Newest Lows
Get ready to laugh, cringe, and question the life choices of Kyle, Ryan, and Carlos as they share their most embarrassing, ridiculous, and downright stupid stories on Newest Lows! Join these three friends as they dive into the depths of their own ineptitude, and emerge with a newfound appreciation for the absurdity of life. New episodes released every Monday!
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Newest Lows
Episode 7: Spirits that need lifting
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newestlows
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newestlows
Email us:
newestlows@gmail.com
I mean it is Life's tough man. Life is not easy. You gotta make decisions.
Erick:Tough decisions.
Carlos:You gotta keep going after you make those decisions. Ryan knows Shit ain't easy.
Ryan:It's not easy, buddy, it's not easy what?
Kyle:type of life-changing decisions have you made lately, Ryan? But is it happiness? No, you know what I think? I don't think life is supposed to be fucking happy dude.
Carlos:You don't think so.
Kyle:No, hopefully it'll be happy when you were gone.
Ryan:I think life would be happy if you turned 18 and someone gave you a million dollars or a hundred million.
Kyle:You love talking about money, man.
Carlos:You think money brings you happiness. If you were given money at the ripe age of 18, what would you even do with it?
Ryan:You know what's fucked up, what? I got money when I turned 18 from my dad dying when you turned 18? I got just about $40,000.
Carlos:$40,000? That's a decent amount of money. What'd you do with it? I?
Ryan:blew it all. I blew it all, it's gone.
Carlos:How can you blow 40 grand that easily?
Kyle:40 grand would be easy to blow.
Carlos:Like if you were like trying to blow it yeah.
Kyle:I blow fucking in a month. Yeah, I blow fucking five grand, not trying to.
Ryan:My mom told me when I was on my spending bullshit. She said you're going through your money quick, quick sweetie.
Carlos:But, it's your money.
Ryan:I said, ah, fuck it, I don't care.
Carlos:How fast did it take you to blow 40 grand? A year and a half.
Ryan:That's not terrible Like a year and a half.
Carlos:You're frugal with it?
Kyle:What were you buying? You were buying fucking designer shades, designer clothes Shoes shirts, hats, beanies.
Ryan:You were buying fucking expensive clothes.
Carlos:Do you still have all those clothes?
Erick:No, no oh my God.
Carlos:No, I know, you didn't outgrow it.
Ryan:I am missing a. Currently I'm missing a almost $1,000 shirt $1,000 shirt.
Kyle:Why the fuck are you buying a $1,000 shirt, was it?
Carlos:like whenever you got it stained, the stain would go away. Or like what kind of shirt was it? It was a Fendi shirt, did it fucking?
Kyle:turn you invisible.
Ryan:It was a nice shirt though, yeah, but no, I lost my Fuck you. Almost $1,000 shirt Fucking like $500 in slides, slides Just going Slides Crocs are $60, gucci slides, ferragamo slides, belts.
Kyle:You want Ferragamo slides.
Ryan:Yeah, what the fuck I used to have, like Probably I'd get, give or take. I'd probably say I'd have Five good slides On a slides on a good day, five good pairs of slides, five belts, probably like four or five pairs of shades, and I don't have any of it anymore.
Kyle:Dog used to be dripped. Used to be dripped out.
Ryan:Not in a good way. No, you're fucking randomly, not in a good way, I guess. But yeah, I was walking around in like a $3,000 outfit.
Kyle:No, you do a very random fashion choice. So you just buy expensive and then just randomly put it together. So it's like it doesn't look great but it is very expensive. But I guess that is fucking fashion. Now it all looks like shit.
Carlos:Yeah, have you seen?
Kyle:It's supposed to not go together Except for my dog Zach, except for my dog Zach. He's sending us our first sponsor. He's sending us hats.
Ryan:Oh, he's sending us hats. Yeah, he's sending us hats. He's sending us hats. Shout out to the motherfucker Shout him out. Shout him out. I know I asked you about that, like a week ago. Does he have a?
Kyle:business he does.
Ryan:No, he got a fire business.
Carlos:He says it's fire. Is it printed or no?
Kyle:I think it's threaded. He sews.
Carlos:Damn.
Kyle:Dude, that's solid.
Carlos:Yeah, that's like good shit, he's one-upping our producer right now.
Ryan:Oh man, he's one-upping our guy right here.
Carlos:I'm trying, I'm trying, y'all competing. Are you about to show us his shop?
Ryan:His shit is fire. It's nice, zerman.
Kyle:Z-I-R-M. Zermincom, I don't know hell yeah, whatever shout out to. Hats, that's our first sponsor shout out.
Ryan:Zach, yeah, shouts out. You better not be a feisty little cunt like Kyle's. Fucking ass is went to high school with this dog, oh he's a dog?
Kyle:yup, he's still up north yeah, I mean, he's a fucking. I'm better dogs with him. I've known him longer than I've known you fucking assholes.
Carlos:Yeah, I wouldn't think you didn't. Kyle, what would you do?
Ryan:without us three, you think you'd be in a better place.
Kyle:Probably.
Carlos:Are we what holds you around?
Ryan:Are we anchors to you? Are you guys?
Kyle:my anchor.
Ryan:No, are we anchors to you?
Kyle:Oh, like pulling me down trying to drown me.
Ryan:Are we dragging you down in your life journey?
Kyle:Yeah, you guys try to drown me every fucking day.
Ryan:With what.
Carlos:You're too buoyant Elaborate.
Kyle:But I can't drown.
Carlos:My tits will save me. Your gut's just hanging above water. I can relate, though.
Kyle:No, dude, you guys fucking suck. Do you want to fight?
Ryan:We've we go down this road every fucking oh no no, no, I'm not talking about wrestling. I'm talking about fighting.
Erick:Physically.
Ryan:Mentally, physically you ever seen good-?
Carlos:Mentally More mental than physical.
Kyle:I feel like. Would you like to sexually fight me?
Carlos:Have you ever seen those?
Kyle:Those weird Like weird. It's like a wrestling match those pornhub videos where it's like A dude and a chick are wrestling.
Ryan:I have.
Kyle:And they'll fuck for like 5 seconds and then go back to weirdly wrestling and then she'll give like 5 seconds of a blowjob and they'll fucking get each other into.
Carlos:No, I've never seen that.
Kyle:It's like they don't have sex at all. They're just weirdly rolling around the mat. It's so fucking awesome.
Ryan:Wait, I got a question that seems cringy. It's very cringy. I got a question for you what Do you want to fight me, or do you want to fuck me? What? Because either way, I'm getting naked bitch. What fucking type of question is this?
Erick:So what fucking type of?
Ryan:question is this so?
Carlos:you would let him fuck you then. And they talk about my sexual orientation, depending on if he said yes or no to either of those questions, kyle, if we did fight?
Ryan:you wanted to square up, you got all mad, you want to go all big dog right? I feel like we've been through this before and I got naked. Are you going to fight me?
Kyle:It depends on what you did, I guess.
Ryan:I'm just naked.
Carlos:I would fight you if you were naked, if I was mad enough, yeah, if you punched my mom, I'd probably.
Kyle:Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
Carlos:And then you just got naked for some reason For some odd reason Like yeah. I fucking just knocked your mom out, but I'm getting naked, so what are you gonna do? You'd fight a naked crackhead If I had to, for good reason.
Ryan:I'd still fuck you up on that snake, carlos, are you?
Carlos:calling yourself a crackhead, no.
Erick:Well, you just asked me if I would fight a naked crackhead.
Kyle:That is a very crackhead thing to do. Take off your clothes and try to fight somebody.
Carlos:It's like you want some of this.
Ryan:That's a Like a Joe Dirt kind of vibe. Joe Dirt, exactly, exactly.
Carlos:I got two weapons right here. Joder used to be fucking awesome dude. It still is the shit silo.
Ryan:He thought was a missile yeah, he's like show me your titties.
Carlos:The lotion rubs itself on oh yeah buffalo jack, I think his name was yeah, playing off a fucking boat he just wanted some fucking mags silence of the lambs no, I never. It's fucked, isn't?
Ryan:it like kids. No, you know what we were talking about this morning the ringer.
Kyle:It's alright, I wasn't talking or anything. Ryan, you can just talk over me all you want, that's fine.
