Newest Lows

Episode 4: The Golden D

• Newest Lows • Episode 4

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Ever wonder how a seemingly normal conversation can spiral into a wild debate about the hidden risks of timeshare investments? Dive headfirst into the emotional whirlpools of family legacies, the management of epilepsy in daily life, and even the squirmy topic of stage fright in the bedroom. But don't let the depth fool you, as playfulness is never far behind with our hypothetical IRS escape plans and spirited discussions on the fine line between envy and fashion dominance. It's an adventure that'll have you pondering the significance of your own personal tastes, while navigating the serpentine turns of our collective humor.

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Carlos:

you guys can't be talking about shit. Nobody knows. Oh shit, there's some technicalities behind everything we have a.

Kyle:

We have a percentage pie of what man he's fucking telling me shit behind the camera, god damn it. We have a pie about how much when this podcast starts making hundreds and thousands of dollars.

Ryan :

And both of you fuckers already got knocked down. 10% Says who.

Kyle:

How do you know the exact statistics of it?

Carlos:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've been plotting, I have been plotting. How much are you getting? 25. 25?, 25,? Dude, yeah, your mic keeps cutting out bud. You're not going to have any of that Jesus.

Kyle:

Christ. What is going on, oh my God? No, keep going Again.

Ryan :

What did I tell you? Fuck you.

Carlos:

You're right, Fuck you. It's back now buddy.

Kyle:

Here we are, we're back, we're back. Another episode of this fucking podcast.

Ryan :

Of the newest lows and Kyle's bitches.

Carlos:

It's funny because it is funny because it has been some new lows.

Ryan :

It's new lows every single day of our fucking life. Carlos, it's fair.

Kyle:

Jesus, that's fucking depressing as fuck.

Carlos:

It's a fair point. Why do you?

Kyle:

say that You're reaching a newest low every single day of your life 99.8%. The hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper and deeper.

Ryan :

There always seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, and that light just goes out, bitch.

Carlos:

It just goes farther away. It's just going farther away.

Kyle:

It's like a dream when you're trying to run, you're chasing it Well, some dreams are fun.

Ryan :

Which ones, the ones where you're having fun.

Carlos:

All right. What about real life?

Ryan :

You can have fun over your life and then you wake up the next morning like damn.

Carlos:

I fucked up last night. You're just hurting from the night before.

Kyle:

I had a $200 fucking tab at the bar you got to pay it.

Ryan :

You were making fun of me because my shit was like $70. Look at this fucking guy.

Kyle:

Yeah, that was probably the most expensive bar tab I ever had. It was like $220. Where was this? I said oh my fucking.

Carlos:

God.

Ryan :

This was recently, not too recently, this was two years ago.

Kyle:

Not that long ago. Do you think that?

Carlos:

Ryan was putting his drinks on your tab. Shit, I wouldn't fucking put it past this fucking little sneaky bitch.

Ryan :

No, no, no. I tried to run off on the tab For the 70?.

Kyle:

He tries to run off on every fucking tab he tries to leave. Say Ryan, you can't do that.

Ryan :

You do kind of walk out.

Kyle:

I tried to run off, but kyle knew the bartender so I was like, oh yeah, like I know this, motherfucker, you can't do it.

Carlos:

Dude, damn, where was wait? Okay, this is a daytona.

Ryan :

Daytona beach, we had a bar unnamed for was it his sister bartending? No, it was, uh, I guess, one of Kyle's boys. He knew the bartender.

Carlos:

And then you ran off and Kyle was like what are you doing? No, no, no. I tried to. You talked about it.

Ryan :

I talked about it and then, like a bunch of them came up and I had to pay a tab 70 bucks Like 72, I think yeah and I was like no tip. No, I probably tipped him. No, he kyle's the bad tipper. Oh, here we go. He's the bad man I'm. I'm normally a pretty good tipper.

Carlos:

Besides, on doordash I tip like two dollar fifty or like, but when you go out you're a good tipper, are you shitting? Me what on doordash you tip a dollar they stole my food the other night one, yeah, one time if you would have tipped me a dollar, I would have stole your fucking food too. Fuck yeah.

Ryan :

They can see the tip. I do a dollar tip and then, once it gets delivered, then I do another.

Kyle:

Sure, sure you do I just did it last night.

Carlos:

You try to add more money after you paid.

Kyle:

Sure, you do.

Ryan :

Tell yourself that there's only so much you can do. Buddy, I can't help the fact that you're fucking idiot.

Kyle:

You can give them a fucking $5 to $10 tip before they fucking deliver your food.

Carlos:

Yeah, so they don't steal it back.

Ryan :

What'd you get that night? Chicken and shrimp, pasta and quesadillas. I would have ate that shit on the way to your fucking apartment.

Carlos:

Well, you don't even eat that much. What if they took a picture of an empty box?

Kyle:

Every time we order food out of town, you don't eat anything.

Ryan :

Well, I'm out of my dojo, I'm out of my dynamic and then your fucking stomach hurts from God knows what Garlic sauce. I'm lactose intolerant. I'm not supposed to be eating cheese, but I fucking love cheese.

Carlos:

Yeah, we know you're lactose intolerant. We know you love cheese and you're also lactose intolerant.

Ryan :

Fuck man, I also know you're fat and you look like a fucking goomba, so how about that?

Carlos:

At least. At least I can hold shit down. You eat anything and you just shit blood.

Ryan :

Oh, here we go, here we go.

Kyle:

Here we go.

Ryan :

That's the Everybody's favorite topic of discussion is shit and bread.

Kyle:

Well, no, it's just like why can't you take better care of yourself A little bit?

Ryan :

Just a little bit. I do take care of myself. What do you do?

Kyle:

What do you do that takes care of yourself. I shower. You don't even wash your hair.

Ryan :

I wash my hair fucking four times a week. I don't wash my hair every day. Four times a week I wash my hair, kyle, what days I have beautiful hair? My hair is luscious.

Carlos:

It is pretty luscious, it's a bowl.

Kyle:

It's a bowl.

Ryan :

I haven't got a haircut in like three months, your hair grows together. I have beautiful hair. My hair is ten times. I told you, give you four years. Your hair is going to be fucking gone, carlos, I'll just be fucking shiny.

Kyle:

Yeah, you just have to embrace the fact. You will go bald.

Carlos:

You will One hundred thousand percent. I'm not embracing it now.

Kyle:

No, me and Ryan will not go bald.

Carlos:

No, you don't think Ryan will go bald. No, no, I don't think so what kind of haircut are you going to get next, when you do get a haircut?

Ryan :

Probably a two to one. I'm going to shave it all off again and just say fuck it you look terrible when you do that. Well, I'm going to prison soon, so I might as well play the part.

Carlos:

You're going to prison Playing the part.

Kyle:

The fucking IRA is coming after his ass.

Carlos:

For tax fraud. That's why you're going to prison.

Ryan :

For tax fraud.

Kyle:

I mean, he said that already, well, he pays his taxes, but he doesn't pay his fucking debts.

Carlos:

His parking tickets.

Ryan :

Fuck parking tickets, speeding tickets Fuck them. Well, I pay speeding tickets. He can spend my license. But personal debt, credit card debt fuck them they can't do shit. Personal loan debt. They're coming after you. Time share debt. If that's a good one to talk about time share, you do have a well I guess you don't anymore.

Kyle:

You don't anymore. No, you did have a time share for a little while for 10 weeks you and your yeah, you and your ex-girlfriend went on a vacation to where, gatlinburg, tennessee, to tennessee and came back and you had bought a timehare. What the fuck.

Carlos:

What were?

Kyle:

you doing up in Tennessee Getting fucked up.

Carlos:

You could do that here man, why did you like accept that I didn't? You just signed some papers.

Ryan :

And put like $3,700 down.

Kyle:

Holy fuck.

Ryan :

Cash, credit cards, debit cards maxed out. Barely had enough money to get back home.

Kyle:

They must have had a killer, fucking sales pitch. They had a place to stay, though.

Ryan :

We did, we did. We had a place to stay.

