Communicate to Connect: Creating Impactful Conversations

In this episode of 'Investor Evolution Elevate,' we explore the art of effective communication inspired by Charles Duhigg's book, 'Super Communicators.' We discuss how mastering communication can improve relationships, foster deeper connections, and lead to greater success. Discover the different types of communication—practical, emotional, and social—and learn how to align your conversations for better understanding. Implement the 'looping for understanding' technique and avoid common communication pitfalls to transform your interactions. Tune in for actionable tips and insights to elevate your life and conversations.

00:00 Introduction to Effective Communication
00:43 Welcome to Investor Evolution
01:57 Why Communication Matters
02:56 Three Types of Communication
07:57 Active Listening: Looping for Understanding
12:28 Aligning Your Emotional State
13:40 Common Communication Mistakes to Avoid
17:11 Homework: Practicing Looping for Understanding
18:13 Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts

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Transcript

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Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling unheard, misunderstood, or just completely drained? What if I told you that the key to better relationships, stronger connections, and even greater success lies in how we communicate. Today we're diving into the art of effective communication, what to do, what to avoid, and one simple technique that you can start using today to help transform the way you connect with others. This is inspired by Charles Duhigg's book, Super Communicators, and this episode will help you level up your conversations and make every interaction more impactful. Let's get started. Welcome to investor evolution, elevate the podcast, designed to help busy professional women like you, rise higher in every area of life. Whether you're looking to create financial freedom, reclaim your time, or find harmony while you're thriving in your career, this show is for you. Join me each week. As we uncover strategies to grow your wealth, nurture your personal development, and elevate your life to new heights, so you can live with purpose, joy, and confidence. So, today's episode is brought to you by the letter C for communication, because this week I had experienced some miscommunication, some misunderstanding that happened and just got me thinking about how I can be a better communicator to make sure that I'm being heard, but also really importantly, to make sure I'm understanding where others are coming from. And I think this is something that we can work on continuously and continue to refine and hone those skills so that we foster stronger relationships, deeper connections and even success in our careers. Why communication matters. Effective communication can help strengthen personal and professional relationships. Miscommunication often leads to frustration, of course we've all felt that, conflict, when we're fighting over things when we actually agree because we just said it in different ways and didn't actually communicate properly. But more importantly, missed opportunities because of that miscommunication. So what are we diving into this episode? What do you get today? We're going to talk about three things that you can do for more effective communication. And this is all coming from Charles Duhigg's book on super communicators. A great book, a great read. I listened to it, so it was a great listen. Uh, I, I encourage you to check it out. And then we'll talk about three things to avoid. And lastly, I'll give you a little bit of homework. So a simple but powerful tool that you can start using today. Okay, let's talk about the three different types of communication. When you're having a conversation, there isn't just one type of conversation you're having. Under the surface, kind of in the subconscious, there's three different types of communication and conversations that you're actually having when you're discussing a topic. And those three are practical, Emotional and social. And we'll go over what each of these mean. So when you're having a conversation, a practical conversation, think of problem solving. What are we having for dinner tonight? Where would you like to go for vacation? What do we need to get to from the store? Those are all practical conversations and problem solving. Here's a question. Here's what we need. And we need to talk about, let's find the solutions Under the emotional conversation, this is where you're seeking some sort of support or empathy. One of the most common types of this conversation that I think we can all relate to is coming home from work kind of expressing our feelings on the day. It could be good, it could be bad, you know, what went well at work or what went wrong, what's going on with your boss and all those dynamics. Now in this conversation, you may just want to be heard. You maybe don't want someone to give you practical advice and tell you or help you solve the problem. You may not be ready for that yet. And so, when you're talking to someone, and they're listening, and you're talking about the emotions of the day, and they're offering you solutions, you guys are not communicating on the same level. This is why knowing the different types of Communication and conversations is very important because you're talking on the emotions, just looking for some support, looking for some empathy, and your partner may be trying to give you solutions and there's a mismatch, and then you may feel even more frustrated because you feel like, I'm not being heard, I'm not being seen in this conversation, and you may just throw your hands up and walk away. So that is why it's very