Newest Lows

Episode 5: Really low lows

• Newest Lows • Episode 5

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We're spilling our guts on more serious matters, like the seductive dangers of gambling and the stark realities of incarceration. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and topics that'll leave you both enlightened and thoroughly entertained.  

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Ryan:

Yeah, we were drinking some Bacardi too.

Kyle:

Yeah, shit, beer in a shot Are we live, we're live God damn it.

Ryan:

Oh, God damn it. Here we are again, boys Back again.

Kyle:

This time we actually haven't seen each other at all for the whole week.

Ryan:

Yeah, you guys have been gone. Yeah, where have you been?

Kyle:

We've been out of town Fucking, working.

kyle:

Yeah, working my fucking life away. As simple as that.

Kyle:

Yeah yeah, yeah, but usually we see, yeah, we talk every fucking day.

Ryan:

Yeah, I missed you guys.

Kyle:

Alright.

kyle:

I don't know if you actually did or not yeah, just cause you were fucking.

Ryan:

Bored. You guys are kind of feisty right now. You're just bored as fuck Every time, me and Carlos Would talk to him this week.

kyle:

You know what I tell him. I said it's hot down here. He said Trust me, I get it. I know I'm like, I'm sure, I'm sure Sitting in the fucking AC.

Kyle:

Yeah, I was fucking, alabama was fucking, it was like 68, it was nice. Oh yeah, it was fucking, it was great.

kyle:

Naples was not nice.

Kyle:

And then immediately come back. It's hot as fuck down here.

Ryan:

Yeah, it is pretty hot. Naples is like that dry air yeah it fucking blows, yeah, yeah. But Alabama is like, it's like, I feel like it's always cloudy and overcasty.

Kyle:

Yeah, yeah, it was tight Shit. Yeah, I don't know Fucking. I was trying to you know what I was thinking the other day when I was thinking the other day when you take a shit, do you put your pants around your knees?

Ryan:

No, or do you?

Kyle:

drop them down to your ankles.

Ryan:

I do drop them to my ankles but I'm aware of the floor.

Kyle:

That's a good point. You know what I'm saying Because in every movie or show they always drop them to their knees to cover up. I drop to my ankles every time, every single time.

Ryan:

Okay cool, it's just uncomfortable if it's on your knees. Yeah, not today.

kyle:

I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. Today I had to keep it on the knees because it was a dirty bathroom.

Ryan:

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying, like the floor is sometimes disgusting. That's true. I remember like being in the field and like, just like you can feel the fucking, like scum that's on your pants.

kyle:

You know what I'm talking about. Scum is the good word.

Ryan:

Yeah, it's scum dude.

Kyle:

That's why I don't shit in public.

Ryan:

Yeah, you're not a shitter like in public, like you don't even shit, like at the shop. No, how do you hold it in?

Kyle:

I don't trained my body over years and years of practice and hard work and determination.

kyle:

Shit you're better than me, bud. I had to run into the woods like three times this week and shit.

Kyle:

You love shitting in the middle of the day. Just admit that. You love shitting in the woods I don't, you do.

kyle:

But you have to make decisions.

Carlos:

How do you?

Ryan:

wipe.

kyle:

It was fucking three brand new rags in the truck and I just took them fucking things out of the woods, did brand new rags in the truck and I just took them fucking things out of the woods.

Ryan:

Did you reuse them or you just used three different ones?

Kyle:

Three different ones.

kyle:

You just left them in the fucking. I hit them a little bit, tried my best.

Kyle:

No, you've done it before. You've shit in bushes when you didn't have to. It's life, or death.

Ryan:

You prefer to sit shit in the bushes at that point.

Kyle:

No. Not at all you have before.

kyle:

I have many times, but you've done it.

Kyle:

When there's like somewhere to go, take a shit like five minutes down the road.

Ryan:

I've shit in the woods and it's pretty uncomfortable. It's not fun.

Kyle:

I've never, once in my fucking life.

Ryan:

Really.

Kyle:

Shat outside no.

kyle:

It's pretty exhilarilarating. It's not exhilarating. I almost got caught.

Ryan:

You almost got caught Shitting in the woods. Fuck yeah, just this week. Yeah, like three days ago, yeah, I mean the woods Are pretty exposed To the buildings Down there.

kyle:

Yeah, so I had to duck in some bushes.

Ryan:

I heard somebody.

kyle:

I heard somebody talking so I had to fucking duck down. It was probably one of the landscapers.

Kyle:

I hope not Some of Carlos' cousins down there.

Ryan:

Probably got a couple that are actually working on, one of them, cruz, probably.

kyle:

For everybody out there that likes Kyle he's fucking down in the dump right now. We got to get his spirits back up, dude we got to get his spirits. You can hear it in his voice yeah, your energy is off.

Kyle:

My energy is fine.

kyle:

Your pH balance levels are off.

Kyle:

dude it's very acidic right now. Or is it? What is it? What the levels? It's either acidic or basic, like vibes. No, the fucking pH level is shit. Oh, I don't know. It's acidic and what let's see? Nobody fucking knows.

Ryan:

So you're saying that you're oh?

Kyle:

no, oh no, the fucking, the back of your. What the fuck? Oh no, what the shit.

Ryan:

Green screen down. God damn it. I look like fucking the Virgin Mary right now Shit.

Kyle:

What the hell man? This is a high-quality production.

kyle:

I think we might need some double-sided tape, the fucking tape failed. We need some double-sided tape. Should we put it back up, or?

Kyle:

should we just remove it? What kind of tape did you use?

Ryan:

for that. That looks like electrical tape.

Carlos:

It looks like electrical tape. I'm going to move it real quick. It's not electric, nice. It looks like electrical tape. I'm going to move it real quick.

Kyle:

It's not electrical tape.

kyle:

Nice white wall behind there. There we go. Black electrical tape everywhere.

Kyle:

It's a sign Maybe we didn't need that and God was showing us.

Carlos:

Well, you on a spiritual kick.

Kyle:

Now. I'm always on a spiritual kick.

kyle:

Quick, yeah, quick, or kick, kick.

Kyle:

Quick, quick or kick, kick, quick. You know fucking. Why are there so many fat ladies working at like thick Latina ladies working landscaping now?

kyle:

Are you talking about fat or thick? Because there's a difference, buddy, both.

Kyle:

My real I don't know why I had to bring their weight into it. My real thing was like there's so many ladies working landscaping now Like, did you like the way they looked? No, I'm just saying it's not usually what you see.

Ryan:

Well, they got to work hard, man. They need money.

Kyle:

They don't speak English so next thing, I see they just use their hands. They could use their hands doing a couple things. They're doing honest work man. Yeah, I mean fuck it.

Ryan:

Good for them. But you like, are you mad that they're like? I don't think they do as good of a job? You don't think so I feel like women would do a better job than men. They got a green thumb yeah yeah they're like more detail oriented instead of like just fucking taking a nap every couple hours those dudes love their siesta.

Kyle:

Yeah, bro, I remember I can fall asleep. We were down there one time working.

Ryan:

I think I was with you, Ryan, where we were cleaning the sidewalks and there was dudes sleeping off to the side.

kyle:

Yeah, we woke them up.

Ryan:

They were fucking pissed. They had their boots off, their socks off. I'm like yo. I'm like we got to clean these sidewalks.

Kyle:

Yeah, and they all bring like a fucking 10-course meal for lunch.

Ryan:

Yep, it was fucking insane. Those are the wives back in those fucking lunches, shit.

Kyle:

They got it right, though they got it right, hell yeah, they're living the life man, just for a lot less money.

Ryan:

Oh man, keep them happy. They probably all live together too.

Kyle:

Close the fucking border, dude.

Ryan:

Oh shit. Why do you got to tell them Fuck yeah fuck this dude.

Kyle:

This dude's Mexican too. You talking about, Eric?

Ryan:

No, Eric's. Yeah, you pointed right at Eric, but Eric's fucking friend who commented on what?

Kyle:

What did he comment on? Spotify Was that.

kyle:

Spotify. Ryan, why don't you read that? I'm not reading that, all right, so I'm going to fucking laugh right into this shit, wait before we get into it.

Ryan:

You guys can text us. You can text the show. Yeah, you can um message us on spotify.

Kyle:

Yeah, this is a spotify message, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, people can do this. Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck, so he posted this three days ago it says he's at.

