Spring: Renewal & Change in Grief

Summary

In this episode of Growth from Grief, host Sue Andersen discusses the emotional complexities of transitioning from winter to spring while grieving. She reflects on how the season of renewal can evoke mixed feelings for those who have experienced loss, particularly if it occurred in spring. Sue emphasizes the importance of honoring one's grief while also embracing moments of joy and renewal. She offers practical advice on setting boundaries with social expectations, connecting with nature, and creating personal rituals to navigate the grieving process. The episode concludes with a reminder to honor one's own healing journey and an affirmation to support personal growth.

takeaways

• Spring symbolizes renewal but can evoke mixed emotions for the grieving.
• Experiencing joy can lead to feelings of guilt during grief.
• It's important to set boundaries with social invitations during grief.
• Gardening and connecting with nature can be therapeutic for grief.
• Creating rituals can help honor the memory of loved ones.
• Finding balance between joy and grief is essential.
• Breath work can aid in embracing change during grief.
• It's okay to take time to heal and grow at your own pace.
• Social expectations can add pressure to move on from grief too quickly.
• Carrying love forward in a new way is part of the healing process.

Thank you for listening! Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Sue (00:04.268)

Hi and welcome to this episode of Growth from Grief. I'm your host Sue Andersen. Thank you for joining today. If you're new to this podcast, welcome. And I hope you find the resources here helpful to you as you move on your path through grief.

If you are a returning listener, thank you so much for coming back. In today's episode, I'd like to talk about this change of season from winter into spring. you know, spring, you know, we have this sort of theme of spring in terms of renewal and change and things growing, know, all the things happening in nature. And it can have an impact on our grief. 

Specifically, of course, if your loss occurred in the springtime, as mine did when my son died in the month of April. And so you have those feelings of anticipation. But I also think that there are these mixed emotions for those people who are grieving that this loss that we had, if it's a person, they are not going to experience anything new. They're not going to have this springtime refresh, renew, growth. That's not going to happen for them. And maybe also we feel that we don't want to experience this. 

Sue (02:15.506)

We don't want to go on this path of you know, renewal and change and growth because, you know, we're left on our own, so to speak. So again, depending on what your loss is, you know, this is we're moving in a different direction, a new direction. And so it might be difficult. I've found myself over the years that the springtime is difficult for me. I really do enjoy seeing all of the flowers blooming and I love to garden.

 So the tulips coming up, the daffodils, you know, here in the Northern hemisphere when we're seeing all of these tree buds and, you know, just all of this growth happening, birds singing, but it also makes me really sad. It really makes me sad because again, there's all kinds of things that are changing moving forward. There's all this growth in nature and yet sometimes I feel stuck. I don't want to move in this direction during the springtime.

Sue (03:41.538)

Days are growing longer, right? So days are growing longer. We've got more sunshine that might make us feel, you know, happy, of course, because it's been, you know, the winter, it's been dark, it's been kind of, you might've been more introverted, might've been more apt to stay in your house and not really want to do anything. But as the world is coming back to life.

You know, grief might make you feel like you're still stuck. And maybe you also have people in your life that have this expectation that you are going to kind of step forward, you know, and quote unquote, move on from your loss, no matter when this loss was right, they have this expectation that

Hey, it's springtime. Isn't it wonderful? The sun's out longer and let's go do something. Let's make a plan. So this external renewal and growth, and yet you're feeling very heavy still. You have that internal heaviness.

Spring also provides for us a sense of hope. But then, you know, this fear of moving on again, especially if people are saying, hey, it's been three months, hey, it's been six months. Hey, are you still worried about that? Hey, why are you concerned about, you know, about this thing going forward?

Sue (05:41.556)

So you have those external forces of people in your life that have these expectations of moving on and maybe you're not ready to take another step forward. Maybe you're maybe you're taking a couple steps back. So we have this you know contrast this play going on between this external forces and maybe the heaviness that we're feeling internally. 

Another thing that shows up, and I definitely feel this at times, and certainly early on in my grief, absolutely felt this, was you might feel a moment of happiness. You hear a bird sing, the sun's out. You just put your face up to the sun and you're like, doesn't that feel great then all of a sudden you feel guilty for feeling happy.

And that's expected. We have this back and forth between trying to find a little bit of happiness and joy amidst all of the grief and then feeling guilty about it. So don't be surprised if that happens to you. It's OK. Just let it settle.

So if you start to feel a little bit of joy or a little happiness and then all of sudden your thoughts turn to guilty thoughts because why am I feeling like this? You know, my partner is not here or you know, how can I feel good when I've lost my friend or my pet is not here? You know, whatever your loss happens to be.

Sue (07:41.442)

You know you feel guilty. And I guess one thing to think about when these emotions come up, this guilt versus happiness, maybe just sit with it for a minute. Maybe just let it be and actually sit, you know, just take your time, absorb it and then notice how you feel. Bring some breath movement into that. 

