She Left Banking to Save Families | Shani Avidar

Are you a new parent desperate for better sleep — for you and your baby?

This episode is your lifeline. We’re joined by Shani Avidar, founder of The Sleep Concierge, a former banker who transformed her life (and thousands of others) by helping families reclaim their nights. From battling sleep deprivation to running a purpose-led business, this episode dives deep into what it really takes to solve baby sleep — and rediscover your own wellbeing.

🛏 Learn how ADHD affects baby sleep and parenting routines
 👶 The truth behind the 4-month regression (and other sleep myths)
 💼 Hear Shani’s story of leaving corporate life to follow her calling
 🧠 Explore the psychology of sleep and why most coaches get it wrong
 📈 Get actionable advice if you're building a business from purpose

Whether you're a parent, a coach, or a founder looking for clarity — this is 30 minutes of insights you won't find on Google. Shani speaks honestly about motherhood, identity, business pressure and why “self-care isn’t selfish.”

If you’re tired of cookie-cutter advice and want to hear the truth about baby sleep and business burnout — hit that subscribe button and never miss a moment.

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Special Thanks to our Charity Partner: ADHD Liberty
Did you know that around 85% of all male prisoners in the UK are undiagnosed and/or unmedicated ADHD prisoners?
ADHD Liberty are leading the fight for early diagnosis for ADHD in schools, custody suites, A&E departments, and prisons.

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Transcript

Paul: 0:00

Are you a parent struggling with sleepless nights and exhausted days? Shani Avidar shares today how parents can create healthy sleep habits without the stress, plus why she left a corporate career to follow her passion. Shani is a certified pediatric sleep coach, a lactation consultant and founder of My Little Dreamer, where she helps exhausted parents navigate the challenges of infant and toddler sleep. Her journey into sleep coaching wasn't just professional, it was also personal. After struggling with sleep deprivation while raising her three children back to back, she dove deep into research and training. Discovering the baby-led sleep approach, which transformed her parenting and ultimately led to a career shift. Before launching my Little Dreamer, Shani spent nearly two decades in high level roles in the financial sector, including regulatory compliance and data governance. And now she applies her analytical problem solving skills to a much different challenge, helping families get the sleep they desperately need. Shani, welcome to the show. Lovely to have you along.

Shani Avidar: 1:09

Thanks for having me.

Paul: 1:11

You'll have noticed that there's a lot of passion went into that bio from my behalf, because as I read the words, I know I've lived that life. I, my, my eldest turns out he's now on the path for ADHD, which meant. We didn't know it at the time, but a lot of the tips and tricks that we got told about how to get kids to sleep and how to help them sleep and all the rest of it were kind of irrelevant as he grew up. And he was a little bit older. And I remember advising one of my friends who was having a baby probably about a year after we'd had our first, and I just kind of said, Matt, however tired is the most tired you've ever felt in your life, could you picture that in your head right now? And he said, yeah. I said, right. I want you to multiply that by 30 and then apply that to every single day for the next six months.'cause that's what it's like I says, it's parenting is the most am amazing experience in the world, but my God, it's tiring, especially in those early days. So that's my personal background on this. I've got two lovely boys. I love them to bits and I'm in a much better place now than I was, but I'm looking forward to one, diving into the journey that you've been on to where you are now. And two, sharing a bit of your advice so that perhaps we can get some other people started down that same path. So lovely to have you along. thank

Shani Avidar: 2:26

You and I totally agree with you. I wish. We all got

Paul: 2:29

I.

