Filling the Void: Navgating the Emptiness of Grief

Summary
In this episode of Growth from Grief, Susan Andersen discusses the profound emptiness that accompanies loss and offers insights on navigating this challenging journey. She emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to sit in the emptiness, engage in rituals, and find creative outlets as part of the healing process. Susan encourages listeners to embrace the normalcy of feeling empty after a loss and to seek support through community and shared experiences. She concludes with resources for further assistance in the grief journey.

Takeaways

• Grief is a journey that requires patience and understanding.
• The emptiness felt after a loss is a normal experience.
• Sitting in the silence and allowing feelings to emerge can be healing.
• Engaging in rituals can help keep the memory of loved ones alive.
• Creative outlets can transform grief into something meaningful.
• Sharing experiences in a group can provide comfort and support.
• Yoga and meditation can honor the void left by loss.
• It's important to allow healing to unfold naturally over time.
• The feeling of emptiness is not permanent and can evolve.
• You are not alone in your grief journey.

Thank you for listening! Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Susan Andersen (00:03.382)
Hello, I'm Sue Andersen, grief guide and yoga teacher dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenging journey of loss. Welcome to Growth from Grief, where I aim to offer strategies to transition from the depths of grief to the path of healing. Whatever loss you are grappling with, here you'll discover support to ease both the physical and emotional burdens of grief. Together, let's embark on a journey towards strength, peace, and healing. I'm so glad you are here.

Susan Andersen (00:53.55)
Hi there and welcome to this episode, episode 39 of the Growth from Grief podcast. If you are a returning listener, thank you for returning and for subscribing to the podcast on either Apple or Spotify, maybe leaving a review, which is always very helpful to others looking for information that will help them in their grief journey. I wanted to also welcome new listeners. Thank you for giving us a try here at Growth from Grief. And I hope you find some comfort, maybe some strategies to help you on your grief journey.

So today's episode, I'm calling Filling the Void. It's all about navigating the emptiness of grief. When I was graduated from college, I think it was the year after we graduated, but one of my roommates was diagnosed with cancer and...she survived, I think, three years after her initial diagnosis. But one of the things that was very important to her parents, especially her mom, during the last, I would say the last six months, but it could be the last year of her life, that her mom and her sister took such good care of her. They just spent all the time that they could taking care of Claudia. And when she was in the hospital, visiting her in the hospital.

Susan Andersen (03:00.129)
One of the things that her mom told me after she had died was how she didn't know what to do now. That there was such an emptiness in terms of not just in her heart, of course there was an emptiness in her heart missing her daughter and a deep grief in missing her daughter. But because she was the caregiver, she was finding it difficult to now fill this empty space. She didn't know how to do it. 

And around that same time, maybe, I guess it wasn't exactly the same time, probably six years later, my father died very suddenly and within three or four days of being in the hospital. And I also experienced that emptiness, that void, because I talked to my father on the phone a lot. We didn't live in the same area, but he was the type of person who did a lot of reading, watched the news, and liked to talk about different things. So you could spend a good amount of time on the phone with him just talking about things that were in the news or something that he read. And I just really enjoyed those conversations with him. We had a lot of closeness then. it was just great, a great feeling. 

And I too discovered that...What was I going to do some evenings, you know, not having that phone call? And of course, you know, this is at the time where there's no cell phones and, this is the home phone that we're talking about. And so, you know, it might have been after dinner that we would talk for, you know, 20 or 30 minutes. I don't think it was every night, but it was a few times a week. 

Susan Andersen (05:18.279)
And, you know, loss creates that unique emptiness, right? I think if you've experienced loss, you've felt that, whether it's the absence of conversations, just the physical presence, maybe it was just daily rituals. And as a caregiver, if you were a caregiver or if you are a caregiver, there's a lot of time that's now at your hands. And sometimes that's difficult for us to go through, to deal with. 

And I think about the absence of just life's milestones. You don't have that person anymore to share about the surprise birthday party that somebody gave you or the upcoming vacation that you're planning on taking or a decision that you want to make. And maybe you got that person's advice before you made a decision. Maybe you did a lot together.

I know Claudia, my roommate and I, we did a lot of craft fairs. Probably not a lot of craft fairs, but we did some craft fairs. She was very talented, cross-stitcher and knitter. And I was also a knitter. I still am a knitter, you know, knitting and we made ornaments, you know, out of cross stitch. So we had a lot of fun doing those kinds of things. And she was just a fun, fun person. You know, she always had a smile, always laughing. She was just that giving person. 

Susan Andersen (07:29.661)
And I really...miss that and actually, you know, still think about her a lot. I mean, this is over 30 years ago that she passed away and I have a lovely card from her that I read periodically. But I can just, you know, I picture her very vividly doing just the everyday stuff, right? But you know, I just remember with her mom that she just didn't know how to fill her time. 

Susan Andersen (08:14.145)
And that was really, I guess, making me feel kind of adrift. You know, trying to get back to that normality or the new normal now that we've lost this person or this routine or this home or whatever it is that we had something that was regular, we had this connection.  You know, we had these daily rituals, we had this physical presence, and now that is gone.

Susan Andersen (08:53.451)
That feeling, that emptiness, that void is very normal. It's very normal. And one of the difficult things to do is to sit in the emptiness. Think about it. You have all this time now that you didn't have before. You don't have that routine. You don't have that conversation.  You have a lot of time and now you try to fill it. Fill it with stuff. maybe I'll volunteer. Maybe I'll go, you know, and go shopping. You know, I'll do this, I'll do that. You're trying to do, do, do and fill in that time, fill in that emptiness.