Kyle:

How many times did you use that? It was a weird fucking timeshare, though, because you could, it wasn't a certain place, it was like everywhere, right, everywhere, but they had blackout dates.

Ryan :

Yeah, because you know what's fucked up. How many times do you think I used it Once?

Kyle:

Zero.

Ryan :

Yeah.

Kyle:

I used it zero amount of times. Exactly, and you know what's fucked up.

Ryan :

Fuck Me and her broke up and then, like six months later, they paid for us for a hotel in act like shit was normal. So you were not a couple, but shit was not normal. No, it was not, fucking normal.

Kyle:

You slept in the same bed.

Ryan :

Yeah.

Kyle:

You touched her, she touched you maybe.

Ryan :

I tried a couple times, but I don't know.

Carlos:

She just rolled over on the other side.

Ryan :

It just turned out it was a no.

Carlos:

Hard, no, so pass on timeshares. Don't get into a timeshare, no don't, I wouldn't do it.

Ryan :

No, no, do you?

Kyle:

know that every single person knows this already.

Ryan :

Why don't you try to get out of it. I already am out of it. I faulted on it 100,000%. Yeah, you're not out of the weeds.

Carlos:

yet, buddy, it's not easy to get out of.

Kyle:

Have you? You have no like. Everybody always says no timeshare. Do not buy a timeshare, it's a fucking scam. Everybody knows this. It's good if you use it. No, it's not, because it's like a random Wednesday in fucking July. That's horrible, that's not blacked out like a random.

Carlos:

Wednesday in fucking July. That's horrible. That's not blacked out. Take advantage of the day yeah.

Ryan :

Yeah.

Carlos:

You know what's fucked up.

Ryan :

Last time me and Kyle went to the beach, we drove right past one of the little hotels right there at Daytona Beach. Could you have stayed there For like 60 bucks a night? Yeah?

Kyle:

Just the price of a fucking.

Ryan :

Motel 6, but it's a nice hotel.

Kyle:

But it's a resort. It's not a resort.

Ryan :

It is a resort. Timeshare it's a resort. Yeah, it's not all inclusive Like fucking Like bougie, but it's a resort. Why couldn't y'all?

Kyle:

say that that hotel in Daytona Was not a fucking resort. Are you crazy? Oh my god. It was not a resort, it's a fucking hotel and it has a pool, two pools. That has two pools. How the fuck does that make it a resort? There's crackheads right in front of it.

Ryan :

Was it on the beach. It's not a goddamn resort, they're building a fucking seawall. So no more crackheads.

Kyle:

The crackheads aren't coming from the ocean man. They're coming from the other direction. The seawall is just blocking. The crackheads aren't coming from the ocean man.

Carlos:

They're coming from the other direction, the seawall, is just blocking the crackheads.

Kyle:

Build a fucking road wall. What are you talking about? That's not a resort, it's a fucking hotel Condominium.

Ryan :

Do you know what a resort is the only resort I've ever been to is the Swan. The one that we went to. Is that the Swan?

Kyle:

Yeah, I guess you could clarify that as a?

Ryan :

Is that where you guys went to the Swan? Is that where you went to the Swan? Yeah, Together.

Kyle:

At Disney.

Ryan :

No, not me and Kyle, we're not. Come on, come on.

Kyle:

We did go to Technically. We went together. Y'all were in the room together.

Carlos:

We did share the room.

Ryan :

But what Two beds. Two beds we stayed up to like Fucking.

Kyle:

Three thirty, that's that's I could fucking, but even that's Kind of skirting the line Of a fucking resort.

Ryan :

Do you remember how much those beer, those Bud Light buckets that I got Costing? I think it was like Fifty bucks.

Kyle:

For six of them and you gave her Like fucking Eighty and you're like Keep the change.

Carlos:

Big spender.

Kyle:

You literally come back with you spent like $80 on six Bud Lights.

Carlos:

She was like I'm not going back there. What the fuck? I'm not going back to that room.

Kyle:

You were like what the fuck, I will take the cash, Like why?

Carlos:

was it so expensive.

Kyle:

You're like I left her a fucking, I left her all the change you gave her like $100 or something.

Ryan :

Yeah, like something nuts. Some light for the day, buddy.

Carlos:

Shit.

Ryan :

Some light.

Carlos:

How'd that work out? Yeah, it was light for that day Did she come back with more beer.

Kyle:

No, no, it was only six fucking Bud Lights. You got to go back and refill the bucket. He spent like $100 on six Bud Lights. Fucking crazy At the Swan Bro. I know how much money you make because I make the same. I can't buy a fucking six Bud Lights for $100.

Ryan :

I can't either, buddy. Well, you did it.

Kyle:

You threw the money at it, just like you can't pay for a fucking timeshare. You're terrible with money, man.

Ryan :

I'm up a little bit of money right now.

Kyle:

I'm up a little bit right now. You're up a little bit, don't you?

Ryan :

want to stay there. That's why it's at my house. It's in my Tide Pod box. Where do you live, sanford? You put it in a Tide Pod box, in a little container. How are you up money From the casino? From the casino, how much are you up? I'm up.

Carlos:

I got like $1,100 of cash and I got some Alright chill dude.

Ryan :

I got some cheddar in my bank account.

Kyle:

Dude, damn Chill dude, some of your boys from Jax might come up fucking.

Carlos:

Looking they're gonna be like yo you wanna hang out.

Ryan :

I'm gonna suck my dick.

Carlos:

Damn. That's what you need to tell them, cause you're gonna be crashing at your place. Hell, no, fuck, no.

Ryan :

Duval.

Kyle:

It's not Duval. It's not Duval Duval, who's from Duval?

Ryan :

Not me.

Kyle:

Who's that dog? Who was on that? Fuck? What's his goddamn name? Rapper.

Carlos:

Rapper.

Kyle:

From Duval Rapper from. Duval, fulio, what'd you? Fulio Shut the fuck up. You talking about Fulio Carlos, not Fulio Young and Ace, not Young and Ace the other one coming up, nardo Wick.

Ryan :

Who.

Carlos:

Nardo Nardo, nardo Wick. I was not expecting that Nardo Wick, oh Lil.

Kyle:

Duval, you can guess where he's from.

Ryan :

He had Lil Baby out there in Duval.

Kyle:

Yeah, yeah, baby Jacksonville.

Carlos:

That's what I was saying. He's 5'2".

Ryan :

He's taller than him. He makes you look like a fucking skyscraper, tall as fuck. Yeah, you're tall as fuck, but you're also fat as fuck.

Kyle:

Why do you always gotta talk about people's weight, man?

Carlos:

Yeah, I can call you out, but I'm not going to Because I'm skinny, yeah but you got small meat, like we keep saying. I'm talking about your financial decisions.

Kyle:

I have comfortable financial decisions. You got a small bankroll and a small dick. Why is he calling?

Ryan :

me out like that dude, because I'm a shower, not a grower baby, no grower not a shower.

Carlos:

That's what it is.

Ryan :

I said that backwards I'm here, I said it backwards. I said it backwards. I'm sorry.

Kyle:

Yeah, I don't think I've ever met a person who says he's a shower and not a grower. You just whip it out. It's going to stay the exact same size.

Carlos:

You're like no, this is it no.

Ryan :

Stage fright is a real thing. It's a real thing.

Kyle:

Stage fright yeah, like sexually, yeah, yeah, for sure You're scared.

Ryan :

If you're scared of women like you are, you're scared of women, kyle.

Kyle:

I don't think I am, I think you are. How I can give you an example right now that you've talked about on a past episode.

Carlos:

Was this episode three or two?

Ryan :

Three.

Kyle:

One of them. One of them.

Ryan :

Well, it gets the best of you sometimes. All right, three, one of them. One of them Well, it gets the best of you. Sometimes you live and you learn, buddy.

Kyle:

All right, if I spend $700 on anything, I'm going to get a boner. You spent $700 and didn't. It's the way of the world, buddy, you're just scared of women, I think, and I've talked to Carlos about this.

