Episode 4: The Golden D

Ever wonder how a seemingly normal conversation can spiral into a wild debate about the hidden risks of timeshare investments? Dive headfirst into the emotional whirlpools of family legacies, the management of epilepsy in daily life, and even the squirmy topic of stage fright in the bedroom. But don't let the depth fool you, as playfulness is never far behind with our hypothetical IRS escape plans and spirited discussions on the fine line between envy and fashion dominance. It's an adventure that'll have you pondering the significance of your own personal tastes, while navigating the serpentine turns of our collective humor.

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Transcript

Carlos 0:05

you guys can't be talking about shit. Nobody knows. Oh shit, there's some technicalities behind everything we have a.

Kyle 0:12

We have a percentage pie of what man he's fucking telling me shit behind the camera, god damn it. We have a pie about how much when this podcast starts making hundreds and thousands of dollars.

Ryan 0:28

And both of you fuckers already got knocked down. 10% Says who.

Kyle 0:34

How do you know the exact statistics of it?

Carlos 0:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've been plotting, I have been plotting. How much are you getting? 25. 25?, 25,? Dude, yeah, your mic keeps cutting out bud. You're not going to have any of that Jesus.

Kyle 0:48

Christ. What is going on, oh my God? No, keep going Again.

Ryan 0:53

What did I tell you? Fuck you.

Carlos 0:57

You're right, Fuck you. It's back now buddy.

Kyle 0:58

Here we are, we're back, we're back. Another episode of this fucking podcast.

Ryan 1:03

Of the newest lows and Kyle's bitches.

Carlos 1:08

It's funny because it is funny because it has been some new lows.

Ryan 1:15

It's new lows every single day of our fucking life. Carlos, it's fair.

Kyle 1:19

Jesus, that's fucking depressing as fuck.

Carlos 1:22

It's a fair point. Why do you?

Kyle 1:24

say that You're reaching a newest low every single day of your life 99.8%. The hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper and deeper.

Ryan 1:34

There always seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, and that light just goes out, bitch.

Carlos 1:39

It just goes farther away. It's just going farther away.

Kyle 1:41

It's like a dream when you're trying to run, you're chasing it Well, some dreams are fun.

Ryan 1:46

Which ones, the ones where you're having fun.

Carlos 1:50

All right. What about real life?

Ryan 1:54

You can have fun over your life and then you wake up the next morning like damn.

Carlos 1:59

I fucked up last night. You're just hurting from the night before.

Kyle 2:03

I had a $200 fucking tab at the bar you got to pay it.

Ryan 2:08

You were making fun of me because my shit was like $70. Look at this fucking guy.

Kyle 2:13

Yeah, that was probably the most expensive bar tab I ever had. It was like $220. Where was this? I said oh my fucking.

Carlos 2:19

God.

Ryan 2:20

This was recently, not too recently, this was two years ago.

Kyle 2:25

Not that long ago. Do you think that?

Carlos 2:26

Ryan was putting his drinks on your tab. Shit, I wouldn't fucking put it past this fucking little sneaky bitch.

Ryan 2:32

No, no, no. I tried to run off on the tab For the 70?.

Kyle 2:35

He tries to run off on every fucking tab he tries to leave. Say Ryan, you can't do that.

Ryan 2:47

You do kind of walk out.

Kyle 2:48

I tried to run off, but kyle knew the bartender so I was like, oh yeah, like I know this, motherfucker, you can't do it.

Carlos 2:53

Dude, damn, where was wait? Okay, this is a daytona.

Ryan 2:56

Daytona beach, we had a bar unnamed for was it his sister bartending? No, it was, uh, I guess, one of Kyle's boys. He knew the bartender.

Carlos 3:08

And then you ran off and Kyle was like what are you doing? No, no, no. I tried to. You talked about it.

Ryan 3:12

I talked about it and then, like a bunch of them came up and I had to pay a tab 70 bucks Like 72, I think yeah and I was like no tip. No, I probably tipped him. No, he kyle's the bad tipper. Oh, here we go. He's the bad man I'm. I'm normally a pretty good tipper.

Carlos 3:30

Besides, on doordash I tip like two dollar fifty or like, but when you go out you're a good tipper, are you shitting? Me what on doordash you tip a dollar they stole my food the other night one, yeah, one time if you would have tipped me a dollar, I would have stole your fucking food too. Fuck yeah.

Ryan 3:46

They can see the tip. I do a dollar tip and then, once it gets delivered, then I do another.

Kyle 3:50

Sure, sure you do I just did it last night.

Carlos 3:53

You try to add more money after you paid.

Kyle 3:55

Sure, you do.

Ryan 3:57

Tell yourself that there's only so much you can do. Buddy, I can't help the fact that you're fucking idiot.

Kyle 4:02

You can give them a fucking $5 to $10 tip before they fucking deliver your food.

Carlos 4:06

Yeah, so they don't steal it back.

Ryan 4:13

What'd you get that night? Chicken and shrimp, pasta and quesadillas. I would have ate that shit on the way to your fucking apartment.

Carlos 4:17

Well, you don't even eat that much. What if they took a picture of an empty box?

Kyle 4:21

Every time we order food out of town, you don't eat anything.

Ryan 4:26

Well, I'm out of my dojo, I'm out of my dynamic and then your fucking stomach hurts from God knows what Garlic sauce. I'm lactose intolerant. I'm not supposed to be eating cheese, but I fucking love cheese.

Carlos 4:37

Yeah, we know you're lactose intolerant. We know you love cheese and you're also lactose intolerant.

Ryan 4:44

Fuck man, I also know you're fat and you look like a fucking goomba, so how about that?

Carlos 4:52

At least. At least I can hold shit down. You eat anything and you just shit blood.

Ryan 5:01

Oh, here we go, here we go.

Kyle 5:03

Here we go.

Ryan 5:04

That's the Everybody's favorite topic of discussion is shit and bread.

Kyle 5:08

Well, no, it's just like why can't you take better care of yourself A little bit?

Wash the hair

Ryan 5:13

Just a little bit. I do take care of myself. What do you do?

Kyle 5:16

What do you do that takes care of yourself. I shower. You don't even wash your hair.

Ryan 5:20

I wash my hair fucking four times a week. I don't wash my hair every day. Four times a week I wash my hair, kyle, what days I have beautiful hair? My hair is luscious.

Carlos 5:30

It is pretty luscious, it's a bowl.

Kyle 5:31

It's a bowl.

Ryan 5:33

I haven't got a haircut in like three months, your hair grows together. I have beautiful hair. My hair is ten times. I told you, give you four years. Your hair is going to be fucking gone, carlos, I'll just be fucking shiny.

Kyle 5:47

Yeah, you just have to embrace the fact. You will go bald.

Carlos 5:51

You will One hundred thousand percent. I'm not embracing it now.

Kyle 5:54

No, me and Ryan will not go bald.

Carlos 5:57

No, you don't think Ryan will go bald. No, no, I don't think so what kind of haircut are you going to get next, when you do get a haircut?

Ryan 6:04

Probably a two to one. I'm going to shave it all off again and just say fuck it you look terrible when you do that. Well, I'm going to prison soon, so I might as well play the part.

Carlos 6:13

You're going to prison Playing the part.

Kyle 6:15

The fucking IRA is coming after his ass.

Carlos 6:18

For tax fraud. That's why you're going to prison.

Ryan 6:21

For tax fraud.

Kyle 6:22

I mean, he said that already, well, he pays his taxes, but he doesn't pay his fucking debts.

Carlos 6:27

His parking tickets.

Ryan 6:29

Fuck parking tickets, speeding tickets Fuck them. Well, I pay speeding tickets. He can spend my license. But personal debt, credit card debt fuck them they can't do shit. Personal loan debt. They're coming after you. Time share debt. If that's a good one to talk about time share, you do have a well I guess you don't anymore.

Kyle 6:46

You don't anymore. No, you did have a time share for a little while for 10 weeks you and your yeah, you and your ex-girlfriend went on a vacation to where, gatlinburg, tennessee, to tennessee and came back and you had bought a timehare. What the fuck.

Carlos 7:06

What were?

Kyle 7:07

you doing up in Tennessee Getting fucked up.

Carlos 7:10

You could do that here man, why did you like accept that I didn't? You just signed some papers.

Ryan 7:19

And put like $3,700 down.

Kyle 7:22

Holy fuck.

Ryan 7:23

Cash, credit cards, debit cards maxed out. Barely had enough money to get back home.

Kyle 7:28

They must have had a killer, fucking sales pitch. They had a place to stay, though.

Ryan 7:33

We did, we did. We had a place to stay.

Kyle 7:35

How many times did you use that? It was a weird fucking timeshare, though, because you could, it wasn't a certain place, it was like everywhere, right, everywhere, but they had blackout dates.

