Episode 62 - Anthony Dyer: When the Mission Ends

He served for 20 years, chased meaning in high-risk missions, then pressed the retirement button and realised the hardest fight was about to start at home. Anthony joins us from Clovis, New Mexico, to share what military service gave him, what it took from him and what it cost when the uniform came off and the structure disappeared. The shift from special operations purpose to civilian life hits fast and he speaks plainly about loss of identity, the pull of alcohol and the moment his wife drew a line he couldn’t ignore.

We go deep on veteran mental health, PTSD and what “getting help” actually looks like when you’ve spent a career pushing through. Anthony talks about prolonged exposure therapy, panic attacks and learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable, while I reflect on why talk therapy can feel like reliving the worst moments and still be the thing that takes their power away. We also unpack the practical side of recovery: treating mental health like routine maintenance, building a real support network and why seeing leaders seek help makes it easier for others to do the same.

Some of the most memorable moments are the simplest, “four quarters over a hundred pennies” as a guide to friendship, choosing the pen over the bottle through writing and the “two wolves” reminder that daily actions decide what grows. Anthony’s mission now is fatherhood and presence and he shares the moon as his lighthouse, a symbol of light that holds steady on dark nights. If you’re navigating military transition, first responder stress, addiction recovery, or trauma healing, you’ll find honesty and usable lessons here. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more everyday warriors find these stories.

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Transcript

Teaser: Retirement And The Bottle

Anthony 0:00

Hit the retirement button out of honestly an emotionally charged decision when I got back right after my 20-year mark. And at that point, I realized everything I had thought I was over, at least in my mind, I thought you're filling out this infamous DD 214 paperwork, right? Where you're often in this personnelist type office, and you walk out that door and you realize like you can walk out, but it's often not a doorhand, so you can never really get back in. And at that point, I was developed a very bad drinking habit. At that point, got the ultimatum from my wife that's either the bottle or me and her child.

Welcome, Support, Trigger Warning

Trudie Marie 0:32

Welcome to the Everyday Warriors podcast. I'm your host, Trudy Marie. Here, ordinary people share extraordinary stories of resilience, courage, and hope. Every conversation is a reminder that no matter what life throws at us, we all have the capacity to continue to rise. If you enjoy today's episode, I'd love you to leave a five-star review. You can support the show through the links in the show notes, which includes Buy Me a Coffee or by subscribing to Everyday Warrior Moments. Or you can check out my book, Everyday Warrior from Frontline to Freedom. This is my memoir of hiking the 1000km Bibbleman track. But for now, let's meet today's Everyday Warrior. Please note that the following podcast may contain discussions or topics that could be triggering or distressing for some listeners. I aim to provide informative and supportive content, but understand that certain things may evoke strong emotions or memories. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or in need of support while listening, I encourage you to pause the podcast and take a break. Remember that it is okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance from trained professionals. There is no shame in this. In fact, it is the first brief step to healing. If you require immediate support, please consider reaching out to Lifeline on 13, 11, 14 or a crisis intervention service in your area. Thank you for listening, and please take care of yourself as you engage with the content of this podcast.

Joining The Air Force At 18

Trudie Marie 2:28

Welcome to another episode of the Everyday Warriors Podcast. And today I have a guest calling in from Clovis, New Mexico. And I can actually say I've been to New Mexico now after my trip with my husband. But please welcome to the show, Anthony.

Anthony 2:43

Hey, thanks for having me, Trudy, with Mysticism for the World. Thank you.

Trudie Marie 2:48

Such a pleasure to have you here on the show. And your story starts back at the end of high school. And I don't know how long ago that was for you, but it's when you started to look at how your life and career would be.

