is unseen, and until we're willing to share our stories and put ourselves out there, then most of this goes untold.

Adam 38:04

Absolutely, and for a long time, yeah, and I I think because what made that change for me, Trudie, was that every veteran that had come out of the defense force, it seemed at the time, would start a podcast, and they so I was getting swamped in the veteran space, and so I went, Well, I need to be different, I need to expand out to my fellow first responders. And honestly, I don't know why I didn't do it from the start. I I really don't, and now I've just found such a niche little space that I know is if you look up true blue conversations, you know you're gonna get a veteran or a first responder. That's my field, and I've found my as I say, I've found my niche, and now for a long time, Trudie, I've spoken to you so so much about it that I used to have to reach out to guests to come on the podcast. I don't have to do that anymore. People just are coming to me now, and to be trusted to share veterans and first responder stories is it's a real privilege. As you know, Trudie, it's when someone when you come on and bear all your vulnerability to trust someone like as a podcast host yourself, it is so special and so much of a privilege to be trusted that they trust you to share their story. It is the greatest privilege in the world.

One Call Can Save A Life

Trudie Marie 39:28

I totally agree, it is the greatest privilege, it's such an honour that people do trust you, that you've created a safe space for them to be seen, for them to be heard, for them to be understood, because we all have stories inside of us. Like you obviously have that niche market of the veterans and first responders, and I have everyday warriors, and I said everyday warriors because inside of us we are all just everyday human beings, but we're all in this fight for our lives, whether that's a big long battle or it's one battle at a time. We all go through stuff in our lives, and just like you did in your early 20s, you went through some shit, you stood on the cliff race, like right on the precipice of what do I do? And we make our decisions based on that, and how we move forward in our lives is dependent on our mindset and our support networks, and who is there to listen to our story.

Adam 40:37

Absolutely, and I think you know, you brought up a very valid point, and I said it in my book that if my mate hadn't have answered the phone that day, I don't know if I would have I don't know if I would have walked back to the edge and gone through with it. I honestly don't know because one phone call can make a difference. It really can and like I say it to people all the time that you just don't know what someone is going through and that just answering that phone, they could be at like I was, right at the edge, ready to or a first responder could be and uh get their gun out and want to put it in their mouth, or uh we don't know what they're going through, but just to be to be s like as you said, to be seen, to be heard, to know that someone cared, that's a big thing, and you know, since I've gone on into the mental health space, which is where I am now, I've actually gone on to I'm a mental health first aider, and I've really got into how mental health uh affects others, and I've got and we'll talk about it the holistic approach that I've gone down since that fateful day. If you asked every single person, which unfortunately we can't do, that has taken their life, if you if we had a chance to ask, and I'm often asked, did I want to kill myself that day, Trudie? And the honest answer is no. No, I didn't. I wanted the pain to stop. That's what I wanted to stop. I wanted that pain, that and a mate of mine, a Victorian police officer, he asked me the question in his podcast, and I couldn't answer it. He said, Ads, explain the pain to me. And I didn't have an answer to and he said and I asked him, and he said, Ads, I don't have an answer for you either. And he said, Every single person I've ever asked can never answer that what that pain is like, and it's undescribable. You you can't explain you can it's putting it into words, there's nothing that there's nothing to measure it to that would give it justice, if that makes sense.

Trudie Marie 42:56

Oh no, it totally does, because even at my rock bottom, when I became diagnosed with complex PTS, and then I was diagnosed with major depression, and then I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, because I could barely get out of bed, let alone walk out my front door. And to be honest, that period of my life, even though it's relatively short, as in not years, it was only months, I don't remember a lot of that time, it was such a blur. But I get what you're saying about the pain because you cannot put it into words, you are almost numb to the point that you don't even know how to put one foot in front of the other. And that's become my new mantra is that we move through life as a journey, whether it's a healing journey, a trauma journey, whatever the case may be, but we do it one step at a time.