Ryan :

We've had an in-depth discussion about this. Why are you guys speaking about me when I'm not?

Carlos:

there? What's going on? Why do you have to bring me into this?

Ryan :

What's going on here?

Kyle:

Small meat, scared of women. You're putting a pussy on a pedestal.

Carlos:

I was saying the same thing about Kyle, though, damn, you think so. I think you're scared, I'm scared.

Ryan :

Everybody outside of this podcast that has met Kyle thinks he's gay.

Carlos:

Yeah, that's true, there's some people that truly think you are gay.

Kyle:

My own family thinks I'm gay.

Carlos:

Shout out Kyle's family Shout out my mom, my stepdad.

Ryan :

At the 500,. Jeff asked me if you were gay and I said I don't think so, man. No, jeff asked you if you were his boyfriend.

Carlos:

I hope not, I fucking hope not. He was straight up with you. He was like if you want to love my Kyle, there's some rules.

Kyle:

It is kind of heartwarming because my grandma, my whole family, they're like we'll accept you, we don't care if you're gay I'm not fucking gay, but they care, I don't know, are you?

Ryan :

bisexual.

Kyle:

I think I'm fucking gay, maybe I, but they care, I don't know, are you bisexual?

Ryan :

I think I'm fucking gay.

Kyle:

I might be Maybe.

Ryan :

I'm asexual. Are you teeter-tottering on both sides Are?

Kyle:

you pitching and catching Shit. If I was catching, I already thought I'd be fucking throwing it. I'd be a power on the bottom.

Carlos:

You're a hardcore power bottom. I'm bringing power from the bottom.

Kyle:

You're good on the bottom. If that was the case, for sure, but I don't think it is Like subconsciously. I've never had a gay sexual experience so I couldn't tell you. But if you would, it's there.

Carlos:

You know how to work it. I'll bring the power.

Kyle:

But I don't long for it, I don't look for it, I don't dream about it.

Carlos:

You might be asexual, then what the fuck? Well, what the fuck is asexual?

Kyle:

Well, but asexual is like you would fuck anything.

Ryan :

Oh really I thought it was opposite. I thought that was fucking pansexual. Oh, look at this guy, phone's off.

Kyle:

Jesus.

Ryan :

Look at our executive producer over here.

Kyle:

All right, fucking producer, god damn, they just call you out.

Carlos:

E Damn my bad. Little boy called me, little boy called me.

Kyle:

Shout out little boy, put him on the mic. Lb. You know why I should put him on the mic. You should put him on the mic.

Carlos:

Wait, who is?

Kyle:

that Little boy, that's Eric's fucking dog. Eric's dog from I don't know if I want to say your fucking hometown.

Carlos:

No, I don't call it out there he is.

Kyle:

Oh shit, I'm above the door Is that. Ryan Davis what up, boy? You're on the pod, buddy, you're on the pod, damn he's here I'm on the pod.

Ryan :

Yep Dang, I just hit my newest low too.

Carlos:

Damn Damn LB Little boy. Shout out that dog. Damn, shout out the boys. Dogs. That dude got a dope ass car, does he? Lb Little boy shout out that dog. Damn, shout out the boys.

Kyle:

Dogs. That dude got a dope ass car, does he? What is Eric?

Carlos:

Is that the dude?

Kyle:

you guys Supra, is that the?

Carlos:

dude you guys met up with At one point.

Kyle:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, eric pulled off to the side of a fucking highway Just to get out the fucking driver's seat.

Carlos:

You guys were like hanging out yeah.

Kyle:

I was just standing alone Scared. Just get out the fucking driver's seat. You guys were like hanging out. Yeah, I was just standing alone scared. I thought I was going to get fucking kidnapped out there. Bro, that is the.

Ryan :

You were too big to get kidnapped. You know what I was saying no one could kidnap you.

Carlos:

They'd have to tie something.

Kyle:

That's the only point of being big and strong? You'd be a Nobody's coming to get you All right. Well, where are you going with this? Well, I'm just saying that's the point. You'd be a much easier sexual assault than I would.

Ryan :

No, no, no, 100%, oh yeah, no, I'm squirming and I'm fighting buddy.

Kyle:

They like that maybe, though who's they PJ People who, yeah the diddler?

Carlos:

Anybody who likes a sexual assault. Kyle versus Ryan.

Ryan :

We already know how this fucking goes.

Carlos:

But the thing is that's a possibility.

Ryan :

Me and Kyle have wrestled Four times now.

Kyle:

I think only like twice or three times, oh and three.

Ryan :

It's not possible. That's what I'm saying.

Kyle:

But you know what is possible Somebody my size getting a hold of you. Stop saying that it's not possible, it's not possible.

Ryan :

That's what I'm saying. But you know what is possible Somebody my size getting a hold of you. Yeah, stop saying that.

Kyle:

Stop fucking saying that. I'm just Stop saying that it's much harder for me than it is for you.

Carlos:

How.

Ryan :

If I caught you. I told you one hit wonder, dude You'd have to be.

Kyle:

It's one hit be If a big dog rolled up, saw me and you walking down the street.

Carlos:

They're snatching you. Yeah, they're not grabbing Kyle.

Ryan :

Yeah, fuck, no, he's too much to drag.

Carlos:

They can sweep your feet, they'll just fucking grab your ankles and hang you upside down.

Ryan :

What the fuck does that mean?

Kyle:

I don't know, they'll take your shoes, don't take my shoes.

Ryan :

They. What the fuck does that?

Kyle:

mean, I don't know, they'll take your shoes. Don't take my shoes. They'll run your fucking pockets. They'll take your shirt.

Carlos:

Don't take my shoes and your chain.

Ryan :

Oh, my chain Don't take any of that.

Kyle:

Don't yank everything and your belt and your fucking what is that over there, $20 Walmart chain my ass.

Ryan :

This is not a $20 Walmart chain K's K Jewelers.

Kyle:

Every kiss begins with K.

Ryan :

And I kissed myself after I got this chain.

Kyle:

You kissed yourself.

Ryan :

Yeah.

Carlos:

Did you kiss the chain?

Ryan :

Every day, every morning.

Kyle:

You got that on your knees and prayed. You said, thank you, god for this chain.

Ryan :

No, fuck the cross. I kissed the D. I kissed the D.

Kyle:

Wait, wait. I'm sorry, what I?

Ryan :

haven't Hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on. I kissed the deal, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry what I have a Hold on hold on, hold on Hold on hold on how do you have? Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on. I have.

Carlos:

How do you have the two? How do you have the two? That doesn't relate.

Ryan :

I have a cross pendant Whoa, whoa, all right, all right. That sounded so gay, that was not.

Carlos:

That's not how it meant to sound.

Ryan :

You got out on your knees and kissed what you kissed the. D first no, the D pendant dude.

Kyle:

Oh, yeah, he kissed it that sounded.

Ryan :

I can't you put your mouth on it. I can't come back from that. I can't come back from that If you see the video of the picture, you'll see.

Carlos:

You'll see. You'll see, flash it. I'm sorry.

Ryan :

I'm sorry, I got it right here.

Carlos:

What the fuck man? I don't think those two things should be together.

Ryan :

That's not how it's supposed to fucking sound, dude. I'm sorry, that's not how it's supposed to sound, dude, oh my goodness Lord, I'm sorry man. Jesus Lord, I'm sorry man. Jesus Christ, don't look at me. Do you want to wear my chain?

Kyle:

No, If he does, are you going to kiss the D?

Carlos:

I'll wear it lower.

Ryan :

You fucking motherfuckers.

Kyle:

What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

Ryan :

Yeah, come on, man, you know what I'm talking about. I don't know anymore. I'm kissing the D pendant Hold up.

Kyle:

I mean good on you, man Good on you?

Carlos:

No, not good on you at all.

Kyle:

My fucking whole family would love you. They're very open. They met you before. Yeah, they're very open to Ryan's kind. I think they're more open to Kyle's kind.

Carlos:

They're accepting of Kyle, which you come around.

Ryan :

Am I the femboy?