Anthony 3:02

Yeah, yeah, no problem. So it was my senior year in high school, 17, about to be 18 there. And I was really going nowhere fast. And I had no drive, no desire, just really what I was going to do, how to be an adult. And my dad gave me the cliche dad talk of you're about to be a grown man, about to be 18. It's time to get a job, go to college, or get out. And I talked to a Navy recruiter at first and realized I didn't want to be on a boat for six months. And then I talked to an Army recruiter. I was like, no, that's not for me either. And I finally told my dad, he was in the Air Force long before I was born, but sort of the quality of life of the Air Force and the good TDYs and golf clubs and good child halls, all the stuff the Army guys give us crap about. But yeah, it was honestly the best decision I ever made looking back at it. And there I was July 18th of 2000 on my first fixed-wing flight ever from Charlotte, North Carolina to uh basic military training in San Antonio, Texas. And I spent this was right before 9-11, about a year or some change before 9-11. And

Jobs That Changed His Life

Anthony 3:53

my first job in the Air Force was actually a weapons loader. They call us load toads. And basically it's a fancy way of saying three guys and girls, they go out and load the bombs and missiles on like the fighter jets, like the strike eagle is the first one I loaded the F-15. I did that for approximately five years, and then I remember 9-11 it happened, and I just always asked the question like what's different in those first responders and firefighters DNA that ran in the buildings those days on that September 11, 2001. And like what makes them to do something so selfless, like that type of sacrifice. And so at that point, I decided to be a firefighter for five years, and I went to the Lewis F. Garland Fire Academy there in San Angelo, Texas, did that job for approximately five years at Charleston Air Force Base, South Carolina. Awesome memories of some of the best moments of my career was in that firehouse there. And eventually I was actually home on leave at a pizza parlor, and I looked out and I see the same cracks in the road. And these same cracks had been in that small town of North Carolina my whole entire life. And I realized that, you know what, like there's no U-Haul up behind the hearse. The moment we're born, we start dying. Like, the only thing you can leave behind really is how you're remembered. And I was like, you know, I don't leave cracks, I don't leave craters. And I had read a book called Chosen Soldier by Dick Kouse. In the beginning of that book, it has the Isaiah 6.8, the Send Me verse. And as you probably know, it's very special operations and first responder-centric type of verse. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna join Special Operations and be a an AC-130 gunner on the Mighty S Spectre H model gunship. And there I was, my whole life is about to change forever. The deployments were rapid. And the good thing about the gunship is the whole reason you're there is like the why behind the gunship is to make sure those super ninjas get home and provide that unconventional close air support for your seals, your rangers, your green berets. And that's an awesome responsibility. And I tell people there's all kinds of letters around that squadron. Where there's one that was really my cornerstone of my purpose, and what it was a basically a ranger holding his baby girl. And then thanks to squadron for the rounds and the close air support, he was able to go home and see his baby girl. And that's the whole why for that close air support. And when that's gone, you know, that's a that's a hard thing to swallow. That loss of identity is a very real thing. And towards the end of my career, basically all the stuff I'd seen, and I went to a rescue helicopters at one time, and there was some trauma there involved with that, and and uh East Africa, then back to gunships and hit the retirement button out of honestly an emotionally charged decision when I got back right after my 20-year mark. And at that point, I realized everything I had thought out was over, at least in my mind, I thought you're filling out this infamous DD 214 paperwork, right? Where you're often in this personnelist type office, and you walk out that door and you realize, like you can walk out, but it's often not a door handle, so you can never really get back in. And at that point, I was developed a very bad drinking habit. At that point, got the ultimatum from my wife that's either the bottle or me and your child, and by the grace of God, I chose my family. And I finally got out. I realized that when the dust settles, maybe I can't pay it for it, right? Maybe we talk about the 22 a day every day, right? And maybe I can do something about that. And if one person decides to seek help after reading this memoir, then that's a win, that's a blessing. And here I am in Clovis, New Mexico talking to you. So I appreciate it, truly.