Ryan:

Idk what's more annoying kyle not being completely honest about his sexual orientation, true? Or ryan's fucking laugh right on the mic? In all seriousness, keep it up, boys well, we appreciate.

Kyle:

That is Isaac, I think Carlos. What the fuck you didn't say anything about Carlos? No, you didn't. That kind of pisses me off.

Carlos:

But Ryan.

Kyle:

I 100% agree that you shouldn't laugh directly into the fucking mic.

kyle:

Well, guess what? Kyle, fuck you buddy.

Carlos:

Yeah.

Ryan:

And Kyle, he's calling out your orientation, so that's kind of fucked.

kyle:

That's why he's mad.

Ryan:

Because he said what did he say?

Kyle:

You need to be honest about your sexual orientation. I'm honest man, he doesn't know what it is. I'm still confused myself.

Ryan:

Well, we have reached a couple of different countries. You know, mostly in the US. Still, our Germany crew we're five deep over there. Uh, uk getting introduced. We're at one percent. We got two listeners there austria one listener shout out to you, and then ireland one more damn.

Kyle:

We got austria and germany, now hell yeah, dude, we're taking over.

Ryan:

You would think that that this podcast would be the complete opposite of what they would be listening to yeah, yeah no. You think there's any Hispanics over there? Fuck no.

kyle:

I don't think so.

Kyle:

I don't think so either.

Ryan:

no, Like any kind of different color skin.

Kyle:

I'm even surprised there's like black people in the UK. Yeah, that's kind of weird, isn't it? But then there's white people who are African, the South.

Carlos:

Africans, south Africans South.

Kyle:

African, that's just African, but it's not the same though. No, no, it is, they're African.

Ryan:

They're just from the South, yeah.

kyle:

They're still from Africa, carlos. That's backwards, because if you're from, the South.

Ryan:

You should be darker, but they're lighter.

Kyle:

But you're darker than me and Ryan because you're from the South, Exactly.

Ryan:

So it's vice versa, buddy. That's what I'm saying. Words over there yeah, illegal.

Kyle:

I thought it was illegal to fucking listen to podcasts and like germany and shit, aren't they under uh? Well putin is russia. Who the fuck is germany? Hitler, it was not anymore not anymore. They're doing good stuff now I think we're friends with germany now are we I think so. I think we're allies, damn.

kyle:

That's dogs.

Kyle:

Now 198 downloads in three weeks. Is it three Last 30 days? We've done this Last 30 days. We're about to break 200. And then after that I want fucking 1,000. We have 400. Oh, we have 400 in total All around.

Ryan:

Nice, all the platforms, right? Oh yeah, have 400 in total All around Nice, all the platforms right?

Kyle:

Oh yeah, yeah, we're on YouTube too. Oh yeah, there's video.

Ryan:

Now we do have a video on YouTube now.

Kyle:

Video is going to be we're going to try to get a video every week with the audio.

Ryan:

Yeah, you can see fucking Kyle's face and how upset he is.

Kyle:

Yeah.

Ryan:

Just a resting bitch face 24-. You, you. You were asleep before this, weren't you? I was, did you just like roll out of bed and leave?

Kyle:

yeah, you woke me up, yeah, texting me to be here I'm like kyle, what are you doing? I just woke up yeah, I was fucking tired man. I went and took a nap 40 minutes away he took like a five hour nap.

Ryan:

I feel like no, didn't.

Kyle:

It's like the fucking bullshit when you know you want to take a nap or need to take a nap.

Ryan:

Yeah.

Kyle:

And you can't fall asleep until like 30 minutes before you need to get up.

Ryan:

That's the worst.

Kyle:

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty true, it happens every fucking time, yeah, where you just like won't go to bed until you like, your mind is just running.

Ryan:

Yeah, just situations and scenarios.

Kyle:

Yeah.

Ryan:

Were you shirtless when you were sleeping? I was, so you just threw a jacket on.

Kyle:

I did. Yeah, I can tell, dude, I see your fit, I did. I have no shirt underneath it. Nice, nice. I heard you had some fun at the casino this week Ryan.

kyle:

You went to the casino again, fuck off. No, I was there until fucking 2 am last night. Were you as successful as the last time? Not even close, not even close. I'm back down again.

Ryan:

Back down again.

kyle:

I'm down another 450.

Ryan:

You got Holy fuck 450.

kyle:

Yeah, I went in there with 100, and I pulled 100 out three separate times, that's how you and I was buying beers all night.

Kyle:

Yeah, you were probably down more than $4.50 then Were the beers there as expensive as Hard Rock Six bucks yeah about Six.

Ryan:

I feel like that's pretty normal.

kyle:

Well, no, it was fucked because I was down right. I was down in my last like had 20 bucks, I said fuck it, I'm gonna go to a slot machine, right?

Ryan:

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

kyle:

I dropped a $100 bill Out of my pocket, went to go look for it. Two minutes later, when I went to the other one, it was gone.

Ryan:

If I saw 100 bucks On the ground, I snagged it immediately. Oh yeah, you're snagging that.

kyle:

Yeah, so you know, after that Fuck, it Started dumping and that probably like five times, four or five times, and you came out with nothing.

Kyle:

You lost it all. I lost it all. God bless Lost it all. You can't stop. That's my problem. Why can't you stop? And slots are so. What else did they have there?

kyle:

Nothing Like a smaller casino, just slots, nothing. They had to fuck through that table. That was bullshit. I lost $200 there in 20 minutes.

Ryan:

That's the kind of casino that like screws you over yeah it was fucked. Yeah, it was fucked. Don't say what casino it was it was fucked.

kyle:

It was so fucked.

Carlos:

Well, yeah, no quick 450 last night Lost.

Kyle:

Lost. It does seem like it's a smaller casino. It is, it's 100% a smaller casino. It seems like those they would fucking. They have a way to.

Ryan:

Yeah, like I was telling you, they watch everything. If you even do slightly good, they're like yeah.

kyle:

Nope, yeah, it was fucked because once you get into the casino there's no service, so we got there like 7.45 or 7.50.

Ryan:

Fun fact did you know? There's no clocks in the casino, or windows, or windows, so you don't lose track of time.

kyle:

When I looked at my phone I was like, oh fuck, I was trying to be back to the crib at like fucking 11.

Ryan:

You're past, so you just decided to go ham even more. I went ham even more. I don't know if I could spend that much time at a casino. I was there for about five hours. I could, but I'm not dropping the amount of money you fucking do. Either way, you're dropping money because either you're spending it on slots or gambling, or you're spending it on drinks.

kyle:

Fuck the casino, fuck the casino, fuck the casino you just have to maybe just go sober.

Kyle:

Just don't get any drinks, though. Then you'll have a little bit of extra money.

kyle:

I only had probably like five beers, but I did slam like five before I left A little pregame. So ten beers in, ten beers in yeah, in like five hours. It's not bad for you.

Kyle:

That's how they get you, man Two drinks Dudes like you keep the fucking lights running at a casino.

Ryan:

Well, isn't that what you said last time? Like they want.

Kyle:

Ryans at the casino they want the Ryans of the world. Because you, how much did you say you lost?

Ryan:

$450. Yeah, times that by like six.

kyle:

No, it was like $450.

Kyle:

I'm talking shit. I lost like 100 bucks on sports gambling this week. That's why you're in a bad mood. No, because I just won it all back.

Ryan:

Damn, you won it all back. I'm not.

Kyle:

Just today, last night and today. Yeah, on what games. I won fucking 180 bucks last night. On what Prize picks you can do prize picks again in Florida. Oh really, they brought it back in Florida. Oh really, I didn't even realize, hard Rock was illegal up in Alabama so I thought PrizePix, prizepix was legal. But then when I got back down here they gave me fucking free money, promo money, and you could do it again here. But you can only pick four people.

Carlos:

They can't do the six-man bets.

kyle:

It doesn't go up to six anymore. No.

Ryan:

That's where the payout's good. Fucking 180 bucks. Was it basketball On four? Yeah?

Kyle:

Playoffs, playoff basketball. How is Magic doing right now? Oh yeah, did the Magic win?

kyle:

or lose today, oh God, because if they lost they're out right. Yeah, they lost, yeah they lost they're out. This is game six.

Ryan:

Just put Magic game Magic Johnson. Oh it's tied. How much time?

kyle:

It has to be the fourth quarter. It has nine and a half minutes left.

Kyle:

No, five and a half minutes. Five.

kyle:

Dude, this is coming down to the wire.