Carlos:

I think you're the boyfriend.

Ryan :

I'm the boyfriend, he's the girlfriend, he's Kyle Nice.

Kyle:

Yeah, I'm like androgynous. I feel like I don't even have a dick. I don't have a pussy either. I don't have a pussy either. I don't got nothing down there, man you have no feelings, yeah, or emotions, nothing.

Ryan :

Fuck, that sounded fucked dude.

Carlos:

Yeah that, yeah, that was fucked you can't have the D next to the cross.

Kyle:

Yeah, why not? Don't dwell on it, man, it's going to make it weird.

Carlos:

What did you say?

Ryan :

Where's your fucking gold chain at?

Carlos:

I don't have a gold chain. Where's that silver chain at? Don't have it on, why not?

Kyle:

Wear it on occasion Because, honestly, anybody who's wearing fucking chains like that is kissing D's like you.

Ryan :

I wear this shit every single day of my life.

Kyle:

I sleep.

Ryan :

Do I take it off when I sleep Nope.

Carlos:

Nope, that's fine man.

Kyle:

And you fucking kiss that big great.

Carlos:

D. You kiss that D every day.

Ryan :

Shit, the 10 karat white gold. D is what I kiss.

Carlos:

Every day you wake up.

Ryan :

When I brush my teeth.

Carlos:

yeah, Put the lips on the D.

Ryan :

Well.

Kyle:

I'm not religious. I mean, god damn it, man, I'm not religious like that. You know what I mean, why do you have a cross? Then you have a fucking Jesus pennant.

Ryan :

I told you I wanted to get the fucking Buddha one, but it was too expensive.

Kyle:

Buddha's religious too, motherfucker.

Ryan :

I had to get something. I don't fucking know. When I die, I'm going to go somewhere. It's probably hell, I don't fucking know.

Kyle:

You just say you're not religious, you shouldn't believe in hell.

Ryan :

I'm gonna go to hell.

Kyle:

How much was that Buddha piece? Yeah, how much was the Buddha one, not the one you bought.

Ryan :

This is the chain with the pendant was 900?.

Kyle:

Did you have to finance that? No, I paid it up. I paid it up.

Ryan :

But with the Buddha piece it was like 13. Ah, you got me fucked up. Why the Buddha piece? It was like $13. Ah, you got me fucked up. Now Fuck that.

Kyle:

Why the fuck would you want a Buddha piece in the first place? Just get the chain. He's always praying on me Buddha.

Carlos:

Hmm.

Kyle:

Do not fucking tell my fucking mom loves Buddha. Man, I grew up on Buddha. There's fucking.

Ryan :

Buddha statues. You grew up on New Age, metaphysical motherfucker.

Kyle:

Yeah, Buddha's in there. What the fuck does that mean? Buddha's in there. I love Buddha. Don't fucking say shit about it. Kyle would have paid for the Buddha piece. I would have paid no Because I would have had the money for it.

Ryan :

I had the money for it.

Carlos:

I think I would have respected you more if you had a Buddha piece than what you have on right now.

Kyle:

Yeah, it would have seemed more cultured. But yeah, I love Jesus. I love Jesus too. Do you want the pendant? Hey shit, motherfucker, I love Jesus. I swear to God what the fuck, does that mean?

Carlos:

Yeah, I feel like you're referencing something, yeah he is referencing something.

Kyle:

I don't know what it is yeah, he is referencing something. I don't know what the fuck he's referencing. You guys don't understand my comedy.

Ryan :

I don't, because you're so fucked, you guys don't even understand my fucking all the Instagram reels.

Carlos:

Dude the thing is all the Instagram reels I send you. You don't understand. You're fucking my algorithm told you you shouldn't add me to the fucking group chat on Instagram it took forever for us to find Kyle on Instagram, but we finally did and we finally broke his spirit. And he joined our group chat on Instagram and it is awful. You're fucking my algorithm up bud.

Ryan :

Awful is a bad way to put it. It's awesome, but it's also fucked.

Carlos:

Thank you, Ryan. No, it's fucked.

Ryan :

It's awesome I Fucked. Thank you, ryan.

Kyle:

No, it's fucked, it's awesome I love it, I love it, you like?

Carlos:

that mist basket.

Kyle:

Yeah, what kind of reels do I send you guys on?

Carlos:

Instagram Women that look like you. That's what it looks like.

Kyle:

That's what it is Dudes who look like me, pretending to be women. Yes, I'll send you some Siamese motherfuckers here and there.

Carlos:

I was a little curious, I'm like maybe Kyle might be straight.

Kyle:

No, I sent you that one of the. It's like if you miss this shot you're gay. Yeah, Obviously missed the shot. Yeah, Obviously made out with another guy immediately.

Carlos:

And then I'll watch him and I'm like what the fuck fuck am I watching? And I'll go back on my regular feed and then it pops up and I'm like Kyle is ruining this for me. It's fucking hilarious. No, it's not why it's traumatizing. I love it.

Ryan :

It's not that bad.

Kyle:

Thank you, ryan, it's not that bad you wish your fucking algorithm was as fucking wild as mine.

Carlos:

You guys have the same algorithm Twitter wise yeah, twitter wise, you just watch people fucking die on twitter I love it, I don't understand love it how instagram became a fucking.

Kyle:

You can just show crazy shit, but like crazy shit like I. I don't know if I've already said on another pod, but but like breastfeeding videos, full tits out. Breastfeeding a fake baby.

Carlos:

No, you haven't Fake baby. Wait what? They're not even breastfeeding a real baby.

Ryan :

No, I've seen all these videos. They're fucking awesome.

Kyle:

It's like a weird latex baby and they'll pull their tits out and they get away with it being like educational. That sounds fucked. It's fucking Some of them. Well, it's obviously not, they're faking breastfeeding a baby. They are Just to show their tits off, just because they have nice tits Because they're obviously didn't have a baby or are not pregnant. But Instagram has become like a fucking big old stew of weird stuff Weird stuff. And then Twitter became murder, death and porn.

Ryan :

That's all it is. That's all Twitter is.

Kyle:

If any fucking tweet you click on becomes porn.

Carlos:

You scroll down long enough. It sounds like that's just what you watch.

Kyle:

No, well, you don't have Twitter? I don't think, no, I don't have an ex. I've been on Twitter since I don't have fucking, I don't think, no, I don't have an ex. I've been on Twitter since oh, it's not even fucking Twitter anymore, damn it.

Ryan :

I've been on ex since 2013.

Carlos:

Damn but. I love it, the algorithm is always true.

Ryan :

I love it. Ex doesn't even have an algorithm like that. I'm sorry, your fucking algorithm is MLB the Show, carlos. It's motivational. And Madden it's motivational and maddened you like gay.

Kyle:

Yeah, that's fucking. I like gay. No, you said gay. The shit Pops up on your feed Is gayer Than two dudes kissing. No, yes, it is.

Carlos:

What do I send? That's so gay?

Kyle:

What you send? Nothing, nothing.

Carlos:

You send nothing of substance, so that's more gay than Two guys kissing. What did he send?

Kyle:

earlier. I don't even remember that's how fucking vanilla milk toast it was, are you?

Carlos:

joining in on this, ryan, at least I send shit where it's like fucking cool to watch.

Ryan :

We can pull up some videos. It's not cool to watch, but it's funny to watch.

Kyle:

Funny. I'm not saying it's not funny, it's not cool to watch, but it's funny to watch. Funny, it's funny to watch. I'm not saying it's not funny, it's interesting, but that's all you send Carlos.

Ryan :

you got to look at things outside of the scope, baby. That's all it is outside of the scope.

Carlos:

Yeah, you're wearing an extra small Versace shirt and Kyle is rubbing your leg.

Ryan :

Shut the fuck up. There's a video now, dumb shit. There's a video now, motherfucker, and I'm wearing a size too big on my shoes.

Kyle:

I am, I am. Your shoes are too big. They don't fit your body.

Carlos:

But it's okay, stop kissing.