Carlos:What the fuck is.
Kyle:What about the ringer dude? What is the Silence of the Lambs? No, we're not talking about that anymore. Obviously you had something more important to say, so let's talk about that Please.
Carlos:I'd love to talk about the Ringer. I haven't seen any of those. Isn't one like a TV show and the other is a movie? No, they're both movies.
Ryan:Both movies.
Kyle:The Ringer is about fucking Johnny Knoxville pretending to be retarded to win the Special Olympics. Oh, that's a good movie. Do you know where they took it from South Park. They took it from South Park.
Ryan:No, the fuck, they did not.
Kyle:Cartman pretends to be retarded. No, to win a fucking thousand dollars in the Special Olympics.
Carlos:Cartman would. Is this the movie where they're like, oh, we want to go get ice cream and they're like when the fuck did we get ice cream?
Ryan:When the fuck did we get ice cream? No, they did not take Word of God. No, 2005? 2005.
Kyle:Early 2000s the season. I looked it up because I watched the episode of South Park that Cartman was doing it and it came out a year before this movie. No, when Cartman. It's the same thing. Cartman pretends to be retarded because there's a $1,000 bonus and he loses. It's the same thing as the ringer, you remember? They were all beating him. They were all beating him at the event, so he had to get good.
Ryan:Well, he was trying to win that girl or whatever the fuck it was.
Kyle:Right, but it was about money At the end of the day. Yeah, at the end of the day, because remember in the ringer that fucking Mexican chops his fingers off and Mexican chops his fingers off Stavi Stavi was his name. He put his their landscaper chops his fingers off in the lawnmower and he needs like a.
Carlos:For what? Just like? Because it happened. What Like in the movie, like he, just it just so happened, he chopped his fingers off. But you've never seen, no, I've never seen the Ringer oh my God, he, his, his landscaper gets his fingers chopped off.
Kyle:And then he's like I need fate. He has. All these three are gone, he's like. But I can still pick flowers, and he's like. So he's like we got to get him reattached, so he fucking him and his uncle come up with the special Olympics to make a million dollar idea oh shit, but they took that from fucking south dude.
Carlos:South park is that's oh gee, yeah, south park is how can you?
Kyle:How the fuck can you Family Guy or South Park? I like Family Guy. You're a terrible taste in music, in TV shows and movies, everything.
Ryan:I'm going South Park.
Carlos:It's South Park. I feel like Family Guy is just funny. So is South Park.
Kyle:But it just goes. South Park is too smart for you. No, it's not, it goes over your head.
Carlos:I remember, the craziest South Park episode I've ever seen was one time I was sitting on my couch and I'm just watching it, and it's whenever they're playing video games and then, for some reason, they end up as real humans at the end of it yeah, it's the Warcraft one.
Kyle:Yeah, where they're playing World of Warcraft.
Carlos:I was like so caught off guard because I was just watching it. Like I just caught it in the middle of the episode, just watch it, and then they end up as regular humans, if you think anything.
Kyle:any animated show is better than South Park. You're a fucking idiot. And you should jump off a roof, a two-story roof so you just hurt yourself, you wouldn't die Any animated like show ever.
Carlos:Are you throwing shots?
Kyle:At anybody who thinks any animated show is better than South Park. Yes, Wow.
Carlos:Name one Guess.
Erick:I can't Also.
Carlos:I don't watch as much fucking TV as you. I like Hoops, hoops. I love Hoops. I don't even know what that is. Is that that bullshit Netflix one?
Ryan:The Netflix one with the.
Kyle:You like that better than South Park?
Ryan:No, I like South.
Kyle:Park. But Okay, I said name one better dumbass.
Carlos:I like South Park, but I feel like it's just hard to watch sometimes.
Kyle:No, it's too fucking smart for you is what it is.
Ryan:Well, rick and Morty Family Guy is fucking gay as fuck American Dad or Rick and Morty American Dad is the exact same as fucking.
Kyle:Family.
Carlos:Guy, I have never watched Rick and Morty, it's.
Kyle:Family Guy without the weird cuts to like, oh Jesus, when Jesus did this, and then they randomly cut to Jesus doing that.
Carlos:Yeah, that's what I like about it, it's retarded.
Kyle:It's so funny. You think Rick and Morty's better. I will say first two seasons of Rick and Morty, fire, Super fire Came out, but then Justin Roiland was grooming kids. They don't even have the cast there anymore.
Ryan:Oh, I forgot about that. Have the cast there anymore.
Kyle:They brought in an impersonator who does a perfect Rick and Morty. That seems to be the case with TV shows.
Carlos:Yeah, why is everybody?
Kyle:touching these goddamn kids. Shit why everybody gotta touch kids.
Ryan:So goddamn much, don't get me started.
Carlos:Don't get me fucking started. Were you touched as a kid.
Kyle:No, it's like, bro, what the fuck about money makes you like have to touch kids?
Carlos:I don't understand. I think it's just like they're surrounded by it all the time, so it seems normal to them who's surrounded by it, like the people producing these shows.
Kyle:Oh, they're surrounded by other dudes.
Carlos:Yeah, it's like their work environment it's like they're your Harvey Weinstein.
Kyle:They're like you have to touch these kids and I'll get you a big movie deal. They just use that because they have the upper hand, because harvey weinstein weinstein was doing some wild stuff, dude. He got canceled. No well, he deserved to. Yeah, he absolutely deserved to. But also but he made those also you're a dumb bitch his victims. He was a bad guy, but they sucked it. They would suck his dick and do whatever to get into a movie. So you're a vain person as well. So they're like money wise, money wise.
Ryan:Money wise yeah.
Kyle:Yes, dude, exactly Because he gave them the thought and the promise of getting into a huge movie.
Ryan:How much would it take for you to sell your soul? I?
Kyle:thought you were going to ask me how much it would take for me to touch a kid we can't talk about that Ryan?
Carlos:Yeah, you can't. You should not throw a dollar amount on that, please. I said to sell your soul. To sell my soul. I think last time you said 10 mil, no he said 10 mil.
Kyle:I didn't say anything. I don't remember that.
Ryan:To sell my soul. You said like 500,000. What does?
Kyle:that mean to sell your soul. Give me the ground rules. What happens?
Ryan:So I guess selling your soul In the new age and days is You're getting raped or getting butt fucked, is it?
Carlos:Guess that's how it is. Is that it, I guess, so your?
Ryan:question.
Carlos:I feel like there might be a little more to that.
Kyle:Also, don't say the fucking R word anymore. Man eric's gotta bleep that out. I'm sorry I'm sorry say sexually assaulted. We can still say that yes, we can say sexually assaulted yes we can.
Carlos:You can put an x where the a supposed to be and it'll.
Ryan:It'll be okay well, you heard about what cat williams always says. He's like I've I protected my, my one thing in my entire life his butt, his butt, his butt, the diddy parties, exactly.
Carlos:He said no, diddy, no diddy exactly diddy kat williams, as extravagant as he seems, was actually speaking.
Kyle:A lot of truth happened. Why is everybody gay as fuck? Now all the rappers are coming out gay.
Ryan:Did you see that? Fucking. Did you see that post that meek mill just posted?
Kyle:no, what is that no?
Ryan:No, no, oh, he was wearing one of those. What the fuck is it? What's that? A bodysuit? No, it's um. What fucking hold on? What movie is this? It's not fucking um, jesus, man.
Kyle:Eric look that up, Because he's obviously can't explain it.
Ryan:He brings it up and can't explain it. It's um hold on, what's the what? Hold on, just say it. Forrest Gump. Not Forrest Gump Like a jumpsuit, no, it's like the the fishnet, the fishnet Shirts or whatever. It is Okay.
Kyle:He was wearing one. Yes, he was just wearing a fishnet. I don't think that Eric can find that.
Ryan:No, he can. He can. He posted it on his Instagram, on his Instagram.
Kyle:Cause you remember when all that was coming out In relation to what you remember when all that was coming out first, when it was Meek Mill and Diddy. Yeah, and he goes on Twitter and he's like yo, I'm straight as fuck, I fuck so many girls.
Carlos:I love pussy. It sounds familiar, it sounds familiar.
