Honoring Loss & Raising Awareness: Jill’s Journey of Healing

Summary

In recognition of International Overdose Awareness Day, this episode of Growth from Grief shares the deeply moving story ofJill Maiorana.  She shares her profound journey through loss, including the deaths of her children's father and her son, Joey from substance abuse disorder. She discusses the isolating experience of grief, the importance of community support, and the healing modalities that helped her cope. Jill also reflects on her decision to become a grief coach, emphasizing that grief is not something we move past but rather something we carry and grow around. The conversation highlights the need for awareness and compassion towards those affected by addiction and the stigma surrounding it.

Thank you for listening!   Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Sue Andersen (03:26)

Hi everyone, welcome to this episode of Growth from Grief. I'm very honored to have my friend Jill Maiorana here. As I mentioned in the intro, Jill and I met ⁓ five years ago now ⁓ when her ⁓ children's father, excuse me, children's father passed away.

And we were kind of introduced at that point when I was starting my online Yoga for Grief program during the pandemic. So Jill, welcome so much for being here. I'm really glad to see you and to have you here on the podcast.

Jill Maiorana (04:14)

Thank you, Sue. I am as honored to be here. Thank you for having me.

Sue Andersen (04:19)

You're welcome. ⁓ So I was wondering, Jill, you would ⁓ be open to talking a little bit more about your story, because that's a lot of loss in such a short period of time. And maybe just talking a little bit about that.

Jill Maiorana (04:39)

Sure. Yeah, my world did crumble down quickly. ⁓ So in October of 2020, my boys lost their dad, ⁓ Billy, who, you know, we were a close family, even though Billy and I weren't together. He was my friend and we co-parented well together and...You know, it was a, it was a big loss. it was a lot about the kids for, for me to have to grow up without their dad. ⁓ very isolating for me to really be the single mom at that point. ⁓ but you know, it was a huge loss and I know it affected the boys.  

A year later in November, November 4th, I really thought my world was crumbling for good is when I lost my son, Joey. ⁓ I lost both Billy and Joey to substance abuse disorder. ⁓ And Joey was in a recovery in Florida doing very well. He spiraled a little bit after his father died, he did suffer from depression, anxiety, and he loved being in Florida, he loved his sober life, he did, you know, start getting involved in Xanax initially at a young age to calm his anxiety. So that spiraled into other things.   

And then during that time, I was caring for my mom who had cancer. And so I was driving back and forth to Buffalo and helping out there. And my mom died in December of 2022. And that would have been a year after Joey died. So it was a lot. was, yeah, it was a lot.

Sue Andersen (06:57)

Yeah, yeah. I it's almost like you couldn't catch your breath. You know, from one to the other, because you were always dealing with something. You know the illness your mom's illness your son's illness, you know, and then there then subsequently their deaths and and Took you know, I'm sure took the breath completely away from you

Jill Maiorana (07:28)

It did. I think it took away processing Billy's death because of course, you know, being my son, it's all I could think about. And I still feel to this day, it delayed my processing. My mother's death delayed my processing Billy's death. And I'm starting to, be able to look at that piece of it. It's kind of like a whole. There's pieces of a whole picture, and it all equals loss. But I am a glass half full kind of person, so I look for the best outcome that I can in a really sad and painful situation. I always say I try to shine my light the best that I can through the broken pieces of my heart.

Sue Andersen (08:35)

I love that. Wow. That's such a great way of thinking. Yeah.

Jill Maiorana (08:40)

And if I visualize that, that will put me on the right path for the day.

Sue Andersen (08:48)

Wow, I really like that.

Jill Maiorana (08:50)

Yeah. And I, you know, there's days I, I forget that. I have to remind myself I'm human like everybody else. And I know everybody out there is feeling some sort of pain or loss. It's, it's and you know, that's human nature. ⁓ so that's why I like to be a light the best that I can. And it helps me to help other people.

Sue Andersen (09:20)

Yeah, sure, sure. I wanted to ⁓ just ask a little bit about community, right? ⁓ You know, support that you ⁓ felt you had or maybe didn't have. And obviously, there's the very close-knit community, right? The close friends, the close family that can help during this time. And then there's the kind of greater community. ⁓What did you experience in terms of support? ⁓ You know, after maybe specifically after Joey's death.