Ryan :

It is okay Because, oh my God Carlos, oh my Carlos has been in a house of too many females for too fucking long.

Carlos:

I have no words. I'm on Carlos' side on this one, so you guys are just watching me. Kiss, yeah, eric doesn't like this shit either.

Kyle:

That was one video I fucking sent.

Ryan :

Okay, they're not old dudes kissing Eric. No, no, no, Hold on. Eric sent in our group chat a picture of what was his name James Charles.

Kyle:

Him chat a picture of what was his name james charles, him kissing another.

Ryan :

Oh yeah, he sent it three. No, it's just his ass, did you like? Like it, I deleted it immediately.

Kyle:

I deleted the message immediately that dude does have a fat fucking ass. Oh, oh shit, that dude did have a. If you didn't know, that was James Charles and another guy.

Carlos:

That is a video you sent.

Kyle:

Yeah, but you send worse. It is what it is, man, I think they're funny, I think they teach me more about the world it's educational. You know what it is, in what way? I've never these people exist.

Carlos:

They do Fuck them, they do.

Kyle:

Jeez man.

Ryan :

Yeah, you asked me. I've never been fat before. I want to learn how fat people live. Is that bad?

Kyle:

I do send a lot of fat content. There is a lot of fat people content.

Ryan :

They're fucking huge. I'm sorry, I have been skinny my entire life, never fat.

Carlos:

You should just like start wearing mascara. Why, if it's you?

Ryan :

What would my name be?

Kyle:

Rianne Riley.

Ryan :

Riley, that's one of my boys' names.

Kyle:

Riley, he's been listening too. Damn, shout out out, Riley.

Carlos:

Shout out Riley the Jerkin', gerker, baby the Jerkin'.

Ryan :

Gerker On you or what? The Jerkin' Gerkin? No, his name Jerk.

Carlos:

You know how to handle that you are a Sus little fucker, aren't you?

Kyle:

What do you mean? I kiss the D and my boy Is Jerkin' Gerker. I kissed the D in my boy's shirking gherker. Yo you sound like you suck at a thing, man.

Carlos:

Kissed the D every morning.

Ryan :

In a shirking gherker. It's my boy I just went golfing with last weekend.

Carlos:

What do you mean?

Ryan :

by that. We went golfing, played nine holes Because I was late, fastened to late, just had to rush through it. I was lateened to late, just had to rush through it.

Carlos:

I was late. You why. You went to the casino, remember.

Ryan :

Went to the casino. We got back.

Kyle:

You guys were fucking gone. That's why I didn't go. We got back at 4am in the morning.

Ryan :

Fuck that dude. I was supposed to be in St Augustine by like Nine. So you just like got a, you went back and left. No, I woke up. I woke up at like 10, 10.30. You're supposed to be there in an hour and a half Did you win some money At the casino. Yeah, hell, yeah, I won like $4.55.

Carlos:

Okay, that ain't bad.

Ryan :

My biggest come up so far, but I'm still down, probably about a grand.

Carlos:

From the casino.

Kyle:

Yeah, from the casino. Yeah, you're just. You are A casino's fucking Perfect little person.

Ryan :

I just spit it out, goldman.

Kyle:

I love that shit. Give me a pack. You are exactly.

Ryan :

Who they're looking for. Give me a pack of Newport shorts, a lighter, a couple beers.

Kyle:

I'm in there for like 10 hours you are who they market to Cause you go in and you're fucking On one slot machine. Lose 20 real quick, move on, you're scurrying around there.

Carlos:

Cause you gotta pay cash right.

Ryan :

Why you love that word scurrying around.

Carlos:

That's what you do. You do scurry you do scurry around.

Ryan :

How much did you take out? I went there with. I went there with 130 originally and I bought two beers and the fucking bartender was sexy, so I gave her 10 bucks.

Carlos:

She was hot so I gave her 10 bucks like 10%.

Kyle:

He's like a child thinking a bartender's going to be like oh my god, you're actually pretty cute, you're wearing. Versace.

Ryan :

And you gave me a nice tip.

Kyle:

Would you like to go out sometime?

Ryan :

Oh, I was wearing Bape, not Versace.

Kyle:

Oh the bathing ape A Versace. Oh the bathing ape, a bathing ape dude. Very cool.

Ryan :

Very cool. So what happened? Nothing. I got two beers and I went about my way. Did you have a good night?

Kyle:

though. What happened at the casino? Dumb shit. I won some money.

Ryan :

I won a bunch of money. I was up like 500, and I hit, hit slot machines and I lost like 400.

Kyle:

Oh, my god, why do you go?

Ryan :

to the slots man.

Kyle:

Yeah, I was up. Like Slots are not it I? Was up like 500.

Ryan :

And then our producer Eric came and found me, he found you, he came and found me. And then we went to the roulette table and I was about to go. Yesterday I talked myself off the ledge. Yeah, don't go again, I'm going on Monday in Fort Myers, oh shit.

Carlos:

I'm going meet Ryan out there.

Ryan :

Come and see me meet and greet oh damn, it's called a meet and greet. No, I ain't, I ain't going what?

Kyle:

fucking casino Is in Fort Myers.

Ryan :

The one that Carlos' mom goes to.

Kyle:

In Immokalee.

Carlos:

That sounded like an insult, but it's true, you're gonna go to the Immokalee Casino, seminole Casino.

Ryan :

Is it a Seminole Hard Rock one? Yeah, nice, I just found my card.

Carlos:

I just found my little.

Ryan :

My little points card.

Carlos:

Nice. Well, meet and greet, meet Ryan, meet and go find him.

Ryan :

You can meet me with my shirt off.

Carlos:

It's a good time Take pictures with him.

Kyle:

It's $5 each If you're a girl, you also have to take your shirt off. That's what Ryan said.

Ryan :

Not $5 each. One beer each.

Kyle:

Just bring me a beer, not even any money.

Carlos:

That's more than five dollars at a casino. Six bucks each, six for the bottle. How much for a draft? Do you think Six bucks?

Kyle:

No Same oh no for draft.

Ryan :

I only get bottles.

Kyle:

Dude, those fucking. That sounded bougie as hell. I only get bottles. Well, I'm Talking about Bud. Light no we went like three weeks ago I got a double.

Ryan :

Jack and Coke $26 fucking dollars.

Kyle:

Me and Carlos told you not to get a fucking.

Ryan :

Jack and Coke. I tipped four bucks.

Kyle:

Jack and Coke's at the casino are $30.

Carlos:

They're a $30 drink.

Ryan :

Goddamn dollars $30.

Kyle:

Drink right there, you can buy a fucking bottle of Jack for less than that.

Carlos:

You can buy two at that rate.

Kyle:

God bless America, but this is the fucking this is the land of the free baby. Home of the brave, home of the brave. You are a Braves fan, I am a Braves fan, pussy.

Ryan :

Fuck the Red Sox.

Kyle:

The fucking Declaration of Independence. Carlos wasn't born here, so he doesn't give a shit about it. Born where my ancestors built this fucking country.

Ryan :

Kyle, you do realize you are the only non-Florida boy on the mic right now.

Carlos:

Yeah, I can thump you in the dick right now if I wanted to.

Kyle:

Yeah, you could, but you're wrong.

Ryan :

Hey guess what? Colorado fucking sucks, dude, it doesn't suck. I love it out there. It was fucking awesome.

Kyle:

Colorado sucks. It was a good time. It was a great time. You've never been dumb shit.

Carlos:

It's a great time. I don't care too.

Kyle:

My ancestors built this fucking great country.

Carlos:

Bunch of fucking whack jobs.

Ryan :

You know what's fucked up when I was back in Denver in 2019, if I'd have saw Like on sight, on sight.

Carlos:

Just straight wailing why. Straight forehead and fist baby. Why? What would he have done to get you mad? He's a fucking douche canoe.

Kyle:

Yeah, he's a straight douche canoe, just on sight.

Carlos:

Do you think he would have been like flexing the mirror or something?

Ryan :

Probably In a gas station parking lot, in a gas station bathroom.