Kyle:

They've only scored 30 points in the second half so far. The Magic.

kyle:

Yes, they had 54 at the half.

Kyle:

Yeah, they had like 54 at half.

Ryan:

That's pretty good, because the Cavs only had like 28. Shit Dude. Last game they lost by a fucking point.

Kyle:

Yeah, I don't watch basketball at all during the season, until the playoffs.

Ryan:

You're invested though.

kyle:

Well now, because I'm fucking betting money on the shit. It's the same thing with NFL playoffs. I don't really watch like that until the playoffs.

Kyle:

I didn't, but we've been to Magic games. Dude, the fucking boom of sports betting that has been going on is nuts.

kyle:

It's nuts.

Kyle:

It's like sending people into bankruptcy.

Ryan:

It's very easy to go into bankruptcy. I bet on like two games this past year and I believe it was playoff games in the college football and I lost all of them.

Carlos:

You did.

Ryan:

Yeah, Remember, I was like it's the only time I'm doing it and I'm going all in.

Kyle:

Lost. I'm like fuck, I swear to God, my fucking monthly budget for that shit like you going nuts Was like 300.

Ryan:

You had a budget for your gambling?

Kyle:

No, I didn't. Which is the problem you?

Carlos:

should have one, 10 bucks a day.

Kyle:

At my fucking max I was probably fucking blowing like 30, 40 bucks a day on it.

Ryan:

Yeah, but you'd bet small and like do multiple bets right, Right until I lost it all.

Kyle:

Then I'd have to bring more in. Fuck it's. Fucked up, dude, it is. It's addicting as shit.

kyle:

Same thing as fucking casinos.

Kyle:

I know what the fuck are they doing to us Do you hear those gambling commercials on the radio.

Ryan:

It's like you can now bet in Florida. It's like a nice jingle.

Kyle:

Yeah, it's not a fun happy thing.

kyle:

It's a quick way to lose a lot of money.

Kyle:

It's a quick way to ruin your life, ruin your family's lives, file for bankruptcy. Oh my God, be homeless. Yeah, it's like a lot of other stuff.

kyle:

You know what's? Fucked up too At the casino last night. Every single ATM you go to there was a national gambling hotline.

Ryan:

Yeah yeah, yeah, you know, you can ban yourself from gambling. Like. You can call in and be like I'm addicted, I need to be pretty much blacklisted, blacklisted from the fucking property. They will blacklist you Like you're not going to be able to do anything. Who the fuck would do that? Gamblers addicted, see.

kyle:

But you do it, then you wanna go.

Ryan:

And then you'd be like.

Kyle:

What the fuck did I do that for? Oh yeah, then they're fucking scrambling, so you try to go in there.

Ryan:

Then you get a new identity, get a new license, like you try to go around that. I don't know if you can Take yourself off, but you can definitely Put yourself on. Yeah, maybe for like six months or something.

kyle:

They might have like they.

Ryan:

They were like we'll let you sit there, yeah.

Kyle:

Fucking goddamn Indians.

kyle:

Dude some.

Ryan:

Want all of our money Took their land Bro this one dude last night.

Kyle:

They deserve it, I guess.

kyle:

Bro. He cashed out like fucking 15 racks last night and I was, so I had intrusive thoughts.

Ryan:

I'm not gonna lie to you 15 racks. Like he won 15 racks, imagine how much he lost.

Kyle:

He probably started with 15 racks.

kyle:

I was gonna punch him. I was just gonna, you were gonna rob him Fuck yeah, were you gonna steal his ticket? No, he was at the fucking Little cash counter, so you were just gonna Follow him to his car.

Ryan:

Was he big?

kyle:

Fuck, no, you could've taken him. I could've taken him. I could've taken him.

Ryan:

But you were like I should not.

kyle:

I don't wanna go to jail In whatever county that is in Florida. Collier no, it's 50 minutes north of Collier County. No, it's still Collier.

Ryan:

I thought it was Lee no.

Kyle:

Didn't you just say you didn't want this?

Ryan:

Oh shit.

Kyle:

This casino named.

Carlos:

You guys didn't name it, but you're getting pretty close. You'll have to do some digging.

Ryan:

Shout out. Shout out, there, from where Carlos is from. Shout out, yeah, you don't want to go to jail there, bud You're white, I'll be the pod boss.

kyle:

You think so, the pod boss?

Kyle:

What is that 60 Days In?

Carlos:

bullshit 60 Days In pod boss.

Ryan:

They'll think you're a fucking bug in there.

Kyle:

Bro, what was that school teacher who went in there and was smacking dudes around?

kyle:

He had been to jail before and he like, ended up running that shit.

Kyle:

Oh, he's talking with a Hispanic dude. Yeah, with the glass. He was smacking you like he would like smack dudes for real.

kyle:

He was the. He called the enforcer yeah, he was like for the Chicanos yeah, and he was like they should have never put me back in here.

Kyle:

He was like this is what it brings out of me. He's just like smacking dudes.

Ryan:

I'm glad I'm in here.

kyle:

I Was disappointed that show, though they never show anything like really crazy, like that.

Ryan:

I mean some of the fights are alright, but I'd like to see some fucking. Do you think they know they're on a show, so they just kind of like the?

Kyle:

ones who, no, not the actual inmates, the ones they put in there. Oh, and the fucking pussy ass ones will like go in, they'll like take him out and like pretend like it's questioning. So nobody, none of the real inmates, like know what's going on. And they'll be in the interview being like you got to get me out of here. Shit's fucking crazy.

Ryan:

Oh yeah.

kyle:

Yeah, they have signals, signals and shit.

Kyle:

Yeah, no Fuck too much pussies, bro. You think you'd survive. Well, Ryan already has survived. You think you would, Carlos Me?

Ryan:

I feel like I would just adapt.

kyle:

I mean yeah but it's like I think they only get paid I think it was like $500 or $600 a show or episode, whatever the fuck it was. How many episodes do you think? Like, fuck it, I'll do it. 10? 10 or 12, something like that. So we're making like 10, 6 to 10 grand, something like that. You go to jail 500 bucks a day. No episode Episode, so a week, I guess yeah fuck it.

Ryan:

You getting paid to be in jail? Why the fuck would you want?

Kyle:

to go to jail? Yeah, but you don't act, you're not actually going to jail.

Ryan:

Yeah, you're just getting paid to do it.

Kyle:

You're actually going to jail though, Right, but it's not on your record like that that, yeah, like you're not like you're not in jail like that like to be in jail you do it for real? Yeah, you wouldn't fuck. Now, really, I'm a boy, you're?

kyle:

yeah, I'm a big dog I'm a big dog too, I might be a little I'm little, but I'm big dog. No, I don't think you are you might get bullied around that would never happen. You can beat me up as many times as you want to.

Ryan:

I'm not getting bullied or distorted no, not getting bullied, you'll keep assuming the position.

kyle:

I will get jumped every single day. I'm in that bitch.

Ryan:

I'm fine On hands and knees.

Kyle:

just he said I'm not getting bullied, says somebody who's been bullied a lot throughout their life. You've been bullied, no.

kyle:

You used to get bullied in high school. You told me for that long, kyle.

Ryan:

That's all you remember from it.

kyle:

Oh, that's true. I was not getting bullied in high school. I got bullied a little bit in middle school. Why do you have to say that I was fucking?

Ryan:

90 pounds in middle school.

kyle:

Yeah, you're like 110 now At least I'm not 5'4", 185, buddy, All muscle baby.

Kyle:

Yeah, you are a fucking brown gumdrop looking ass motherfucker. What do they call him? Brown gumdrop looking ass motherfucker what do they call them?

Ryan:

A torta.

Kyle:

The fuck is a torta. Look it up, Eric. Pull that up. What's?

Carlos:

a torta. Oh geez, oh magic, hold up, dude, magic wing, fuck off.

kyle:

Nobody cares man, don't change it.

Kyle:

The fuck is a torta?

Ryan:

I don't know what the fuck a torta is. It's a tortilla To an extent.

Kyle:

A tort. Oh, a burger who's?

Ryan:

that you are a fat little burger. You know what I mean.

Kyle:

Eric.

Ryan:

A torta sandwich. It's just sandwiches, Damn.

Kyle:

Eric got that restricted on. Yeah, you're a sandwich, dude, let's leave it at that. You're a fucking sandwich.