Shani Avidar: 2:29

More education during the prenatal stage. And from my experience when I was pregnant with my first, I went to all the classes that the hospital had, and my husband and I were sitting there. We didn't have any experience in. We learned how to change diapers and CPR and all that, but no one talked to us about sleep and we were working full time. And for me, the expectation was to finish maternity leave and come back to the office and perform as before. And we were exhausted. The baby arrived. We didn't know how to parent and we were expected to leave the hospital, go home and know what to do. And in reality, no one knows what to do. And it's the hardest job ever. And especially when you're sleep deprived, you, you're exhausted and you're expected to take care of a newborn. I. so like you mentioned, I spent almost 20 years in the financial industry and because I'm a type A personality, I'm a planner, I started researching sleep because I knew what I was up against and I wanted to prepare. And I read about all the sleep training methods out there, and there was no way I would let my child cry out in their crib or just. You know, following a chart like the Ferber method and I came across the Baby-Led Sleep Approach that basically talks about the bond between parents and their children, and we learn how to schedule and set routines. But we also know that nutrition plays a big part of sleep, and psychology has a big role. So the words that we use with our kids, even when they're a few days old, they matter. And the earliest you start with your child and teach them the sleep of skill, that skill of sleep, then it's easier. And that's how you don't experience the challenges that come later on, like the nine months separation anxiety and other, you know, teething difficulties So basically you learn what's the reason your child might be crying You are better equipped to, to deal with that. so for me personally, I was literally pregnant for three years because I have three boys and they're one year apart each. And I wanted them to sleep, but I needed them to sleep. And thankfully I learned and I got certified and I was starting my company parallel to banking where I was at the time. And I realised that, you know, it's really comes down to lack of education. And I started talking to parents and educating them and growing my company until I realised there are so many parents out there that could use my services. And I left the corporate world and I just focused on my business. And I've been doing it for a few years now, I'm happy to see results. I'm happy when parents come to me and they are so sleep deprived. and after a few days of working with me, they can get a good night's sleep or they decide to get pregnant again because they're finally sleeping.

Paul: 5:48

Well, let's rewind back to that banking career then. So, like, first of all, I'm gonna, I'm gonna call out the white elephant in the room. There aren't many women who manage to make it to the top of the banking industry. We know this, right? It's a heavily male dominated environment. So I imagine you've worked incredibly hard to get there. Why did you choose compliance and risk management? What was it about compliance and risk that attracted you in the first place?

Shani Avidar: 6:13

So I am, I'm a CPA Ever since I remember I wanted to be a CFO and I started my career Ernst and Young, one of the big four accounting firms. And then I moved into a, the private sector. I worked in another part accounting firm. I remember once I became a controller at a property management company, I realised that this is so boring and there no way I would want to spend the rest of my career doing that. And I was drawn to law and I wanted something. That kind of like combines law and accounting and I didn't know what it was, but I met one of the CEOs of a big bank and he asked me, what do you think about compliance? And I said, I have no idea what that is, but you know, tell me about it. And he said, well, let. Let's start by having you join the legal department and starting the compliance department in our bank. And I did that for a while in New York City. And then after 10 years I to moved to Miami because weather was so much better here, and I found a position of the largest, and advisory firms and I joined their team and my clients were financial institutions all over the world. but I was traveling a lot and I then decided to just find a position within a local bank. It's an international bank and I ended up starting the compliance department there and then the regulatory compliance and then the data governance until I managed a team. In Spain, Latin America, and the US when Spanish is not my first language, and I did get to the top, but once I became a mom and just realised first of all, I wanted to spend more time with my kids. I, I never thought I would be a founder of a company. That's not something I ever envisioned for myself. I. But you know, life takes you and if you're open to it, then just you know, take the risk. And one day when after I founded my company and I told my husband, listen, I think passion is with the company that I own and not so much with the corporate that I belong to. And he said, life is too short to be unhappy. So just do whatever you feel that is good for you. And. I did and I'm lucky to have, you know, a supporting husband. But it's been great since then.

Paul: 8:54

I think it's an incredibly powerful story and one that I wish more people could experience for themselves because. I speak to people who are stuck and I mean, stuck in corporate roles, not because they're limited by their skillset or their like their ambition even, or their intelligence, but because they don't even realise that there's another world out there and that starting your own company is something that happens to other people. It's something that happens to extremely gifted and talented people, and I'm not one of those people. I don't have that skillset. I couldn't do that. I could never run my own business exactly as you've said. And yet I see it time and time again. When you are thrown into the fire and you decide to make that decision, for whatever reason, we survive, we manage, we make it work, and we are successful. And before you know it, you've kind of transformed into a person that can't understand. How we never knew this was possible in the first place because I'd be willing to bet for the first, you know, that 20 year career that you were in, in finance, in banking, in compliance, it probably wasn't even a thought that crossed your mind that you'd ever start your own business, let alone be scared of it. Like why would

Shani Avidar: 10:05

yeah.