Purpose, Identity, Four Quarters

Trudie Marie 6:51

No problems at all. And you've unpacked so many things just in that short space of time of talking about your career. And I first want to acknowledge your service to your country. And my husband is also ex-military, ex-Air Force, so we have a connection there. And the thing I love about Americans is that they are so honorable to their military personnel and their military veterans. They really do stand up and acknowledge, which is something Australia could do more. And it it takes some courage. It takes, you know, you said that you joined as a young 18-year-old and you then spent 20 years. Looking back now, what was that like for you? Because you came into this job as a young, impressionable adult and leave 20 years later with a whole career of everything you've experienced.

Anthony 7:50

Yeah, it was it was honestly this process of where like going into it, I did it for a job, a paycheck, meant maybe some money for college, because I didn't know where I was going to land, really. And at that point, basically there was like your husband, as as well knows, one of the Air Force Corps values and service before self. And I didn't know what those words meant till way later in my career and sacrifice and duty and honor and stuff like that. But yeah, it was very eye-opening experience to to realize that we're all very normal men and women doing these very uncommon, unnatural things. And this it's not if it's all it's often when you have to take that tactical knee and get help.

Trudie Marie 8:22

So yeah. And we see things I can relate as a first responder and ex-police officer that you're exposed to experiences and incidents that for the most part the majority of the population don't understand and don't get. And we take everything that we do on board because, like you said, your motto is service to others above self. And you don't really get to understand the repercussions of that and the toll it takes on you until you stop down the track.

Anthony 9:01

Oh, yeah, yeah. And uh, one of the most common, as well as the trauma part of it, one of the most common feedback I give from even men and women I used to fly with. Once the book got out there, was this this common theme of the loss of identity, you know, like it it is an awesome purpose and the why behind that. When, like I said, the send me, like when that moment's gone where you're not chasing those three words cleared to engage, or just that rush and that that relevance is really what was my, it was my everything. It was my image, it was who I thought I was. And you know, I learned to find those exciting moments in the calm now, though being the best dad I could be, best husband I could be, best wingman I could be to someone. And it's almost overwhelming to an extent to where when people reach out, when they hit that point. And I tell people the one good thing about the Air Force and military and these these types of jobs, right, is like you get your four quarters over a hundred pennies. And what I mean by that is those those very few that'll show up and they'll answer the phone every time you call them versus the hundred pennies that won't. So it's I think it's important to surround yourself with those iron type of men and women.

Trudie Marie 9:56

I love that saying that you just said, and it's so true that in our lives, there could be a hundred people around, the hundred pennies, and yet it's the four quarters that actually show up. And it's those people that become our support network and the people that really do help us through those hard times. And I think everybody in life, no matter what you're doing, you need to find those four quarters in your life.

Anthony 10:22

Oh, yeah, yeah. I think there's a lot of metaphors and analogies. One day my daughter was asking me about the about friendship and basically who to let in and stuff like that. You know, passing this bank, and I was like, Well, if you have this dollar, would you take it to the teller, would you ask for four quarters over a hundred pennies? And before she could answer, honestly, I said, four quarters. And I was like, Do you know why? She's like, No, he's like, basically tell me. And I was like, Well, I was like, four quarters, they're easy to account for. I was like, they'll hold you accountable. They're always there, they're always solid, right? And 100 pennies by the time you get to your car and drive off, half of them done fell out for this ride or flight we call life. So I think it's very important to surround yourselves by those who who show up. And likewise, it's important to show up for them because it does happen, you know.

Trudie Marie 10:58

Yeah, the reciprocal support required. It's a two-way street. I think so many people think that being there for others is you want people to be there for others, but you also need to show up for them when they require it. And that's that beautiful dance of a relationship, no matter what that relationship looks like, whether it's your daughter, your wife, your colleagues, your friends, your family, it all forms part of that inner circle that you just show up for each other.

Anthony 11:28

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I think that the biggest thing you can give someone is your time, right? And your presence. And I think presence, whether it's being in your kid's life or your spouse's life or your best friend's life, like it, it is the most important thing you could give them along with grace.

Trudie Marie 11:41

And time is one of those commodities that we just don't get back. And I can only imagine that the amount of time you spent on the road in different states, in different countries, serving your country, that there was so much time taken away from you in the respect of your life at home is completely different to your life at work. And you can't get that time back. And then when you do stop, time becomes so much more precious because you realize everything only happens in the now.