Ryan:

Do you like them thick?

Kyle:

I like them thick, mm-hmm I don't dude, let's leave it at that Fucking sandwich, do you?

Carlos:

like them thick.

Kyle:

I like them thick. Mm-hmm, I don't actually. Oh, it's a cake. Now, Are you a burger or are you a cake? You fat?

kyle:

bitch, I'm both yeah fuck it this is the Magic.

Ryan:

Game. Let's go, yeah, oh, I'm glad you guys are back. I missed you, is that so yeah?

Kyle:

Bro. Oh my God, You're going to piss me off. Why You're going to fucking piss me off?

Ryan:

Yeah, you're right. Why's that, Kyle? It's not that hard.

Kyle:

I hate when people say bullshit like that.

Ryan:

It's not bullshit. I really care. Oh, I fucking missed you guys.

Kyle:

Straighten up bro.

Carlos:

Tighten up, tighten up.

Kyle:

I don't miss anybody ever.

Ryan:

No.

Kyle:

Not until, like my mom, dies. Then I'll miss her pretty bad.

Ryan:

So you're saying, if you didn't see your mom For like a couple months, you wouldn't like, nah, you wouldn't miss her at all. This is no. I will no hit me up.

kyle:

This is the first time Kyle's been On his own, branched out. On his own for a week, right, and he comes back in the dumps. Dude, you can't be on your own buddy.

Kyle:

You're like I miss you. You're saying I need somebody there with me.

kyle:

I'm so sorry. You need somebody there with you, buddy.

Kyle:

That is kind of true.

kyle:

I don't thrive very well, on your own. It is very hard to thrive on your own.

Kyle:

I have a confession to make to you?

kyle:

What is the confession? What is the confession buddy?

Kyle:

I failed oh no you did not.

Carlos:

Oh no, I knew it, you failed at what you already know.

kyle:

We don't have to 45 days.

Carlos:

I failed. You lied to me I asked you earlier.

Kyle:

I was saving it for the pod.

kyle:

You lied to me. I asked you earlier. I was saving it for the pod. The intrusive thoughts kicked in dude.

Kyle:

They got the best of you, buddy Bro, for any of the new fans, I was on SR semen retention. I was trying not to blow my shit, blow my load, my semen, my coom, and I was going for 90 days what? But 45 days I was thinking about it. I was like not that bad dude.

kyle:

That's an achievement, kyle. You were literally halfway there, right out the gate 45 days.

Ryan:

Dude, what are you doing?

Kyle:

But then, I said now I'm just going to go another 45 days. I slipped up once Did you feel sorry for yourself. No, I swear to God, I thought I was going to fucking blow a hole through the wall. It fucking came out like that. That much PSI. It had a lot.

kyle:

You, really you painted the walls.

Kyle:

I was in the shower. Jesus and I'm not a shower beater like that. I don't beat in the shower, but you did, but like no, no video, no picture, nothing.

Ryan:

How long did it take?

Kyle:

Full eyes, closed 30 seconds. Well, I was fucking trying to be an edgelord and I got too close.

Carlos:

I got way too close. You crossed the line.

Kyle:

I would like go go. I'd be like nope, I can't Stop. I'd be like it felt good.

Carlos:

I'd go again.

Kyle:

Like stop Like five times doing that. I fucking, I was like fuck it.

Ryan:

I'm going all the way, that's some discipline, though, five times.

kyle:

No, no, no, no, no, no, five times of gooning like that.

Kyle:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, god damn.

Ryan:

Come on, man, that's not healthy At that point, I feel like you're getting a headache?

Carlos:

No, my balls hurt a lot afterwards.

Ryan:

That's aching.

Kyle:

Congratulations, bro, but I swear to God, it was like half a cup. Oh, it was 45 day load. What, what are you?

Ryan:

always you being vulgar, nothing to scoff at. I'm just telling you about my fucking scientific achievements. How do you feel now? Is that why you're so down in the dumps?

Kyle:

Because Maybe I feel like I left. I let all my fucking my entire personality was in that load. See, we should put it back. I gotta get that back. Do you still have the cup? I'll be In 45 days. I'll be back to normal. I feel, like I failed myself. I feel like I failed you guys.

Ryan:

You know what, man, I think I failed you. You guys were really. I don't give a fuck.

Kyle:

Kyle. That's your own type of I felt like you guys were really rooting for me to get there and I didn't even think about it at all Every day that you were talking about it.

kyle:

I didn't believe it.

Kyle:

I know you thought I was lying. I did 45 days. I made it. That is impressive, but I swear to God, it fucking blew me back into the fucking shower door.

Ryan:

It was fucking crazy Dude that caulking on your shower now is just fucking ruined.

Kyle:

No, this was in the B&B.

kyle:

This is in Alabama oh.

Kyle:

Airbnb, shit forget it, so somebody else's house got that.

Ryan:

It's with that wet and forget. Yeah, did you at least like wipe it off the walls?

Kyle:

Well, the fucking shower head didn't move very much and the water pressure was bad, so I was cupping it in the water in my hand and throwing it against the wall.

Ryan:

You just splashed it on the wall.

Kyle:

I was like hopefully that cleaned it up. I couldn't really see it was all wet in there, oh man, I'm about to get a message on fucking Monday.

kyle:

It's a little salty in the shower. Yeah, what is on the?

Kyle:

wall. It's fucking sticky, I don't know it, I don't know it had a weird tint to it too. I'll stop.

Ryan:

How did it taste?

Kyle:

I didn't taste it, man. I've never tasted my own cum before. Why would you? I don't know. I feel like that's something you would fucking do.

kyle:

Here we go, divert. I wonder what this?

Kyle:

would fucking taste like you would do that.

kyle:

No no.

Ryan:

You think it tastes like it smells? It doesn't have a smell to it.

Kyle:

It does look bleachy, bleachy.

kyle:

Yeah, you never smelled it before.

Kyle:

No, what are you doing?

Ryan:

Are you that fucked, bleachy Carlos, you know what it smells like. I was going to say something, but I don't want to be mean To who I was going to say you haven't smelt it on the surface, you just throw it down the drain. Why though you haven't smelt it. I guess you have too, but I don't know. There's a smell to it for sure you guys are fucked.

Kyle:

No, it has a smell. Everybody would agree to that. I think so, every single person. The Magic are up 101 to 96 right now.

Ryan:

Orlando Magic. Oh, that's game, baby. 15 seconds left Going to game seven.

kyle:

Carlos says it's 17, not 15,. You fucking idiot.

Ryan:

Yeah, it's still at 17,.

Kyle:

So I'm sure the game's over now.

kyle:

But yeah, damn Kyle, I am kind of disappointed in you.

Kyle:

Yeah, I know I'm disappointed in myself, but then I Like I said, 45 days Seems like a pretty big feat For my first time.

kyle:

What got you the night before? Was it Reddit, instagram, twitter?

Kyle:

No, I mean, it was getting me. Every day I was watching that stuff and I held strong and then I was just by myself. So I'm telling you, kyle can't be on his own Out of town. And I fucking looked up One too many videos and then said Fuck it. And then said fuck it, went in, it got the videos, got the tracks greased, it got me there and then I hopped in the shower and fucking went to work.

Ryan:

You planned it out, you clocked in.

Kyle:

I did the Lord's work.

Carlos:

Shit.

Kyle:

See, but I don't think it's that healthy for you Because it really hurt actually Immediately after I might have fucking prostate cancer or something.

Ryan:

It's a tiny hole with a lot of fluid coming out at once.

kyle:

That's true, but yeah, it hurt my asshole, hurt a little bit the way you and Carlos are looking at each other is kind of I don't know what's going on here.

Ryan:

We just know. Yeah, you don't even know how it smells. Why the Okay Okay?

kyle:

You guys are fucked. You guys are fucked. You think so? Yeah Us you tell me. I'm fucked on a daily basis. You've had a boyfriend before.

Kyle:

Oh okay, here we go, fucking slander.

kyle:

I'm going to say it again.

Kyle:

Slander, I've had a boyfriend. He was Kyle. Yeah, who would you rather fuck, kendrick or Drake? They're beefing right now. Whose side are you on? Whose boyfriend are you being?

kyle:

I don't like Drake. I'm gonna pick Kendrick, but I'm not fucking.

Kyle:

Kendrick, you know what they're saying. Drake has fake abs.

kyle:

I believe it.