Carlos:

With no mustache, just a beard. You would have been. With no mustache, just a beard.

Kyle:

You've been fucking. Stop touching my penis, man. Damn. Somebody farted back there, back behind the mic you can't control yourself.

Ryan :

Our live audience just fucking farted. That was me, was that you? I laughed, oh my God, I laughed and I farted. I'm sorry, bro, put the fucking mic down there.

Kyle:

if you're going to fart, at least God damn it I laughed. Sniff it, dude Carlos. I swear to fucking God, if you keep stepping on my microphone cord, I'm going to fucking kill you?

Carlos:

How do you know? I do that every time it's not me.

Kyle:

My feet don't reach the ground.

Ryan :

I'm too short, do my feet reach the ground.

Carlos:

No, give me your shoes.

Kyle:

Fuck you. Yeah, run his shit right now. I will, don't you.

Ryan :

Fuck your shoes, dude, don't Fuck off. Fuck off, motherfucker, fucking my shit up right now, carla.

Kyle:

Well, it's just cause Carlos thinks he's on the fucking Red. So up right now, carlos. Well, it's just cause Carlos thinks he's on the fucking Red. Sox right now. He puts on a fucking jersey. You are not DP.

Carlos:

Sign me up.

Kyle:

You are not DP, sign me up, dude. This ain't batting practice right now.

Carlos:

You don't have a fucking 50 million dollar deal. He said DP, not DP.

Kyle:

Yeah, and that's why I said this isn't batting practice Cause I know, kyle, do you know who DP?

Ryan :

is not DP. Yeah, and that's why I said this isn't batting practice, kyle. Do you know who DP is? Dp, dp.

Carlos:

DP15? Yeah, no he doesn't.

Ryan :

I know that.

Kyle:

He does not know that what's his full?

Carlos:

name the person DP. Yeah.

Kyle:

That played for the Red Sox Red.

Ryan :

Sox legend Damien Pierce.

Carlos:

No, no, no no. He's an infielder, try again. You will never get it Because you don't know shit about anything. Dylan Paris.

Ryan :

No, shut up.

Carlos:

Dude shut up.

Kyle:

Dustin Pejora.

Ryan :

I was going to say that next, shut the fuck up. I was going to say that next, dustin Pejora. I knew it, legendary second baseman.

Kyle:

Yeah, but who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck?

Carlos:

Not you.

Kyle:

Every time you guys talk about baseball, I want to fall the fuck asleep. Why?

Ryan :

I swear to God, go to sleep. Why Go to sleep? My team is number one in the nation right now. Buddy, go ahead.

Kyle:

Talk about baseball for a little bit, because that seems like all you guys want to talk about is just fucking baseball all the time.

Carlos:

Why are you wearing a?

Kyle:

visor inside. That's like asking why people wear a fucking hat inside. It's the same fucking thing, idiot. You're the only one.

Carlos:

In this fucking room? What room do they all wear?

Kyle:

hats inside Everywhere.

Ryan :

Where.

Kyle:

Wearing a hat inside is not the same as wearing sunglasses inside.

Ryan :

Give me a fucking pair of sunglasses. I'll put them on right now. Yeah, I know you would, you fucking bitch. I'm a bitch because I want to wear sunglasses.

Kyle:

Yeah, you know what I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you a fucking, a word.

Carlos:

You can't say anymore what, Just slap him dude. I'm white Kiss him on the face.

Kyle:

Both of you, why'd you just fucking whack your head. I accidentally hit myself in the head. God damn it.

Carlos:

Well, who are you?

Kyle:

I'm sorry.

Carlos:

Excuse me, excuse me.

Kyle:

What were you about to say?

Ryan :

We are.

Kyle:

Yeah, we've been here, dipshit.

Carlos:

We've already been here, buddy.

Kyle:

Bang, bang, Skeet, skeet motherfucker Kiss.

Ryan :

Why don't you put your Damn?

Kyle:

you got big ass ears. Carlos did buy brand new headphones that made I said it from the beginning. They look funny as hell they don't even Look at his earlobe. They're hanging out. I can feel it hell, they're hanging out.

Carlos:

I can feel it. They're hanging out. How do they look? Now, that's good, oh man I want to.

Kyle:

What type of legacy do you want to like? Leave your child like you like what? What do?

Carlos:

you want to leave. I don't know if you want to get into that right now, man oh, you're gonna go way too fucking deep.

Kyle:

I'm just gonna start crying carlos always. He always goes way too fucking deep yeah, I remember we were getting fucked up at your house one time and your daughter was gone and you had facetimed your daughter and then came back out and your eyes were watering.

Ryan :

You're crying well, he, what he? No, no, no, hey. Hey, I'll give Carlos the benefit of the doubt on that one, because he was fucked up before the time, before we already got there. Oh my God.

Kyle:

He was fucked up. I love my daughter. Dude, Leave me alone.

Carlos:

Listen, are you okay? I said no.

Ryan :

So I just FaceTimed his dog. It was beating the fuck out of his dog. No, he wasn't.

Kyle:

No he wasn't. I didn't do that, dude. I didn't do that. He absolutely was not doing that?

Carlos:

I didn't do that, dude. Why are you accusing me of that?

Kyle:

She's a great, she's a good dog. That was.

Ryan :

That was conference championship weekend.

Kyle:

That's why we Don't double down, man.

Ryan :

Don't call out the facts. What do you mean? We were watching the ACC Championship.

Kyle:

We were the ACC Championship who got his fucking leg snapped in half.

Ryan :

Jordan Travis. Jordan Travis got his leg snapped in half.

Kyle:

He doesn't even remember him watching that shit. That weekend you beat the shit out of your dog.

Carlos:

I love my dog. Don't let these guys lie to you.

Ryan :

Hey, hey, I got whipped as a kid, so it's all right. You got whipped. Your mom whipped you With a belt. Yeah, Leather belt.

Carlos:

His mom's boyfriend.

Ryan :

Shut the fuck up.

Kyle:

Shut the fuck up. Does your mom listen to this? No, all right, no Good, because you said your mom has a boyfriend who's epileptic.

Ryan :

He's epileptic. Yeah, he's like she's doing shit. I don't fucking know. I'm not going to question my mom.

Carlos:

It's my fucking mom.

Ryan :

It's my mom.

Kyle:

Right, but our intern over here brought up a valid, A valid no we're not going down that fucking dark road.

Ryan :

We're not going down that fucking road, Kyle.

Kyle:

You brought up a valid thing.

Ryan :

Unless you want to turn the camera around to see our intern get beat the fuck up.

Carlos:

Let's see it, we're not.

Kyle:

How do you have sex if you're an epileptic?

Ryan :

I don't know and I don't want to know it's not easy. I don't want to think about my mom's what she does in her free time.

Kyle:

All I want to think about is the conversations that we have buddy, and when I see her being epileptic and having sex, it's got to be pretty rough. If you do have an episode, how do you have a seizure? Strong power bottom, and I think our intern said Jackrabbit, that's probably the easiest way to go about that. Dude, how do you drive with epilepsy Like bad epilepsy?

Ryan :

You can't drive. There's no way. He can't drive your epilepsy. You can't drive, he can't drive.

Kyle:

There's no way, oh he.

Ryan :

He can't drive.

Kyle:

Your mom's boyfriend can't drive Nope, so she drives. What the fuck?

Ryan :

So she drives and my brother drives.

Kyle:

Damn. He has it bad like that. He can't even get a license. Or if you have epilepsy at all. You can't get a license. No, I don't think you can. No, I think it's not. They take it away, but I think it's like you. Yeah, you can't fucking pass. You can't pass the driving test. It's a medical, it's like being a little Well, but little people have. They can drive cars With foot pedestals. Dude, those cars cost a fuckload.

Carlos:

It's a lot of money to install that stuff.

Kyle:

People who have no legs can drive. They drive it like a game.

Ryan :

How do you feel about your stepdad plowing your mom Putting?

Kyle:

a baby in two and everything. Yeah, it's fine, they had a baby. My little half-brother how?