Kyle:I've heard that before. How are you Any, all these fucking gangster rappers, the ones that talk about having sex and getting the most pussy?
Ryan:are gay.
Kyle:Right there, right there oh, it's like a mesh t-shirt.
Ryan:It's a mesh.
Carlos:What was the caption?
Ryan:it's a mesh shirt he said I'm, I'm high and I'm wavy or I'm too high to know what's going on right now all those, uh, all that industry plant shit is real Kyle, would you wear something like?
Carlos:that Ryan.
Erick:What your shirt's fit. Like that on you, you do look like that.
Ryan:It's not mesh. Though it's not mesh, I'm wearing a fucking Carlo T right now. We'll pull up. I do got two buttons on that. If I had five, they'd all be done Undone.
Carlos:But you do have your necklace on again.
Kyle:Yeah, I mean that is wild. Cause. Yeah, when he came out, he had the Perfect defense of being like no, I love pussy, I get too much pussy.
Carlos:Well, they caught him on video In the pool too, at Diddy's house, bro.
Kyle:They're all fucking gay. You saw that video of I hate to put fucking Smut on this man's name who Everybody puts him as the GOAT J Cole, tupac Shakur, whoa.
Ryan:You seen that? Oh, yeah, I know you were telling me about that shit. Yeah, when he was young, look up a young Tupac Shakur gay.
Carlos:Your fucking internet history is about to be fucked.
Kyle:Bro, he does an interview when he's like 18. That one, that second row, yep, and he has the hand motions.
Carlos:Look at him. He does look a little gay there. He's very homoerotic. Maybe that's why Jada likes Will.
Ryan:Apparently she doesn't like him. No, she hates Will. Will Smith is a goddamn cuck-ass Shit hopefully Will doesn't know this.
Kyle:He went up there and slapped fucking Chris Rock in the fucking. But no, dude, he's like 17. He was 17, yeah, just look at like His mannerisms and the way he talks. It's fucking nuts. Like how is Tupac Shugurgan Fucking interview At 17?
Carlos:Cause he made it.
Ryan:Jesus Christ.
Carlos:You're telling me You're telling me he, you're telling me, he has that one earring in.
Ryan:I have two.
Carlos:I have two Do you want to see I have two. Now you're missing one dude.
Kyle:You're telling me.
Erick:Why do you pull my?
Kyle:shit back up. I hate to put smart on one of the goats' names, but, dear mama, why is everybody? I have no problem With gays, but when Stop fucking rapping about how much pussy you get and how good you fuck.
Ryan:And how much you thugging in the streets. That's gay.
Kyle:Yeah For you to. If you came in here and was like Yo, I fucking dogged out my wife last night, I was getting fucking Not your wife. It doesn't really work when you have a wife like this yeah, no, that doesn't really fit well.
Carlos:What if Ryan came in here and was just like bragging about?
Kyle:pussy and how good you fuck the chick. It's like yo, you're gay as fuck, you are gay man. It's like when you talk about it, it's like all right. Yeah, bro, keep that shit closeted. Not the gay way. I don't kiss and tell no. What sound do you always?
Carlos:make. The girl makes when she gives you head. Dude, give me the hand motion Welcome back to the show.
Kyle:This is Newest Love. Was that the?
Carlos:intro jesus.
Ryan:Well, it is newest low, so there's a new low every single day of my life yeah yeah you continue. You, oh, you're talking about me now.
Kyle:Oh, you want to talk about me now you cease to amaze me at how low your rock bottom is, because you haven't hit it yet.
Ryan:No, you're at your rock bottom right now. You think so?
Kyle:Yeah, damn, I don't know man, I do think so.
Ryan:I've never seen you this down.
Carlos:Down and out.
Ryan:This has been a long week. I feel like I thought you had a pretty chill week. You told me it was going to be a chill week.
Kyle:It was a chill week until it wasn't man. That's fair. Until it hit, the fan Can happen in the blink of an eye Shit.
Erick:Cheer your buddy up. Cheer him up. It's one person's opinion what?
Carlos:the fuck are you doing? If you were to give Kyle any kind of joke to cheer him up right now, what would it be you got advice for him. Any advice or jokes or anything to lift up his spirits.
Ryan:No, no. Well, it's in one ear, out the other ear, all right.
Carlos:Kyle, what can we do to lift up your spirits? What do you think?
Kyle:Nothing. I don't seek help from you guys. Where do you seek help From myself, from a higher self?
Ryan:His healing rocks, his crystal rocks.
Kyle:I don't fucking have healing rocks.
Carlos:So do you think it's just like all you? You said you wanted some.
Ryan:I did say I was going to get some. You want some? Let us help you.
Kyle:Why dude? Because we're your friends.
Ryan:We all need help, but we're fucking men we're not fucking friends, we're coworkers.
Carlos:All right, we are fucking coworkers.
Ryan:Come on.
Kyle:Let's be realistic, all right. I have real friends where they live in a different state I have friends, they don't go here.
Kyle:They're not here they go to a different school shit. I mean, read that fucking paper again. We got to get our name out there, man. How do we? You know what we got to do? We got a ryan. I need you. I'm gonna give you some homework. You gotta learn how to market this podcast. You gotta learn how to fucking have you even tried on facebook get it out to the masses? We're not doing facebook. I've said it before fuck off.
Carlos:You know what I think we're not doing?
Ryan:bad well so far and all of us who has we'll do a pool right now who has the most followers on instagram?
Kyle:but did you repost anything?
Ryan:Yeah, yeah, yeah, last time the last episode.
Kyle:You didn't repost.
Ryan:The one that just dropped, yeah, three or four.
Kyle:Yeah, yeah, wow, tell them the story.
Ryan:None of your, but nobody's watching or what I don't know I don't know, buddy, know buddy.
Carlos:People are definitely watching, though, or listening, I guess.
Kyle:I'm trying to get some dogs in Africa listening to this.
Carlos:It'll work its way through there.
Kyle:We should do a mission trip. Ryan.
Ryan:Name the seven continents right now North America, north America, north America, south America, europe, asia, okay Africa. North America, north America, south America, europe, asia. Okay Africa. Yeah.
Carlos:So that's five. What's the last one?
Ryan:Australia yeah.
Carlos:China Continents.
Ryan:Oh continents, fuck you, I don't fucking know.
Carlos:I'm good at math, buddy, you're pretty good, I mean you got like nine out of ten, are those all?
Kyle:the wait wait no seven.
Ryan:How to get nine out of ten? Yeah, no, no, we got pretty much there the con is north america, south america what is that?
Kyle:it was asia, africa, north and south america I've never learned that song, really.
Carlos:No, that's not something I have in the back of my brain, because I don't think.
Kyle:I couldn't, because Australia is technically a continent Asia, africa.
Ryan:China.
Kyle:Europe, no, china's in Asia, asia's, fucking huge Asia's fucking big dude.
Carlos:What is there Actually? Fuck you.
Ryan:You put me on the spot, you name them then. Then I'm just looking at the map. Now. Oceania is a continent. No, it's not. That's only the region.
Kyle:You said name seven. That's six, buddy. Yeah, there's seven continents. That's not showing the fucking continents. Imagine europe, asia oceania.
Ryan:What the fuck is oceania is that like uh, that's australia down there.
Kyle:I don't know why they're calling it fucking oceania yeah that's throwing me off what's the seventh one Wait? Are we fucking retarded? I don't fucking know, is it. Africa, africa's on there.
Erick:Europe, africa.
Kyle:North and South America.
Carlos:I got all of them Hawaii, australia. Europe.
Ryan:Hawaii's in the fucking United States, Carlos.
Kyle:Yeah, that's technically a state. You know what's not in the United States.
Ryan:What.
Kyle:Mexico. I knew you were going to say Mexico, that's where you're from.
Carlos:Carlos, I am Mexican, you are.
Ryan:You're Fexican. Fexican, what is?
Carlos:that Americanized.
Ryan:Fake Mexican, Fake Mexican. What the fuck is? Decatur Georgia.
Carlos:It's Georgia Louisiana.
Ryan:What the fuck is Hesse?
Carlos:I think that's like in Germany or something. Virginia, oklahoma.
Erick:Jacksonville.
