Episode 56 - Shaun Free: Man on Fire

A propane truck, a failed valve, a cloud of freezing fuel and a fireball that wiped out a whole workshop and changed Sean’s life in an instant. Calling in from Idaho, Shaun walks us through the day in March 2018 when he was burned across 46% of his body and made a decision that still stuns me, he sprinted for a snowbank and lay there to cool down. Doctors later told him that one instinctive move likely helped save his face from skin grafts as well as his life. 

We talk candidly about what severe burns really mean, the percentage numbers, third-degree damage and the relentless reality of skin grafts and daily wound care. Shaun shares how he kept his head straight through pain, fear and setbacks like pneumonia, MRSA, hearing loss and even a near-death experience. He also explains the long-term challenges burn survivors live with, including grafted skin that doesn’t sweat, overheating risk, hydration habits, sun protection and the extra planning it takes to live fully again. 

The conversation goes deeper into PTSD and triggers that linger years later, like the “whoof” sound of gas appliances, plus the mental loops that can take hold when your body has been through trauma. Shaun’s approach is simple and hard-earned, take back control, find the good where you can and keep chipping away. We also get into how he uses tattoos over skin grafts, humour, motorcycle instruction and knife making as practical therapy and as a way to turn scars into meaning. 

If you care about resilience, trauma recovery, burn injury rehabilitation or honest conversations about mental health, this one will stay with you. Subscribe, share with someone who needs a steady dose of hope, and leave a review with the line that hit you the hardest.

Connect with Shaun on Instagram here or check out his page to see his incredible knives and photos of his tattoo's.

Transcript

First Moments After The Blast

Shaun 0:00

No, I was still kind of I didn't because it's weird, I didn't really, I could only see out. It's like I hadn't seen a reflection or anything. And my hands were all because I had thick is cold. All the metal is propane is negative 40 degrees, so all that piping is really cold. So I had some thick lever gloves on. So I didn't the hands weren't burnt. My arms were a little, I couldn't tell that my whole back of my head was really bad. My left torso was really bad. I have skin graphs that go from like my calf up to my shoulder on the left side.

The 2018 Propane Truck Explosion

Trudie Marie 0:38

This is the Everyday Warriors Podcast, where courageous guests share the truth of what they've survived, what they've learned, and how they have rebuilt their lives. I'm your host, Trudy Marie. Listen to these stories of resilience, purpose and hope so you can remember you're not alone. Please note that the following podcast may contain discussions or topics that could be triggering or distressing for some listeners. I aim to provide informative and supportive content, but understand that certain things may evoke strong emotions or memories. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in need of support while listening, I encourage you to pause the podcast and take a break. Remember that it is okay to prioritise your well-being and seek assistance from trained professionals. There is no shame in this. In fact, it is the first brief step to healing. If you require immediate support, please consider reaching out to Lifeline on 13, 11, 14 or a crisis intervention service in your area. Thank you for listening and please take care of yourself as you engage with the content of this podcast. Before we dive into today's episode, if you'd like to support the show and go a little deeper, you can subscribe to Everyday Warrior Moments. These are short personal episodes from me released between guest conversations. A few minutes of reflection, perspective, and encouragement. You can also visit my new website and apply to be a guest and share your own story. Or you can explore the Everyday Warrior journal if you're ready to write your story in your own words. All the links you'll find in the show notes. Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Warriors podcast. And today I have a guest calling in from the United States, Idaho in particular. And I would like to welcome Sean to the show.

Shaun 2:50

Oh, thank you. Glad to be on here.

Trudie Marie 2:53

I'm very happy to have you today. And when I first read about your story, I was keen to hear more about it. So I really want to take you back to 2018 when your life literally changed forever.

