Newest Lows

Episode 8: When in doubt get a girl

• Newest Lows • Episode 8

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Ever squeezed into a room with six people and two boisterous dogs, only to find yourself live broadcasting to the world? That's exactly how we kicked off our latest episode, where chaos is just part of the charm. Our guest, the ever-delightful Leilany, dives straight into the deep end with us, recounting her post-Magic Kingdom automotive misadventure. From the get-go, it's a whirlwind of laughter, wild anecdotes, and the kind of candid conversations that can only happen among friends who've seen each other at their most unguarded. Trust us, you're in for a rollercoaster ride of emotions, but the view from the top is spectacular.

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Leilany:

He's playing roulette.

Kyle:

He's playing roulette on his fucking phone.

Leilany:

Am, I Am, I, oh, yeah, I can hear you. Wait what?

Ryan:

are we, is this live? We're live now, jesus Christ. How do you sound, lonnie? How do you sound? Can you hear yourself in your headphones? I think I sound amazing like always, that's good.

Leilany:

I like to hear myself talk.

Kyle:

This is fucking another wild one, two in a row. You guys won't hear it in that way, but we have six people.

Leilany:

This is a small room and two dogs. Two dogs, don't forget the dogs. Yeah, this is a small room One that doesn't shut the fuck up Barbie's barking I know, on the camera it looks fucking huge.

Kyle:

It looks like a big, big room.

Leilany:

It's not.

Kyle:

It's small Six people and two dogs in here running around. A lot of that, and the dog is on my lap.

Leilany:

Damn Motherfucker. She said you talking about me.

Kyle:

Well, this is another episode, Ryan, kick it off, man.

Ryan:

Let me deal with this. I'm in awe right now. I'm in awe why 100,000%.

Kyle:

You're in awe of the. Oh Jesus, you got it buddy Barney, get the fuck off me please. I don't dislike dogs, but goddamn can they be annoying.

Leilany:

I mean that one especially. Yeah, she is fucking horrible. Sorry, Brianna.

Kyle:

Why are you talking? I have not introduced you yet, sorry. Shut the fuck up, brianna, god damn it. You can't control your guests. This is fucking crazy Two guests in a row. I can't control your guests. This is fucking crazy. Two guests in a row.

Leilany:

I can't fucking wrangle in. Carlos isn't here, I should have taken four shots of vodka before this, I guess.

Kyle:

Carlos isn't here, yo, okay, pause. I took two of those.

Leilany:

Yep.

Kyle:

And I did another podcast before this.

Leilany:

Yep.

Kyle:

Was drinking the whole time. Those two shots are fucking me up right now those fucked me up. They look like they hit immediately for some weird reason. Yeah, I've never had that happen, anyways you missed out, ryan. I wasn't invited well, you wouldn't take, would you have taken a straight shot?

Leilany:

or fucking shit or something, right, oh why? Oh god, here we, here we go. You're talking over me. Sorry. Would you have taken a straight shot of?

Ryan:

fucking shit or something, right, oh Lani? Oh God, here we go, you're talking over me.

Kyle:

Sorry, would you have taken a shot of straight Tito's?

Ryan:

No.

Kyle:

Okay, then that's why you weren't invited. Newest lows Another episode. We have no Carlos here. The Goomba is not here again, like we always say, he's doing like a step class or water aerobics with his baby. Maybe I don't know what the fuck he's doing, but who do we have here? Now you introduce yourself.

Ryan:

Hello, my name is Leilani Leilani. How do we know you, Leilani?

Kyle:

Oh, we know, Leilani.

Leilany:

Me and Ryan. Both know Leilani. I wouldn't say friends, but adjacent to friends.

Kyle:

Friends adjacent, yeah, friends adjacent for probably like two, three years. Somewhere, probably around two, ever since we've kind of known our producer, eric.

Leilany:

Yeah, I have been longtime friends since college with um eric's girl.

Kyle:

So yeah, you've kind of been straggling there sometimes around sometimes you pop up and I'm just like me and ryan are like oh forgot, oh forgot about you damn but no leilani damn.

Leilany:

Is this a way to treat a faithful listener of your podcast? You are another.

Kyle:

I am a very faithful listener.

Leilany:

We have a faithful listener.

Ryan:

We have the number one fan on here we only bring our number one fans on as guests.

Kyle:

Our last guest might for real be like he might kill us one day.

Leilany:

He's that much of a fan he might just go.

Kyle:

Oh, my fucking god, alright, javier, you gotta chill.

Ryan:

Yeah, I love you, buddy.

Kyle:

We have a dude sitting on the ground.

Leilany:

Yeah.

Ryan:

Kyle, we don't have enough fucking chairs.

Kyle:

I'm not allowed to have a mic. Javier, Javier, shut the fuck up.

Leilany:

Eric said you're not allowed to talk.

Kyle:

Listen to your fucking big brother, or else we're gonna have to restart this, and I don't wanna do it. Leilani's here. Leilani Kyle, what's been going on in your life? What's going on? I heard your car broke down.

Leilany:

Yes, my car did break down Very recently, literally last night, less than 24 hours ago.

Kyle:

Well, and how did you feel after that? How was that?

Leilany:

experience for you. I was stressed out.

Ryan:

What were you doing last night?

Leilany:

Well, last night I was at Magic Kingdom. I skedaddled out of work early and was chilling.

Kyle:

How fucking early did you get out of work to go to the Magic Kingdom?