Ryan:Bowling.
Carlos:Green, bowling Green, florida.
Ryan:I was just in there today, buddy, oh we got three.
Kyle:Oh, those are my boys out in Denver.
Carlos:Oh shit, they're out there, shout out.
Kyle:The 1%. Kyle Texas, dude, Fuck yeah.
Ryan:There's two out there. Fuck yeah, whoever's living?
Kyle:in Kyle Texas, fuck yeah.
Ryan:Whoever's in Green Coast Springs and Orange Park, fuck you.
Kyle:You don't like Green Coast Springs I I Is that Italy.
Carlos:Vienna.
Kyle:That's Europe, yeah.
Ryan:Dublin, that's Ireland I'm not great with, are you guys?
Kyle:good with geography? No, obviously none of us are. We couldn't do a name of seven continents.
Ryan:Lansing, michigan, eustis yeah, I know that. One Lehigh Acres.
Kyle:Now we're just naming fucking cities Lehigh.
Ryan:What's the seventh fucking continent On the earth?
Carlos:Kyle, look up the continents, please, eric.
Ryan:Hey, apparently I got nine out of ten.
Carlos:Let's see I got nine out of ten.
Ryan:Let's see I got nine out of fucking ten out of the seven continents. That's not bad. It really isn't bad.
Kyle:You actually did pretty well. That's pretty fucking good. That's an A.
Carlos:Just the seven continents of the world. That is a fucking A Content.
Ryan:Eric's got an I in it. Buddy Continent All right.
Carlos:So North America.
Ryan:Oh fuck you Antarctica.
Carlos:Yeah, why?
Kyle:Why is that a thing I forgot about Antarctica? Wait, did they rename it To Oceana?
Carlos:Nah, it's not Australia anymore, it's Oceana.
Ryan:It's 5, 6, 7. Africa and.
Kyle:Australia slash Oceania. What?
Ryan:the fuck. Come on, man. I never learned that We've been out of school way too long. That was not in civics class Nah shit has changed in curriculum.
Kyle:How the fuck did we forget Antarctica? George Floyd Whoa.
Ryan:Eric Whoa, are we talking about a T?
Kyle:No, no, eric.
Ryan:Whoa Are we talking about a?
Carlos:T no.
Ryan:No.
Carlos:TM. You pretty much got all of them, though. Well, now we got a hard reset.
Kyle:Why'd you have to say it, man? I just saw it. You're going to get us fucking canceled for misinformation. Not canceled because we have fucking 200 listeners. We won't get canceled yet no, I think that's why they're around if you think now, though, none of us can ever run for any type of public office with even just the four we've put out you don't think we can fuck?
Ryan:no, I don't give a fuck. Maybe, carlos, can you think. Still, I don't think you've ever said anything that I don't give a fuck.
Kyle:Maybe Carlos, can you think? Still, I don't think you've ever said anything that crazy.
Carlos:No, I've tried to not. You might still be able to run for office somewhere.
Ryan:You've been being vulgar. How Everything you say.
Carlos:Yeah, the past couple episodes have been pretty, you told me I was being vulgar.
Kyle:You're just a fucking nasty, like dirty person. What?
Carlos:the fuck does that mean I can smell. When you talk, dude, you can smell them all the way over there.
Kyle:Nah, ryan's a good guy, man. Fuck you. Shout out Ryan, fuck it out. Shout out the third co-host, ryan, you're number three Damn, I got booted down. You got booted down.
Carlos:I've been number two For a while. I feel like you guys have been doing one in three Like bouncing back and forth.
Ryan:Well, yeah, man. Well, it depends on when Kyle wants to talk and when he's in a fucking Pussy, ass fucking mood.
Carlos:I will say, kyle, your mood has Been better this time around.
Ryan:No, no, no.
Carlos:I want the fuck His mood today sucked In a shitty little mood, don't you think he progressed a little bit, though I didn't even get here until the night time. Yeah, it's been pretty late. You are a fucking. You're a skinwalker. Skinwalkers are like skinny.
Kyle:What does that?
Ryan:mean you do thrive in the night time.
Kyle:I'm a night owl, for sure. What are you talking about? You don't go to bed until like 4 am Last night yeah.
Carlos:Okay, then that's one night. What time do you normally go to bed, Like on the weekend, like Friday night? What time do you go to bed Like? 4, 4 or 5 in the morning. I'm more of the midnight 1 o'clock kind of guy.
Ryan:No, you're not, I'm done.
Kyle:You're sitting in the dark in your wife beater after mowing your grass at 11 pm. It is weird as fuck how you play games in the pitch black, it's better on the eyes.
Carlos:I don't think it is. I don't think it is. You got to focus up.
Ryan:No, dude, you might need some glasses.
Carlos:Buddy, you play games I hate whenever I'm out of town with you guys. I'm out of town with you guys. I'm trying to play video games and you're both in my fucking room. I'm just trying to play video games and it's dark and you guys are like it's fucking dark and then you turn my lights on. That's annoying.
Kyle:It is. Why do you need it so fucking dark in there? Because that's my vibe.
Carlos:It's weird Night owl.
Kyle:It's like all you see is your silhouette.
Carlos:No any little screen you're playing on. I don't see my silhouette. I'm playing video games. I see it when you walk in. It's weird.
Kyle:Well, I'm sorry that I disturbed you so much Turn a fucking light on.
Carlos:Nah, dude, turn them off.
Erick:No.
Carlos:I just need to focus on what's in front of me. You're a little dark. You're a little fucker, aren't you? Before I go to sleep, fucking $600. Yeah, I don't do that, it's not that much, it's like $200 at the worst.
Erick:Holy fuck. Yeah, that's pretty. It's like $200. That's a lot dude.
Ryan:I didn't know, but my mom just told me you're not supposed to run the washing machine and the dishwasher at the same time.
Kyle:Yeah, I don't run any of that. It's coming from the same plumbing or dishwasher going.
Carlos:I do. I'll wash the dishes, and I have to wash them in cold water whenever we're giving the baby a bath, because the heat literally goes away very quickly.
Kyle:We're in a house. A $200 fucking power bill for a one bedroom apartment is nutty. Yeah, it's kind of wild Living by yourself.
Carlos:You kind of just fall asleep. Though you don't like. I'm sure you wake up at like 3 or 4 in the morning and turn all your lights off At some point.
Ryan:I do, I do. Yeah, I pass out with lights on After you've been asleep For like 4 or 5 hours, 4 or 5 hours, yeah yeah.
Kyle:No, mine is like $90 maximum. It's been like $80 before, $75 $80.
Carlos:I have power strips For my TV when I turn it off, and it turns everything off to save money.
Ryan:I don't know what the fuck a power strip is. It's like a surge protector.
Carlos:Yeah, a surge protector yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle:Where you can click it on and off. It has like four or five outlets. It's got the red switch on there.
Carlos:And it just turns everything off.
Ryan:I have one of those, but I don't use it.
Carlos:I put my TV on it my Apple TV too, like that streams my cable Shit. Turn that shit right off Live and you learn, buddy, that's fucking fascinating, Carlos. Some people don't know, apparently.
Kyle:You're fucking annoying man why? You know what I'm fucking annoyed at?
Carlos:What's that they're trying to?
Kyle:ban all the fucking hot ladies on TikTok.
Ryan:They're trying to ban TikTok together. They haven't been banning like a motherfucker. I know what the fuck TikTok's stupid Every little Instagram reel I see is like I got banned on TikTok. I don't follow anybody.
Kyle:I'm not on there much. Oh, shut the fuck up I have my searches and I go to my favorite couple and I see what they posted Fucking big tits dancing around, whatever.
Carlos:That's not it.
Kyle:They're trying to take that from me.
Carlos:Apparently they're about to ban it. Chinese spyware bud.
Erick:Is it?
Carlos:Chinese or is it Japanese? It's Chinese.
Ryan:Same thing CCP, ccp. What is a CCP? Chinese Communist Party.
Carlos:Oh yeah, I have not made a TikTok account.
Ryan:I have not made one either I have a TikTok account, I have not. I have not made one either. I have a TikTok account. Have you been posting on it? Fuck?
Carlos:no, I don't follow anybody. You do a little dance.
