Episode 3: The one that got away..

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever threw up eating hot Cheetos? Unravel the origin story of Kyle and how the hardships might make you a better person. Ryan lets loose and exposes how the strip club might not be the best option when nervous. 

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Transcript

Kyle 0:10

are we live right now. We're on the air, on the fucking airwaves. Here we are back again, bike again the fucking the trio episode, three episode, I think, yeah, this is technically episode 3, it is fuck man, we're fucking upgrading over here.

Ryan 0:29

We're making big upgrades we're making moves very quickly.

Kyle 0:32

We're making boss moves the fucking tens of listeners we have are giving us so much money to put back into this fucking project we got a couple of companies in the ad works there yep back into this production.

Carlos 0:45

Maybe next episode we'll have a couple sponsors.

Kyle 0:48

Yeah, I don't know. We're testing out on this one video, so you might not see it, probably won't see it, but yeah, that's that. Yeah, they'll see that. What the fuck is up, dude? What's up, man? You said your wife just won an award.

Carlos 1:04

She did win an award.

Ryan 1:09

She won manager of the quarter, hell yeah, so there's four of those a year.

Carlos 1:11

Four of those a year, and she was one of them. Fuck yeah, dude.

Ryan 1:15

Yeah, what happens if she goes four for four?

Carlos 1:17

She won't. They don't allow that. Yeah, I don't think they have rules, unlike our company, anyways.

Kyle 1:25

Yeah, I mean shit this week fucking sucked.

Ryan 1:29

It is hot as a motherfucker. It's hot as shit. It's pretty hot out there.

Kyle 1:34

Summer's coming back. It fucking sucks. The only time it doesn't suck is when you're at the beach or at the pool. You got some shades on. You got a bucket hat on.

Ryan 1:43

Drinking a beer.

Kyle 1:43

Drinking fucking beers, margaritaville, all goddamn day. Some twisted teas, yeah that's a lot, a little sugary.

Carlos 1:52

They fuck me up pretty bad. I do get acid reflux every time I drink a twisted tea.

Kyle 1:55

They make me feel shitty before I feel good and drunk.

Ryan 1:59

Kyle, I have seen you house a 12 pack of teas, a tweeze. You've seen me house like 24 in one day. Hey like 24 in one day and keep drinking beer all fucking day.

Kyle 2:08

Yeah, but you feel shitty about it, like you feel shitty before you feel drunk.

Carlos 2:12

Like are you ashamed or are you just full? Right, wait, are you asking me a question? Yeah, are you ashamed or are you full? Ashamed, or full, yeah, ashamed of what? How many teas you can?

Kyle 2:24

crush. There's a lot of fucking sugar in those things. Yeah, the amount of calories I'm putting down. I had to stop.

Ryan 2:30

I wish I could drink that much.

Carlos 2:32

I can't, I mean you force yourself to Sometimes Puke and rally baby Puke and rally.

Kyle 2:37

Every time me and Ryan go to the beach or hang out over the weekend, every over the weekend, every time it starts out like this oh bro, I'm trying to blow some money tonight. I'm trying to pop the fuck out. Let's go fucking crazy tonight. I'm like all right, we can if you want to, but I know how this is going to end. It's like all right, bud, you know how it ends Him passed out a couple hours later.

Ryan 3:00

In the passenger seat of your truck. Uh-huh Throwing up in the living room, I said dude, we didn't even pop out yet. It's 12 o'clock 12 am or pm. We were sitting at the bar the other weekend and I was fucking it was like four hours already yawning.

Kyle 3:12

I was like oh, fuck Rubbing your eyes, yeah, you talk about popping out so hard and then you just die.

Carlos 3:25

Yeah, weigh like a buck ten, buck 30.

Ryan 3:26

Kyle can literally carry you up the stairs. Did you wake me up the other weekend when I crashed your equipment? The other weekend we went to Razzle and all that.

Kyle 3:31

I woke you up when I heard you fucking gagging on your own throat Damn, you saved your life. And I was like I swear to God he better not be fucking puking on all my shit and I walk out, of course, just puke on my beanbag, say god damn it. You just regurgitated all over his beanbag but you kept like fucking doing it and I was like get the fuck up and go to the bathroom. He's like no. I was like well, go to the sink, then Jesus.

Kyle 3:55

And then nothing came out and then I had ordered McDonald's for myself and he like walks through my room, he's like wait, you got McDonald's. And then immediately goes back and falls asleep.

Carlos 4:08

That sounds about right. Sounds spot on buddy. Chronicles of Ryan and Kyle.

Kyle 4:13

Yeah me just eating fucking 3,000 calories of McDonald's at 3 am. It's a good time. That's why I'm so fucking fat dude. Nobody fucking likes me. You said it, not me. You did say it, you did say it. It's just like I don't know if I'm ever going to find like a woman. I don't think they like me. You don't think they like you. No, I'm like fucking ugly or something.

Carlos 4:38

I think you need to like find a woman that's of your standard.

Kyle 4:43

What does that mean?

Ryan 4:43

find a woman that's of your standard. What does that mean? You tell me, my standards are fucked, your standards are fucked.

Kyle 4:49

Yeah, you want like a fucking, I shoot for the stars. Yeah, it's a great way to put it.

Carlos 4:52

Anything that you fall above is like you're tiptoeing around them, or you just call them a dumb bitch. Yeah, you can't talk to women like that.

Kyle 5:01

I was like I gotta be nicer. Yeah, I gotta be nicer to girls because they like a nicer guy.

Carlos 5:07

Right. The thing is is like whenever a girl talks to you, you shut up like you can't say anything. Yeah, you get scared, you're like oh, they're like hello kyle, and then you go that's not true I mean, that's when I resort to calling them a bitch.

Kyle 5:24

and they're stupid, it's like a defense mechanism.

Carlos 5:27

It's always a defense mechanism 100%.

Kyle 5:29

I'm just negging the fuck out of them.

Carlos 5:31

Are you not comfortable talking to women? I am comfortable talking to women.

Kyle 5:34

That's not what I've seen I mean the ones I want to be talking to I get starstruck. They're so beautiful and amazing. What happened to the? What happened to the one that got away, cal, the one that got away, one got away. The one that got away, dude, yeah, how long ago was that? Now I was like fuck back before covet. And then, right when covet hit, oh, that was a while ago 2019 into 2020. Yeah, bro, I was working at fucking amazon overnight, so like you can imagine the type of people walking around there.

Carlos 6:06

Can't imagine them being. They're like fucking ghouls. Creatures. They're fucking creatures.

Kyle 6:11

Trolls coming from underneath. But then a beautiful angel appeared, bro, big fake tits.

Carlos 6:17

Fake.

Kyle 6:19

Works out a lot. Right up your fucking alley, right up my alley, wow Same shift. We start lot right up your fucking alley, right up my alley, wow same shift. We start talking it's like three months in we're talking, hanging out whatever have sexual relations. Of course I'm not I'm not fucking that type of guy. I like the fuck and it feels good right I got a dick and it works.

Carlos 6:43

So I'm using it right, oh yeah.

Kyle 6:46

Come to find out. So we started talking in probably July. We were supposed to hang out that New Year's Eve, so the 31st Blows me off, don't hear from her Ghost, my ass, oh. And then the next day she's like hey, I got the, can you meet me somewhere? I have like something to tell you. Whoa, and I was like I already knew it. She's pregnant. There were red flags. No, she was. She got engaged. She was engaged To the dude she was living with the entire time.

Ryan 7:16

Nice, you got bamboozled, he got bamboozled.

Kyle 7:20

Yeah, he, yeah. I thought she was the love of my life. She crushed your heart, she killed me. You didn't know. Ego death, I didn't know, but on some level I did. There was red flags but it was like dude. The amount like pussy blinds you. So like so easily. Tunnel vision, buddy, big tits and pussy will blind you.

Carlos 7:45

She just didn't look at the picture on her nightstand.

Kyle 7:48

She told me it was just a friend.

Carlos 7:50

It was a roommate.

Kyle 7:52

It was her long-term boyfriend, who she knew since high school, Wow and apparently they were just going through a rough time and she wanted to fuck.

Carlos 8:00

Was that back in your bodybuilding days?

Kyle 8:02

No, no, no, I was skinnier than I was now, but I wasn't that in shape.

Ryan 8:08

Wow, Damn you were the rebound buddy.

Kyle 8:10

I was.

