Anchors In The Day: How Routine Can Hold Us In Grief

Summary:

In this episode of Growth from Grief, Susan Andersen discusses the importance of routine and gentle rhythms in navigating the journey of grief. She emphasizes the need for supportive structures that can help individuals cope with their emotions and find moments of peace amidst the chaos of loss. Through practical examples and personal anecdotes, Susan encourages listeners to create small, manageable rituals that can provide comfort and connection during difficult times.

Takeaways

• Grief can make everyday routines feel overwhelming or meaningless.
• Reframing routines as gentle rhythms can alleviate pressure.
• Creating morning anchors can help set a positive tone for the day.
• Midday pauses can reconnect you with your feelings and needs.
• Evening wind-down rituals can promote relaxation and gratitude.
• Finding kindness in your routines is essential for healing.

Thank you for listening!   Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

Susan Andersen (00:03.383)
Hello, I'm Sue Andersen, grief guide and yoga teacher dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenging journey of loss. Welcome to Growth from Grief, where I aim to offer strategies to transition from the depths of grief to the path of healing. Whatever loss you are grappling with, here you'll discover support to ease both the physical and emotional burdens of grief. Together, let's embark on a journey towards strength, peace, and healing. I'm so glad you are here.

Susan Andersen (00:53.912)
Hi everyone, Sue Andersen here. Welcome to Growth from Grief. Today I would like to talk with you about routine, right? Just our everyday routines. And sometimes routine can feel stifling or it can really feel like a refuge. And when you're grieving, sometimes it just feels so vast. You you can get kind of lost in the vastness of a grief-filled day. And sometimes simple routines can offer a little bit of quiet, some safety, care, just can be really a great source of support.

Susan Andersen (01:54.253)
So thinking about gentle routines, not rigid schedules. One of the strange things about grief is how it distorts time. Some days feel endless like, gosh, I could remember that, you know, in early days of grief. Others, other days just seem to slip by in a haze. You're just numb all day. And sometimes the normal markers of a day, you know, the getting up in the morning, the getting ready for work or school or getting the kids off to school, making meals, having breakfast, bedtime. Sometimes these everyday normal markers of a day just feel meaningless or they can be overwhelming. 

But we do really need some sense of rhythm because without it, you know, you can feel like you're in a swirl of exhaustion, sadness and numbness. You know, thinking about creating some kind of a routine that can act as a soft container, like a little bit of a buffer, that can really help. 

Susan Andersen (03:35.117)
So, I'd like you to just think about that word routine and what does that bring to mind for you? Sometimes structure, discipline, control, you know, having something that we can kind of depend on that everyday routine. But in times of grief, you may want to think about something a little bit less structured, right? Maybe it's a little bit of a rhythm that can hold us rather than we feel pressured by this routine.

So some of it is reframing, reframing the way that we think. You know, here's an example. You know, I must go for a 30 minute walk at 7 a.m. So maybe that's something that you did that was part of a routine before you had this loss and now you still think you should do it and maybe you put pressure on yourself. But instead of thinking about that as that 30 minute walk at 7 a.m, maybe you just give yourself permission to step outside today and just feel the morning air.

Susan Andersen (05:11.466)
So finding a moment that can ground you, remind you that hey, you are still here. You are capable of small acts of care, caring for yourself, caring for others, right? So here are three different examples of things that you can think about. So how about changing up that morning routine a little bit? 

So again, if you were that person that got up, got dressed, went to the gym, got up, got dressed, went for that walk. Maybe you change that a little bit or a lot depending on what you did before where you just start with something like a nice slow breath before you even get out of bed. 

Just have that moment where you take a deep inhale through the nose. Maybe you just hold it for that tiny amount of time and then a nice slow exhale through the mouth.

Susan Andersen (06:32.192)
Maybe you light a candle.

Susan Andersen (06:39.168)
Maybe you sit in silence?

Susan Andersen (06:49.62)
So think about setting, I don't know, some kind of an anchor in the morning, something that can help you mark the beginning of your day with intention. So that breath work, that little ritual of lighting a candle or having that cup of tea by the window so you can look outside.

Susan Andersen (07:15.775)
The second example could be a midday pause. So what could you do in the middle of the day? Is it a short walk? Is it just a stretch? You know, if you are back to work, if you're sitting at a desk and why don't you take that time just to get up and stretch? Even if it's just to walk around the building, if you're working at a building or if you're home, maybe it's just that walk around your home. It's something that allows you to come back to yourself and notice how you're doing. How are you doing right now?

Susan Andersen (08:14.346)
So the third example of what could be a gentle rhythm rather than that strict routine is something that you do at the end of the day, that evening wind down. So maybe that's a little gratitude prayer, a little journaling. Maybe it's just some gentle yoga, five minutes of gentle yoga, a warm bath.

Susan Andersen (08:53.781)
So these aren't demanding of you, they're invitations. So how can you change this routine up a little bit to be more of an invitation rather than a strict structure? Especially, again, especially helpful when you're grieving a loss, but just even if you're feeling overwhelmed with what is happening in your life at this time.

Susan Andersen (09:30.367)
You know, I like to find things that we can do to help ourselves that maybe have a little bit of backing in science. The science behind this and why it helps is because these kinds of routines can calm the nervous system, reduce anxiety, improve sleep but you can also think about a sense of continuity because grief changes constantly, right? It's always shifting. It's always shifting. And so these small touch points that we can find the morning anchor, the midday pause, the evening wind down, they keep us connected to our life.

Susan Andersen (10:32.213)
You know, for me, when I first experienced this really deep loss with Ian's death, my routine, normal routine was obviously thrown out the window. But even not just days after or weeks after, but even probably that first year, I just found it really helpful to do some simple things, whether it was a short walk, going out to my garden because I really loved that, making a list. So I love making a list. And that's what I would do either first thing in the morning to say, okay, this is what I wanna do today. And I'd make that list just maybe three things and you know take a shower is one of the things on the list. Go for a short walk.

You know, that was so helpful to me. So it was just those really simple rituals. You know, simple sitting there, gratitude, or you know, just a prayer. They just helped me a little bit.

Susan Andersen (12:03.645)
They helped me, these little simple experiences that I had, the little simple rituals that I did really helped me, especially during those moments when I was caught off guard, where the grief was really deep, and I couldn't breathe. So I had these little anchors, these little things that I could do. And I'm sure you feel the same way. 

But think about it. Think about it for yourself. Again, this could be just you're feeling overwhelmed and you want to come back. Come back to something simpler. Something that's going to be more supportive of how you are doing. So maybe ask yourself,

What is one gentle rhythm I can create for myself this week?

Susan Andersen (13:10.429)
Doesn't have to be big. It just has to be kind, kind to yourself. Really important for us in grief and certainly every day.

Well, thank you for joining me today on Growth from Grief. I have some new programs and I'm going to be running new classes during the months of September and October of 2025. So please check them out on my website, sueandersenyoga.com. I'm also going to be starting a five session holiday grief program that will start in October. It will be every other week for five sessions ending on December 9th, I think is today. It's a Tuesday, Tuesdays. So again, this is in the fall of 2025 and you'll find that on my website.

So thank you for joining me today. And again, if this episode was helpful to you, I would really appreciate if you shared it with someone else in your life or left a review on Spotify or Apple.

Susan Andersen (14:46.173)
Wishing you a wonderful rest of your day. Thank you. See you in the next episode.