Shaun 3:08

Yeah, it was March 13, 2018. I was working on a propane truck. It was a 3,000-gallon delivery truck I had to do some maintenance on. So I was going to evacuate that part of the system. While I was doing that, the valve had one of the valves had failed. And so I was trying to get it to shut down. That tank had lost 10% of the liquid. I could tell by the gauge on the back, it's like 300 gallons of liquid propane. Created like a really thick cloud because it was cold, there was still snow out. So I was trying to figure out get the truck to shut down. Uh I jumped underneath the truck because there's a air valve that holds that that operates it, and or air ram. And when I unhooked the airline from it, that's when I just heard that backdrop sound. Like if you put too much gas in the barbecue, I started whoop and then the flames wrapped around and hit me. So I rolled over and I covered up when an explosion happened. Once the dust and smoke cleared, I crawled out from underneath the truck and I realized there was a 40 by 60 shop that used to be next to me, it was now gone completely. And I just looked around trying to figure out what's happening, and noticed I was burned on the inside of my arms. And so I saw a snowbank and I ran over, just tried to do a swan dive right in a snowbank. It was like it took a long time. I remember looking at my arms, going, Oh, I'm gonna look like Deadpool when this is all over. It's gonna be terrible. We just me and my friends just watched that weekend, and I don't have you seen it or at the end with the outtakes. I just heard party like, oh, I'm gonna look like an avocado. Just hate fuck the topographical map of Utah. It's just terrible. That's why I'm taking out run into the dang snowbank. So I just jump in the snow and I could hear all the snow crackling and sizzling. So I just lay in there trying to figure out what happened. This woman came up and goes, Hey, we gotta get out of here. I don't know where she came from. I still don't know who she is. But I rolled over, and at that time I'd realized I had one boot on and a loincloth of what was left of my pants, and all the rest of my clothes were melted off of me or on me. So I lifted up the loincloth. I was like, okay, we're gonna be alright. Everything's good. She's like, hey, we have we gotta get out of here. And I and just ended up those trucks have a excess pressure valve, a pressure relief valve, and that purged, and when it did, it shot a flame like 200 feet in the air. It was a gigantic flame, and she's like, It's gonna blow up. I go, nope, the truck was doing its job, we're we're safe. So I just laid in the snow until I cooled off a little more and walked to the side of the road and saw the sheriff there. So I like part of my pants was left my pocket knife and my wallet and my ring. So I took that off and asked him to send it to my wife. And he's like, ah he was the look on his face, he was pretty much well in shock. Have this naked guy walk up with burned up, handing him stuff. But I remember taking my ring off and told him to ship, use my address on my wallet. And then somebody asked me if I wanted to call my wife. So I gave him my wife's phone number and he goes, anything you want me to tell her? I go, I'm pretty busted up, but I'm gonna be okay. And he just told me no. He walked away and started talking to her.

Trudie Marie 6:38

I can only begin to imagine what that must have been like for you. And just going back, I want to reference the fact that you one, your first thought was like, I'm gonna look like Deadpool. Because I think that's hilarious. And had you not just watched the movie, that may not have been the reference that you had. The second thing I want to address is the fact that you looked at the loincloth that you said was your pants and were like, Yep, my anatomy is okay. I'm still a man, it's all good.

Shaun 7:09

Okay.

Trudie Marie 7:10

But then had it not been snowing and the date that it happened, I mean, if it had been the middle of summer, we're talking about a whole different kettle of fish here. But the fact that you were able to just have the instinct to go, I just need to go and lie in the snow. That did that help your situation? Like looking back now and what happened with medically moving forward, was that initial lying in the snow beneficial for you?

Shaun 7:35

They're pretty the doctors are pretty sure that's why I didn't have to receive skin graphs on my face. Because my whole head and face was burnt, my ears were burnt really bad. So that was if it was any more of a degree, they would have had to do skin graphs. So me laying in just laying in there and not moving until I cooled off is probably what saved me.

Trudie Marie 7:56

Potentially saved your life, not just the fact that you didn't have to have grafts on your face or anything, but potentially actually saved your life.

Shaun 8:04

Yeah.

Trudie Marie 8:05

And the fact that you said that you gave the sheriff your rings when you said, I'm gonna be okay, tell my wife I'm gonna be okay, and he's like, No, did you even unbegin to understand the extent of your injuries at that stage?

Shaun 8:21

No, I was still kind of I didn't because it's weird, I didn't really I could only see out. So like I hadn't seen a reflection or anything, and my hands were all because I had thick is cold, and all the metal is propane is negative 40 degrees, so all that piping is really cold. So I had some thick lever gloves on. So I didn't the hands weren't burnt. My arms were a little, I couldn't tell that my whole back and my head was really bad. My left torso was really bad. I have skin crafts to go from like my calf up to my shoulder on the left side.

Trudie Marie 8:57

Wow.

Shaun 8:58

But that's all my because I rolled over and covered everything up, so it's just my whole back that got burnt. I couldn't see from the front everything. I could see burns, but it didn't look terrible.

Trudie Marie 9:10

Okay, so from what you could see at the time, it didn't seem so bad. It probably felt worse, I can imagine.

Shaun 9:17

Adrenaline. I didn't feel much of it until I walked into the back of the ambulance, and then I just told the guys, hey, can you give me some stuff? Adrenaline's gonna the other part is propane's so hot it burns the nerves back a little bit. So it is kind of weird. I didn't really even notice the pain until I'd gotten to the ambulance.

Trudie Marie 9:37

Wow. And how much of your body, because I know when you are a burns victim, they talk about the percentage of the body and the degree of burns. What was that for you?

Shaun 9:51

46% was burnt, and that was all third-degree requiring most of it was requiring graphs.

Trudie Marie 9:58

I bet you when you went to work that day and went about your normal shift that you never would have thought that how many hours later that nearly 50% of your body would never be the same again, and that your whole life would be altered in that moment.

Shaun 10:18

Yeah, that's what I tell people the thing I'll miss the most, what I lost, is I no longer can think it won't happen to me. Because like the one in a million, I got struck by lightning. So it's like now it's I'm a little more cautious with some stuff, but that's one thing that's gonna really change. But before none of us really think that it was gonna happen to me. So you don't really yeah, you just go to work like it's normal work, which in the I was a mobile propane tech. I traveled all over the northwest. I put 60 something thousand miles on my truck a year, so I was always on the road, but you never think it's gonna be something like that.