Kyle:

He's like a chubby dude With abs, I think money can buy you Fucking anything Honestly. It, it's like spray painted on yeah, but I think they're implants. I think that's what they were saying. Who's dissing? It was fucking Chris Brown.

kyle:

Well, Chris Brown and Quavo going through. Yeah, Quavo's going.

Ryan:

I think that everyone's just seeking attention at this point and then, Rick Ross.

kyle:

Yeah, Rick Ross and Drake, he was in there. Well, they're all falling off. They're not rapping anymore, they're just nah.

Kyle:

Kendrick Like music-wise. Isn't this fucking beef? Who are you riding with Drake? Who are you kidding? You're riding with Drake.

kyle:

Oh, my God.

Ryan:

Kendrick just looks like a fucking child that eats boiled fucking eggs.

kyle:

You look like a fucking child you look like a child that's raising a child, Carlos you are just a big fat baby.

Ryan:

Yeah, I'm fine with it because I actually have responsibilities. I'm like you fucking do. I have responsibilities. All you think about is jacking off. Yeah, drake's such a fuck.

Kyle:

I'm thinking about money. He's got, drake's got some fucking hits. That's undeniable.

Ryan:

I just don't like Kendrick. He just looks why?

Kyle:

Just because? You don't like a person because of how they look.

Carlos:

His ears are kind of fucked.

kyle:

I didn't realize his ears were fucked like that what are you racist?

Kyle:

Yeah, you don't like people just based on how they look, no, their personality too You've met Kendrick before Once or twice.

Ryan:

K-dot Once or twice he has bad teeth, bad personality.

Carlos:

He also has a lot more money.

Kyle:

He was beefing with J Cole A lot more money than we do.

Carlos:

Yeah, he'd fucking body J Cole too.

Ryan:

I forgot how gay you were for fucking.

Kyle:

J Cole yeah, you fucking suck his dick. And then J Cole fucking pussied out on stage.

Ryan:

He was like oh, I'm sorry.

Kyle:

I'm so wholesome now I can't be beefing with all these dogs.

Ryan:

I'm happy to see him make money he understands.

Kyle:

No, he's just fucking copping out because he don't want a piece of the dot.

Ryan:

No, he's copping out because he doesn't want to fucking hurt his feelings.

Kyle:

That's why oh is that why A hundred percent? Oh, lyrically wise.

Ryan:

Yeah, is that why?

Kyle:

Lyrically wise, makes fucking. He's somewhere in between, jake or Drake and Jake Kendrick, but he still makes poppy shit. Gentrick, he's on that fucking song with Lil Durk. Oh my, it's poppy bullshit yeah, it's good music.

kyle:

You saw how much he paid him, or how much Lil Durk paid J Cole for that it's like 300k, it's like 930 god, he's humble dude.

Ryan:

Yeah, he's humble, he'll fucking take whatever, he doesn't care, he just wants to be a positive reinforcement to this world.

kyle:

It was like almost a million dollars for like a minute and a half.

Ryan:

first, yeah, like two minute first, whatever it was. Some people are greedy, some people are not.

Kyle:

Yeah, and then goes up on stage as a fucking pussy. I'll say it right now If I see fucking J Cole, it's on his ass.

Ryan:

Fuck that dude up. You're getting on your knees immediately.

Kyle:

Oh, fuck that dude up. Why For Kendrick maybe?

Ryan:

The King Kendrick.

kyle:

So, much hostility, king Kunta.

Ryan:

K'd up baby.

Kyle:

King Kunta will get on my knees. Bro, I can play a song right now.

Ryan:

You would not want to finish a song. You don't like Kendrick, like that.

kyle:

Not as much as.

Kyle:

I, I am what I eat we back in fucking middle school.

Ryan:

Yeah, with the uniforms and all.

kyle:

I never had to wear a uniform in middle school, Carlos. No, I was never at.

Ryan:

We had to wear uniforms in our middle school.

Kyle:

Was it a private school?

Ryan:

No, it was charters. It's an academy for the arts. You barely went to school. I don't want to fucking hear what you say. Academy for the arts? Yeah, Veterans Park Academy for the arts. You barely went to school. I don't want to fucking hear what you say. Academy for the arts? Yeah, Veterans Park Academy for the.

Kyle:

Arts. The fuck did you do? Shout out.

Ryan:

BPA Pride.

Kyle:

What did that?

kyle:

help with Me wear khakis all the time it helped with his receding hairline, because everybody in there has a receding hairline now.

Ryan:

Why Some of us have an education Some of us don't. Why Some of us have an education, some of us don't. That's true.

kyle:

But guess what, buddy? We're still all doing the same thing.

Kyle:

Not me. Yeah, Carlos is out now.

Ryan:

Nah.

Kyle:

I mean, I'm going to kill myself.

Ryan:

Yeah, you've been saying that for the past three days. I don't know if you can fucking say that.

Kyle:

I don't know if you can say that on YouTube, Just bleep it out, Eric. I told my parents that one time and they were really actually worried.

Ryan:

Yeah, because they actually care about you. Doesn't your dad listen to this? Yeah, and my mom?

Kyle:

My mom texted me the other day and was like I like your podcast.

Ryan:

Thanks, Mom, I remember when you and your stepdad touched nuts, I was like thanks, mom. Wow, at least they're supportive. They are, they're very supportive. Shout out Kyle's fam again. Yeah, wow, at least they're supportive. They are, they're very supportive.

Kyle:

Shout out Kyle's fam again. Yeah, it's like yeah, I don't know what I we were getting drunk and I jokingly said I was going to kill myself. And then, like weeks after, my mom was texting me and being like don't kill yourself.

Ryan:

The thing is like when you jokingly say it, you're saying it for real too. You got to say unalive.

Kyle:

I'm gonna fucking assassinate myself.

Ryan:

I'm gonna commit murder on myself. I'm just gonna drink myself to death.

Kyle:

Or attempt to. No, I never would. I talked to my sister about this, even if I thought about killing myself, which I do sometimes, not really, though you can't say that anymore.

Ryan:

Sometimes, but not really, though Come on, man, you can't say that anymore.

Kyle:

Sometimes, but not really though. Come on, man. I don't know if you can say that on the YouTubes, eh, but what the fuck was I saying? Sometimes I say it.

kyle:

I forgot what I was trying to say, and you mean it, sometimes you were talking to your sister about it.

Kyle:

Oh yeah, and we'd be like, yeah, I fucking definitely couldn't kill myself because my mom would be too sad. I can't make my mom that sad. That's the only reason.

Ryan:

Yeah.

kyle:

That's my only reason. That's my only reason.

Kyle:

Your mom would be so fucking sad.

Ryan:

Imagine everyone that will be sad.

Carlos:

Who.

Ryan:

Who else?

Kyle:

Everyone in this room will be sad. My stepdad You'd fucking laugh, I know you would Said he would finally eat himself to death.

Ryan:

Okay, if you're laying in that coffin and your fucking belly button was poking out.

kyle:

I'm going to laugh.

Carlos:

That would be funny, I should do that.

Ryan:

Just a small shirt, put it in my will. Well, I told you I want to do a naked.

kyle:

If I die, open naked casket.

Kyle:

Oh yeah, you did say you want to be naked it will work if he writes it that way.

kyle:

What did I tell you? You said you wanted the mountain burial.

Carlos:

That's your last dying wish right Sky burial.

kyle:

Sky burial. My last dying wish, if I die, is you put me in that fucking casket, butt-ass naked.

Ryan:

I'm not going. You have to go. No, I don't. Flipped upside down.

Kyle:

I'd go up there and be like why would you do that?

kyle:

Or just fucking jack off, there's no blood going to that. Dude, it was fucked up because when my grandma died, she had like an open casket or open casket whatever it was, it was fucking weird.

Kyle:

Yeah, I don't understand. I've never been to a funeral before. Really what I've been to a couple, but I've been to a couple, but I've been to one open casket one. I've only been to two weddings and zero funerals.

kyle:

No, because, dude, the thing I don't like about the open casket is like they're like— Weird as fuck, dude Bro. They like like doll you up in makeup and shit and make it seem like you're still alive yeah, but they're cold, it's the weirdest shit. You know you can see the blue in their fucked up.