Ryan 8:11

Somewhat rebound.

Kyle 8:14

I still got my shit wet and I got her shit wet.

Carlos 8:18

Oh, what do you think that her Watch this? Oh, here for Kyle.

Kyle 8:25

Thank you, thank you?

Carlos 8:25

Do you think that he was more handsome than you?

Kyle 8:29

No, but do you know what he was?

Carlos 8:31

A fucking veteran.

Kyle 8:34

Who owns a gun store?

Carlos 8:39

God dang him Wow.

Kyle 8:43

He owned the fucking Dude.

Carlos 8:46

Thank you for that, eric. You disgraced our country.

Kyle 8:48

Dude. I know Well, because we were fucking around After they were already engaged.

Ryan 8:55

So after you guys met up and had a little date, she kept, she kept coming back. Was he overseas at the time?

Kyle 9:00

No, no way. In Denver he owned a. What do you call that when you wrap the cerakote? Or around cars? No, around guns, like a gun wrapping place yeah, like uh so he owns a gun store was a fucking military veteran and I was fucking his wife while she was engaged to him. I was like dude, this dude's gonna fucking kill me yeah, would.

Carlos 9:24

But the pussy is too good Sneak around.

Ryan 9:27

How long was this going on for?

Kyle 9:30

It felt like a lifetime.

Carlos 9:34

He blinked and they were already holding hands.

Kyle 9:36

It was gone, but in reality it was probably like six or seven months. That was about it.

Ryan 9:40

That's not bad though that was about it. That's not bad though that's a while, that's a good little bit. Yeah, How'd you feel after?

Kyle 9:45

Well, it was like three months before she got engaged and then probably like three months after you were the side dude.

Carlos 9:53

That's fucked. Was she older than you?

Kyle 9:55

Yeah, she was like almost 10 years older than me. She was nine and a half years.

Carlos 9:58

Damn, how old were you, I was 22.

Kyle 10:02

Okay, so she was no, no, no, 21. So she was 29. So she was only eight years, not quite 10. That's going cougar hunting, pal. Because, yeah, I knew she had turned 30. She had turned 30 when I was still in Colorado.

Carlos 10:21

It's kind of hard to wrap my head around because I'm 28. She was so hot.

Ryan 10:26

I'm telling you, she just saw a young buck like you, and she said what?

Kyle 10:29

does she go to? Nowadays Shit? I don't get it. She just had a baby, god, because I still have her on fucking Snapchat and she keeps posting fucking and you know what's fucked up, dude, what I see the pictures I'm still like, oh, maybe I still maybe I still have a chance.

Kyle 10:51

Not of the baby, of the. I was like because after I learned how she was like engaged and getting married, I was like dude, I think I could fucking break them up. I think I could get in there and fucking no, you think so, you for sure could yeah, no, you could no, but then that's just fucking. He was way more. He owned a business. He's just more well off.

Carlos 11:08

You think he was way more well off than me.

Kyle 11:10

He'd still be the side dude. You know what's fucked up too. So Amazon had this thing when COVID was going on free COVID tests and then, if you, you just got two weeks off Because it was a 14-day period Paid. 14 days off paid. She tested positive at some point and I was going over to her and her husband's house while he was at work. I wasn't fucking her then.

Carlos 11:36

Was she just making you like P&Js? You know what I did?

Kyle 11:37

I helped her paint her basement. Shut the fuck up.

The GBF

Ryan 11:40

I swear to God Shut the fuck up. I swear to.

Carlos 11:42

God, Shut the fuck up. You know if her husband walked in while you guys were painting the bracelet you would have passed off as the gay friend, the GBF.

Kyle 11:48

No, I wouldn't have, because we look pretty similar. She had a type. He was a big fucker too.

Carlos 11:54

Yeah.

Kyle 11:54

Been like Green eyes, but then we would be fighting for her honor.

Carlos 11:58

I feel like I could fucking win we, we just like started kissing each other Me and her husband.

Ryan 12:03

Yeah, dude, he said, you're fighting for her honor.

Kyle 12:06

Yeah, whoever wins, do you think she still remembers you? Yeah 100,000%.

Ryan 12:11

Yeah, I messaged her. I messaged her a couple weeks ago. No, you did not.

Kyle 12:15

Well, because she had her baby a couple months ago and then I was like she didn't say anything. Then a couple weeks ago ago. I was like, hey, how's the baby, how's your life, How's your fucking husband, bitch? And she texted back and she was like, oh, I was just thinking about you earlier.

Ryan 12:35

Can we see it? Can we see these messages?

Kyle 12:38

They're on Snapchat, so they get deleted. No dude, I have a girlfriend in another state.

Carlos 12:46

She goes to another school. Dude, she doesn't go here. She's way hotter than any chick that goes here.

Kyle 12:51

No, dude, it crushed me until I, Even after I moved out here. It crushed me for probably a year and a half.

Ryan 12:58

Is that the last one you got pushed from?

Kyle 13:00

Come on, man Don't get fucking gross with it.

Carlos 13:05

That's gross Asking about that.

Kyle 13:08

Don't be vulgar, don't try to get into my fucking past, bro. Tell him, ryan. Tell him, don't get in his head, ry.

Carlos 13:13

Tell him.

Ryan 13:14

What's on your mind?

Carlos 13:16

That was not vulgar or anything. You struck a chord there, you fucking.

Kyle 13:19

I hit a nerve right there You're asking me if the last time I got pussy was in Colorado. Yeah, how long have I been here Almost three years now. You have known me almost three years now. No, I've gotten. I've gotten. No, this dude's in there. I've gotten pussy since I've been out here for two and they're like swimwear buddy, no, dude.

Ryan 13:41

She was the one I thought you said you've been running amok in Daytona Spreading your seed everywhere.

Kyle 13:47

Yeah, it doesn't count if it's just like going down the drain. I'll tell you one thing.

Ryan 13:52

I'll tell you one thing If it's meant to be.

Carlos 13:54

It's meant to be. You guys don't have to worry about it.

Kyle 13:56

We will find our way back to each other. Exactly You'll be alright, that's true, and I was like, yeah, she fucked me up, good man, so is she?

Carlos 14:05

almost 40 now no.

Kyle 14:08

How old is she? She's like 33. No, yeah, 33 or 34.

Carlos 14:13

Wait, oh yeah, because you're only 24.

Kyle 14:14

Oh yeah.

Carlos 14:16

Did it feel like Benjamin Button?

Kyle 14:19

You know what it felt like. It felt like a cozy cabin in the fucking wilderness.

Carlos 14:26

Wow, it felt like home.

Kyle 14:27

It felt like home Wow. That's deep dude. Yeah Well, she's a fucking dumb bitch now, so Shout out. I don't hope her baby Wait Whoa, whoa. I hope there's no health complications.

Carlos 14:46

Jesus.

Kyle 14:46

Why'd you wink when you looked?

Carlos 14:48

at me when you said that.

Kyle 14:50

No, I wish her all the best In her fucking Life. I hope she dies soon.

Ryan 14:56

She.

Carlos 14:57

Her, not the baby.

Kyle 14:58

She's gonna die of old age Fucking dumb bitch. She's not that old.

Ryan 15:02

Well, she broke Kyle's heart. Man, she did.

Carlos 15:04

If you break Kyle's heart, that's it. Fuck them. That's like an ego death.

Kyle 15:10

Yeah.

Carlos 15:11

Is that why you got fat?

Kyle 15:12

She fucked up my whole psyche, dude, ah. But you know what it is. What it is, you move on.

Carlos 15:17

Live life.

Kyle 15:17

You fuck other chicks at some point and then you find another one, Because I also had a fucking bro. I'm a fucking, I'm a lover type, I'm a relationship guy. No, you're a lover boy.

Ryan 15:30

I'm a lover boy, you're a lover boy.

Carlos 15:32

You fall hard.

Kyle 15:33

All of high school I was in love with one chick and I was friend zoned the entire time. You're that GBA. There was no chance. I'm not a fucking gay best friend. He is no, he is no. I'm not dude, I'm straight as hell. Pussy fucking feels good. It tastes good. I like women, women, women, women, women. I ain't gay no more.

Kyle 15:55

I ain't gay, no more. Don't talk to me, bro. You've been with the same chick since high school. Fuck off. You found your one early. Why do you got to yell at me about that?

Carlos 16:04

I'm sorry You're fucking throwing hate at me. I'm not dude, I'm just trying to understand At least.