Trudie Marie 10:57

And you said that you had to give your the sheriff your rings to post to your wife using the address in your wallet. So obviously you were on the road at the time that it happened. At that moment, did you like that? Must have been so hard for you, not having the support right there. It's not like your wife could just get in her car and go to the hospital and be with you. What was that like being so far away from your loved ones at the time?

Shaun 11:23

Yeah, I was over, I was a thousand something miles away from them at the time. I was up in the capital of Montana, and we're down in the capital of Idaho. That's one of the things they asked me when I got to the hospital. It's like, where do you want to go? I how I was coherent in making decisions at the time, I have no, it doesn't make sense, but I was like, my family lives in eastern in the northwest, so I just picked the burn center that was closest to them. Process of staying calm.

Family Distance And Will To Live

Trudie Marie 11:51

Oh, and how you even began to stay calm and make those kind of decisions when this has just happened to you. And obviously, they notified your wife. Did you have children at the time?

Shaun 12:04

Yeah, I had my daughter was 13 and my son was eight. He just turned eight a couple weeks before. My father died pretty young. I was I was 26 when he died. My sister was 15. And I just like when I was walking to the ambulance, I was like, and I can't, I can't go anywhere. Like I had to go be, you know, had to survive this because I just couldn't let my daughter go through what my sister had to, losing a parent that young.

Trudie Marie 12:34

Oh, so it's like a second trauma. You're not just dealing with the trauma that has happened to you, but you're dealing with a childhood trauma or a young adult trauma that's now coming back, and you're dealing with both. Like, I it was that your will to live and get through this? Is it like I'm not going to abandon my children?

Shaun 12:52

Yeah. I knew that I just couldn't I just couldn't do it to them.

Trudie Marie 12:58

Wow. And what for you was like just thinking about that as a parent? Like, I know that's my biggest thing, even when I was a police officer, that I wanted to go home to my children. That was my biggest thing as at every the end of every shift was go home to my children. How was that for you as a dad? But how was it for your children going through obviously the long period of treatment that you would have had to undergo for your burns? Like you said, you had grafts. What was that like for you for you as a dad and your kids watching you do that?

Shaun 13:32

Well, for me, it was what just pushed. I I've always been bull-headed, just I'm just bite down on the mouthpiece and keep pushing. So that was just my I had to just keep pushing forward. It wasn't stopping, was an option. That was my target, was those two. Well, my wife and the kids.

Trudie Marie 13:50

Yeah, and for them, did they ever say anything to you or visit you in the hospital and stuff? What was it like for them?

Shaun 13:57

The first time they saw me was on Easter, March 13th. They made it their Easter, and that was the first time that was when I just learned how to walk again. So it's the first time back on my feet. When the explosion happened, it really it must up the hearing and here. So my left ear is decoration now. It gave me double pneumonia in both lungs. And during that, one of the surgeries for that, I coded, had a near-death experience in that. And then I remember I was trying to talk to my wife and she wasn't responding. We were in a dining hall, and I could see the Seattle cityscape, and I was just like, we gotta go. There's a I'm being told there's a party, and we're supposed to go to it, and she's ignoring me, and I just I started getting mad. That's when I woke up. But it is from that point on, it was just a driving, I couldn't, I couldn't stop. Kind of derailed for a minute there. With that, I was pretty bedridden because I had skin grafts on the back of my legs. I was hooked to machines just to keep me alive, respirators for the first couple weeks, and then they saw me at the one-month mark, and I could start walking again. That was a long answer to the simple question.

Trudie Marie 15:11

I didn't even realize that amongst the multiple surgeries, which are dangerous in themselves, any surgery, but now you're in this condition to have surgeries, and like you said, you coded and had a near-death experience. I can understand the need or the drive to get better for your children. Was there anything that motivated you through that time? Words of wisdom that kept you going?

Shaun 15:38

So it's I tell everybody it's like anytime you're in stuff like that, it's just mental gymnastics. I listened to Jocko Wellink. He has a discipline equals freedom is a soundtrack he has on Apple iTunes. It's like a I think of as a hit list with audiobook. If you're struggling with something, you can just pick a track. And his one is good. It talks about it doesn't matter what life throws at you, just you have to find the good out of that. And that's um when I got my phone, my old phone was melted. So when I got a new phone and I could put hearing uh airpods in, I would just listen to that every morning when I woke up, and then it just kind of helped get me into mindset for wound care, because like wound care is just that just sucked. Because 46% of you is burnt, but whatever good skin you have left, they harvest to repair your other skin. And during wound care, every day they'd unwrap you because I look like a mummy, and then scrub you down, shave all the hair off my head so the little nubs trying to grow through the burnt skin, they have to get all the dead skin off. So it's not a very good time. And when it first started, it was three hours a day. So just to get in the mindset to ramp up to go in for that, it really, really helped a lot. And then as it progressed, you just start changing the target of what's good of that situation. Really helped. I still listen to it pretty often.

