The Courage to Speak: Breaking the Silence Around Domestic Violence with Kinsey Weatherby

In this powerful episode I sit down with my dear friend Kinsey Weatherby, a Domestic Violence Survivor & creator, and author of Even Broken Crayons Still Color.

Kinsey shares her courageous journey through domestic violence, the pain of losing herself, and the divine strength it took to find her voice again. In this episode we hold space for a raw truth, faith, and healing conversation on a chapter of her life when she expirenced domestic violence and reminding everyone that speaking out is one of the bravest acts of self-love.

Through tears, laughter, and deep reflection, we talk about the courage it takes to leave, the power of reclaiming your story, and how God can turn even the darkest chapters into a testimony of hope.

⚠️ Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence and trauma. Please listen with care and check in with your body as needed.

✨ In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Kinsey's personal story of surviving domestic violence
• The moment she found the courage to speak and start healing
• How faith, creativity, and community became her lifeline
• The inspiration behind Even Broken Crayons Still Color
• What healing looks like after trauma — emotionally, spiritually, and physically

💜 Connect with Kinsey Weatherby:

• https://linktr.ee/kinseyweatherby
• IG: https://instagram.com/kinseyw11

You can find me at:
https://www.instagram.com/cataton/
https://www.facebook.com/casey.taton/

You can find what sparks me at:
https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1AgeRtyojY/
https://www.instagram.com/lmbdcelebrations/

Music by: Jason and Ashley Scheufler
Artwork by: https://www.instagram.com/graphx_ink/

Transcript

0:04

Hey friends. Welcome to the Enter Spark podcast. I'm your host, Casey Caton. If you're looking to hear stories of transformation and personal growth, this podcast is for you. My guest and I will be sharing those sparking moments that has changed the mental living a more fulfilling authentic life. I'm so excited for you to hear each unique story. So sit back, relax, and let's get started. hey friend. Welcome back to the Enter Spark podcast. I'm your host, Casey Taton. Today I have with me a very, very dear friend of mine, Kenzie Weatherby. I met her in 2020 when she owned a nutrition shake shop, and we became very close friends, from really, oh, sorry. I'm already getting emotional from my, I know. You're, you're making me cry already. I'm like, whoa. From working out together and really just seeing each other's lives change and growing together, we've been through so much together and just being able to support each other on each other's journeys. And I am just forever grateful for you, for being in my life and walking into your Shea club. Kenzie did sell her nutrition shake shop about, I think it's been about almost a year. A little over a year. Yep. Yeah, so it's been about a year ago. She is a mom of two very, very beautiful girls who are both getting married next summer, which is super exciting. And what we are here to talk about today is, something so deeply touching and it's gonna make me choke up talking about it. So this is a warning to all listeners. My dear friend Kenzie is a survivor of domestic violence and she is the author of Even Broken Crowns, still Color, and it's a Christian. Scripture based coloring book for women healing from trauma. And she is very passionate about faith-based healing, natural things and creative expression through art and prayer. Kenzie believes that even in our most broken seasons, God can still create something beautiful. I want you guys just to pause and think about that for a second, and how powerful that is. I am going to warn everybody that today's episode is going to be, if this is something triggering to you, if this is something, I may be a little bit uncomfortable. I just encourage you to listen to it with caution and remember to always signal safety to your body and take a deep breath if something feels overwhelming. We are going to dig deep into Kenzie's story. And I wanna say just from knowing Kenzie, I did know that she's been through this, but I don't know all of the details and so I am very proud of her. This month is domestic, oh, sorry. It took me to even say this month is domestic violence awareness month. And, she is bringing so much awareness to this with her coloring book and just all the things she's doing through spreading the word and helping other women heal through this process. And it is very, very powerful as we know it's happening every single day, everywhere. And so just, stay tuned and listen to this incredible story with Kenzie. Kenzie, I'm so thankful for having you here today. Thank you so much for having me. This is awesome. I, uh, I've never told my story in this capacity. You know, I've told friends, you know, little bits and pieces here along the way, but I've just never, I, I've never dove into, you know, into it all at once. So, uh, this'll be fun and scary. Yeah. We're gonna let it be, a part of getting awareness out and definitely how much of an impact and how much you've grown since then, and just the work you've done to bring so much awareness to something that, we can all start helping seeing the signs and getting help for each other and for our friends out there. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for, that was a great introduction. You, you already literally got me choked up. I guess I could have suspected that would happen, but I didn't know for sure. So, uh, I, I'm glad we're here together. So as I told the listeners, I've heard bits and pieces of your story, but let's just really just jump right in, if that's okay with you. And, so do you wanna take me back to, I know you were married and divorced, but I want you to tell your story of kind of just when it happened in your life and what was going on back then. Sure. So I, um, I've been married twice. So my kid's dad was first, we were very young. Uh, we're, we are incredible friends, uh, to this day. And then, I got married again. And, um, I made some pretty bad choices in that marriage that led to a divorce and, some things I deeply have regret for. So once we had been divorced, I really took a look at myself and really thought about some things I needed to change and that started my CrossFit journey. I was in the gym five days a week at 5:00 AM and I really made a decision that I wasn't going to continue to live the way I had been living, and making decisions that I had made that had hurt people. Not intentionally, I don't think I've ever really necessarily intentionally tried to hurt people, but it, it's, it's been a byproduct and it has happened. So, um, I ruined a lot of. A lot of lives and hearts in the process. And it's just something that, I know that God has forgiven me for. But it was something I was really having trouble letting go. So when I met this person, um, it was, I was literally at the height of my, you know, I was starting over my life. I had a successful, makeup business. I was leading girls across the country. Like it was, I, I was in a good place. I was fit, I was, you know, I took care of myself. I wasn't going out partying at that time, so I just was in a really good spot. And I feel like sometimes that's really when the devil really sneaks into your life, if you're not careful, and you're not aware. So I, real fast. Kenzie, how old were you, I was married in 2012, divorced in 2013. Met him in 2014. So in 2014, I met him. I had just had a car accident recently and like there was just some things happening that were kind of traumatic. And, um, one night my friend, my best friend was like, Hey, let's go out. And I'm like, no, I really don't want to, you know, I, I need to go to bed. I need to go to the gym tomorrow. And she's like, no, no, no. Well, let's go, let's go. So at this point in time, it was, you know, the old country bar way out East Kellogg, I think you know, which one that is. But we went out and we didn't really talk to anybody, any guys. She wasn't married at that time. And so we just kinda have had a good time. I wasn't really interested in trying to find love because I had fumbled the last one and it just wasn't on my radar. There was, however, one guy that was, that him and I were staring at each other all night long and fact, my friend just tried to get me to go over and talk to him and I'm like, that's not, I don't do that. Like, I'm sorry, you know, I just don't do that. So at the end of the night, it was like literally like the last couple songs of the night. She grabs my arm and she pulls me over to this guy and she's like, you two have been looking at each other all night long. You need to get to know each other. And so then he started talking and he is from the south. And for some reason, I dunno