Rock Bottoms Return And Two Millimetre Shifts

Adam 43:54

Absolutely, and for me, it was exactly like as you said, you know. You're like a zombie, and there was days where I didn't want to get out of bed. I was in my safe haven in my room, and the world I I just wanted to pull the sheets and the duner up over my head and go, Yeah, I can't face the world today, I'm done. And but then as I started to change and I started to come out of that that bad space. What I and I interviewed an amazing human being, and I'm gonna connect you two up because he's an absolute gem of a human, and his name is McQuilte Quirk. He was blown up in Afghanistan, he died three times, he hit he was blown out of a out of a bushmaster, and on impact he died, they got him back, he died on the stretcher, they got him back again, and then he died on the helicopter and they got him back again for the third time. And he is he lives with eight to ten pain every day, and he has to have medication to numb the pain in the morning and numb the pain at night. And he came up with a mantra, and I often I use it ever I use it to this day. He said, Adam, the first three steps that we take in any single day are the hardest steps that we will take in in that day. If we can take those three steps, we can achieve anything, and it is so true, and as you just said, if you take just those two steps, one foot in front of the other, it's in your book, Trudie, it's exactly what you said. You were one foot in front of the other doing that amazing trek that you did, rediscovering and finding who you were. It was one step in front of the other, and that's what life is. Like I've got my mentor now, and we talk about it every single day. It's the two millimeter shifts, every single day, and that's what it is. That's life. It's two millimeter shifts. And people go, and I had someone reach out to me the other day and say, What do you mean by two millimeter shifts? And I said, Well, you're taking action, you're two millimeters, it doesn't seem like much, but it's at the end of a seven-day week, it's 14 millimeters. So you're you're shifting forward every single day, every single week, you're growing in your steps are growing, you'll start small, you'll move a rock, and then eventually you'll start to move mountains, and then momentum builds, confidence grows, and it's those two millimeter shifts every single day, and you keep yourself accountable. And when I started, for me, just getting out of bed and making coffee, I treated that as a win. Then I'd go, then I'd grab my coffee and walk out the back, and I'd go, well, that's another win. Then I'd go, if I can do this, then I can walk to the end of my street, that's another win. And then I'm like, well, if I can walk to the end of my street, then I can walk to the top of the hill. And then I was like, okay, so I can get to there, and then I went, well, if I can get to here, what's stopping me from going around the block? And then you just build, and that's how I built my that's how I started to build my confidence and rebuild, and basically, as I said in the book, I I became Adam 2.0 from virtually walking away from the edge of that cliff. Adam 2.0 was born, and I look at my life now. The old Adam, he died that day. He did, and the new Adam was born.

Trudie Marie 47:14

And I think you could say the same for this year, because you've had a pretty rough year this year where life has presented its issues with you again, and I think 2026 is going to be Adam 3.0 because what this year has put you through has not been the same as what the last ten years have been.

