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Episode 3: The one that got away..

• Newest Lows • Episode 3

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Have you ever been in love? Have you ever threw up eating hot Cheetos? Unravel the origin story of Kyle and how the hardships might make you a better person. Ryan lets loose and exposes how the strip club might not be the best option when nervous. 

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Kyle :

are we live right now. We're on the air, on the fucking airwaves. Here we are back again, bike again the fucking the trio episode, three episode, I think, yeah, this is technically episode 3, it is fuck man, we're fucking upgrading over here.

Ryan :

We're making big upgrades we're making moves very quickly.

Kyle :

We're making boss moves the fucking tens of listeners we have are giving us so much money to put back into this fucking project we got a couple of companies in the ad works there yep back into this production.

Carlos:

Maybe next episode we'll have a couple sponsors.

Kyle :

Yeah, I don't know. We're testing out on this one video, so you might not see it, probably won't see it, but yeah, that's that. Yeah, they'll see that. What the fuck is up, dude? What's up, man? You said your wife just won an award.

Carlos:

She did win an award.

Ryan :

She won manager of the quarter, hell yeah, so there's four of those a year.

Carlos:

Four of those a year, and she was one of them. Fuck yeah, dude.

Ryan :

Yeah, what happens if she goes four for four?

Carlos:

She won't. They don't allow that. Yeah, I don't think they have rules, unlike our company, anyways.

Kyle :

Yeah, I mean shit this week fucking sucked.

Ryan :

It is hot as a motherfucker. It's hot as shit. It's pretty hot out there.

Kyle :

Summer's coming back. It fucking sucks. The only time it doesn't suck is when you're at the beach or at the pool. You got some shades on. You got a bucket hat on.

Ryan :

Drinking a beer.

Kyle :

Drinking fucking beers, margaritaville, all goddamn day. Some twisted teas, yeah that's a lot, a little sugary.

Carlos:

They fuck me up pretty bad. I do get acid reflux every time I drink a twisted tea.

Kyle :

They make me feel shitty before I feel good and drunk.

Ryan :

Kyle, I have seen you house a 12 pack of teas, a tweeze. You've seen me house like 24 in one day. Hey like 24 in one day and keep drinking beer all fucking day.

Kyle :

Yeah, but you feel shitty about it, like you feel shitty before you feel drunk.

Carlos:

Like are you ashamed or are you just full? Right, wait, are you asking me a question? Yeah, are you ashamed or are you full? Ashamed, or full, yeah, ashamed of what? How many teas you can?

Kyle :

crush. There's a lot of fucking sugar in those things. Yeah, the amount of calories I'm putting down. I had to stop.

Ryan :

I wish I could drink that much.

Carlos:

I can't, I mean you force yourself to Sometimes Puke and rally baby Puke and rally.

Kyle :

Every time me and Ryan go to the beach or hang out over the weekend, every over the weekend, every time it starts out like this oh bro, I'm trying to blow some money tonight. I'm trying to pop the fuck out. Let's go fucking crazy tonight. I'm like all right, we can if you want to, but I know how this is going to end. It's like all right, bud, you know how it ends Him passed out a couple hours later.

Ryan :

In the passenger seat of your truck. Uh-huh Throwing up in the living room, I said dude, we didn't even pop out yet. It's 12 o'clock 12 am or pm. We were sitting at the bar the other weekend and I was fucking it was like four hours already yawning.

Kyle :

I was like oh, fuck Rubbing your eyes, yeah, you talk about popping out so hard and then you just die.

Carlos:

Yeah, weigh like a buck ten, buck 30.

Ryan :

Kyle can literally carry you up the stairs. Did you wake me up the other weekend when I crashed your equipment? The other weekend we went to Razzle and all that.

Kyle :

I woke you up when I heard you fucking gagging on your own throat Damn, you saved your life. And I was like I swear to God he better not be fucking puking on all my shit and I walk out, of course, just puke on my beanbag, say god damn it. You just regurgitated all over his beanbag but you kept like fucking doing it and I was like get the fuck up and go to the bathroom. He's like no. I was like well, go to the sink, then Jesus.

Kyle :

And then nothing came out and then I had ordered McDonald's for myself and he like walks through my room, he's like wait, you got McDonald's. And then immediately goes back and falls asleep.

Carlos:

That sounds about right. Sounds spot on buddy. Chronicles of Ryan and Kyle.

Kyle :

Yeah me just eating fucking 3,000 calories of McDonald's at 3 am. It's a good time. That's why I'm so fucking fat dude. Nobody fucking likes me. You said it, not me. You did say it, you did say it. It's just like I don't know if I'm ever going to find like a woman. I don't think they like me. You don't think they like you. No, I'm like fucking ugly or something.

Carlos:

I think you need to like find a woman that's of your standard.

Kyle :

What does that mean?

Ryan :

find a woman that's of your standard. What does that mean? You tell me, my standards are fucked, your standards are fucked.

Kyle :

Yeah, you want like a fucking, I shoot for the stars. Yeah, it's a great way to put it.

Carlos:

Anything that you fall above is like you're tiptoeing around them, or you just call them a dumb bitch. Yeah, you can't talk to women like that.

Kyle :

I was like I gotta be nicer. Yeah, I gotta be nicer to girls because they like a nicer guy.

Carlos:

Right. The thing is is like whenever a girl talks to you, you shut up like you can't say anything. Yeah, you get scared, you're like oh, they're like hello kyle, and then you go that's not true I mean, that's when I resort to calling them a bitch.

Kyle :

and they're stupid, it's like a defense mechanism.

Carlos:

It's always a defense mechanism 100%.

Kyle :

I'm just negging the fuck out of them.

Carlos:

Are you not comfortable talking to women? I am comfortable talking to women.

Kyle :

That's not what I've seen I mean the ones I want to be talking to I get starstruck. They're so beautiful and amazing. What happened to the? What happened to the one that got away, cal, the one that got away, one got away. The one that got away, dude, yeah, how long ago was that? Now I was like fuck back before covet. And then, right when covet hit, oh, that was a while ago 2019 into 2020. Yeah, bro, I was working at fucking amazon overnight, so like you can imagine the type of people walking around there.

Carlos:

Can't imagine them being. They're like fucking ghouls. Creatures. They're fucking creatures.

Kyle :

Trolls coming from underneath. But then a beautiful angel appeared, bro, big fake tits.

Carlos:

Fake.

Kyle :

Works out a lot. Right up your fucking alley, right up my alley, wow Same shift. We start lot right up your fucking alley, right up my alley, wow same shift. We start talking it's like three months in we're talking, hanging out whatever have sexual relations. Of course I'm not I'm not fucking that type of guy. I like the fuck and it feels good right I got a dick and it works.

Carlos:

So I'm using it right, oh yeah.

Kyle :

Come to find out. So we started talking in probably July. We were supposed to hang out that New Year's Eve, so the 31st Blows me off, don't hear from her Ghost, my ass, oh. And then the next day she's like hey, I got the, can you meet me somewhere? I have like something to tell you. Whoa, and I was like I already knew it. She's pregnant. There were red flags. No, she was. She got engaged. She was engaged To the dude she was living with the entire time.

Ryan :

Nice, you got bamboozled, he got bamboozled.

Kyle :

Yeah, he, yeah. I thought she was the love of my life. She crushed your heart, she killed me. You didn't know. Ego death, I didn't know, but on some level I did. There was red flags but it was like dude. The amount like pussy blinds you. So like so easily. Tunnel vision, buddy, big tits and pussy will blind you.

Carlos:

She just didn't look at the picture on her nightstand.

Kyle :

She told me it was just a friend.

Carlos:

It was a roommate.

Kyle :

It was her long-term boyfriend, who she knew since high school, Wow and apparently they were just going through a rough time and she wanted to fuck.

