Rest, Reward, Renew: Small Gifts on the Path of Grief

summary

In this episode of Growth from Grief, host Susan Andersen discusses the journey of navigating grief, particularly during the holiday season. She emphasizes the importance of self-care and rewarding oneself amidst the challenges of grief. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, she encourages listeners to acknowledge their emotions and find ways to care for themselves during difficult times.

takeaways

• Grief is a challenging journey that requires hard work.
• It's important to reflect on personal needs during times of loss.
• Rewarding oneself during grief is essential for healing.
• Acknowledging emotions is a crucial part of the grief process.
• Self-care is not selfish; it's necessary for well-being.
• Finding small glimmers of light can help in the healing process.
• The holiday season can amplify feelings of grief and loss.
• Creating space for silence can aid in emotional recovery.
• Listening to one's own needs is vital during grief.
• Sharing experiences with others can provide support and understanding.

Thank you for listening! Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Susan Andersen (00:03.382)

Hello, I'm Sue Andersen, grief guide and yoga teacher dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenging journey of loss. Welcome to Growth from Grief, where I aim to offer strategies to transition from the depths of grief to the path of healing. Whatever loss you are grappling with, here you'll discover support to ease both the physical and emotional burdens of grief. Together, let's embark on a journey towards strength, peace, and healing. I'm so glad you are here.

Susan Andersen (00:54.68)

Hi and welcome to this episode of Growth from Grief. I'm your host, Sue Andersen. Thanks for joining today. We are at the end of the year, getting close to the end of the year, getting close to the end of the holiday season, getting close to the winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere, summer solstice if you are in the Southern Hemisphere. Always a change happening during these times of solstice. 

And here in the Northern Hemisphere we're coming to the darkest time of year, The darkest time of during the daytime. So it's a time for reflection. And it's time to kind of think about yourself, think about changes, opportunities, and preparing for this change in the seasons. It's also for me a time to reflect and think about what I need, what's important to me during this time. 

I started thinking about the topic for today's episode when I was thinking about my dad. My dad died about when I was 34, so a while ago. He was younger than I am now and he was a man of simple pleasures. He really enjoyed being with family. He liked doing things that were kind of close to home. He wasn't a big traveler. Just enjoyed being with family and friends.

Susan Andersen (03:05.11)

When I got my first job, he gave me some really, good advice. I still remember it. I passed it on to my son. Back then, when I was 16, I worked in a bakery owned by German immigrants. The food was amazing. The baked goods were just amazing. The people that owned it were really the hardest working people I knew. They were first of all short, short of stature. And I don't remember how old they were when I was working there. They seemed really old to me and I think it's because they were a little bit like stooped over. They clearly did a lot of physical work in this bakery. The wife, Mrs. Lederer, would scrub the floors by hand - would kneel on the floors with a scrub brush and scrub the floors. That's the work ethic that they had. 

I really enjoyed my time working there.

And one of the pieces of advice that my father gave me was when I got my paycheck was to pay your bills, save some money, and always give yourself a little treat because you work hard, and you deserve it. So even at that time, I contributed to our family. I contributed to, for example, I went to a Catholic school so I bought my books with my paycheck. I contributed to some of my education.

Susan Andersen (04:57.984)

And that was my bills, so to speak, at the time. I also had a savings account, so I tried to save money. And then, you know, I did definitely give myself a treat, whether that was buying a new sweater or going to the movies with friends. I did have that, you know, pocket money, as they say, to give myself that little treat, that little gift, that reward.

Susan Andersen (05:26.494)

In grief, just like in a job, we work incredibly hard and it's challenging. It's challenging. Grief is hard work. There's nothing simple about it. And we're subjected to forces that we can't control. We could be in situations where we're hearing music and that brings us to tears. We could be in a situation where we see people we know, but they ignore us because they don't want to talk about what happened to us. So they just simply turn around and ignore us. I don't know if that's happened to you, but it's something that I know has happened to a lot of people. 

And so you're subjected to things that are out of your control. Certainly, other people, situations, and our emotions. One day we can feel, gosh, I feel good. The next day, that grief has just brought us to our knees. Can't get out of bed, can't move, we can't do anything. We're just, just brought down to our knees. 

We also subject ourselves to self-criticism, self-blame, shame. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy in our self-criticism.

Unfurling the layers of grief takes time. I've discussed this in other podcasts, in blog posts, talking about the hardest part of the grief journey and everyone's hardest part of course is different. And I would also say that every hardest part is different as you move along the journey. So, we have this hard work, this hard work of grief.

Why not reward yourself? Why not give something to yourself at different points during this grief journey. You know, part of that hardest work is allowing emotions to surface. Acknowledging these emotions, even when it brings us to our knees, even when it brings us to our knees, acknowledging that just feeling so empty, just feeling like you can't cry another tear. And then all of a sudden, in that quiet, after this grief storm, after we're brought to our knees, slowly, slowly, small glimmers of light appear.

Susan Andersen (08:49.772)

So I want you to think about this for a moment. What is the possibility during these small glimmers of light? What is the possibility that you reward yourself with something? Here's your opportunity to bring a little bit more light to you to care for yourself during this hard work, during this grief journey. 

What is it that you need? What is it that you need at this time? Do you need to say no? No, thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather stay in this evening.

Susan Andersen (09:43.074)

Maybe it's, yes, I'd love to go for coffee because you feel a little bit more open to having a conversation, to being out with somebody that's a close friend, somebody that understands. And you want to feel like yourself, like your quote unquote old self, right? Maybe you need more sleep. How can you get that? How do you give yourself the reward, the present, the gift of more sleep?

Can someone take care of your chores? Can someone take care of your children or someone else in your household that you're caring for? Can you get that extra hour, that nap? How can you make that happen? How can you reward yourself with that sleep, that bath?

Think about ways that you can give yourself a gift, that you can reward yourself. You have paid your dues, right? You have worked hard. You have worked hard as you move through this grief journey.

Susan Andersen (11:11.192) 

This is not selfish. This is not selfish. This is giving yourself the care that you need. The care that you need. There's nothing selfish about it.

Sometimes when we have that whirling going around in our minds, we're just beating ourselves up about what we did or didn't do or should've or shouldn't or why. Maybe you need the gift of silence. Maybe you need to take a breath, do a breath meditation, get out of your head and then sit by a sunny window sip a cup of tea or coffee or just water and just sit there. Give yourself the gift of silence. Of silence. 

So I encourage you to think about how to reward yourself. Especially during this holiday season when there's so much going on there may be pressures for you to do things with other people be in situations that you don't feel comfortable being in.

What do you need?

Susan Andersen (12:42.136)

Thank you for listening to this episode. Please share it with somebody who you think would benefit from the message or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

I'll see you in the next episode. For now, I wish you grace and peace.