Anthony 12:14

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and you know what's crazy towards the end of my career, I put my daughter through the last four deployments there. And I always had this fear, this phobia. A lot of guys have it too, is that they'd get back and their kid wouldn't recognize them. And I always worried about that. You know, granted that that never happened to me, thank God. But you would see sometimes that that is a thing when you have these young children and you're going to fight our nation's wars. And yeah, I think you're right. The biggest thing you could give to, well, the two biggest things you could give your kid is to your presence, your time, and to like my parents gave me the greatest gift of all time. They believed in me. And here I am with uh published a book somehow, reading them to fifth grade level and all that. But yeah, it's an interesting flight and an interesting ride with whole lives.

Trudie Marie 12:49

Very

Civilian Transition And Addiction

Trudie Marie 12:50

true. And coming out of the service, I know that for many people who have served their country in with their whichever force that they do that with, going back to civilian life can be really difficult. And you did allude to the fact that you struggled with some type of addiction when you came back into civilian life. What was that like for you?

Anthony 13:13

Yeah, yeah. So it honestly started like back the moment I hit that honest that retirement button out of that emotionally charged decision to leave this thing behind me that was my whole identity for all these years. And what honestly was a weekend drinking habit turned into a pine of night with pills, you name it, to go to sleep. And that's when I got the ultimatum from the family. I went to the uh the USOCOM has this program, it's called Preservation of the Force in Family.

Therapy, Panic, Getting Help

Anthony 13:35

And in special operations, we have these things that are called the five soft truths. And the first one is called humans are more important than hardware. So they're getting a lot better as far as seeking help and removing that stigma. And I did prolong exposure therapy because I didn't want to take meds at the time. And yeah, I talked to this the psychiatrist, and I remember having a chip on my shoulder, like, what does this lady know about? This and that when I was being stupid. And she asked, you see, I mean the cliche analogy of like you wouldn't call your dentist to fix your car, and I was a smart elephant. I probably said something like, Well, what if my dentist is a mechanic? After that, we were real cool and this rapport happened. And part of that process is you're writing your story over and over, and they're gonna get to the root cause of your trauma, which in my case was the cast of agmission in Africa on helicopters. And they're pulling back that onion, you know, and you get to a point where you can you write it out, then you say it, then they time you saying it. So basically, just like we're doing now, we're just conversing back and forth. Like back then, I would have I would have bought up on you, cried right there in front of God and everybody. But and I'm so glad I did that because she got me comfortable being uncomfortable and realizing that, hey, like this is normal. It's two decades of war, you name it. It's okay not to be okay, but it's not okay to do nothing about that.

Trudie Marie 14:38

Uh and I love what you just mentioned there in a couple of themes. The first, I relate to not wanting to be medicated. So when I was first diagnosed with post-traumatic stress, I chose not to be medicated. I was like, no, I want to get to the root of what the trauma is, just like you've done. And part of that therapy, and it's a love-hate relationship with your psychologist or your psychiatrist, is that part of me hated that talk therapy because I hated reliving the constant trauma that you're having to go through. But what I found, like you said, peeling back the onion layers, is that the more you talk about it, the less power it has over you.

Anthony 15:17

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I'd had panic attacks. And one of the things I never realized, I we get to a point, and she's asked me, like, you know how many people have died from a panic attack? I don't know how true this is, so please don't nobody take this for any type of medical advice or whatsoever. But she's like, no one actually dies from a panic attack. But I was like, man, it's it sure feels like I'm dying when I feel like I'm breathing through a straw and the heart's pounding, you know, stuff like that. And she did a lot of things, just tying everything together. Why was I afraid to go to a car wash? And then I was it was so bad. I was I was timing myself on the way to work for no reason. I can't tell you still to this day why I was doing it. But she told me, you're basically giving yourself this compartmentalized deadline, you're holding yourself to that standard for no reason at all. And I was like, okay. And she started making sense of a lot of things that, and they're so good at that. Like you said, pulling back that onion and getting to the why that starts all of that.