Carlos:

Was that back in your bodybuilding days?

Kyle :

No, no, no, I was skinnier than I was now, but I wasn't that in shape.

Ryan :

Wow, Damn you were the rebound buddy.

Kyle :

I was.

Ryan :

Somewhat rebound.

Kyle :

I still got my shit wet and I got her shit wet.

Carlos:

Oh, what do you think that her Watch this? Oh, here for Kyle.

Kyle :

Thank you, thank you?

Carlos:

Do you think that he was more handsome than you?

Kyle :

No, but do you know what he was?

Carlos:

A fucking veteran.

Kyle :

Who owns a gun store?

Carlos:

God dang him Wow.

Kyle :

He owned the fucking Dude.

Carlos:

Thank you for that, eric. You disgraced our country.

Kyle :

Dude. I know Well, because we were fucking around After they were already engaged.

Ryan :

So after you guys met up and had a little date, she kept, she kept coming back. Was he overseas at the time?

Kyle :

No, no way. In Denver he owned a. What do you call that when you wrap the cerakote? Or around cars? No, around guns, like a gun wrapping place yeah, like uh so he owns a gun store was a fucking military veteran and I was fucking his wife while she was engaged to him. I was like dude, this dude's gonna fucking kill me yeah, would.

Carlos:

But the pussy is too good Sneak around.

Ryan :

How long was this going on for?

Kyle :

It felt like a lifetime.

Carlos:

He blinked and they were already holding hands.

Kyle :

It was gone, but in reality it was probably like six or seven months. That was about it.

Ryan :

That's not bad though that was about it. That's not bad though that's a while, that's a good little bit. Yeah, How'd you feel after?

Kyle :

Well, it was like three months before she got engaged and then probably like three months after you were the side dude.

Carlos:

That's fucked. Was she older than you?

Kyle :

Yeah, she was like almost 10 years older than me. She was nine and a half years.

Carlos:

Damn, how old were you, I was 22.

Kyle :

Okay, so she was no, no, no, 21. So she was 29. So she was only eight years, not quite 10. That's going cougar hunting, pal. Because, yeah, I knew she had turned 30. She had turned 30 when I was still in Colorado.

Carlos:

It's kind of hard to wrap my head around because I'm 28. She was so hot.

Ryan :

I'm telling you, she just saw a young buck like you, and she said what?

Kyle :

does she go to? Nowadays Shit? I don't get it. She just had a baby, god, because I still have her on fucking Snapchat and she keeps posting fucking and you know what's fucked up, dude, what I see the pictures I'm still like, oh, maybe I still maybe I still have a chance.

Kyle :

Not of the baby, of the. I was like because after I learned how she was like engaged and getting married, I was like dude, I think I could fucking break them up. I think I could get in there and fucking no, you think so, you for sure could yeah, no, you could no, but then that's just fucking. He was way more. He owned a business. He's just more well off.

Carlos:

You think he was way more well off than me.

Kyle :

He'd still be the side dude. You know what's fucked up too. So Amazon had this thing when COVID was going on free COVID tests and then, if you, you just got two weeks off Because it was a 14-day period Paid. 14 days off paid. She tested positive at some point and I was going over to her and her husband's house while he was at work. I wasn't fucking her then.

Carlos:

Was she just making you like P&Js? You know what I did?

Kyle :

I helped her paint her basement. Shut the fuck up.

Ryan :

I swear to God Shut the fuck up. I swear to.

Carlos:

God, Shut the fuck up. You know if her husband walked in while you guys were painting the bracelet you would have passed off as the gay friend, the GBF.

Kyle :

No, I wouldn't have, because we look pretty similar. She had a type. He was a big fucker too.

Carlos:

Yeah.

Kyle :

Been like Green eyes, but then we would be fighting for her honor.

Carlos:

I feel like I could fucking win we, we just like started kissing each other Me and her husband.

Ryan :

Yeah, dude, he said, you're fighting for her honor.

Kyle :

Yeah, whoever wins, do you think she still remembers you? Yeah 100,000%.

Ryan :

Yeah, I messaged her. I messaged her a couple weeks ago. No, you did not.

Kyle :

Well, because she had her baby a couple months ago and then I was like she didn't say anything. Then a couple weeks ago ago. I was like, hey, how's the baby, how's your life, How's your fucking husband, bitch? And she texted back and she was like, oh, I was just thinking about you earlier.

Ryan :

Can we see it? Can we see these messages?

Kyle :

They're on Snapchat, so they get deleted. No dude, I have a girlfriend in another state.

Carlos:

She goes to another school. Dude, she doesn't go here. She's way hotter than any chick that goes here.

Kyle :

No, dude, it crushed me until I, Even after I moved out here. It crushed me for probably a year and a half.

Ryan :

Is that the last one you got pushed from?

Kyle :

Come on, man Don't get fucking gross with it.

Carlos:

That's gross Asking about that.

Kyle :

Don't be vulgar, don't try to get into my fucking past, bro. Tell him, ryan. Tell him, don't get in his head, ry.

Carlos:

Tell him.

Ryan :

What's on your mind?

Carlos:

That was not vulgar or anything. You struck a chord there, you fucking.

Kyle :

I hit a nerve right there You're asking me if the last time I got pussy was in Colorado. Yeah, how long have I been here Almost three years now. You have known me almost three years now. No, I've gotten. I've gotten. No, this dude's in there. I've gotten pussy since I've been out here for two and they're like swimwear buddy, no, dude.

Ryan :

She was the one I thought you said you've been running amok in Daytona Spreading your seed everywhere.

Kyle :

Yeah, it doesn't count if it's just like going down the drain. I'll tell you one thing.

Ryan :

I'll tell you one thing If it's meant to be.

Carlos:

It's meant to be. You guys don't have to worry about it.

Kyle :

We will find our way back to each other. Exactly You'll be alright, that's true, and I was like, yeah, she fucked me up, good man, so is she?

Carlos:

almost 40 now no.

Kyle :

How old is she? She's like 33. No, yeah, 33 or 34.

Carlos:

Wait, oh yeah, because you're only 24.

Kyle :

Oh yeah.

Carlos:

Did it feel like Benjamin Button?

Kyle :

You know what it felt like. It felt like a cozy cabin in the fucking wilderness.

Carlos:

Wow, it felt like home.

Kyle :

It felt like home Wow. That's deep dude. Yeah Well, she's a fucking dumb bitch now, so Shout out. I don't hope her baby Wait Whoa, whoa. I hope there's no health complications.

Carlos:

Jesus.

Kyle :

Why'd you wink when you looked?

Carlos:

at me when you said that.

Kyle :

No, I wish her all the best In her fucking Life. I hope she dies soon.

Ryan :

She.

Carlos:

Her, not the baby.

Kyle :

She's gonna die of old age Fucking dumb bitch. She's not that old.

Ryan :

Well, she broke Kyle's heart. Man, she did.

Carlos:

If you break Kyle's heart, that's it. Fuck them. That's like an ego death.

Kyle :

Yeah.

Carlos:

Is that why you got fat?

Kyle :

She fucked up my whole psyche, dude, ah. But you know what it is. What it is, you move on.

Carlos:

Live life.

Kyle :

You fuck other chicks at some point and then you find another one, Because I also had a fucking bro. I'm a fucking, I'm a lover type, I'm a relationship guy. No, you're a lover boy.

Ryan :

I'm a lover boy, you're a lover boy.

Carlos:

You fall hard.

Kyle :

All of high school I was in love with one chick and I was friend zoned the entire time. You're that GBA. There was no chance. I'm not a fucking gay best friend. He is no, he is no. I'm not dude, I'm straight as hell. Pussy fucking feels good. It tastes good. I like women, women, women, women, women. I ain't gay no more.