Leilany:

I got out an hour early than normal, so I normally leave work at 5. I left at 4.

Kyle:

What time does Magic Kingdom close?

Leilany:

10 o'clock. Last night at least, it closed at 10 o'clock.

Kyle:

How long were you there?

Leilany:

I got there probably 6.30. I was there until 11, actually.

Kyle:

Jesus.

Leilany:

Yeah, we were like some of the last people to leave. But yes, as I was driving home on the legendary I-4, suddenly my car broke down and I panicked and I called my brother-in-law, who was also named Kyle, so I accidentally called.

Kyle:

Kyle, yeah, you did call me at 12.

Ryan:

I don't think that's what happened.

Leilany:

I think you called Kyle Big dog Kyle Trying to booty call. She'd think like maybe I need a real man trying to booty call.

Kyle:

She'd think like maybe I need a real man, Maybe I need a real man to come fix my car Booty call is the wrong word for it.

Leilany:

Then what is?

Ryan:

it Maintenance. Call oh man.

Kyle:

Wait, what is he doing? Maintenance on your car.

Leilany:

My car or my car. Ooh, I don't know.

Ryan:

I don't know Whatever one you want to give up that night whatever one you want to give up that night.

Leilany:

I don't know what you're up to with Kyle.

Kyle:

I was just wondering about your fucking car.

Leilany:

God damn Ryan Is there already three games being played.

Kyle:

Yeah, Ryan's already playing some chess over there.

Ryan:

What do you mean? It's chess, not checkers bitch, Do you even?

Kyle:

know how to play chess. No, all right, I swear to God, I could get on that fucking. I don't know how they play chess. No, all right, I swear to God, I could get on that fucking. I don't know how they rank chess, but I'm nasty.

Ryan:

No, I'm nasty at chess. Actually, you are that much of a nerd to be able to be good at chess, all righty.

Leilany:

I don't even think I've ever touched a chess board. I like checkers though.

Ryan:

I was in the chess league in elementary school. How?

Kyle:

to play it. No, usually that's the first step. They teach you how to play.

Ryan:

I know they taught me how to play chess.

Kyle:

What is the? How far can the pawn move and in which direction?

Ryan:

You got me buddy. All right, that's the easiest fucking one.

Kyle:

You can jump a space. You can go two spaces on the very first and then one space after that Only forward.

Leilany:

I didn't know you were so smart.

Kyle:

Leilani's here.

Leilany:

All right, Leilani.

Kyle:

You know what? Yeah, cheers.

Leilany:

Round of applause. Yeah, that's what I deserve. It was good.

Kyle:

You know what's been irking me a little bit, Leilani. Not much anymore, not much nowadays, but back in the day when we first met. I think it was maybe our very first night we met. I already know what's coming. Do you remember what?

Leilany:

happened that night.

Ryan:

Yes, I do, I remember the first night.

Kyle:

You weren't even there and you know what happened. I wasn't there and you know what happened.

Ryan:

I thought I left, I thought I dipped out.

Leilany:

I don't think you, I don't know, Did I meet him after you or before you? Definitely before I feel like no maybe I was the very first one. Yeah, I think I met you first actually.

Kyle:

Lonnie, tell the fans what happened, not the friends Tell our friends.

Leilany:

What happened?

Kyle:

our very first night of meeting each other, because I'm curious as to how you see that night playing out.

Leilany:

You mean the stuff that you weren't involved with and that you feel a little salty that you were involved with.

Kyle:

No, I was talking about it a little bit before, I think that's what it is, because why are you so pressed about it?

Leilany:

huh.

Kyle:

I'm not pressed anymore.

Leilany:

Oh anymore. Like I said I was just very curious. Okay.

Kyle:

What happened that night, you see.

Leilany:

Barbie's backing me up on this.

Ryan:

She said fuck out of here with that. Yeah, barbie, these men are ridiculous. No, no.

Kyle:

No. Well, I remember us having a great time.

Leilany:

No, yeah, I thought you were really cool when I first met you.

Ryan:

Whoa friend zone FZ.

Leilany:

Like cool friend zone-wise. I mean, it was the first time I met him. I didn't really have any opinions at that point, but I think Kyle had opinions and feelings and then he was offended by my actions.

Ryan:

Oh, opinions and feelings.

Leilany:

And feelings.

Ryan:

I'm Dr Phil on this one.

Kyle:

You're Dr Phil, jesus, fucking Christ. Like you're one to talk buddy. What does that mean? I mean You're fucking butting in On my conversation, man.

Leilany:

I'm sorry, see your way out, bro. You didn't say that line, right, but cool.

Kyle:

No, this is an A-B conversation. See your way out. Yeah, I didn't mean to say that, I was just saying get the fuck out.

Leilany:

Cool.

Kyle:

All right, you know what I remember, lanius.

Leilany:

Tell me your perspective, Kyle. I would love to hear that.

Kyle:

We were in not this apartment, but almost pretty similar yeah, our producer Eric's old apartment. Yep, I remember that I met you. They were playing fucking Spanish music. Didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Leilany:

Don't remember that, but I bet we were salsaing, we were dancing. Were, we dancing.

Kyle:

Oh yeah.

Leilany:

There's videos. There's videos. I've seen the videos.

Kyle:

Eric, get on the mic right now.

Leilany:

Get out of. Here Was Kyle and I dancing.

Kyle:

Yes, get on the mic right now, ryan, you weren't even fucking there I've seen the videos what happened, Eric?