what that accent does to me and a lot of women, but it, I was just like in, immediately in, you know, just. Yeah, that southern draw, like it was like, yeah, like the stars in your eyes? Yes. Like the cartoon stars. Yeah. So it was interesting. We just started talking, and I knew he was from Alabama is where he said he was. He was working near Wichita at the time, and he was getting ready to go back home. So he ended up, we talked all night long and, uh, it just, we just really hit it off. He did tell me that he was freshly divorced and that he had a brand new baby. And so I suspected that came with some kind of weird stuff, but he said it was an amicable thing and they were friends and, you know, and how would I know he was from far away. I can't double check his information. So I did know that I wasn't in interested in ruining another marriage, you know? Mm-hmm. I wasn't interested in that. I was something that was, that was my decision and I really felt like, you know, along the way he. Took that opportunity away from me. And in fact, at the time our, him and I's relationship ended three years later, he was still technically married to her. Wow. Wow. So he had just, he just lied to me from the get go and was having a whole, had a whole ass family back home. So, so this was like your late twenties, early thirties when this happened? Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay. So I, you know, of course I just didn't know any of that stuff. Had I known it, I would've been able to, you know, make the decision to, to not carry that any, any further. Um, but man, we just went hot and heavy real quick. Like we just fell in love. Like it was just, he ex he kept extending his stay instead of going home. By the time he went ho was going back to Alabama, it was right around Thanksgiving at this point. Um, so, uh,'cause it was maybe early November that I met him. And so, you know, he stayed for several weeks and, so then he ended up going home for the holidays. And of course we had just met, so we, I wasn't going to go with him and, um, yeah, but he was going home to play house to his wife and his baby, and I had no idea. So, so, uh, yeah. You know, just, and at that point too, I was, I'm just, I've always been such a trusting individual. Yeah. I don't, when people tell me stuff, I really take what they say and I don't look into it any further. Now, that has changed a little bit over the years. I probably do that a lot more now just because of what I've went through. But at that point, I was just like, he, I was buying everything he said, hook, line, and sinker. Right? I'd never really had someone pursue me like that. So it was, it was, uh, love at first sight. So I wanna ask you a question. Mm-hmm. First of all, if you guys don't know Kenzie, obviously if you do know our listener, then yeah. You know, what amazing person she is. But she is very, a very, very trusting, open-hearted person that just, you know, gives everybody a, the chance of love and acceptance. And so I can definitely see how you just fully, loved him for who he was and not knowing any of this. I do wanna ask you what, um, for the people listening, what were the first signs of you that things were going? I mean, maybe here's a different question. It kind of more than one question, because did you really realize what was happening as you were going through any of this? Because there's so much unknown,, this is something I haven't experienced. And so people have so many questions like, why didn't they just run? And it's like, those things aren't real. People can't just run. If it was that easy, these things, this wouldn't be a problem. This wouldn't be something we were sitting here talking about today. So, as these things were happening, were you, do you think you felt like aware of that? Or how would you explain that situation? I had never been through domestic violence in my life. So when it started happening, and I would say it probably started happening six months in. Okay. And it was slow. It was a progressive thing. So each time it just got harder and harder and, and just more violence. So, um, when it, so what they do typically is he was a complete narcissist. I had these are, and, and this is all in hindsight, you know, at first they're charming and wonderful and just amazing. And, hey, let me help you pay your bills. You're a single mom and I know you're struggling and you have credit card debt. So he, what does he do? And against my better judgment now remember, these are all decisions I made in my twenties and just really didn't think things through then. But he wanted to put himself on my bank account because he was making a ridiculous amount of money and wanted to help me. So he, it was all in let me get intertwined into your finances. I wanna be on your credit cards to help rebuild my, like, I'm gonna help you pay him down. And it was just like a, um, he just wanted to support me and I really, I mean, probably needed that or wanted that at that time, you know, along with feeling, feeling loved. But when all of that. There were red flags, there were signs. There definitely were, in hindsight, there were signs. But man, when I was going through it, it was almost surreal. Like it wasn't Yeah. Like I was questioning if I was, this was really happening to me. And then once they get you away from your family and your friends and alienate you and get you dependent on them financially, then that makes, it makes it easier for them to beat the crap out of you and you not say anything.'cause I was so embarrassed. Yeah. I had so much shame and embarrassment for even getting myself into a situation like that. Yeah. So, because he, he loved bombed me. He loved bummed my kids. Yeah. Like, they, they loved him at first. Absolutely loved him. They were so happy to see me happy. So it, in hindsight, it just, uh, it just happened so quick. Yeah. That's what I was gonna say. I don't think anybody walks right into this knowing. I think there's, it's a process of like, it sounds like he just fully gave you, you know, like sometimes when we're in different phases of our life, we're looking for different things and we're not aware of it. And when someone brings us and helps us support and gives us so much love, what we think is love at the time and feels like love, especially to your children as well, to your beautiful girls, like, um, and then is slowly is helping you pay off things. You're like, oh my gosh, this is like a dream come true. I've met this perfect man that's treating me well. And then it sounds like he kind of, and as he was doing this, he was also taking control over things. Right. Um, one of the greatest things I loved about him was that he worked on the road. So I only had to like, be around him for a few weeks at a time, and then he would go for a month or so. And I, and I'm a firm believer that distance could make the heart grow fonder. So I was like, great, I can still have my own personal space mm-hmm. And take care of my girls, and then I can see him every once in a while when he's home. And so it was just, you know, perfect. So I thought, yeah. So I would say again, about six months in is really when, um, I was just like, take, just to take him back and I didn't know what to say to anyone. There's one friend of mine that really had been through something similar that I felt I could open up to at the time, and she also, the one that helped, that introduced me to him that night. So she, she, I gave her crap. Now we talk, we kind of joke back and forth. She feels a little responsible for that, but you know, it's not her fault. So, yeah, I just tease her a little bit. I do wanna ask you this. So when you're in this situation, life looks good to you, right? Was it, emotionally, was it like, how did it start by like the pain, like the physical pain? Was it emotional? Was it physical? Like, how, what were the things that kind of led into everything when he was on the road? He was, and I didn't know this at the beginning. He was doing a lot of drugs. Okay. He was, at the time, I didn't know he had a terrible sexual addiction. He was a very deviant, devi sexual sexualized person. Um. I didn't know what to what degree. Now these are the days back in the, the Craigslist Backpage days, if anybody knows what that is. This man was meeting women Wow. In every city he was in and meeting them to have sex with them. I am beyond lucky and blessed that I never contracted anything from him, but I was almost for certain when it went, when it ended, like I'm sure he gave me a parting gift. I just had no idea how bad it was. For him. Now, I, I tend to believe, and I look a lot into like people's past. Not that this is an excuse, but I think something happened to him in his childhood. Not that is a reason to do what he is doing, but there, there are reasons and things that make us who we are or make