Kyle :

I ain't gay, no more. Don't talk to me, bro. You've been with the same chick since high school. Fuck off. You found your one early. Why do you got to yell at me about that?

Carlos:

I'm sorry You're fucking throwing hate at me. I'm not dude, I'm just trying to understand At least.

Kyle :

I don't pay for pussy like Ryan does. All right, all right.

Ryan :

All right, that sounded like a blow. Wow, that's below the belt.

Kyle :

That's below the belt. Warning it doesn't count. It doesn't count.

Carlos:

What happened Ryan? What's he talking about? Yeah?

Kyle :

And I gave you props on that. I said good on you. I did Two for one. I had some fun. It wasn't a two for one.

Carlos:

How much You're going to make him say dollar amount.

Ryan :

Sure, next time $100. Next time $100. A little double whammy Going to the Gentleman's Club.

Carlos:

Is that where it's at?

Ryan :

That was in Jacksonville.

Kyle :

Bro, I've never. What fucking strip club are you going to Someone in?

Ryan :

Jacksonville.

Carlos:

Did you know they offered that kind of service?

Ryan :

Or did you?

Carlos:

stumble upon it. I just asked. You don't know until you ask.

Ryan :

He's right, and it worked. Buddy, Somewhat Did it work buddy. Somewhat Did it work, bro, it worked for them. Did it work? Somewhat Were you not happy? I was having a great time. I was having a fucking jolly old time.

Kyle :

Do you think you fulfilled those women?

Ryan :

No.

Carlos:

Not even close. You were probably like the seventh of the night.

Kyle :

Oh shit, don't say that, I would hope not. They were charging a fucking hard bargain, god damn.

Carlos:

You think they start cheap and get more expensive as the night goes on.

Kyle :

No, it's probably like the grosser they look, the more they charge. I look good.

Carlos:

What about them? Yeah, what did they?

Ryan :

look like. That fucking ass was bigger than my head.

Kyle :

That shit was huge Fake, or was it all natty Probably fake.

Carlos:

Probably fake. I don't know. It was an investment on their part.

Ryan :

An investment on my part too, I guess.

Carlos:

Well, you fund it.

Ryan :

I funded some of it, you funded investment.

Kyle :

I would at least want a fucking phone number or something if I'm paying that much Like a Snapchat or at least want a fucking phone number or something.

Carlos:

If I'm paying that much, like a snapchat or something, yeah, something to look back on, maybe to go back and do it again. No, just be like to reminisce, maybe there was a yeah maybe there was a connection there or something do you think they remember you if you went back?

Ryan :

oh, 100 really 100 why do you say that?

Kyle :

What made you so memorable? I'm just that guy dude, I'm just that guy, you're just him, I'm just him, I am him. I don't know man.

Carlos:

They said sure bud Huh.

Kyle :

They said sure bud, I'm sure poppy, I just don't think I have the balls to do that.

Ryan :

That was the first time I ever tried and I did it.

Kyle :

Yeah, I don't have the balls to be like. I don't have the balls to go to the movie theater by myself. Nonetheless, like the courage to go up to a stripper and be like do you want to? How much Do you want to fuck?

Carlos:

Is that what you ask? Like how much? And then they say a price or they're like for what?

Ryan :

Well, no, what happened was I was wearing a big. I was wearing a big belt, and I've been in the strip club in this belt before. Was it a Gucci? No, it was a Big ass, fucking Big ass belt, and I've been to the strip club before. And that shit gave me a fucking From the belt Like a rash. Gave me a little rash, yeah. So I fucking sat down, took it off. She was like whoa, she's like no, no, no, no, no, no.

Carlos:

That's a move.

Ryan :

No, I was like I don't know I was taking it off and she was like everything I said whoa I said alright, what do you suggest? And then we got up, went to another room and there were likes one more, Damn did you take everything off. She did, yeah, not my shirt and my jacket and shit, but yeah, she fucking ripped my pants off and all that, yeah.

Carlos:

Wait, did you have to show cash before or after? Or if you didn't pay, they'd just fuck you up.

Ryan :

Oh, no, before, Before Okay.

Carlos:

Didn't you say, they were like fucking ginormous tooth?

Ryan :

They were big bitches. Yeah, Like tall, Like tall, yeah they were. So you see, were they trans Probably like 6'4", 6'5". God damn, they were fucking they were tall.

Carlos:

Did they have an Adam's apple?

Ryan :

They were not.

Kyle :

no, Yo, you think it might have been a dude in there. That's a big bitch, that's a big fucking dude. Yeah, were they just in heels or were they flat foot on the ground? No, even with the heels. They were like almost seven, like probably like six, eight, six and a half what the fuck are you?

Ryan :

doing Brock Lesnar, not Brock Lesnar, no Holy shit dude.

Kyle :

Yeah, they both asked me this You're kind of short.

Ryan :

I said I'm a short king baby.

Kyle :

Short king baby Short.

Carlos:

You told him. He said say whatever you want, but I couldn't act on that? Oh, you didn't produce.

Ryan :

Fuck no.

Carlos:

So you just paid, I had a good time that's what I'm saying.

Ryan :

Wait, wait, what I had a good time. If.

Carlos:

I'm paying $700, and what happened?

Ryan :

I fucked both of them. Did you Somewhat? Yeah, that's where I'm lost at what do you?

Carlos:

mean, you got limp.

Ryan :

My dick didn't work.

Carlos:

Were you shy.

Ryan :

A little nervous, a little intimidated. I was like holy fuck, because I talk a lot of shit.

Carlos:

But then it happened and you were like oh fuck, and then it happened and I was like I can handle that much ass.

Ryan :

Then it happened and I was like oh fuck.

Kyle :

Bro, if they had that much ass and they were that fucking tall.

Carlos:

They probably played for the Jaguars up there in Duval.

Kyle :

Yeah, you had some linebacker bitches in there.

Ryan :

They wouldn't fucking husk you like that, though they're just tall as shit, they're lean. Tall as shit, big tits, big butt.

Kyle :

Black, white, hispanic, hispanic they were Hispanic Double whammy.

Carlos:

Ooh Carlos is a fan of that Hispanics, yeah, why?

Kyle :

Because I'm Hispanic, you like big butts Well your wife is also Hispanic.

Carlos:

Why do you have to bring my baby into this? I was just saying I feel like that conversation should not go hand in hand. That's a huge 360 there, bud.

Kyle :

You like Hispanics?

Ryan :

Yeah.

Kyle :

I think they're fucking gross.

Ryan :

I want a Hispanic, I want a Latino.

Carlos:

If anyone would come up to Kyle, I don't think he would call him gross, I don't know, but the him gross, I don't know, but the thing is I feel like you've been approached before, but you just by who?

Ryan :

The one that got away by Hemoths Dude, the same one as St Augustine? The one that got away?

Carlos:

Yeah.

Ryan :

Oh, my God yeah.

Carlos:

That's a whole other story.

Kyle :

Yeah, I don't even remember what the fuck she looks like, I just remember I fucking loved her.

Carlos:

She was your kind of girl Apparently. You were in there like swimwear. I remember them saying that she was like goth. No, she was like nerdy Goth, nerdy chick. She was not goth. She was like goth and nerdy. She was not goth.

Kyle :

She wore glasses. Yeah, she had like the weird, like nerdy, like Jeffrey Dahmer type glasses on.

Carlos:

You do like them toxics. No, kyle wants a bitch. No, he doesn't, he wants a bitch.

Ryan :

He wants to be the bitch. No, he wants a fucking psychotic cunt.

Carlos:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Kyle :

To put him in his fucking place. I don't know if I want them to put me in my place, but I feel like they have. They just got more going on. They have their own life to worry about.

Carlos:

They're not always on my fucking jock, they have to be better than you, better than me. Like doing better off in life.