Trudie Marie 17:06

That's good to see that something helped you during that time because I didn't even think about the fact that you're not just dealing with the burns on the part of your body that are now injured, but the fact that they're having to do skin grafts and harvest from good parts of your body, it's almost like now 75-80% of your body is just like, oh my god.

Shaun 17:28

Yeah, it's kind of yeah, it's weird.

Trudie Marie 17:31

Were there any really low points during that period?

Shaun 17:35

There's a lot, there's just a lot of stuff going on. I mean, mentally, it's just hard because I was really, really fortunate between my mom, my sister, and my wife. I was somebody who was with me at the hospital every day. I think there was one day there wasn't, and they were way more upset about it than I was. So it's like I had a really good support group. So when I did have my lows, there was somebody there to but there's some days are pretty daunting. Just when you're first trying to learn how to walk again, and it gets pretty low points some days when you just can't do what you want, or your body won't let you do what you want.

Trudie Marie 18:09

Yeah, it must be difficult going through something that is not just a mental challenge, but it's a physical challenge combined, and you've got to balance out both of them. And especially, like you said, you had to start to learn to walk again, given that you were probably so fit and healthy in the lead up to this, like doing your job, that you're now at it like almost total incapacitation.

Shaun 18:34

Oh, I was a CrossFit addict when I go on into that. So I was deadlifting 450 pounds and running a seven-minute mile and a pretty good shape. So you know, it to go from that to having to push your button for somebody to come help you go to the bathroom is kind of it's humbling some days. Say the least.

Trudie Marie 18:56

I can only begin to imagine. And so, how long did that period of care and obviously rehabilitation take for you? I'm guessing it wasn't a quick fix.

Rehab Grit And Unexpected Setbacks

Shaun 19:09

Well, I was a remarkably fast. One of my nurses said she's been a nurse for 22 years, she's never seen anybody come back like I did. Um, I went in March 13th, I then started walking, and then from that point I got walked out of the hospital May 4th. So it was like it was barely two months. I taught my first motorcycle class June 12th of 2018.

Trudie Marie 19:35

Wow, I was expecting like months and years, but you're here saying it's like a matter of weeks and months.

Shaun 19:42

I was supposed to leave the hospital sometime late July. But I was pretty dirt driven, and I think a big part of it was I was in really good shape. My body was not it was broken for just because you're doing CrossFit, you get broken because you're dumb. But I think I used to the punishment. But it's just I think it was the work because if I had to do one lap, I did three laps. And then if I if they wanted me to do three laps, I'd do 10. It just it didn't matter. And then when the FBI so I got investigated by the FBI, evidently used to blow trucks up. Like somebody does an investigation. They sent me my wallet and it still had my debit card in it, and it was melted, but it'd still work. So I when the nurses weren't paying attention, I'd walk down the stairs and go into the cafeteria and get donuts and come back up. They get mad at me for that one. I had to eat a lot. I was pretty hungry.

Trudie Marie 20:38

And I suppose it's a small wins as well. Like for you, when you're like you're so driven because your two children and your previous trauma are making you pay attention to how do I get better? But then at the same time, your body is in really good shape because of your CrossFit past, that you're it's not like a sick body or an unable body that's fighting this, you're quite a healthy body fighting this. And I know people who do CrossFit, and without sounding wrong, you're a weird bunch because you put your body through hell to do stuff, but you've got that drive from CrossFit as well. So who could deny you going down to the cafeteria and getting a donut if that was your little treat for the day for woo-hoo? I got this far then.

Shaun 21:33

They were worried I would fall down the stairs because like I I was still barely able to walk with a walker. So I just use the handrail and but when I was in wrestling, we ran stairs. So my brain was like, You want to get in shape? Stairs. It was forcing I'd have to get range of motion because all the graphs on the back of my legs, everything could be moving. And I'd swelled up to almost 280 something pounds from the water weight. So I'd put on 60 something pounds. So just all that extra weight and had to get worked out off and but everything's just swollen and so it was really good. The steps helped a lot with range of motion. And I was also, they had me eating 5,000 calories a day for just it's your body needs to repair itself. Yeah, I was but that was when I got to the eighth floor once I'd made it. That was the out of the ice. Yeah, it was in intensive care. Because I I got MERSA in my left leg. And so they had I was quarantined also. And then you saw me had to have all the gear on, and that caused me to have a second, they had to remove that skin graph and put another one on before I left from the MRSA.

Trudie Marie 22:39

Wow. So you've so it's a battle, even just in your recovery phase of secondary conditions and things like that that you're dealing with. That it really does prove that mindset and who you are and who you think you can be in the future is really important for your overall recovery. Because I'm guessing that somebody else who lay in bed and played victim to their circumstances and said, What was me? This, why did this happen to me? All that kind of stuff would have potentially had them leave the hospital in the July, August, whenever that was initially said. But you were so determined and had this vision of what you wanted for your future that were that you were out of there in what six or seven weeks?

Shaun 23:30

It was just over eight weeks, yeah.

Trudie Marie 23:32

I mean, that's incredible.

Shaun 23:34

Yeah.