us behave the way we do. And so I, that's what I think. I, he never really confirmed that to me. But I do believe there was some stuff in his childhood. I do know that he grew up watching his dad, uh, do this to his, to his mom. So, um, which his father's completely changed now and grew out of that. But, you know, one of the best stories I ever heard was about the son, the two sons of the alcoholic father. And they both grew up and one became an alcoholic and one didn't. And they both a, everybody asked the sons, how, what did you do? And they both said, well, I watched my dad. So it literally is our choice to, to break that cycle. And not carry it forward. And he, he did not do that. So, yeah, I think, that's very powerful what you said, because at some extent we have all experienced some sort of trauma that has impacted us as a kid, and it means we could come from the best parents in the world. Doesn't even mean it has to do anything with our parents. It could, you know, just be something that happened at school, something that happened somewhere in our lives. And then we carry it on with us. And, I'm gonna be honest, you know, we're not taught to deal with our feelings, our, you know, how to deal with, just like you said, I wasn't aware of how to, like, how to speak it out. I was embarrassed. Yeah. You felt shame about telling people. Mm-hmm. Um. If you, do you wanna take us through what's one of those days looks like or felt like for you? I know it's gonna get really deep and emotional, but just so listeners have awareness that, you know, when you start seeing these signs, like what were the signs if you look back now, that you would tell people besides, you know, like what you saw? I would say, uh, uh, porn addiction is a, is a very big telltale sign. Yeah. Um, that there's an issue. Um, I, I knew better than to let him into my bank account. Yeah. But I did it anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I know for certain, because I was, uh, growing up I was such a daddy's girl. My dad was my best friend. He, he passed away in 2010 from prostate cancer and he was the most amazing human being I ever knew in my life. And I. I knew at one point pretty quickly in that if my dad had been alive, I would not have been with him because I never would've introduced him to my father. Yeah, I would say about a year in is when I just really thought, man, I don't think I'd even be with him if, if my dad was still around, my dad would not have liked him and he would've told me that. Um, I firmly believe the reason I allowed a lot of that stuff to go on for so long is from mom trauma. My parents were divorced since I was two, and my mother is, I love her'cause she's my mom, but she is a severe alcoholic and she's just not, she's not well. She never was. Well and we just never had a good relationship and she didn't have a good relationship with her mom. So, surprise, surprise that she didn't break the cycle. Yeah. Um, and I do believe that my trauma from childhood stems from my mother. Yeah. Yeah. I would say I was really kind of trying to think of, ahead of time, just some of the situations. It's funny what my brain has tricked me into forgetting. Um, yeah,, I wanna acknowledge that.'cause we've talked about this before about how, you're like, I can't remember things. And, um, there becomes a point in our life when we've been through so much trauma that, well, first of all, you were physically, and we can talk a little bit about that if you want to. Besides the physical trauma that you went through, you also try to push everything down. You had two girls, you were a mom, you know, you were running a business and. Once you're free from that and you move past that into a different life, it's almost like your brain doesn't want to remember, your body doesn't wanna remember the bad things that happened. I think it's protecting you. Yes. Or trying to protect you. Yeah. So your body tries to keep you safe. And that's why I always say, if anybody's listening and this starts to become triggering, please tap your collarbone. You know, tell your body I'm safe, I'm loved, I'm here with you. Because we don't wanna trigger anybody, but we do wanna really talk about, so if you were to come home, if he was to come home on a weekend, what would a typical weekend look like for you? Yeah, this is a good question. Because it never really was about him and I, he somehow, he intertwined himself in a group here in Wichita. It was a local, like swingers group. It was a bunch of old people that trade partners and he wanted to be a part of that group so bad. And, I did not. Like, at that point, I really just wanted one man for the rest of my life, and I didn't understand why he was willing or wanting to share me with other people. I think that's disgusting. Yeah. And so he would, you know, he would drag me to these parties and I knew I wasn't supposed to be there. I felt so much guilt and shame being there. Um, I cried often, uh, there and I didn't wanna be there. Um, and so I just partook in, in, in the drugs and debauchery and, um, until I just couldn't do it anymore. And it just became something to me that was so evil and so demonic that. It just, it still grosses me out to this day just to even think about that. But I think a lot of times, you know, again, sex and the drugs is, was a huge catalyst to the whole reason that we were in the situation that we were in. Yeah. Hmm. And then when I didn't, when I didn't do what he wanted me to do, that's when, you know, the, the, the hair pulling and the strangling and that stuff would all start. It was a manipulation tactic to get me to participate or I was going to be in trouble. Yeah. So you basically lived in fear when he came in the door of I'm going to have to go to these things and, I'm gonna have to do whatever against my free will because if not, I'm gonna physically get hurt. Yeah. Yeah. It was every time he would, he could be gone for a month and would come home. And that night he had, we had to go to someone's house for a party. Wow. It was never, it was like, why can't you just be with me? Like, why can't you just be happy to see me after being gone? It just didn't make any sense to me. And then anytime I would've complained was when I would, get hurt. I'll never forget, one night, my daughters and I were gonna go to Kansas City to stay with my brother and I don't remember I had something going on. But we get there and we're gonna stay in their spare room. So we were all sitting on the couch and all of a sudden he walks in the front door and he was supposed to be 14 hours away working. Oh, wow. So he would just show up. So he shows up and is like, everybody knew but me that he was coming'cause he was trying to come surprise me. Hmm. So, of course at that time I was surprised. I was like, I was happy. And so then we're getting, uh, whatever we were doing, hanging out with my family. And then he's like, I wanna go somewhere. And I was like, where? And he wouldn't tell me. He's like, I got a plan for us. I wanna go somewhere. So I didn't wanna go anywhere. So I was pitching a fit and yeah. I didn't wanna go. So we ended up getting dressed and going, and of course it's going to a bar to get drunk to then go. And, he always had these plans that he just wouldn't tell me about. He would just take me. So then we would show up at these people's house and um, there was some disagreement. At this house. Um, I won't go into specific details because they're pretty raunchy. But I got punched in the face. And so I grabbed my shoes and I ran out the front door. It was dark outside and this time it was probably two or three or four in the morning. And I tried to hide, um, because I just, I couldn't, I couldn't face him. So I'm hiding. And he gets in the car, I see him get in the car and drive around the block, and he's looking for me. And I'm like, you are in the middle of Kansas City. You have no idea where you are. You're drunk and you've been assaulted. And so I ended up showing him where I was. I got in the car and he was so mad at me that the first thing I said that about not wanting to be there and him making me do these things I didn't wanna do. He, as he is driving, he reaches over, punches me in the face, my head hits the window and I'm out of it. Right. It knocked me out. Yeah. And when I wake up, I'm like, chewing on something and I realize it's my teeth. Oh my goodness. So, um, now remind you, we get back to my brothers. It's probably four or five in the morning. Like, talk about a walk of shame. My kids are there asleep on the floor, in the room. We have to go lay in. So we have, we go in there. They're pretending like they, I find this out later. They remember this very vividly. They were pretending like they were asleep and they were listening to him just. Just berate me, just saying the worst things in the world to me. Um, so