Kyle :

No woman is better than me. Whoa Well, there you have it. There you have it, folks. No dude, I want the like just fucking do your own thing and then we fuck whenever we want to.

Carlos:

I don't think that's how relationships work. No, I don't think that is. I don't know if I've ever had a relationship, maybe at first.

Kyle :

I don't think I've ever had a relationship. Oh my God.

Carlos:

All right, you never dated anybody before.

Kyle :

I have, I've never. I don't think high school relationships count like that, though they're not like real long term, unless they turn into something after.

Carlos:

Did you go to?

Kyle :

prom by yourself. No, I went to my junior and senior prom.

Ryan :

I'm sorry, you said by yourself, by myself.

Carlos:

Fuck no.

Ryan :

Or were you with a group of boys.

Kyle :

I was with a fucking group of dogs, but I also had a date both years and you picked them up.

Carlos:

They picked you up what happened.

Kyle :

But you know what's funny? I was a junior and I was young for my grade, so I couldn't drive. I didn't have a license. So my girlfriend at the time who I took to prom she was a year younger than me but she could drive already- so she was picking me up in her car, did she?

Carlos:

put like the corsage on you.

Kyle :

She picked me up in the car and then we like met up with my boys and then we all went out and she was a fucking dumb cunt the whole time. Dude, we go to like a nice restaurant damn, like some nice restaurant for prom. Whatever I order her like a 40 entree, holy she takes two bites and then is full.

Kyle :

And that started the night off and I was pissed the whole night. So the whole time at prom I was just like dancing with her angrily, grinding against her angrily. I was just like fuck this bitch.

Ryan :

Oh my God, why did you take her the next year then?

Kyle :

I didn't take the same chick, but we all get dropped off. She takes me home and, uh, I'm going to get out of the car and she's like, do you want me to like come in? And I was like no, my grandparents are here.

Carlos:

And then I just left, I just went in you know that that was her trying to get in there. She wanted to fuck and you were like no, we have had fucked before.

Kyle :

I lost my virginity to her, shout out her. But I was like bro after dude, the fucking whole food thing like. That threw you off, Sent me for a fucking whirlpool dude.

Carlos:

I was like Maybe she wasn't hungry, maybe not, and you judged her off that. Maybe she was hungry for you.

Ryan :

She just wanted that Kyle.

Carlos:

Yeah, kyle.

Kyle :

Yeah, but I don't know that fucking made me so mad. What was it? What did?

Carlos:

she order. That was $40?. It was like noodles or something, some weird pasta $40 noodles, like pasta dish.

Kyle :

It was a nice fucking restaurant, I'm telling you, oh geez man.

Ryan :

Growing up nice dude.

Kyle :

And then she wanted to come in and I said no, you rejected her. I did. I said I didn't appreciate the way you treated me tonight. Bye, Kyle, what dude 100,000%.

Ryan :

See you saying something like that.

Carlos:

Yeah, I don't put it past you, not at all. Kyle, kyle, kyle, anyways.

Kyle :

It's just like dude, you need to fucking know how to conduct yourself around other people. You know? Are you talking to yourself right now? I think so. Probably I can't. I don't know, man, my whole fucking Jesus.

Carlos:

We're just talking about Kyle's non-existent love life.

Ryan :

We're striking a nerve with this motherfucker.

Carlos:

Yeah dude, what have you been going through, man? Have you been lonely?

Kyle :

I don't feel lonely, but I think very deep, deep down I am. I dream about stuff all the time, about like being with other people like just friends or what you do have like very vivid dreams very.

Kyle :

Yeah, right now I'm going through a fucking. I remember all my dreams. I was trying to have sex with a lady the other day in my dream. How'd it go? Not good, I don't think did you reject them in your own dream. No, they didn't want it. So I was like but I was telling ryan the other day the ones where you know you're in a dream and you're like yo, I just fucking do it, you can control it, you can control it.

Kyle :

I can control the situation. I can make it happen if I want to.

Carlos:

But you have a decision to make.

Kyle :

Yeah, jesus, it also might. I just haven't. I'm fucking on SR, I'm not coming at all. Yeah, that will do something to you there. Yeah, so I think I'm just like overly fucking sexual right now.

Carlos:

Yeah, you're looking at me very menacingly, so You're just overly aroused right now. I you're looking at me very menacingly, so I'm a little uncomfortable right now I am.

Ryan :

You do also have a fat gas on the top of your head right now.

Kyle :

Yeah, I fucking sliced my shit open. Yeah, dude, you gotta In the shower.

Carlos:

Was that self-inflicted or did you mean to do that?

Kyle :

I don't know I fucking accidentally did it. I heard the fucking thing, the loofah rip against my skin and I was like it stung a little bit. But I was like I might like this.

Carlos:

You like the feeling of it, you gotta fucking like the pain you like to be able to feel something.

Kyle :

Yeah, I don't think I could get into a bitch like spanking me or putting me in a new cage, though I can see it, I don't know. That'd be a big cage. That's what I was about to say.

Carlos:

It'd be a big fucking cage, you gotta go to the flea market to buy that kind of cage.

Kyle :

It'd be a fucking pterodactyl cage.

Carlos:

They gotta weld that shit together.

Kyle :

Are you gonna take fucking like a whip to your ass? No For a lady. I don't prefer that For a big ass lady in leather.

Carlos:

No.

Ryan :

Like Nor Like Rasputia.

Kyle :

Oh, rasputia, you ever seen Norbit? I love Norbit. That movie's so fucking funny. Norbit, she said it's science, my titty her titty's honking the wheel.

Carlos:

She's like this guy's tighter.

Kyle :

It's not science. Yeah Well, we're back boys, we're back episode three.

Carlos:

I don't know man, I'm having a couple drinks, we're back boys we're back Episode three.

Kyle :

I don't know man, I'm having a couple drinks.

Carlos:

I'm feeling loose. You're in your feelings right now. Kyle, any women that think they can take a Kyle on you know.

Ryan :

Good luck. Shoot us an email.

Carlos:

Whatever email we're about to give out. Yeah, good luck.

Kyle :

Newest lows at Gmail.

Carlos:

Yeah, newest lows at Gmail. You know what?

Kyle :

we would any listeners out there, any questions? Anything you want to know, Send us an email.

Carlos:

Any topic you want to bring up. Dude, send us anything.

Kyle :

Send us an email, any video, any, if there's any fucking hot ladies out there, send me your tits Please, pause, pause. I won't show Carlos. I won't show Eric. They have a wife and a girlfriend. Me and Ryan will greatly appreciate that.

Carlos:

Greatly appreciate that. Well, 100,000% I'm glad you made that apparent. Yep, all right, also rate us on Spotify, apple Podcasts. We're on all your streaming platforms.

Ryan :

YouTube's in the works right now.

Carlos:

Yeah, we do have a Q&A on Spotify also. If you pull up the audio there's a Q&A on the bottom of it. You can type in anything and I guess we'll see it, Dude.

Kyle :

you can tell his like salesman voice is kicking his person is kicking in this guy.

Ryan :

All right, so this is Carlos, keep going follow us on Instagram at newest lows right shout out. The Instagram shout out.

Carlos:

IG. We don't have a Facebook yet.

Kyle :

Ryan's supposed to be on that he said last time but I don't think he said I don't think that's the type of audience.

Carlos:

we want nope, nope, um, already mentioned the Q&A on Spotify, but, uh, send us any of your anything. You want us to watch Any funny videos or react videos or anything we can give advice. We can give advice to people.

Kyle :

Yeah, I think Ryan gives the best advice.

Ryan :

I do Out of anybody here. Nobody likes to fucking listen to me though, if you have a hard, decision to make soon.

Kyle :

Shoot us an email.

Carlos:

Ask Ryan, ask Ryan, ask Ryan. I'm right here right now. Buddy, we do appreciate all the listeners, though we got two in Germany still.