Kyle 16:11

I don't pay for pussy like Ryan does. All right, all right.

Ryan 16:14

All right, that sounded like a blow. Wow, that's below the belt.

Kyle 16:18

That's below the belt. Warning it doesn't count. It doesn't count.

Carlos 16:20

What happened Ryan? What's he talking about? Yeah?

Kyle 16:23

And I gave you props on that. I said good on you. I did Two for one. I had some fun. It wasn't a two for one.

Carlos 16:30

How much You're going to make him say dollar amount.

Ryan 16:33

Sure, next time $100. Next time $100. A little double whammy Going to the Gentleman's Club.

Carlos 16:44

Is that where it's at?

Ryan 16:46

That was in Jacksonville.

Kyle 16:48

Bro, I've never. What fucking strip club are you going to Someone in?

Ryan 16:53

Jacksonville.

Carlos 16:55

Did you know they offered that kind of service?

Ryan 16:57

Or did you?

Carlos 16:57

stumble upon it. I just asked. You don't know until you ask.

Ryan 17:03

He's right, and it worked. Buddy, Somewhat Did it work buddy. Somewhat Did it work, bro, it worked for them. Did it work? Somewhat Were you not happy? I was having a great time. I was having a fucking jolly old time.

Kyle 17:17

Do you think you fulfilled those women?

Ryan 17:19

No.

Carlos 17:20

Not even close. You were probably like the seventh of the night.

Kyle 17:23

Oh shit, don't say that, I would hope not. They were charging a fucking hard bargain, god damn.

Carlos 17:30

You think they start cheap and get more expensive as the night goes on.

Kyle 17:35

No, it's probably like the grosser they look, the more they charge. I look good.

Carlos 17:40

What about them? Yeah, what did they?

Ryan 17:42

look like. That fucking ass was bigger than my head.

Kyle 17:45

That shit was huge Fake, or was it all natty Probably fake.

Carlos 17:50

Probably fake. I don't know. It was an investment on their part.

Ryan 17:54

An investment on my part too, I guess.

Carlos 17:56

Well, you fund it.

Ryan 17:57

I funded some of it, you funded investment.

Kyle 17:59

I would at least want a fucking phone number or something if I'm paying that much Like a Snapchat or at least want a fucking phone number or something.

Carlos 18:04

If I'm paying that much, like a snapchat or something, yeah, something to look back on, maybe to go back and do it again. No, just be like to reminisce, maybe there was a yeah maybe there was a connection there or something do you think they remember you if you went back?

Ryan 18:17

oh, 100 really 100 why do you say that?

Kyle 18:20

What made you so memorable? I'm just that guy dude, I'm just that guy, you're just him, I'm just him, I am him. I don't know man.

Carlos 18:37

They said sure bud Huh.

Prom Night Drama and Dating Woes

Kyle 18:41

They said sure bud, I'm sure poppy, I just don't think I have the balls to do that.

Ryan 18:48

That was the first time I ever tried and I did it.

Kyle 18:53

Yeah, I don't have the balls to be like. I don't have the balls to go to the movie theater by myself. Nonetheless, like the courage to go up to a stripper and be like do you want to? How much Do you want to fuck?

Carlos 19:06

Is that what you ask? Like how much? And then they say a price or they're like for what?

Ryan 19:11

Well, no, what happened was I was wearing a big. I was wearing a big belt, and I've been in the strip club in this belt before. Was it a Gucci? No, it was a Big ass, fucking Big ass belt, and I've been to the strip club before. And that shit gave me a fucking From the belt Like a rash. Gave me a little rash, yeah. So I fucking sat down, took it off. She was like whoa, she's like no, no, no, no, no, no.

Carlos 19:33

That's a move.

Ryan 19:34

No, I was like I don't know I was taking it off and she was like everything I said whoa I said alright, what do you suggest? And then we got up, went to another room and there were likes one more, Damn did you take everything off. She did, yeah, not my shirt and my jacket and shit, but yeah, she fucking ripped my pants off and all that, yeah.

Carlos 19:52

Wait, did you have to show cash before or after? Or if you didn't pay, they'd just fuck you up.

Ryan 19:57

Oh, no, before, Before Okay.

Carlos 19:59

Didn't you say, they were like fucking ginormous tooth?

Ryan 20:01

They were big bitches. Yeah, Like tall, Like tall, yeah they were. So you see, were they trans Probably like 6'4", 6'5". God damn, they were fucking they were tall.

Carlos 20:09

Did they have an Adam's apple?

Ryan 20:11

They were not.

Kyle 20:12

no, Yo, you think it might have been a dude in there. That's a big bitch, that's a big fucking dude. Yeah, were they just in heels or were they flat foot on the ground? No, even with the heels. They were like almost seven, like probably like six, eight, six and a half what the fuck are you?

Ryan 20:27

doing Brock Lesnar, not Brock Lesnar, no Holy shit dude.

Kyle 20:31

Yeah, they both asked me this You're kind of short.

Ryan 20:33

I said I'm a short king baby.

Kyle 20:39

Short king baby Short.

Carlos 20:39

You told him. He said say whatever you want, but I couldn't act on that? Oh, you didn't produce.

Ryan 20:49

Fuck no.

Carlos 20:49

So you just paid, I had a good time that's what I'm saying.

Ryan 20:55

Wait, wait, what I had a good time. If.

Carlos 20:58

I'm paying $700, and what happened?

Ryan 21:01

I fucked both of them. Did you Somewhat? Yeah, that's where I'm lost at what do you?

Carlos 21:09

mean, you got limp.

Ryan 21:12

My dick didn't work.

Carlos 21:15

Were you shy.

Ryan 21:16

A little nervous, a little intimidated. I was like holy fuck, because I talk a lot of shit.

Carlos 21:20

But then it happened and you were like oh fuck, and then it happened and I was like I can handle that much ass.

Ryan 21:24

Then it happened and I was like oh fuck.

Kyle 21:26

Bro, if they had that much ass and they were that fucking tall.

Carlos 21:31

They probably played for the Jaguars up there in Duval.

Kyle 21:34

Yeah, you had some linebacker bitches in there.

Ryan 21:36

They wouldn't fucking husk you like that, though they're just tall as shit, they're lean. Tall as shit, big tits, big butt.

Kyle 21:42

Black, white, hispanic, hispanic they were Hispanic Double whammy.

Carlos 21:49

Ooh Carlos is a fan of that Hispanics, yeah, why?

Kyle 21:50

Because I'm Hispanic, you like big butts Well your wife is also Hispanic.

Carlos 21:55

Why do you have to bring my baby into this? I was just saying I feel like that conversation should not go hand in hand. That's a huge 360 there, bud.

Kyle 22:05

You like Hispanics?

Ryan 22:07

Yeah.

Kyle 22:08

I think they're fucking gross.

Ryan 22:09

I want a Hispanic, I want a Latino.

Carlos 22:14

If anyone would come up to Kyle, I don't think he would call him gross, I don't know, but the him gross, I don't know, but the thing is I feel like you've been approached before, but you just by who?

Ryan 22:24

The one that got away by Hemoths Dude, the same one as St Augustine? The one that got away?

Carlos 22:28

Yeah.

Ryan 22:29

Oh, my God yeah.

Carlos 22:31

That's a whole other story.

Kyle 22:33

Yeah, I don't even remember what the fuck she looks like, I just remember I fucking loved her.

Carlos 22:37

She was your kind of girl Apparently. You were in there like swimwear. I remember them saying that she was like goth. No, she was like nerdy Goth, nerdy chick. She was not goth. She was like goth and nerdy. She was not goth.

Kyle 22:49

She wore glasses. Yeah, she had like the weird, like nerdy, like Jeffrey Dahmer type glasses on.

Carlos 22:58

You do like them toxics. No, kyle wants a bitch. No, he doesn't, he wants a bitch.

Ryan 23:01

He wants to be the bitch. No, he wants a fucking psychotic cunt.

Carlos 23:06

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Kyle 23:09

To put him in his fucking place. I don't know if I want them to put me in my place, but I feel like they have. They just got more going on. They have their own life to worry about.

Carlos 23:18

They're not always on my fucking jock, they have to be better than you, better than me. Like doing better off in life.

Kyle 23:23

No woman is better than me. Whoa Well, there you have it. There you have it, folks. No dude, I want the like just fucking do your own thing and then we fuck whenever we want to.