then when we wake up in the morning, in a couple hours, they notice just I am just covered with bruises. My hair is a disheveled mess. My my mascara is running all down my face. There's blood on my shoes. And they were really, really scared. Yeah, really scared. Uh, at that, at that point. I did ask them recently, like, you know, when you think about that time, what do you think about? Like, what, how do you remember it? Because I obviously was being selfish and not really thinking of my kids at the time. Otherwise I probably would've made different choices. But my youngest daughter, she said, I'll never forget one night we were eating pizza. And he looked at you and he said, how does that wrap poison taste? And I said, what? He said, I can't wait till you're bleeding out of both ends and you die in the basement. Oh my goodness. It was right in front of my youngest daughter and it was something, it says something that she apparently has never forgotten. And it's one of those things that we were just talking about that I, my brain had disassociated from because there was so much stuff worse than that. Yeah. And I just didn't really hold onto that piece there, even as gross and as that is. Yeah. I wanna thank you for just even going into this with us. I do wanna ask you this. I can't imagine that, I know that we all go through hard relationships, but to the degree of, you know, just being degraded and I just wanna thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us and getting this out in the world because, I know that you've said, I should have been a better mother. Whatever things that you could have done. It's, but I think that's the thing that we're learning is that, that's what we're here to do, is bring awareness to, right. There's no should haves. Like you were doing what you thought at the time was the safest for you and your family, right. And for your girls. And I would see this come up as a question is, okay, well if you were hiding, why would you jump out and stop him? But I am gonna say, I imagine only the fear on both ends of like what he would do to someone else, and the longer he would go, how much more it would be worse for you. But, he had my car. Yeah. Remember because he flew there, he got on a plane and flew there, and they picked him up from the airport. So he was in my car. He knew where my brother's house was, he knew where my kids were. And it was just like this. I just didn't wanna bring all this trauma to my brother and his house. And it was just one of those split decisions. I just, I was just scared. Yeah, that's what I was asking. That's what I wanted to ask. Yeah. Is, so basically when people go back, they're going back out of fear. Yes. Because there's so much control. And the fear of your children, you know, your family. I mean, at this point he has your bank account. Yes. He has your whole life. Even though he has going other places, doing whatever he's doing, he has full control of your whole life. The whole thing. The whole thing. He was literally the most manipulative person I have ever met my entire life. I mean, we, I could see him, I could visually look at him doing something wrong, and he would have me convinced at the end of that conversation that was me. And I did that. And I just, I don't understand that, man, that level of psyche manipulation and how our brains, when you can hear something over and over and over and over again, you start to believe it. Yeah. It's, it's scary. That's why our thoughts we have got to start holding them captive because what we believe about ourselves can come true. And that's, that can be scary if we're thinking really, really bad stuff about ourselves. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. Thank you for sharing this. There's so much, because I know this went on for years, right? Three, three years. Three years. Yeah. And so, um. I, sorry, I,, it's kind, it catches me off guard because I can just see you hiding and being scared for your life to share. And I also wanna bring this to awareness of, it's not just men. So like, when we say men are doing this, it's not just men. Absolutely not. It's women are doing this to men as well. Oh yes. Like it goes both ways. And so, the power of the mind and the power of you survived all of this is really what we wanna bring attention to, is that, it started when he was young. Obviously people, you don't just come out as a baby and you're not just this horrible person. Right. And I don't believe that you believe that either. That he went through a lot of trauma himself and, um, you know, then that's how he reacted to life and Right. And so, um, and, and that's another thing. He wasn't evil all the time. It was he was, when he wasn't drinking and it wasn't on drugs, he was a, a really good human being and you saw these little glimpses of who he could be. So that's what I was holding onto, is like, yeah, well,'cause in one breath he's telling me he loves me. And then the next he's punching me in the face or choking me or putting a pillow over my face. So like those two things were, are completely opposite to me. Like, that sounds like I hate you, not I love you. But he was saying, I love you. So I was listening to his words and not paying attention to his actions and I was, it was just leaving me confused. Yeah, I wanna thank you for sharing that because I think that is very powerful of, when people say one thing, their words versus their actions and, how that affects your own brain. Yes. And so you're hearing, I so love you, and you're thinking, okay, what do I do? And what were you thinking in this situation? I was thinking I didn't want another failed relationship, and, I really mm-hmm. Really wanted things to get better. And, you know, but that's just the thing. You can't be the only one that wants the things to get better. It takes two people to try to fix stuff. And he wasn't even in the mood or in the wheelhouse of admitting he had done anything wrong. He was the one trying to convince me that he didn't, he just love tapped me or I didn't do that. You don't remember things correctly. And it was just like, what? And that night in Kansas City was just one of probably 25 different scenarios, just like that, if not worse. That was probably one of the, one of the, uh, tamer ones. Yeah. Uh, I. I can't imagine, and I know you've been through a lot because we've talked about stories where I know that someone, if someone's like jumps, slam something down next to you that you today still jump and that just speaks to the level of that you've been through. Yeah. Loud noises. And honestly, you don't really know what your triggers are till they happen. Yeah. And it's been eight years and they still happen. So like loud noises like you say. And then, one that really gets me is when people barrel downstairs, like, just like that is probably my worst trigger because my bedroom, our bedroom was downstairs. So when he would just show up, because my kids also remember times, um, that scared them like we would be fighting. So he would call me and FaceTime me when he was out of town working and accuse me of all kinds of things. And then he would be like, show me around the house. I wanna see who's there, who's there. And so I'm like, whatcha talking about? No one is here? And he would be like, show me the shower, show me the bathroom, show me the closets. I had to go multiple times a day. I had to do this. His, his paranoia was insane. So, and I'm not even thinking about cheating. I'm thinking about how to survive what I'm in. Yeah. I was probably lucky that he worked on the road and I had some physical breaks because I don't think my body could have handled the, that consistently, you know, every day. But he would just accuse me of all this stuff. Well, in hindsight now I know that's projection. And he was doing those things and then blaming me for them. So we would fight, my kids would come sleep in bed with me'cause I would be crying. And then the next morning we would wake up and he would be there. He would do enough drugs and drive all night long from 14, 15, 16 hours away wherever he was working and just show up. Wow. It was insane. When you talk about like, safety in your own home, did you ever feel safe No. With someone questioning like every single step you're taking? No. Yeah. I would say it took me about five to six years before I stopped looking over my shoulder. The last I heard he was married. And so, um, not that necessarily means anything to some people, but yeah, I, again, and let me just to be very clear about this, I do not hate him. I hate what he did to me. Yeah. I don't hate him because if I hate, if I hold onto that, that was just going to destroy me inside. You know? And we all make terrible choices. Um, I think, you know, you're always holding out for that apology. You're never gonna get like, I'm sorry, I ruined your