Kyle :

Has that expanded? Three, three, okay, and then the UK Three in Germany and the UK.

Carlos:

Okay, we can see the map of all of you guys Shout out to all the people.

Ryan :

We're about to take Germany over.

Carlos:

We're about to break 100. Almost there, buddy Downloads. So.

Kyle :

Yeah, like we said, we didn't think we were going to get fucking one.

Ryan :

We just wanted one comment and one view from the beginning At the end of the day, we're just hanging out and talking, so you know. We all had a besides Eric. We all had a long work week. Eric had a nice chill week this week.

Carlos:

Todd is a fucking motherfucker right now, Dude, I would walk out and I would just start sweating my ass. I'm like this is terrible Sweating your ass. Sweating my ass off.

Ryan :

There you go. You said, sweating my ass.

Carlos:

Sweating from my ass.

Ryan :

Hell yeah, I can see it with those jorts.

Kyle :

You do wear the wildest fucking shit. What do you mean? They're like weird Chino fucking shorts.

Ryan :

Are they Echo?

Carlos:

They're not Echo, they're Magellan, they echo, they're not echo, they're magellan, magellan at least I don't fucking wear my work uniform, for I mean, how many hours are we at?

Kyle :

yeah, ryan, how many days in a row have you worn the same pants not?

Carlos:

only have you worn that outfit since 7 am this morning. You've also worn those pants every day of the week.

Ryan :

Well, these are my last pair of pants. I'm not fucking buying $25 pair of pants.

Carlos:

Anyone that can donate 2525.

Kyle :

We're trying to get Ryan a new pair of pants. Ryan just needs a new pair of pants.

Carlos:

I'm tired of staring at his dick. They have a hole in them, Although it is very easy to look at. I'm not trying to.

Kyle :

Your dick is pretty soft on the eyes. I'll tell you that it looks smooth.

Carlos:

It is smooth, buddy. I'm sure you know when it works. I've never touched it, but Kyle might have. No, I haven't touched your fucking dick. You do touch a lot of people's dicks.

Ryan :

I like girls. Oh yeah, kyle was trying to say we kissed last time.

Carlos:

No, you were just Yelling slander the entire time. Slander, slander, my name, you can't. You can't call Ryan.

Kyle :

I don't like that. What are we talking about? About, bro, do you like hot cheetos? Yeah, they're trying to ban them.

Carlos:

I bet, dude I used to fucking. I used to put like a whole ass lime in a hot cheeto bag like the big ones, and I would just puke my guts out as soon as I finished it, jesus christ, you smashed the whole bag, the whole bag, the whole fucking, yeah, I was like in middle school and it was just like the thing to do, like it was so good, but I would just puke straight red vomit.

Kyle :

You'd probably burn, so bad coming out too it was terrible.

Carlos:

You know how they say bananas taste better going out than going in.

Ryan :

Who says that? I have never heard that before? What the fuck? Who the fuck says that?

Carlos:

Out of your throat. What the fuck are you talking about? I gotta explain myself here. If you eat a banana and you throw it up, it tastes the same, don't it? I've never thrown up a banana before. I don't think I've ever thrown up a banana either. No, Actually.

Ryan :

No, I have. I have with you, but it was in the smoothie.

Kyle :

It was in the smoothie, it was in the smoothie. Remember.

Ryan :

When. I got fucked up, I got fucked up that one night and we were out of town, yeah yeah, yeah.

Carlos:

So we were out of town. It was Trinity, it was Trinity. We were all out of town. We were doing those sidewalks and curbs and shit and damn dude, that sounded really wrong. But this guy ate a pizza Lunchable and a strawberry smoothie.

Ryan :

Strawberry banana smoothie Puking by 11 o'clock in the morning.

Carlos:

You were puking a lot that day. You Hungover as fuck too.

Ryan :

That's when I sleptwalked into Eric's room thinking it was my room.

Carlos:

He did sleepwalk into your room.

Kyle :

After the whole week Eric was like yo this house is fucking haunted, yeah he gave me the big room.

Carlos:

That room was weird, but I took it.

Kyle :

It was comfortable. Wait, I don't understand Hot Cheetos taste. They're my favorite shit. They're good for sure, but you would eat them to the point of puking.

Carlos:

I excessively ate Hot Cheetos.

Kyle :

And I puked it all up.

Ryan :

Are you getting like the family size bag or the party size bag or what is it Probably like?

Carlos:

the party size.

Ryan :

And you're smashing that whole fucking thing.

Carlos:

I'm telling you what.

Kyle :

I can smash a whole party size right now fucking.

Carlos:

Dowsing lime.

Kyle :

You and Eric, you fucking.

Carlos:

Eric put fucking, you know.

Ryan :

Eric's putting hot sauce in his fucking.

Kyle :

Yeah, these fucking minorities over here are putting hot sauce and lime in their fucking hot Cheetos. I don't understand. Never done it Well we grew up differently.

Carlos:

You grew up with name tags on your fucking dinner plate. And that's why we gotta stop the ban.

Kyle :

Yeah, dude. We cannot let them ban. Hot Cheetos Wait they're banning Hot Cheetos. They're trying to. They're trying to.

Ryan :

They're trying to do the same thing with the picture Eric's in Gatorade. It's.

Kyle :

Gatorade, hot Cheetos, lucky Charms and Oreos they're trying to ban right now.

Carlos:

Dude, my daughter loves Lucky Charms Like Well your daughter. Builder immune system.

Kyle :

No, it's like all molecular. They're like fucking arguing. It's like changes your, apparently with the hot Cheetos. It changes your white blood cells. It like mutates them and shit that bad, I don't know.

Ryan :

Down to the DNA, because it's that red dye or whatever the fuck it is they put in there.

Kyle :

It's like the amount of hot.

Carlos:

Cheetos I, astronomical you know we're pretty like, screwed like I think we're fucked yeah, like how so? All the stuff we eat, all the processed shit like, even if we try to eat healthy, that shit's still processed. Yeah, of course we're fucked.

Kyle :

There's not any real long-term my grandma is 100 years old.

Carlos:

There's no way we're seeing 100 my grandpa is 91 there's no way you're seeing even 90.

Kyle :

But that's the thing. All those fucking old fuckers. You see over 100 and they interview them. They're like how'd you live to 112? They're like whiskey and chocolate bars.

Ryan :

I drink Dr Peppers every day and cigarettes, yeah, marble raids.

Kyle :

It's all just genetic type shit.

Ryan :

They're on to something. Then, huh, that's crazy, your grandma's 100. She's born in 1924.

Kyle :

Yeah, holy fuck, dude, you know I'm fucked. You ever seen like a big dog, an old big dog? No, no.

Ryan :

No.

Carlos:

Like a big one.

Ryan :

What about those white people on the beach like in Daytona shit, that are fucking like bronze.

Kyle :

Oh yeah, that's different. Their skin is like leather.

Carlos:

Yeah, because they tan every day. Yeah, there's a lot of In a shop.

Kyle :

There's a lot of bad shit for you, dude. You know what I'm happy about Fucking that we don't live in prohibition, because fuck.

Carlos:

Well, you guys would be on the other side of it. No, prohibition, that's alcohol.

Kyle :

Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of good If I couldn't drink a brew.

Ryan :

That'd be fucked.

Carlos:

Yeah, fuck, I don't know why I associated what you were saying with segregation. I just assumed that out of you, I guess.

Kyle :

No dudes Segregation is bad right.

Ryan :

To an extent, all right, jesus man.

Kyle :

No, but yeah, the hot Cheeto thing. What the fuck else was I thinking about? God damn it. Oh, ryan was asking you guys were talking about being an organ donor.

Ryan :

Yeah, we were talking about that. Yeah, we were talking about that.

Carlos:

We had a good conversation about this yesterday. I had to give you a call because I had a question.

