Goodbye, My Sweet Girl: Grieving the Loss of a Beloved Pet

Summary

In this heartfelt episode of Growth from Grief, Susan Andersen shares her personal journey of grieving the loss of her beloved dog, Queenie. She explores the universal experience of pet loss, the deep emotional bonds we form with our animal companions, and the importance of allowing ourselves to grieve. Through her story, Susan emphasizes the significance of unconditional love, the challenges of making end-of-life decisions for pets, and the various ways to navigate the grieving process, including rituals and breathwork. Ultimately, she reminds listeners that grief is a natural expression of love and encourages them to honor their feelings.

Takeaways

• Grief is a natural response to loss, regardless of what is lost.
• The bond with pets can be as profound as with humans.
• Grieving a pet can be intense due to their unconditional love.
• It's important to take time to grieve and process loss.
• Society often downplays the significance of grief.
• You don't need permission to grieve your pet.
• Rituals can help in the grieving process.
• Breathwork can aid in managing grief and emotions.

Thank you for listening! Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Susan Andersen (00:01.518)

Hello, welcome to this episode of Growth from Grief. I'm Sue Andersen. And if you are a returning listener, welcome back. And if you're new, I welcome you to this healing space where we talk about loss, we talk about grief.

My guests and I talk about their stories, they share what's helped them. And we can find community here and acknowledge that we are not alone in our grief. It's natural. Loss is natural. And processing that grief just helps us to find that joy and that hope as we continue down this path. So welcome. 

Today's episode is really close to my heart. I'm going to be sharing about the recent loss of our beloved dog Queenie and what it means to grieve the deep bond that we share with our animal companions. 

Pet loss is universal. If you've had a pet, I don't think it actually matters how long you've had that pet. But if you have a strong bond, that loss is really tough. It hurts. if you are a person that doesn't have a pet, or never had a pet, you know, maybe that seems a little odd to you that people would be so upset about losing their dog. But let's come back to loss is loss, right? So it doesn't matter. It's a person, a pet, a place, a job, a relationship, it's still loss. It's natural. And we grieve that loss.

Susan Andersen (02:11.462)

And with a pet, it can be really intense, I think, and we'll talk a little bit more about that, why it might feel so intense. But I want to dedicate this episode to Queenie and in her memory, which you can tell by my voice, she's still really, really close to my heart and I guess part of the reason that I'm feeling is still this grief surface, that's on the surface, right, it's just bubbling up is because I don't think I really took a lot of time to grieve her when we lost her on March 17th.

There was a lot of other things happening in our lives. We were doing work on our house, so we were in a rental. We had some sickness, and it just seemed like a whirlwind. And recently, after talking with my therapist, she was like, you know, I don't think you've really grieved the loss of your dog. You haven't taken that time. And she's definitely right. I haven't.

And so I want to talk a little bit about her first. So Queenie is the fourth dog that we've had in our lives and we adopted her in April of 2020, beginning of COVID, right? And she was

I guess nine at the time when we adopted her and kind of a funny story about this is my husband was the person who was, you know, scouring all of the like Pet Finder and those sites to try to find a dog to adopt and he came across this posting for a private adoption for a Beagle.

Susan Andersen (04:33.005)

And we saw her picture and he was like, my gosh, you know, this is our this is her. This is the dog we should have. So we made arrangements for the owner to come with the dog and stop by so we could meet the owner and the dog. And it was so funny when we met because it turns out that the owner and Queenie lived a street away from us but they had moved. 

So they moved probably, I guess, a couple of years, two or three years before we adopted her. And so when she came to our house and we met in the front lawn, because again, COVID, we both were like, wait a minute, we know each other. We used to walk our dogs. We'd pass by each other. So that sort of cemented the deal for us because we remembered her and we knew the owner. I mean, just to say hi, just like a neighbor to say hi, recognize. So that was kind of funny. 

So we adopted her and took a little bit of time to get settled in, get her settled in. But I mean, right away she was spoiled, right? So we just bought her a new bed and she had reign over the furniture. We let her sleep on the couch. She could sleep on the bed, all that kind of stuff. But she loved to walk and so,

Susan Andersen (06:21.393)

because we were in COVID, you know, and lockdown, I just relish the fact that she loved to walk and I could take her on long walks, short walks, whatever. And that was great. She was as, a hound, right, I mean in the hound family as a beagle I mean you didn't actually really walk very far and you know you walked she had to sniff everything So it took a long time to go around the block that was fine and And we enjoyed that as did Bill, my husband.  You know we really enjoyed taking her out and you know we would take her out four or five times a day And she loved it. 

She loved being outside we could not however let her roam around because she did not, you know, she wanted to explore, she wanted to follow rabbits. So if she was in the backyard, you know, we had a long rope that we attached to her  harness so she could kind of run around in the backyard. But we didn't have a fence at the house so she wasn't able to be fenced in. So that was just great, you know, during lockdown and having that comfort. 