Paul: 10:06

I mean, it's good money, it's secure, it's got future, it's got potential. I've got a career and then children change so much about us. Right. Okay.

Shani Avidar: 10:15

Yeah, and I think the pandemic kinda like contributed to it At some point everyone was sure we were gonna work remote forever, and then it changed too. But I think people started thinking. About prioritizing themselves, prioritizing their passions, and life is too short to just something that you're not happy about or you're not comfortable with.

Paul: 10:41

Yep. I completely agree. first of all, you had three children back to back. I can't, and I could never make that decision on purpose or act like I would. I'd be done. Like we've got two and I said, I always said I wanted three kids. So we had the first one and I love him to bits, and he's now almost eight. We had the second one we waited for COVID because we wanted to get married before we had him. So we got married, then we had him and my wife and I just looked at each other. It was a, in fairness, it was a pretty traumatic birth. It was an emergency cesarean section. It was pretty touch and go. At one point we just looked at each other and I just went, now we're done. That's it. I don't want to risk you by having another birth.'cause both births had some complications. The second one tipped me over the edge and I just said, you know what, I'm, I don't want to, I don't wanna risk anything more. We don't need a third. We're quite happy as we are, and we had that, but we're almost a little bit, we plan to have them closer together. So three though, back to back, I can't imagine having a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old and a newborn at the same time. What was that like, Shani?

Shani Avidar: 11:50

And it was I think because I had the skillset and I. My per personality is very much, I'm a type A, I need a plan. I just know my schedule. But I also think, and when I speak to my clients, I also tell them, you need to prioritise yourself because if you don't, you cannot take care of anyone else. I managed, I was very strict on schedule. I was very strict with our routines. My husband travels 98% of the time, so it was. Me needing to make sure that the household was on schedules. And you know, my kids are still little. They are three, four, and five even when we travel. And we just recently got back from Israel and with jet lag, everything, they were sleeping amazing from day one that we got there. And when we got back there was no jet lag or anything. So it's really up to you as the parent to teach your child how to become a good sleeper. And if you do, then you take care of yourself. Because for me, it was all about knowing how my day is gonna look like. If I knew that I could work out in the morning at the certain time, that would make me happy, because if I don't work out, I don't have patience. So for me, that is a must. But I knew also when I was gonna take a shower, when I was gonna have lunch. It's just setting, you know, expectations and creating routines and schedules.

Paul: 13:21

I'm gonna, I'm gonna compare this to a SaaS business, right? When I speak to a SaaS business owner, there's two camps quite often as those that have had a great idea and build something to solve a problem, but don't really have the fundamental experience within that industry to make it work. And they have to bring in experts to help them. And it never, in my opinion, never quite is the same as somebody who's been on the other side of the desk and thought, do you know what? I need to create something that solves this problem for people like me. I know what the pain is, I'm gonna go and fix it. And those businesses always seem to do really well. I've worked in one of those, so I know firsthand the difference that can make. And you've done the same thing, right? So you went through that challenging time, that sleep deprivation and all the problems that went with that, and you've now built your own business to solve that problem for others. What does that feel like when you are helping other parents who, you know exactly the emotions that they must be feeling, the tiredness'cause because it's hard to describe to somebody who's never been through it, right? Like you, you can never quite help them understand just how hard and tough that can be. What's it like being the person that helps them change that?

Shani Avidar: 14:32

I think the word is satisfaction because I know. Not only they get more sleep, but imagine when you're tired, how often you tend to fight with your spouse because you're tired. I'm looking at it as like from a point of, I'm contributing to the all, to the wellbeing of the entire family because you know, they get sleep. They don't fight as they would've if they didn't come to me, and it's just creating a happy family versus. Parents that are in a survival mode.

Paul: 15:07

And do you find that a lot of your clients now are similar people to where you were? Is that something that you focus on or is it, I mean, am I off the mark there?

Shani Avidar: 15:16

I think I have a mix. So I have moms that come to me and they're like, they have their corporate job, they are planners. They need to actually prepare for going back to the office, and I can. relate to that. And I have some moms that come to me and they are stay at home moms, but they have multiple kids. They need to make sure that they get sleep, that their children get the rest that they need. And so I work with all type of parents. and because all my services are virtual, I have parents from all over the world and. You know, even when I speak to parents and they ask me for recommendation, it always start with a conversation because everyone has a different lifestyle, D, different parenting style,

Paul: 15:59

Yeah.

