May Brings Tender Shoots...And Hope

Summary
In this episode of Growth from Grief, Susan Andersen discusses the complexities of grief during the month of May, particularly around Mother's Day. She draws parallels between gardening and self-care, emphasizing the importance of nurturing oneself and finding support during vulnerable times. Susan shares grounding practices and encourages listeners to cultivate hope and resilience, reminding them that they are not alone in their grief.

Takeaways

• May can be a difficult month for those grieving.
• Gardening teaches us about nurturing and support.
• We need a strong foundation to grow, just like plants.
• Crying helps release emotions and nurture us.
• Grounding practices can help during tender times.
• Movement and breathwork are essential for emotional health.
• Rest is important, especially when grieving.
• Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing grief.
• Rituals can help release feelings of sadness and guilt.
• Hope grows slowly and needs nurturing.

Thank you for listening! Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Susan Andersen (00:02.126)
Hi everyone and welcome to this episode of Growth from Grief. I'm Sue Andersen and welcome. Welcome to this episode during the month of May, the first episode for the month of May. you know, May is an interesting month for me because I see both the beauty of the month, you know, the growth, renewal in nature, but also, you know, it's a time of vulnerability if you're grieving and particularly for those who are mourning a mother, a child, a maternal connection.

So it can be a little bit difficult for those who are grieving this month. And when I think about this theme, there's this balance of tenderness and hope. So I want to begin by talking a little bit about some lessons from the garden, if you will. I am one of these gardeners - So first of all, I live in the state of Massachusetts in the Northeast quarter of the United States. So Northern hemisphere we're in spring. 

And... I tend to be one of those people that gets really excited when they go to a nursery and starts buying plants that maybe shouldn't be planted the first week of May or the end of April. For example, you know, plants like tomatoes, right? They are tender during this time. And, you know, in Massachusetts, we have or can have cooler nights, you sometimes really dipping down low and for tender plants, that's not, that's not good. 

Susan Andersen (02:07.502)
So generally you're supposed to wait until it's warmer before you start planting your tomatoes and some other vegetable, squashes, for example. But I, I tend to just, you know, jump right in. So I buy my peas, my lettuce, which are cold, cold weather plants, but also those tomatoes. 

You know, one of the things that I just love about gardening is seeing the little shoots, right, come out when you plant seeds. It's just, it's really so thrilling, I think, to just see the, you know, hey, I planted these seeds, I watered them, I gave them a good foundation, and now here they are.

You know, they're starting to crop up and you know, the the pea shoots. So I planted pea seeds. Got some seeds and I also have some plants because I really love peas. And I before I planted anything, I made sure that I refreshed that garden soil. So I wanted to have that organic soil in there. 

So, these plants that I was going to be planting and tending would have the right foundation. And so the pea plants, you know, shooting out from the dirt and growing strong because they have that right foundation. 

That got me thinking about, you know, just how we care for ourselves in times of tenderness like this month. You know, as humans, we also need to be nurtured. We need to have the right foundation to grow strong, we need support, we need support. So just like plants, you know, we can feel exposed, we can feel uncertain, we can be delicate, especially in times of grief. 

Susan Andersen (04:32.234)
So, you know, the idea of having good soil for the plant, you know, we also need that foundation of support. having a community of people that you can rely on, whether it's your family, whether it's a group, you know, a church group, a grief group, but people that can help support you that they're there that you can talk to. 

So you have that nurturing just like the tender plants have that nurturing that they need. We also want to cultivate hope. And so we need to allow ourselves to just feel what's going on. So crying helps also to nurture us believe it or not because that crying, those tears they get emotion out of our body and that's what we want to do.  We want to release anything that just feels tight in the body, any energy that we can let go of and sadness we can let go of with tears.

And so tears help nurture us and that letting go, that brings in the possibility of hope. Once we kind of clear out, we can plant that little seed of hope. We can think about the tomorrow.

And it's difficult when the present is really hard, right? When there's this unique emotional weight that's upon us during this month of May.

Susan Andersen (06:39.758)
For those who have lost mothers, for those who have lost children, someone who was like a mother, also for those that want motherhood, They're looking for, or looking for a mothering relationship. This is a difficult time because...

We're bombarded with advertisements. You can't go into a store and not see something. Emails about the best gifts. It's just a weight upon us. Sometimes you can't get away from it, really. 

I have noticed, though, that there are some businesses that actually send, it from an email perspective, they send an email to say, hey, if you don't want to get anything about Mother's Day messages, click here and you won't get those emails. So there are some breakthroughs, if you will, some ways that companies are becoming more sensitive to this, but it is challenging. 