Trudie Marie 23:36

And so tell me about life moving forward from that. You said that once you got out, you were starting to teach motorcycling, was it?

New Normal With Heat And Scars

Shaun 23:46

So I became an instructor in 2015. And I knew what I didn't want to do is be one of the people that like, oh, the my dad used to call it dweller. You just dwell on stuff. Like, you must just sister still joke about don't be a dweller. I I didn't want to be the guy to where if somebody comes over, my family has to go, oh, he was burned, but we just don't talk about it. You know, I want to be the guy like he got burned and just came back with vengeance and came back as success instead of just curling up. And I wanted to show my kids that that it doesn't matter what life throws at you, you just keep pushing back. Oh, I didn't want them to see me fail.

Trudie Marie 24:31

Yeah, it seems like your kids were just such a really big driver of your whole situation. So you became a instructor in 2015, and obviously you could you not go back to your previous job after all of this?

Shaun 24:46

No, my previous job no longer existed. But I guess what I was getting back to is I just really wanted to get back to what my new normal was going to be, not like, oh, I can't do this anymore. It's like I'm gonna still do this. Because being a burn survivor, there's a lot of pro like our bodies no longer sweat with the skin graphs. 46% of my body now won't sweat anymore, so I can't cool myself off. So like we really prone to heat exhaustion, heat strokes, and that. So in Idaho, we have our weather goes from 15 below to 115 throughout the year. It's we have all the seasons, so it's like I just I didn't want to have to hide inside all the time. So I just immediately wanted to start getting back to being outside and but in controlled exposure and just start working my body up to it. That was my big force of just getting out and as early as I could.

Trudie Marie 25:40

And so you decided to do that inside the motorcycle training. What was that new environment for you?

Shaun 25:48

It's weird because there's so much going on. It is so it's such a familiar thing, and it gives you focus. So I'm improving on this, it doesn't let me think about well, this hurts or this is uncomfortable, or was somebody looking at my scars, just all those thoughts that you'll get when you're burned, you know, you just start going out. I'm focused on making this task better and being better at this task, or making these riders better.

Tattoos Over Grafts And Owning Scars

Trudie Marie 26:17

And how do they relate to you inside of your experience? Because obviously, I'm guessing I don't ride a motorcycle myself, and I'm guessing that there is a lot of training, there's a lot of even fears around falling off and accidents that can happen there. But how did that impact the way you taught and the way your students related to you?

Shaun 26:42

I think part of it is because they can see the skin graphs. Um, on some hey, wear gear, because like skin graphs sucks, and don't make a joke. I can like, no, I know, trust me, I pay I have to put two tattoos here now. It's one was taken off, I gotta replace it. It sucks. So it's just kind of oh, I guess I get street cred out of it. Helps a little bit.

Trudie Marie 27:05

I love it, the street cred.

Shaun 27:08

Yeah.

Trudie Marie 27:09

And you said that you had to get tattoos replaced because of the skin grafts. Is that something that they can even do? Is like tattoo over skin grafts?

Shaun 27:21

Yeah, my guy he's he has never tattooed over a skin graft before, but he says he really likes it now because tattoo guys they always have a bad crude sense of humor. But he's like, they just I can't tattoo eight-month-old skin. So this is my only opportunity to tattoo eight-month-old skin. It's pretty nice. It takes ink really well. Now he's like, Oh, it's only eight-year-old skin, it's still it's great.

Trudie Marie 27:45

Yeah, wow, it's like only eight years since it happened. Have you replaced any tattoos or have you had any interesting artwork because of the graphs? Like I know from a female perspective, women who have had breast cancer surgeries go in, and often, if they've had to have mm partial or full massectomies, reconstructive surgery, they often get tattoo work to hide the scars or make the scars pretty. But what's it like for you? Obviously, if you enjoy getting tattoos, how have you worked that into your skin condition?

Shaun 28:20

Before my guy's pretty busy, he's a year out. So even before my accident, I had a two-day appointment scheduled that September. So I went to my appointment and we were repairing a lot of my sleeve that got damaged. And while he was tattooing me, we were talking about when I was leaving the truck and I was making jokes about looking like Deadpool, and he looked at my calf and he's like, Hey, when you're up for it, I want to do this on your leg. He wanted to use my skin graph as Deadpool's face, and he's very good at portraits. And I was like, Well, I'm already scheduled to be here tomorrow, so let's just try it. And then when I found out when I shared it with all my nurses, I'm still friends with some of them. I sent him pictures and they're like, We told you to wait a year. Like, you're supposed to wait a full year. I was like, I we're five days over six months. We're it's good. I'm running up. So it turned out really well. The wolver or the dead pole on my right leg healed really well. So with burned survivors, I always tell them if you want to get tattooed over it, think of what your skin integrity is. So my right leg healed really well, and the skin felt pretty thick by six months. So we tattooed a little spot and it held well, so we did the whole thing. It didn't hurt in some spots. I'd only feel a vibration because the nerve endings were all gone. Other spots would make up for that. They they make themselves well known. But tattoos aren't fun anyway, sometimes anywhere. So that wasn't bad. I then went and had another tattoo on my right leg. Um, it's a samurai that goes from knee to my ankle. It covers up another part of it. Looks pretty cool. It had a big mushroom claws burning behind it, so it's all burned stuff. Then my left leg, when Wolverine and Deadpool movie came out, I had him put a Wolverine on the left. But that was when it had MRSA and it had a bunch of complications. There's uh like a nerve ball in the middle of it. If it gets hit, this whole leg just goes away for a couple minutes. It's weird, just shuts off. So we have to avoid that piece. But even on the healthiest part of my left leg, it still hurts so bad I'll probably never do another tattoo on that leg. It just did so much, there's so much more nerve damage and everything on it.