And, soon, like with any pet, you get into a routine, right? So you get into a routine of you're getting up at whatever time to feed your pet to take them for a walk if they need to go for a walk. Whatever the care is, you know you have that routine that you go through. But they're also there for emotional support, right? You're having a crappy day. That dog that cat, you know, whatever your pet is, you know, they can provide that comfort whether you're, you know, brushing them, petting them, they're curling up on your lap, you know, whatever comforting action you do for that pet and that pet does for you.

Susan Andersen (08:18.453)

You know, that's just wonderful. If you're having like I said, if you just need some emotional support, you're having a tough day. And they're also there as a silent companion, right? So, you're watching TV and you just want that little cuddle and if you have a cat or a dog they're great for cuddling. But I think even if you have a bird, I remember we had a bird when I was growing up, it was just kind of nice to have the bird in the room and making a little bit of noise and you still had that routine, right? So if you ever had a bird or if you have a bird now, you put the cover on at night, you kind of said good night, whatever, and you had that routine. So that was that was helpful, I think, you know, that companionship. 

Oh, gosh, when she got sick. This is the odd thing, right? I mean, this dog was healthy. Again, just loved walking. So she would walk all over the place, you know, 14 years old. But we had a little bit of a scare where she had something caught in her jaw. We thought she ate a bone. My husband had taken her for a walk. He didn't know what she had grabbed. And so her jaw was kind of open. And this was, of course, at night. So I took her to... the emergency that was open and they took it out of her mouth and they said, this is a black walnut pod.

Susan Andersen (10:12.107)

And of course, I didn't know this, but they said, this can be toxic to the dog. And because part of it was chewed up, we didn't know if she had chewed it or not. So then they sent me to the dog, a pet emergency hospital, which was a 24 hour place. So we went there and, you know, all her vital signs looked fine. We couldn't tell if she had chewed anything. But basically the vet said, look, you know, I, we think she's fine. 

At this time, they didn't do any blood work and I was fine with that because she appeared to be perfectly fine, you know, three, four or five hours after she had this thing in her mouth. So they said, you know, if she starts to get lethargic, you know, and these other symptoms, you know, doesn't want to eat, doesn't go to the bathroom, whatever, then, you know, bring her back in.

So that was on a Thursday night and we got back about 1 a.m. and you know then Friday she seemed fine, took her out. By Saturday she was really lethargic. It sort of happened Friday night too,  so I was like wow something's not right because this is not this dog, right? 

I bring her back to the emergency, the 24 hour place and they do a blood test and they come back to tell me that she had this blood cancer that was fatal. I mean, it had nothing to do with eating this black walnut pod. And, you know, basically there was nothing to do.

Susan Andersen (12:12.957)

Absolutely nothing to do that, you know, this was something that, you know, would take over. And, you know, maybe she would last a week or a month. But you know, that this was -  she's coming to the end of her life. So talk about shock. I mean, my gosh.

It was awful. It was terrible for my husband and I. We just were in complete shock. So, you know, by Monday, it became very clear that she was suffering. I mean, Sunday night, she was trying to get comfortable. She couldn't get comfortable. She didn't want to drink anything. She didn't want to eat anything.

So we had to bring her back in and say goodbye. And it was, as I said, it was just a whirlwind, right? It was literally Thursday to a Monday. And really, for the blood test, it was just Saturday to Monday. 

It was difficult to process really. And as I mentioned earlier, we also had this issue of health issues. We both were ended up getting sick. So taking care of me taking care of Bill, just taking care of each other. And then with all the stuff going on in the house, it was just difficult, so difficult.

And you know now that we're back in the house, our house, not in the rental, and the weather is nice and this is the time that she'd love to be walking, you know, in the nice weather and exploring all the stuff. my gosh, every time I go for a walk, that's all I think about. 

So, you know, why does this hit so hard?

Susan Andersen (14:21.449)

Why do we think this hits so hard? Well, unconditional love, right? And loyalty. Pets are loyal. They give you unconditional love. There's no arguing. There's no fighting. There's no wondering. It's just they're there and you just miss their presence. They're there in our most vulnerable moments, quiet times of our life. They love us and we love them. That's it, right? That's it. 

The closeness that you get, the joy that you get certainly outweighs some of the aggravation, because let's face it, caring for a pet, sometimes you don't feel like getting up at 6 a.m. or 5 a.m. or whatever time it is to take the dog for a walk or feed the cat, feed the bird, whatever. But, you know, they're there and they're supporting us.

Susan Andersen (15:49.904)

I think having that, you know, that daily presence, that somebody there when there's something going on in your life, it's great to come home. And there's your pet, right? It's great to come home and be greeted. Or I think sometimes you just know they're there, right? Even if they're not in the room waiting for you. It's nice to have that other presence.

But you know, grief, grief is difficult. Society sometimes dismisses or just downplays that grief. I mean, let's face it, sometimes they just downplay grief of any kind or loss. You know, we certainly have heard if, know, oh, it's been X amount of time, you should be over that by now. You know, people that dismiss and don't understand the importance of the grieving process.

And I think that, you know, you don't need to wait for any permission, you know, social permission. Nobody needs to tell you, it's okay to grieve your pet. You just grieve your pet. 