Shani Avidar: 16:00

apartment versus house, you know, if they live in the suburb in the city. So it's just different for each one of us. And also every kid is different and unique, so. When I talk to parents, I tell them, this is what I going to recommend, but you know your child the best. So if it works for you and your child, tell me, great. But if not, then we can find an alternative and that's how I, you know, make sure that we address every child.

Paul: 16:30

So then I know from. My own personal experience is that there's a lot of advice and misinformation out there around infant sleep and that will also vary geographically between countries and regions and cultures. What are some of the biggest or even just one of the biggest myths that, that you'd like to debunk today? If somebody's watching along that, that you come across all the time, that's just not true.

Shani Avidar: 16:55

So first of all, I think pediatricians and also social media create the expectation and illusion that your child should be sleeping through the night when they are four months. And in reality, most babies would sleep through the night around the nine months mark, but that doesn't mean they would wake up every hour, every 30 minutes. It means that if they wake up every hour or twice a night, then that's normal. But when you see on social media that, oh, my child has been sleeping through the night when, since they are four months, then you start doubting yourself as a parent and you think that you're doing something wrong. And I really don't like that because that's not reality. And I wish the education was better at the prenatal stage because then parents would've known what to expect basically.

Paul: 18:19

So I'm guessing you are a big fan of, reaching people before they're desperate. Right? Getting to them to the point where we're planning on having a baby. But how often does that happen? Is it more often that they come to you when they're desperate, I guess.

Shani Avidar: 18:32

I think, like I always say, my ideal client would come to me when they're pregnant just to prepare, but in reality, it mainly happens around the three, four months mark because parents experience it. But I wish it would be the opposite because. And I always say give the mom the gift of sleep. So every baby shower, every break just give her a gift card to sleep coaching instead of a onesie. Because everyone can buy material stuff, but not everyone would either. Some parents don't even know that sleep coaching exists and some are even ashamed to reach out and get help. And I am someone that if I don't know something. out and I look for it, or I do my research and I learn how to solve a problem. I don't just stay in a state that I am not or cannot handle.

Paul: 19:27

I, I think we're aligned there, but I think you raised a really great point is that people do feel ashamed for having to ask for help, but when we do ask for help, there's also an expectation that somebody else will be able to tell us the answer and actually.

Shani Avidar: 19:43

Yeah.

Paul: 19:44

Nine times outta 10. It's called sleep coaching for a reason, right? Because you've got the answer in here. You know your child, you know you, you know your environment. And it's the same with medical side of things as well. Quite often a doctor can't give you the answer that you would love them to be able to give you, and that's a really tough thing to come to terms with, especially as a first time parent that actually. Somebody isn't gonna come along and solve this problem for me. And we need to work this out ourselves and listen to all the information that's been given to us and choose what path's right for us. Is that sort of like, so you've mentioned the almost a shame from parents, but do you find that they are exhausted not just by the sleep deprivation, but by all the conflicting advice and. And mixture of support that's out there as well.

Shani Avidar: 20:31

Yeah. I think also there is a lot of mixed opinions. also, you know, formula versus breastfeeding. There's a lot of pressure and to add sleep deprivation to it, you're just overwhelmed and exhausted.

Paul: 20:44

Yeah.

Shani Avidar: 20:45

not everyone has the personality to say, I don't want advice. Let me figure out what works for me and my family. And sometimes it just backtracks you because you. You're overwhelmed, you're sleep deprived, and instead of reaching out for help, you're just staying the state of that you're at or the situation that you're in. And it's just hard.

Paul: 21:10

Yeah.

Shani Avidar: 21:11

you know you are a new parent. You don't know. just parenting doesn't come with a guide.