Carlos 23:37

I don't think that's how relationships work. No, I don't think that is. I don't know if I've ever had a relationship, maybe at first.

Kyle 23:41

I don't think I've ever had a relationship. Oh my God.

Carlos 23:44

All right, you never dated anybody before.

Kyle 23:46

I have, I've never. I don't think high school relationships count like that, though they're not like real long term, unless they turn into something after.

Carlos 23:52

Did you go to?

Kyle 23:53

prom by yourself. No, I went to my junior and senior prom.

Ryan 23:58

I'm sorry, you said by yourself, by myself.

Carlos 24:01

Fuck no.

Ryan 24:04

Or were you with a group of boys.

Kyle 24:05

I was with a fucking group of dogs, but I also had a date both years and you picked them up.

Carlos 24:12

They picked you up what happened.

Kyle 24:15

But you know what's funny? I was a junior and I was young for my grade, so I couldn't drive. I didn't have a license. So my girlfriend at the time who I took to prom she was a year younger than me but she could drive already- so she was picking me up in her car, did she?

Carlos 24:35

put like the corsage on you.

Kyle 24:39

She picked me up in the car and then we like met up with my boys and then we all went out and she was a fucking dumb cunt the whole time. Dude, we go to like a nice restaurant damn, like some nice restaurant for prom. Whatever I order her like a 40 entree, holy she takes two bites and then is full.

Kyle 25:00

And that started the night off and I was pissed the whole night. So the whole time at prom I was just like dancing with her angrily, grinding against her angrily. I was just like fuck this bitch.

Ryan 25:12

Oh my God, why did you take her the next year then?

Kyle 25:14

I didn't take the same chick, but we all get dropped off. She takes me home and, uh, I'm going to get out of the car and she's like, do you want me to like come in? And I was like no, my grandparents are here.

Carlos 25:30

And then I just left, I just went in you know that that was her trying to get in there. She wanted to fuck and you were like no, we have had fucked before.

Kyle 25:38

I lost my virginity to her, shout out her. But I was like bro after dude, the fucking whole food thing like. That threw you off, Sent me for a fucking whirlpool dude.

Carlos 25:47

I was like Maybe she wasn't hungry, maybe not, and you judged her off that. Maybe she was hungry for you.

Ryan 25:53

She just wanted that Kyle.

Carlos 25:54

Yeah, kyle.

Kyle 25:56

Yeah, but I don't know that fucking made me so mad. What was it? What did?

Carlos 25:59

she order. That was $40?. It was like noodles or something, some weird pasta $40 noodles, like pasta dish.

Kyle 26:04

It was a nice fucking restaurant, I'm telling you, oh geez man.

Ryan 26:08

Growing up nice dude.

Kyle 26:09

And then she wanted to come in and I said no, you rejected her. I did. I said I didn't appreciate the way you treated me tonight. Bye, Kyle, what dude 100,000%.

Ryan 26:23

See you saying something like that.

Carlos 26:24

Yeah, I don't put it past you, not at all. Kyle, kyle, kyle, anyways.

Kyle 26:31

It's just like dude, you need to fucking know how to conduct yourself around other people. You know? Are you talking to yourself right now? I think so. Probably I can't. I don't know, man, my whole fucking Jesus.

Carlos 26:47

We're just talking about Kyle's non-existent love life.

Ryan 26:51

We're striking a nerve with this motherfucker.

Carlos 26:53

Yeah dude, what have you been going through, man? Have you been lonely?

Kyle 26:57

I don't feel lonely, but I think very deep, deep down I am. I dream about stuff all the time, about like being with other people like just friends or what you do have like very vivid dreams very.

Kyle 27:10

Yeah, right now I'm going through a fucking. I remember all my dreams. I was trying to have sex with a lady the other day in my dream. How'd it go? Not good, I don't think did you reject them in your own dream. No, they didn't want it. So I was like but I was telling ryan the other day the ones where you know you're in a dream and you're like yo, I just fucking do it, you can control it, you can control it.

Kyle 27:33

I can control the situation. I can make it happen if I want to.

Carlos 27:40

But you have a decision to make.

Kyle 27:43

Yeah, jesus, it also might. I just haven't. I'm fucking on SR, I'm not coming at all. Yeah, that will do something to you there. Yeah, so I think I'm just like overly fucking sexual right now.

Carlos 27:56

Yeah, you're looking at me very menacingly, so You're just overly aroused right now. I you're looking at me very menacingly, so I'm a little uncomfortable right now I am.

Ryan 28:01

You do also have a fat gas on the top of your head right now.

Kyle 28:04

Yeah, I fucking sliced my shit open. Yeah, dude, you gotta In the shower.

Carlos 28:10

Was that self-inflicted or did you mean to do that?

Kyle 28:12

I don't know I fucking accidentally did it. I heard the fucking thing, the loofah rip against my skin and I was like it stung a little bit. But I was like I might like this.

Carlos 28:24

You like the feeling of it, you gotta fucking like the pain you like to be able to feel something.

Kyle 28:28

Yeah, I don't think I could get into a bitch like spanking me or putting me in a new cage, though I can see it, I don't know. That'd be a big cage. That's what I was about to say.

Carlos 28:38

It'd be a big fucking cage, you gotta go to the flea market to buy that kind of cage.

Kyle 28:41

It'd be a fucking pterodactyl cage.

Carlos 28:42

They gotta weld that shit together.

Kyle 28:45

Are you gonna take fucking like a whip to your ass? No For a lady. I don't prefer that For a big ass lady in leather.

Carlos 28:53

No.

Ryan 29:01

Like Nor Like Rasputia.

Kyle 29:03

Oh, rasputia, you ever seen Norbit? I love Norbit. That movie's so fucking funny. Norbit, she said it's science, my titty her titty's honking the wheel.

Carlos 29:08

She's like this guy's tighter.

Kyle 29:10

It's not science. Yeah Well, we're back boys, we're back episode three.

Carlos 29:14

I don't know man, I'm having a couple drinks, we're back boys we're back Episode three.

Kyle 29:18

I don't know man, I'm having a couple drinks.

Carlos 29:19

I'm feeling loose. You're in your feelings right now. Kyle, any women that think they can take a Kyle on you know.

Ryan 29:25

Good luck. Shoot us an email.

Carlos 29:27

Whatever email we're about to give out. Yeah, good luck.

Kyle 29:29

Newest lows at Gmail.

Carlos 29:31

Yeah, newest lows at Gmail. You know what?

Kyle 29:34

we would any listeners out there, any questions? Anything you want to know, Send us an email.

Carlos 29:39

Any topic you want to bring up. Dude, send us anything.

Kyle 29:41

Send us an email, any video, any, if there's any fucking hot ladies out there, send me your tits Please, pause, pause. I won't show Carlos. I won't show Eric. They have a wife and a girlfriend. Me and Ryan will greatly appreciate that.

Carlos 29:56

Greatly appreciate that. Well, 100,000% I'm glad you made that apparent. Yep, all right, also rate us on Spotify, apple Podcasts. We're on all your streaming platforms.

Ryan 30:04

YouTube's in the works right now.

Carlos 30:05

Yeah, we do have a Q&A on Spotify also. If you pull up the audio there's a Q&A on the bottom of it. You can type in anything and I guess we'll see it, Dude.

Kyle 30:14

you can tell his like salesman voice is kicking his person is kicking in this guy.

Ryan 30:19

All right, so this is Carlos, keep going follow us on Instagram at newest lows right shout out. The Instagram shout out.

Carlos 30:26

IG. We don't have a Facebook yet.

Kyle 30:28

Ryan's supposed to be on that he said last time but I don't think he said I don't think that's the type of audience.

Carlos 30:33

we want nope, nope, um, already mentioned the Q&A on Spotify, but, uh, send us any of your anything. You want us to watch Any funny videos or react videos or anything we can give advice. We can give advice to people.

Kyle 30:45

Yeah, I think Ryan gives the best advice.

Ryan 30:47

I do Out of anybody here. Nobody likes to fucking listen to me though, if you have a hard, decision to make soon.

Kyle 30:52

Shoot us an email.

Carlos 30:54

Ask Ryan, ask Ryan, ask Ryan. I'm right here right now. Buddy, we do appreciate all the listeners, though we got two in Germany still.

Kyle 31:02

Has that expanded? Three, three, okay, and then the UK Three in Germany and the UK.

Carlos 31:06

Okay, we can see the map of all of you guys Shout out to all the people.