Grief, Dementia, Floods, And Regrounding

A Holistic Playbook For Mental Fitness

Adam 47:36

Yeah, this year, Trudie has really it has tested me on all levels. It has tested me on emotionally, it's tested me physically, it's tested me psychologically and spiritually as well. And this year at the start of the year, we were supposed to welcome into the world my beautiful little niece, and my sister-in-law had a stillborn at 40 weeks, and I can and I'm gonna get a little bit emotional, Trudie. Um I can tell you now, carrying my little niece's coffin, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. All my challenges of where I've got to it nothing can compare to seeing that little tiny coffin carrying it in beside your brother who has lost his daughter and there is nothing you can do to take the pain away. Yeah, it was it was tough. Getting up and actually speaking and saying goodbye to my little angel who I never met, I never got to hold her. Yeah, it was bloody hard, and it was hard on all of us. And I've I moved up to Port Macquarie where I live now with my mum and dad and my dad's got dementia, and so that has been a challenge as well to I thought I was prepared. I thought being a first responder, I you know, both you and I have faced trauma and I thought I'm gonna be okay, this'll be okay, and I'll be able to handle this. And it it's been hard to see your hero slowly fade away every day, and every day I notice a difference and it's the little things that's the the things where he puts his hands up to my mum's face and just to and she goes, What are you doing? And he said, I don't want to forget you. And that it breaks your heart, it really does. And so I've had that. So I've had the loss of my little niece, dad with his dementia, moving up to up here, it's it rained for 14 weeks, so we had floods, so I didn't work. I had to sell my car, I got down to $27 in the bank, and I got to a point, Trudie, where the black dog crept back in again, and with all the work that I've done, everything compiled, and I got to a point where it got too much, and I cop some criticism from some first responders who I thought were friends, and a couple of veterans as well, that basically humiliated me on social media and spoke out on social media about me, and something that I was actually trying to do to help first responders. Actually, I was actually trying to put an event together with other first responders, and so that really hurt. That and one of the one of the first responders actually had a chapter in my book, and so he's he read my story and to publicly out me that really hurt because I saw him as a father figure, and uh yeah, it really hurt. I got to a point that things started to fall apart, and everything that I I thought I had I was on top of, it turned out I wasn't, and I remember the night I went down to the beach, I fell to my knees, and I burst into tears and I just looked up to God and said, What do you want from me? I'm doing everything you ask, and I can't see a way out. It and s send me a sign that I'm meant to be here or I'm done. I I surrender again, I'm done. And at that moment, two shooting stars came into the sky, and I realized one was my Nen and one was my late good friend Nick who passed away in 2023. And the next day I went out and actually started to work and help with the cleanup of the floods, and seeing people there's nothing more humbling than doing work to help others when they've lost everything, and it puts it in perspective that you actually you're actually doing better than you think, and I was lucky because I've got a roof over my head, I've got a warm bed, I've got food in my stomach, I've got clean clothes, and I've got family and friends that love me, so I'm the richest man in the world. And it wasn't until I went and did that work and was humbled again and put back in my place to realize that there's people that have lost everything, you've got no money, but that's okay. Money comes and goes, and it'll come back. And so for me, that was a really humbling moment to really set me again, and it started my journey of, and we'll talk about it now, the holistic approach.

Trudie Marie 52:38

Yeah, and I just want to say two things inside of all of that is first the loss of a child can never be comprehended. I don't think whether it's somebody close to you or it happens to you personally. I don't think as parents we are ever capable of comprehending burying our child. And then you look at the other perspective with our parents to start to lose them before they're even gone, as in the Alzheimer's and dementia, that they become a shadow of the person you knew them to be. I think sometimes death would be a lot easier, and I don't say that lightly, but it's a whole different journey when you start to lose them while they're still here. So that's in itself a huge big journey. Then to become unemployed inside of all of that, which brings me to my next part of the story is that number two, our journey isn't over just because we got some help at one point in our life. Yes, in your early 20s, you were standing on the precipice going, what am I doing with my life? But 10 years later, you're standing on a beach going, what is the same question? What is with my life? And it doesn't matter how much you do and how much self-help you get or how much therapy you get, the healing journey is an ongoing one that will last you for years. And I don't think we ever we never go back to who we were, and how we choose to go through life is based on where we're at and the support we get, which brings us to your holistic journey now because some people opt for the medication journey, and that's not wrong, it's what works for them, but then other people like yourself and I we opt for a more holistic approach because it better aligns with who we are and who we want to be moving forward.