Ryan:You know what my Reddit account is? Come and put that pussy on me.
Kyle:My Reddit account and my OnlyFans account is John Smith. You're John Doe, but John Smith you actually made an account for Reddit. Yeah, I don't follow any subreddits like that. I just again my search and then I have the ones. Isn't that what it's for?
Ryan:Do you pay for Reddit?
Kyle:No, I don't think you can pay for Reddit, can you? You only get three searches at a time.
Ryan:So do you remember all your searches?
Kyle:No, you can go into your fucking profile and then recent search history.
Ryan:Go to your profile, dude. Damn damn, I didn't know that. I've just been using three.
Kyle:Yeah, because I know when you go to type only three pop up before you pop up. What three do you look up?
Ryan:I can show you, but you don't want to tick.
Kyle:Yeah, it's like instagram. You find a bitch on tiktok, look up her name. Her tits are on there. Sometimes, go fucking, sometimes you'll find videos on there. You got to go digging. But then Reddit is really only a catalyst for Google, because Google you can still find everything. So I'll go from TikTok name. If I see they have an OnlyFans, I'm like, all right, I'm on Reddit looking up their name and if they're doing full nudies, most of the time they'll be doing vids. So then I go from Reddit to Google, Then I'm Googling their name leak and then it always pops up.
Ryan:What did you say last time? I showed you. That's quite the process. Hold on. What did I show you the last time I sent you that girl? You said it took me like five tabs to get to that one. Just clicking and clearing out, clicking and clearing out you probably still have that tab open.
Kyle:Oh yeah, the ads always pop up. You gotta close those out. Spank bang, spank bang. Yeah, that's a good one. If they shut that down, I will kill myself. You give up on humanity. That one's my favorite one.
Carlos:That's it.
Ryan:Cause, apparently, they banned Pornhub in Texas. You can't get on Pornhub anymore in Texas. Well, they're doing the weird shit now to where it's like you got to be 18 or older and you just click yes or no.
Kyle:Well, no, they've always had that. It's just like restricted in the state Maybe not always, but they've had that for a long time In Texas. It's, I think you have to put like make an account and photo ID.
Carlos:You have to put your photo ID in You've got to scan your ID To be able to access Pornhub. What if it's a Florida ID? I?
Ryan:don't know, you can't do it.
Kyle:But it's like are you ever going to put your ID in any of that shit?
Ryan:No, no, fuck no.
Kyle:What the fuck? Yeah, they banned Pornhub and fucking, I mean. I think you can still do all the other ones, but they banned a few of them. So if you're in, Texas, you have to have a VPN. Vpns don't even fucking work anymore. Really, I tried the sports bet out in fucking Alabama. Couldn't do it. You were trying to get a VPN for down here. I had a few VPNs that said connect me to Florida, and it still doesn't work.
Carlos:Damn, they're smart with it. Now they're buckling down on it now. No tracking location Sports gambling. It's like, at the end of the day, you're just spending your money Like what's the problem?
Ryan:That's what you were talking about with the whole blacklisting yourself from the casino. They'll blacklist you for like six months.
Kyle:That's more of a personal no dude same thing I do same thing they do gotta get those fucking hot ladies off of social media. Remember when social media was fun man. I remember now it's just everybody trying to fucking jerk off just trying to outdo the other person.
Ryan:You know what's crazy they're making. So all those bitches are making so much money out of that shit, you know.
Kyle:But I don't even like the ones who are making a ton of money. I like the fucking grinders who are like, who are making like 400 bucks a month, like they'll just be like just getting by, oh yeah, like they're just using it as like they look terrible and they're just like fuck it, I'm just gonna put my shit out there, it's just like a little side hustle.
Ryan:You know, you know a perfect example of that uh abby burner or whatever her name is.
Kyle:oh, fuck is fuck, is that? Oh you show me her. She's fucking gross, she's gross.
Carlos:She's got like 600,000 followers though 600K 600K yeah, she makes off of that.
Kyle:The amount of like 100K plus followers on Instagram that you can have, like the amount of women with that and you go through their posts. It's all bikini.
Ryan:It's all it's like what are we doing here? Because I told you, because I've fallen into it, what kind of society are we having here? No, because I told you all. Fuck, I think. A couple weeks ago, snoop Dogg said he got 2 billion streams on Spotify. Right?
Erick:Mm-hmm.
Ryan:Pussy.
Kyle:He's got. I fucking hate Snoop Dogg, I'm sorry. Continue Snoop.
Carlos:D-O.
Erick:G-G.
Ryan:Snoop Lion where the fuck are you going continue? I'm grabbing a beer, fuck fucker. No, he got Snoop Dogg got 2 billion streams on Spotify.
Carlos:Right Snoop Dogg be doing side quests though?
Ryan:no listen 2 billion streams how much you think he made off that. I guess a mil not even 40 grand out of how many streams?
Carlos:2 billion Two billion streams.
Ryan:How much do you think he made off that? I guess a mil.
Carlos:Not even 40 grand Out of how many streams.
Ryan:Two billion Two bill. Two bill Made 40 grand.
Kyle:Where did you see this?
Ryan:Him talking about it, him talking about it.
Kyle:I don't trust a goddamn thing that come out of that motherfucker's mouth.
Carlos:Like how many streams.
Ryan:do you need to make actual money off of something I don't know? They gave Rogan a fat deal on Spotify.
Carlos:Yeah, and that's more of like a contract. They know he's bringing in the cheddar. Yeah, no, for sure, for sure.
Kyle:There's no way he got over 2 billion streams and got 40 Gs.
Carlos:That seems like nothing.
Kyle:Look it up, buddy. Snoop won't do a fucking, he'll do like 16 bars. Did you see that video of him?
Ryan:He's doing he's charging $250 for the verse Boom.
Carlos:If Snoop is only making $45K, then everyday artists make virtually nothing from Spotify. Thank you, Thank you so we should move over to Apple. No Spotify Thank you, thank you. So we should move over to Apple? No.
Kyle:Kyle, you, kyle, you move it. Well see, I don't understand that anymore either. It's like oh, I sold this, like record sales Aren't a thing anymore.
Carlos:No, no, because no one, because how do they do that yeah?
Kyle:How do they have to do that on spot all the?
Carlos:time they have to buy their air time. How does that fucking?
Erick:work on streaming Like.
Carlos:Beyonce that country song she came out with.
Ryan:Oh, I'm not listening.
Erick:This is Texas.
Carlos:We don't hold them. You don't like that, Ryan.
Kyle:No, the amount of fucking gay dudes dancing that on Instagram and TikTok is crazy.
Carlos:I haven't seen those videos, so we don't hold. But, I think I heard that Jay-Z bought all of the country stations. Have you?
Ryan:seen the fucking house that he's bought in California. That $60 million house or $50 million house.
Carlos:I'm sure it's nice, but not worth it.
Ryan:No, not even fucking close.
Kyle:Not even fucking close, you're telling me no, I'm pretty sure, not even fuck close. Not even fuck close. You're telling me no, I'm pretty sure, it's probably worth it.
Ryan:You're telling me you're not taking it out. Yeah, look at this shit, look at that. How much was it, eric?
Kyle:Most expensive purchase $190 million. Yeah, they're worth like a couple billion together, man.
Ryan:We got Jay-Z Jay-Z's the first billionaire rapper. Yeah.
Kyle:I think Beyonce alone is worth a billion too.
Carlos:Oh, for sure that's a nice house.
Ryan:That's a compound.
Carlos:It's just too big.
Ryan:No, it is not.
Carlos:You need a staff to run that place, no shit.
Ryan:That's like a small community. They all have a staff.
Carlos:Why do you need a staff? Why are you wasting money on a staff?
Kyle:Are you worth a billion fucking dollars, Carlos? Pretty close, I don't hate on these dogs Two weeks who are worth a couple billion spending tons of fucking money like that.
Carlos:I mean if they got it, why not?
Kyle:Bezos, Bill Gates, anybody worth that amount of money, fucking do it.
Carlos:If it was another state, it would probably be a lot less.
Kyle:You don't think Ryan had a billion dollars? He's not going to buy a fucking huge house and have staff working for him. He's there.
