One Step Forward, Two Steps Back: Trusting the Rhythm of Grief

In this episode of Growth from Grief, I reflect on the phrase “one step forward, two steps back” through the lens of Spring, a simple dance step, and the grief journey. As nature shifts between warmth and cold, we’re reminded that healing doesn’t move in a straight line. If you’ve ever felt like you were making progress only to be pulled back into grief, this gentle conversation offers a compassionate reframe—you’re not going backwards, you’re moving in a natural rhythm of healing. 💛

Thank you for listening!   Visit www.sueandersenyoga.com for Yoga for Grief classes and additional resources.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello, I'm Sue Andersen, Grief Guide and Yoga teacher dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenging journey of loss. Welcome to Growth from Grief, where I aim to offer strategies to transition from the depths of grief to the path of healing. Whatever loss you are grappling with here, you'll discover support to ease both the physical and emotional burdens of grief.

Together let's embark on a journey toward strength, peace, and healing. I'm so glad you are here.

Hi there. I am Sue Andersen. Welcome to Growth From Grief. If you're new here, [00:01:00] I hope you'll find information that will help you along your grief journey. And if you're a returning listener, thank you for coming back. In today's episode, I wanna talk about the phrase, and maybe you've heard it “one step forward and two steps back”.

So I'm talking about this today because it, the, that phrase showed up for me in three ways over the last, week or week and a half. First of all, in spring, the, the season that we're in right now of spring. Secondly, in movement, specifically a dance. And then third, in my own grief journey and I think in others will, that are grieving, they'll relate to this.

And you know, an [00:02:00] important thing to think about here is that today as we explore this rhythm, let's think about it as being human and not some sort of a failure, right? So I went forward and then I stepped back and I must be a failure. Now, that's not really the way it works. And we'll, we'll talk a little bit about it. We'll look at that as each of these three points as a rhythm right. 

So I was reading this book, called Wisdom of the Earth, Wisdom of the Body by Jennifer Ray, and I was reading this book, because she is a recognized, internationally recognized Chinese medicine practitioner, Yoga and meditation teacher.  And I was using her book specifically the chapter on chapters [00:03:00] about Spring, as I was preparing for a recent, online yin yoga class, that I did. And as I was reading the chapters that focus on the spring season, one of the things that, she brought up was that in spring, you do feel like you go one step forward and two steps back.

Now, think about the months, at least in the Northern Hemisphere, the months of March and April. So March, you know, you get one of these really beautiful, warm days and you're like, yay, we're into spring, and you know, no more winter. And then the next day there's a cold wind, you know, gray skies, maybe it even snows and you're, ugh, we're back to winter.

And so it's definitely that one step forward and, and two steps back. [00:04:00] I'm sure if, especially if you live in like a, climate like New England, in the New England area, which I do, which you kind of expect the four seasons throughout the year, and, maybe we're always really, early in our expectation of spring here, but you do expect to have those, those different seasons.

And so there's a lot of anticipation for the spring season, right? That warm weather. And you know, if I think about this just in my own life, you have that just, feeling like the light is returning, right? It's bright and sunny. Oh, it feels warm, and then all of a sudden you're back to those gray, cold days.

Or you're really hopeful, you see. Maybe you see snow drops, [00:05:00] which I saw in my front yard recently. You know, little tiny flowers that are white, and so you're hopeful. And then, ugh, you know that gray again, that terrible weather. Maybe it's a little bit of snow on the ground again, and you've got that disappointment.

But as we know in nature, there's no such thing as a straight line. You know, the, there's these changes constantly. And you know, the other thing about nature is that growth is cyclical, not linear. So if we look just at what's going on in the world around us from, again, the natural world growth tends to be cyclical.

It's not, you know, linear. So. You know, here's something to think about, something to ponder: [00:06:00] Where in your life does it feel like Spring? Hopeful but unpredictable. You know, we have a lot of anticipation for the spring, but there's a lot of things that get in our way. The snow, the wind. You know, so maybe there's something going on in your life, some change that you wanna make, and you've got that one step forward, two step back, uh, kind of rhythm going on.