Trudie Marie 30:31

Yeah, it's good that you can listen to your body inside of that and go, right, it's okay to work on my body over on this side, but on this side, there's a little bit more injury, and I'm not gonna force the issue there. But just the fact that when it all happened, you said, I'm gonna look like Deadpool. And now that you've used a piece of your scar tissue to actually create Deadpool's face, I just think is it's very cool and a very light-hearted way to look back on the whole situation. It's like a part of that will always be with you, but in a really fun way, and then to go and add Wolverine, any Marvel fan will know the humor inside of that.

Shaun 31:13

Well, part of it is because I I would notice because when you it's hard to notice my scars now because they've kind of like changed their same color as my legs. If I can tell, because it looks like a weird camel pattern to different, slightly different colored shades. But uh, when it first came out, they were way different, they were a lot darker red, and they had like barbecue grill pattern on them. So people would look at me weird, and so I figured if I made something funny and a so that they could approach me about it, it just lets people talk, makes them feel more easy about it, I guess. Because I it just and I also see a lot of other burden survivors try to hide their scars. I'm like, you gotta, there are, you might as well do something with them other than just not like them, to decorate them a little.

Trudie Marie 31:58

If you can't I love that you're owning that part of your life that this happened to me, and rather than hide it away and pretend that it didn't happen, you're actually fully embracing it. I know there's a Burns victim here in Australia named Taria Pitt, and she fully embraces who she is.

Shaun 32:17

She was a big inspiration for me.

Trudie Marie 32:19

Oh, really? Yeah, so I think the fact that you're able to take that on and just own this is what happened to me, this is how it turned out, and this is what I'm gonna do with it. And obviously, if tattooing is your thing and you're able to create something with that, then kudos to you for just making the most of a really bad situation.

Shaun 32:42

Well, it goes back to the good. You find what good can come out of it. You sometimes just have fun with it. I think if you can't laugh at at something or with something, it just has way too much power over you. That's how I look at it.

Trudie Marie 32:56

Yeah, good lesson to remember. And what does life look for you now? Not just from the sense of your training and what you're doing, like with the motorcycle stuff, but any future like surgeries that you have to have or medical conditions that you have to concern about or ways of living because of the fact that you are a burn survivor?

PTSD Triggers And Making Knives

Shaun 33:19

Uh yeah, hearing is like I said, this year, my left ear is pretty pretty bad because that's aside the blast hit. Tinnitus, not really loud ringing. That's just 24-7. And then I'll I can overheat pretty easy. So, like in the summer, the amount of water I drink is just I drink like a gallon a day. Just make sure I always have enough water in me. And then I use a lot, have to use a lot of like technical gear, like under armor. Because if I can't sweat one spot, my body will go, well, I'm gonna put a whole lot over here, so I use uh that stuff to help disperse it, keep me cool longer. I can do all the things I used to do, it just takes a lot more planning. That and skin cancer, we're really susceptible for skin cancer. Like I've I have SPF shirts and hats now instead of tanning oil, just big hats and long-sleeve shirts.

Trudie Marie 34:12

Totally understandable. You want to protect, you know, our skin is our biggest organ of our body, and you want to protect, like you've worked so hard to get where you're at now, you want to protect what you do have moving forward. Have you gone back to cross-fitting? Are you still able to?

Shaun 34:28

No, I don't know if that's just due to age, but like it's pretty crazy. So I learned how to walk in Easter, and I got pictures of me in June or July deadlifting 400 and something pounds again. Like the first time back in the gym, I was I squat 225, and it's having a really good strength base and having a really strong body, I think, really helped everything build back faster. Every day I could tie my shoes, that was a pretty big day. But just being active and going to the gym, I think, is another reason why I really recovered fast. Just keep that blood flowing.

Trudie Marie 35:06

Yeah, and it's just isn't it funny, the simple things of tying shoes that you need to look at the big thing of having to walk again, but then just the little things that each of those achievements is just another tick in the box to I'm going in the right direction, and you just take it one step at a time.

Shaun 35:25

Yeah. Now I do I just use a lot of kettlebells, just a lot slower, a lot more focused movement, so I don't get hurt anymore. Because that's just well, I feel like my body's still trying to come back from some parts of that. It's it's a pretty big, pretty big deal.