Kyle :

I know I was at the fucking gym, dude, I was getting swole as fuck.

Ryan :

It was like I was telling him that was the question, right.

Carlos:

That was a legitimate question, and I did not know the answer of it.

Kyle :

I didn't know the answer either. I don't think they can do that Because I don't think they're putting real male dicks onto trans.

Carlos:

I feel like once your dick is cut off, it's dead.

Ryan :

That's what we were talking about.

Carlos:

Even if you die, there's nerves.

Kyle :

There's nerves to it.

Ryan :

They can fucking do something Like I'm saying.

Carlos:

I don't think they chop your dick off and put it on to a woman Do you think that's what they're worried about we gotta save something off this guy and they're like maybe there's someone that needs a dick.

Kyle :

But what happens if you got like a Ryan dick and it's a little nub when they fucking? Ay, ay, ay ay when Ryan dies and they go to look at his fucking dick.

Ryan :

Don't take it, dude. It's inside of me. They'll take anything they can get.

Carlos:

They're going to like they're going to bring out a catalog and they're just going to swipe through the pages.

Kyle :

And they're like which one do you want? I think they get fake. They're all just just fake dicks. Or they make their clit oversized, they suck it out and, like, make it big. That's not the same. What do you mean?

Carlos:

It's not the same thing as what we have. No, it's not.

Ryan :

Not at all.

Kyle :

It's not going to be the same, because it's fucking wrong and you shouldn't do it, so all in all, probably not.

Carlos:

then.

Kyle :

If you're an organ donor, you don't think they can mutilate your fucking body like that. Just chop your dick off. What if you sign a form? What if you wanted? Like a naked burial?

Ryan :

for everybody. Could you imagine if there was a naked, open casket? I'm going to do that. Just do a naked one, if I ever die naked, open casket.

Carlos:

I'll hold you to that. I'm going to tell your mom that. Shout out Ryan's mom.

Ryan :

Shout out. Ryan's mom Shout out. My mom would never do that, no.

Kyle :

I'm going to do a sky burial. What's that? They like you die and they just put you on like the tallest hill around you, and then they let the birds eat you, so like if you died over here, where would they?

Ryan :

put you. That is not a real thing.

Carlos:

Would they take you to Colorado?

Ryan :

Eric, look it up Sky burial. That is not a real fucking thing.

Kyle :

Yes, it is, sounds like it, no.

Ryan :

No.

Kyle :

In Colorado, it would have been better.

Ryan :

They could take you up to a fucking mountain. They could take you up in the mountains and all that shit, or a glacier out there they're going to take you up to the waste management hill over there in fucking Daytona.

Kyle :

Yeah, Florida, there's not too many high hills here. No Skybarrel, skybarrel In which a human corpse is placed on a mountaintop to decompose One of the elements are to be eaten by scavenging animals.

Ryan :

This is what you want, fuck you.

Carlos:

Hell yeah, you want to be eaten. You just want a little bit of affection, bro.

Kyle :

There's vultures.

Carlos:

There's vultures surrounding the body God damn. Oh shit, look at that skeleton.

Ryan :

So what happens when there's no meat left and there's just bones.

Kyle :

Go back into the earth. Man Just stay there.

Carlos:

Is that legal? I feel like that shouldn't be legal. I don't think that's why.

Kyle :

It's my fucking dying wish. Why can't I do?

Ryan :

that. That is true, that is true.

Kyle :

You can burn somebody and then put their ashes into the fucking ocean. I did that with my dad. Way to make it sad. No, it's not sad.

Ryan :

No, we cremated my dad. I was fucking four years old.

Carlos:

They threw him in the ocean. We threw him in New Smyrna Beach, nsb.

Ryan :

NSB, me and my brother and sister dumped him in the ocean.

Kyle :

I don't know. He should have gone to the Caribbean or something. That's a fucking.

Ryan :

Do you think we have money to go to the Caribbean, Kyle?

Carlos:

They went to New Smyrna Beach dude. They were right next to people, just yeah, I go there all the time they're fishing for sharks.

Ryan :

You might as well.

Carlos:

How far did you go offshore? Was it just like right there on the shoreline?

Ryan :

I told you I don't have a good memory from those times.

Carlos:

I just remember that?

Kyle :

Do you ever?

Ryan :

like walk into the beach and, just like you, just take a sniff Dude. When I was in college for comp one, that was the end of the year essay.

Kyle :

I tried to write an essay about spreading your dad's ashes.

Ryan :

They couldn't read your handwriting.

Carlos:

That's why.

Kyle :

Well, it was on a computer.

Ryan :

It was on a computer.

Kyle :

It was on a computer.

Carlos:

I had to type it on a Word document and shit, yeah, you didn't finish in time.

Ryan :

Yeah, I got like a D minus on that essay or whatever it was.

Kyle :

Was it font 12 times New Roman.

Carlos:

To be the teacher to give you your dad's ashes At the beach.

Kyle :

How fucked up is that teacher? He's like this dude. This little kid is spilling his heart On this page.

Ryan :

This is fucked up. I don't even remember that went. I don't even remember his fucking ass.

Kyle :

A paper about a dead dad and she gives it a fucking D.

Ryan :

That was a dude. That was an older dude. Oh, what a dickhead. It was an older dude. He was like I should have gave him an F.

Kyle :

He said my dad's dead too. Fuck this dude.

Carlos:

He's like I burned my dad.

Kyle :

Yeah, god damn.

Carlos:

You tried to write an essay About something that happened when you were four yeah, was it like an essay About, like, the most traumatic Thing you've been through, or what?

Ryan :

Yeah, essentially yeah, Something like that.

Carlos:

Jesus.

Kyle :

What type of fucking writing class were you?

Ryan :

in.

Kyle :

Comp 1. Then you tell me about the worst time in your life. It's like well.

Ryan :

I don't remember it, but I can ask my mom and she can help me out a little bit.

Carlos:

Let's call her right now.

Ryan :

My mom.

Carlos:

No, I'm just kidding, don't call your mom.

Ryan :

I'm not calling my mom, she's probably on a date with her boyfriend, right now.

Carlos:

It would be pretty cool.

Kyle :

You sound jealous we do. We're going to have to get some people in here. Wait, your mom's got a boyfriend now.

Ryan :

She's had a boyfriend. Shit, she's had a boyfriend.

Carlos:

Is he a good guy? I haven't met him yet. You haven't met your.

Kyle :

It sounds so weird like an old person. Your mom's not old, but like middle-aged. My mom's yeah, they're like oh, that's my new boyfriend.

Ryan :

I think my mom's 50. She's 57.

Kyle :

Yeah, she's 57. And she's got a boyfriend.

Carlos:

This is kind of weird. How old is her boyfriend, do you think? I think he's like 60. Nice, nice, so why?

Kyle :

Because your mom's well, she does her own thing, she's good.

Carlos:

What if you just start calling him dad? I haven't even met the fucker yet. Yeah but the first time you meet him, just go, hey dad.

Ryan :

No no.

Carlos:

Dad, is that you? Are you my dad?

Kyle :

That's what.

Carlos:

I was doing.

Ryan :

You know too.

Carlos:

Has your mom ever had a boyfriend growing up? Kind of, but not really Exactly.

Ryan :

Exactly. It's weird now 24.

Carlos:

This is my mom's first boyfriend. I'm sure it's not her first boyfriend.

Kyle :

Just the first one she's told you about maybe.

Ryan :

She didn't even tell me.

Kyle :

My brother told me about it, then you know she's had others.

Carlos:

Your brother's like she has'm not gonna talk about it, About your mom. I got more respect for her Than I do you.

Kyle :

You've never even met her dude. No, I can't. I say that to my stepdad all the time, like you're not my fucking dad.