Ryan:He'll just buy clothes and glasses. I'm in there, ryan's there. I'm in there. Ryan's there, I'm in there. It's a billion dollars.
Kyle:I don't like people talking shit about like oh, I wouldn't fucking. They're spending too much money on that. I wouldn't do that See.
Ryan:I would go buy it. I would never have a billion.
Carlos:Listen.
Ryan:Would you feel comfortable spending 200 million on a house If you had a billion, 200 mil, yeah.
Kyle:Yes, because to be worth that amount of money you have constant revenue. You're not losing that money anytime soon.
Carlos:I would buy land I would buy a 6'6" decent-sized house on like 100, 200 acres, shut the fuck up man no.
Ryan:A six-bedroom, six-bath.
Kyle:Yeah, what's Rick? Do you know? Rick Ross has like the second biggest house in America, in Atlanta, in Georgia, in Atlanta, in Georgia, in Atlanta.
Ryan:Yeah, just out of Atlanta.
Kyle:He has like a big ass Farm and shit he has like 135 rooms or 132 rooms, something ignorant like that.
Carlos:Would you rather have land or live in that?
Kyle:Why the fuck Do you want land?
Ryan:See.
Kyle:I always.
Carlos:To have no one around you, listen, listen. I always say I want land.
Ryan:Look at this dude's crib all right, come on.
Carlos:Is that not excessive? Or what he has?
Ryan:a big ass r in the fucking middle of his driveway bro, his driveway is like two and a half miles to get up yeah, look at the aerial he has like the biggest pool in america too, like residential pool they were trying to pay him from like europe to train horses in his pool yeah, and now he's like he only has that's the only house he has.
Carlos:I feel like oh.
Kyle:I did see that he does have like a fucking tricked out lawnmower for his yard.
Ryan:Yeah, he does car shows and all that shit.
Carlos:Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, on his land.
Ryan:On his property and all that.
Carlos:To make money.
Ryan:Bro, if you weren't it's like fucking Elon Musk, Like I'd rather a dog like.
Carlos:that's not a good example, though he's like the third richest man in the world. Second Where's he?
Ryan:at.
Kyle:He doesn't even own a house. No, he sleeps in his office. Why the fuck would you bro? He rents, but look at all the fucking shit he's doing. He's just doing random weird-ass shit. And it's like bro, you're going to fucking have that much money and not do shit with it.
Carlos:Fuck that. That's probably like an $800,000 lawnmower.
Kyle:Fuck that, bro, I hate fucking.
Carlos:See, yeah, you can say who's the richest man in the world, but you know the Saudis are the people that are really running this bullshit $233 billion net worth for Musk. That's a net worth $133 billion net worth for Musk, that's a net worth.
Kyle:That's just in America, I feel like and Zuck.
Ryan:Zuck is still up there, man. Warren Buffett is the fucking goat Bill Gates Warren.
Carlos:Buffett needs to die already. Man, he will. What?
Kyle:about the Rothschilds. You know, fucking Anderson Cooper is a fucking, he's a.
Carlos:Rothschild Like a family descendant of him. I thought he was a.
Kyle:Is it Rothschild? It's one of the Like the the three. It was the monopolies they had it was the Rothschild, the Rockefellers. Now, what was the other one? The Rockefellers. That was a big one, the Rockefellers.
Carlos:I want to say Blackstone, but that's a company.
Kyle:No, that's not right. Porous yeah. What are the poorest countries in the world?
Carlos:Because we're pretty up there. It's like those deserted islands that people live on In the middle of the ocean, but you know, in the Philippines there's like fucking hundreds of tiny islands.
Ryan:Oh, I'm sure. Hundreds and hundreds of tiny islands, oh, I'm sure, hundreds and hundreds of tiny islands there's whole communities out there.
Carlos:You can buy an island for like 200K. It's like the Samoan culture.
Kyle:Bro, I fucking used to wish I was Samoan, so bad.
Ryan:I love the Samoan culture. I wanted to be Samoan. So bad dude. I love that shit, Moana.
Kyle:That's one of my favorites.
Ryan:Y'all met my boy. That's one of my favorites. Y'all met my boy. He was Samoan.
Carlos:He's not fucking Samoan bro, when did we meet?
Kyle:your boy. He worked with us. That was a dog.
Carlos:He was Samoan.
Kyle:He keeps claiming he's Samoan, he's a white dog he was.
Ryan:He's Samoan. If you see his brother, his brother is ten times bigger than Kyle. He's a big boy. He, he's a big boy. He was not Samoan in my eyes. Fuck, no, not.
Kyle:Samoan bro.
Ryan:I promise you, I promise you.
Kyle:He's a little white dog like you. He's not white dude, A white little yippy fucking chihuahua.
Carlos:I didn't know what he was, but I did not think he was Samoan.
Kyle:He's Samoan.
Carlos:Doesn't take me for one.
Kyle:No, no, man, I wanted to be like, fucking, like.
Carlos:The Rock Rock ass, or like that dude that sings Over the Rainbow.
Kyle:Nah.
Carlos:Don't talk about fucking Israel bro. Yeah, his name was Israel. Israel and then a fucking what about?
Kyle:Ian Tonge. If you want to fucking cry, watch Ian Tonge's fucking American Idol audition Phenomenal American Idol fucking champ, I cry every single fucking time I watch it.
Carlos:Are you talking about when he sang about his dad, the Monsters? He sang about Monster, monster. Yeah, dude, that's a good song. It makes me cry every fucking time. He sings it better than James.
Kyle:Blunt does James Blunt. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I like his version way more.
Ryan:I was actually watching a couple. He's a big dog, he's a big boy, he's getting diabetes. What'd you say? You said When's the last time you seen a big dog?
Kyle:Old dude, big dog? Yeah, there's not many Old big dogs left man. No, no, you die early. I get frightened Sometimes. My right toe sometimes goes, my right big toe goes numb For a little while sometimes.
Ryan:I thought I was having a heart attack On like Wednesday. I had some crazy shit going on, do you?
Carlos:guys ever wake up and like, while you're stretching your leg, just fucking twitches the fuck out, I don't stretch, I don't stretch.
Ryan:No, when you wake up, when you're like, yeah, it's like your left leg is just like fucking twitching.
Kyle:No, I was. I forgot about Jelly Roll's big fat ass Jelly Roll.
Carlos:Somebody saved me, do you think his?
Ryan:wife's hot Bunny I love.
Carlos:Bunny.
Ryan:But no, I love Jelly Roll too. But bro, when he came out on that, when he talked about how much he was winning bro, he was kind of he's like 550.
Carlos:He's a big boy.
Kyle:He was like pushing six bills. His wife is fucking bad.
Carlos:He's a fucking goon dude.
Ryan:She's bad. I mean she's a little fake for me, but god damn she's also a yeah, she was like an escort, like a high-end escort. She's a retired drug addict, escort, prostitute, whore slut.
Carlos:But she's hot. Fuck, they're compatible. He's a fat. They're in a different part of their life now, Ryan.
Kyle:Oh, she's making money off him when he dies.
Carlos:Cause apparently he made money off of her. He blew up bro.
Ryan:Listen. Apparently she started the podcast thing, the podcast trend, cause she's had a podcast for like five years now, one of the first ones on YouTube.
Kyle:I was watching a video about it Really, you can suck my fucking fat cock.
Ryan:I'm not saying, it's facts.
Kyle:It's obviously not facts.
Ryan:Apparently her little shit. She's got going on, she's popping.
Kyle:Rogan is like the original three podcasts. At first it wasn't a podcast, it was like a weird podcast.
Erick:It didn't even have a name, what about?
Ryan:Eric, I'm going to bring you in what is the one we were watching the other night? Which one? The? What's her name? Trisha, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, trisha Paytas, trisha Paytas, and who's the guy she's always on there with?
Kyle:Ethan Klein. Ethan Klein H3.
Ryan:He's 3'8". He fucking sucks. I will beat the. They all fucking suck. I will beat the shit out of his ass. Well, you see the numbers they make, bro. Three days, 1.5, 1.7 mil and three days People.
Carlos:They suck.
Ryan:And they suck. You think they suck it's like horrific to watch you like them, it's cringy, or like.
Erick:It's not that bad.