Ryan 7:43

Yeah, because you know what's fucked up. How many times do you think I used it Once?

Kyle 7:47

Zero.

Ryan 7:47

Yeah.

Kyle 7:49

I used it zero amount of times. Exactly, and you know what's fucked up.

Ryan 7:52

Fuck Me and her broke up and then, like six months later, they paid for us for a hotel in act like shit was normal. So you were not a couple, but shit was not normal. No, it was not, fucking normal.

Kyle 8:09

You slept in the same bed.

Ryan 8:11

Yeah.

Kyle 8:12

You touched her, she touched you maybe.

Ryan 8:15

I tried a couple times, but I don't know.

Carlos 8:17

She just rolled over on the other side.

Ryan 8:20

It just turned out it was a no.

Carlos 8:22

Hard, no, so pass on timeshares. Don't get into a timeshare, no don't, I wouldn't do it.

Ryan 8:29

No, no, do you?

Kyle 8:30

know that every single person knows this already.

Ryan 8:34

Why don't you try to get out of it. I already am out of it. I faulted on it 100,000%. Yeah, you're not out of the weeds.

Carlos 8:41

yet, buddy, it's not easy to get out of.

Kyle 8:46

Have you? You have no like. Everybody always says no timeshare. Do not buy a timeshare, it's a fucking scam. Everybody knows this. It's good if you use it. No, it's not, because it's like a random Wednesday in fucking July. That's horrible, that's not blacked out like a random.

Carlos 9:06

Wednesday in fucking July. That's horrible. That's not blacked out. Take advantage of the day yeah.

Ryan 9:09

Yeah.

Carlos 9:10

You know what's fucked up.

Ryan 9:11

Last time me and Kyle went to the beach, we drove right past one of the little hotels right there at Daytona Beach. Could you have stayed there For like 60 bucks a night? Yeah?

Kyle 9:22

Just the price of a fucking.

Ryan 9:24

Motel 6, but it's a nice hotel.

Kyle 9:26

But it's a resort. It's not a resort.

Ryan 9:29

It is a resort. Timeshare it's a resort. Yeah, it's not all inclusive Like fucking Like bougie, but it's a resort. Why couldn't y'all?

Kyle 9:36

say that that hotel in Daytona Was not a fucking resort. Are you crazy? Oh my god. It was not a resort, it's a fucking hotel and it has a pool, two pools. That has two pools. How the fuck does that make it a resort? There's crackheads right in front of it.

Ryan 9:55

Was it on the beach. It's not a goddamn resort, they're building a fucking seawall. So no more crackheads.

Kyle 10:00

The crackheads aren't coming from the ocean man. They're coming from the other direction. The seawall is just blocking. The crackheads aren't coming from the ocean man.

Carlos 10:06

They're coming from the other direction, the seawall, is just blocking the crackheads.

Kyle 10:08

Build a fucking road wall. What are you talking about? That's not a resort, it's a fucking hotel Condominium.

Ryan 10:14

Do you know what a resort is the only resort I've ever been to is the Swan. The one that we went to. Is that the Swan?

Kyle 10:22

Yeah, I guess you could clarify that as a?

Ryan 10:24

Is that where you guys went to the Swan? Is that where you went to the Swan? Yeah, Together.

Kyle 10:29

At Disney.

Ryan 10:30

No, not me and Kyle, we're not. Come on, come on.

Kyle 10:33

We did go to Technically. We went together. Y'all were in the room together.

Carlos 10:37

We did share the room.

Ryan 10:38

But what Two beds. Two beds we stayed up to like Fucking.

Kyle 10:44

Three thirty, that's that's I could fucking, but even that's Kind of skirting the line Of a fucking resort.

Ryan 10:50

Do you remember how much those beer, those Bud Light buckets that I got Costing? I think it was like Fifty bucks.

Kyle 10:56

For six of them and you gave her Like fucking Eighty and you're like Keep the change.

Carlos 11:03

Big spender.

Kyle 11:04

You literally come back with you spent like $80 on six Bud Lights.

Carlos 11:09

She was like I'm not going back there. What the fuck? I'm not going back to that room.

Kyle 11:13

You were like what the fuck, I will take the cash, Like why?

Carlos 11:17

was it so expensive.

Kyle 11:17

You're like I left her a fucking, I left her all the change you gave her like $100 or something.

Ryan 11:22

Yeah, like something nuts. Some light for the day, buddy.

Carlos 11:25

Shit.

Ryan 11:25

Some light.

Carlos 11:26

How'd that work out? Yeah, it was light for that day Did she come back with more beer.

Kyle 11:30

No, no, it was only six fucking Bud Lights. You got to go back and refill the bucket. He spent like $100 on six Bud Lights. Fucking crazy At the Swan Bro. I know how much money you make because I make the same. I can't buy a fucking six Bud Lights for $100.

Ryan 11:49

I can't either, buddy. Well, you did it.

Kyle 11:51

You threw the money at it, just like you can't pay for a fucking timeshare. You're terrible with money, man.

Ryan 11:58

I'm up a little bit of money right now.

Kyle 12:00

I'm up a little bit right now. You're up a little bit, don't you?

Ryan 12:02

want to stay there. That's why it's at my house. It's in my Tide Pod box. Where do you live, sanford? You put it in a Tide Pod box, in a little container. How are you up money From the casino? From the casino, how much are you up? I'm up.

Carlos 12:28

I got like $1,100 of cash and I got some Alright chill dude.

Ryan 12:29

I got some cheddar in my bank account.

Kyle 12:31

Dude, damn Chill dude, some of your boys from Jax might come up fucking.

Carlos 12:35

Looking they're gonna be like yo you wanna hang out.

Ryan 12:40

I'm gonna suck my dick.

Carlos 12:42

Damn. That's what you need to tell them, cause you're gonna be crashing at your place. Hell, no, fuck, no.

Ryan 12:47

Duval.

Kyle 12:49

It's not Duval. It's not Duval Duval, who's from Duval?

Ryan 12:55

Not me.

Kyle 12:56

Who's that dog? Who was on that? Fuck? What's his goddamn name? Rapper.

Carlos 13:01

Rapper.

Kyle 13:03

From Duval Rapper from. Duval, fulio, what'd you? Fulio Shut the fuck up. You talking about Fulio Carlos, not Fulio Young and Ace, not Young and Ace the other one coming up, nardo Wick.

Ryan 13:13

Who.

Carlos 13:14

Nardo Nardo, nardo Wick. I was not expecting that Nardo Wick, oh Lil.

Kyle 13:18

Duval, you can guess where he's from.

Ryan 13:20

He had Lil Baby out there in Duval.

Kyle 13:22

Yeah, yeah, baby Jacksonville.

Carlos 13:24

That's what I was saying. He's 5'2".

Ryan 13:27

He's taller than him. He makes you look like a fucking skyscraper, tall as fuck. Yeah, you're tall as fuck, but you're also fat as fuck.

Kyle 13:36

Why do you always gotta talk about people's weight, man?

Carlos 13:39

Yeah, I can call you out, but I'm not going to Because I'm skinny, yeah but you got small meat, like we keep saying. I'm talking about your financial decisions.

Kyle 13:51

I have comfortable financial decisions. You got a small bankroll and a small dick. Why is he calling?

Ryan 13:54

me out like that dude, because I'm a shower, not a grower baby, no grower not a shower.

Carlos 13:59

That's what it is.

Ryan 14:00

I said that backwards I'm here, I said it backwards. I said it backwards. I'm sorry.

Kyle 14:05

Yeah, I don't think I've ever met a person who says he's a shower and not a grower. You just whip it out. It's going to stay the exact same size.

Carlos 14:13

You're like no, this is it no.

Ryan 14:15

Stage fright is a real thing. It's a real thing.

Kyle 14:18

Stage fright yeah, like sexually, yeah, yeah, for sure You're scared.

Ryan 14:24

If you're scared of women like you are, you're scared of women, kyle.

Kyle 14:27

I don't think I am, I think you are. How I can give you an example right now that you've talked about on a past episode.

Carlos 14:38

Was this episode three or two?

Ryan 14:40

Three.

Kyle 14:41

One of them. One of them.

Ryan 14:42

Well, it gets the best of you sometimes. All right, three, one of them. One of them Well, it gets the best of you. Sometimes you live and you learn, buddy.

Kyle 14:49

All right, if I spend $700 on anything, I'm going to get a boner. You spent $700 and didn't. It's the way of the world, buddy, you're just scared of women, I think, and I've talked to Carlos about this.

Ryan 15:03

We've had an in-depth discussion about this. Why are you guys speaking about me when I'm not?