Ryan 31:09

We're about to take Germany over.

Carlos 31:11

We're about to break 100. Almost there, buddy Downloads. So.

Kyle 31:16

Yeah, like we said, we didn't think we were going to get fucking one.

Hot Cheetos and Organ Donation

Ryan 31:19

We just wanted one comment and one view from the beginning At the end of the day, we're just hanging out and talking, so you know. We all had a besides Eric. We all had a long work week. Eric had a nice chill week this week.

Carlos 31:30

Todd is a fucking motherfucker right now, Dude, I would walk out and I would just start sweating my ass. I'm like this is terrible Sweating your ass. Sweating my ass off.

Ryan 31:39

There you go. You said, sweating my ass.

Carlos 31:40

Sweating from my ass.

Ryan 31:43

Hell yeah, I can see it with those jorts.

Kyle 31:46

You do wear the wildest fucking shit. What do you mean? They're like weird Chino fucking shorts.

Ryan 31:54

Are they Echo?

Carlos 31:56

They're not Echo, they're Magellan, they echo, they're not echo, they're magellan, magellan at least I don't fucking wear my work uniform, for I mean, how many hours are we at?

Kyle 32:03

yeah, ryan, how many days in a row have you worn the same pants not?

Carlos 32:06

only have you worn that outfit since 7 am this morning. You've also worn those pants every day of the week.

Ryan 32:12

Well, these are my last pair of pants. I'm not fucking buying $25 pair of pants.

Carlos 32:17

Anyone that can donate 2525.

Kyle 32:20

We're trying to get Ryan a new pair of pants. Ryan just needs a new pair of pants.

Carlos 32:22

I'm tired of staring at his dick. They have a hole in them, Although it is very easy to look at. I'm not trying to.

Kyle 32:29

Your dick is pretty soft on the eyes. I'll tell you that it looks smooth.

Carlos 32:34

It is smooth, buddy. I'm sure you know when it works. I've never touched it, but Kyle might have. No, I haven't touched your fucking dick. You do touch a lot of people's dicks.

Ryan 32:44

I like girls. Oh yeah, kyle was trying to say we kissed last time.

Carlos 32:47

No, you were just Yelling slander the entire time. Slander, slander, my name, you can't. You can't call Ryan.

Kyle 32:54

I don't like that. What are we talking about? About, bro, do you like hot cheetos? Yeah, they're trying to ban them.

Carlos 33:01

I bet, dude I used to fucking. I used to put like a whole ass lime in a hot cheeto bag like the big ones, and I would just puke my guts out as soon as I finished it, jesus christ, you smashed the whole bag, the whole bag, the whole fucking, yeah, I was like in middle school and it was just like the thing to do, like it was so good, but I would just puke straight red vomit.

Kyle 33:21

You'd probably burn, so bad coming out too it was terrible.

Carlos 33:26

You know how they say bananas taste better going out than going in.

Ryan 33:30

Who says that? I have never heard that before? What the fuck? Who the fuck says that?

Carlos 33:33

Out of your throat. What the fuck are you talking about? I gotta explain myself here. If you eat a banana and you throw it up, it tastes the same, don't it? I've never thrown up a banana before. I don't think I've ever thrown up a banana either. No, Actually.

Ryan 33:48

No, I have. I have with you, but it was in the smoothie.

Kyle 33:50

It was in the smoothie, it was in the smoothie. Remember.

Ryan 33:52

When. I got fucked up, I got fucked up that one night and we were out of town, yeah yeah, yeah.

Carlos 33:57

So we were out of town. It was Trinity, it was Trinity. We were all out of town. We were doing those sidewalks and curbs and shit and damn dude, that sounded really wrong. But this guy ate a pizza Lunchable and a strawberry smoothie.

Ryan 34:10

Strawberry banana smoothie Puking by 11 o'clock in the morning.

Carlos 34:12

You were puking a lot that day. You Hungover as fuck too.

Ryan 34:16

That's when I sleptwalked into Eric's room thinking it was my room.

Carlos 34:20

He did sleepwalk into your room.

Kyle 34:22

After the whole week Eric was like yo this house is fucking haunted, yeah he gave me the big room.

Carlos 34:29

That room was weird, but I took it.

Kyle 34:32

It was comfortable. Wait, I don't understand Hot Cheetos taste. They're my favorite shit. They're good for sure, but you would eat them to the point of puking.

Carlos 34:40

I excessively ate Hot Cheetos.

Kyle 34:42

And I puked it all up.

Ryan 34:44

Are you getting like the family size bag or the party size bag or what is it Probably like?

Carlos 34:47

the party size.

Ryan 34:48

And you're smashing that whole fucking thing.

Carlos 34:49

I'm telling you what.

Kyle 34:52

I can smash a whole party size right now fucking.

Carlos 34:56

Dowsing lime.

Kyle 34:57

You and Eric, you fucking.

Carlos 34:58

Eric put fucking, you know.

Ryan 35:00

Eric's putting hot sauce in his fucking.

Kyle 35:02

Yeah, these fucking minorities over here are putting hot sauce and lime in their fucking hot Cheetos. I don't understand. Never done it Well we grew up differently.

Carlos 35:11

You grew up with name tags on your fucking dinner plate. And that's why we gotta stop the ban.

Kyle 35:16

Yeah, dude. We cannot let them ban. Hot Cheetos Wait they're banning Hot Cheetos. They're trying to. They're trying to.

Ryan 35:21

They're trying to do the same thing with the picture Eric's in Gatorade. It's.

Kyle 35:23

Gatorade, hot Cheetos, lucky Charms and Oreos they're trying to ban right now.

Carlos 35:27

Dude, my daughter loves Lucky Charms Like Well your daughter. Builder immune system.

Kyle 35:36

No, it's like all molecular. They're like fucking arguing. It's like changes your, apparently with the hot Cheetos. It changes your white blood cells. It like mutates them and shit that bad, I don't know.

Ryan 35:46

Down to the DNA, because it's that red dye or whatever the fuck it is they put in there.

Kyle 35:50

It's like the amount of hot.

Carlos 35:53

Cheetos I, astronomical you know we're pretty like, screwed like I think we're fucked yeah, like how so? All the stuff we eat, all the processed shit like, even if we try to eat healthy, that shit's still processed. Yeah, of course we're fucked.

Kyle 36:07

There's not any real long-term my grandma is 100 years old.

Carlos 36:11

There's no way we're seeing 100 my grandpa is 91 there's no way you're seeing even 90.

Kyle 36:15

But that's the thing. All those fucking old fuckers. You see over 100 and they interview them. They're like how'd you live to 112? They're like whiskey and chocolate bars.

Ryan 36:25

I drink Dr Peppers every day and cigarettes, yeah, marble raids.

Kyle 36:28

It's all just genetic type shit.

Ryan 36:30

They're on to something. Then, huh, that's crazy, your grandma's 100. She's born in 1924.

Kyle 36:36

Yeah, holy fuck, dude, you know I'm fucked. You ever seen like a big dog, an old big dog? No, no.

Ryan 36:43

No.

Carlos 36:44

Like a big one.

Ryan 36:45

What about those white people on the beach like in Daytona shit, that are fucking like bronze.

Kyle 36:50

Oh yeah, that's different. Their skin is like leather.

Carlos 36:53

Yeah, because they tan every day. Yeah, there's a lot of In a shop.

Kyle 36:56

There's a lot of bad shit for you, dude. You know what I'm happy about Fucking that we don't live in prohibition, because fuck.

Carlos 37:03

Well, you guys would be on the other side of it. No, prohibition, that's alcohol.

Kyle 37:07

Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of good If I couldn't drink a brew.

Ryan 37:11

That'd be fucked.

Carlos 37:12

Yeah, fuck, I don't know why I associated what you were saying with segregation. I just assumed that out of you, I guess.

Kyle 37:24

No dudes Segregation is bad right.

Ryan 37:29

To an extent, all right, jesus man.

Kyle 37:33

No, but yeah, the hot Cheeto thing. What the fuck else was I thinking about? God damn it. Oh, ryan was asking you guys were talking about being an organ donor.

Ryan 37:41

Yeah, we were talking about that. Yeah, we were talking about that.

Carlos 37:43

We had a good conversation about this yesterday. I had to give you a call because I had a question.

Kyle 37:46

I know I was at the fucking gym, dude, I was getting swole as fuck.

Ryan 37:58

It was like I was telling him that was the question, right.