Leilany:

Do y'all just take videos of me and just watch my?

Kyle:

videos. Were we dancing, oh, in your living room.

Leilany:

Were we dancing? Yeah, I swear, I thought Kyle was dancing with your girl, eric.

Ryan:

Who the fuck is short girl, your girl, his girl.

Leilany:

Eric's girl. I said your girl.

Ryan:

All these are short girls.

Kyle:

What the fuck is that, and then nothing.

Leilany:

Nothing happened. Yo, this feels like narrating a story. It's like a book, an audio book. Yo, this feels like narrating a story.

Kyle:

It's like a book, an audiobook.

Leilany:

I was wondering what do you think of me, Leila? Why don't you like me very much? Are you offended?

Kyle:

that nothing happened. No, I'm not offended. I'm trying to get a female's perspective other than Eric's girl, because she's a fucking asshole Damn, she's an asshole to me Damn you should see her face. She's sitting right next to me.

Leilany:

Literally. You should see her face. She's sitting right next to me.

Kyle:

Literally right next to him, just off camera. Why doesn't everybody like me?

Leilany:

Because you're a fucking asshole.

Kyle:

I'm an asshole.

Leilany:

You are a fucking asshole Like bad.

Kyle:

Give me an example how.

Leilany:

Oh, my God.

Kyle:

I feel like I'm so nice. You're just like a nice guy, just like a big lovable guy.

Leilany:

No, you know what I learned from this podcast.

Kyle:

What.

Leilany:

I've learned a little bit about you, Kyle. What?

Kyle:

did you learn about me?

Leilany:

I genuinely believe that maybe you used to be a nice guy and some girl fucked your heart up so bad Something happened. That you fucking hate women at this point. Yes, he hates women.

Kyle:

at this point she's calling me a fucking incel.

Leilany:

now I know, I like.

Kyle:

Whoa.

Leilany:

You treat me like straight fucking oh my, oh, my goodness, garbage. Garbage and Like.

Ryan:

When I first met you, I was told to butt out. I'm butting out.

Leilany:

When I first met you, I thought you was cool. Oh I am, but then Okay, but then you got shitty as time went on, so I was like I swear. But then, as you know I don't know if it was the Amazon chick you told us about that you were working with Big titties and blonde hair. But somebody fucking hurt you. And now you like. Can't be nice to a woman 100%.

Ryan:

No.

Leilany:

What I believe.

Ryan:

Damn. So what's my fucking problem then?

Kyle:

Yeah, yeah, what's my fucking?

Ryan:

problem then.

Kyle:

We have a female on the podcast for the first time. We're just trying to get a female's opinion on either of us. Well, I know you have problems and you hate women. That's not true. I just think, maybe I think I may think you hate women, though okay awesome but I 100 kyle does because he's been hurt in the past.

Ryan:

Thank you like this man. Thank you so much, thank you so much. Therapy. Thank you so much, thank you.

Leilany:

Women can be great. I'm sorry that someone fucked your life up.

Kyle:

Women can also be fucking awful.

Leilany:

Exactly so. You probably just met an awful woman Just like men, mm-hmm, you've had some bad boyfriends. Fuck yeah.

Kyle:

Tell me about them.

Leilany:

Damn. You want to hear about my past boyfriends?

Kyle:

That's kind of that's a heavy question, not really. I want to keep talking about me a little bit. Okay, go for it.

Ryan:

What Kyle is trying to ask is what is so wrong with Kyle?

Kyle:

Well, apparently I'm an asshole and I hate women. Yeah, that's the problem.

Leilany:

I mean literally the last time I saw Kyle. You know what happened.

Kyle:

What happened.

Leilany:

Last time I saw him was at a Halloween party party? Oh, I don't yeah, you remember that fucking shit I didn't, I didn't come to this one ryan was not there, not come to the. I didn't come to this one. It was not this past halloween, with one beforehand.

Leilany:

The first thing kyle tells me yeah is something along the lines like wow, I didn't know we were supposed to dress like sluts today and I was like oh no. Immediately I was like I don't fuck with this dude, I don't fuck with this. And I was not the girl dressed the worst there. There was a lot of booty in that part Ooh, Spider-Man Me and Eric remember Spider-Man. I remember Spider-Man, oh my goodness. I remember Spider-Man.

Kyle:

Your ass was fully hanging out. I mean your ass was out, I mean it don't hang, but it was out.

Leilany:

It was out. Yeah, okay, so I was correct. Wow, wow, okay, no, you know what I think it is like.

Kyle:

Everyone else is like oh, my goodness, you know what I think it is like. Um, maybe I get like too comfortable with somebody too quick and then I start talking how I usually talk and like with women, it just like goes over their heads. Um, maybe they don't understand what I'm saying.

Ryan:

They're not onto and on your intellect no, maybe this.

Kyle:

Uh, that was just. I played lani, that was just a joke, um, you did piss me the fuck off that night, though.

Leilany:

I don't know if you picked up on that, but like I really spoke to me. I just walked out the room. I said, fuck this dude.

Kyle:

I didn't pick up on it. I was drinking pretty heavily that night.

Leilany:

I was pissed at you. I was talking shit to my two best friends. I was like, fuck this dude, I don't want to talk to him again. And here I am.

