Holding Grief, Awakening Energy: A Conversation for Widows

In this heartfelt and insightful conversation, Sue sits down with a dear friend and fellow yoga teacher, Mary Mullin to explore her unique work supporting widows through Kundalini yoga and grief.

We talk about what Kundalini yoga really is and how it differs from Hatha yoga and how it can gently support the nervous system during times of deep loss. Mary also shares a simple, approachable understanding of the chakra system and how these energy centers relate to emotional healing and grief.

Mary opens up about her own journey as a widow—and how her personal experience has shaped the offering she now brings to others walking a similar path.

We talk about her free guide and she gives a preview of her upcoming summer program designed specifically for widows, live partners or fiances seeking connection, support, and healing.

Thank you for listening!   Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello, I'm Sue Andersen Grief Guide and Yoga teacher dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenging journey of loss. Welcome to Growth from Grief, where I aim to offer strategies to transition from the depths of grief to the path of healing. Whatever loss you are grappling with here, you'll discover support to ease both the physical and emotional burdens of grief.

Together let's embark on a journey towards strength, peace, and healing. I'm so glad you are here.

Sue: Hi everyone, and welcome to this episode of Growth from Grief. [00:01:00] I'm Sue Andersen. I'm so glad you're here. And if you are new to this podcast, welcome, and if you're a returning listener, I thank you for returning today. I'm so happy to have with me a friend and fellow yoga teacher, Mary Mullen. And Mary is going to talk with us a little bit about yoga for grief, specifically for widows and how she has embodied the chakras into this new practice that she has and an upcoming program that she'll be delivering this summer. 

So, welcome Mary. Thanks for joining. 

Mary: Hi, welcome. Thank you, Susan. Thank you for inviting me on this podcast. 

Sue: You are welcome. I'm excited. Mary, can you just tell our audience a little bit about, a little bit about your background, [00:02:00] you know, how you got into this work. 

Mary: Yeah. Yes, so I have been teaching Kundalini yoga for almost 20 years now, which is hard to believe. Wow. And, you know, I had a studio as you know, because you, you taught at the studio. Right. And then when COVID came, I had to close the studio. So I primarily now teach yoga, kundalini yoga online.

My work now is sort of shifting towards combining Kundalini yoga and grief. Because as you know, I lost my husband suddenly in 2023. Right? So, you know, when something like that happens, I think sometimes people find a little bit of meaning in what they wanna do and shift their work. So that's where my work is shifting towards now, is to help [00:03:00] people who are grieving through yoga.

Sue: Yep. Great. That's wonderful. Can you explain a little bit in case people aren't familiar with Kundalini yoga, just what, what is that type of yoga. 

Mary: Sure. So, it's quite different than hatha Yoga. The movements are repetitive. They're tend to be more dynamic. Not necessarily to the point where you can't do them. I mean, you have, you can judge how far you wanna go. There's a lot of breath work involved, a lot of meditation, a lot of mantra work, chanting. Really the point of Kundalini yoga for me is not only to physically strengthen the body, but to move your energy and to clear your energy from, you know, any blocks that are preventing you from being yourself and reaching your full potential. 

Sue: [00:04:00] Yeah, I remember the first time that I took a class with you, I was really surprised about the breath work and the movement. I mean, it was like a simple movement like this. I'm not doing it right, but just to show people like you were moving side to side and you were breathing and then it got, you know, increasingly if you wanted to go faster, it went faster, faster, faster.

And it was really, uh, you definitely move your energy. That's for sure. 

Mary: You do. You do. And you know, you know, when I started 20 years ago, my practice was quite different, right? because I was 20 years younger. So I would say I've softened it a bit. Yeah. But it's important to know that softening it and taking it a little bit slower, does not reduce the effectiveness of the practice in many ways.

When you go slower, you're working on a more subtle level, and it can actually be more powerful. 

Sue: [00:05:00] Yeah. Yeah. I noticed for myself that you know, in my grief journey, that movements that really these repetitive kind of movements, whether it's this back and forth or kind of this punching out, which is something that I, do in my classes, grief classes, is that you're getting that energy, you're moving the energy, and you really do feel a little bit more open after you do that. 

Mary: You can, because you're letting go, especially if you have that, if you have anger or something that feels really tough, you know, like you're right and you can't figure out how to get it out of your body, but you can feel it, right?

Because as you know grief lives in the body. It's not just an emotion of the heart, right? So, and also I think when you are working with people who are grieving, the exercise -you don't need a lot of different things. You don't need a lot of different [00:06:00] exercises. You just need some targeted ones that you can do maybe for a minute to two minutes just to, like you said, to move that energy and get that flow back in your body. Right. You know? 

Sue: Right, right. So, after your husband died, I know you, you obviously took time off you, you did what you needed for yourself for a period of time.  And then maybe like two, maybe like in the last year is when you started taking some additional training. But I also know prior to that you did some training around trauma work. Is that right? 