important to understand this. And then the third type of communication or conversation is social. This is about learning about your identity, learning about your values. It could have an emotional component to it, like understanding where you grew, what was it like when you were growing up? What kind of things did you experience, kind of understanding who they are, what their world looks like. So you can understand things from their perspective a little bit. Now as I said, the conversation may flow through these different types of conversations. So let's say you come home from work and you're venting. About the day you had, you know, you've had problems with your boss for a while. And it's kind of been an ongoing conversation with your significant other. And if you come home and you're on the emotional level and they don't match that, they're kind of on that problem solving level, again, that's where that communication mismatch is happening. But let's say you came home, Oh man, today was really rough. My boss, uh, da, da, da, da, da. This is what happened. And your partner is like, Oh man, again, that's really frustrating and allows you some time to get through that emotion. Once, once you've done that and you feel like you've been heard, they might say, that sounds really frustrating. Do you want to talk more about it? Or do we want to talk about some solutions for this problem? Now, you feel as though you've been heard because your significant other has listened to you, they understand the situation, and now they're asking. Not just changing the conversation, but asking if you want to switch from an emotional conversation to a practical conversation. And that might feel a lot better, because you may be ready, like, yes, I would really love your advice, or nope. I want to be right here. I want to stay in, in, in this emotional conversation or maybe at another time. I'm still really upset right now. Let me think about it and then we'll come back and we'll have that practical conversation. So that's where that, those conversations can flow from one type of conversation to another. And it's important to understand that so that you are on the same, same wavelength, so to speak. Another thing that can be extremely important for effective communication is It's engaging in active listening. And what Charles Duhigg writes in Super Communicators is this idea of looping for understanding. And I love this. What this is doing is you are listening to hear and understand versus to just respond. And this shows that you are truly understanding and hearing where the speaker is coming from. Making sure you're understanding what they're saying. One way you can do this is when someone is discussing a problem or a situation, you can stop and say, Okay, I want to take a minute and just reflect back what I'm hearing to make sure I understand where you're coming from. What I heard you say was this. And it sounds like this is frustrating you because that. And it gives the other person. To hear how you're interpreting their situation, what they're saying. And they may say, that's exactly what I mean. That's exactly how I'm feeling. And then you know you're on the same page. What might also happen is they may say, actually, no, that's not how I really feel. I didn't mean to portray it that way. Or, actually, That's wrong. Here's how I'm really feeling. And it gives them a chance to truly clarify their emotions, how they're feeling, what's going on from their perspective to make sure that you are seeing it the same way they do. And asking some open ended questions of Maybe they're telling you their story and you're like, hold on, I need some clarification. What did you mean by this? What I'm learning is when people say certain things, I assume a lot, and I assume I understand what they meant by that. But what I'm finding is a lot of the times I'm not on the same page, and my assumption of what they meant by that phrase or that word is different. than how I interpret it. So asking some clarifying questions as they're telling you their story and what they're going through can help you see and understand from their perspective, not yours. Because unfortunately, we do bring our perspective into that conversation, and we do need to be mindful of that and adjust it a little bit. I had a situation this week where I reached out to a friend to say, Hey, I need some advice on this situation. And before I got into it, I gave her a little detail in a text message. But when we got on the phone, the first thing she asked me was, when you reached out, I want to make sure we're on the same page. Do you want me just to listen? Or are you looking for some strategic advice to move forward? And I loved that she did that because then I could tell her exactly what I needed. I'm looking for some strategy and some advice in this situation, and that's why I reached out to you. Now, before we even start, we're already on the same page. And it was a really great conversation. And we had, I had a lot of clarity coming out of that. And I think because A lot of that was because we started on the same page when we were going through, if we were becoming out of sync, she asked questions to help keep us on the same page and move through that conversation. So that was a great example of that looping for understanding, making sure she understood where I was coming from and what I was needing in order to reflect back to me those things. I find this so powerful in so many situations. Communication is key in everything that we do. And so it's very important for us to make sure that We are looping for understanding so that we're all on the same page and we're not unintentionally frustrating others. So I think that's very important. So the third thing that can help with communication