Carlos 15:05

there? What's going on? Why do you have to bring me into this?

Ryan 15:07

What's going on here?

Kyle 15:10

Small meat, scared of women. You're putting a pussy on a pedestal.

Carlos 15:13

I was saying the same thing about Kyle, though, damn, you think so. I think you're scared, I'm scared.

Ryan 15:20

Everybody outside of this podcast that has met Kyle thinks he's gay.

Carlos 15:24

Yeah, that's true, there's some people that truly think you are gay.

Kyle 15:28

My own family thinks I'm gay.

Carlos 15:31

Shout out Kyle's family Shout out my mom, my stepdad.

Ryan 15:35

At the 500,. Jeff asked me if you were gay and I said I don't think so, man. No, jeff asked you if you were his boyfriend.

Carlos 15:42

I hope not, I fucking hope not. He was straight up with you. He was like if you want to love my Kyle, there's some rules.

Kyle 15:52

It is kind of heartwarming because my grandma, my whole family, they're like we'll accept you, we don't care if you're gay I'm not fucking gay, but they care, I don't know, are you?

Ryan 16:02

bisexual.

Kyle 16:03

I think I'm fucking gay, maybe I, but they care, I don't know, are you bisexual?

Ryan 16:05

I think I'm fucking gay.

Kyle 16:05

I might be Maybe.

Ryan 16:06

I'm asexual. Are you teeter-tottering on both sides Are?

Kyle 16:10

you pitching and catching Shit. If I was catching, I already thought I'd be fucking throwing it. I'd be a power on the bottom.

Carlos 16:18

You're a hardcore power bottom. I'm bringing power from the bottom.

Kyle 16:20

You're good on the bottom. If that was the case, for sure, but I don't think it is Like subconsciously. I've never had a gay sexual experience so I couldn't tell you. But if you would, it's there.

Carlos 16:31

You know how to work it. I'll bring the power.

Kyle 16:34

But I don't long for it, I don't look for it, I don't dream about it.

Carlos 16:38

You might be asexual, then what the fuck? Well, what the fuck is asexual?

Kyle 16:41

Well, but asexual is like you would fuck anything.

Ryan 16:43

Oh really I thought it was opposite. I thought that was fucking pansexual. Oh, look at this guy, phone's off.

Kyle 16:51

Jesus.

Ryan 16:52

Look at our executive producer over here.

Kyle 16:54

All right, fucking producer, god damn, they just call you out.

Carlos 16:57

E Damn my bad. Little boy called me, little boy called me.

Kyle 17:05

Shout out little boy, put him on the mic. Lb. You know why I should put him on the mic. You should put him on the mic.

Carlos 17:08

Wait, who is?

Kyle 17:08

that Little boy, that's Eric's fucking dog. Eric's dog from I don't know if I want to say your fucking hometown.

Carlos 17:16

No, I don't call it out there he is.

Kyle 17:19

Oh shit, I'm above the door Is that. Ryan Davis what up, boy? You're on the pod, buddy, you're on the pod, damn he's here I'm on the pod.

Ryan 17:30

Yep Dang, I just hit my newest low too.

Carlos 17:34

Damn Damn LB Little boy. Shout out that dog. Damn, shout out the boys. Dogs. That dude got a dope ass car, does he? Lb Little boy shout out that dog. Damn, shout out the boys.

Kyle 17:47

Dogs. That dude got a dope ass car, does he? What is Eric?

Carlos 17:51

Is that the dude?

Kyle 17:51

you guys Supra, is that the?

Carlos 17:52

dude you guys met up with At one point.

Kyle 17:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, eric pulled off to the side of a fucking highway Just to get out the fucking driver's seat.

Carlos 18:03

You guys were like hanging out yeah.

Kyle 18:04

I was just standing alone Scared. Just get out the fucking driver's seat. You guys were like hanging out. Yeah, I was just standing alone scared. I thought I was going to get fucking kidnapped out there. Bro, that is the.

Ryan 18:12

You were too big to get kidnapped. You know what I was saying no one could kidnap you.

Carlos 18:17

They'd have to tie something.

Kyle 18:19

That's the only point of being big and strong? You'd be a Nobody's coming to get you All right. Well, where are you going with this? Well, I'm just saying that's the point. You'd be a much easier sexual assault than I would.

Ryan 18:33

No, no, no, 100%, oh yeah, no, I'm squirming and I'm fighting buddy.

Kyle 18:38

They like that maybe, though who's they PJ People who, yeah the diddler?

Carlos 18:45

Anybody who likes a sexual assault. Kyle versus Ryan.

Ryan 18:50

We already know how this fucking goes.

Carlos 18:52

But the thing is that's a possibility.

Ryan 18:56

Me and Kyle have wrestled Four times now.

Kyle 19:01

I think only like twice or three times, oh and three.

Ryan 19:05

It's not possible. That's what I'm saying.

Kyle 19:08

But you know what is possible Somebody my size getting a hold of you. Stop saying that it's not possible, it's not possible.

Ryan 19:11

That's what I'm saying. But you know what is possible Somebody my size getting a hold of you. Yeah, stop saying that.

Kyle 19:14

Stop fucking saying that. I'm just Stop saying that it's much harder for me than it is for you.

Carlos 19:21

How.

Ryan 19:22

If I caught you. I told you one hit wonder, dude You'd have to be.

Kyle 19:26

It's one hit be If a big dog rolled up, saw me and you walking down the street.

Carlos 19:31

They're snatching you. Yeah, they're not grabbing Kyle.

Ryan 19:35

Yeah, fuck, no, he's too much to drag.

Carlos 19:38

They can sweep your feet, they'll just fucking grab your ankles and hang you upside down.

Ryan 19:44

What the fuck does that mean?

Kyle 19:45

I don't know, they'll take your shoes, don't take my shoes.

Ryan 19:46

They. What the fuck does that?

Kyle 19:47

mean, I don't know, they'll take your shoes. Don't take my shoes. They'll run your fucking pockets. They'll take your shirt.

Carlos 19:51

Don't take my shoes and your chain.

Ryan 19:53

Oh, my chain Don't take any of that.

Kyle 19:54

Don't yank everything and your belt and your fucking what is that over there, $20 Walmart chain my ass.

Ryan 20:01

This is not a $20 Walmart chain K's K Jewelers.

Kyle 20:08

Every kiss begins with K.

Ryan 20:10

And I kissed myself after I got this chain.

Kyle 20:12

You kissed yourself.

Ryan 20:14

Yeah.

Carlos 20:15

Did you kiss the chain?

Ryan 20:17

Every day, every morning.

Kyle 20:18

You got that on your knees and prayed. You said, thank you, god for this chain.

Ryan 20:22

No, fuck the cross. I kissed the D. I kissed the D.

Kyle 20:26

Wait, wait. I'm sorry, what I?

Ryan 20:29

haven't Hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on. I kissed the deal, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry what I have a Hold on hold on, hold on Hold on hold on how do you have? Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on. I have.

Carlos 20:39

How do you have the two? How do you have the two? That doesn't relate.

Ryan 20:42

I have a cross pendant Whoa, whoa, all right, all right. That sounded so gay, that was not.

Carlos 20:52

That's not how it meant to sound.

Ryan 20:53

You got out on your knees and kissed what you kissed the. D first no, the D pendant dude.

Kyle 20:58

Oh, yeah, he kissed it that sounded.

Ryan 21:00

I can't you put your mouth on it. I can't come back from that. I can't come back from that If you see the video of the picture, you'll see.

Carlos 21:08

You'll see. You'll see, flash it. I'm sorry.

Ryan 21:10

I'm sorry, I got it right here.

Carlos 21:12

What the fuck man? I don't think those two things should be together.

Ryan 21:17

That's not how it's supposed to fucking sound, dude. I'm sorry, that's not how it's supposed to sound, dude, oh my goodness Lord, I'm sorry man. Jesus Lord, I'm sorry man. Jesus Christ, don't look at me. Do you want to wear my chain?

Kyle 21:34

No, If he does, are you going to kiss the D?

Carlos 21:38

I'll wear it lower.

Ryan 21:41

You fucking motherfuckers.

Kyle 21:42

What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

Ryan 21:44

Yeah, come on, man, you know what I'm talking about. I don't know anymore. I'm kissing the D pendant Hold up.

Kyle 21:54

I mean good on you, man Good on you?

Carlos 21:57

No, not good on you at all.

Kyle 21:59

My fucking whole family would love you. They're very open. They met you before. Yeah, they're very open to Ryan's kind. I think they're more open to Kyle's kind.

Carlos 22:10

They're accepting of Kyle, which you come around.

Ryan 22:15

Am I the femboy?

Carlos 22:17

I think you're the boyfriend.