life. Mm-hmm. And I always really held on to why am I the girl that you're in the in-between girl, why did I deserve. That, but now you're married and you're settled down and you're not doing drugs. And this is all things I'm assuming, I don't know this right, but why did I deserve what I got when I was nothing but honest and faithful to you. Yeah. And put up with everything that you put me through. Mm-hmm. So, anyways, I don't hate him. Like I said, I don't care for him, but I don't hate him. Right. Um, I hope he's changed. I do because I don't wish that on anyone. I don't even care if it's my worst enemy. I don't, no, no one deserves that. No. Yeah. I, um, yeah. No, and I am so grateful that you made it clear that just where it stands in your life now is you are a believer in God and, you have to let go of the hatred for your own self to heal and to grow and, At the same time, very clearly, no one in this world deserves that. Right? It doesn't matter what you've been through. I do wanna ask you another question if you're okay with that? Sure. Was there a point when you started, telling friends or making people a little bit aware of this? How did that ever work? Yes. I had kind of, um, in the, my, my best friend, the one that really knew what was going on. I didn't tell her everything, but I told her a lot. He really wouldn't let me be alone with my friends very often. So again, when he would go out of town for work, that was really my, like, my reprieve. So I would try to, try to fill her in at those time periods. There was one night, her and her, I think they were engaged at the time. They're married now, but they came over to the house and really got to see it firsthand. This man that I was with, I won't say his name, but he. He was very destructive. When he got mad, he would break things, all of my things. Okay. I went through probably four cell phones. And those aren't cheap, obviously. Like he would take it, if he got mad and throw it down on the ground, it would bust into a million pieces. And he did this very often. I remember one time I told him, you know, this is my house. And he's like, oh yeah, this is your house. So he took my TV and he punched it and then took it, ripped it outta the wall and threw it across the room and it busted and shattered everywhere. He also did that with a laptop. I had a laptop, that it was given to me as a gift, and he punched it, ripped it in half, and threw it across the room. That's just a few things like it. We were constantly repairing and Yeah. And repaying for the damage of the things that he would destroy. Now. Would I rather him break those things in my face? Yes. But yeah, he did both. And so, you know, that was just, you just never knew what you were going to get. He was doing this when your friends were over. So it became a thing of just doing it and then when in front of people as well, and not just under closed doors. Like he was still controlling. And then when someone finally got over, he actually. Yeah, he showed, he showed his, he showed his ass per se, a few times. Not that my friend's boyfriend fiance didn't believe what I was going through, but he had never seen it because this person was so good, he could sell you anything, right? Mm-hmm. Like he had so many people in my life fooled. That really was hard for people to believe that I was telling the truth. Yeah. So when he got mad at me that night for something, he broke the phone. We were all standing in my kitchen and he just starts going off on me and just, they were just standing there like this. It was, it was a shock moment for them. And I begged them not to leave me that night because I just knew he was going to kill me as soon as they left. Mm. Yeah. I can't, it was, yeah. I can't even imagine. It was very scary. Yeah. Sorry, I'm sending you so much love. Are you feeling okay? Yeah, I'm good. Okay, good. Yeah, I can't imagine just doing that and then it was terrifying. And then asking your friend, so a person that does this, um, it's behind closed doors a lot of times, and then it went out into where actually, and the people that are doing this, maybe a little aggressive in public, but most of it's, it is behind closed doors. Right. And, he was fully controlling you. And then, everybody's not seeing it because what they're seeing him is. The person that you met that you were like, oh, he's this great guy. Yeah, he's doing great things. Charming for his kids. He was so charming. Yeah. And so he had this switch that would flip, that would lead everybody to believe, she's outta her mind, she's crazy when she said this until they saw it themselves. And were in the position where they were there with you. Yeah. When you started asking for help, what did that look like for you? Well, you know, I don't specifically necessarily remember, asking for help. There was a time where, um, when I was really trying to get away from him, so I'll tell you, really the last, site of violence, the scariest time, as I told you, each time got worse and worse. Um, I did not, I say this a lot, didn't expect to make it out of this one alive. But I suppose I felt like that every time to a degree. Mm-hmm. Um, we, I had tried to break up with him and he would not leave me alone, so he quickly took control, came back into my life, and my family was pissed. We had broken up and he had come back into my life and he's like, I promise I'm gonna be different. Things are gonna change. You know, all of that stuff. So he knew that I loved New Orleans. Um, that was, that was a, my dad loved New Orleans. He's, he always told me he is like,'cause he traveled a lot for work. He said New Orleans has the best food in the entire world. So, you know, every place I've ever eaten in the world, it's the best food ever. So I always just wanted to go there and experience it, you know? Mm-hmm. Just because of my dad. Yeah. So he said, let's go to New Orleans. We'll spend a couple days there and then we will go to, my family, which Alabama and New Orleans are pretty close, a couple hours apart. His family lived a few hours away. So he got a hotel room and we drove with my dog. We had bought a dog in the middle of all this because I really wanted to breed French bulldogs. That was what I wanted to do. And so we bought, this beautiful French bull, the bulldog, her name was Ava, may, she was the light of my life and honestly kept me alive a lot of these times, especially when I didn't have my kids because I couldn't leave her, you know what I mean? Like, I couldn't leave them, but I definitely just couldn't leave this dog to him, you know? Yeah. So, uh, it was me and him and the dog. So we packed up, drove to New Orleans, we went to sleep the next, because we got there kinda late. So the next morning we were kind of getting around, we're gonna go do some stuff, and he flipped some kind of switch. I don't, I don't even know what happened. Something I said, you just never knew. It was like walking on eggshells. And he started beating the crap out of me with his belt, and I was just so confused. And this, I mean, he wrapped it around my neck. He pulled it tight. I tried to grab the phone. He grabbed the cord, wrapped the cord around my neck. I did not think I was going to live. In the middle of all of this, someone knocks on the door and like beats on the door. And so he, he grabs me, throws me into the bathroom and he says, if you say a word, I will kill you. And I knew as soon as he opened that door that I needed to yell, please help me. But I couldn't get any words out of my mouth. Yeah. I was afraid. What happens if this guy doesn't, he? He doesn't hear me. Mm-hmm. So I can hear the guy talking and he says, what is going on in there? And it's clearly just somebody who's in the next room. Like it's not somebody who works there. And he's like, well, I don't know what you're talking about. We have the TV on and we have a dog in here. And he goes, no, there's something else going on in there. And he's like, no, there's not mind. Your business shuts the door and locks it. And I just knew it was going to resume. So finally I get him settled down enough to, I told him, I said, we haven't taken the dog outside to potty. She needs to potty. I don't want her to potty in the hotel room. Yeah. He's like, fine, but I'm going with you and you're leaving your purse up here. And I said, okay.'cause anytime I would try to grab my purse and leave him, he would grab my purse, throw it across the room. It would spill everywhere. Then he would take my phone, so I couldn't call anyone for help. Yeah. So he has all that stuff. He is following me downstairs in this lobby, and I take the dog potty. I'm clearly been crying. I've got makeup, like it was, I did not look well. So when I come back in, from taking the dog out to potty, I ran to the hotel desk and I said, I need your help. Please help me. He's been beating