Ryan :

do you feel about?

Kyle:

that it is what it is.

Ryan :

It is what it is.

Kyle:

Everybody has sex except you.

Ryan :

Besides, you got me fucked up, Kyle.

Kyle:

I mean, it is what it is, man. Your mom fucking has sex more than you do. That's got to be.

Ryan :

What are you doing? You fucking throw me in a square.

Kyle:

My mom has sex more than I do.

Ryan :

We all have had sex more than you have.

Kyle:

How many? What's your body count, ryan? How many women have you been with? Four, I knew that was the number. How many? What's your body count, ryan? How many women have you been with? Four, I knew, I knew that was the number.

Ryan :

Cause you know what's fucked up the most about it? Huh, spent three strippers and one and one.

Kyle:

And one, yeah one, normal girlfriend. Three strippers, one gal.

Ryan :

But the first one. I didn't pay for anything. I'll put that. I'll take that to the grave.

Kyle:

She had just happened to be a stripper.

Ryan :

She was just a stripper. Yeah yeah, she came over to the crib and I fucked her Did you ever go and see her at work.

Kyle:

All the time you were keeping watch.

Ryan :

That's how we rekindled things.

Kyle:

You said, motherfucker, better not get handsy. I'll fucking put my forehead on. I don't give a fuck. I was like 19.

Ryan :

She was giving me free drinks and shit. Shit that works.

Kyle:

Yeah, don't fucking talk to me about everybody having more sex than I have when you have four. What are you? What are you?

Ryan :

at.

Kyle:

Shit. You don't even want to know the number. Oh guys, I don't think your brain can process how high this number is.

Ryan :

Two Eight Eight. Shit the amount of times you had sex with the Milf with the fake tits.

Kyle:

No man, I'm counting one, that's one. Individuals Eight individuals. No, you have not Swear to god.

Ryan :

No.

Kyle:

I don't Hold on, let me count.

Carlos:

He's gonna start using his fingers.

Ryan :

All he has to do is count his balls One, two, that's it.

Kyle:

Kyle, good one man. I'm done, man. I'm done with this fucking bullshit.

Ryan :

What do you mean?

Kyle:

I'm not taking this fucking slander from you.

Ryan :

Oh, this is slander. Now I'm not taking it.

Carlos:

Don't throw glass, don't throw rocks, don't throw glass at a stone house, brother, that shit will break, don't throw stones.

Kyle:

If you live in a glass house, motherfucker Bitch Alright. I think that's an episode, fellas Cheers.

Ryan :

I don't think it is. I think we still have more to go on. Fuck. What do you mean fuck?

Kyle:

I just don't like talking to you, man.

Ryan :

Why you always want to get on me when I throw the ball back at you.

Carlos:

Ooh, look at this guy. I think you guys should shake hands, I'll beat his ass.

Kyle:

It always comes. You're always such a physical, you always act like such a physical guy Because I'm a big macho man, you're just a little pussy, a little pussy. Yeah, look at those fucking beats you're wearing on your head right now? Yeah, man, I got these like ten years ago. Look at your whole fucking outfit, asshole. You're wearing a Versace shirt three sizes too small, idiot. I always wear my.

Ryan :

I told you this before I always wear my shirts too small. I like them too small.

Kyle:

It's not a good look, asshole. Why not Look at you? Nobody thinks this is a good look.

Ryan :

Ask the bitches.

Kyle:

Ask the bitches. It's because every time you send your outfits to your mom, she says oh no, you look so good.

Ryan :

You look like such a grown little boy. You know what happens when I send it to my brother or my boys what Nothing good.

Kyle:

Nothing good.

Ryan :

Nothing good. They got some derogatory statements to say, oh fuck man.

Kyle:

I'm sure I can guess what they're saying. Yeah, you're dressed like.

Carlos:

Everything's too tight.

Kyle:

I like it, like that. It is what it is man.

Ryan :

I'm trying to show off the muscles I don't have.

Carlos:

Yeah, I can see that.

Kyle:

Yeah, I just don't understand the drip at all.

Carlos:

I don't understand it at all.

Ryan :

Jordans, bali, versace, levi's baby.

Carlos:

Yeah just because it's like brands.

Kyle:

People know. Say it again Come on man, we all have a. We need to be nicer to each other. I think.

Carlos:

Ryan, I see what you mean by your clothes Swag. I think I can help you out.

Ryan :

Help me out with what I think. The vision's there, but you know.

Kyle:

There's no execution Dude you know what?

Ryan :

I tell Eric all the time, our producer, I'm going to be a fucking model one day. I'm going to be a fucking model. I'm going to be on the runway.

Kyle:

I hate to break it to you. I think you're past your prime buddy. Hey, I'm in my prime.

Ryan :

I'm not past my prime. I'm in my fucking prime.

Kyle:

I either get hit with 30 or 18. Those models are like tiny little sweet boys.

Ryan :

I'm also not getting my butthole taken.

Carlos:

Guess what? Because that's not happening. No.

Kyle:

Diddy, you work in the sun, you work outside.

Carlos:

Those boys have never seen the sun. You work outside.

Kyle:

Those boys have never seen the sun. They're smooth. You have an advantage on them. They're smooth, that's fine, you're not. I'm still.

Ryan :

You're bumpy man. I'm not bumpy, you are. What the fuck is bumpy man? What the fuck?

Kyle:

What is bumpy man? What is that? Those models are smooth and you're a bumpy guy Bumpy yeah. What 5'2 ginger model have you ever seen?

Ryan :

I'm 5'6". We're going to know how to correct that. No, you're not 5'6".

Carlos:

I am 5'6".

Ryan :

I fucking measure myself. Oh my.

Carlos:

God, I measure myself 5'6".

Kyle:

Come on, man, we all have a podcast together. We got to be cool, we got to be nice. Fuck you, fuck you.

Carlos:

I'm just sitting back and watching this happen.

Ryan :

Well, all the way is cool, but you all hit the fucking pressure points.

Carlos:

Yeah, you hit them in like the Kung Fu Panda fucking points. Just be like bang, bang, bang, but why? I don't understand where this comes from.

Kyle:

Yeah, why are you so jealous of Brian? Yeah, why are you?

Ryan :

so jealous of Ryan.

Kyle:

Don't say jealous.

Carlos:

He's envious. Why are you so envious with Ryan?

Ryan :

He's envious. You wish you had drip like me, dude.

Carlos:

I am the drip guy.

Ryan :

You guys are just arguing and it seems like you should kiss Next thing. You know I'm going to help Kanye create the next fucking phone booth.

Kyle:

Oh shit, Ye's fucking starting a porn site. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.

Ryan :

You're out of it. I'm not doing that. No, he's out immediately.

Carlos:

No kind of context. I love Kanye, but I'm not doing that. No, I'm not doing that Fuck?

Ryan :

no, I'm not doing that Fuck no, why. No no, no.

Kyle:

If Ye brought you in, I was like we want you, oh my.

Ryan :

God, we want you. What am I signing the dotted line for? How much?

Kyle:

Shit however much. How much would it cost if Ye came to you and was like I love your drip?

Carlos:

He's just fucking dancing. I love how you move around in this world.

Ryan :

10 mil, 10 mil, 10 mil. That's it 10 mil, 10 mil.

Kyle:

You could do a lot with 10 mil?

Ryan :

Yeah, you'd spend it all.

Kyle:

No shit you could do a lot with 10 mil.

Ryan :

What's the first thing?

Carlos:

you're doing with 10 mil?

Ryan :

I'm gonna bless the boys a little bit. Bless the boys and give some money to my mom. I appreciate it.

Carlos:

How much do you know the individual amount that we're getting? How much am I getting? Who's getting the most? Yeah, what am I getting?

Ryan :

Me Carlos and Eric 500 a piece, 500k, 500k a piece. Okay, and then my mom's getting mail and then I'm Going on a bender.

Kyle:

And I'm gonna disappear. We always said, if you win the lottery, you're gonna die Two weeks later After you get the money.