Kyle:

Cause I didn't even dress up. I wore a skeleton t-shirt. I didn't know we were going to a halloween party and I had to dress up for it you know that same night you broke, you took like 30 or what I did a handful of beers I said we were. You said we were leaving and I was like all right, I'm gonna fucking take everything out of this ice chest, get the fuck out of here, and it was all and it was all glass and I was.

Kyle:

I was running out with eric and one of the smirnoff Isis, slipped out and shattered all over the floor.

Leilany:

I ran out of here. I did not know that. Yeah, suddenly I turned around and I couldn't find Brianna or Eric. And I texted Brianna. I was like girl, where'd you go? I was like damn, y'all didn't even say bye to me.

Kyle:

Yeah, I think we had left Kind of hurt. You know what it is negging. It's like making negative comments, like about the girl like you want to think like. It's like saying rude stuff to make them like you more. Yeah, and I think I might just go too hard with it you do?

Ryan:

I promise you, you're getting yourself down a rabbit hole right now, buddy no, it like it really.

Kyle:

That's not the way to go with a woman, I promise but I feel like some women might like it, and maybe that's my right. Maybe that's the right woman for me, the one I can call a fucking slut anytime I want. No, I don't know, it's just. Maybe I take it too far sometimes and I don't mean to be mean, but apparently the way I say things sounds very mean. You are very mean the way I say it sounds mean.

Leilany:

There's been like five times that I said I'm never going to speak to Kyle again.

Ryan:

You have to take Kyle with a grain of salt.

Leilany:

Yeah, you do, I mean he likes to.

Ryan:

When he says something fucked up, he's not trying to be fucked up.

Kyle:

I will almost 90, I'd say 90 to 95% of the time I'm never serious, Even with you guys. I've never really gotten deep with you. Ryan, what does?

Leilany:

that mean, and we've known each other for three years. Y'all have an interesting relationship, me and Ryan Hell, yeah, you know who also has an interesting years, me and Ryan. Hell yeah.

Kyle:

You know who also has an interesting relationship you and Ryan.

Leilany:

What does that mean? I don't know. Ryan and I have not talked in a minute, so what's interesting about our relationship?

Kyle:

Cool guy.

Leilany:

Yo, I'm buzzed as fuck right now. I'm just going to say that.

Kyle:

All right, man, chill out. We're on the fucking cast.

Ryan:

I just want to know because I feel like I'm having an odd about it experience.

Kyle:

Whoa, whoa. What does that mean? Me and Ryan, I think, have both shot our shot with you, correct?

Leilany:

Get the fuck out of here. If y'all did, I'd be oblivious to it.

Kyle:

Get the fuck out of here.

Leilany:

Get, think whoa get the fuck out of here like that.

Kyle:

Okay, now I feel like that bitch though very, uh, very hurtful, but that's fine we invited you on the cast I feel like eric did you and ryan have had more run-ins than me and you have had, I think, after the very first night where we salsed, where we salsed, that was kind of the end of it, and then we were kind of just like mean friends to each other.

Leilany:

Well, let me tell you this. I will just say, and I don't want to put anybody under the bus here All right, but I did not have control at all of what happened that night I was no which night the first night we met all right with what ended up happening. I was blackout drunk. I'll just say that I don't even remember why don't?

Kyle:

we don't have to bring up how the night ended, okay?

Leilany:

well, I mean because I feel like that with that no, no. I was just saying no no because he heard what happened oh yeah, he heard apparently that was our only real like run-in, like that but, as you have seen, that's that shouldn't work out all right, well, you're bringing it up.

Kyle:

We might as well fucking say it don't. I mean don't say you're, you were too blacked out to remember anything, because that seems very bad I actually, I actually was okay, like I really don, I actually was completely blacked out Like I really don't remember it.

Leilany:

Okay, I know what happened because of Brianna, okay.

Kyle:

So the night we met, the end of that night doesn't matter. I had nothing to do with this.

Leilany:

No, no, no, he did not Just so my friends know. No.

Kyle:

Listening to this, I had nothing to do with it. That night ends. You meet Ryan.

Leilany:

I guess I scared Kyle though you meet Ryan, you scared Kyle. I think I scared Kyle that night.

Kyle:

He went apparently.

Leilany:

I heard that he went running out of the place. He said, fuck this, I'm out of here.

Kyle:

I literally sat on the couch with Brianna. I sat on the couch with Eric's girlfriend for like two hours just listening. I was fucking.

Leilany:

Oh, did you like it? Do you like the way he's?

Kyle:

on it? Hell, no, I said, that's weak. Did you touch yourself?

Leilany:

to it later Weak sauce. I said so what you got?

Ryan:

Bah bah bah, you're fucked, buddy, you're fucked.

Kyle:

But then you met Ryan afterwards I don't even remember the first time and you guys have had way more Dare, I say Sexual run-ins, hell no Than we have had.

Leilany:

Hell. No, ryan and I have never had sexual contact.

Kyle:

Nope, that's not what I mean.

Leilany:

Okay, then Elaborate buddy.

Kyle:

But you guys have gotten closer than we have.

Leilany:

Are we close, Ryan?

Kyle:

Do we remember Epcot? We've gone to Epcot twice. All of us have gone to Epcot twice.

Leilany:

There have been times where me, ryan Kyle and producer Eric hang out quite a bit, hang out for like a couple days.

Kyle:

Eric's shaking his head.

Leilany:

Yeah, it sounds like he got some memories.

Kyle:

I don't have any memories.

Leilany:

It sounds like he got some memories.