the crap outta me in that hotel room for two hours. I need help. And they just looked at me like I was crazy and I said, I, I don't know what else you want me to do. I need, I need help. Please call 9 1 1. And it was like, it was just like some people who are like, I don't wanna get involved. No. That, no thanks. That's not for me. And it's like, you know what? If that was your daughter? Yeah. What would you want somebody to do? And I think about that every time. Anytime I have ever seen anything, a man mistreating a woman or just anything like that, where I'm very sensitive to that stuff. And I have seen that stuff out and about, like at, you know, restaurants or whatever. Yeah. I'll say something, don't think I will. I'll open my big fat mouth. Mm-hmm. I just, I just can't, I can't sit by and, watch somebody do that. So they ended up, having someone go back up to the room with me. They called the police and I remember he kept telling the other guy that was walking with us like, it's okay man. It's under control. You can go. You can go. And I said, please do not leave my side. He's going to kill me. And so the guy just was like being quiet and they called the police. They arrested him. Um, the police there were incredible. I had to go to the police station to fill out some paperwork. He had charged the room on my card and left me about$600 in the hole. I had no money to get home. I had a dog. All the blood vessels in my eyes were broken. I had my head was, have you ever cried so much? Your head is just pounding and you just feel like you'd rather just saw it off. Um, that's what I felt like, and I just did not know how I was gonna get back home to Wichita. I ended up calling or getting ahold of his dad and his stepmom, and they lived in Louisiana, not in Alabama. His mom lived in Alabama and they said, please come here. It's a two hour drive. We'll give you some money so that you can get home and you need a good night's sleep. And we'll, we will take care of you. So that's what I did. I didn't know where I was really, I wasn't familiar. I was crying, it was just a disaster. Yeah. Absolute disaster. I had no money. So I went to their house. They had a beautiful house, that I stayed in. I actually stayed almost a week, because I was just, I felt so defeated. I thought my kids were gonna hate me because here it had happened again, and I just felt so defeated. Like, how could I be so stupid to believe this time was going to be different? And I just told myself, you cannot come back from this pretty soon. You're never going to be able to come back from it. Yeah. Okay. I ended up staying with them for a few days, almost a week. He was still in jail. He, I think he was in jail in, new Orleans for two weeks. Was this his family? Yeah. His dad and stepmom. And they fully, they were okay. They were supportive of me. They were mad at him. Of course, his dad feels responsible because he fully was aware that he was the same way and he just felt really bad for me. Of course, this guy kept calling from jail and just, I can't believe you're taking care of her. Get her, you know, it was just chaotic and I'm sure he was pissed, But I didn't have anybody, and he'd got me out in the middle of his hometown ish, you know, his area mm-hmm. Of the country. And I am alone with no money. He left me with no money. When I decided to leave, I drove to Dallas and stayed with a friend of my mom's, one night, just to break up the trip.'cause it was, you know, it was many hours. Yeah. So, and Dallas was about halfway, so I stayed the night. Then I drove all the way home, um, the next day and I got home and really just laid in bed for a long time. I was so depressed and so sad and so defeated. I didn't know what I was going to do. Um, and what I should have done though, immediately when I got home was change the walks at the house because one night I was laying in bed. My kids were upstairs, my youngest was asleep and my oldest, I think she was getting ready for bed for school the next day. I think it was a school night. Um, she. I'm kind of halfway asleep. Remember my room's downstairs and the next thing I know I hear and I am, I'm like, turn over. And I'm like, that better be Madison. And this is about a week after I got home. It's him. He has clearly been on drugs since he got out of jail. He has a gun and he's telling me he's going to kill me and then kill himself. And I just, I don't know. It was like an out of body experience. I had to then start reassuring him. We're gonna work it out. It's going to be okay. You don't have to do that. My kids are upstairs, like, I'm gonna lose my kids if you don't leave. You know? Because we did have a protection order at that point. After jail. He was not supposed to be around me. Yeah. At all. So, um, I have to try to talk him off this ledge, right? I end up getting him to go sleep in his truck and I guarantee he didn't sleep. But I got him to go back out there and I said, I, we will talk about this once I take the kids to school tomorrow. So I take the kids to school and they can tell something's off with me and his truck is kind of parked down the street from my house. I take them to school. I drive around and cry for an hour. I am so torn. I don't know what to do. He's now telling me, please come home. I just found out I have cancer. Please come home. This has to change, blah, blah, blah. I promise I've learned my lesson and I knew. The risk I was taking walking back in the house. Yeah. So I go back to the house and he, I don't really remember everything that transpired, what we talked about, but he ends up taking a shower and then,'cause he smelt terrible and then he, I, he ended up laying down and I just was laying there. He had taken my phone kind of away from me and had it in his hand. So I couldn't call nine one one while he was asleep. And the next thing I know, I'm hearing some commotion kind of upstairs outside. And I said, I started to get up and he was like, where are you going? You, did you call the police? And I said, no, I didn't call the police. You have my phone. So I go upstairs and I look out the front window and there's like six cops with their guns pointing at my house. Oh my goodness. I have never felt so relieved in my life. I opened the door, I grabbed the dog. They said, get out here right now. So I come out there and they said, where's he at? And they arrested him. And before they arrested him, he had apparently stashed his drugs under my bed, under my mattress. Like he was willing to put the drugs under my mattress for me to get in trouble for them. Yeah. And lose my kids than to take responsibility. Thank God these police officers were not stupid. And they knew. They knew whose those were.'cause I told'em they could look anywhere in the house they wanted to. Yeah. So they arrest him. I think he spent a couple weeks, in, in jail here. Um, ended up leaving. Um. And that really was, was the end. There was obviously some things that had happened, you know, after that. Um, he ended up, at some point they ended up calling me. The police did, and they extradited him from where his job was, I think it was in Louisiana. He was working in Louisiana or Texas, I can't remember. And they extradited him back to jail here for, he spent a couple months in jail over Thanksgiving and Christmas. And that was really the most amount of time that he did for, for everything. Yeah. He was never, he was never forced to financially. Um, I had to file bankruptcy. I lost my house. Yeah. I lost my car. They came and got my car. I lost my career, my job that I had at the time. I literally lost everything and I almost lost my life. And it just, it really almost doesn't even seem real sometimes. Yeah. As I'm sitting here, I'm in shock because I've heard you tell stories about I've almost died before and I've been so scared. But, you know, just, just to go through these moments with you and to think that it, it brings tears to my eyes, um, just to think in three years, like, you went through all of this and like, um, you know, people always, I think the one thing is they're like, well, well, you said okay, you asked for help, and they stood there and that, and to me that would've been like, I think people were in shock when someone comes in screaming and you know what, you, exactly what you said happened is. No one wants to get involved in anything, especially nowadays. So now we're how many years later? And people just don't wanna get involved in other people's business. Yeah. And it's, it's worse now. Right. You know? Right.'cause you don't know what's gonna happen to you, the retaliation of what's gonna happen to you. So you're thinking, do I protect that person or do I protect myself? What is the right thing to do? And if someone came to me and said, call 9 1 1, well, I would be like, wait, what? What is happening? And it takes a second, to fully