Trudie Marie 16:05

I totally appreciate the journey that you've been on because the healing journey, and for anyone who's been through trauma, that's tough. But going from that really regimented, deadlined lifestyle that the military actually is, or any kind of first responder, there is so much there that there's a routine and a structure and a process, and everything is dictated to then step into this sort of slower civilian life where you have to feel your way into it because you don't have those structures and routines and disciplines around you anymore that there needs to be an ease into that. And I can understand why so many people fall down because often there they don't have the support they need to make that transition.

Anthony 16:56

Yeah, yeah. And also, like I get to that point where in my last year I quit working out like I was supposed to, I quit eating right, and all these things, and I was drinking more and more, right? And I'd end up feeling sorry for myself. I'd lost a lung, and I went to this pastor, and I was feeling sorry for myself, being dumb. And he's like, you know, Anthony, he's like, life circumstances can make you bitter or better. The choice is yours. And that's really I'd be lying if there wasn't a spiritual aspect to my healing. I'd tell people, like, the most honest conversation I ever had that night was with myself and God and Jesus. And I'd realize, geez, also, all this stuff is awesome. I turned it to my friends, I turned to alcohol, you name it. But I God let me know in his own way that I turned to everything but him. And that I think with that, there is some isolation before elevation when you're alone with your thoughts and your purpose is gone and all these things are still there. You know, and I think it's what's therapeutic about writing is you get to look that on the page. And I tell people with writing, the biggest thing I found out, and I'm not a great, I'm not this fancy, famous author or anything like that. I've got an indie published small-time book, but I will say what I've found that's worked is whatever you're afraid to say the most, throw it on paper and you'll be amazed where those words travel.

Pen Over Bottle And Two Wolves

Trudie Marie 18:01

It's true. So many people are scared of even just journal writing. And I myself say the same thing to people is that sometimes just getting those thoughts out of your head and onto paper, it allows you to process in a different way. And whether you keep that in the form of a journal, whether you end up putting it into a memoir, or even if you just write it down on a piece of paper and burn it and put it back to the universe, because in that way, you're it's a sense of letting go of your past, of your feelings, of your emotions, because they keep us trapped in living a really fulfilled and holistic life when we're constantly churning on these thoughts that go nowhere.

Anthony 18:46

Yeah, I saw the other day where this guy's talking about those demons that come in the middle of the night. You turn around and face them, they'll often go away. And there would be moments where I couldn't even explain what I was writing. Like when I'm gonna pick up a bottle, I'll pick up a pen. Because I could either wake up in the morning and ask those two embarrassing questions, who do I owe money to and what did I do last night? Who do I say sorry to? Because I was so drunk I don't remember. Or I could say, you know what, I woke up with something of a somewhat of a paragraph or page of something I'm gonna try to make sense of later. And that's the part like where I would throw this on paper, these emotional Charlotte Sue emotional words, and try to make sense of two decades of war and everything that comes with that. And I found to be that it's a very common trait and the relevance, the identity, the trauma that so many people have that when they get out. And I think, like you said, you can set it free once you send it to the world on a book page, you know.

Trudie Marie 19:32

Yeah, and when you actually can sit and be responsible for your own life, I think so many people just want to keep blaming anything else and everyone else except for the choices that we made ourselves. And that like you said, you can choose the bottle or you can choose the pen. And in that moment of choice, you are dictating how your future will go because you're making a choice either way, and so many times people just want to blame the external world, but it all starts with us.

Anthony 20:11

Yeah, that's this leads me to my favorite metaphor. I grew up in West North Carolina, small time called Silva, and it was about the roots part of my story, the 15, 20 minutes away from the Eastern Band of Cherokee Nation. And I've always loved Native American culture and heritage. It's just a beautiful culture to be around. And I remember one of the things that was taught, it was uh the two wolves theory, like where each man and woman has two wolves, right? You have this negative wolf, which is giving you these negative emotions, these negative ideas and things to do. And say then you have this positive wolves, which is encouraging you to help when you choose that bitter over better. And the one that wins is the one you feed the most. I think it's an act, it's a deliberate act of speaking those positive words and putting those words into action. And sometimes those actions are actually on paper.