Sleep, Social Media, And Staying In Your Lane

Adam 54:52

Yeah, I and I love what you said there is that it's a daily check-in on yourself. It really is, it's not and I realize that I still do self-reflection, I still journal every day, and I look back on three months ago and I look to where I am now, and it's chalk and cheese. It is so different to where I was three months ago because I was in the hole, and I realize a lot of that was I was grieving, and I was grieving the loss of my little niece, and also as you mentioned with my dad, this is the long goodbye, and I actually basically I'm gonna say it twice like I'm gonna say goodbye to who my dad is now, and then when he actually passes, it's again, so uh yeah, it's been a journey, and the holistic approach for me, like I started, and people say to me I'm weird, and yeah, I am, I'm a weirdo, and you know what, I'm proud of it, I love it. What works for me might not work for other people, but I often say, Well, find what works for you, you know. And I was on medication for a long time too, and then eventually I went, No, there's got to be another way, and if medication helps other people, great. Like if that's what if that's what helps you, I absolutely encourage it, go for it. But for me and you, we went down the holistic approach and it's working, it's aligned, and as you said, it aligns with me. Like every morning I get up, Trudie, and I often ask people what's the first thing that you do in the morning, and they say, Oh, we look at our phones. I don't. I hit the alarm, and for 20 minutes I have complete silence and I meditate and I visualize, and the first thing I say is I do my prayer, my visualization, my gratitude work, and I the first thing I say to every morning is I'm blessed to be alive again today, and it's a blessing, and I find 10 things that I'm grateful for, and if I can't find ten things, I don't get out of bed until I find ten things that I'm grateful for, and then I get up, I go and meditate outside, and I actually go and put my feet on the grass, and I just close my eyes, and I'm centering myself and rooting myself to there's a reason trees are rooted to the ground, because if you look in if you look around Australia and around the world, what do we have that is everywhere? We have concrete, we don't have parks anymore, we're living in high-rise buildings, we have kids that don't want to go outside, they want to just play games and they're depressed because they're not getting out into nature and getting vitamin D and all the things that we need, our bodies need and thrive on to make us good, happy beings. So that's what I do. I sit there for 20 minutes and complete silence, and I just listen to nature and I get back to nature, and then I go in and I have a cold shower, and that is my go-to every morning. That is what I do. I go to work and I'm buzzing, like I'm alive, and it's quite funny because the other day I actually got called in for a random drug test. They wanted to see that I was they thought I was on they thought I was high on drugs, and it was quite funny because I said, No, I'm and they said, Would you mind doing a a drug test? And I said, Sure, not a problem. More than happy to, not a problem. And I was negative, and they said, Why are you so happy? And I said, because I'm happy, I'm in my zen, I'm in my peace, and I'm doing what works for me every single day. The biggest thing I found is if I'm sleeping well, I'm eating right, I'm exercising, I'm journaling, I'm doing my ice baths, that makes me in my best, that makes me the best version of myself. And if I if one of those things slips, that is where my performance drops and I feel it straight away. If I have a bad night's sleep, bang, I have a shit day. If I have a good night's sleep and I do all my other and no matter even if I have a bad sleep and I still do every other everything that I've said every day and I have a shit sleep, I still feel like crap. And I've realized how important sleep is to make you function to the best of your ability. And as you would know, us as first responders, our sleep pattern is shit because you are on day shift, you're on night shift, you're being a volunteer fire. If the pager goes off at three in the morning, guess what? I'm going down to the five and I'm getting in the truck, and so it's a disturbed sleep. And so what I found is my sleep is so important, and limiting yourself from social media, and because the worst thing that I've found, and what I in this journey of where I've got to is I used to compare myself so much to others of well, I'm seeing them smash it on social media. That's only one minute of their life. They put the best bit up for 23 and a half other hour or 23 hours and 58 seconds, they could be on the floor in the fetal position. It's what and what I realized is the devil wants to steal your to take your joy, and so now I don't compare. I just I stay in my lane and I'm off social media as much as I can, and it's really got me to I'm in the best shape, and I said that to you when we started right now I'm in the best mental state I've been in for a very long time.

Peace With Mortality And Daily Courage

Trudie Marie 1:00:34

And it's so happy to hear that you can redirect your thoughts, redirect your energy to focus on the positive, and you're right, it's the little things that we do each day that are good for us because journaling is not for some people, meditation's not for some people. There are so many different modalities or different tools out there. It's like walking. I often describe it as the analogy of walking into a tool shed with an empty tool belt and putting into it what you want to put into it that makes it work for you because it's not the same for everybody, everybody's on a different journey, everybody has different ideas about things, and at the end of the day, you have to do what works for you so that you can live the best life.