Ryan:

I don't have any memories.

Leilany:

I was blacked out too. No, you are not.

Ryan:

No, no the fuck you are not.

Kyle:

Well, now we've gone through me and Leilani's history, I just want to go through your and Ryan's history.

Leilany:

I'd love to hear your thoughts about me and Ryan, Like what's the deal here?

Kyle:

I just want to go through your history about how that worked itself out how we got through that.

Leilany:

that that's right, because apparently I fucking suck. And then you know I suck too, buddy, I literally don't remember the first time that, ryan, do you remember Eric? Knows Epcot was it no this day I had to have mentioned before him who's Epcot?

Ryan:

either Epcot or cows.

Leilany:

Little birthday thing no, I knew you before. Cows, little bird thing.

Ryan:

Was it after Epcot?

Leilany:

How the hell are we going to meet after Epcot?

Ryan:

I said was that after Epcot or was that before Epcot?

Leilany:

Kyle's birthday thing that was after Epcot.

Ryan:

So how did we meet Leilani?

Kyle:

Shit, I don't remember, doesn't matter how you met, it matters what happened after.

Leilany:

So tell us what is your perspective of what happened, because I literally don't know what the hell you're talking about. I remember that you caused Ryan and I to fight really bad, that's all I remember.

Kyle:

No, you caused you and Ryan to fight.

Leilany:

But you instigated that shit.

Kyle:

How? What did you call Ryan that made him want to Uber home? I?

Leilany:

ain't going to say that, but you know why I called Ryan that.

Kyle:

Why.

Leilany:

Because you asked me what was your first impression of Ryan, and I was honest.

Kyle:

Yeah, you didn't have to be a dickhead about it. Dickhead about it. What the fuck did you want me to say lie, you were just. You say I'm mean. That was a very mean comment you made to ryan. I think you called him, uh, redneck or something, hell, no.

Leilany:

Well, it's along those same lines, but no if you remember, if you remember the way that night went I told kyle. I was like no, I don't want to say what I'm going to say what I actually thought. And he was like do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.

Ryan:

He said like 50 freaking sounds like how yeah, and he wouldn't shut the fuck up.

Leilany:

So I said it just to get him to shut up. And then brian got really fucking pissed at me. He almost wanted to leave the fucking disney park. He was like done at that point. He blocked me on social media, all that shit I was yeah, but it was because kyle instigated that shit.

Kyle:

Thank you.

Leilany:

Thank you, we could be fine. We are fine. We are fine. Jesus Christ Making a mess out of everything he likes to fuck up people's relationships because he can't maintain one. Oh, she just called it a relationship. I mean relationships can be, I have a relationship with my sister. That's a relationship, ew, that's a relationship.

Kyle:

Ew, that's fucking nasty.

Leilany:

I hate you. Anyways, relationship doesn't have to be romantical.

Kyle:

Or sexual.

Leilany:

What was the last sexual experience you?

Kyle:

had Leilani. Why do you want to know that you listen to the podcast? You know, me and Ryan are down in the dumps.

Ryan:

Fuck yeah why you got to be so fucking vulgar. God damn, why'd he kick?

Kyle:

a dog in the corner. What is?

Ryan:

that.

Kyle:

We're on a dirt hill with a snowboard.

Ryan:

We are floating down shit creek with no paddle.

Kyle:

Carlos is right there with you. I don't think his wife wouldn't.

Leilany:

She wouldn't like that Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect. Oh, ryan's got you in his dick, nuts.

Kyle:

You're sexually active Am.

Leilany:

I yeah? No, at this point, actually no. Am I yeah? No, at this point, actually no, I'm not. The last time I had sex was like August.

Kyle:

What happened to your Damn?

Leilany:

What do you mean? Damn Damn. Well, you know I tell you how many months is that?

Kyle:

That's almost that's coming up on eight months, nine months.

Ryan:

That's eight months.

Leilany:

It's been a little bit of a dry spell.

Kyle:

This is what we're trying to do. We're trying to normalize women talking about sexual experiences. I love to fuck. We all do.

Leilany:

I'm a human being. We all love to fuck.

Kyle:

Everybody loves to fuck.

Ryan:

Thank you Eric, thank you buddy.

Kyle:

August. What happened to the? I think last time I saw you you Thank you, buddy, August. What happened to the? I think last time I saw you, you showed me your fucking.

Leilany:

Yeah, you had a boyfriend. Chunk, yeah, fuck, no.

Ryan:

But, he was, yeah, the guy you met at church or whatever the fuck you were doing.

Kyle:

Yeah, he looked like a chunk-ass.

Ryan:

No, no, no, I got a weird memory.

Kyle:

No, I didn't know, I showed y'all him.

Leilany:

You showed me him no.

Kyle:

I got to remember, I remember.

Ryan:

He was a big boy.

Leilany:

He's like Kyle, he was bigger than me.

Ryan:

I didn't know, he was bigger than you, maybe not bigger.

Kyle:

He was softer than me. He was softer.

Leilany:

What happened with him. This is really bad.

Kyle:

Why you said deceased no this is oh, I thought he was a deceased. I was like God damn he died.

Leilany:

Now I feel bad. I was like Daniel. Yeah, he died in the middle of sex.

Ryan:

No, Damn, he fell out from a fucking heart attack.

Leilany:

Yeah, he came so fucking hard, he fucking died.

Kyle:

God and I said what the?