Kyle:I swear to fucking God I'll quit this fucking podcast. I'll stop showing up.
Ryan:Hold on, hold on, hold on. That's the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard. Do you agree?
Carlos:with Eric or do you agree with me? I agree, do you?
Ryan:agree with me. I agree with you. Thank you, thank you you fucking suck Horrible.
Carlos:Horrible. I don't know who that is.
Kyle:It's all because I know Trisha Paytas had the fucking they had a podcast together.
Ryan:She was dating fucking, whatever his name was.
Kyle:Doberks crew.
Ryan:Doberks crew. The old guy, whatever his name was.
Kyle:It's like but look at this, you talk, you're talking about him, but God damn, it's like a fucking hate watch. I've watched like one or two she talks about glorifying herself as a whore.
Ryan:Have you?
Kyle:seen her OnlyFans. Disgusting, she is fucking disgusting, disgusting.
Carlos:We've seen her pussy, I think we've both looked at her pussy before you showed it to me.
Kyle:Together Disgusting. It's fucking gross. She's got the oh my scars At least you guys can agree on something. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. You like H3H3.
Ryan:It's not that bad. No no, no, eric's getting influenced, damn Eric's getting influenced.
Erick:It's not bad.
Kyle:For real yeah. Explain to me how it's good.
Erick:It's just better than this podcast, because their production value is higher.
Kyle:Yeah fuckers.
Carlos:That's it, I guess.
Erick:No, they're just entertaining Sure. Not at all.
Kyle:They're entertaining for like 12-year-olds.
Carlos:That's the fucking way.
Ryan:You know what fucking entertains 12-year-olds now Skibbity toilet.
Kyle:Hold on, listen what the fuck is that.
Ryan:Do you want to hear something? If I could suck dick, show my feet off, promote myself as a whore, but how the fuck am I going to do that as a man? I have a dick and I have balls.
Erick:Yeah, you can still do that. You guys are jacking off to these people all the time.
Kyle:Trisha Paytas, I'm not fucking whacking off to, I'll never whack off to Trisha Paytas.
Erick:I know, ryan. No, yes, you have to.
Ryan:You told me, shut the fuck up. Always throwing the pot, buddy.
Carlos:Like once or no. No, oh my.
Ryan:God, I once or no. No, oh, my God, she's fucking.
Carlos:I don't even know who that is dude.
Kyle:Look up the show. Fucking Carlos Trisha Paytas, all right. Carlos Carlos, she's like the dumbest white valley girl fake bullshit, so I'll give you a little snippet of one of their videos.
Ryan:It's Trisha Payt in this little fucking. Oh no, dude, she looks like Hold on. What's the movie? What's the? Movie no way, dude, shark Tales. Shark Tales, not Shark Tales.
Carlos:Like the fucking Chicken there. Her face Alone is just like Shark Tales, fucking cringy.
Ryan:Listen. This bitch Thought gravity Was invented.
Carlos:No, I can't do that.
Ryan:Okay.
Carlos:Thank you, I can't do that.
Erick:Damn.
Ryan:Eric Damn Eric, sorry, dude.
Erick:What it is. I let the fans decide. She is brutal.
Carlos:And she has a show. She was one of the first.
Kyle:No, that's not the one who was saying that. Oh, and she's with that guy. Yeah, Jason Nash, yeah that song with the Nickelodeon shit she was.
Ryan:Drake and Josh yeah yeah, he was on a little snippet Of Drake and Josh In the restaurant.
Carlos:And how he's getting royalty still, and they're not.
Kyle:Was he in that documentary?
Carlos:Yeah, no he was in a documentary, but I remember seeing videos like With him and Josh. Come on man. Oh my god no way.
Kyle:Is that Ariana Grande?
Ryan:Yeah, you ain't seen those. You see the viral pictures of her when she was like skinny, like crackhead skinny. They were comparing her to ice spice, oh my god I dislike both of them equally.
Carlos:I just did not like the first picture I saw of her face like so stupid looking it's like, bro, we are.
Kyle:This is a fully on and I'm I'm a culprit, but we are glorified. We are a whore culture. We are glorifying whores and making them. It started with fucking kim k getting dicked down by Ray J.
Ryan:It did. It all started with that and apparently now the cool thing is is to suck dick, and you're a whore.
Erick:You are a whore. I think, you guys just think too much into that though. No bro, it's a fucking whore culture no like the things you guys watch, though that's not what I surround myself with. Yeah, like my instagram feed does not look like what it looks like you guys. No, it doesn't. Mine looks like mine because of kyle, but you guys like still like entertain that, though the whole like porn shit and like the whores like you guys are talking about.
Kyle:You guys are creating that and, in essence, you guys are like putting your two sentences every single day I said I'm not, I'm not a, I'm fucking, I am a culprit, but these kids are gonna, these bitches are gonna have kids one day.
Carlos:It sounds like you have standards. I'll never.
Kyle:I'll never put myself In that. I guess I'm not a fucking chick. But like Bro, it's a whore culture. We're just glorifying whore.
Ryan:And I'm I'm doing it. It is, it is I love.
Kyle:Seeing these bitches shake ass. Apparently. Kendrick said Drake pops ass with all the girls. He said he's gay as hell. In his diss he said Drake pop ass.
Carlos:I mean, his music is pretty much like that. So but yeah, dude it's just but this shit, though. Come on man. That third picture just pisses me off.
Kyle:What is that? What is like? Shut the fuck up, dude. It's like the amount of fake and it's all fake, bro. Like what is that? Her face did not look like that.
Carlos:She has a wig on.
Ryan:I could drive a golf ball 400 yards off her forehead.
Carlos:Just on the tee.
Ryan:Nah, fuck the tee Off her forehead, straight on the ground.
Carlos:Yeah, no, thanks man.
Ryan:HH3. I can't believe it, eric. I can't believe it buddy H3H3.
Kyle:They are fucking huge. They get fucking a lot of views. The Hummer, you guys remember the fucking Hummers?
Ryan:I fucking love Hummers.
Kyle:Everybody had a fucking bright yellow Hummer back in the day.
Ryan:Bumblebee.
Kyle:Bumblebee. Bumblebee was not a fucking Hummer Bro, I was at McDonald's.
Carlos:the other day I was sitting in there eating.
Kyle:You were sitting inside of a McDonald's eating yeah.
Ryan:I was. That's what we did today, holy fuck.
Kyle:That's literally what we did today, it was like on a Tuesday. Who the fuck sits inside of a fast food restaurant?
Carlos:nowadays, trying to take a minute for myself, trying to take a minute for myself.
Kyle:That's the fucking craziest shit.
Carlos:That's not even the craziest shit that was going on.
Ryan:I didn't even want to go to the drive-thru, so I sat inside a McDonald's today, you remember?
Carlos:when we sat inside the McDonald's and ate that one time.
Kyle:Yeah, it was nice, even if you have to go inside to get your order. You get it to go and you leave no dude, you just type your fucking menu. Be respectful and eat it in your fucking car if you have to. Do not sit inside a fast food restaurant. You know what's fucked up.
Ryan:A McDonald's has loitering signs now inside. Nope, no more than 30 minutes Loitering. You can't sit inside a McDonald's for more than 30 minutes now.
Carlos:Everybody that is a regular in a McDonald's sits in there all day For like three or four hours, five, six hours, that's bullshit.
Ryan:We used to hang out with those kids, yeah that was back then.
Kyle:Now it's weird if you're sitting in a fucking fast food, you're going to Wendy's and you're going inside and sitting down to have your meal.
Ryan:I think Kyle is so pressed about this because that's what he does in Daytona. We're going to randomly go to Wendy's in Daytona and I'm going to see Kyle's truck and I'm going to see him sitting inside.
Carlos:Not everyone orders Uber Eats every single fucking day.
Kyle:Bro, if you go through the drive-thru and, like I said, if you have to go inside, eat it in your fucking car.
Carlos:No, dude, I ate it inside McDonald's. Don't be a goddamn weirdo. I wanted to catch up.
Kyle:Go back. What were you saying?
Carlos:What happened? Saying what happened, this dude had one leg, he was like on a fucking, he was on his crutches.