Ryan 22:20

I'm the boyfriend, he's the girlfriend, he's Kyle Nice.

Kyle 22:25

Yeah, I'm like androgynous. I feel like I don't even have a dick. I don't have a pussy either. I don't have a pussy either. I don't got nothing down there, man you have no feelings, yeah, or emotions, nothing.

Ryan 22:36

Fuck, that sounded fucked dude.

Carlos 22:38

Yeah that, yeah, that was fucked you can't have the D next to the cross.

Kyle 22:42

Yeah, why not? Don't dwell on it, man, it's going to make it weird.

Carlos 22:45

What did you say?

Ryan 22:47

Where's your fucking gold chain at?

Carlos 22:49

I don't have a gold chain. Where's that silver chain at? Don't have it on, why not?

Kyle 22:56

Wear it on occasion Because, honestly, anybody who's wearing fucking chains like that is kissing D's like you.

Ryan 23:01

I wear this shit every single day of my life.

Kyle 23:03

I sleep.

Ryan 23:03

Do I take it off when I sleep Nope.

Carlos 23:06

Nope, that's fine man.

Kyle 23:09

And you fucking kiss that big great.

Carlos 23:12

D. You kiss that D every day.

Ryan 23:13

Shit, the 10 karat white gold. D is what I kiss.

Carlos 23:17

Every day you wake up.

Ryan 23:19

When I brush my teeth.

Carlos 23:20

yeah, Put the lips on the D.

Ryan 23:25

Well.

Kyle 23:25

I'm not religious. I mean, god damn it, man, I'm not religious like that. You know what I mean, why do you have a cross? Then you have a fucking Jesus pennant.

Ryan 23:32

I told you I wanted to get the fucking Buddha one, but it was too expensive.

Kyle 23:36

Buddha's religious too, motherfucker.

Ryan 23:38

I had to get something. I don't fucking know. When I die, I'm going to go somewhere. It's probably hell, I don't fucking know.

Kyle 23:45

You just say you're not religious, you shouldn't believe in hell.

Ryan 23:48

I'm gonna go to hell.

Kyle 23:51

How much was that Buddha piece? Yeah, how much was the Buddha one, not the one you bought.

Ryan 23:55

This is the chain with the pendant was 900?.

Kyle 24:01

Did you have to finance that? No, I paid it up. I paid it up.

Ryan 24:07

But with the Buddha piece it was like 13. Ah, you got me fucked up. Why the Buddha piece? It was like $13. Ah, you got me fucked up. Now Fuck that.

Kyle 24:10

Why the fuck would you want a Buddha piece in the first place? Just get the chain. He's always praying on me Buddha.

Carlos 24:19

Hmm.

Kyle 24:24

Do not fucking tell my fucking mom loves Buddha. Man, I grew up on Buddha. There's fucking.

Ryan 24:29

Buddha statues. You grew up on New Age, metaphysical motherfucker.

Pendant

Kyle 24:33

Yeah, Buddha's in there. What the fuck does that mean? Buddha's in there. I love Buddha. Don't fucking say shit about it. Kyle would have paid for the Buddha piece. I would have paid no Because I would have had the money for it.

Ryan 24:44

I had the money for it.

Carlos 24:46

I think I would have respected you more if you had a Buddha piece than what you have on right now.

Kyle 24:49

Yeah, it would have seemed more cultured. But yeah, I love Jesus. I love Jesus too. Do you want the pendant? Hey shit, motherfucker, I love Jesus. I swear to God what the fuck, does that mean?

Carlos 25:03

Yeah, I feel like you're referencing something, yeah he is referencing something.

Kyle 25:06

I don't know what it is yeah, he is referencing something. I don't know what the fuck he's referencing. You guys don't understand my comedy.

Ryan 25:13

I don't, because you're so fucked, you guys don't even understand my fucking all the Instagram reels.

Carlos 25:16

Dude the thing is all the Instagram reels I send you. You don't understand. You're fucking my algorithm told you you shouldn't add me to the fucking group chat on Instagram it took forever for us to find Kyle on Instagram, but we finally did and we finally broke his spirit. And he joined our group chat on Instagram and it is awful. You're fucking my algorithm up bud.

Ryan 25:42

Awful is a bad way to put it. It's awesome, but it's also fucked.

Carlos 25:45

Thank you, Ryan. No, it's fucked.

Ryan 25:46

It's awesome I Fucked. Thank you, ryan.

Kyle 25:48

No, it's fucked, it's awesome I love it, I love it, you like?

Carlos 25:49

that mist basket.

Kyle 25:51

Yeah, what kind of reels do I send you guys on?

Carlos 25:55

Instagram Women that look like you. That's what it looks like.

Kyle 26:01

That's what it is Dudes who look like me, pretending to be women. Yes, I'll send you some Siamese motherfuckers here and there.

Carlos 26:09

I was a little curious, I'm like maybe Kyle might be straight.

Kyle 26:15

No, I sent you that one of the. It's like if you miss this shot you're gay. Yeah, Obviously missed the shot. Yeah, Obviously made out with another guy immediately.

Carlos 26:25

And then I'll watch him and I'm like what the fuck fuck am I watching? And I'll go back on my regular feed and then it pops up and I'm like Kyle is ruining this for me. It's fucking hilarious. No, it's not why it's traumatizing. I love it.

Ryan 26:39

It's not that bad.

Kyle 26:41

Thank you, ryan, it's not that bad you wish your fucking algorithm was as fucking wild as mine.

Carlos 26:47

You guys have the same algorithm Twitter wise yeah, twitter wise, you just watch people fucking die on twitter I love it, I don't understand love it how instagram became a fucking.

Kyle 27:00

You can just show crazy shit, but like crazy shit like I. I don't know if I've already said on another pod, but but like breastfeeding videos, full tits out. Breastfeeding a fake baby.

Carlos 27:13

No, you haven't Fake baby. Wait what? They're not even breastfeeding a real baby.

Ryan 27:18

No, I've seen all these videos. They're fucking awesome.

Kyle 27:22

It's like a weird latex baby and they'll pull their tits out and they get away with it being like educational. That sounds fucked. It's fucking Some of them. Well, it's obviously not, they're faking breastfeeding a baby. They are Just to show their tits off, just because they have nice tits Because they're obviously didn't have a baby or are not pregnant. But Instagram has become like a fucking big old stew of weird stuff Weird stuff. And then Twitter became murder, death and porn.

Ryan 27:54

That's all it is. That's all Twitter is.

Kyle 27:56

If any fucking tweet you click on becomes porn.

Carlos 28:01

You scroll down long enough. It sounds like that's just what you watch.

Kyle 28:04

No, well, you don't have Twitter? I don't think, no, I don't have an ex. I've been on Twitter since I don't have fucking, I don't think, no, I don't have an ex. I've been on Twitter since oh, it's not even fucking Twitter anymore, damn it.

Ryan 28:10

I've been on ex since 2013.

Carlos 28:14

Damn but. I love it, the algorithm is always true.

Ryan 28:18

I love it. Ex doesn't even have an algorithm like that. I'm sorry, your fucking algorithm is MLB the Show, carlos. It's motivational. And Madden it's motivational and maddened you like gay.

Kyle 28:28

Yeah, that's fucking. I like gay. No, you said gay. The shit Pops up on your feed Is gayer Than two dudes kissing. No, yes, it is.

Carlos 28:39

What do I send? That's so gay?

Kyle 28:43

What you send? Nothing, nothing.

Carlos 28:46

You send nothing of substance, so that's more gay than Two guys kissing. What did he send?

Kyle 28:50

earlier. I don't even remember that's how fucking vanilla milk toast it was, are you?

Carlos 28:58

joining in on this, ryan, at least I send shit where it's like fucking cool to watch.

Ryan 29:03

We can pull up some videos. It's not cool to watch, but it's funny to watch.

Kyle 29:07

Funny. I'm not saying it's not funny, it's not cool to watch, but it's funny to watch. Funny, it's funny to watch. I'm not saying it's not funny, it's interesting, but that's all you send Carlos.

Ryan 29:13

you got to look at things outside of the scope, baby. That's all it is outside of the scope.

Carlos 29:18

Yeah, you're wearing an extra small Versace shirt and Kyle is rubbing your leg.

Ryan 29:23

Shut the fuck up. There's a video now, dumb shit. There's a video now, motherfucker, and I'm wearing a size too big on my shoes.

Kyle 29:30

I am, I am. Your shoes are too big. They don't fit your body.

Carlos 29:37

But it's okay, stop kissing.

Ryan 29:41

It is okay Because, oh my God Carlos, oh my Carlos has been in a house of too many females for too fucking long.

Carlos 29:51

I have no words. I'm on Carlos' side on this one, so you guys are just watching me. Kiss, yeah, eric doesn't like this shit either.