Adam 1:01:28

Absolutely, and like the work that I've gone on to do with Beyond Blue now, you're exactly right, is these are the tools that I have in my toolkit that make me the best version of myself, and it's find what works for you. And like as you and I have said, life is it's a roller coaster ride, it's like a heartbeat rhythm, it's there's times where it's up, there's times where it's down, but don't be you like everyone's so fascinated with the destination, but they're not enjoying the journey and stopping to really take in that journey and enjoy the ride. Recently someone said to me, uh, do you fear death? No, I don't. I don't fear death. Because every day since I've walked away from the cliff that day, Trudie, is a blessing. And if my card was to be dealt that I don't wake up tomorrow, I'm at peace. I'm totally at peace with what I've accomplished in my life and where I'm at right now. Look, I hope I live a long, long life. I really do, because life is the greatest gift. It is an absolute blessing to be here and walk the and you know walk this earth. But if I was to go tomorrow and not wake up after you and I had this conversation, I'm okay with it. I've made peace with it because the sooner that people make peace with death, the sooner you're not living in fear, and that's the biggest thing that you can take away is that so many people fear death. No one gets out of this alive. We're born, and the only two certainties in life are death and taxes. That's it. The rest is up to you. And I think that just comes with a lot of I think a lot of inner work, as you've done as well. That once you get at peace with dying, I think it just frees you up to just go and live your life and just know that just treat every day as it could be your last, and then and the next day that you're here, just try and be better than you were the day before. That's what I've learned, Trudie. That's where I'm at at the moment.

Trudie Marie 1:03:34

It's such a beautiful lesson and reminder of why we're all actually here. I want to thank you so much for being on the show today, for sharing so vulnerably such a difficult story. It has been an incredible insight into what you've been through and potentially what others go through as well.

It’s Not Weak To Speak & Closing

Adam 1:03:58

Yeah, absolutely. And Trudie, if I can give any advice to anyone out there who is struggling, it's not weak to speak. It's actually a sign of strength. Like I know myself that if I didn't put my hand up ten years ago and ask for help, I wouldn't be here talking to you today. I honestly wouldn't. And my work now is getting out there to tell men, because men are the worst, at oh, it's weak to speak. That's bullshit. It's absolute bullshit. It really is. I will continue to advocate until there's not a breath left in my body that it is not weak to speak. It's actually a sign of strength and takes and speaking up takes courage, but speaking up saved my life, and it can save your life too.

Trudie Marie 1:04:45

And I always end my podcast by asking, what is the one thing you were most grateful for today?

Adam 1:04:52

The one thing that I'm most grateful for today is I'm actually grateful before I jumped on with you that my PT cancelled and I could have stayed home, but the one thing that I'm grateful for is I went for a run, and my whole night was changed, and I was supposed to go and do a PT session before I came on with you, but I adapted, I was fluid, dynamic, and I went for a run, and I kept myself accountable. So that's what I'm grateful for today. And I'm just I'm grateful for my family, and I'm grateful that you and I finally got to catch up and record this podcast because you're an absolute legend, and yeah, I you're really dear friend, and thank you for having me on your podcast.

Trudie Marie 1:05:37

Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday Warriors Podcast. If you have an idea for a future episode or a story you'd like to share yourself, then please reach out and message me. As I am always up for real, raw, and authentic conversations with other Everyday Warriors. Also, be sure to subscribe so that you can download all the latest episodes. As they are published, and spread the word to your family and friends and colleagues so they can listen in too. If you're sharing on social media, please be sure to tag me so that I can personally acknowledge you. I'm always open to comment about how these episodes have resonated with you, the listener. And remember, lead with love as you live this one wild and precious life.