Trudie Marie 20:51

I love that analogy. It's one that I have read time and time again in the past, and I think it's just it's beautiful wisdom to live through your life.

Family, Fatherhood, New Mission

Trudie Marie 21:01

I also want to ask, obviously, you said you mentioned your wife and your daughter. How important were they, especially your daughter? Because I think as parents, like I know for myself that I want to be the best example as a parent that I can be for my two children. How much of your journey and your decision making to take a really positive path into this civilian life was your how much of an impact or how big of a part did your daughter play?

Anthony 21:31

My daughter was the absolute biggest part in God. And I told someone the other day, like, I've been called many things through my career, whether it's sergeant airman, whether it's a gunner, Uncle Tito was my call sign, but the best thing I've ever been called, best call sign, but she called me dad. So yeah, that was a harsh realization. And she realized I was willing to throw that way over a bottle and do the math on that, you know. And I feel like that was the best decision I ever made was to put that bottle down and Be present, give her that presence and my time and her life. That's what counts.

Trudie Marie 22:43

How old is she now? And what is your relationship like with her?

Anthony 22:49

Oh, it's awesome. She's she's nice. She actually she's so so creative and she's so funny, man. I you see some of your you know, your humors and dad jokes, and all that's a real thing. Like the other day, like she's like, Dad, she's like, Bet, you won't change your name on Facebook to what's she called, Chicken Thick Nuggets. And there I was two days ago, changing my name on Facebook to Chicken Thick Nuggets. Whatever she's such a good artist, and she's so smart, smart I'll ever be.

Trudie Marie 23:12

I think some being a parent is a journey in itself because we learn through these little people and through their innocent eyes what life can actually be about. And the fact that you've been able to create this relationship inside of everything that has gone on for you and have the miracle of being a parent and enjoying what that part of life has to offer now. It's a beautiful space to be in.

Anthony 23:43

Yeah, I actually had a police officer, NYPD, I was on one of their podcasts, and he asked me, they do this thing called rapid fire at the end. And he asked me, What's the biggest mission you're now on? And who's beside you in the co-pilots? I'm like, well, the biggest mission I'm on now is being the best dad I could be in. I said, the who's besides me, my wife, because she's on this mission with me. So that's my mission now, and that's what counts. Finding those exciting moments in the calm and just being there for them and my friends.

Trudie Marie 24:07

And looking at where you've come from and what you've experienced in your life, that you can come outside of that 20-year career, 20 years of being exposed to things that you would hope that most human beings would never have to be exposed to. And then fighting your own biggest demons, because I really think that people forget that any kind of addiction comes from a place of being in so much pain, you just want to numb it away. And when you can embrace that fully and take responsibility for your own trauma, your own suffering, your own pain, and turn that or transmute that into something positive, that takes courage. And the fact that you've been able to do that and now have this new mission of life with your wife and your daughter, I think that's incredible.

Anthony 25:02

Yeah, yeah. I think it's a part of what I even put in the book there. If my life was Sunny and 75 every day, like I had no scars, I had no journey, right? And there's you'll find that some of the best stories is redemption. And that's I always go back to my one of my favorite analogies, like you're going through life, right? And you're going through this terrible fight with turbulence and all these different things happening to you and feeling sorry for myself. And right, and as Henry Ford said, an aircraft takes off against the wind, not with it. Like the aircraft can't lift without a little bit of drag, right? The just the physics of it. And I think spiritually is like that. And like I said, like God will put you in that isolation in front of elevation. And one of my favorite quotes the other day I heard was on TikTok, and the guy says, God will put you back together in front of those who broke you. And I like to change that to God will put you back together in front of what broke you, what vice, what trauma. No matter what it is, he's got it, and he'll elevate you.