process, to register and yeah. Like, what is happening? And, I am so grateful that they did that do you have any idea why the police showed up at your house? Oh, yes I do. So what had happened was, is he did not show up for court in Louisiana. Right after he got out of jail. He went on a bender. He got straight on drugs. He had someone come pick him up with a big bag of drugs, and he started just doing drugs ever since he got outta jail in New Orleans. And then he took this girl's gun, and that's what he drove to Wichita for. So he didn't show up for court. So the cops in New Orleans called the cops and Goddard and they said, you need to go check on her right now. We think he drove to Goddard to kill her. That was the only reason that they were at my house. Yeah. I can't even imagine. After you got home the first time, were you ever able to feel safe in between that little timeframe that happened? No, I, I'm telling you, it was years. Mm-hmm. Years that I just was looking over my shoulder. I was checking the door locks. I was, my, my kids really didn't even feel safe to stay with me. Yeah. It was a really tough, tough time. Nobody felt safe. He, uh, he was, he was very smart when it came to like electronics and stuff. And he would like hack things and like, hack my emails, hack this hack. I just can't even wrap my brain around that kind of stuff.'cause I'm electronically challenged. Yeah. But I'm, I just, he would just show up inside of things he would make new accounts with his dead brother's name to show up at on social me. Like, it was just wild everywhere I looked, it was wild. I had to probably call 9 1 1 on him, when I had a protection order against him. Okay. Uh, probably 16, 15, 16 times, to file a report from him violating that he didn't care about violating anything. He was showing up where I was. He knew where I was. It was very terrifying. Wow. I wanna thank you. First of all, thank God for the cops showing up that day. And, uh, the Goddard Police hold a huge piece of my heart. In fact, I've run into them a couple times after and they remember me and I don't know how they couldn't, but they remember me and they have asked me many times like, how are you? And, I remember one of them sitting down with me one day and he said, Kinzie, if you do not get away from him, he's going to kill you. And we're going to show up here. You're going to be dead. Wow. And it was just like a knife to the heart, you know? Yeah. I am so grateful. So, so grateful that you were alive today to share this story with us and, go through some of these stories because we can hear little bits of it. I mean, you see it all over the news, but until you've talked to somebody who's gone through it and people are like, why didn't they run? Well, you just said, I didn't run out of fear. I didn't have the money, everything was controlled. There was so much that, I mean, I, well, statistically, most women die when they're leaving or have just left a domestic violence relationship. Yeah. Leaving is the scariest part. Yeah. I, ooh, thank you for Yes. Thank you for pointing that out, because that's what I was gonna ask. As you've gone through this, we all go through different pain, but this is a totally different level of pain on all levels of trust. You know, like your body, emotionally, spiritually, physically, of like just changing everything. Well, lemme tell, tell you too, lemme tell you too. He drew, he grew up in the church and he could spout scripture like no one's business. I don't remember who I was talking to, but I'll never forget what they said. I said he, I just don't understand this, it doesn't make any sense to me. I was always trying to rationalize this abuse, like trying to make it make sense, but it doesn't make sense to me'cause I'm just not that kind of person. But I said he knows scripture and she goes, so does the devil. And I was like, of course. Yeah, you're right. Of course the devil knows scripture inside and out. Mm. That is like a mic drop moment of you don't think about that just because someone's, what their words are saying. Again, it all comes back to there were so many words said, and, but then the opposite things were all happening. So I know it's been years and we could talk about this all day and everything you've been through. I know that you've turned to God for a lot. If someone's listening and they're experiencing this, do you have some advice that you would give them? Yeah. Scream your story out loud because I feel like violence, domestic violence, thrives in silence. And that is one of the reasons, after I finally had got rid of him, I needed to come public and I just felt God calling me. One day I was leaving Walmart and I sat in my car and I cried and I made it. It was like a 10 minute video, and that's what I posted on my, on Facebook. I just wanted people to be aware of what I just got done dealing with, because I had lost some friends. I had not paid attention to people. I didn't want anybody to take anything personal because I was just going through the most traumatic time of my life. And so I just felt like I needed to share what I was going through, and I had every intention in that moment of trying to just be there for other women and help them. What ended up happening was I told my story or just the generalization that I was just in a domestic violence relationship. Yeah. But I then opened for women to reach out to me if they needed to talk. What ended up happening was. Two women that he ended up hooking up with right after me. And that's what they do. They, the narcissist, they have someone else already waiting. Because they're never really just with one person at a time. They're with a bunch of people. And so he had moved on to the next person. Next person. Those two women had gone through, one in particular the next one had gone through what I just went through, but 10 times worse than me, she called me, she got my name because he told her in a fight that he would never love her. Like he loved me and she got my name and my information. She calls me and I was, I, I just started bawling. It was like me talking to myself. She was telling me everything he had done to her and I was just like, my jaw was on the floor. I'm talking drug her by her hair outside of his truck door on a gravel road. I'm talking. Trauma. Trauma 10 times worse. Yeah. Than me. And her and I are still friends to this day. And he really just has been abusive to every person that he's ever been with. When I met him, I forgot to tell you this, but when I met him, he told me he was a product of domestic violence. And I was like, oh, okay. Like, I guess, yeah. Like men can go through it too. Right. And he told me that the lady who he was with for years, way before years before had stabbed him with a pair of scissors right here. So by the time I got done with him myself, I had thought I probably would've stabbed you with scissors also, if I had some near me to get away from you. So then after experiencing it firsthand for me. I understood that she probably did that to survive. Yeah. But he told me she was the abusive one. I'm telling you, it's just so manipulative. Well, and it's something I think that, you don't, you can't wrap your, he head around it until you're actually in the position. Right. So if you have a friend that is going through this, I know that you have to be very cautious. I know that, we've talked about it, when you ran your shake shop, it was a safe space for a lot of women. Sure. And, that is where, I got to know you and you talked a little bit about things and, women would come in and, you just have this open heart where people fully trust you and they would start to, to tell you things. And so if you have a friend that's going through this, how does a friend help someone without getting them more harmed? Right. Um, do you have any suggestions or thoughts? Well, the first thing I would say to any woman, woman that, that might be going through it, they could even just open up to me, especially since I've been there, done that. I would, first of all, I'd tell you, you are not broken. Yeah. I believe you. Yeah. I believe all of these things that happened to you. And next would be that God, if you'll let him and you turn to him, he can make something so beautiful out of something so broken. And to be honest, several months ago I was working out downstairs, and my oldest daughter had, she's moved out now. Mm-hmm. Um, with her fiance and, she had an, like an adult scriptural coloring book on her desk, and I was looking through it and she colored so beautiful in it, and I just thought it was awesome. You know, like when you, when your kids grow up and they have their own relationship with Christ, it is just absolutely beautiful. I was just so proud of her in that moment. And it was like a light bulb went off in my head and God told me be, because I remember