Carlos 38:00

That was a legitimate question, and I did not know the answer of it.

Kyle 38:04

I didn't know the answer either. I don't think they can do that Because I don't think they're putting real male dicks onto trans.

Carlos 38:13

I feel like once your dick is cut off, it's dead.

Ryan 38:16

That's what we were talking about.

Carlos 38:20

Even if you die, there's nerves.

Kyle 38:22

There's nerves to it.

Ryan 38:22

They can fucking do something Like I'm saying.

Carlos 38:24

I don't think they chop your dick off and put it on to a woman Do you think that's what they're worried about we gotta save something off this guy and they're like maybe there's someone that needs a dick.

Kyle 38:35

But what happens if you got like a Ryan dick and it's a little nub when they fucking? Ay, ay, ay ay when Ryan dies and they go to look at his fucking dick.

Ryan 38:43

Don't take it, dude. It's inside of me. They'll take anything they can get.

Carlos 38:47

They're going to like they're going to bring out a catalog and they're just going to swipe through the pages.

Kyle 38:52

And they're like which one do you want? I think they get fake. They're all just just fake dicks. Or they make their clit oversized, they suck it out and, like, make it big. That's not the same. What do you mean?

Carlos 39:02

It's not the same thing as what we have. No, it's not.

Ryan 39:05

Not at all.

Kyle 39:05

It's not going to be the same, because it's fucking wrong and you shouldn't do it, so all in all, probably not.

Carlos 39:10

then.

Kyle 39:15

If you're an organ donor, you don't think they can mutilate your fucking body like that. Just chop your dick off. What if you sign a form? What if you wanted? Like a naked burial?

Ryan 39:24

for everybody. Could you imagine if there was a naked, open casket? I'm going to do that. Just do a naked one, if I ever die naked, open casket.

Carlos 39:32

I'll hold you to that. I'm going to tell your mom that. Shout out Ryan's mom.

Ryan 39:37

Shout out. Ryan's mom Shout out. My mom would never do that, no.

Kyle 39:39

I'm going to do a sky burial. What's that? They like you die and they just put you on like the tallest hill around you, and then they let the birds eat you, so like if you died over here, where would they?

Ryan 39:50

put you. That is not a real thing.

Carlos 39:52

Would they take you to Colorado?

Ryan 39:53

Eric, look it up Sky burial. That is not a real fucking thing.

Kyle 39:56

Yes, it is, sounds like it, no.

Ryan 39:59

No.

Kyle 39:59

In Colorado, it would have been better.

Ryan 40:02

They could take you up to a fucking mountain. They could take you up in the mountains and all that shit, or a glacier out there they're going to take you up to the waste management hill over there in fucking Daytona.

Kyle 40:07

Yeah, Florida, there's not too many high hills here. No Skybarrel, skybarrel In which a human corpse is placed on a mountaintop to decompose One of the elements are to be eaten by scavenging animals.

Ryan 40:21

This is what you want, fuck you.

Carlos 40:22

Hell yeah, you want to be eaten. You just want a little bit of affection, bro.

Kyle 40:26

There's vultures.

Carlos 40:27

There's vultures surrounding the body God damn. Oh shit, look at that skeleton.

Ryan 40:31

So what happens when there's no meat left and there's just bones.

Kyle 40:35

Go back into the earth. Man Just stay there.

Carlos 40:36

Is that legal? I feel like that shouldn't be legal. I don't think that's why.

Kyle 40:40

It's my fucking dying wish. Why can't I do?

Ryan 40:43

that. That is true, that is true.

Kyle 40:45

You can burn somebody and then put their ashes into the fucking ocean. I did that with my dad. Way to make it sad. No, it's not sad.

Ryan 40:54

No, we cremated my dad. I was fucking four years old.

Carlos 40:57

They threw him in the ocean. We threw him in New Smyrna Beach, nsb.

Ryan 41:00

NSB, me and my brother and sister dumped him in the ocean.

Kyle 41:05

I don't know. He should have gone to the Caribbean or something. That's a fucking.

Ryan 41:08

Do you think we have money to go to the Caribbean, Kyle?

Carlos 41:10

They went to New Smyrna Beach dude. They were right next to people, just yeah, I go there all the time they're fishing for sharks.

Ryan 41:17

You might as well.

Carlos 41:18

How far did you go offshore? Was it just like right there on the shoreline?

Ryan 41:21

I told you I don't have a good memory from those times.

Carlos 41:23

I just remember that?

Kyle 41:24

Do you ever?

Ryan 41:24

like walk into the beach and, just like you, just take a sniff Dude. When I was in college for comp one, that was the end of the year essay.

Kyle 41:36

I tried to write an essay about spreading your dad's ashes.

Ryan 41:39

They couldn't read your handwriting.

Carlos 41:40

That's why.

Kyle 41:40

Well, it was on a computer.

Ryan 41:42

It was on a computer.

Kyle 41:42

It was on a computer.

Carlos 41:43

I had to type it on a Word document and shit, yeah, you didn't finish in time.

Ryan 41:46

Yeah, I got like a D minus on that essay or whatever it was.

Kyle 41:49

Was it font 12 times New Roman.

Carlos 41:52

To be the teacher to give you your dad's ashes At the beach.

Kyle 41:59

How fucked up is that teacher? He's like this dude. This little kid is spilling his heart On this page.

Ryan 42:06

This is fucked up. I don't even remember that went. I don't even remember his fucking ass.

Kyle 42:10

A paper about a dead dad and she gives it a fucking D.

Ryan 42:16

That was a dude. That was an older dude. Oh, what a dickhead. It was an older dude. He was like I should have gave him an F.

Kyle 42:21

He said my dad's dead too. Fuck this dude.

Carlos 42:24

He's like I burned my dad.

Kyle 42:29

Yeah, god damn.

Carlos 42:30

You tried to write an essay About something that happened when you were four yeah, was it like an essay About, like, the most traumatic Thing you've been through, or what?

Ryan 42:37

Yeah, essentially yeah, Something like that.

Carlos 42:39

Jesus.

Kyle 42:40

What type of fucking writing class were you?

Ryan 42:41

in.

My mom

Kyle 42:43

Comp 1. Then you tell me about the worst time in your life. It's like well.

Ryan 42:49

I don't remember it, but I can ask my mom and she can help me out a little bit.

Carlos 42:52

Let's call her right now.

Ryan 42:53

My mom.

Carlos 42:54

No, I'm just kidding, don't call your mom.

Ryan 42:57

I'm not calling my mom, she's probably on a date with her boyfriend, right now.

Carlos 42:59

It would be pretty cool.

Kyle 43:00

You sound jealous we do. We're going to have to get some people in here. Wait, your mom's got a boyfriend now.

Ryan 43:06

She's had a boyfriend. Shit, she's had a boyfriend.

Carlos 43:09

Is he a good guy? I haven't met him yet. You haven't met your.

Kyle 43:15

It sounds so weird like an old person. Your mom's not old, but like middle-aged. My mom's yeah, they're like oh, that's my new boyfriend.

Ryan 43:22

I think my mom's 50. She's 57.

Kyle 43:24

Yeah, she's 57. And she's got a boyfriend.

Carlos 43:26

This is kind of weird. How old is her boyfriend, do you think? I think he's like 60. Nice, nice, so why?

Kyle 43:36

Because your mom's well, she does her own thing, she's good.

Carlos 43:38

What if you just start calling him dad? I haven't even met the fucker yet. Yeah but the first time you meet him, just go, hey dad.

Ryan 43:46

No no.

Carlos 43:48

Dad, is that you? Are you my dad?

Kyle 43:54

That's what.

Carlos 43:54

I was doing.

Ryan 43:55

You know too.

Carlos 43:57

Has your mom ever had a boyfriend growing up? Kind of, but not really Exactly.

Ryan 44:01

Exactly. It's weird now 24.

Carlos 44:04

This is my mom's first boyfriend. I'm sure it's not her first boyfriend.

Kyle 44:07

Just the first one she's told you about maybe.

Ryan 44:11

She didn't even tell me.

Kyle 44:12

My brother told me about it, then you know she's had others.

Carlos 44:20

Your brother's like she has'm not gonna talk about it, About your mom. I got more respect for her Than I do you.

Kyle 44:23

You've never even met her dude. No, I can't. I say that to my stepdad all the time, like you're not my fucking dad.

Carlos 44:30

But you call him dad. He probably loves that shit though. Oh yeah, he probably.