Kyle 29:56

That was one video I fucking sent.

Ryan 29:59

Okay, they're not old dudes kissing Eric. No, no, no, Hold on. Eric sent in our group chat a picture of what was his name James Charles.

Kyle 30:11

Him chat a picture of what was his name james charles, him kissing another.

Ryan 30:13

Oh yeah, he sent it three. No, it's just his ass, did you like? Like it, I deleted it immediately.

Kyle 30:16

I deleted the message immediately that dude does have a fat fucking ass. Oh, oh shit, that dude did have a. If you didn't know, that was James Charles and another guy.

Carlos 30:29

That is a video you sent.

Kyle 30:32

Yeah, but you send worse. It is what it is, man, I think they're funny, I think they teach me more about the world it's educational. You know what it is, in what way? I've never these people exist.

Carlos 30:46

They do Fuck them, they do.

Kyle 30:47

Jeez man.

Ryan 30:48

Yeah, you asked me. I've never been fat before. I want to learn how fat people live. Is that bad?

Kyle 30:57

I do send a lot of fat content. There is a lot of fat people content.

Ryan 31:04

They're fucking huge. I'm sorry, I have been skinny my entire life, never fat.

Carlos 31:10

You should just like start wearing mascara. Why, if it's you?

Ryan 31:16

What would my name be?

Kyle 31:19

Rianne Riley.

Ryan 31:25

Riley, that's one of my boys' names.

Kyle 31:27

Riley, he's been listening too. Damn, shout out out, Riley.

Carlos 31:31

Shout out Riley the Jerkin', gerker, baby the Jerkin'.

Ryan 31:34

Gerker On you or what? The Jerkin' Gerkin? No, his name Jerk.

Carlos 31:39

You know how to handle that you are a Sus little fucker, aren't you?

Kyle 31:43

What do you mean? I kiss the D and my boy Is Jerkin' Gerker. I kissed the D in my boy's shirking gherker. Yo you sound like you suck at a thing, man.

Carlos 31:54

Kissed the D every morning.

Ryan 31:57

In a shirking gherker. It's my boy I just went golfing with last weekend.

Carlos 32:02

What do you mean?

Ryan 32:02

by that. We went golfing, played nine holes Because I was late, fastened to late, just had to rush through it. I was lateened to late, just had to rush through it.

Carlos 32:12

I was late. You why. You went to the casino, remember.

Ryan 32:14

Went to the casino. We got back.

Kyle 32:16

You guys were fucking gone. That's why I didn't go. We got back at 4am in the morning.

Ryan 32:21

Fuck that dude. I was supposed to be in St Augustine by like Nine. So you just like got a, you went back and left. No, I woke up. I woke up at like 10, 10.30. You're supposed to be there in an hour and a half Did you win some money At the casino. Yeah, hell, yeah, I won like $4.55.

Carlos 32:39

Okay, that ain't bad.

Ryan 32:41

My biggest come up so far, but I'm still down, probably about a grand.

Carlos 32:46

From the casino.

Kyle 32:51

Yeah, from the casino. Yeah, you're just. You are A casino's fucking Perfect little person.

Ryan 32:54

I just spit it out, goldman.

Kyle 32:56

I love that shit. Give me a pack. You are exactly.

Ryan 32:59

Who they're looking for. Give me a pack of Newport shorts, a lighter, a couple beers.

Kyle 33:03

I'm in there for like 10 hours you are who they market to Cause you go in and you're fucking On one slot machine. Lose 20 real quick, move on, you're scurrying around there.

Carlos 33:14

Cause you gotta pay cash right.

Ryan 33:15

Why you love that word scurrying around.

Carlos 33:17

That's what you do. You do scurry you do scurry around.

Ryan 33:20

How much did you take out? I went there with. I went there with 130 originally and I bought two beers and the fucking bartender was sexy, so I gave her 10 bucks.

Carlos 33:29

She was hot so I gave her 10 bucks like 10%.

Kyle 33:33

He's like a child thinking a bartender's going to be like oh my god, you're actually pretty cute, you're wearing. Versace.

Ryan 33:40

And you gave me a nice tip.

Kyle 33:41

Would you like to go out sometime?

Ryan 33:43

Oh, I was wearing Bape, not Versace.

Kyle 33:46

Oh the bathing ape A Versace. Oh the bathing ape, a bathing ape dude. Very cool.

Ryan 33:50

Very cool. So what happened? Nothing. I got two beers and I went about my way. Did you have a good night?

Kyle 33:58

though. What happened at the casino? Dumb shit. I won some money.

Ryan 34:02

I won a bunch of money. I was up like 500, and I hit, hit slot machines and I lost like 400.

Kyle 34:11

Oh, my god, why do you go?

Ryan 34:13

to the slots man.

Kyle 34:14

Yeah, I was up. Like Slots are not it I? Was up like 500.

Ryan 34:17

And then our producer Eric came and found me, he found you, he came and found me. And then we went to the roulette table and I was about to go. Yesterday I talked myself off the ledge. Yeah, don't go again, I'm going on Monday in Fort Myers, oh shit.

Carlos 34:40

I'm going meet Ryan out there.

Ryan 34:43

Come and see me meet and greet oh damn, it's called a meet and greet. No, I ain't, I ain't going what?

Kyle 34:49

fucking casino Is in Fort Myers.

Ryan 34:51

The one that Carlos' mom goes to.

Kyle 34:54

In Immokalee.

Carlos 34:55

That sounded like an insult, but it's true, you're gonna go to the Immokalee Casino, seminole Casino.

Ryan 35:03

Is it a Seminole Hard Rock one? Yeah, nice, I just found my card.

Carlos 35:07

I just found my little.

Ryan 35:09

My little points card.

Carlos 35:10

Nice. Well, meet and greet, meet Ryan, meet and go find him.

Ryan 35:14

You can meet me with my shirt off.

Carlos 35:17

It's a good time Take pictures with him.

Kyle 35:18

It's $5 each If you're a girl, you also have to take your shirt off. That's what Ryan said.

Ryan 35:23

Not $5 each. One beer each.

Kyle 35:29

Just bring me a beer, not even any money.

Carlos 35:30

That's more than five dollars at a casino. Six bucks each, six for the bottle. How much for a draft? Do you think Six bucks?

Kyle 35:36

No Same oh no for draft.

Ryan 35:38

I only get bottles.

Kyle 35:41

Dude, those fucking. That sounded bougie as hell. I only get bottles. Well, I'm Talking about Bud. Light no we went like three weeks ago I got a double.

Ryan 35:52

Jack and Coke $26 fucking dollars.

Kyle 35:54

Me and Carlos told you not to get a fucking.

Ryan 35:56

Jack and Coke. I tipped four bucks.

Kyle 35:58

Jack and Coke's at the casino are $30.

Carlos 36:00

They're a $30 drink.

Ryan 36:01

Goddamn dollars $30.

Kyle 36:03

Drink right there, you can buy a fucking bottle of Jack for less than that.

Carlos 36:07

You can buy two at that rate.

Kyle 36:09

God bless America, but this is the fucking this is the land of the free baby. Home of the brave, home of the brave. You are a Braves fan, I am a Braves fan, pussy.

Ryan 36:22

Fuck the Red Sox.

Kyle 36:24

The fucking Declaration of Independence. Carlos wasn't born here, so he doesn't give a shit about it. Born where my ancestors built this fucking country.

Ryan 36:35

Kyle, you do realize you are the only non-Florida boy on the mic right now.

Carlos 36:40

Yeah, I can thump you in the dick right now if I wanted to.

Kyle 36:43

Yeah, you could, but you're wrong.

Ryan 36:44

Hey guess what? Colorado fucking sucks, dude, it doesn't suck. I love it out there. It was fucking awesome.

Fight

Kyle 36:49

Colorado sucks. It was a good time. It was a great time. You've never been dumb shit.

Carlos 36:53

It's a great time. I don't care too.

Kyle 36:55

My ancestors built this fucking great country.

Carlos 36:57

Bunch of fucking whack jobs.

Ryan 36:58

You know what's fucked up when I was back in Denver in 2019, if I'd have saw Like on sight, on sight.

Carlos 37:07

Just straight wailing why. Straight forehead and fist baby. Why? What would he have done to get you mad? He's a fucking douche canoe.

Kyle 37:17

Yeah, he's a straight douche canoe, just on sight.

Carlos 37:19

Do you think he would have been like flexing the mirror or something?

Ryan 37:22

Probably In a gas station parking lot, in a gas station bathroom.

Carlos 37:25

With no mustache, just a beard. You would have been. With no mustache, just a beard.

Kyle 37:32

You've been fucking. Stop touching my penis, man. Damn. Somebody farted back there, back behind the mic you can't control yourself.