Ryan:

Yeah, I've been to an open casket and like touched their hand and it's just like. No, no, no, no, I wasn't touching them, you're just like act like you're dead, act like you're dead, just like your eyes will be closed.

kyle:

Eyes open, butt, ass naked, well, have you seen that shit where they can like embalm you like a like when you want your dog or cat, what they call taxidermy and they'll put you in like a fucking position yeah, there's pictures online, like one of those fucking things, like one of those things in the mall like fishing, like I swear, like they'll fucking put chains on them and act like weekend at bernie's type shit and they'll look fully alive shit, but it'll be like their funeral and everybody's partying no, then you send me that south america that one chick was trying to get a bank loan With like a dead guy.

Kyle:

Oh yeah, there was a dead. She was just using a dead guy. Yeah, she was like.

kyle:

He had his arm like that and she was like Fucking putting his hand up and fucking putting it on there and shit they just they prop them up Like they're fully still there.

Ryan:

Oh.

Kyle:

Look.

Carlos:

Just like oh.

Ryan:

Oh shit, Yo Call it a date.

Kyle:

It's fucking awesome dude, they put him in like settings, oh shit.

Ryan:

With a bush light. Yo, that's a bush light. Hell yeah, with the ashtray right next to him. One gun salute, buddy. Look at that shit.

kyle:

It's so funny.

Ryan:

Hell yeah.

kyle:

If I ever die. That's what I want and I want, propped up in a nice outfit, a bush light and the views, a bush light and the views, and give me, like ten strippers, taxidermied naked though. Well, if anything, give me like the, so everybody can see your tiny little penis Give me like the stripper outfit with the bow tie or the what's it called, the tie that goes around your neck.

Kyle:

A bow tie, a bow tie A bow tie.

kyle:

You want a bow tie or a regular tie? A bow tie, butt naked, butt naked.

Kyle:

I can see it You're really confident that nobody's going to show up and laugh at your tiny, shriveled penis.

kyle:

I don't care, I'm dead already. Oh yeah, you'll be dead, I guess. Yeah, he wouldn't care.

Kyle:

You should do something funny like that when you die with your body. Be like fuck it, do whatever.

kyle:

Shit, put me in a cross like Jesus.

Kyle:

Yeah, fucking bend me over a table.

kyle:

Yo you, you gotta get your mind Out of the dump buddy.

Kyle:

Just get one of those Fake latex asses and like kind of Position me in a way when people can walk up and fuck the fake ass, but it looks like it's mine.

Ryan:

Is that what you want? I'm just saying it would be funny. It would be pretty comedic. Don't kill yourself, kyle.

Kyle:

All in all, no, I'd like to say I'm going to, but I've never. I know for a fact I wouldn't have the fucking balls.

kyle:

If you do it, I have to do it.

Kyle:

Why? Because?

Carlos:

you can't one-up me.

Kyle:

I know this dude's always on my fucking ass, on my jock.

kyle:

I'm on your jock.

Kyle:

You're always hanging on to my jock, bro, can we take a break? Do you have to piss, carlos?

Ryan:

Pee break? There's no fucking pee breaks with you, little fucking six-year-old little bladder. I'll do it right here, but. I'm on camera.

Kyle:

I would like to see you piss yourself.

Ryan:

Let's go.

kyle:

Don't do it, don't? There's carpet underneath you, buddy, yeah this is Eric's house.

Ryan:

I'm not doing it on Eric's carpet, I'll do it on your face, all right, all right, yeah, let's take a break real quick.

Kyle:

Goodbye, we'll be right back.

Ryan:

This year they're actually fucking winning. Yeah, anthony Edwards is fucking nasty. I know, because you know what the—.

kyle:

I didn't even hear about him until the playoffs and he's been for a couple years. But no the picture I seen was it because Rudy Gobert is on that team. He's a big man.

Ryan:

Yeah, they have two big men, they have Cat and they have Rudy. Yeah, they have Cat.

kyle:

Yeah, the shit I saw was like I'm cheering for. Rudy Gobert on the team. It was like he wasn't doing shit the last couple years.

Ryan:

I saw an interview with Jason Williams. Do you know?

Carlos:

who that is?

Ryan:

Yeah, White he was like I was coaching an all-star game in Georgia and just put whoever out there and Anthony Edwards was sitting on the bench and then the person who was running the all-star game was like why do you have him on the bench? He goes, I don't know. He's like he's the number one player in the fucking state. He goes, oh shit.

kyle:

so he kept him in the whole rest of the game 22 years old, making what Probably like 30, 40 million of you Easy.

Kyle:

Yeah, it's fucking. It's insane, you always think those dudes Are like older than you.

Ryan:

No.

Kyle:

Yeah, and now, like we're older Than a lot of them, oh, we're older than everyone.

Ryan:

I have two years On that motherfucker. If they're not an elite, then they're not our age.

kyle:

Bro, dude, dude, jackson Holiday, what he's 19, yeah 19.

Ryan:

He made it to the league. They just how old is Jason Tatum, Eric? I think he's like 26. How about I say he's fucking?

Kyle:

young. He's probably 27, 28. He's been in the league for forever, yeah, same.

kyle:

Thing. What about LaMelo?

Ryan:

LaMelo too. Yeah, but he bounced around a couple places. No, lamelo Ball.

Carlos:

Yeah, yeah.

kyle:

No, he got drafted by the Warriors 26 years old.

Ryan:

He's 98. He's like a year. He's younger than you.

kyle:

He's two years younger than me and it's so weird how they look like grown-ass men, oh yeah, look up LaMelo Ball LA, and then when you see yourself, you're like I'm still a kid.

Ryan:

I do not feel as old as I am.

Kyle:

Fuck no, they look like grown-ass men. Bro. His new tattoos are fucking whack. Oh yeah, yeah.

kyle:

I wouldn't have fan of him either. I would not have fan of him, Jesus.

Kyle:

How old is he? Yeah?

kyle:

he's 22. He's 22.

Ryan:

22. Born in 01. The only ball brother that's still in the league.

Kyle:

He's an ugly-looking fucker, isn't he?

kyle:

Well, Loki, I like Lonzo more than I like LaMelo. Oh yeah, Lonzo was nasty.

Ryan:

Lonzo just has a fucked up knee right now. He hasn't played in like two years.

kyle:

No, like two or three years, yeah, it's fucked up.

Kyle:

What happened to Zion's big fat ass?

kyle:

He's still with the. Pelicans right, he's still with the Pelicans. He's still with the Pelicans.

Kyle:

He didn't play for like two years either he gets hurt and then he gets way too fat and then he also had that bullshit going on with the fucking baby mama drama.

Ryan:

And his like sex tape With the stripper, or something like that With the stripper and all that.

kyle:

Yeah, he was doing what I was doing. He was paying for puss Shit. That's a bad idea. That was fuck, yeah, but that ugly motherfucker right there.

Kyle:

Kyle with the fucking.

Ryan:

He looks like the donkey off of Shrek Donkey. He looks like Donkey I'm making waffles.

Kyle:

The Donkey, donkey.

Ryan:

But he's also making like 20. His tattoo's ugly as fuck, though.

kyle:

Go to the next picture, eric, but he's also making 20.

Ryan:

Yeah, you compare yourself to, to people who are pretty successful already With money. Yeah, that tattoo just doesn't make sense though, is that how you dare.

Kyle:

Yeah, it says, it looks like a.

Ryan:

They're from.

Carlos:

California Does it say?

Ryan:

dare or dade. It says rare, oh, rare one, rare one, what's that? One of one?

Carlos:

That is horrible.

Ryan:

Then it says yeah, one of one, yep, it's an alien with a.

kyle:

There's just too much stuff going on dude Like just.

Kyle:

It's like fucking.

kyle:

Darth Maul.

Kyle:

Yeah, what the fuck is that?

kyle:

He probably paid a good like three or four Way more than that oh easy.

Ryan:

It took like four or five tattoo artists to complete that. Yeah, I saw the video.

Kyle:

They were like five tattoo artists all with their own fucking drawings Bullshit, they fucking suck. Dude. Ryan, if you had money.

Ryan:

Would you get that?

Kyle:

You immediately know Ryan would get some bullshit like that.

kyle:

The rare one. With it, I already have a fuck the Bailey Well, just like a tattoo you would just get covered in ink if you had the money.

Kyle:

The 100,000% he's getting covered in ink and he doesn't have the money.

kyle:

I'm almost there. I almost got a full sleeve going on.

Ryan:

No, you don't. You don't pay for your shit, though.

Kyle:

You are not even close to a full sleeve.