You know, the other thing that might happen during this time is you might begin to feel overwhelmed because of social events, expectations. A lot of things happen in the spring. College graduations, weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, you know, spring dances for students. So you might feel overwhelmed by these invitations. You know, maybe people are not thinking that, you know, about you and saying, yes, come to this graduation party, you'll feel great. 

And yet, no, you're not going to feel great because your person that you lost isn't going to be there, or they can't celebrate that graduation, or baby shower, or whatever that social obligation is. So you need to take a step back. You need to allow yourself to say no to these social events that you really might not want to attend. Depending who is inviting you to these events. You know, you may just, if it's a close friend, just say, hey, I just don't feel right coming to this. Happy to send a gift, but I just can't be there. I just, I can't be there at this time. And hopefully they understand. 

Sue (10:05.442)

Now, if it's a work event or some other kind of an obligation that you feel like you can't get out of it, there are some tools that you can use. And I actually have a class coming up. So if you're listening to this in real time, I have a Yoga for Grief class coming up in April that I will link to in the show notes that where I will provide you some tools that you can use. 

So when you have this hard day, or anticipation of a hard day, there's some tools that you can use to help you kind of get through it and at least get you through the moment until you can get to a safe place that allows you to cry or express your emotions or just leave so you can hang on there if you feel like you need to be at this event.

I would like to now talk a little bit more about some ways that you can embrace renewal while honoring your grief.

Sue (11:20.724)

One way is to connect with nature.  You know, I mentioned earlier how much I love gardening. I can't tell you how therapeutic gardening is for me. And it has been for a long time, even before the loss of my son. Whenever I was having a tough day at work, for example, when I got home, I'd just go right out to the garden and weed or plant or dig or something. You know, just it was so therapeutic. And perhaps you can try something like that. Walking, certainly, enjoying the sunshine, just feeling the warmth of the sun.

Sue (12:05.344)

And maybe also just observing nature, nature's cycles, thinking about the cycles of nature as part of a healing, right? So there's growth and change, and then there is loss during the Fall, dormancy in the Winter. And kind of think about that as metaphor really for healing that there are different seasons for healing as well as in nature.

Another idea to embrace renewal while honoring your grief is to create a ritual. Maybe planting something. So if you are a gardener, maybe you plant something in memory.

Sue (13:05.996)

Maybe you write a letter. You don't actually send this letter, but you release it. You can bury it. There are seed papers that you can buy that allow you to write, and they're biodegradable. So you can tear them up, water them, put them in the earth. It's such a nice ritual for letting go, for planting this memory or releasing something in a letter that you can just allow to be renewed by the earth. It does help release a burden from your heart.

Sue (13:57.238)

Another thing that's really important is finding this balance between joy and grief. So give yourself permission to experience moments of lightness. It's okay. It's okay to feel a little happiness, a little joy, that little ray of sunshine. It's okay. And give yourself permission to feel it.

Sue (14:30.208)

Another way to find balance is to set boundaries. So boundaries are really important, especially when we're talking about social invitations. There are these social invitations that we get in the spring as well as in the winter. The holidays, there's a lot of things going on. 

But in the spring, just as many, I think. And you can say yes or say no as I mentioned earlier. Give yourself the permission to do it and set boundaries so people understand what you're willing to participate in. You could always agree to do something with the caveat that hey if this doesn't feel good to me I'm leaving and make sure that the host understands that.

So those are three ways to embrace renewal while honoring your grief, connecting with nature, creating some rituals, and giving yourself permission to experience moments of lightness, finding that balance between joy and grief.

Sue (15:50.616)

Here's a breath work practice that you might want to try to help you embrace change. And I really love this. I love a lot of the mindfulness practices of Thich Nhat Hanh. So you could think about yourself as a seed, for example. So maybe sitting in a comfortable position, focusing on your breath, your inhale and your exhale.

Sue (16:32.59)

And just imagine yourself as a seed.

a seed that is being nurtured.

and a seed that is growing at its own pace with support from the earth. Maybe you imagine this seed gently sprouting from the earth, the tiny green leaves.

Sue (17:15.778)

this seed that takes time to grow.

getting the nutrients that it needs from the soil, the soil of your heart.

soil of the earth.

Sue (17:39.63)

Stay with this image for a few more breaths.

Notice how it makes you feel this visualization of the seed.

Maybe you stay with it a little longer and notice the stem; a couple more leaves.

and maybe a tiny bud.

Sue (18:14.252)

Notice how that makes you feel being nurtured by the sun, by the water, the rain, the earth.

Take a nice big inhale, exhale.

Sue (18:51.95)

Move around a little bit.

Sue (18:57.548)

As we close out this podcast episode, just a reminder that the season of renewal, the season of spring, it doesn't mean that you're forgetting. Just means that we're carrying love forward in a new way.

I encourage you to honor where you are in your grief journey. Take your time.

Sue (19:37.09)

And let's end with this affirmation. 

I allow myself to grow and heal in my own time.

I allow myself to grow and heal in my own time.

I allow myself to grow and heal in my own time.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Growth from Grief. I'll see you next time.