Paul: 21:17

No. No, it absolutely doesn't. And I think as well we discovered that both times we had tongue tie to deal with for our children, right? And that, again, very controversial, especially here in the uk Absolutely, very controversial. Whilst, whilst some people are happy that it exists and I don't understand how something that's scientifically proven can exist or not exist. It's almost seen as a, well, you know, 95% of children don't need anything to support them with that. And we had successful Tongue Tie operation with our second and the difference that it made with him as he grew up. First one we had the operation, but it reattached we hadn't realised so, but with, by then, we'd given up on breastfeeding and moved on. But as they grew older, there are other issues that can come, kind of come from the back of that. Happily, nothing dramatic, but we got it much more right the second time and I still had to fight tooth and nail And I think that is in itself is tiring as well, is all the fights that you have to have with people to get what's best for your children or yourself. It's like,

Shani Avidar: 22:21

and especially when you are not, when you're a new parent and you don't even know that what you're fighting for is worthwhile

Paul: 22:28

yeah,

Shani Avidar: 22:29

you don't

Paul: 22:29

and you're being told,

Shani Avidar: 22:30

thing.

Paul: 22:30

are just a first time parent or you're just an anxious first time parent. That really winds me up because those people need help. You shouldn't be dismissing people and belittling them because they're first time parents. It really, it's really frustrating for me.

Shani Avidar: 22:44

And in those situations, like I feel like also moms that were planning on breastfeeding, they had a plan in their head and then something like that happens and they're not able to breastfeed, then they feel shame about it or,

Paul: 22:59

Guilt. Yeah.

Shani Avidar: 23:00

basically. And I tell my clients it's okay to have a plan, but it's okay to change your plan because if something happens, we move forward, we find another solution. And it's okay. It's just a matter of if you can't breastfeed, let's find the right formula. Because there are so many formulas in the market there are really bad for your child. And unfortunately in the United States, most of them are in Europe. They're actually very good. But let's find a good option for you. And that's it. Nothing major happened

Paul: 23:35

Yeah. So talk to me then about sleep training because I, you know, I know from my own kind of research into things that it's got a con like tongue tie. It's got some controversial sides to it, and. Not everybody sees eye to eye around it, but what is sleep train? If somebody out there has never heard of it what does it entail? What does it mean?

Shani Avidar: 23:54

So there are different sleep training methods, and some include the chair method, the Ferber method, and they involve leaving basically your child in their crib until they to self-soothe themself and fall asleep. But we've seen in research is. your child basically learns that you are not coming when they cry for a long period of times. But on the baby-led sleep approach that I follow, we teach your child that, yeah, you are coming and you're not gonna leave your child to sleep for a long period of times in their crib, but there will be tears because as adults, when we get, when we don't get what we want, we cry. So as kids. I talk to parents about setting boundaries around sleep. If you want to co-sleep, great, I'll support you on that. But if you want to share a room or not share a room with your child, we'll work on that. And most important is that you get the sleep that you need and so is your child. So we start from day one with the words that we use. We set routines, we set schedules. Nutrition plays a big role, so we choose the right formula, or if you're breastfeeding, great, just make sure that your child is not allergic to any of the food that you're eating. And at six months we ch we choose the, a lot of protein to make sure your child gets a lot of protein around bedtime. we move from there. But we basically choose right components of sleep we teach them to your child.

Paul: 25:32

So then bearing in mind that when your clients generally come to you, they're at that point of I need. Somebody to just wave a magic wand and do something to help me. How do they often find you? Is it through referrals and word of mouth? Is it the website? Is it a mixture?

Shani Avidar: 25:52

A lot of word of mouth. I work with a lot of pediatricians. a lot of physical therapists that work with women postpartum. and you know, it's like, when you choose your therapist you have to speak to a few to see who you vibe with. So there are many sleep coaches out there. Many follow different sleep training methods, and you need to speak to a few to see who you vibe with and who, whose approach is similar to your parenting style. And so that's when I a client. I always start with a 15 minute complimentary sleep assessment call because I wanna tell them about myself, my approach. I wanna hear what they're dealing with, but I also want to manage expectation and say that the fact that you just contacted a sleep coach doesn't mean that your child will be sleeping through the night today. It takes time and effort on your side. And because sleep changes so much in the first to 18 months, because at that point we transition to a one nap schedule you need to be able to change the sleep schedule every month. You need to understand what your child is going through so you can support them.