Leilany:

fuck, am I going to do with the body now? No, actually, this is like really bad. Y'all are bringing up some shit right now um, so I found out. So he was the last guy that I was with and it was in august. The last sexual experience I had, um I found out he was married anal.

Kyle:

Oh so well he was married.

Ryan:

He was married y'all. Do you have kids?

Leilany:

no, he didn't well, nice no, actually I think he did yeah he did have kids, yeah he had a kid.

Kyle:

He didn't have any contact with damn yeah, with the same woman he was married to or a different one? No a different woman.

Leilany:

Yeah that was a shit show.

Kyle:

How the fuck was that dude getting pussy? That dude? He's doing something better than we are buddy.

Leilany:

I mean he knew how to talk to someone. Nice, I'll say that.

Kyle:

He'll just be nice, I mean.

Ryan:

Kyle is a nice fucking guy that shit's fucking cliche though, bro.

Kyle:

It is cliche, that's fucking cliche. Why do I always got to be nice to fucking everybody?

Leilany:

Fuck that. I mean that might have to do with being a good person, or whatever.

Ryan:

Kyle's a great guy. He's a good person. Thank you, Ryan. Kyle's a good person.

Leilany:

It did surprise me. When he hugged me earlier. I was like oh, he wants to start off on my right foot, I guess.

Kyle:

And you said be careful, because why?

Leilany:

Why? Because I got my nipples pierced last week. I didn't even give you a hug.

Ryan:

I just waved at you and I said hello.

Leilany:

Yeah, what the fuck? What does that have to do with my nipples being pierced?

Ryan:

He's a nicer guy than I am. I didn't give you a hug, I just said hello, I gave, I asked.

Leilany:

Kyle to be careful hugging me and he goes. Why? And I was honest, I said I got my hair pierced last week.

Kyle:

Yeah, you got your hair pierced last week. Why would you do that? Why?

Leilany:

Because I love piercings, so I have at this moment nine piercings.

Ryan:

I do love Teddy piercings. That's my dad.

Leilany:

Are you mad that I flashed Eric's girl and not you?

Ryan:

I did want to say Wait what I flashed, eric's- girlfriend.

Kyle:

Oh yeah.

Ryan:

He saw it twice now. I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

Leilany:

I didn't see it the second time. No, he saw it. Eric's girlfriend saw it. She saw full nipples, titties, everything. Ooh, don't flash me, y'all were literally standing behind me when I did it.

Kyle:

We're on YouTube, I know.

Ryan:

I saw it.

Leilany:

You saw me lift up my shirt.

Ryan:

Yes, Are you mad? Yes, that's what I said. I'm not mad. I said shh Free the nips. I'm always down for the nips. Ryan.

Kyle:

Free the nips. That's twice now.

Leilany:

I'm not a hoe, I didn't see it.

Kyle:

But which one do you prefer? No piercings or piercings, piercings, tits Like strictly talking tits here. Tick tock, tick tock. It's piercings, it's piercings and one mole on their tit.

Leilany:

Yo moles look sexy on tits, Moles One mole on their tit. That's sexy as well, oh, my fucking God. Disclaimer I am bisexual.

Ryan:

You have not shown me that I've never seen a mole on the tip of my tongue.

Kyle:

What do you mean Sexy Like one single mole on the top of a bitch's tit.

Ryan:

Selena.

Leilany:

Gomez has one.

Kyle:

Yeah, if I could see Selena Gomez's tits no, but I'm saying, like Jesus, she's hot.

Leilany:

Hell yeah, she is she's? Hot Hell, yeah, she is.

Kyle:

That's my woman, yeah she's hot Tits are very hot, but the the love of my life In high school For four years. I think I've told you about her.

Ryan:

Oh damn.

Kyle:

Loved her for all four years Of high school. Friends owned me, didn't touch or see anything.

Leilany:

Is that why you're a dick to women?

Kyle:

Didn't touch or see anything.

Leilany:

It is I loved her man.

Ryan:

I think it's traumatizing. No, it is.

Kyle:

But she had a mole Like right on the top Inside of one of her tits and it was like it ended up being like the hottest thing.

Leilany:

Ever. I wish I had a mole Ever.

Kyle:

Oh my god. It compares to fucking Pierce tits. It compares to the Pierce nipples. I'd put them right at the same level.

Leilany:

It looks like Ryan's about to go into Cardiac arrest with his new information.

Kyle:

No, no, because you're looking at moles as very unattractive.

Ryan:

On their tits. Well, I'm just looking at moles. Because I see somebody with a mole on their fucking face, I'm staring at it. It's not on their face. I'm staring at the mole the whole time. I can't fucking look away from it.

Leilany:

Well as we know, ryan likes to stare at weird things. As I sat down, he was like you got your toes out that was crazy, he was checking on my toes.

Kyle:

You say you might be a foot guy.

Leilany:

Are you a foot guy?

Ryan:

To each his own. My brother, he's a foot guy.

Kyle:

Thank you, you're coming out.

Leilany:

You're coming out as a foot guy.

Kyle:

He found out.

Leilany:

Ryan likes feet. What about you, Kyle? What is your weird kink?

Kyle:

A beautiful personality. No, that is not Kyle. That is not Kyle Eric had a cute ass.

Leilany:

He knew, he knew that is not. He knew you was going to say some garbage.

Ryan:

He knew, he knew, you're crazy.

Kyle:

Crazy. What do I look for in a woman?