Ryan:

You got to put some clouds in that.

kyle:

Full sleeve. Kyle, I'm not going to my fingers.

Kyle:

I'm my fingers I'm cutting it off my wrist.

kyle:

I'm not hitting my hands with my fingers or nothing like that. Yeah, that's a full. I mean, you're almost there, dude. I didn't expect you to take it to your fucking hands. Weirdo, my boy who does my tattoos wants me to do my fingers like knuckles. Yeah, my brother has that shit done. Don't do that. No, I'm not doing that.

Kyle:

No, that's too yeah, it does make you look scary, but not like on you make you look like a fucking like a what Like?

Ryan:

you're skateboarding White boy crazy, crackhead. Type shit. White boy crazy or crackhead.

kyle:

Both, pick one.

Kyle:

You do have some pretty random tattoos, though, like my brother's, huge, and he's got hand tattoos.

Carlos:

And it fits.

Kyle:

On you. It wouldn't fit. You look like a junkie, I look like a junkie you would with fucking hand tattoos. I'm not doing my hands. Don't do it, dude, don't fucking do your hands, I'm not doing my hands Damn.

Carlos:

I look like a junkie with my tattoos.

kyle:

That's fucked up.

Kyle:

I said if you got your hands done. Do you not understand fucking words?

Ryan:

God damn, you do have the right position of your tattoos, though, in order to start a sleeve, I'm gonna have a sleeve.

kyle:

I gotta stop spending so much fucking money at the casino. It's fucking assholes.

Kyle:

Right, but you're never going to be able to pay for your sleeve unless you win at the casino.

Ryan:

If I were to get tattoos, I would just get them to my bicep. You already have a tattoo of a baseball A baseball and a cross your tattoo. Your two tattoos. My tattoo is a typical 18-year year old tattoo Might be fucking gayer than Ryan's.

kyle:

Where Hold on. Show the camera your tattoo, take your shirt off. No, no, I'll show you. That's my 18 tattoo, right there.

Kyle:

Show the camera, Turn. Yeah, there you go. Weird placement, weird placement.

kyle:

That's the tattoo I got when I was 18. Yeah.

Ryan:

Which one did you get, Carlos? That's the tattoo I got when I was 18.

kyle:

My boy thought he was going to the league. My boy's the next DP.

Ryan:

He's the next DP for the.

kyle:

Red Sox.

Ryan:

The Lord and Ball. That's all that mattered.

kyle:

The Lord and the Ball. The Lord and the Ball, are you bringing your daughter to church?

Kyle:

No, jesus fucking.

kyle:

Christ, I'm not going to fucking church.

Carlos:

I only have two days off. I'm not going to have one there. You should get that fucking removed.

kyle:

No, it's not that bad. You know what's fucked. It's pretty bad. You know what's fucked. I paid like $500 or $600 for these For all of them. Yeah for the four right here, right. That's not bad, though, to get these fuckers removed. It's going to cost me like $15,000. If I really like the lasers surgery shit, whatever it is Were you looking to get them removed?

Ryan:

No.

kyle:

But I looked into it a little bit.

Ryan:

I did, I did.

kyle:

I did, I did. Damn Eric, why you got a fucking Damn we got.

Ryan:

Carlos' inaction pictures on the fucking screen Back when he was fucking skinny.

Kyle:

That tattoo's on my glove hand you don't look like a A little sexy fucking?

kyle:

No, no, no, Not sexy anymore.

Kyle:

Zesty Ooh, a little zesty boy.

Ryan:

Zesty boy, you think I'm spicy, mm-hmm.

kyle:

A little tahini boy.

Ryan:

Shit. I mean I was working out twice a day in that picture.

kyle:

so You're still fucking small, you're just not fat.

Kyle:

It's ripped dude, what the fuck happened to you?

kyle:

What happened to Dan Cocksucking motherfucker? Well, he's sober now.

Kyle:

Oh shit, I pushed a button, good for him.

Ryan:

Yeah, it probably is good. I think I've spoken to Dan one time and he was showing inappropriate parts.

Kyle:

Oh yeah.

Ryan:

We were on FaceTime or something. Yeah, we were playing video games.

Kyle:

He was just full on, showed his dick on FaceTime.

Ryan:

Just on his couch I'm like all right, but this is Kyle's friend.

Kyle:

That is my friend.

kyle:

That's.

Kyle:

Kyle's brother. Dude, that's my dog, Dan. But shout out, Dan. What the fuck was I saying?

Ryan:

Where we are.

Kyle:

I'm losing my fucking train of thought when we at I'm losing my train of thought on this one, you.

Ryan:

You were saying that like, why are we the way we are now?

Kyle:

Oh yeah, it's like I was talking to him about, like, bro, we should be in like the best shape of our lives, like our prime. This is our prime and our prime, yeah, and look at us, man.

Ryan:

We're not in our prime. No, no, not at all.

Kyle:

As of right now, I peaked my junior and senior year of high school Well at least you made it as of right now.

kyle:

At least you made it there. Ryan, when did you peak? Probably sixth to eighth or fifth to eighth grade, ninth grade, I made it to varsity baseball freshman year, but then after that I made varsity freshman year.

Kyle:

Have you thought about how long ago that is now?

kyle:

Because I think about.

Kyle:

I graduated in 2016.

Ryan:

I graduated at least 10 years ago.

kyle:

My freshman year was 10 years ago. I graduated eight years ago. I was supposed to graduate 2018, so that would have been six years ago.

Kyle:

Already eight years and what have I fucking had to show for myself?

Ryan:

Nothing, nothing. You're kind of a good guy.

kyle:

I think your nose got a little bit bigger.

Kyle:

Yeah, there it comes. My nose has always been big man. I got a scar right on the fucking. I can't wear sunglasses.

Ryan:

I can't wear any type of glasses. They don't fucking fit the one pair you found that was pretty good. You lost them, they got took.

Kyle:

I lost. I thought I lost them, but then we found them and then I hit her up, my boy Dan's girlfriend. She might hear this. I hit her up because her mom supposedly had him and then I heard nothing. So either her mom is a fucking took my shit and I swear to God I will get my revenge if that is what happened. Whoa Dan, you might not have a mother-in-law anymore.

kyle:

No, that's not what he means. He's going to plant his seed in her. That's what you mean.

Kyle:

I'm going to give him a brother-in-law.

kyle:

You're going to become Dan's stepdad. Is that how you'll get back?

Ryan:

at them.

Kyle:

No, I just don't know where my glasses are. $270 fucking Ray-Bans Shoot. Those are nice. I Thought I lost them at the beach. Well, that's the thing, though. It's like you buy expensive glasses and then you fucking lose them. So what's?

kyle:

the fucking point. Well, kyle, do you want to tell everybody what happened when you lost your glasses, how long you were up for and what was going on?

Kyle:

No, I don't Not if my mom and stepdad listen to this podcast.

Ryan:

Probably not the place to be talking about that.

Kyle:

Even though I did just talk about me coming a hole into a fucking Airbnb wall.

kyle:

Yeah, but they get that Half gallon of water bottle.

Ryan:

They understand, they get that part of it.

Carlos:

My mom knows I'm fucked.

Kyle:

I don't like to talk substances.

Ryan:

Have you ever owned a nice pair of glasses? Ryan?

Kyle:

Oh, you did. You owned a fucking chick pair of glasses. I gave them to my mom. What were they? Were they Gucci? They were Gucci. And how long did all of us tell you that they were girl glasses and you didn't believe us.

kyle:

I seen a dude in like two years. I seen a big old black dude Daytona Bike Week had the same glasses on.

Kyle:

I said said you know what, thank you, thank you, yeah. But then he responded like but then I what? For it took two years of me saying they are girl glasses, you're like but I spent 300 fucking dollars on no, it wasn't 300, it was like 600. And I was like it doesn't matter how much you spent they're still chick glasses and then what did? We were at landshark and I googled gucci girl glasses, and it was the first picture that popped up and you had them on your face and he said oh fuck, they are girl glasses.

Kyle:

I gave it to my mom, my mom's got them, now I clean them for her and everything.

Ryan:

Damn. Your mom is fucking rocking Gucci glasses now. Those are fucking dusty dude.

Kyle:

They were dusty as hell, but years old.

Ryan:

Yeah, you know that flare that women's glasses have. It was the sparkles.

kyle:

The sparkles.