Kyle 44:33

He loves that shit. Yeah, we fucking Touched bare nuts to each other's Thing. Yeah what? Yeah, we fucking Touched bare nuts To each other's Thing. Yeah what Me and my stepdad Went sack to sack. We drank my mom's Breast milk when I was 22.

Carlos 44:48

So you call him daddy.

Kyle 44:51

Say Jeff no he called him DJ.

Ryan 44:52

DJ.

Kyle 44:54

DJ, dj.

Carlos 44:55

Daddy Jeff, daddy Jeff. I was just trying to name drop but he already named dropped. Yeah, jeffrey, daddy Jeff. Damn Daddy Jeff, daddy Jeff. I was trying to name drop, but he already named dropped. Yeah, jeffrey, daddy F Damn Daddy, jeff is sick dude.

Kyle 45:05

Shout out Jeff Hefe, he changed my brakes before Did he show you how to be a man.

Ryan 45:11

He also rashly strapped your box spring down and told you not to go on the highway.

Carlos 45:14

Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, you had a whole ass mattress. Fly off your truck.

Kyle 45:18

There's a box spring, dude, they're light the wind.

Carlos 45:24

And you just kept going.

Kyle 45:25

The wind took it off the top of my car.

Carlos 45:26

Did you notice when it flew off?

Kyle 45:28

Yeah, I could hear it fucking scraping against the top of my truck. That boy was just like I said, oh no, and I had the ratchet straps that were on it and they, like, went below the truck. So I thought like I was like these are going to get wrapped up in the fucking axle.

Carlos 45:45

Like underneath the truck. Fuck my whole shit. Yeah, oh shit.

Kyle 45:47

But I kept driving and there was a Dodge Durango that pulled up beside me and I could tell they rolled down the window and they were like saying something to me and I did not look you just looking, I looked straight forward. I was like I didn't do that. That wasn't me, so what'd?

Ryan 46:02

you. What'd you do, though? Do you get off of the exit?

Kyle 46:03

I was freaking the fuck out do you get off and go? Over, took the ratchet straps and just kept going. And then I was googling. I was like am I liable for any damages from my property that's in the middle of the highway? Not, if you don't get caught. The most dangerous highway in America, i-4.

Carlos 46:18

That's the worst part of I-4, right there.

Kyle 46:21

Bro, it's like a 30 minute drive home, drive all the way home and I was like Freaking myself out Like fuck, I'm gonna get fucking arrested for this. They're gonna find me.

Carlos 46:30

They're gonna hear it.

Kyle 46:32

They'll hear it one day. So I got back onto I-4 Allegedly 30 minutes, got off, got back 30 minutes, got off, got back on the other way and it was gone.

Carlos 46:40

Wait, so we? Okay, never mind, I was going to ask you where you're going to and from my parents' house To yours. Yeah, oh, no, I think it was 95.

Ryan 46:48

It wasn't 94, it was 95.

Carlos 46:49

Yeah, it was 95.

Ryan 46:50

Yeah, 95.

Kyle 46:50

Yeah, that's all right, 95 is 95. And I was like dude Watch it.

Carlos 46:55

take 95.

Kyle 46:56

And I never told my parents about it, because Jeff had specifically told me not to take the highway.

Ryan 47:02

You could take US 1 back and I did it immediately.

Carlos 47:04

Dude it would take forever to go that way.

Ryan 47:06

Go the US 1 way.

Carlos 47:07

Hell yeah.

Kyle 47:13

But it was like never told them. And then they finally came over and checked out the apartment and I had to fucking buy a brand new box spring To cover up yeah, because it couldn't just be my mattress on the ground. They would ask questions. Fuck, oh God.

Carlos 47:26

Damn.

Kyle 47:29

I gotta take a piss. Can we hit pause on?

Ryan 47:30

this yeah, I gotta take a piss, take a quick break.

Kyle 47:35

Now we're playing back again. Are we back? Alright, back from break? We all had to rock piss pretty hard. Grab a couple beers. I had to piss out of my fucking fat schlonger. Whatever you say, buddy, yeah, I wouldn't have stood. If you don't believe me, man, I'll fucking slap you across the face with that. I swear to God.

Carlos 47:54

Would you take that?

Ryan 47:55

I would knock Kyle out in one punch.

Kyle 48:00

That you take that I would knock Kyle out in one punch. What do I always tell you? I say you better knock me out in one punch, Because one's all you're getting buddy.

Carlos 48:04

If anyone were to knock you out, kyle, where do you think they would need to hit you, like on your face?

Ryan 48:08

I'm hitting him in his chin On my face. I'm hitting him straight in the chin.

Carlos 48:11

If you hit him in the nose it would just break, but it's big enough.

Ryan 48:15

His nose is taking the majority of that punch.

Carlos 48:18

Chin.

Ryan 48:19

No, his nose, that's a fat nose. Yeah, I've broken my nose before.

Carlos 48:22

No, I'm saying you've got to hit him in the chin then yeah, uppercut.

Kyle 48:25

Break my jaw, but I'm telling you you better knock me out.

Ryan 48:29

I'm going to.

Kyle 48:29

Because if it doesn't, you know what happens. We've wrestled before, not in a gay sexual way.

Ryan 48:35

I am 0-4. In a fucking manly hardcore. No, we've had a couple beers talking shit and we've wrestled yeah.

Kyle 48:42

Yeah, we've all wrestled. We wrestled at our old co-worker's wedding.

Ryan 48:45

What happened when me and you wrestled Carlos?

Kyle 48:46

Oh yeah, you guys wrestled too you beat me, you caught me off guard. I don't think so. I videotaped it Hips. Hips, hips, you guys are about to roll into a fucking shed.

Carlos 49:00

Yeah, we needed someone to be able to tell us when we were out of bounds. It was like fucking 2 am.

Kyle 49:05

Yeah, it was late at night. It was late as fuck Airbnb.

Carlos 49:10

We were like let's wrestle, as bad as that sounds.

Kyle 49:12

No.

Carlos 49:14

I mean, I was like I wrestled and I was like all right, well, let's go wrestle. And then we went outside.

Kyle 49:18

It is crazy, ryan only had what did you?

Ryan 49:21

seventh and eighth grade. No, like fifth, like four years, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth.

Kyle 49:28

Four years of wrestling.

Ryan 49:29

This is the first time I've heard about fifth and sixth grade. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I swear to God, like the little, like real wrestling, and it's crazy what you could do to carlos, who has never. Yeah, I was not prepared for that. You know what's funny, dude, my first ever wrestling tournament.

Carlos 49:45

I didn't even know about a singlet. I showed up in gym shorts and a white tee and then they threw you in a singlet after no, I wrestled in the tournament.

Ryan 49:48

And those guys because kyle, you wrestled too. Yeah, you wrestled. I said I just took my shirt in all through middle school.

Carlos 49:54

Yeah, a little bit of college wrestling on your belt, semester college. But when you see those kids at a tournament I've never wrestled, but you know, when I go to my nephews when you see those kids in a gym shorts and a- t-shirt you're like come on man it's the same with those um those cheap like fit 40 black asics from walmart all the scrubs? Yeah, they all have donated.

Kyle 50:14

They all have the same shoes. You're like yo got this fucker.

Wrestling Experience Through High School

Carlos 50:18

If you're wearing decent shoes, that's game over. That's game over when.

Kyle 50:22

I signed up in seventh grade. I thought it was big in the WWE, Didn't know what wrestling was.

Ryan 50:29

I thought it was WWE. It's not like that at all. He thought it was a fake wrestling.

Kyle 50:31

I thought it was pro wrestling. I thought I was going to be fucking John Cena walking out with the fucking belt. No, it's not the same. No, we were doing like push-ups and sprinting and shit.

Ryan 50:40

All we were doing in fucking middle school was fucking. We had to run two miles before every practice, eight laps around the baseball field and football field, and then we were doing burpees, just doing straight burpees.

Kyle 50:51

That's not what Kyle?

Carlos 50:53

signed up for I'm not expecting to wear a Speedo and go out and smash two drinks against each other and pour them on his face. Bro, it is what I thought.

Kyle 51:00

I fucking hated wrestling the whole time.

Carlos 51:03

But you did it for a while.

Kyle 51:04

I did it all through high school and into college. Yeah, it was like I did not like it, but I was just good at it.

Ryan 51:11

Were you a state placer.

