What Do You Really Want? How to Get Clear on Your True Desires

In this episode, we delve into the profound question, 'What do you really want?'  Some people know from a young age, while others need to embark on a personal journey of self discovery. Use questions for self discovery to help you with career development and self development. If you've ever felt unsure about your path in life, this discussion is for you. We'll explore why it's challenging to identify our true desires, the impact of external expectations, and how fear and perfectionism cloud our clarity. Learn practical steps to uncover what energizes you and aligns with your authentic self. From journaling to meditation and quiet reflection, we'll guide you through a process of self-discovery. Join us as we navigate through acknowledging limiting beliefs, exploring curiosities, and taking small steps toward a more fulfilling life. Grab a journal and let's uncover your true desires together.

00:00 Introduction: The Quest for Clarity
01:29 Understanding the Struggle
03:08 The Art of Self-Questioning
04:24 Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
05:54 Practical Steps to Discovering Your Desires
08:24 Four Strategies for Gaining Clarity
11:32 Recap and Encouragement
12:53 Final Thoughts and Action Steps

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Transcript

0:00

Hey everyone, and welcome to this episode where we're gonna talk about what do you really want? Now, some people are born knowing exactly what they want. My brother knew from the beginning that he was gonna be an engineer. Legos to him were just a natural extension of his ability to create and put together and figure out how things work. And for him, the career, the lifestyle, the goals, they were clear from day one. And then there was me. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. And some days I still feel like that. For me, it wasn't that simple. I didn't really know what I liked, what I didn't like, what I wanted, what I didn't want, mainly because I never took the time to stop and ask myself, what do you want? I did what was expected and I did what I should do. And so today we're gonna talk about this because for the rest of us who are like me, it's not that simple. We don't just know. And if that's you, I want you to know there's nothing wrong with you. It's okay. We're gonna figure out how to do this together. The only wrong move that we can make is never asking ourselves that question, what do I want? Let's talk about why we struggle to know what we want. If you're like me, you've been conditioned to ask, what's expected of me? What should I do? What's important? Not what I want, or what lights me up? What makes me feel alive? What could I do that would make me feel energized? I didn't ask myself those questions at all growing up or until my forties. We have made a lot of life choices based on external validation, what's expected and not what we desire internally. Fear, perfectionism, people pleasing, definitely clouded my clarity. What about you? Is that what seemed to hold you back a little bit too? You may not know what you want because you've never been given permission to truly ask yourself. Now, I want to stop right there and say you don't need permission. You can do this on your own, it can be very difficult to feel like it's okay to stop and ask myself these questions. I don't know about you. For me, when I started to ask myself these questions, all of these thoughts about this is selfish. You know, you, you know what's expected of you, just keep going on that path. There was a lot of negative self-talk that I had to deal with in order to explore this question, what do I really want? So what I want you to do is. If you're in this category, if you're like me and hundreds of millions of other people who are like, I just don't really know what I want to do, first of all, you've gotta ask yourself this question, and I want you to understand that the answer may not come quickly. It may not be obvious, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. Just keep going. So start with saying this question out loud. What do I want? Not what should I want, or what do people expect of me, but what do I want? And be okay with not having an answer right away. And I would assume for most of us, that answer doesn't come at all because we've never really taken the time to truly ask ourselves, what do we want? And so our brain has a hard time answering that question.'cause we don't know.'cause we've never asked this question before. As you ask yourself this question, what's really going to happen is the art of listening. And just sitting with that question, what comes up, there's probably going to be a lot of limiting beliefs that come up, so I want to encourage you to journal, maybe do voice notes, ways that you can explore these thoughts that come up and figure out how to work with them or set them aside, for example. If I ask myself that question of what do I want, one of the thoughts that comes up is it doesn't really matter. You just, just keep doing what you're doing. And what I'm gonna encourage you to do is take that next thought that comes up, especially if it's a negative thought, and dissect it. Start asking yourself questions about it. Is that true? Does it matter? Does it not matter? What if I explore this and what could that mean for me? Start asking yourself questions, especially when you have those negative thoughts to come up with why you have those. Is it true? Is it always true? Is it sometimes true? What? What would make the opposite true? And write those things down. Because then you can start taking those negative beliefs, those limiting beliefs, and start turning them into positive beliefs and positive reflections moving forward. Now the other thing that might be helpful is doing some meditation. Maybe it's just five minutes a day and just sitting with a notebook nearby and thinking. What do I want? And, and see what comes up. Write down those negative thoughts. Write down those thoughts that pop into your head that you're like, whoa, where did that come from? And start exploring it. Maybe going for a