Kyle:

It was the sparkles in the frames, sparkles in the black paint, yeah, of the frame In the big old, the big frames, if you're going to spend that much money on glasses.

Ryan:

Make sure they're the right fucking gender.

Kyle:

I was so fucking pissed when I lost my Ray Ray-Bans First like nice pair of glasses I ever bought.

Ryan:

I will say, having a nice pair of glasses really changes it.

Kyle:

They're nice, but it's like it's not worth it.

Ryan:

No, because they'll fucking break. They lose value immediately. You lose them.

Kyle:

It's not. I'd rather spend fucking 15 at Racetrack or Walmart.

Ryan:

Yeah, I've had my glasses for like three or four years now you still have those Cosa's, those Cosa's, my same Cosa's. Yeah, I mean you're good at keeping them, but they're all scratched and shit, though I need new lenses.

Kyle:

Yeah, it's like they don't fucking keep, like you literally buy them and then you can't wear them. To keep them nice or not lose them.

Ryan:

It's not easy.

Kyle:

No, it's retarded. It's hard to take care of your stuff. Yeah, you have the most important thing to take care of too my Xbox.

Carlos:

A child.

Ryan:

Oh yeah.

Kyle:

You have one of those. Yeah, she's easy though.

Ryan:

She's the future. You gotta feed her, bathe her. She's the next generation coming up. Buddy, make sure she gets some snacks and plays. Yeah, she just wants to be outside now.

Kyle:

Well, that's good.

Ryan:

Yeah, she just. Like today I went to the store with her today. We're walking around. I thought you had to work today, buddy. I did after work.

kyle:

Nice.

Ryan:

Yeah, whenever I was waiting for Kyle to get here, pretty much Kyle was late. Today, yeah, you were late as hell.

Kyle:

I was 20 minutes fucking behind you. I was 20 minutes behind you 20 minutes too late, I think it was like 30. And you called me. You could have been over here the entire time, me.

Ryan:

Yes, yeah, but I mean I was just hanging out. I got here fucking six hours early that one time, so that makes up for fucking three times being late, yeah, but also you stayed the fucking weekend too.

Kyle:

No, that wasn't the day. I stayed the fucking weekend. It was pretty close, it was like the weekend before I got here like fucking six hours early, no dude.

Ryan:

I had dinner with my wife and my daughter. God bless we went to go shopping for her.

Kyle:

What'd you get her?

Ryan:

Some PJs. We got her a little sand, little castle. Your wife no, my daughter we went and got her PJs because she's fucking growing, that's what fucking babies do asshole, I know.

Kyle:

That's why we had to go to the store. That is always the fucking wildest thing. My mom had like a daycare, like you guys know, in-home daycare with all these babies, and she has fucking five of her own Five. It's like me, my brother, my sister, my brother yeah, five, that's a lot of kids and it's like you get old, like you spend all this money on like newborn shit, newborn size things, like that and then they grow out of it immediately.

Ryan:

Yeah.

Kyle:

They can be born not in newborn size.

Ryan:

Dude, it's crazy to see pictures and videos of her a year ago and now. Oh yeah, she's huge now she's grown and thinks she's grown. Like today I was just walking around Burlington Coat Factory with her and she was just grabbing everything, looking at it and throwing it on the ground. I'm like I am now this parent where? I have to pick up after her and follow her around.

kyle:

At least she's not fucking throwing a fit and crying in public and shit, because that's the worst.

Ryan:

Oh, she did it.

kyle:

She did it today. I'll tell you, the worst is when you get on an airplane and there's like two or three babies on there and they're just whamming. I'm like fuck, I got to sit. It's like four hours just stuck.

Kyle:

Yeah, I grew up with babies like that, though, so I don't have like a Animosity towards babies. No, it's not animosity.

kyle:

I'm just like fuck, Trying to go to sleep.

Kyle:

You say you're good, I was thinking about that the other day too. It's like Growing up with, like All these tiny little kids Running around my house, all my brothers and sisters, and it's like it's very weird for me To be like oh no, I love babies, I love little kids. Like as a grown man, you can't say you love kids. No, it's.

Kyle:

Yeah, like could you imagine If I showed up for like I think I'm very qualified for a babysitter. But if, imagine, I'm on like a babysitting like website and I pull up for an interview like to babysit a lady's kid and I walk in.

kyle:

I thought that was normally like a just only chick thing, I think it usually is, or a gay dude maybe.

Ryan:

But I was thinking I was like bro.

Kyle:

I'd be a fucking nasty babysitter.

Ryan:

In my experience I wouldn't I don't know, I wouldn't go for a guy Like if I were to.

kyle:

That's what I'm saying. It's chick oriented.

Kyle:

That's the thing. That's why I was thinking how weird it would be, but then you also.

kyle:

you also see those daycare workers.

Ryan:

Yeah, they're bad.

Carlos:

They're bad.

kyle:

I just seen a video of a lady that got arrested in Oklahoma City.

Kyle:

Oh yeah, they beat the fuck out of those kids.

kyle:

She was beating the fuck out of this little three-year-old. And then the dad comes in and like rams on her.

Kyle:

Oh yeah, 100%.

Ryan:

Yeah, dude, I guess you never know until you know you are a Younger Brothers. Yeah, every now and again I think I'm very qualified, but could you imagine fucking me showing up to your house If you're like on, what's that? What's that, nannycom? Yeah, whatever Like you, just put your profile up and wait for someone to hit.

Kyle:

It's my Uber profile picture. It's just my head. No, I'd never get a fucking hit. Alright fellas, I think that's a podcast. Is that number one?

kyle:

I think we're done, I think we're out of here.

Kyle:

I think that's a podcast. Ryan, you have some shit to read over there. What do I got to read? Let's make sure Ryan can read.

kyle:

Oh, Same shit.

Kyle:

Kyle's finally in a better fucking mood now yeah you've woken up bud Immediately after we get off camera. I'm going right back. You're going right back.

Ryan:

Yeah, I don't want to be here. All right, Ryan, take us out.

Kyle:

I don't want to be here anymore, man.

Ryan:

Why.

kyle:

Jesus Christ, Can you elaborate? Please Read no this podcast is over.

Ryan:

man, you can't end the pod on a bad note. We can end it.

Kyle:

However, the fuck we want, dude. Oh my goodness, this is my fucking podcast.

Ryan:

Such a sour little pussy. Well, Ryan, take us out and we'll ignore the sour puss over here All right, well, yeah, no, we got the email Newest Lowe's at Gmail. Yeah, go ahead and send us fucking emails. Have we got any emails to that email yet? No, we haven't got any emails. Nope, we got Isaac's puss ass. Yeah, fuck Isaac. No, I love you Keep.

Kyle:

I love you buddy but yeah, fuck, you Say something about fucking Carlos next time.

kyle:

Call him a fucking Goomba. Hit the Instagram IG. Hit the Instagram NewestLows.

Kyle:

Slow reader.

kyle:

You're a slow reader. Do you want to get fucked up? Because I will fuck you up. I'm telling you, I'm going to fuck you up, continue, man, fuck you. No, we got Q&A on there and then YouTube New videos on there.

Kyle:

Let's go ahead and keep going. Yeah, do we have a link? We have all of our links on Spotify, Instagram.

Ryan:

Yeah.

Kyle:

Everything is Newest Lowe's, it's pretty easy. I think YouTube is pretty hard to find right now.

Ryan:

Yeah, Newest Lowe's. You have to spell it retarded. No, it doesn't matter.

kyle:

You have to spell it retarded, like how I wrote it.

Kyle:

It doesn't matter, it doesn't pop up I can find it.

kyle:

If I'm on YouTube, we'll put the link on Spotify. Well, because you're subscribed to it, I don't have a YouTube channel.

Kyle:

There's a link on Spotify.

kyle:

There's a link on Instagram.

Kyle:

Just click on one of those. Give us a fucking review. Fucking hate when people say that.

Ryan:

There's 200 of you guys out there listening to us.

Kyle:

Imagine, dude you could keep this podcast going forever if you wanted to Imagine us.

kyle:

Just keep filling our fucking pockets with so much money. Yeah we made a lot of money last week from you guys.

Ryan:

We're in a couple different countries. Fucking Europe. Europe is popping off. Fuck you Europe.

kyle:

Drive on the right side of the road, bitch Alright that's a podcast, boys, all right.

Carlos:

We're done.

Kyle:

Goodbye.

Carlos:

Bye.