Leilany:

What do you look?

Kyle:

for Somebody. I can control 100%.

Leilany:

What the fuck? Red flag ladies, red flags, run, run.

Kyle:

Somebody I can make do anything I want.

Ryan:

You just want to fucking have fun and just be left alone. I'm scared Ryan knows and just be left completely alone.

Leilany:

Ryan, you and I are going to have to trade seats because I'm freaking scared of this man. No, no, he's fine, he's fine.

Kyle:

I thought about that when we were setting this up Just right in the middle of us leaning over and talking to each other.

Ryan:

I think it would be weird if Leilani was sitting over there leaning like this. I think I would have been excluded from the conversation.

Kyle:

Now you have to be in the conversation.

Leilany:

You were smart with this one.

Kyle:

Like I said, it's not like we don't know each other. It's not like you're a brand new person coming in and we're saying wild shit like this, no person coming in and we're saying wild shit like this.

Leilany:

No, you know the wild shit. Honestly, that's genuinely why I listen to this podcast, because I know you guys and I know what to expect. I don't listen to other podcasts like this is the one podcast I religiously listen to he's about to leave the room, but pretend it's not happening.

Kyle:

Go ahead. Well, way to bring it up javier's leaving. Javier, you gotta take a piss.

Leilany:

Oh yeah.

Kyle:

He shook his head with vigor. He's like yeah. I'm dizzy as fuck right now that was fucking four shots of Tito's right before the water.

Leilany:

Dizzy as fuck. No, I'm good. If you know me, I'm always the one that's gonna deny water. People are gonna be like like Lonnie you need to get better, you need to control yourself. You gotta go home, I'm gonna be like fuck that.

Ryan:

Well, actually, leilani, last time I saw you, Huh, huh, what'd you call me.

Leilany:

I'm sorry, she doesn't like Leilani. I don't like being called Leilani. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay, thank you.

Ryan:

My buddy friends. His mom's name is Leilani and we call her.

Leilany:

Miss Lonnie, I know Only my family calls me that. So that's the only people.

Ryan:

I tolerate from Keep going, ryan. What were you going to say? I was going to say last time I saw you, I think I ended up in the bathtub.

Kyle:

Yes, you did, oh my.

Ryan:

God, that was a crazy freaking night, that fucked up night when I ended up in the bathtub Yo okay.

Leilany:

So what up happening is like I mean, this is kind of how we chill. We always like come to eric's place and we just hang out we come to eric's place. We come at eric's place yeah, we do, I know I have jesus I don't think I came anyway you said you.

Ryan:

You said you were blacked out.

Leilany:

You wouldn't remember yo yo may or may have not, probably didn't.

Kyle:

We should stay away from Blackout coming that you don't remember.

Ryan:

You want.

Leilany:

Anyway, anyway, okay, so we go, we come and we hang out at Eric's place. We do all kinds of things here. Oh wait, no, that sounds worse. Anyway, we hang out at Eric's place.

Ryan:

Pineapples, everywhere Pineapples and upside down pineapples everywhere.

Kyle:

None of us are married.

Leilany:

Ryan drank a little too much and what ended up happening is he was the one that was blackout drunk that night.

Ryan:

I was, I was he suddenly gets.

Leilany:

He's like passed out sleeping on the couch. Suddenly he's like he gets up. I gotta fucking pee. He goes to the bathroom and we're like is this dude okay? He like it's been like 15 minutes. Don't know where the hell he is, I don't remember who.

Kyle:

Someone goes looking for him and the man is sleeping in the fucking bathtub. It was your roommate and his girlfriend came home. Oh yeah, and they needed to use the bathroom and his girlfriend walked into the bathroom.

Leilany:

His girlfriend walked into the bathroom.

Kyle:

Ryan was passed out in the bathtub and we knew he was passed out in the bathtub because, we checked on him. But then she walked in and was like everything's wet, Everything's wet in here.

Leilany:

Everything was wet, including Ryan's pants.

Ryan:

I pissed myself. I did.

Kyle:

Okay, I'll admit it, I did, you did not just piss yourself, you tried to piss everywhere he pissed all.

Leilany:

No, I didn't Not in the toilet. Around it, Kyle it wasn't tried.

Ryan:

I pissed everywhere.

Leilany:

Yeah, you pissed everywhere Not on purpose no.

Ryan:

No, no. I have a very gray moment of trying to piss in the toilet and my forehead ended up in the bathroom.

Leilany:

Get the fuck out of here. That's funny.

Kyle:

I've never been like a drunk pisser like that. Have you ever like pissed your bed or your pants like after a night of drinking?

Leilany:

I've never been like a drunk pee guy. You pissed yourself on I-4. But I will say I was not drunk.

Kyle:

I just couldn't pull over on the fucking road.

Leilany:

You pissed yourself on I-4?.

Kyle:

I had the pee in my truck.

Ryan:

I didn't even know this story. What is the story? I pissed myself on fucking 95 coming back from Jacksonville.

Kyle:

Am I the only one that hasn't pissed herself on the road? Yeah, dude, I was in road work late at night when they closed down lanes and shit, nowhere to pull over. I was not drinking, I just had to pee very bad and I didn't think I could hold it and I was like there's nowhere to pull over at, no shoulder, nothing, it's all closed. So I Fucking bit the bullet and I pissed In my fucking that's crazy In my driver's seat. What did?

Leilany:

you. What did you say? Not even like in a bottle, you just pissed your pants. I couldn't no.