Trudie Marie 35:42

Yeah, the other thing I want to mention, obviously, we've talked a lot about the burns and the suffering and the things that go on with the physical. And you said mentally initially in the hospital you had a driving force, but I need to ask, what was the post-traumatic stress aspect of it like?

Shaun 35:59

Not a good time. I'd I'd give it a bad Yelp review for sure. Because it's like I don't know, I've always been an outdoors guy hunting, fishing, like campfires. It's like I didn't want to be afraid of fire. Uh so I and I was a knife maker before the accident. While I was in the hospital, I thought it'd be that's what I wanted to do. I was gonna make man-on-fire knives, is what I've settled on. So, but I didn't know how much it was gonna help me. But making knives, you forge the knife, you get it to shape, then you gotta get all the scratches out, and then you gotta shape it, and then you have so there's so many detail pieces. If you're struggling with intrusive thoughts and get stuck in a negative loop, you could just go out and just try to make an improvement on that knife, and then at the end of it, you have a tool, it's it's pretty gratifying to make things. I think that was a huge part of my recovery, just making art and making things in the garage, mostly knives. I actually built my propane forge when I got out of the hospital. That one made the wife a little upset when she caught me doing that. I was still wrapped in gauze from the hospital. She's like, please, just not today.

Trudie Marie 37:13

I'm gonna have to put my hand up inside with her. Like the fact that you've had this massive accident involving propane, and here you are as part of your recovery, no doubt. I'm gonna create something beautiful, but I need propane to do it with. Call you crazy in the moment.

Shaun 37:33

It was something I was already so used to. I'd been in that industry, and it's so it was just like I knew what happened to me was a freak accident, and I didn't want I'm really bad about anything having power over me. So if something scares me, I just I can't deal with it very well. So I just especially an everyday item like that. I also have five barbecues, so I'm I cook a lot of grilling and all that, so it's just it was gonna be part of my life. I might as well just hit it from the get-go.

Trudie Marie 38:00

I love that you've just been able to take what many people would see as such a negative and such a trigger that could downward spiral, and you've said, no, I'm not gonna allow that to happen. This is part of my life. It's a something we use every day. I love to cook, I want to create art, it's part of my therapy that I'm gonna allow me to become a victim to this thing that you're gonna take it head on and go, no, I own you, you don't own me.

Shaun 38:33

Yeah, it's a lot easier. It sounds really hard at the beginning, but if you don't dig the big hole before and get really afraid of something, you can it's easier at the beginning.

Trudie Marie 38:45

And do you still create your knives to this day?

Shaun 38:49

Yeah, no, I don't sell them anymore. One of my favorite So I my brain never has been working right. When I was in the hospital, I had staples. I don't know how many thousands of staples I had from the graphs. As they were removing them, I asked them to keep them all. And they threw one jar away. I had them keep the other jar, and I cast that in that material, and I use that in my knife in a couple knife handles. So it's just uh looks like clear red swirl blood with a bunch of medical staples all through it. One of my Damascus knives. It's pretty fun.

Trudie Marie 39:24

But again, you're just taking something that is totally morbid, but turning it into something that is it's a memory, but there's strength inside of that.

Shaun 39:36

Yeah, it's just taking control back of stuff. If I feel something has it, just I just can't let it. I don't want things like that to have power over me. It just that scares me more than anything, not being able to do what I want.

Trudie Marie 39:50

But that's such an important lesson, I think, for anybody, and regardless of what you're going through, is to not have something have control over you. And I know that's been a big lesson in my own journey is to not, yes, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress, but at the same time, it doesn't control what I'm doing in my life right now. You'll have moments, you'll have triggers, you'll have good days and bad days, but overall, you're the one that's in control of your life, not the thing that is there.

Shaun 40:23

All that said, I've had like you said, we all have good and bad days. There's like we have a gas stove in the house, a gas fireplace. When it turns off, that whoof sound, eight years later, that woof sound still gets me if I'm not prepared for it. We still I don't want to sound like I've never had them down days, because you do. Movies will trigger stuff, or the sounds of if I hear the sounds of hospitals and stuff like that, or that every once in a while if it catches me off guard, it those rough days, but it's better. Just keep on chipping away. That's all you can do.

What Trauma Changed In His Life

Trudie Marie 41:01

A hundred percent. Every day, one step at a time, moving forward. So looking back, obviously, that was eight years ago. What have you learned about yourself in that time that the Sean from 2018 going to work that day would not have realized?

Shaun 41:25

A lot more humble. I used to really think I knew a lot, and now I'm pretty sure I don't know anything. That's just a lot more spiritual than I used to be. Not so much religion, just another something. So that that's a big change for me. Just I study life a lot more than just try to run through it. My whole deal before was like just try to get as much done as possible. Now it's like, well, if you get 20 things done but don't enjoy any of them or remember any of them, why not just do 10 and have more fun and experience it better?

Trudie Marie 42:03

Oh, that's such a beautiful way to look at it. It's not about rushing through life, it's about enjoying the moments along the way.

Shaun 42:11

Yeah. Makes it a lot funner.