Mary: Yes. So, I did a course to help people who are suffering from PTSD. Okay. So it's Kundalini yoga to support people with PTSD. And again, it's quite different than a traditional Kundalini yoga class. Mm-hmm. The movements [00:07:00] are much slower. There's a lot of, you know, rest time between, so the body can process what's happening.

So, it's very different, but it was, I enjoyed teaching it, it was very successful. I did that in person.   I think I taught it, I taught it as a series about six times. And people found it very helpful. And then, so after my husband died, like you said, I took some time off. Yeah. 

And it's, yeah you know, and it's funny, I, as someone who had a very strong daily practice, I really didn't even practice at all, which is, which was surprising for me. But again, it, it taught me a lot about the body and about grief. And so recently I decided to take a course with David Kessler, who is an expert in [00:08:00] grief, and I became certified as a grief educator.

Okay, so I now want, my work is kind of shifting to, bridging Kundalini yoga and that grief work together and including chakra work. because that's also one of the things I really focus on in my teachings. 

Sue: So you mentioned chakras. So talk to me, talk to us about what that is, what the, for people that don't understand what, what are we talking about?

Mary: Sure. And yeah. And, and the chakras can sound a little intimidating for a lot of people who aren't in the yoga world, right. But a really simple explanation is they're just energy centers in your body. Right. And traditionally, yoga has, they, they talk about seven of them. In Kundalini yoga we add the eighth, which is like the aura.

And so they're all [00:09:00] located along the spine. They start down at the base of the spine and move up. You know, you have the first chakra. The second chakra is, you know, the, the reproductive area and then the third chakra is the abdominals. The heart chakra obviously is in the chest, throat chakra, six chakras in, you know, your forehead, and it's usually associated with pituitary, pineal gland, then the crown chakra.

So it just is all along the body central part of the body. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And each of them have a different quality, both energetically and physically. They can affect your physical body as well when that energy is stuck. 

Sue: So how, when you're working with someone that's in grief, do you, I, I'm talking about one-on-one, if you were to do this one-on-one, with people not in a [00:10:00] class, because you wouldn't be able to. Be more difficult in a group, but if you were working one-on-one, what are the kinds of questions you might ask the person to try to figure out? Like what would be the appropriate movements? 

Mary: Sure. I think the first thing I would have them do is just to sit down, close their eyes maybe and just tell me what they're feeling in their body. First of all what they're feeling physically, and then maybe ask them what they're struggling with emotionally, right. And from there we can decide what part of, or which chakra is, is affected.

I know for me personally when my husband died, I had to tap into that myself, right? Mm-hmm. Sure. And so, for me it was [00:11:00] all first chakra issues. I mean, obviously after the first initial shock of his death, I was really in a panic, about how I was gonna survive financially. Mm-hmm. He supported the house.

You know, I work part-time and so a lot of my issues were surrounded about around security and fear. You know, how is I going to make all the payments and was I gonna be financially sound. So I really started working on some of those first chakra exercises. You know, the first chakra, that's what it is, it's your foundation.

It's about security, stability, feeling grounded, and the shadow emotion. associated with it is fear. So I had a lot of that. So that's what I did. [00:12:00] And so if someone was coming to me, those are the type of things we would just talk about. Like, you know, what are you feeling? Other than of course, grief is the heart chakra, the sadness.

People can feel other things, other than just that. Which I'm sure you know. 

Sue: Yes. And you know, you just mentioned about the, the safety and security and stability, that, that you felt was, you know, missing now because, because your husband died and, you know, I, I think somebody that has lost a husband or wife or partner, you know, that's a real, real thing for them is, you know, regardless if you were, they were the sole breadwinner or not. Now it's sort of, that foundation is really knocked off, you know, off its edge. You know, you, what do you do now? And I think that's [00:13:00] specifically right. Right? 

Mary: Yeah. Because when you lose, a husband or or life partner, you're a unit, right? And each person has different roles in that unit. And when you lose that person, now it's like, who's gonna do all that? Right now you have to take on those roles. And then the other thing happens is, okay, so I was a wife for almost 40 years.

When that disappears, the question is, who am I now? Yeah. Right. And so a lot of people can have identity issues like, who am I? And that, that's all third chakra issues. Right. And so working on that helps you develop your identity and, you know, a way that you can deal with all of these changes.

[00:14:00] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because, you know, you pick that, you each picked each other to live together, and then once that half is gone, you're all alone. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't have the person that would normally support you in other grief situations. Like when my mother died, my husband was there to support me.

Yeah. Right. And when his mother died, I was there to support him. But when your spouse dies, you have no one to be there, that, that rock, so to speak, is not there for you, so. Right, right, right. You know. 

Sue: Yeah, that's, that's true. That's really true. I know. You know, in my experience, the, the, those first chakra issues were a little bit different because it was, you know, most recently, 13 years ago, it was my son.