walk without any music or a book. Something that you know, you normally you would do. I always run listening to a book, so being able to do that without something distracting me a lot of times, that's where some of those thoughts will come in. In those times, the shower is definitely a big one. Um, where people get ideas and things just hit you differently because your mind isn't focused on anything in particular. You're just going through the motions. And that's sometimes where it comes up with the best ideas. Am I right? Have you been in the shower and had like the best idea? So that might be helpful, but you need those quiet moments where you can really tune in to yourself and start listening. So ask that question. What do I want? Sit with it. Be curious. Ask it again. Keep asking it until you start finding those answers. It may be one thing, it may be a whole bunch of things, but keep asking. I'm gonna tell you, in the last couple months I have done this and it took me several weeks before. I really got clarity on answers, but I just kept asking, what do I want? What do I want to do? If it didn't matter, if I had to make money, what would I want to do? What do I want? What are the things that I love to do? That was the other thing that really. Helped me figure out what I want is I just wrote down what do I love? What are the things that I love? I love coffee. I love books. I love traveling. I love journaling. I love talking to people. I love my podcasts. You know, just start writing down the things that you love, that you, that you like to do. You want to do that if didn't matter, if you made money doing it or not, you could do what are those things? Start asking yourself and keep asking that question until you get clarity. So the next thing I want to talk about is you may go through this process. I've, I've done this. This is what I've been working on and working through is. You may get some of these answers, but you're still not really sure. So I'm gonna give you four things that you can try to see if we can get more clarity around this topic. Number one, ask yourself what I don't want to do, what do I not want to do? What drains you? What no longer fits? What are you doing currently? That you hate doing and you wish you could stop it. What are those things? Write down the things that pull energy from you, that take energy away that you hate doing. Write those things down. What do you not want? And then number two, this one's, this one's kind of interesting. Pay attention to jealousy. Who or what makes you say, oh, I wish I could do that. When jealousy rises up in us, it's, it's because of a longing. It's because it's something that we want and because we don't have it yet. Then that feeling of jealousy arises. So pay attention to your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions, your intuition. When you're, you see other people doing things, you're like, man, I really wish I could do that. If you say that to yourself, it might be something that you really want. Maybe what they're doing specifically isn't exactly it. Maybe, maybe it's speaking on stages you don't want to speak about. Startup companies, but maybe you want to be a motivational speaker. Maybe that's something that you want, and there's a pull to that. Maybe you see someone making incredible art and you think, man, back in college I used to love to draw and paint and I was so good at it. You know, I, I wish I could do that more. Those are things that you want to start paying attention to, what your heart pulls you towards. Okay. Number three, think about what energizes you. What are you doing, or when do you feel like you are most yourself? When do you feel like I could do this for hours, I could do this forever and be so thankful that I get to keep doing that. What are those things in your life? And then the fourth thing I want you to try is to experiment. Try small things. If there's something that comes up, say yes to that curiosity and see where it takes you. Every step will reveal more. If you start down that path or you start thinking about things and you realize, oh no, I don't actually really want to do that. It might give you insight into what you really do want to do. Sometimes those, trials and errors, and that failing forward really will move you to the right path that you're meant to be on. So let's recap that. Start with what you don't want. What drains you, what no longer fits? Pay attention to jealousy. What or who makes you say, oh, I wish I could do that. Notice what energizes you. When do you feel the most like yourself? And experiment. Try small things. Say yes to curiosity. Every step reveals more. Clarity rarely comes all at once. It unfolds like a flower blooming. It unfolds when we take steps, even small steps towards what feels like alignment. What are we aligned to and what are we moving towards? That clarity will start to open up. So I know this is an interesting one, but I really want you to explore this, if you haven't explored this before, it can be really powerful. You don't have to have it all figured out, but don't stop asking that question, what do I want? Because the more you ask, the more what you'll remember and see who you truly are and the more aligned your life will become. So keep asking, keep listening. Your desires are already speaking. You just have to get quiet enough to hear them. So as we wrap up, y'all know it wouldn't be me without a little action step and some homework, so I want you to get a journal. Get your voice notes out and I want you to ask that question, what do I want? Write it down and sit with it each day. It doesn't have to be a lot. Five minutes. Do it in the shower. You're gonna be in the shower anyway, so do it in the shower. What do I want? As you're washing your hair and thinking about it. Things may come up. All right, everyone. Share this episode with a friend who's searching too, because there is a lot of us out there who are still trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up. So share this episode and if this resonated with you, please hit subscribe and let's keep growing together. Alright, friends, until next time.