Kyle 51:12

Yeah, I placed third. 220 pounds 5A Colorado my senior year 220. 220 pounds, 5a Colorado my senior year, 220.

Ryan 51:18

What were you at junior?

Kyle 51:20

year I didn't qualify for state's junior year Made the regionals Should have. Everybody goes to regionals. You got to place top four in regionals to make it to state. Senior year, Senior year Took third at state. Yeah.

Carlos 51:30

Okay, what held you back? I'm a nasty fucker bro. You know what held me back.

Ryan 51:35

What's that bud? What's his fucking name? Colton Schultz, Colton Schultz. What's his fucking name?

Kyle 51:41

ASU heavyweight Bro, I was just looking at the Olympic trials for wrestling this weekend. Start tomorrow. He's number one in Greco. Get the fuck out of here, colton Schultz. Colton Schultz he's a current ASU heavyweight for college, but he's a Greco world champion.

Carlos 52:01

God damn.

Ryan 52:02

Because you said Look up Colton Schultz, look it up. What did you say? You said you were a senior, he was a freshman.

Kyle 52:07

I was a senior, he was a freshman and it was an at-home duel, so it was a duel at our school. You were a senior and he was a freshman. It was a duel at our school and he comes in from. He went to our rival school and he was fucking. He was riding my shit. This is no wrestling, just search Olympic Trials Wrestling Greco.

Carlos 52:30

Put Olympic Wrestling Colton Schultz. See if.

Kyle 52:35

There you go, but do Greco G-R-E-C-O. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking, I tried to wrestle.

Ryan 52:39

Greco G-R-E-C-O. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking I tried to wrestle with Greco. It sucks, it's different.

Carlos 52:44

Bro, but.

Kyle 52:44

I'm telling you. He came in, he was a freshman and he was fucking me up and the entire crowd Just started chanting he's a Top left, top left. That's him on the right there.

Ryan 53:00

God damn.

Kyle 53:02

He's a unit. He was a. Yeah, I think he was a heavyweight, super heavyweight.

Carlos 53:05

Did he pin you? He probably looked the same back then too.

Kyle 53:08

He pinned me, he pinned you. I got pinned my senior year from this dude Only pinned In the first quarter, second, second. Damn Damn Bro. He fucked me up and they just started chanting.

Ryan 53:18

He's a freshman. What is he at ASU? What is he at ASU? Is he a national champion Heavyweight? Nah, nah, nah, I think he's past that.

Carlos 53:25

At that point.

Kyle 53:25

Nah, I think he took Fourth or fifth this year. But Greco, he's nasty as fuck, dude, that's just when you grab him, yeah.

Ryan 53:33

That's all you're doing. All upper body. That's all you're doing.

Kyle 53:36

I felt the power of that man and I don't think I've ever felt power like that before.

Carlos 53:41

Did he get you bricked up?

Kyle 53:43

No, I did not get hard. I wrestled a girl one time and I did not get hard.

Ryan 53:47

I wrestled a girl too in middle school.

Kyle 53:49

Well, girls are your weight.

Ryan 53:53

How much?

Carlos 53:53

did you wrestle at in middle school?

Ryan 53:56

My seventh grade, year 90? Jesus Christ, 90 or 95? One of the two.

Carlos 54:01

Yeah, you got a couple girls in the mix.

Ryan 54:03

No, yeah, what was my seventh grade year? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I wrestled like 95 for wrestle-offs.

Kyle 54:08

Yeah, that's every girl. I wrestled a girl in high school at 220 pounds, shut the fuck up, fuck up.

Ryan 54:15

No, the fuck you did not.

Kyle 54:16

One girl my entire high school career. My entire wrestling career.

Carlos 54:19

One girl.

Kyle 54:20

Was she good? Did you beat her? No, you know what she kind of looked like. She kind of looked like Carla.

Carlos 54:26

Stop you. Yeah, dude, handsome. Yeah, looked like a fucking goomba yeah Mexican. She was a Mexican.

Kyle 54:35

Hell yeah, oh, you beat her. Fuck yeah, dude, obviously Fucking, riding her on top of her. Say my God.

Ryan 54:48

I say you're so soft. So what happened when wrestling in college, kyle? What happened?

Kyle 54:52

to that. Oh fuck that shit. What happened to that? That shit sucked. Was it tough.

Carlos 54:56

Was it just like a tough schedule?

Ryan 54:58

Who did you say wrestled at the college that you wrestled at Big?

Kyle 55:01

name.

Ryan 55:01

Shane Carwin, shane Carwin, big guy.

Kyle 55:04

UFC heavyweight back in the day Almost beat Brock Lesnar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carlos 55:07

He was a D2. He was a.

Kyle 55:09

D2 school in the fucking in Gunnison Colorado. It was fucked.

Carlos 55:14

That sounds like it's like that's a terrible place to be. It was hell, dude. It was just all about wrestling.

Kyle 55:20

It was just like fucking 6 am lift, then you go to class, then it's practice after.

Ryan 55:28

Yeah.

Kyle 55:28

Immediately after class and they're like three-hour practices and they're fucked up.

Ryan 55:32

They're brutal. Like you thought high school, you think high school is bad it is D2.

Kyle 55:36

Not even yeah. High school was bad. It was D2.

Ryan 55:37

Not even yeah, and it fucking sucked it's not easy and I just stopped showing up to Dude. Imagine what they're going through at Penn State right now.

Kyle 55:45

That's what I'm saying. I just stopped showing up to lifts and practice and then I made sure nobody ever saw me again from that wrestling team.

Carlos 55:55

They're like where's Kyle? Did you Because?

Kyle 55:58

I was just like a walk-on. I just like walked on.

Ryan 56:01

How'd you end up landing? How'd you end up going?

Kyle 56:03

there, my college or my high school coach knows or knew the college coach for that college and it was like bro, it's like up in the mountains is a tiny school and it's like all these people who are like outdoorsy type dudes hunting fish. I fucking hate all that shit. So I was just playing fucking zombies Call of Duty zombies in my dorm, not going to class. It's like fuck it.

Carlos 56:28

Did you live by yourself or did you have roommates?

Ryan 56:30

Oh you did have that roommate. Oh fuck, I forgot about this guy.

Kyle 56:36

I did. I didn't have a roommate, but I yeah, let's, let's wrap this up actually.

Carlos 56:43

All right. Well, I guess we'll save that for the next one.

Kyle 56:47

Yeah, we can save that one. It's a little fucking that's golden.

GOODBYEE

Ryan 56:50

that's golden right there. That's golden, dude, that's golden. We've already given the fucking consumers a a little too much. What did you say last time? You said, dude, the fans are clamoring.

Kyle 56:58

They're clamoring dude. They're clamoring dude.

Carlos 56:59

We do have to save the story, but we gotta keep them biting at the nip dude.

Kyle 57:03

Yeah, just nibbling, just nibbling at my tit, really nibbling. Yes, dude, alright, well, but again we got Spotify. Yup, everywhere, Spotify Apple.

Carlos 57:15

Music. Rate us, send us questions.

Ryan 57:17

Rate us, send us videos. Do the Q&A on Spotify. There's a Q&A on Spotify.

Kyle 57:21

Hit us up on the Gmail at newestlows. Newestlows at gmailcom.

Ryan 57:26

Negatives, positive. Whatever you got to say, fucking say it.

Carlos 57:29

If you want to give us one star, please do it. It'll add to the count.

Kyle 57:34

Don't do that, though. If you don't like it, just give us at least two.

Carlos 57:36

if you don't like us Three.

Kyle 57:38

Three Dude, yeah three All right, I'll take three.

Carlos 57:41

I'll take three Because even if you're going on a one, to five scale of beauty like a hot chick.

Kyle 57:49

They'd have to be fugly as hell to be a one star.

Ryan 57:52

Hell yeah, 100%.

Kyle 57:54

Give us three at least, if you don't like it. Brittany Griner is a one, and if you don't like it, britney, Grinder is a one, and if you don't like it, give us three stars and then tell us how much you don't like Ryan, yeah please. Why would nobody like? Why would?

Carlos 58:04

they? Can you guys tell us how much you don't like Ryan, and then Ryan can plead his case, please? That would be awesome actually, I don't like Ryan because he has worn the same clothes for 15 hours.

Kyle 58:21

If you don't like me, fucking, say it, fuck off. Tell it to my face. Tell all of our listeners to fuck off. Alright, we're gone Bye.