Ryan:It was uh, it was like nah, I'm not gonna say, did he have a gift, do you have a gift leg, or just no, he had no leg, it was like he had his jeans on no leg.
Carlos:Another leg did he. Had it folded, the jean folded. He was sitting in there and for a while and I was, you know, eating my lunch. I go out, go back to the car and this dude comes up behind me. He's hopping to his. This motherfucker was in a Hummer. Oh damn.
Kyle:Get the fuck out of here.
Carlos:He hops in a Hummer with one leg. I'm like how the fuck is he going to get home?
Kyle:Was it his right leg or his left leg? I don't know.
Ryan:I'm curious Did he have his pants tucked up or he just cut them off?
Carlos:No, it Just cut him off. No, it seemed like he had two legs, but he did not. Oh, he kept the leg dangling. Yeah, because it probably got cut off at some point.
Kyle:He might have been fucking born with it. It's possible, but that would suck getting born with that.
Carlos:He had a new Hummer with a temp plate, that's fine.
Kyle:That's fine. Yeah, I mean good on those dudes, but goddamn, that would suck.
Carlos:What would you rather lose a leg or an arm? A leg or no? No, no, an arm, you'd lose an arm, no, yeah, I would lose an arm.
Carlos:I'm losing a leg, I'm taking a leg, I'm taking a leg all day Fuck that, fuck that I would lose an arm over a leg because I would be able to like at least walk without any crutch, but if I had an arm, I at least had one arm. You got five fingers Fucking, yeah, but you need you use Like that dude on. Instagram like that has fucking two arms, like two nib arms, with one finger on each one. What'd you?
Ryan:call it Nib, arms You're talking about the guy that eats all the food? Yeah, and he smacks it.
Kyle:Oh yeah, I love it. I do like that dude.
Carlos:He's like a streamer he just goes fucking ham with his one little finger, perfectly manicured Are you taking an eye or ear? Ear, ear, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Kyle:I follow. I don't follow her, but she always pops up. She has no arms and she like goes about her day to day. I think I sent you guys a video of her. She got big tits. She was in the shower showing how she washes her hair.
Ryan:You did send that. How the fuck do you wash your hair with no?
Kyle:arms, but she has no, she like cooks food and shit with just her feet.
Carlos:It's crazy. She had like a fucking, like scrubbing thing.
Kyle:Yeah, she had like a mat on the wall and she would like didn't wash her hair. Well the shit.
Carlos:Kyle sends us.
Kyle:Your timeline's fucked up, See my algorithm isn't even like hot chicks anymore. It's like people with like 10 followers who make fucking weird ass videos.
Ryan:It's awesome. The last fucked up video you sent us. I did tell you I loved it, but it was fucked up. Which one? I honestly probably didn't even know the last fucked up video you sent us. I did tell you I loved it, but it was fucked up which one?
Carlos:I honestly probably didn't even know, the McDonald's one.
Kyle:I don't even remember.
Ryan:What happened? The fat bitch. The bigger girl.
Carlos:The bigger girl. I don't know what you're talking about. You know who I'm talking about.
Kyle:Hold on. Is she eating McDonald's?
Carlos:Yes, I don't know. Yes, pull it up, hold on.
Ryan:A fat girl eating McDonald's no way, dude, You've been seeing the ones I've been seeing too.
Kyle:Because I've seen you guys, that tranny belly, dancing with a beard.
Carlos:Yeah, I'm not watching that.
Kyle:It's awesome.
Ryan:Yeah, this guy right here.
Kyle:It's awesome. Yeah, that's the dude with the fucking-.
Ryan:Yeah, that's the dude with the fucking little stub arm Jesus. Christ Kyle I didn't even fucking see that one. Yeah, that's the one he was talking about.
Kyle:Yeah, that's the one with no arms who fucking cooks food with her feet. Oh my, she's fucking nuts. Oh yeah, dude, apparently that chick's in Orlando, that algorithm is fucking awesome.
Carlos:It's fucking awful. It's like the most cringy shit you've ever seen. Yeah, that's the most cringy shit you've ever seen. Yeah, why do I want to just like scroll through a feed of that? I don't know, it's pretty fun.
Ryan:It's a good time. It's a good time. I get enjoyment out of these.
Kyle:Thank you, ryan, at least somebody's on my side.
Carlos:See you guys act like you're so far apart, but you are the same people, the brothers man. They miss each other.
Ryan:Are you?
Carlos:a happy meal from McDonald's.
Ryan:Are you a happy meal from McDonald's? Show the camera.
Carlos:No, because Ryan's phone. You can't even see shit on it.
Kyle:Yeah, that's a fat bitch.
Carlos:You sent her like four times already, Kyle.
Erick:Ryan, we're gonna get a copyright. Turn that shit down.
Carlos:You can't play on blue. She at least seems happy, unlike you.
Kyle:Oh, that big, yeah, that big bitch has always like gone nuts. All right, fellas. I think we've reached the end of this Jesus Christ. We're talking about fucking Instagram reels now. Yeah Well, that's a podcast. That's a pod Ryan pull out the paper.
Carlos:Pull out the paper, Ryan. This is what we have. I'll read it this time.
Kyle:This is what we have created. Yeah, this is our podcast.
Carlos:Well, to remind you guys, we're still here. Email us at newestlows at gmailcom, so I haven't gotten any questions.
Ryan:So Say it with some conviction. No Well, I't mumble.
Kyle:Why are you mumbling into the fucking mic?
Carlos:Both of you guys need to shut the fuck up.
Kyle:Act like this is an ad read man. You got to be like.
Carlos:You want me to act like it's an ad? Read Go, go ahead, dude, give me your best ad read sales voice that you can give.
Kyle:Hey guys, Follow us on Newest.
Carlos:Lowe's. Hey guys.
Kyle:Newest Lowe's at Gmail. Send us an email if you want to.
Carlos:Oh my God, Put a little emotion behind it bud.
Kyle:Ask us some questions, or don't your voice changed completely.
Carlos:Ryan, pick that up Free, will Fuck it. Ryan, send us out.
Ryan:Hey, kyle, fuck you, Ryan, send us out. Hey Kyle, fuck you. Get out of the dump, buddy, get your head out of the dirt.
Kyle:I didn't stay at your house. What do you mean?
Ryan:Your house is a dump, say get your head out of the dump, read the paper.
Kyle:Your house was a dump after I was there because I threw up everywhere. Yeah, you puked all over my fucking bean bag asshole. Fuck you, fuck you Fuck you Smelled like throw up in my crib. Good.
Ryan:Well, smells like your upper lip all the time, buddy.
Kyle:Yeah, I'm sure. How do you know what my upper lip smells, like you guys?
Carlos:I will say your mustache probably catches everything that you throw up. It does, it does.
Ryan:Chicken, food, beer, everything. Fuck him All right, well, yeah. Hit us on the fucking email. Kyle suck a fucking fat dick. Buddy Suck a fucking fat dick. Just throwing that out there. Email us some questions. We got the answers. You need any fucking advice? I'm here, the boys don't want to hear my advice, so I'm here, I'm a therapist Zero dollars an hour, I'll give you life advice.
Erick:For free.
Ryan:For free. I'll be drunk, so don't worry.
Carlos:I'll be a little fucked up, but you'll have the free life advice.
Ryan:I got the free life advice. I can Read the goddamn paper please.
Kyle:I'm trying to fucking get out of here Start from the top.
Carlos:again I I'm trying to fucking get out of here.
Kyle:Start from the top again, I gotta take a piss, dude. Hurry up, restart that.
Ryan:You're rushing me now, you illiterate fuck.
Kyle:I felt like I read just fine.
Ryan:You like fucking Hitler.
Kyle:See how fast you are Read that Quick, quick, quick, quick quick Just doesn't read anything. All right, we're out of here Fucking read it.
Ryan:God damn it. We're fucking out of here.
Kyle:Follow us at newestlows. Spotify, instagram, youtube, q&a, gmail, everything. If you want to do it, you'll figure it out.
Ryan:If you want to send if you want to do a comment or an email, make it only about one of us sucks, and I know it's not me Bitch.
Carlos:Increase my pie chart there E.
Ryan:Increase. Carlos' hairline, we're leaving.
Kyle:We're gone. That's a podcast, goodbye.