Trudie Marie 42:15

And what about your relationships with, like, for example, your wife and your kids? Like, how has that been? Because I'm guessing there would have been some really rough moments, apart from the propane gas incident, that has been testing through those times.

Shaun 42:31

Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's not easy. We've been married for 20, 25 years this year. But she's my rock. But it's like when you're going through that some of those just loops you get into, it just it gets hard. There's been some rough times, but overall it's been really I'm really lucky to have them all in my corner. It's pretty this might be when I get emotional again. It was about a month ago. Both my kids independently came up just like, hey, we're proud of you. You've really come a long way. I was like, duh. That one really hit me. I still did, dang it.

Trudie Marie 43:09

And it's okay because realistically, as a dad, that's probably the one thing that you want to represent to your children that you know you want you want to be proud of them, but you also want them to be proud of you as who you are as a person because it means that you've shown them something. So I know that I would be proud as a mum if my kids come up and said that. So I can only imagine after everything you've been through, to have your children acknowledge the journey that you've been on over the last eight years. I like I think you epitomize being an everyday warrior.

Shaun 43:46

Thank you.

Trudie Marie 43:47

Yeah.

Shaun 43:48

That's pretty it's pretty fun. The other thing with like I tell a lot more people I love 'em and I forgive a lot faster. If something upsets me, I'm just like, well, is getting angry gonna help this at all? And you just You gotta let it go. That's that's still a journey. I mean, there's some days it's easier than others.

Trudie Marie 44:08

As it is with life in general, I think. But it's those pearls of wisdom that come from experiencing something so life-altering.

Shaun 44:18

You know, when you find out there's an expiration date, it just kind of puts everything in perspective. And then I tell people, why would you want to go through a life-changing event and not change? Why would you waste going through all that shit to not turn it into something? You gotta make something out of it if you can.

Trudie Marie 44:38

Wow, that's so profound.

Shaun 44:42

It's all mental gymnastics.

Trudie Marie 44:44

Yeah, but I just love the fact that you've been able to reframe it as yes, this is a life-altering event, it's a life-changing event. And the old saying of nothing changes, nothing changes. But how can you go through something like that and then not change through it? Just words of wisdom right there.

Shaun 45:07

Yeah, it put puts perspective into it.

Trudie Marie 45:10

Like, I just want to bring up too, before we were chatting and hit record, you said that you were going back through memories and notes in your phone, and that something came up for you that had to do with your daughter. If you'd like to share that with the listeners, because I think that's also perfect given what you've just said.

Shaun 45:32

Yeah. Yeah, she drew me a couple pictures, and one of them she wrote on there it's a little tie-dye looking deal. It says, When it rains, look for rainbows, and when it's dark, look for stars. That was a big one when I was in there.

Trudie Marie 45:49

And it's little gems like that that just bring everything back into perspective and make you really appreciate the life you have.

Shaun 45:59

Oh, yeah, really appreciate. I'm really lucky to have the tribe of people around me I have. That's that we're just a really good little tribe. We've got long-term friends we've had for 20 plus years, all in each other's weddings, and it's to have that kind of community around you is really, really helpful.

Trudie Marie 46:17

And do you think the community is what has helped you get to where you are today? That you never had to go through this on your own.

Shaun 46:26

No, I never I knew I was as alone as I always felt, I knew I wasn't as alone. There was still always that I don't know the whole thing, I don't understand the whole PTSD, but you could be in a room full of people you love and still feel alone. So it's but even though I felt that alone, I knew I wasn't. There's always something in there.

Trudie Marie 46:48

Yeah, I do get what you're saying about the time where even though you have support and loved ones around you, that there are moments where you feel and I think it comes because only you know what you've experienced. Everybody else around you can see from the outside and give the help and support that they need, but it's only you in that moment that knows exactly how you feel. So I get those moments of feeling like you're alone, but I suppose overall just knowing that you had that support around you was helpful to your recovery and your journey, like your healing journey going forward.

Shaun 47:25

It's a good anchor for sure.

Trudie Marie 47:28

I want to thank you so much for being here today and vulnerably sharing your story and going through what you went through, but coming out with such positivity on the other side. As I mentioned previously, I think you just epitomize what it is to be an everyday warrior.

Gratitude And Closing Message

Shaun 47:47

Wow, thank you very much. It's been really I've really enjoyed this podcast. I've had a good time.

Trudie Marie 47:52

I'm so glad to hear that. And I always finish the episode by asking, what is the one thing you are most grateful for today?

Shaun 48:01

Breath, time. Time's one thing we can't get more of. That's one thing we can't make more.

Trudie Marie 48:08

Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday Warriors podcast. If you have an idea for a future episode or a story you'd like to share yourself, then please reach out and message me as I am always up for real, raw, and authentic conversations with other Everyday Warriors. Also, be sure to subscribe so that you can download all the latest episodes as they are published. And spread the word to your family and friends and colleagues so they can listen in too. If you're sharing on social media, please be sure to tag me so that I can personally acknowledge you. I'm always open to comment about how these episodes have resonated with you, the listener. And remember, lead with love as you live this one wild and precious life.