I remember the first Mother's Day without Ian. And I went in to get my own mother a card for Mother's Day, went into the store. And here I was faced with a card that said, you know, "to my mom from your son". I realized I'm never going to get another card like that. So that's challenging. It really is challenging for Mother's Day. 

Also, I think this month is tender because of the transition into spring. So, you know, spring is about growth and maybe you've had a setback. Maybe you have lost a job, maybe your health, you have health issues and you've suffered a setback. You know, it's difficult to think about growth and spring and moving forward when, when you're in the midst of something going on that's been a setback for you.

Susan Andersen (08:56.396)
So that can also be a challenge. That's a grief also. That's a loss and you're experiencing grief or you will experience grief with that. And certainly any anniversaries or other kinds of reminders of loss, just add that emotional weight to this month, I feel. 

So I encourage you that you think about ways to support yourself during these tender times. How can you root yourself? How can you support yourself? Well, one way is with grounding practices. And this could be something delightful, like just taking your shoes off and walking in the grass or walking in the water, walking in the sand. But if that's not possible, then go for a walk on the earth if you can, into a forest, into a wood, a grassy part of a park. Connect with the earth. Feel that nurturing energy that you get from being out in nature.

Breathwork is also incredibly important and there are many different types of breathwork that can help to soothe, to release anxiety, to be calming. You can find a lot of these practices either on my YouTube channel, Sue Andersen Yoga, or on my website, sueandersenyoga.com.

Susan Andersen (10:56.822)
Movement, walking outside, taking an exercise class, doing some yoga, movement also can be grounding. And let's not forget rest. Rest is so important, especially when you're grieving, when you're just, I don't know, you're not into it, right? You're feeling sad for whatever reason.

Give yourself permission to rest. Take a bath even. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. I can't possibly take a nap. I have to do all these other things. Well, you don't really. You don't. You are important. You are important.

Other things that I like to do to help me during this time of year is journaling, maybe writing a letter to my son. You know, I've done that. I like rituals that involve writing and then destroying that writing, putting it in some kind of a metal container and lighting it on fire and let that smoke you know go up to heaven. Those words get transferred from paper into smoke and go up to my son. Or water -  you know tear up a paper really small put it in water let it get really soaked and then pour it on your plants ,pour it on your garden

Susan Andersen (12:47.97)
The other thing that I periodically do is I write something on a rock and then I throw that rock into the ocean or the lake or whatever and allow myself to release that. Release that. Whatever I'm feeling. Sadness, guilt about something. Because each time we do these things, we open up ourselves to a little bit of hope. We get a little bit of happiness. We can open up to that. 

Sometimes we just need to find quiet companionship. Maybe there's a close friend that just sits with you. Go for a walk and then you just have a rest on a bench in the sun. Or maybe you want to be in a community of people, church group, a grief group, a group of friends.

Susan Andersen (13:56.878)
So I encourage you to just find what will help you feel a little bit more grounded, little more balanced, allowing you to soften, to let go, to cry, to rest. Because you will notice the very small signs of hope and resilience in your own life. Small steps lead to bigger ones and pretty soon without you even knowing it, you've got a smile on your face.

Susan Andersen (14:42.946)
You know, I like this metaphor that "hope doesn't rush, it grows".

It applies to gardens and applies to people. We can nurture hope as a tiny seed. Think about sitting in meditation and cultivating in your mind's eye, just imagining a little seed that you can draw from your belly all the way up through the central channel of your torso into your heart. 

And this little seed, this little seed of hope gets nurtured. And over time it grows, doesn't rush, but you've noticed it, you're cultivating it, you're allowing it.

Susan Andersen (15:48.822)
I want you to know that you're not alone. If you feel this tenderness, please reach out to me and share what you're feeling. can email me, go through my website. You can leave a note or a review, a comment, a question on the podcast.

But know that you're not alone.

I invite you to nurture your heart, nurture your heart, especially this week if you are
finding the upcoming Mother's Day difficult. Nurture your heart with patience and with kindness give yourself grace

Susan Andersen (16:54.166)
If you're looking for resources on grief and ways to release grief, you can check out classes that I have as well as information in blog posts or other podcasts around techniques, classes, programs, rituals, all kinds of information. I also have a guide that you can download from the website.

Susan Andersen (17:31.916)
You can find those on sueandersenyoga.com.

I wish you grace and peace this week. Take care of yourself. And I'll see you in the next episode.