Ryan 37:40

Our live audience just fucking farted. That was me, was that you? I laughed, oh my God, I laughed and I farted. I'm sorry, bro, put the fucking mic down there.

Kyle 37:50

if you're going to fart, at least God damn it I laughed. Sniff it, dude Carlos. I swear to fucking God, if you keep stepping on my microphone cord, I'm going to fucking kill you?

Carlos 38:01

How do you know? I do that every time it's not me.

Kyle 38:06

My feet don't reach the ground.

Ryan 38:07

I'm too short, do my feet reach the ground.

Carlos 38:11

No, give me your shoes.

Kyle 38:14

Fuck you. Yeah, run his shit right now. I will, don't you.

Ryan 38:18

Fuck your shoes, dude, don't Fuck off. Fuck off, motherfucker, fucking my shit up right now, carla.

Kyle 38:29

Well, it's just cause Carlos thinks he's on the fucking Red. So up right now, carlos. Well, it's just cause Carlos thinks he's on the fucking Red. Sox right now. He puts on a fucking jersey. You are not DP.

Carlos 38:38

Sign me up.

Kyle 38:38

You are not DP, sign me up, dude. This ain't batting practice right now.

Carlos 38:43

You don't have a fucking 50 million dollar deal. He said DP, not DP.

Kyle 38:46

Yeah, and that's why I said this isn't batting practice Cause I know, kyle, do you know who DP?

Ryan 38:49

is not DP. Yeah, and that's why I said this isn't batting practice, kyle. Do you know who DP is? Dp, dp.

Carlos 38:52

DP15? Yeah, no he doesn't.

Ryan 38:54

I know that.

Kyle 38:55

He does not know that what's his full?

Carlos 38:57

name the person DP. Yeah.

Kyle 39:00

That played for the Red Sox Red.

Ryan 39:01

Sox legend Damien Pierce.

Carlos 39:04

No, no, no no. He's an infielder, try again. You will never get it Because you don't know shit about anything. Dylan Paris.

Ryan 39:13

No, shut up.

Carlos 39:14

Dude shut up.

Kyle 39:14

Dustin Pejora.

Ryan 39:18

I was going to say that next, shut the fuck up. I was going to say that next, dustin Pejora. I knew it, legendary second baseman.

Kyle 39:24

Yeah, but who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck?

Carlos 39:25

Not you.

Kyle 39:26

Every time you guys talk about baseball, I want to fall the fuck asleep. Why?

Ryan 39:30

I swear to God, go to sleep. Why Go to sleep? My team is number one in the nation right now. Buddy, go ahead.

Inside outside

Kyle 39:37

Talk about baseball for a little bit, because that seems like all you guys want to talk about is just fucking baseball all the time.

Carlos 39:44

Why are you wearing a?

Kyle 39:45

visor inside. That's like asking why people wear a fucking hat inside. It's the same fucking thing, idiot. You're the only one.

Carlos 39:56

In this fucking room? What room do they all wear?

Kyle 40:00

hats inside Everywhere.

Ryan 40:04

Where.

Kyle 40:04

Wearing a hat inside is not the same as wearing sunglasses inside.

Ryan 40:08

Give me a fucking pair of sunglasses. I'll put them on right now. Yeah, I know you would, you fucking bitch. I'm a bitch because I want to wear sunglasses.

Kyle 40:15

Yeah, you know what I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you a fucking, a word.

Carlos 40:21

You can't say anymore what, Just slap him dude. I'm white Kiss him on the face.

Kyle 40:30

Both of you, why'd you just fucking whack your head. I accidentally hit myself in the head. God damn it.

Carlos 40:39

Well, who are you?

Kyle 40:40

I'm sorry.

Carlos 40:41

Excuse me, excuse me.

Kyle 40:43

What were you about to say?

Ryan 40:45

We are.

Kyle 40:47

Yeah, we've been here, dipshit.

Carlos 40:50

We've already been here, buddy.

Kyle 40:52

Bang, bang, Skeet, skeet motherfucker Kiss.

Ryan 40:56

Why don't you put your Damn?

Kyle 40:58

you got big ass ears. Carlos did buy brand new headphones that made I said it from the beginning. They look funny as hell they don't even Look at his earlobe. They're hanging out. I can feel it hell, they're hanging out.

Carlos 41:14

I can feel it. They're hanging out. How do they look? Now, that's good, oh man I want to.

Kyle 41:22

What type of legacy do you want to like? Leave your child like you like what? What do?

Carlos 41:28

you want to leave. I don't know if you want to get into that right now, man oh, you're gonna go way too fucking deep.

Kyle 41:33

I'm just gonna start crying carlos always. He always goes way too fucking deep yeah, I remember we were getting fucked up at your house one time and your daughter was gone and you had facetimed your daughter and then came back out and your eyes were watering.

Ryan 41:46

You're crying well, he, what he? No, no, no, hey. Hey, I'll give Carlos the benefit of the doubt on that one, because he was fucked up before the time, before we already got there. Oh my God.

Kyle 41:57

He was fucked up. I love my daughter. Dude, Leave me alone.

Carlos 42:00

Listen, are you okay? I said no.

Ryan 42:05

So I just FaceTimed his dog. It was beating the fuck out of his dog. No, he wasn't.

Kyle 42:09

No he wasn't. I didn't do that, dude. I didn't do that. He absolutely was not doing that?

Carlos 42:14

I didn't do that, dude. Why are you accusing me of that?

Kyle 42:17

She's a great, she's a good dog. That was.

Ryan 42:19

That was conference championship weekend.

Kyle 42:21

That's why we Don't double down, man.

Ryan 42:28

Don't call out the facts. What do you mean? We were watching the ACC Championship.

Kyle 42:32

We were the ACC Championship who got his fucking leg snapped in half.

Ryan 42:36

Jordan Travis. Jordan Travis got his leg snapped in half.

Kyle 42:38

He doesn't even remember him watching that shit. That weekend you beat the shit out of your dog.

Carlos 42:47

I love my dog. Don't let these guys lie to you.

Ryan 42:51

Hey, hey, I got whipped as a kid, so it's all right. You got whipped. Your mom whipped you With a belt. Yeah, Leather belt.

Carlos 42:59

His mom's boyfriend.

Ryan 43:01

Shut the fuck up.

Kyle 43:02

Shut the fuck up. Does your mom listen to this? No, all right, no Good, because you said your mom has a boyfriend who's epileptic.

Ryan 43:13

He's epileptic. Yeah, he's like she's doing shit. I don't fucking know. I'm not going to question my mom.

Carlos 43:20

It's my fucking mom.

Ryan 43:21

It's my mom.

Kyle 43:23

Right, but our intern over here brought up a valid, A valid no we're not going down that fucking dark road.

Ryan 43:31

We're not going down that fucking road, Kyle.

Kyle 43:33

You brought up a valid thing.

Ryan 43:35

Unless you want to turn the camera around to see our intern get beat the fuck up.

Carlos 43:40

Let's see it, we're not.

Kyle 43:43

How do you have sex if you're an epileptic?

Ryan 43:45

I don't know and I don't want to know it's not easy. I don't want to think about my mom's what she does in her free time.

Kyle 43:52

All I want to think about is the conversations that we have buddy, and when I see her being epileptic and having sex, it's got to be pretty rough. If you do have an episode, how do you have a seizure? Strong power bottom, and I think our intern said Jackrabbit, that's probably the easiest way to go about that. Dude, how do you drive with epilepsy Like bad epilepsy?

Ryan 44:25

You can't drive. There's no way. He can't drive your epilepsy. You can't drive, he can't drive.

Kyle 44:27

There's no way, oh he.

Ryan 44:28

He can't drive.

Kyle 44:29

Your mom's boyfriend can't drive Nope, so she drives. What the fuck?

Ryan 44:32

So she drives and my brother drives.

Kyle 44:34

Damn. He has it bad like that. He can't even get a license. Or if you have epilepsy at all. You can't get a license. No, I don't think you can. No, I think it's not. They take it away, but I think it's like you. Yeah, you can't fucking pass. You can't pass the driving test. It's a medical, it's like being a little Well, but little people have. They can drive cars With foot pedestals. Dude, those cars cost a fuckload.

Carlos 45:00

It's a lot of money to install that stuff.

Kyle 45:04

People who have no legs can drive. They drive it like a game.

Ryan 45:07

How do you feel about your stepdad plowing your mom Putting?

Kyle 45:11

a baby in two and everything. Yeah, it's fine, they had a baby. My little half-brother how?

Ryan 45:15

do you feel about?

Kyle 45:16

that it is what it is.

Ryan 45:18

It is what it is.

Kyle 45:19

Everybody has sex except you.