there was a couple times where I just grabbed, a pin or some colors and started coloring in some of my kids' books. And it was like a really, uh, a serene moment to get out of my head and get my creativity onto paper and just to really get myself out of myself because I was in such a destitute time, with drugs and just, uh, the abuse that I just really didn't wanna be alive. And that's a really scary place for people. Who have ever experienced that feeling. Yeah. And I just remember just coloring, just being just a, just the solitude. With yourself and your, and you know, I don't know. I can't even explain it. It was just such a magical moment coloring back then. So I see this coloring book and I'm like, and I hear God tell me. I want you to make that, but I want you to make it for women who are going through domestic violence or have been through it or recovering from it, or in the middle of it. All of them. Yeah. Just even trauma. This is, it is just good, for anyone. And I was like, me make a coloring book. Like, yeah. I've never, I don't know what, I don't know how to do that, you know? Yeah. But now there's just so many tools that can help do this stuff. And you can self-publish now. Yeah. Through Amazon, which is amazing. Everybody can tell their story and somebody needs to hear your story. Yeah. One person, 10 people, 150 people. Somebody needs your story. Somebody needs to know that they are not alone. And by God, if I can just create a space for other women to not feel alone like I did, yeah. That would just be incredible to me. So, that's what I did, that's what I did. I created a coloring book, and it's got my sweet doggie on the front. She did end up passing away, way before her time, and that was a whole next level of trauma. But this is the coloring book that I created, and it's called, even Broken Crays, still Color for the woman who refuses to stay broken and is ready to heal and color. It's a scriptural based coloring book, and there's pages to color. There's thought provoking, questions in here. This is just really a, just to remind you, and on every page. You are not alone and that God is with you every step of the way. And I am so certain I am not dead because God was holding my hand and holding me through that situation. There's no other explanation. Yeah. I was not supposed to survive that. And I'll tell you what, and I've said this to a few people, I firmly believe I was supposed to go through that. I think everything happens for a reason. And it's not just a cliche statement. I think we grow into the people we're supposed to be through the experiences that we go through. And I have such a heart for, for women in particular, and just people in general. I just, I'm an empath and I know you are too. We talk about this all the time. Like I physically feel what other people feel. Yeah. It's like I'm going through it, right? Mm-hmm. Beside them. So that's what I did. I created, um, really a, a whole brand called Healing and Color and this coloring book, and I just wrote it in Spanish. I'm getting ready to yay, um, to put that out myself. It's just, it's really needed in that community, as well. And I just really hope to touch people. Everyone who orders a book, like I have it on the TikTok shop, so everybody orders one, I'll write them hand, write them a special note, to, let them know that I am thankful and that God is with them every page that they open and every color that they pick up. It's really just been a blessing. And to top everything off, I just really felt God tell me you need to do some healing. Yeah. If you're gonna help other people do some healing mm-hmm. You can't tuck away your trauma for eight years and think it's going to go away because the body keeps score. A hundred percent. And that is an incredible book for anybody who's never, read it, but our body holds onto to trauma. Casey and I have done a lot of Yeah, work, just listening to our bodies and changing, we just hold onto all that trauma and our gut and it just can really wreak havoc on the rest of your life if you don't learn to let that stuff out. Yeah. I wanna thank you for being here, and just thank you for sharing all of that, and thank you for being so vulnerable and just sharing your experience. There's really no words to say when someone's been through something this deep, but I am so grateful that you're alive and I'm so grateful that you are now turning this into a situation that, can spread awareness, to others going through this, but really to the community of. This is happening so much more than we think and all around us. And you couldn't be the one to save somebody else's life by just being aware and Right. Honestly. Um, you know, having these open conversations with your kids, not to scare them, but we need to know that we are enough as we are and we are loved. And you said all of those words like you are not alone and everybody needs to know that. It's so, so powerful and, I can't wait. I know that it's already in so many people's hands for just as the ripple effect of it just is spread on to so many more. Can you tell the listeners where they can find you at? Yeah, so I, will give you my link tree and it has a link, to buy the book on Amazon. It also has a link if you wanna purchase several copies for maybe a local, shelter, you can reach out. There's all my information in the Link tree to get ahold of me. You can donate on Venmo Cash app, PayPal, like however you want. And then again, if you know someone, I'd be happy if you just reach out to me, I'd be happy to just mail that person a copy of in, in your name. Or you can, again, like I said, you can get it on Amazon. It's on there too. But the link tree really has all of my information. So that's just the best place to do it. So yeah. If they wanted to have a quick conversation with you, what is the best way to do that on social media or TikTok? How do Yeah. Yes. Yeah, anywhere. Anywhere. On TikTok, my handle is healing in color. On the link tree, there's also a button you can, they'll take you directly to my TikTok. Okay. So that's handy. And I think there's like a button even in my link to where you can just email me. My email's attached. So if you can't get ahold of me too, you can always reach out to Casey and she knows how to get ahold of me. I'm an open book, and again, if anybody needs anything, I don't even care if you just need a coffee date or a virtual coffee date just to talk about what you're going through. Like I, with somebody who, who knows or understands, I'm absolutely available for that too. Thank you so much, and I'll drop all that in the show notes. So, it's easy for them just to click on and find. Yeah. And I just wanna thank you, from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story and just being so brave to take action and not just sit in what you've been through, but really to create this space for people to be able to connect and have someone to connect with and not feel alone. You took the brave courage and you did the action. And, it's gonna be huge. And I just love you so much. Well, thank you for creating this safe space for people to, to come together and, really, and just community. You know, God doesn't want us to do life alone. Yeah. And when you feel so alone. When you feel like you don't have anyone, that is the time you've got to yell and you've got to find someone because that is, we are not meant to do life like that. Thank you. That's probably like one of the best closing statements you could say right there. I wanna thank you all for listening. Kenzie's story is so, so inspiring and I will leave all of the links. If anybody was triggered by this, I do encourage you to, go to some breath work, tap on your collarbone, just signal safety to your body. We talked about a lot of deep conversation. She went through a lot that she's been through, and I just thank her for the bottom of my heart for sharing this experience. And. The awareness that it's gonna bring to this. And she's gonna be able to help so many others. And not only is she going to be able to, she's now giving others permission to hear, go share her book and you can help others. Yes. Get through something so big. So, as always, listeners, thank you for listening and go click on Kenzie's link and check her out. Thank you for tuning into another episode. I hope today's story inspired you to embrace your own journey of growth and change. Remember, transformation isn't always easy, but it's always worth it. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe. Share it with a friend, and leave a review. If you found something that sparked you in this episode and may spark a friend, I encourage you to go share with them. If you have your own story you would like to share, I would love to hear it. So please reach out to me. Until next time, friends, go have some fun and let those sparks lie.