Jill Maiorana (09:57)

⁓ So I was, ⁓ I immediately tried to get involved with grief groups. I just needed to be around people that knew what I was feeling. ⁓ Not that I didn't want to be around the other support, and you know, my friends and family were great. They did the best that they could from what they knew. ⁓ But I did join ⁓a grief group through the Herren project before Joey's death, after Billy's death. And I found wonderful support with them because they were on the journey with me, with Joey being in recovery. And they were all rooting for him all the time. they, that group was just wonderful. They, you know, they were there for me and they waited for me to come back. And when I did, you know, I just felt so much love and support. 

I was also involved with Parents Supporting Parents, which is a group on the Cape (Cod)for ⁓ families that have a child in active addiction or active recovery. ⁓ And huge support. We they've made posters, what they call ⁓ posters of all of our angels. There are about 35 angels on the Cape from that group alone. And they go wherever Parents Supporting Parents goes, the posters go with them. Any event that they're doing, the posters are there.

Sue Andersen (11:46)

Can you talk about the Herren, was it Herren project?

Jill Maiorana (11:49)

Herren project is, ⁓ was started by Chris Herren, who was an NBA, ⁓ basketball star. And he actually, my kids, remember my kids telling me, about his lecture, he would go to the schools, and he was a, he is a recovering addict and he is very, ⁓ much into speaking with the younger population, which is important and going to the schools talking about what addiction is and how it could affect you and your family. And he speaks at the Roar Ride every year, which is at the Falmouth high school. And that ride is to support recovery and addiction, and they ride their motorcycles and it's very powerful. 

I've worked a table there for the past two years for Parents Supporting Parents and the one the motorcycles take off and they go to I think they go to Harwich or Chatham I'm not sure but when they take off and there's so many it is so powerful and emotional and they're doing this for everybody who suffers with this disease and it takes away from the stigma that's the big thing the stigma that you know people with substance abuse disorder are less than and they're not, they have an illness just like anybody with diabetes or, you know, some, some other kind of disease. And it's not viewed that way, but the drugs that are out there now that are on the street that accidentally get into things as simple as possibly as Xanax, they're hijacking their brains.

And it's very hard to recover from them. They're very strong. They're very potent. And it's the compassion that we need in the community towards addiction. And that's why we do what we can for awareness.

Sue Andersen (14:05)

Mm hmm. So I know that ⁓ August 31 is ⁓ International Overdose Awareness Day. Yes. ⁓ And is there a local organization in on the Cape?

Jill Maiorana (14:25)

⁓ that supports it. Yes. ⁓ Falmouth human services this year is very involved. ⁓ they're running it in, ⁓ and it's going to be, ⁓ on the village green and Falmouth on the 31st from six to seven 30. and through Parents Supporting Parents, there's also one, ⁓ that has been ongoing. ⁓ in ⁓ Yarmouth. Yes. And ⁓ that one is another vigil with all the posters of the kids, whether you're there or not, ⁓ kids and loved ones. So, ⁓ Felmouth started there's two years ago and all the posters of, of the kids are there.

There's tables set up for different support, ⁓ different resources that ⁓ families may need, and ⁓ everyone gets an opportunity to go up and speak ⁓ briefly about their loved one. And it's a great gathering. It's like everybody is there for one reason. And it's great in the community because it's out on the Village Green. People are driving by or wondering what's going on. And they get a true picture of what addiction is really all about.

Sue Andersen (15:56)

Right. ⁓ I know that, ⁓ again, especially after Joey's death that you, ⁓ you were doing yoga, because you were in a couple of my classes or workshops. ⁓ What kinds of other ⁓ healing modalities did you find helpful for you?

Jill Maiorana (16:22)

I, so yoga was huge for me. It really kept me present. It would make me cry. You know, I always say like, it's like a wet sponge that you're twisting and the water comes out. That, that was huge for me. I, ⁓ had already planned a yoga retreat before Joey's death in Costa Rica. ⁓And so I went on that and that I, you know, waited until the last minute to make the decision, whether I was going or not, things like that to keep me as present as possible was huge being out in nature. ⁓ 

I had a, ⁓ a friend that I did a yoga retreat. I met her doing her yoga retreat and I hired her as a coach to help me learn any kind of healing modality that was out there. She taught me about sound healing, sound bath with the singing bowls, ⁓ crystal bowls. She's taught me about crystals. She taught me how to connect, ⁓ meditate and connect because I wanted to connect with Joey and I wasn't because I was too destroyed. And I just never thought I would ever, ever, ever feel joy again. And that went on and she really helped me. worked together for about six months, six to eight months. ⁓ and I continued to learn about any, any healing modality out there, any support group, I was on board because I could not, I didn't know how I was going to get through this. So that was huge. 