Trudie Marie 25:52

And it's a definite choice that we get to choose. You can play the victim through your life or you can rise above it. And I love the analogy you used about flights that even a plane can't take off without the wind. And we're all always going to be challenged. Life is a series of heartbeats, and within those heartbeats are the ups and downs. And if we stay in the down, that's where we spiral and we end up flatlining. So it's taking those moments of the highs and the lows and working with them to live the best life we can.

Anthony 26:28

Oh, yeah. And I think America loves an underdog too. And people ask me about this the symbology with moon child. And it comes one of my favorite poems is Stay While Moonshot. But I like to tell people the the moon was my lighthouse. You're in this AC 130

Moonlight, Hope, Redemption

Anthony 26:40

gunship, you'll find these left-hand orbits at night, often for like sometimes up to eight hours or longer. And it's easy to get lost in time and space when everything's going against you, the weather, murder ship and seeders, you name it. And I tell people, it's cliche of analogies that says that moon burns the brightest on those darkest nights. So it is a lighthouse for me. And in those moments you find out in trauma and the worst parts of your life, you don't get to fall, you get to rise.

Trudie Marie 27:02

I can only imagine what it must have been like in those nights of where you're completely in the dark, you're on your own, you're fighting like you're on this mission, and the moon is the only light that's guiding you, and you see that as a lighthouse. Do you still have the same relationship with the moon at night? Like, do you go outside and just take your place in the universe as a whole, but not in this fighting capacity, but just in the place of being?

Anthony 27:33

Yeah, I was born on a full moon April 7th of 82, and I've always been drawn to the moon. And the other day was, I'm sure those guys had an awesome view that a lot of people wish they could see. I just there's something symbolic about the moon. It's the way saying, like, hey, I'm still here.

Trudie Marie 27:47

And just having that light, I think whether it's the image of the moon or a lighthouse or the light at the end of the tunnel, whatever analogy it is for you to see. But I think when you're stuck in a place of dealing with trauma, dealing with addiction, dealing with just all the negative that life throws at you, I know for me at My Rock Bottom, I had this image of being at the bottom of a well. And I always said that I could scale up and down the ladder of that well to get myself out. But when I hit the bottom and I couldn't reach for that bottom rung, I felt like life was kind of it, like that was it. There was no way out. But just seeing that glimmer of life at the top was enough to hold on to to go, no, I want to go back there. That's where I need to be. So I love the fact that this is how you basically themed your book around this moon child of the fact that the moon was your guiding light.

Anthony 28:44

Yeah, and I think part of that point by Rita Clinton, I can even read it for you if you want, but it's saying release what no longer serves. And to me, it was alcohol and feeling sorry for myself and the trauma, it no longer served. Um, but yeah, it is a very uh symbolic thing in my life, is definitely the moon. And even flying, it made the terrain, it was effortless, and it would help out even in combat. You'd see the ground-the-ground tracer fire with MGs on. It was always this guiding, this positive light in my life, like you said, on those darkest nights.

Trudie Marie 29:11

Yeah. And apart from the moon, like when you look back over that 20-year career, and yes, there were many negatives and things that you would rather not remember. But are there any key highlight moments that just shaped who you were as a person or that you hold on to as a really fond memory?

Anthony 29:31

Yeah, definitely the fond memory of that barracks life. We were in Afghanistan, and we we would often live back then it was these B huts, like these OSB like Pywood huts, six or seven gunners in this one Pywood hut. And man, there's a you know, and from the fire department, I developed a really high arsenal of pranks, if you will. So there's some of that dark humor, just but at the end of the day, like it's one of those communities where, like, and I'm sure being a police officer saying if like someone's not messing with you a little bit, they probably don't like me, is the way I looked at it. So it's part of it. You see the best of humanity with your brothers and sisters you got to work with, and then the worst of the uh humanity sometimes through your fight.