Carlos:

But you call him dad. He probably loves that shit though. Oh yeah, he probably.

Kyle :

He loves that shit. Yeah, we fucking Touched bare nuts to each other's Thing. Yeah what? Yeah, we fucking Touched bare nuts To each other's Thing. Yeah what Me and my stepdad Went sack to sack. We drank my mom's Breast milk when I was 22.

Carlos:

So you call him daddy.

Kyle :

Say Jeff no he called him DJ.

Ryan :

DJ.

Kyle :

DJ, dj.

Carlos:

Daddy Jeff, daddy Jeff. I was just trying to name drop but he already named dropped. Yeah, jeffrey, daddy Jeff. Damn Daddy Jeff, daddy Jeff. I was trying to name drop, but he already named dropped. Yeah, jeffrey, daddy F Damn Daddy, jeff is sick dude.

Kyle :

Shout out Jeff Hefe, he changed my brakes before Did he show you how to be a man.

Ryan :

He also rashly strapped your box spring down and told you not to go on the highway.

Carlos:

Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, you had a whole ass mattress. Fly off your truck.

Kyle :

There's a box spring, dude, they're light the wind.

Carlos:

And you just kept going.

Kyle :

The wind took it off the top of my car.

Carlos:

Did you notice when it flew off?

Kyle :

Yeah, I could hear it fucking scraping against the top of my truck. That boy was just like I said, oh no, and I had the ratchet straps that were on it and they, like, went below the truck. So I thought like I was like these are going to get wrapped up in the fucking axle.

Carlos:

Like underneath the truck. Fuck my whole shit. Yeah, oh shit.

Kyle :

But I kept driving and there was a Dodge Durango that pulled up beside me and I could tell they rolled down the window and they were like saying something to me and I did not look you just looking, I looked straight forward. I was like I didn't do that. That wasn't me, so what'd?

Ryan :

you. What'd you do, though? Do you get off of the exit?

Kyle :

I was freaking the fuck out do you get off and go? Over, took the ratchet straps and just kept going. And then I was googling. I was like am I liable for any damages from my property that's in the middle of the highway? Not, if you don't get caught. The most dangerous highway in America, i-4.

Carlos:

That's the worst part of I-4, right there.

Kyle :

Bro, it's like a 30 minute drive home, drive all the way home and I was like Freaking myself out Like fuck, I'm gonna get fucking arrested for this. They're gonna find me.

Carlos:

They're gonna hear it.

Kyle :

They'll hear it one day. So I got back onto I-4 Allegedly 30 minutes, got off, got back 30 minutes, got off, got back on the other way and it was gone.

Carlos:

Wait, so we? Okay, never mind, I was going to ask you where you're going to and from my parents' house To yours. Yeah, oh, no, I think it was 95.

Ryan :

It wasn't 94, it was 95.

Carlos:

Yeah, it was 95.

Ryan :

Yeah, 95.

Kyle :

Yeah, that's all right, 95 is 95. And I was like dude Watch it.

Carlos:

take 95.

Kyle :

And I never told my parents about it, because Jeff had specifically told me not to take the highway.

Ryan :

You could take US 1 back and I did it immediately.

Carlos:

Dude it would take forever to go that way.

Ryan :

Go the US 1 way.

Carlos:

Hell yeah.

Kyle :

But it was like never told them. And then they finally came over and checked out the apartment and I had to fucking buy a brand new box spring To cover up yeah, because it couldn't just be my mattress on the ground. They would ask questions. Fuck, oh God.

Carlos:

Damn.

Kyle :

I gotta take a piss. Can we hit pause on?

Ryan :

this yeah, I gotta take a piss, take a quick break.

Kyle :

Now we're playing back again. Are we back? Alright, back from break? We all had to rock piss pretty hard. Grab a couple beers. I had to piss out of my fucking fat schlonger. Whatever you say, buddy, yeah, I wouldn't have stood. If you don't believe me, man, I'll fucking slap you across the face with that. I swear to God.

Carlos:

Would you take that?

Ryan :

I would knock Kyle out in one punch.

Kyle :

That you take that I would knock Kyle out in one punch. What do I always tell you? I say you better knock me out in one punch, Because one's all you're getting buddy.

Carlos:

If anyone were to knock you out, kyle, where do you think they would need to hit you, like on your face?

Ryan :

I'm hitting him in his chin On my face. I'm hitting him straight in the chin.

Carlos:

If you hit him in the nose it would just break, but it's big enough.

Ryan :

His nose is taking the majority of that punch.

Carlos:

Chin.

Ryan :

No, his nose, that's a fat nose. Yeah, I've broken my nose before.

Carlos:

No, I'm saying you've got to hit him in the chin then yeah, uppercut.

Kyle :

Break my jaw, but I'm telling you you better knock me out.

Ryan :

I'm going to.

Kyle :

Because if it doesn't, you know what happens. We've wrestled before, not in a gay sexual way.

Ryan :

I am 0-4. In a fucking manly hardcore. No, we've had a couple beers talking shit and we've wrestled yeah.

Kyle :

Yeah, we've all wrestled. We wrestled at our old co-worker's wedding.

Ryan :

What happened when me and you wrestled Carlos?

Kyle :

Oh yeah, you guys wrestled too you beat me, you caught me off guard. I don't think so. I videotaped it Hips. Hips, hips, you guys are about to roll into a fucking shed.

Carlos:

Yeah, we needed someone to be able to tell us when we were out of bounds. It was like fucking 2 am.

Kyle :

Yeah, it was late at night. It was late as fuck Airbnb.

Carlos:

We were like let's wrestle, as bad as that sounds.

Kyle :

No.

Carlos:

I mean, I was like I wrestled and I was like all right, well, let's go wrestle. And then we went outside.

Kyle :

It is crazy, ryan only had what did you?

Ryan :

seventh and eighth grade. No, like fifth, like four years, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth.

Kyle :

Four years of wrestling.

Ryan :

This is the first time I've heard about fifth and sixth grade. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I swear to God, like the little, like real wrestling, and it's crazy what you could do to carlos, who has never. Yeah, I was not prepared for that. You know what's funny, dude, my first ever wrestling tournament.

Carlos:

I didn't even know about a singlet. I showed up in gym shorts and a white tee and then they threw you in a singlet after no, I wrestled in the tournament.

Ryan :

And those guys because kyle, you wrestled too. Yeah, you wrestled. I said I just took my shirt in all through middle school.

Carlos:

Yeah, a little bit of college wrestling on your belt, semester college. But when you see those kids at a tournament I've never wrestled, but you know, when I go to my nephews when you see those kids in a gym shorts and a- t-shirt you're like come on man it's the same with those um those cheap like fit 40 black asics from walmart all the scrubs? Yeah, they all have donated.

Kyle :

They all have the same shoes. You're like yo got this fucker.

Carlos:

If you're wearing decent shoes, that's game over. That's game over when.

Kyle :

I signed up in seventh grade. I thought it was big in the WWE, Didn't know what wrestling was.

Ryan :

I thought it was WWE. It's not like that at all. He thought it was a fake wrestling.

Kyle :

I thought it was pro wrestling. I thought I was going to be fucking John Cena walking out with the fucking belt. No, it's not the same. No, we were doing like push-ups and sprinting and shit.

Ryan :

All we were doing in fucking middle school was fucking. We had to run two miles before every practice, eight laps around the baseball field and football field, and then we were doing burpees, just doing straight burpees.

Kyle :

That's not what Kyle?

Carlos:

signed up for I'm not expecting to wear a Speedo and go out and smash two drinks against each other and pour them on his face. Bro, it is what I thought.

Kyle :

I fucking hated wrestling the whole time.

Carlos:

But you did it for a while.

Kyle :

I did it all through high school and into college. Yeah, it was like I did not like it, but I was just good at it.

Ryan :

Were you a state placer.