Ryan 45:22

Besides, you got me fucked up, Kyle.

Kyle 45:27

I mean, it is what it is, man. Your mom fucking has sex more than you do. That's got to be.

Ryan 45:35

What are you doing? You fucking throw me in a square.

Kyle 45:37

My mom has sex more than I do.

Ryan 45:39

We all have had sex more than you have.

Kyle 45:43

How many? What's your body count, ryan? How many women have you been with? Four, I knew that was the number. How many? What's your body count, ryan? How many women have you been with? Four, I knew, I knew that was the number.

Ryan 45:51

Cause you know what's fucked up the most about it? Huh, spent three strippers and one and one.

Kyle 45:57

And one, yeah one, normal girlfriend. Three strippers, one gal.

Ryan 46:01

But the first one. I didn't pay for anything. I'll put that. I'll take that to the grave.

Kyle 46:05

She had just happened to be a stripper.

Ryan 46:07

She was just a stripper. Yeah yeah, she came over to the crib and I fucked her Did you ever go and see her at work.

Kyle 46:14

All the time you were keeping watch.

Ryan 46:18

That's how we rekindled things.

Kyle 46:19

You said, motherfucker, better not get handsy. I'll fucking put my forehead on. I don't give a fuck. I was like 19.

Ryan 46:24

She was giving me free drinks and shit. Shit that works.

Kyle 46:30

Yeah, don't fucking talk to me about everybody having more sex than I have when you have four. What are you? What are you?

Ryan 46:37

at.

Kyle 46:37

Shit. You don't even want to know the number. Oh guys, I don't think your brain can process how high this number is.

Ryan 46:43

Two Eight Eight. Shit the amount of times you had sex with the Milf with the fake tits.

Kyle 46:50

No man, I'm counting one, that's one. Individuals Eight individuals. No, you have not Swear to god.

Ryan 47:00

No.

Kyle 47:00

I don't Hold on, let me count.

Carlos 47:04

He's gonna start using his fingers.

Ryan 47:07

All he has to do is count his balls One, two, that's it.

Kyle 47:15

Kyle, good one man. I'm done, man. I'm done with this fucking bullshit.

Ryan 47:20

What do you mean?

Kyle 47:21

I'm not taking this fucking slander from you.

Ryan 47:24

Oh, this is slander. Now I'm not taking it.

Carlos 47:26

Don't throw glass, don't throw rocks, don't throw glass at a stone house, brother, that shit will break, don't throw stones.

Kyle 47:34

If you live in a glass house, motherfucker Bitch Alright. I think that's an episode, fellas Cheers.

Ryan 47:40

I don't think it is. I think we still have more to go on. Fuck. What do you mean fuck?

Kyle 47:46

I just don't like talking to you, man.

Ryan 47:48

Why you always want to get on me when I throw the ball back at you.

Carlos 47:54

Ooh, look at this guy. I think you guys should shake hands, I'll beat his ass.

Kyle 47:59

It always comes. You're always such a physical, you always act like such a physical guy Because I'm a big macho man, you're just a little pussy, a little pussy. Yeah, look at those fucking beats you're wearing on your head right now? Yeah, man, I got these like ten years ago. Look at your whole fucking outfit, asshole. You're wearing a Versace shirt three sizes too small, idiot. I always wear my.

Ryan 48:26

I told you this before I always wear my shirts too small. I like them too small.

Kyle 48:30

It's not a good look, asshole. Why not Look at you? Nobody thinks this is a good look.

Ryan 48:37

Ask the bitches.

Kyle 48:38

Ask the bitches. It's because every time you send your outfits to your mom, she says oh no, you look so good.

Ryan 48:48

You look like such a grown little boy. You know what happens when I send it to my brother or my boys what Nothing good.

Kyle 48:58

Nothing good.

Ryan 48:59

Nothing good. They got some derogatory statements to say, oh fuck man.

Kyle 49:09

I'm sure I can guess what they're saying. Yeah, you're dressed like.

Carlos 49:15

Everything's too tight.

Kyle 49:17

I like it, like that. It is what it is man.

Ryan 49:19

I'm trying to show off the muscles I don't have.

Carlos 49:22

Yeah, I can see that.

Kyle 49:23

Yeah, I just don't understand the drip at all.

Carlos 49:26

I don't understand it at all.

Ryan 49:28

Jordans, bali, versace, levi's baby.

Carlos 49:31

Yeah just because it's like brands.

Kyle 49:34

People know. Say it again Come on man, we all have a. We need to be nicer to each other. I think.

Carlos 49:42

Ryan, I see what you mean by your clothes Swag. I think I can help you out.

Ryan 49:47

Help me out with what I think. The vision's there, but you know.

Kyle 49:52

There's no execution Dude you know what?

Ryan 49:53

I tell Eric all the time, our producer, I'm going to be a fucking model one day. I'm going to be a fucking model. I'm going to be on the runway.

Kyle 50:02

I hate to break it to you. I think you're past your prime buddy. Hey, I'm in my prime.

Ryan 50:08

I'm not past my prime. I'm in my fucking prime.

Kyle 50:11

I either get hit with 30 or 18. Those models are like tiny little sweet boys.

Ryan 50:18

I'm also not getting my butthole taken.

Carlos 50:19

Guess what? Because that's not happening. No.

Kyle 50:21

Diddy, you work in the sun, you work outside.

Carlos 50:28

Those boys have never seen the sun. You work outside.

Kyle 50:29

Those boys have never seen the sun. They're smooth. You have an advantage on them. They're smooth, that's fine, you're not. I'm still.

Ryan 50:34

You're bumpy man. I'm not bumpy, you are. What the fuck is bumpy man? What the fuck?

Kyle 50:39

What is bumpy man? What is that? Those models are smooth and you're a bumpy guy Bumpy yeah. What 5'2 ginger model have you ever seen?

Ryan 50:51

I'm 5'6". We're going to know how to correct that. No, you're not 5'6".

Carlos 50:56

I am 5'6".

Ryan 50:56

I fucking measure myself. Oh my.

Carlos 50:59

God, I measure myself 5'6".

Kyle 51:03

Come on, man, we all have a podcast together. We got to be cool, we got to be nice. Fuck you, fuck you.

Carlos 51:11

I'm just sitting back and watching this happen.

Ryan 51:13

Well, all the way is cool, but you all hit the fucking pressure points.

Carlos 51:16

Yeah, you hit them in like the Kung Fu Panda fucking points. Just be like bang, bang, bang, but why? I don't understand where this comes from.

Kyle 51:23

Yeah, why are you so jealous of Brian? Yeah, why are you?

Ryan 51:26

so jealous of Ryan.

Kyle 51:27

Don't say jealous.

Carlos 51:28

He's envious. Why are you so envious with Ryan?

Ryan 51:31

He's envious. You wish you had drip like me, dude.

Carlos 51:34

I am the drip guy.

Ryan 51:37

You guys are just arguing and it seems like you should kiss Next thing. You know I'm going to help Kanye create the next fucking phone booth.

Kyle 51:42

Oh shit, Ye's fucking starting a porn site. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.

Ryan 51:48

You're out of it. I'm not doing that. No, he's out immediately.

Carlos 51:53

No kind of context. I love Kanye, but I'm not doing that. No, I'm not doing that Fuck?

Ryan 51:58

no, I'm not doing that Fuck no, why. No no, no.

Kyle 52:03

If Ye brought you in, I was like we want you, oh my.

Ryan 52:05

God, we want you. What am I signing the dotted line for? How much?

Kyle 52:10

Shit however much. How much would it cost if Ye came to you and was like I love your drip?

Carlos 52:16

He's just fucking dancing. I love how you move around in this world.

Ryan 52:19

10 mil, 10 mil, 10 mil. That's it 10 mil, 10 mil.

Kyle 52:24

You could do a lot with 10 mil?

Ryan 52:26

Yeah, you'd spend it all.

Kyle 52:28

No shit you could do a lot with 10 mil.

Ryan 52:29

What's the first thing?

Carlos 52:29

you're doing with 10 mil?

Ryan 52:31

I'm gonna bless the boys a little bit. Bless the boys and give some money to my mom. I appreciate it.

Carlos 52:35

How much do you know the individual amount that we're getting? How much am I getting? Who's getting the most? Yeah, what am I getting?

Ryan 52:41

Me Carlos and Eric 500 a piece, 500k, 500k a piece. Okay, and then my mom's getting mail and then I'm Going on a bender.

Kyle 52:52

And I'm gonna disappear. We always said, if you win the lottery, you're gonna die Two weeks later After you get the money.

Ryan 52:58

Not two weeks. Well, don't get, don't cut it that short. Maybe give me like six months.