Trudie Marie 30:06

Yeah, I think the camaraderie is a huge thing because we are often shaped by the people we meet in our lifetime, and if they can leave a positive impact on us as opposed to a negative one, then that's a really beautiful space to be in.

Anthony 30:21

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've always to this day, I keep up with majority of the men and women I flew with. And like I said, I got millions of or thousands of four-quarters, I feel like now.

Trudie Marie 30:29

Yeah, I love that your quarters have grown. That's so cool. And speaking into that, like especially with being ex-first responder, because obviously you've worked with the fire department, ex-military. How important is mental health as an aspect for

Mental Health Maintenance And Trust

Trudie Marie 30:44

you today?

Anthony 30:46

Definitely, I treat it like a checkup, like from a vehicle. If you need an old change, I know when it's time to get an old change, right? But symptoms usually show them beforehand. But I always encourage it, and I think that we are getting better in these communities, at least from what I've can see, like removing that stigma. You know what's crazy? When you see someone in a leadership or management type role, go get help, and you realize that, like, man, if they could do it, I could do it. And getting help is contagious. And sometimes there may not be nothing wrong at all, right? Just maybe just dealing with the finances or marriage trouble, whatever the case is, but it's definitely worth peeling back that onion.

Trudie Marie 31:18

Yes. And I think that, like you said, when you need an oil change up, you're willing to go and get it done. And sometimes you see the signs, but then at the same time, we rely on other resources to assist us, whether that's an accountant for our taxes or a lawyer for a legal proceeding or whatever the case may be, we go to those people. But so often we only go to a doctor when something is wrong. We don't seek out help to keep us from getting to that point.

Anthony 31:49

Yeah, and I looked at it too, like sort of it would be selfish if I didn't get help, right? Because these type of jobs, like I'm sure like you and your husband know, there's these things in the military first response, I'm assuming too, like where they could say do not arm means you can't carry a weapon. Well, for a flyer, it was called duties not to include flying, which was really both in my case. And no one wants to be that that man or woman that happens to, but at the same time, if you're not healthy. And I realized, especially on the rescue side of things, when I was on the helicopter rescue missions and stuff like that, that you got to be able to trust someone with your best friend's life. And that trust is a fragile thing sometimes. So you always want to get checked out and make sure you're healthy.

Trudie Marie 32:24

Yeah, and trust is a huge thing in our roles as first responders and military. Trusting that people have our back and that make sure that we get home at the end of our shift is a huge thing.

Anthony 32:38

Yeah, I think the that was what it was all about, making sure the the men and women you fight with and those super ninjas on the ground get home. That was everything.

Trudie Marie 32:45

Yeah. Well, once again, I thank you so much for your service to your country, but I also thank you for being here today and sharing part of your story and what it's like. I will definitely include the links to your book in the show notes because I think reading a memoir of somebody who has been there and done that is just a way of connecting to the service men and women of our communities that do give their lives for their country.

Anthony 33:18

Well, thank you. It was an honor and a pleasure and honestly a blessing to be here. This is my first time. I think you're the second, maybe third person from Australia I've talked to, other than being in the service, but I appreciate your time and your audience and just for you just having me on and letting me talk. I appreciate that.

Trudie Marie 33:33

You're most welcome. And I always finish my episodes by asking, what is the one thing you are most grateful for today?

Anthony 33:41

My family. I would say definitely that without that, I would be in the dirt, guarantee you.

Trudie Marie 33:46

Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday Warriors Podcast. If you have an idea for a future episode or a story you'd like to share yourself, then please reach out and message me, as I am always

Farewell, Book, Share The Show

Trudie Marie 33:58

up for real, raw, and authentic conversations with other Everyday Warriors. Also, be sure to subscribe so that you can download all the latest episodes as they are published. And spread the word to your family and friends and colleagues so they can listen in too. If you're sharing on social media, please be sure to tag me so that I can personally acknowledge you. I'm always open to comment about how these episodes have resonated with you, the listener. And remember, lead with love as you live this one wild and precious life.