is aligning your emotional state. When we're in sync emotionally, it feels so much better, right? People respond better when they feel emotionally in sync with you. Using your tone and your body language to match where the other person is can actually help create good rapport. So let's say someone is sharing exciting news and they're like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe this happened. Let me share this with you. And if you were like, Oh, that sounds great. Like clearly they're going to be deflated and. It's just not going to feel good. But if they're sharing that news and you're like, Oh my goodness, that sounds so amazing. Tell me more. I can't wait to hear it. Just it flows so much better. And we all know that intuitively, but actually thinking about that and creating that environment when we have conversations where emotional alignment will actually strengthen our connection and our impact is really important. So that's the biggest takeaway, that emotional alignment strengthens connections and our impact. Now let's talk about three communication mistakes that we want to make sure we're avoiding. It kind of goes in alignment with what we talked about already. Number one, misreading the conversation type. As we talked about earlier with those different types of conversations, practical, emotional and social, if you're not on the same wavelength, there's going to be some miscommunication. If someone is seeking emotional support, don't just respond with solutions. For example, a friend is venting about work stress, and you're not really listening and you just offer some advice of maybe you should just quit. That obviously is not helpful and clearly misaligned. The way you can go about that from making that mistake to creating a better situation is asking, are you looking for advice or are you just looking to vent? And that's a great way to clarify what type of conversation you're having and where you need to go next. Number two, neglecting the emotional layer. Have you ever been in a conversation and you're like, clearly their body language, their tone isn't matching their words, right? The feelings behind the words are misaligned and you can tell, but. You just kind of power through it because you're like, I don't want to talk about that. Ignoring those cues is detrimental to the connection. Here's a good example when you're. Kids are really upset and you say calm down. Does that help anything? No. But if you say, I can see you're really frustrated right now. How can I help? Then you're acknowledging their emotions are real and there, and then you're asking, what can you do in that situation? How can you help? Validating those emotions. Before you're offering solutions can help people feel seen. And that helps with your communication. Another thing to avoid number three is dominating the conversation. A conversation should go both ways. So if you're always waiting to respond, instead of truly listening. It's time to pause. If you're just waiting for them to, to pause so that you can get your words in, you're not actually having a conversation. You're talking at each other. And if you can slow down and after they're done talking, you can ask an open ended question that helps the other person feel heard. One of the things I've noticed with my Zooms that I do is when they're recording, It shows up how much I'm talking and how much of the conversation I have had. And I try to make sure that I am less than 50 percent of the conversation. I find that I'm actually very good at continuing to ask them questions and to get more information out of them. Sometimes that means I don't talk a lot about myself. In a way, I think I need to find a better balance, to be honest, because sometimes they're like, I don't know anything about you, you didn't even talk. And I'm like, oh, it's okay, I learned so much about you, you know? But there does need to be that balance of that reciprocation of your conversation. Because that's where that connection is formed. Okay. And the last thing we're going to talk about today is your homework. Yes, I'm giving you homework. What I want you to do is practice that looping for understanding technique. So how does it work? Let's recap it. Next time you're in a conversation, I want you to reflect back or repeat back what you hear before you respond to them. And you can say, what I heard you say was da, da, da, da, da. And then before you respond, ask, did I get that right? And I want you to start watching how this shifts your conversation dynamic. Does it help improve communication? Does it help you feel like you're more in sync with the other person? Does it help deepen relationships? I think it will, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by how this works. So why does this matter? Again, it creates clarity, it reduces misunderstandings, and it helps strengthen True relationships where you truly feel connected with the other person. All right, so key takeaways. Let's recap what we heard. We talked about the different communication styles and you want to make sure you're working to match that communication style. and the conversation type. You want to use that active listening and emotional alignment. And, of course, we want to avoid common mistakes, like problem solving, when all the other person was looking for was a supportive ear to listen to them. All right, final thought for the day. Great communication isn't about saying more. It's about being understood. Start practicing these simple shifts and watch how your conversations transform. Again, try this loop for understanding technique this week and share your experience. And as always, if you found value here, please like, subscribe, and share this episode if this resonated with you. All right, until next week.