And then, I found a retreat in New Jersey. It was through Hayden's House of Healing. And it was for child loss. It was a wonderful retreat. it was in New Jersey. It was four days. And that is the first time it was maybe about a, ⁓ just shy of a year of Joey, ⁓ Joey's passing. And that retreat that weekend was the first time I actually laughed genuinely. And I was with my peers. I was with my tribe and we didn't know, we didn't know each other when we got there and we didn't want to leave each other when it ended. Yeah. So that was really great. It taught me that I can feel joy. I can laugh without feeling guilty because we have that, right?

Sue Andersen (19:14)

Yeah, sure.

Jill Maiorana (19:16)

You know, how can I feel joy? How can I have happiness? That's, that's not fair to Joey, you know, and that's, that's not of course what he would want. So doing these healing things, any of the modalities helps help me to be more connected to Joey because of course they don't in spirit, they don't want to be around us when we're hurting.

Sue Andersen (19:43)

Right. And it's hard to, at least I felt this way, if all this emotion is stuck inside of you, you can't connect to anything else because there's no room. You have to let it out. So just like you were talking about, you know, twisting the sponge and letting all the water come out, you know.

Jill Maiorana (19:59)

Right.

Sue Andersen (20:10)

The movement of yoga or the listening or just the meditation, just the silence, does allow all those things to bubble up and release. And at least for me, I felt like every release gave me a little bit of an opening.

Jill Maiorana (20:28)

Yes. It feels like we, we kind of hold ourselves back from feeling because of the pain, but once you cry or get it out in some way through movement or any, it's, it's such a relief, even if that relief lasts an hour or a day or a week. It's such a relief. So it's so important to let it out and there's so many things that you can do and connecting to ⁓ nature is just huge. multiple ⁓ angel moms and how you feel this way being outside is very healing.

Sue Andersen (21:16)

Yeah. yeah, absolutely. And I'm not in the Cape now, but I mean, lucky for us, there's a lot of places to walk. If you have to drive there, there's a lot of nice areas near the water or different paths that you can take that are close by. You don't have to go far.

Jill Maiorana (21:30)

Absolutely. Right, right.

Sue Andersen (21:44)

I know also, Jill, that you ⁓ decided to ⁓ kind of as you were moving through the grief process, you decided that you wanted to ⁓ help other people and decided to become a grief coach. So can you talk a little bit about that journey?

Jill Maiorana (22:08)

So I was in this world, so I needed to do something with it. And I came across, ⁓ on Facebook, a video of who became my grief coach instructor, ⁓ Julie Cluff, and she lost her two children in a rollover car accident on Mother's Day in eight and 10. And listening to her and seeing how healing was possible because at that time I did not believe in healing at all. And, ⁓ I just thought, okay, I'm just going to count my days until I can go be with Joey. And, ⁓ you know, I do have a son here and I had to, I had to get strong, especially for him. I thought, well, you know what?,  If she can heal after that horrible tragedy, then why can't I, I know I can. And if I can heal, I can help other people heal. And you know, healing is ongoing as we know. 

But I worked working with clients. Um, when I would finish a session, I was⁓ I just felt really good. I felt, I can't think of the word that I really want to say. It's hard to put it into words how I felt, but I guess if you're looking at, the vibrational scale, I was at the top, you know, and it was just so helpful to me.

At the same time, of course, you have to protect your energy. Like I know that you being a grief yoga teacher and dealing with a lot of people's grief, sometimes you have to take a step back. And ⁓ it was, it's a 12 week program, so it's not like ongoing. So I, it was almost like I, I started head on and then it kind of fizzled out after the programs ended and I almost needed to take a break from it because the ebbs and flows were kicking in.

Sue Andersen (24:37)

Yeah, yeah.