Ryan :

Not two weeks. Well, don't get, don't cut it that short. Maybe give me like six months.

Carlos:

That's a reasonable amount of time Six months.

Kyle:

I think you're gonna Fucking try to buy drugs and overdose immediately.

Carlos:

I think you need to hire Like an assistant To make sure you don't.

Ryan :

Well, I can't have Kyle. He's gonna be a fucking dumb cunt the whole time. No, not Kyle.

Carlos:

Kyle will take your money. I'll try, I'll siphon some off.

Kyle:

I'll try to steal some. I'll be. I'd be so bitter I'd be like this fucking asshole wins all this money.

Carlos:

I'd absolutely take some you would trust Kyle with your money Zoo.

Kyle:

I'd fucking. If my mom won the lottery, I'd take some money from that. Are you not trustworthy? I swear to God.

Ryan :

So what happens if I go to the casino next week and I win 1.75 million?

Kyle:

1.7 million, I win $1.75 million $1.7 million.

Ryan :

I win $1 million. How much in?

Carlos:

taxes. Do you have to pay for that? I'm running.

Kyle:

He's walking out on that tab too. You're just going to get the cash and leave.

Ryan :

I'm putting it in. They give me my money.

Carlos:

I'm out. Where are you going? Brazil, cuba.

Kyle:

Colombia? No he would. He'd get fucking fried by the IRS.

Carlos:

Yeah, you're gone.

Ryan :

I'm going to.

Carlos:

Medellin, we're going to get a random letter. Hey guy are you?

Kyle:

Jason Bourne, you're not running from the government man, they're going to find you your slight work.

Ryan :

What is Diddy doing right now?

Kyle:

He's worth a billion fucking dollars. Give me two years. You're going to turn that 1.7 mil into a bill Into a bill.

Ryan :

I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone.

Kyle:

That boy's gone. I'm gone. No, bro, they're going to fucking Because you're going to be dying.

Carlos:

They'll find you immediately oh immediately.

Ryan :

Well, how do you think I would?

Kyle:

go out. What does Eric always say? They're going to find you in a ditch somewhere, dad, in a ditch somewhere.

Carlos:

It's like it wasn't even us, it was someone else. I can see you going out, pretty cool.

Ryan :

Just getting blasted In a blaze of glory. Yeah, a bunch of liquor.

Kyle:

I could honestly, probably see you overdosing in a donkey show.

Ryan :

Oh, a dog fight arena.

Kyle:

No, a donkey show In a donkey show. Yeah, a lady getting fucked by a donkey.

Carlos:

Jesus Christ, you'd think they would have.

Ryan :

Ryan.

Kyle:

He'd go to Mexico. He'd go to the easiest one.

Ryan :

No, I'm going to. I'm going to Colombia. I'm going to Colombia.

Kyle:

I'd be gone.

Ryan :

You, you're going to go to Colombia, I'm going to Medellin, medellin, medellin.

Carlos:

Oh, where is? Is that? Is that Escobar, you?

Kyle:

think a little fucking pasty redhead white boy is going to survive in Medellin. You live and you learn, just because he saw Narcos. That's all he's going off of. He's going straight there. He just saw Narcos.

Ryan :

I'm a chameleon, I can adapt.

Carlos:

No, you're not, they're going to throw you in the fucking cage with the rest of you.

Ryan :

No, you're not, I'm pod boss.

Kyle:

You're going to use your fucking debit card. One time They'll find you. Yeah, they'll get your ass. I'm just trying to buy some pods. Yeah bro, you're going to go to.

Ryan :

Columbia. You just want nicotine. I want to go to Columbia like bad. Why, bad bitches?

Kyle:

Disappear. There's bad bitches everywhere. You know how corrupt it is down there. How fucked that shit is that.

Carlos:

Bad bitches everywhere.

Kyle:

You know how corrupt it is down there, how fucked that shit is. That's how easy it is.

Carlos:

That's where Carlos is from what are you talking about, you, columbia?

Kyle:

I'm not Columbia. I'd have a lot more money right now if I were he could tell you the horror stories.

Ryan :

dude, what's it like?

Kyle:

People like you, a bunch of white boys see narcos and think they can go to Colombia and survive, you'll fucking be gone, man, fuck it, I'll go to.

Ryan :

I'll go to Senegal, where?

Kyle:

do you? Where is that? Tell me where that is Africa Is it? Is it in? Yeah, senegal is Africa, yeah.

Ryan :

One of my boys used to live in Senegal. What did he do in fucking Senegal? His parents were United Nations ambassadors and he lived on a fucking 100-acre compound out there Privilege.

Carlos:

Yeah, not going to happen, I can show you his address.

Ryan :

I have it on my phone right now. I'm good.

Kyle:

I'd go to fucking Swaziland.

Ryan :

Where the fuck is that it's in Africa.

Kyle:

I did a book report on it one time in elementary school.

Ryan :

You know where you belong South.

Kyle:

Africa, the.

Ryan :

Caribbean. You belong in South Africa, south Africa.

Kyle:

That was just African.

Ryan :

Kissing a bunch of dudes out there. You know what I mean.

Kyle:

Kissing dudes in South Africa.

Ryan :

What's it with I?

Carlos:

think they fucking execute gay dudes there.

Ryan :

Don't act gay. What happened to Dew Presley or whatever his name was? Dew Presley, the dude who beat.

Kyle:

Strickland, I don't know what you're talking about. Ufc.

Ryan :

Strickland. Yeah, who did Strickland?

Kyle:

lose to in the top five. I don't know, it is funny white dudes who are like yo I'm from Africa, I'm in Africa, I'm bringing this belt back for Africa. Just the white dudes, just the fucking pasty white guy, be like damn, you can't take that belt back to Africa. Shove it in your mouth.

Ryan :

That's crazy. You're so fucking gay, carlos, don't get started, dude you get literally three beers in you and you start touching me.

Kyle:

You're feeling up on me. You're talking gay shit, I think that's quite the opposite.

Carlos:

No it's not, 100% not.

Ryan :

I'm agreeing with Kyle 100%.

Carlos:

Because you guys touch each other.

Ryan :

No, you don't touch Kyle. Me and Kyle go on journeys together. We're hunting like the animals we are. You're goddamn right.

Carlos:

After each other.

Kyle:

No, what are you hunting? Ryan's like a little meerkat. I'm a lion.

Carlos:

Shut the fuck up Exactly.

Ryan :

I'm not a meerkat. Don't try to group me into your shit.

Carlos:

Kyle's like a lion and I'm a hippo.

Ryan :

Like Timon and Pumbaa. How?

Kyle:

the fuck, are you a hippo man?

Carlos:

Because I'm a savage Hippos, do kill like more people.

Ryan :

Hippos are pretty savage. Any animal in Africa. I'm a fucking savage. I'm a savage. Yeah, you're a savage, I'm a fucking savage.

Kyle:

You're a savage for fucking sucking D and getting on your knees.

Ryan :

If you see the fucking video, you see it's on my fucking chain. Nah, it's on your chin, I'm not a religious.

Kyle:

Nah, it's on your chin bitch.

Ryan :

I'm not a religious fuck, so I got a Jesus pendant. I don't know what the fuck it's there for, but it keeps you safe?

Kyle:

I'm Christian asshole. You don't deserve that.

Ryan :

You're not Christian. I said, oh you fuck.

Kyle:

I think that's an episode fellas. Let's get the fuck out of here Please. For the love of God, get me out of here. We need to go.

Ryan :

Me and Kyle are going to go fight in the backyard.

Carlos:

We'll get it on video.

Ryan :

Round, one of the three rounds. I'm coming out victorious. I'm going to fucking knock his ass out, carlos.

Kyle:

Where's your salesman voice?

Carlos:

Here we are, see us out. Find us on everything YouTube, spotify, facebook.

Kyle:

Apple Podcasts.

Carlos:

Apple Podcasts Kyle's butt.

Kyle:

Not Facebook. Stop saying Facebook, see ya.

Carlos:

Hair loss reduction.

Kyle:

Goodbye oh.