Susan Andersen (09:58.889)
Instead of sitting in that space, just allowing it. It can be very healing. It can be very, very healing.

Susan Andersen (10:15.937)
Trying to be patient, you know, in this world, patience is not what you think of, right? You think of go, go, go. People are always trying to get somewhere, do something. We want to rush. Patience is a virtue, as they say. But just, just being. And maybe it's just surrendering to that time. Just allow yourself to just sit in the silence or maybe sit and cry.  be compassionate with yourself. What does that mean? What does that mean to you?

Susan Andersen (11:06.207)
When I found myself kind of at a loss because of my dad's death, I used to walk around this beautiful cemetery that was right down the street from where I worked. So at lunchtime I would go out and I just loved this space because first of all the trees were absolutely beautiful and just so many different kinds of trees. So there was nice shade, spots of sunshine, and I used to just walk. Sometimes I'd talk to my father and I found it very, very comforting.

You know, it was something that helped me heal really. It really did. It helped me connect with him but also find the space. Just allow the space. Maybe that's a better word. Allow the space and just be in nature.

Susan Andersen (12:22.613)
I just let it happen. And then, you know, I walked almost every day for a period of time. I don't know what that period of time was. And then I didn't do it anymore. I just kind of fell out of the practice. The office also moved to a different location and I didn't have that beautiful cemetery and the beautiful trees. I didn't have that space anymore. But I was okay because gradually, things just filled in, right? I was comfortable with the walking around in nature. I enjoyed it. I really did.

Susan Andersen (13:15.489)
So allowing that healing to unfold naturally can be a challenge, but it can also be an opportunity to connect with yourself, an opportunity. I just mentioned about walking, me walking in that beautiful cemetery and connecting with my dad and talking to him. That's a nice kind of ritual. 

You can keep connection alive with rituals. So what did your loved one, because the loved one that you lost, what did they like to do? And maybe you can do something similar or honor them in some way that keeps you connected. And maybe it's something like me walking that you could do for a period of time and naturally just let it unfold, and let it end when it ends, right? Because you're done, you're finished, maybe you feel whole. So that's an idea, right? 

You can also maybe spend some time with others. So sharing in a group is really beneficial because there are other people that are going through this same thing and conversations help us process loss. You know, listening to others, maybe sharing our own experience and processing these losses collectively. And if you have a good facilitator, that helps everyone, kind of provides a little bit of guidance, that makes it all the more special. some sort of memory ritual gathering with like-minded individuals and sharing in this community.

Susan Andersen (15:47.543)
Maybe doing something creative. So not forcing it. I've spoken with a couple of artists who lost loved ones. This is part of a group conversation. And both of them wanted to get back into their craft, but they couldn't do it just yet. So they were mindful that they wanted to get back into it. They knew it would be healing but they had to wait a little bit. And so finding a creative outlet, whether it's something that you did before or something that you want to do now, that helps us transform our grief, transform it into something meaningful. So finding a creative outlet is very helpful.

Susan Andersen (16:44.341)
Another way to begin to fill the emptiness, but also to allow that concept of sitting, allow the sitting, allow the silence, of course is yoga and meditation. And yoga and meditation helps honor this void and allows new feelings to emerge. So as we let go, we have the opportunity to bring something back in.

Susan Andersen (17:26.935)
And then finally, one more way to begin to move from this emptiness into something meaningful and new for you might be doing something, a service for others. So if the person that you lost enjoyed a particular kind of charity or different service work that they did, perhaps you're able to support that organization in some way, or there's an organization that you want to support and you're able to do that in honor of your loved one.

So it's a way to kind of bridge that emptiness.

Susan Andersen (18:32.781)
So as I conclude this episode, I'd like you to kind of remember that that emptiness is important. It's normal. It's an absolutely normal feeling, having that void, missing that person, not knowing what you're going to do to fill the time, absolutely normal. And instead of trying to immediately fill this void, this emptiness, this space, to allow a slow healing, to be patient, to give ourselves the time we need to get there. To get there.

Susan Andersen (19:28.905)
If you have experiences with this emptiness, I'd love to hear what's helped you.
Perhaps you're a person that likes to journal. And if you do, maybe journaling about what does the void feel like. What small actions are you able to take to ease this feeling of the void.

Susan Andersen (20:10.989)
So I'd love to hear your thoughts, your take on this.

You know, another thing to remember is that hope and healing, it doesn't eliminate grief. Grief does not go away. It can be transformed though into something that might be more bearable for you.

Susan Andersen (20:43.083)
And also remember that the emptiness after loss is natural, but it's not permanent. It doesn't stay with us as we allow, as we open to it and slowly start to incorporate other practices, then we move into that Hope. We move into that openness and allowing things to fill naturally without trying to sort of shove everything into that emptiness, but we allow ourselves to feel it.

Susan Andersen (21:35.846)
If you're looking for resources to help you as you navigate this grief path, please check out my website sueanderseyoga.com, where I have some downloadable material. I have a grief guide. I have videos on my YouTube channel, blog posts.
lot of material as well as upcoming classes. I teach both online and in person on Cape Cod or in South Coast Massachusetts and then virtually teaching Yoga for Grief as well as some other yoga classes.

Susan Andersen (22:31.151)
Just a final note, final message that you are not alone in this journey and you're not alone in this feeling of emptiness. I encourage you not to rush to fill the void, but to know that there is hope in learning to live alongside it. Thank you for listening. I'll see you in the next episode.