Carlos 53:03

That's a reasonable amount of time Six months.

Kyle 53:06

I think you're gonna Fucking try to buy drugs and overdose immediately.

Carlos 53:11

I think you need to hire Like an assistant To make sure you don't.

Ryan 53:16

Well, I can't have Kyle. He's gonna be a fucking dumb cunt the whole time. No, not Kyle.

Carlos 53:20

Kyle will take your money. I'll try, I'll siphon some off.

Kyle 53:23

I'll try to steal some. I'll be. I'd be so bitter I'd be like this fucking asshole wins all this money.

Carlos 53:30

I'd absolutely take some you would trust Kyle with your money Zoo.

Kyle 53:33

I'd fucking. If my mom won the lottery, I'd take some money from that. Are you not trustworthy? I swear to God.

Ryan 53:39

So what happens if I go to the casino next week and I win 1.75 million?

Kyle 53:44

1.7 million, I win $1.75 million $1.7 million.

Ryan 53:46

I win $1 million. How much in?

Carlos 53:47

taxes. Do you have to pay for that? I'm running.

Kyle 53:51

He's walking out on that tab too. You're just going to get the cash and leave.

Ryan 53:55

I'm putting it in. They give me my money.

Carlos 53:56

I'm out. Where are you going? Brazil, cuba.

Kyle 53:59

Colombia? No he would. He'd get fucking fried by the IRS.

Carlos 54:03

Yeah, you're gone.

Ryan 54:05

I'm going to.

Carlos 54:05

Medellin, we're going to get a random letter. Hey guy are you?

Kyle 54:09

Jason Bourne, you're not running from the government man, they're going to find you your slight work.

Ryan 54:15

What is Diddy doing right now?

Kyle 54:18

He's worth a billion fucking dollars. Give me two years. You're going to turn that 1.7 mil into a bill Into a bill.

Ryan 54:25

I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone.

Kyle 54:28

That boy's gone. I'm gone. No, bro, they're going to fucking Because you're going to be dying.

Carlos 54:32

They'll find you immediately oh immediately.

Ryan 54:35

Well, how do you think I would?

Kyle 54:36

go out. What does Eric always say? They're going to find you in a ditch somewhere, dad, in a ditch somewhere.

Carlos 54:42

It's like it wasn't even us, it was someone else. I can see you going out, pretty cool.

Ryan 54:47

Just getting blasted In a blaze of glory. Yeah, a bunch of liquor.

Kyle 54:52

I could honestly, probably see you overdosing in a donkey show.

Ryan 54:59

Oh, a dog fight arena.

Kyle 55:01

No, a donkey show In a donkey show. Yeah, a lady getting fucked by a donkey.

Carlos 55:06

Jesus Christ, you'd think they would have.

Ryan 55:09

Ryan.

Kyle 55:10

He'd go to Mexico. He'd go to the easiest one.

Ryan 55:12

No, I'm going to. I'm going to Colombia. I'm going to Colombia.

Kyle 55:14

I'd be gone.

Ryan 55:15

You, you're going to go to Colombia, I'm going to Medellin, medellin, medellin.

Carlos 55:22

Oh, where is? Is that? Is that Escobar, you?

Kyle 55:24

think a little fucking pasty redhead white boy is going to survive in Medellin. You live and you learn, just because he saw Narcos. That's all he's going off of. He's going straight there. He just saw Narcos.

Ryan 55:35

I'm a chameleon, I can adapt.

Carlos 55:37

No, you're not, they're going to throw you in the fucking cage with the rest of you.

Ryan 55:40

No, you're not, I'm pod boss.

Kyle 55:46

You're going to use your fucking debit card. One time They'll find you. Yeah, they'll get your ass. I'm just trying to buy some pods. Yeah bro, you're going to go to.

Ryan 55:55

Columbia. You just want nicotine. I want to go to Columbia like bad. Why, bad bitches?

Kyle 56:01

Disappear. There's bad bitches everywhere. You know how corrupt it is down there. How fucked that shit is that.

Carlos 56:06

Bad bitches everywhere.

Kyle 56:07

You know how corrupt it is down there, how fucked that shit is. That's how easy it is.

Carlos 56:10

That's where Carlos is from what are you talking about, you, columbia?

Kyle 56:13

I'm not Columbia. I'd have a lot more money right now if I were he could tell you the horror stories.

Ryan 56:17

dude, what's it like?

Kyle 56:19

People like you, a bunch of white boys see narcos and think they can go to Colombia and survive, you'll fucking be gone, man, fuck it, I'll go to.

Ryan 56:30

I'll go to Senegal, where?

Kyle 56:31

do you? Where is that? Tell me where that is Africa Is it? Is it in? Yeah, senegal is Africa, yeah.

Ryan 56:41

One of my boys used to live in Senegal. What did he do in fucking Senegal? His parents were United Nations ambassadors and he lived on a fucking 100-acre compound out there Privilege.

Carlos 56:52

Yeah, not going to happen, I can show you his address.

Ryan 56:56

I have it on my phone right now. I'm good.

Kyle 56:57

I'd go to fucking Swaziland.

Ryan 57:00

Where the fuck is that it's in Africa.

Kyle 57:02

I did a book report on it one time in elementary school.

Ryan 57:06

You know where you belong South.

Kyle 57:08

Africa, the.

Ryan 57:08

Caribbean. You belong in South Africa, south Africa.

Kyle 57:12

That was just African.

Ryan 57:14

Kissing a bunch of dudes out there. You know what I mean.

Kyle 57:16

Kissing dudes in South Africa.

Ryan 57:18

What's it with I?

Carlos 57:19

think they fucking execute gay dudes there.

Ryan 57:22

Don't act gay. What happened to Dew Presley or whatever his name was? Dew Presley, the dude who beat.

Kyle 57:29

Strickland, I don't know what you're talking about. Ufc.

Ryan 57:33

Strickland. Yeah, who did Strickland?

Kyle 57:36

lose to in the top five. I don't know, it is funny white dudes who are like yo I'm from Africa, I'm in Africa, I'm bringing this belt back for Africa. Just the white dudes, just the fucking pasty white guy, be like damn, you can't take that belt back to Africa. Shove it in your mouth.

Ryan 57:59

That's crazy. You're so fucking gay, carlos, don't get started, dude you get literally three beers in you and you start touching me.

Kyle 58:07

You're feeling up on me. You're talking gay shit, I think that's quite the opposite.

Carlos 58:10

No it's not, 100% not.

Ryan 58:13

I'm agreeing with Kyle 100%.

Carlos 58:15

Because you guys touch each other.

Wild and animalistic

Ryan 58:16

No, you don't touch Kyle. Me and Kyle go on journeys together. We're hunting like the animals we are. You're goddamn right.

Carlos 58:26

After each other.

Kyle 58:28

No, what are you hunting? Ryan's like a little meerkat. I'm a lion.

Carlos 58:32

Shut the fuck up Exactly.

Ryan 58:36

I'm not a meerkat. Don't try to group me into your shit.

Carlos 58:42

Kyle's like a lion and I'm a hippo.

Ryan 58:45

Like Timon and Pumbaa. How?

Kyle 58:45

the fuck, are you a hippo man?

Carlos 58:50

Because I'm a savage Hippos, do kill like more people.

Ryan 58:51

Hippos are pretty savage. Any animal in Africa. I'm a fucking savage. I'm a savage. Yeah, you're a savage, I'm a fucking savage.

Kyle 58:57

You're a savage for fucking sucking D and getting on your knees.

Ryan 59:02

If you see the fucking video, you see it's on my fucking chain. Nah, it's on your chin, I'm not a religious.

Kyle 59:06

Nah, it's on your chin bitch.

Ryan 59:08

I'm not a religious fuck, so I got a Jesus pendant. I don't know what the fuck it's there for, but it keeps you safe?

Kyle 59:14

I'm Christian asshole. You don't deserve that.

Ryan 59:17

You're not Christian. I said, oh you fuck.

Kyle 59:21

I think that's an episode fellas. Let's get the fuck out of here Please. For the love of God, get me out of here. We need to go.

Ryan 59:28

Me and Kyle are going to go fight in the backyard.

Carlos 59:32

We'll get it on video.

Ryan 59:34

Round, one of the three rounds. I'm coming out victorious. I'm going to fucking knock his ass out, carlos.

Kyle 59:39

Where's your salesman voice?

Carlos 59:41

Here we are, see us out. Find us on everything YouTube, spotify, facebook.

Kyle 59:47

Apple Podcasts.

Carlos 59:48

Apple Podcasts Kyle's butt.

Kyle 59:49

Not Facebook. Stop saying Facebook, see ya.

Carlos 59:52

Hair loss reduction.

Kyle 59:53

Goodbye oh.