Jill Maiorana (24:39)

But I know that, and there's always other ways to help people, but I do know that that is something that I would like to build on at some point and helping people wherever they are. You know, if, if someone is in need, I want to help them because I, I just want them to know, I want people to know that you can feel joy, grief and joy can live inside of you at the same time.

Sue Andersen (25:09)

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's I think that's true. I wanted to also in your intro that you gave me that I used at the beginning here. You said, you said this, “I have learned that grief isn't something we move past, but something we carry and grow around.”

And I really, really liked that because it actually, so an image that came to my mind was like, you know, if you had an injury, a physical injury, right? And then there's the scar that builds around it, or if it was a bone, then like a new bone grows around that. So there's still that injury, physical, but there's the growth around it that's the supporting it. it's like you still, you know, it happened, but you've got this new, you know, protection, I guess, for lack of a better word, you know, physically, it would be like a scar or a new bone or something. ⁓ So talk a little bit about that, because I really like that. I like that image.

Jill Maiorana (26:29)

Yeah. so you're exactly right with, so you have a physical injury and then you have your injury here with grief is your heart is your broken heart. And so that heaviness that you feel inside your body could look like a big boulder. And as you grow and understand grief, understanding grief is a huge piece because you might think you're going crazy. I mean, there's grief brain as we know, and you think, why can't I focus or why am I so forgetful or why can't I move past this? I can't, you know, am I, so then when you that grief is still going to live inside you, that boulder is going to, we hope to, by using the resources and, ⁓ you know, different healing modalities, you will, and I learned this in my course as well, ⁓ that boulder is going to break down to sand and pebbles or that boulder is going to get smaller, like a rock instead of a boulder. 

And as we grow around it, it's not going to go away. We can't, you know, we're not going to diminish our grief because our grief is love, love who we lost. And we don't want that to go away, but we do want to grow around it. We reinvent ourselves any way we can. And which, you know, is, what you have to do or you, know, it's a choice. It's a decision. And I made a decision that I can't just sit on my couch in a ball and wait for life to pass me by. 

I've noticed, so when I look back and notice the, the growth post-traumatic growth is a term that I learned in my course. And, I love that term because instead of it being a negative, yeah, the trauma is there. This is post after the trauma. And I'm growing and I can look back and say, okay, this is where I was. It's not necessarily a stage of grief. You know, that, that I think is, you know, maybe a little inconsistent because I think it was originally made for people that are actually dying. 

You know, people think, okay, I got through this stage. I got through that stage and I'm going to get to acceptance. You may never accept. but you, you can definitely see the growth in yourself and see where you were, see where you are now. And if you move in, if you slip, you can say, okay, but I know where I was. So I'm going to try to get back there.

And like a physical injury, like you said, if you, you know, break a bone and say you have to have surgery and then scar tissue grows around it. And then you, you have the support, you have physical therapy or you have medication or whatever, whatever it is to get you better. You have to do the same thing for, know, for your heart.

Sue Andersen (30:07)

I can't remember the name of this book. I've talked about it before with another guest on the podcast, but there was a book that I read maybe, I don't know if it was a couple of years after Ian died, but it was a book about a doctor, a brain scientist who had a stroke and she knew she was having a stroke because she knew all the signs of it. Anyway, the story, it resonated with me because she had to relearn how to do everything. And so she had this traumatic event, which was for her physical. And then she recounts in her book all the steps that the baby steps, the forward, the back, the baby, everything that she had to do to get back to what was not who she was before but who she is now. 

And I thought, well, that's exactly like grief. You know, that's exactly like when you have a loss and you're grieving, except the difference is for her, I people could see that, ⁓ she can't walk or whatever. And now two years later, she can walk. You can't tell that with really somebody who's grieving because it's all internal, but it still made me feel like, okay, this is sort of the same thing. And it gave me hope, I guess. That's what it gave me.

Jill Maiorana (31:41)

And hope is, is the key word. Yeah. Hope turns into understanding, ⁓ and maybe resolving, ⁓ the issues around that. And yes, absolutely. Without hope, you know, we're going to stay stuck and stuck grief turns into physical ailments.

Sue Andersen (31:54)

Yeah.