So those are different issues. Right. But I, you know, but they still came up and I still had to [00:15:00] work on them. It's just - right, you know. 

Mary: Yes. Different issues. I mean, let's face it, grief is grief, but there are small differences depending on what the loss was. Right. It, it's a little bit more personal depending on who, who, who the person was that you lost, you know?

Right. Not that you wanna compare in the sense that one's. Worse than the other. Right. They're just different. I mean, I had different issues when my mother passed. All different, you know, when my brother passed all different and I'm sure like you said, when your son passed, all different, so rather than comparing, just noticing and observing the differences, I feel is really helpful.

Right. And that's why, you know, initially I'm focusing on widows because that's the one that affected me, that loss affected me the most, and that's the one I understand the most. Yeah. Personally. because it affected my life. 

Sue: Right. So [00:16:00] tell, tell us a little bit about how you're moving forward with this new mission. You know, what are, what are the kinds of things that you hope to be doing this year to, to support that community? 

Mary: So, so I just created a free guide that kind of ties it all together. It's a, it's says it's a guide for widows, but really anyone can benefit from it. It gives a very brief introduction on the chakras and, within each description what someone might be experiencing, grief related, either emotions that they're feeling or any physical issues that they may be having.

There's also an affirmation with each chakra, and then there's a link to a short video like. Seven to 10 minute video, [00:17:00] that discusses it a little bit more, but then also gives a very short practice for that particular chakra.  So, yeah, so I'm hoping that will be very helpful for people on its own.

And then in June I'm hoping to launch an online course, eight week course that goes into each chakra and grief a little bit deeper. There'll be some journal work and some, you know, more yoga. And there'll also be an additional session where it'll just be grief lessons, so to speak. Just a, an open forum for people to discuss what's going on, like a session, a grief session.

Yeah. Oh, okay. So that's what I'm hoping to do to move forward to help people. Yeah. 

Sue: That sounds really nice. So in these sessions you'll also have some [00:18:00] discussion time, so, so people that, right. Yeah. So they can, they can be a little bit more of a community even though, correct. 

Mary: Correct. I, the, the way, the way I am currently, it's currently structured is one of the first session will be yoga.   And, you know, this chakra. And then the second session would be more of a discussion covering different topics on grief, like what, what they might be feeling. And then allow participants to, to share if they want to or just listen. 

Sue: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds really good. I think it's, it's a lot of this is easier if you're in person, as we both know that, right. But yes, because if you're in person, even if the session is focused, like, let's say it's just one session and it's focused on the, the movement practice and the meditation and the journaling, you still have that opportunity to talk to each other [00:19:00] because you're all in person in the same room.

It's nice that you're gonna offer that. Opportunity for sharing on Zoom because again, you know, people wanna have that bond and Right. Sometimes it's hard and it's important, you know? 

Mary: Yeah. Yeah. And that, that is what's missing. I've taken a lot of online courses and you know, when you do have that opportunity to interact online, you do actually have a sense of community.

Even in my online classes that I have now, everyone talks to each other, you know, in the beginning. Sometimes I can't get them to stop talking so we can do the class, but it's nice. It's nice they all, you know, know each other very well now, and so you do. Get that sense of community online if you, if you choose to do so.

Sue: Right, right. [00:20:00] Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Is there anything else that you would like our listeners to know about in terms of the, this new grief offering that you're gonna have or anything else about you or, or what you're doing today? 

Mary: Yeah, well, I think I just like to, you know, offer out that it's, you know, it is for widows, but it, it, it can also be for someone who's lost a partner.

It can also be one of the groups that I feel is, is not, is not considered often is fiancés, right? Mm-hmm. They, you know, someone who's engaged. I, I've had several people who feel like there wasn't any place for them to go, because they won't, weren't quote unquote married, but they still chose a partner, right?

They still chose each other and unfortunately they had that loss before they, so to speak, made it official. So, [00:21:00] the program would be open to them. And then just in grief in general you know, I just want people to know that, you know, there's no right or wrong way to grieve. It's a very personal thing.

And that one of the best ways to heal is to be able to find someone that they can talk to. Right? Yeah. And just, share what they're feeling. Because that's really where the healing is. Yeah. 

Sue: Yeah. Uh, so Mary, how do people find you? What's, can you give us your website and Sure. 

Mary: My website is  https://www.kundaliniathome.com/ And, you know, that's where they can find out information about me. My background, the, my current online classes, but there's also, two links there. One for the Free Guide for Grief, [00:22:00] and the Chakras. But there's also another free link for a meditation guides. There's five meditations that are simple for people to do, called Find your Calm Kit. So there are meditations that focus on just calming the body and the mind. So it's all there. 

Sue: Yeah. Nice. Great. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. I really enjoyed our conversation. 

Mary: Oh, well thank you so much for having me, Sue. I really, really appreciate it and love talking to you. You know that for sure. 

Sue: Exactly, exactly. Well, thank you everyone for joining today. We will see you the next episode. Bye for now.