Paul: 27:09

What's one thing that you would like to leave our audience with? If there's somebody out there today who's watching this and thinking, yeah, I should probably contact a sleep coach, what's one thing that you can tell them today that will make not an immediate impact, but it'll be one of the biggest changes they can make for their own sanity.

Shani Avidar: 27:28

Well, first of all, make sure you have routines and schedules in place and just, you know, educate yourself. I have even a package on my website that I sit with family and it's called Ask Me Anything, and you get an one hour session and you asked me all the questions that you have and your doubts and. We just talk about it. Even if you don't wanna hire me as a sleep coach, you just sit down with me and we talk about everything you wanna talk about. It just comes down to education and to get the education that you need to help you and your baby sleep.

Paul: 28:08

I think that's fantastic. I can only imagine that. Ironically on the back of helping other people with their sleep problems. You sleep pretty well at night knowing you've done a good thing too. Right. I think that's a lovely story.

Shani Avidar: 28:17

being able to be pregnant for, you know, three years. And that's why I can say I want more kids because we sleep. My kids go to sleep at seven Fifteen they wake up at seven thirty we have, you know, we can have our own time. And I think that's the most important. I always tell my husband, we need to stay married at the end of this. And it's nice that we're good parents, but we have make, have to make sure that our relationships is also supported.

Paul: 28:46

I couldn't agree more, and I think as I've said throughout the episode, you know it's okay to not know the answers. It's okay to need help. It's okay to be tired. It's okay to feel like. You don't need to feel like you're a bad parent. If you are regretting having a baby right now because you're not sleeping like that's natural. Doesn't mean you're a bad parent.'Cause we went through all of that, right? Like it's tough. It is mentally and physically one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. And nothing, not, I don't care how much education you have about it. Still nothing prepares you for that. Almost like the first six weeks are relatively easy, right? Like the first six weeks aren't too bad. You kind of lulled into a false sense of security. Like

Shani Avidar: 29:31

is sleep in.

Paul: 29:32

I remember running around the house going, right? Well, when the health visit comes, my house is gonna be absolutely spotless.'cause I'm the guy, mom, you know, I'm a great parent. My house is gonna be spotless. She came back after a year and the house was a tip. I'm like, yeah, I don't care anymore. I sleep.

Shani Avidar: 29:48

Yeah.

Paul: 29:49

Like, you know, my, my son goes to bed, we go to bed. The housework gets done when he is awake. Like if it gets done,

Shani Avidar: 29:57

exactly.

Paul: 29:58

you know, it's brutal. What do you think is the future for parenting and sleep support? What would you like to see? You know, we've got all this amazing technology that we've got now. What's next?

Shani Avidar: 30:07

I, I actually think, you know, AI is everywhere. But for some things you really need the personal touch. And when parents come to me, it's. like therapy. And I don't know if I ever would want to have a therapy with a, with ai, with a machine, because I need someone that knows how to deal with something in real life. I wish that sleep coaching was more common, that people wouldn't feel ashamed around asking help. the fact that your child is not sleeping does not make you a bad parent.

Paul: 30:45

I love it. And Shani, I'm gonna make sure all your contact details are in the show links. So if anybody's watching this and you've got questions, you're curious, you want to know a little bit more. You'll be able to contact Shani in the details below, and I would absolutely encourage you to, if there's any doubt in your mind as to whether you need this sort of support, even if it's not as you said, even if it's not you, if it's something else, reach out. Be brave and ask those questions. Have that courage because you will thank yourself down the line. Shani, I've thoroughly, as I thought I would, I've thoroughly enjoyed this conversation and it's nice to be able to feel like I've been a little bit. Little small part of helping people into today's episode. Is there anything you'd like to leave the audience with before we close the episode down?

Shani Avidar: 31:26

No, just in. Encouraging everyone to contact me or anyone else that can help them because Sleepy is not a privilege. It's a necessity.

Paul: 31:35

I love that. I love that phrase. Well, thank you very much for your time today Shani, and thank you everyone at home for watching along or listening depending on where you are. And if you've enjoyed the episode, please do remember, jump on Spotify, jump on Apple, leave us a review. It means the world to us, and it helps us get out to many more people. So thank you very much for your time, and I'll see you next week on MarketPulse Pros and Pioneers.