Kyle :

Yeah, I placed third. 220 pounds 5A Colorado my senior year 220. 220 pounds, 5a Colorado my senior year, 220.

Ryan :

What were you at junior?

Kyle :

year I didn't qualify for state's junior year Made the regionals Should have. Everybody goes to regionals. You got to place top four in regionals to make it to state. Senior year, Senior year Took third at state. Yeah.

Carlos:

Okay, what held you back? I'm a nasty fucker bro. You know what held me back.

Ryan :

What's that bud? What's his fucking name? Colton Schultz, Colton Schultz. What's his fucking name?

Kyle :

ASU heavyweight Bro, I was just looking at the Olympic trials for wrestling this weekend. Start tomorrow. He's number one in Greco. Get the fuck out of here, colton Schultz. Colton Schultz he's a current ASU heavyweight for college, but he's a Greco world champion.

Carlos:

God damn.

Ryan :

Because you said Look up Colton Schultz, look it up. What did you say? You said you were a senior, he was a freshman.

Kyle :

I was a senior, he was a freshman and it was an at-home duel, so it was a duel at our school. You were a senior and he was a freshman. It was a duel at our school and he comes in from. He went to our rival school and he was fucking. He was riding my shit. This is no wrestling, just search Olympic Trials Wrestling Greco.

Carlos:

Put Olympic Wrestling Colton Schultz. See if.

Kyle :

There you go, but do Greco G-R-E-C-O. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking, I tried to wrestle.

Ryan :

Greco G-R-E-C-O. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking I tried to wrestle with Greco. It sucks, it's different.

Carlos:

Bro, but.

Kyle :

I'm telling you. He came in, he was a freshman and he was fucking me up and the entire crowd Just started chanting he's a Top left, top left. That's him on the right there.

Ryan :

God damn.

Kyle :

He's a unit. He was a. Yeah, I think he was a heavyweight, super heavyweight.

Carlos:

Did he pin you? He probably looked the same back then too.

Kyle :

He pinned me, he pinned you. I got pinned my senior year from this dude Only pinned In the first quarter, second, second. Damn Damn Bro. He fucked me up and they just started chanting.

Ryan :

He's a freshman. What is he at ASU? What is he at ASU? Is he a national champion Heavyweight? Nah, nah, nah, I think he's past that.

Carlos:

At that point.

Kyle :

Nah, I think he took Fourth or fifth this year. But Greco, he's nasty as fuck, dude, that's just when you grab him, yeah.

Ryan :

That's all you're doing. All upper body. That's all you're doing.

Kyle :

I felt the power of that man and I don't think I've ever felt power like that before.

Carlos:

Did he get you bricked up?

Kyle :

No, I did not get hard. I wrestled a girl one time and I did not get hard.

Ryan :

I wrestled a girl too in middle school.

Kyle :

Well, girls are your weight.

Ryan :

How much?

Carlos:

did you wrestle at in middle school?

Ryan :

My seventh grade, year 90? Jesus Christ, 90 or 95? One of the two.

Carlos:

Yeah, you got a couple girls in the mix.

Ryan :

No, yeah, what was my seventh grade year? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I wrestled like 95 for wrestle-offs.

Kyle :

Yeah, that's every girl. I wrestled a girl in high school at 220 pounds, shut the fuck up, fuck up.

Ryan :

No, the fuck you did not.

Kyle :

One girl my entire high school career. My entire wrestling career.

Carlos:

One girl.

Kyle :

Was she good? Did you beat her? No, you know what she kind of looked like. She kind of looked like Carla.

Carlos:

Stop you. Yeah, dude, handsome. Yeah, looked like a fucking goomba yeah Mexican. She was a Mexican.

Kyle :

Hell yeah, oh, you beat her. Fuck yeah, dude, obviously Fucking, riding her on top of her. Say my God.

Ryan :

I say you're so soft. So what happened when wrestling in college, kyle? What happened?

Kyle :

to that. Oh fuck that shit. What happened to that? That shit sucked. Was it tough.

Carlos:

Was it just like a tough schedule?

Ryan :

Who did you say wrestled at the college that you wrestled at Big?

Kyle :

name.

Ryan :

Shane Carwin, shane Carwin, big guy.

Kyle :

UFC heavyweight back in the day Almost beat Brock Lesnar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carlos:

He was a D2. He was a.

Kyle :

D2 school in the fucking in Gunnison Colorado. It was fucked.

Carlos:

That sounds like it's like that's a terrible place to be. It was hell, dude. It was just all about wrestling.

Kyle :

It was just like fucking 6 am lift, then you go to class, then it's practice after.

Ryan :

Yeah.

Kyle :

Immediately after class and they're like three-hour practices and they're fucked up.

Ryan :

They're brutal. Like you thought high school, you think high school is bad it is D2.

Kyle :

Not even yeah. High school was bad. It was D2.

Ryan :

Not even yeah, and it fucking sucked it's not easy and I just stopped showing up to Dude. Imagine what they're going through at Penn State right now.

Kyle :

That's what I'm saying. I just stopped showing up to lifts and practice and then I made sure nobody ever saw me again from that wrestling team.

Carlos:

They're like where's Kyle? Did you Because?

Kyle :

I was just like a walk-on. I just like walked on.

Ryan :

How'd you end up landing? How'd you end up going?

Kyle :

there, my college or my high school coach knows or knew the college coach for that college and it was like bro, it's like up in the mountains is a tiny school and it's like all these people who are like outdoorsy type dudes hunting fish. I fucking hate all that shit. So I was just playing fucking zombies Call of Duty zombies in my dorm, not going to class. It's like fuck it.

Carlos:

Did you live by yourself or did you have roommates?

Ryan :

Oh you did have that roommate. Oh fuck, I forgot about this guy.

Kyle :

I did. I didn't have a roommate, but I yeah, let's, let's wrap this up actually.

Carlos:

All right. Well, I guess we'll save that for the next one.

Kyle :

Yeah, we can save that one. It's a little fucking that's golden.

Ryan :

that's golden right there. That's golden, dude, that's golden. We've already given the fucking consumers a a little too much. What did you say last time? You said, dude, the fans are clamoring.

Kyle :

They're clamoring dude. They're clamoring dude.

Carlos:

We do have to save the story, but we gotta keep them biting at the nip dude.

Kyle :

Yeah, just nibbling, just nibbling at my tit, really nibbling. Yes, dude, alright, well, but again we got Spotify. Yup, everywhere, Spotify Apple.

Carlos:

Music. Rate us, send us questions.

Ryan :

Rate us, send us videos. Do the Q&A on Spotify. There's a Q&A on Spotify.

Kyle :

Hit us up on the Gmail at newestlows. Newestlows at gmailcom.

Ryan :

Negatives, positive. Whatever you got to say, fucking say it.

Carlos:

If you want to give us one star, please do it. It'll add to the count.

Kyle :

Don't do that, though. If you don't like it, just give us at least two.

Carlos:

if you don't like us Three.

Kyle :

Three Dude, yeah three All right, I'll take three.

Carlos:

I'll take three Because even if you're going on a one, to five scale of beauty like a hot chick.

Kyle :

They'd have to be fugly as hell to be a one star.

Ryan :

Hell yeah, 100%.

Kyle :

Give us three at least, if you don't like it. Brittany Griner is a one, and if you don't like it, britney, Grinder is a one, and if you don't like it, give us three stars and then tell us how much you don't like Ryan, yeah please. Why would nobody like? Why would?

Carlos:

they? Can you guys tell us how much you don't like Ryan, and then Ryan can plead his case, please? That would be awesome actually, I don't like Ryan because he has worn the same clothes for 15 hours.

Kyle :

If you don't like me, fucking, say it, fuck off. Tell it to my face. Tell all of our listeners to fuck off. Alright, we're gone Bye.