What was nice for us is that we got some cards, some sympathy cards from friends that also had this experience and knew how it felt. Or we got the phone calls or the plant, you know. So that was just wonderful, it was great. But I think, again, you know, don't need anyone's permission to grieve and you should grieve. You should allow yourself to feel that pain and cry.

Susan Andersen (17:55.396)

And then letting that out, letting that emotion out opens, opens you up for that joy, remembering that joy, right? I think also there's something unique about having to make this end of life decision. Who wants to do that? No one, no one wants to do that, you know? I mean, wow, that's hard. That's really, really hard. you have to, in the case of a pet, you have to just think of that pet, right? I mean, I didn't want this dog to suffer. I didn't want Queenie to suffer. I saw her suffering. She had no quality of life. It was time. It was time to let her go. You know, sometimes we have to do it and it's so difficult. The Vet, they were so wonderful.

Susan Andersen (19:15.143)

You know, they were they were just so wonderful. Allowing me to stay with her while the drug was given and just be with her. And that was just lovely. It was just what I needed.  So I talked about permission to feel the pain, right? Just give yourself that permission. Grief is grief. You got to let it out. You got to express it. Whatever pet you have, whatever the species, it doesn't matter. And sometimes, you know, rituals really help with this. You know, I know people who have had, you know, a little funeral for their pet. I'm sure I did because I had gerbils, I had a hamster, I had a bird growing up, and I'm sure that I had a little ritual of burying that pet. I don't actually remember it, but I'm sure I did.

Susan Andersen (20:43.448)

You know, other people have a little photo corner or an altar. I like to talk to Queenie when I walk - just remembering, you know, remembering her. I think that's another thing. I know that there are artists who can, you know, paint a portrait of your pet. And actually, I was thinking about that for our four dogs that we've had. 

So, growing up, I never had a dog, but...When I was first married, my first husband, we had a little dog that was unfortunately had a lot of health issues. You know, that was the first dog that I had. And I thought, wouldn't it be nice to have like a little, you know, small like, you know, four by four or something like that size, little either photos or drawings or paintings of the four pets that we had the four dogs. 

I might kind of like that and have a little pet corner, you know, with the with the four dogs. Anyway, that's just something I'm thinking of. But it's nice to do something like that, you know, to think about that.

Susan Andersen (22:44.281)

My dog Queenie would periodically come in when I was teaching yoga online, you know, and lay on the mat. 

So sometimes I think about her when I'm teaching, but also, you know, use this breath work that I've talked about before, this three part breath, the box breath, there's a lot of different breathing techniques that you can use, you can utilize to help you as you feel these sensations, you feel the heaviness, you start to get anxious or feel stress, you know, all of this breath will help. And I'll talk a little bit more about that breath, doing a little bit of reflection shortly. But I think breath work is really helpful.

I know other people have done things like energy work like Reiki to help them with their grief. So that's another thing to look into. Certainly movement as we talked about, know, walking, maybe writing a letter to your pet, you know, writing in a journal. That's also another idea.

Susan Andersen (24:00.867)

So let's just take a moment and just reflect. So if you are listening and you've lost a pet, or if you're listening and you've experienced any loss, not a pet recently, and you just wanna take a moment here.

Susan Andersen (24:29.285)

And I'm going to invite you to find a comfortable seat. Now, if you're listening in your car, you can still do this, just don't close your eyes. But just feel the ground beneath your feet or seated in a cushion, or maybe you're walking as you're listening to this, and you can feel the feet on the ground or the forest floor, the sand, the lawn, wherever you are. So you have that nice grounded feeling.

And close your eyes if you're able to. But even if you are not able to close your eyes, you can still bring to mind a memory with your pet that makes you smile. And as you bring this memory, maybe take just a nice, deep inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth, maybe another inhale, exhale.

If you like, you can go into a deeper breath by inhaling into the belly into the to the chest, the rib cage, and then the upper chest. So your front whole front body is filled with breath and then slowly exhale starting with the upper chest, feel the rib cage as it contracts the belly as it enables those back to the spine. So that's a three part breath, inhaling into the belly, into the rib cage, into the top of the chest, almost to the throat. And then letting it out, slowly, slowly, belly button to the spine.

Susan Andersen (26:43.234)

Back to your natural breath. Make a little movement if you can.

I'd love to hear your stories. So you can send those to me on my email. Sue Anderson, yoga at gmail.com. You can also write a little note here in the podcast, leave a little review. Get in touch with me on social media. I just love to hear your stories.

So in closing, I'd really like to thank you for holding space with me today.

Susan Andersen (27:45.816)

Let's acknowledge that grief is a form of love with nowhere to go. We need to take the time to let it out to express it to feel it to honor it.

And I'd like to invite you again to visit my website or have a number of resources, SueAndersonYoga.com Listen to other podcast episodes, write a review on Apple or Spotify.

I also have a free grief resource that you can download. And I'll leave you with this quote from Queen Elizabeth II - Grief is the price we pay for love. 

Thank you for listening. I'll see you in the next episode.