Jill Maiorana (32:10)

Mm It can, you know, know, as we know, ⁓ stress and stress causes is causes inflammation, inflammation causes disease. So it's a whole, you know, mind, body, spirit situation. ⁓ but that's, yeah, it is the same thing. And if we, and if we have hope, then we can take a step forward and try to find what works best for us. And everybody's different in their grief journey. 

And I recently started facilitating a peer support group in Falmouth for, and it doesn't have to be for Falmouth residents. So for parents who lost a child to overdose. And I use that word lightly because to me it's like they're not overdosing they're, you know, with the drugs today are poison and, ⁓ there we've lost a loved one more to the disease. ⁓ but the peer support group is so amazing because it's for everybody. 

I may bring everybody together and do a flyer and, you know, get the time and organize the place, but everyone who comes there, this meeting is for them. And the goal is to get them talking, to get those feelings out. And there wasn't a lot of support years ago. So, um, there's a lot of moms that are just, you know, they may have lost a child, um, 10 years ago, 15 years ago.

And they're just talking about it and the tears and the laughter and you know, they get to talk about their child's for as long as they want. And it's, and they have ever all the support around them. So, ⁓ that's very helpful. And that gives hope to see other parents that, okay, I can move through my life. If you're moving through yours.

Sue Andersen (34:29)

Yeah. And you know, you're you mentioned about ⁓ stigmatized deaths. I mean, you didn't say that like ⁓ overdose or suicide or other things like that that are stigmatized. Of course, years ago, nobody talked about it. So so somebody that lost whoever in their family years ago, but now there's more support and there's more openness. So now they're coming to these groups and finding the support and finally feeling like they can let some of this out that they buried inside, which is so wonderful. It's so helpful to have these kinds of groups.

Jill Maiorana(35:12)

And I think that's biggest doctor - find what works for you.

Sue Andersen (35:28)

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Anything else you want to just mention to our listeners, Jill, especially those that are on Cape. So this podcast is going to go live on August 27. And so if people are interested in, you know, doing something for ⁓ overdose awareness day, is there anything that you can point them to or.

Jill Maiorana (36:02)

⁓ yes. So let's see, ⁓ Falmouth  Human Services, I believe. ⁓ so I believe they will have something, online, ⁓ but there's also, ⁓ social media postings and not everybody's on social media, but we're trying to spread the word as much as we can, ⁓ through, you know, through anyway we can. 

And as I said, it's on the village green from six to seven 30. Everybody is encouraged to wear purple for the color for overdose awareness. And just to come out and support even it, you know, there's always someone, you know, that has lost a loved one to substance abuse disorder. Oh yes, my cousin died from that or, you know, there's always someone that you, that you may hear about whether it's, you know, directly related to you or not. And just to have the support of everyone around and being together and, trying to get rid of that stigma and that judgment feeling, you know, and that's the, that's the best thing that, that you can do in, in come around and look at all the faces on the posters, the young faces gone too soon faces and how unnecessary and just the awareness is the, you know, the biggest piece that this isn't just someone that's going out, you know, this is not what they want.

It is a disease and it's not to be judged and any help that you can give, know, parents supporting parents does ⁓ scholarships for ⁓ sober living, which helps people to continue their sober journey and the recovery ⁓ because it's expensive.  Everything's expensive to, to try to get into any kind of program to live. And so that's very helpful, especially if it's somebody that's very young, because it just doesn't discriminate. 

I mean, the, you know, kids are starting very young, getting involved, and it doesn't necessarily have to be an addiction. It's kids going to a party and pills are being passed around and they innocently say, okay, I'm yes, I'm going to try this. And because everybody else is. and that pill is laced with fentanyl or a synthetic opioid. And they're, and they could pass away at 15 years old, 14 years old babies that are passing away from touching fentanyl that is in the household. ⁓ So many. ⁓ And so it's not just about. It's not just about that stigma. is about what it could do to anyone. It does not discriminate.

Sue Andersen (39:42)

Yeah, thank you. Well, thanks so much, Jill. really appreciate you coming on and telling your story.

Jill Maiorana (39:49)

Thank you, Sue. I really appreciate being able to do this and try to get the word out there as best I can.

Sue Andersen (39:57)

Yeah. Well, thanks everyone for listening. ⁓ We hope you have a good day and we'll see you next time.