So that's the first thing, that comes to mind, about that phrase. One step forward, two steps back. The other thing is, or the second area is about dance. So I've been taking an exercise class where this teacher always incorporates [00:07:00] some kind of a line dance or some kind of dance steps into this exercise class.

So it's, it's really kind of fun. And so I became kind of curious when I read, read the phrase again from, again, from that Jennifer Ray book I became curious and thinking this must be a dance step. There has to be some sort of dance step. So I, looked it up, of course, you know, I Googled it and it is in fact a part of a basic, like a line dance, country music kind of line dance and you know, so when I think about a line dance, I think about something that is structured.

You know, you have that one step forward, two steps back, or two steps to the side, right? Two steps to the left, right? It's very structured, but it's also rhythmic and that forward and [00:08:00] back or side to side or whatever that movement is, you know, it's repetitive. So the, the stepping back, that's not a mistake.

It's part of the choreography. It creates balance and flow. So how do we change our thoughts about one step forward, two steps back in our life? You know, can we think about that? So maybe we feel like there's been a setback. And now we're, you know, again, that step back. But what if it's really just part of the movement?

What if we need to move that step back or two steps back to have a reflection to, you know, [00:09:00] to, to take a moment and reset or recalibrate before we take that? Step forward and keep, keep going. So we're still kind of in the dance and you know, it's all part of that dance. So we're stepping forward and back, but it doesn't mean that we're doing something wrong or we're a failure.

It's, it's just part of the movement.

And the third way that I was thinking about this phrase, one step forward and two steps back, is just very familiar to me in, uh, the times that I've had, uh, a loss and, and was grieving. You know, [00:10:00] if you are a person whose experienced loss, and maybe you're in those first early days, months, years of that loss, you know, you might feel like you're just stuck.

You're not going forward or backwards. You're just stuck and, and truthfully, you're probably still in shock. Right. Your body, your whole being, you're just getting used to this situation without that, person or job or home or whatever it is, that's your loss. But every once in a while, and especially as you continue to move through this, you release some of this pain that you're feeling.

There are these days where you feel like yourself again. You're like, wow, you know, I feel great. [00:11:00] That might be your one step forward, and then you know, you wake up the next day, you're pulled back into this heaviness, longing, sadness, and you think, I thought I was doing better. Why am I back here again? I thought I was done with this.

But you know, that is grief. That is grief. Grief is that one step forward, two steps back, two steps forward, three steps back, whatever. And, and that time of stepping back the distance or the time between forward and back really lengthens the further out you are from your loss. You still might step back, don't get me wrong, but it's not going to [00:12:00] be as frequent as when you were earlier in your grief.

You might want to think about it as a revisit, so it's not like you're falling backwards or you're regressing or something like that. It's more like you have to revisit something before you continue, before you can continue that, that backwards feeling. Maybe that. Uh, two steps back means you need to remember, you need to honor something and that step forward, you know, you have the, you can take that breath, that sigh of relief. You can see a moment of light or joy.[00:13:00] 

So don't think about it as starting over.

Just think about it more as a deepening, you know, you're, you're getting a deeper understanding of where you are in your grief journey. There's no trap here. It just means we have to learn. How to move with love and loss kind of tied together.

So you can think about looking at these three areas that I just described, of the one step forward, two steps back. You can think about them each [00:14:00] as maybe, a, a rhythm, right? 

·      So maybe Spring teaches us we have to be patient. Yes, we want that sunny day and the warmth, but we have to be patient. 

·      Maybe dance, maybe that dance step we learn a little bit more about rhythm. Rhythm of life. 

·      The one step forward and two steps back feeling and grief. It's all about being compassionate with yourself.

So maybe we even think about this as not going [00:15:00] backwards, but think about it as that natural cycle, natural cycle of healing.

So ask yourself, where are you in your own rhythm right now?

Let's bring our hands to our heart and take a moment just to acknowledge that even here I am moving, even here I am healing. One step forward, two steps back. Hey, we're still moving.[00:16:00] 

Thank you for listening today, and if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or someone that you know that might be need of this podcast if they're right in the middle of grief.  Maybe take a moment and share your own thoughts in a journal. Write them down for yourself, or send me an email and let me know what you thought about this topic, or if there's other topics that you'd like me to explore.

Thank you for listening. And I'll see you in the next episode.