Ryan:

God.

Kyle:

Cal, what happened when you were in the I'd have so much shame.

Ryan:

What happened in the middle of pissing? You heard it trickling underneath the seat.

Kyle:

I have cloth seats and I could hear it dropping onto the floor of the car through the chair. No.

Leilany:

Get out.

Kyle:

That shit is fucking nasty. It smelled like piss, for I swear to God, like two months. That shit is fucking nasty. It smelled like piss, for I swear to god, like two months. Especially in the Florida heat it smelled terrible the Florida heat will fuck up any smell and it was my now dead grandpa's truck, and I felt very ashamed.

Kyle:

I felt very ashamed of myself, for I had to look up and say I'm fucking so sorry, grandpa. I had to piss and I pissed all over you your spirit is in this truck and I pissed on you and I said fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, grandpa, fuck.

Leilany:

I miss you so much. Shut the fuck up. Did you just start crying after you peed? Yeah, no, I didn't give a fuck, you didn't give fucked. Man, I did care that my fucking car smelled like piss for three months.

Ryan:

Yeah, that's pretty rough. Pretty rough Happens to the best of us buddy.

Kyle:

Yeah, don't take the high road. You also pissed your car, I did.

Leilany:

Damn, I'm the only one that can hold their bladder here today, that's funny, because women usually can't.

Kyle:

Women have smaller bladders.

Ryan:

That's why they piss so much. No, women have smaller bladders.

Leilany:

That's why they piss so much I piss myself in my car.

Ryan:

And then I lived in an elevator. You lived in an elevator. I lived in an apartment that had an elevator.

Leilany:

Damn Ryan, that's a new kind of poor. Damn.

Ryan:

No, I pissed myself in the elevator too. You told me this.

Kyle:

I forgot you did that, I pissed myself in the elevator.

Ryan:

You pissed in the elevator up to your me.

Kyle:

This I forgot you did that.

Ryan:

I pissed myself in the elevator, in the elevator up to your apartment drunk pisser like this is always something you do no no well I yeah, yeah yeah, yeah you are, yeah, oh god, yeah, I pissed myself in the elevator and then somebody got on directly after me and I just ran to my apartment.

Leilany:

I I just ran inside. Shit, they didn't say anything to you.

Ryan:

I ran inside and just locked the door.

Kyle:

Yeah, once a drunk pisser, always a drunk pisser, for sure.

Leilany:

That's fucking nasty.

Ryan:

You were a drunk pisser too, apparently.

Kyle:

I wasn't drunk, damn. I was not driving, he was struggling, he was on the struggle bus. Motherfucker.

Leilany:

I. He was on the struggle bus, Motherfucker. I was just in road work, I was in construction. Man Damn, talking about this makes me want to pee, but I'm chilling. I kind of got to pee a little bit.

Kyle:

Well.

Ryan:

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Kyle:

Leilani, what did you want to come on here and talk about?

Ryan:

Yeah, you got the floor right now.

Kyle:

I don't know if you wanted to come on here, but no, I really didn't, I just really really love Eric.

Ryan:

Yeah, we forced you on. If you only love Eric, you don't love me, and Kyle, y'all are fucking assholes to me.

Leilany:

What Kyle said. What the fuck did I do? No, it's literally gotten to the point that I'm genuinely scared to come into contact with Kyle Whoa.

Kyle:

I'm so serious.

Leilany:

I'm like fuck, what am I going to do when Kyle sees me? He's going to be an asshole. What am I going to say? I'm genuinely afraid of seeing Kyle.

Kyle:

She's thinking a rebuttal. She's thinking a comeback.

Ryan:

That's fine, I'll take that. I'll take that. I'm scared of Kyle.

Kyle:

See, but our energy has like since that first time, it's never sexual no, I'm just a dickhead.

Ryan:

No, no, no see, we're friends.

Kyle:

No cows, and I'm a butt and I'm a dickhead and I'm a dickhead to my friends, the only thing time that that's happened.

Leilany:

I remember there was one time eric being a mr little instigator over there too was we were at epcot and he goes. Oh um, he goes to meet leilani. If you were stuck on a stranded island and you had the option to procreate with kyle or ryan, who would you pick? I said kyle yeah, I said kyle, because I'm not gonna like.

Kyle:

Kyle is my type, but he scares me but if we were on an island, just together? But if we were on a stranded island? There's nobody else things would happen.

Leilany:

Yeah, I can't believe. I'm admitting that On a podcast right now.

Kyle:

I'm sorry, ryan, what's?

Leilany:

so fucked up about me? There ain't nothing wrong with you. What's so fucked up about?

Ryan:

me. I'm saying what is, what's so?

Kyle:

fucked up. I remember this. I vaguely remember this the hot mic right now.

Leilany:

What's so fucked up about me? We were standing in Canada, we were drinking Nothing's fucked up about you.

Kyle:

If we had another girl in here that liked your type, she would pick you Some weird chick that likes short redhead.

Ryan:

I'm gonna fuck you up. I feel like he's a brunette. I'm a brunette.

Kyle:

Why do you call him a redhead? Look at it in the light.

Leilany:

I mean, we're in the fucking light right now. That's brown hair, right, but you can see the red tinge, that's brown hair he got, but you can see the red tinge. That's brown hair. He got maybe a little bit of natural highlights, but that's brown hair.

Kyle:

Yeah.

Leilany:

They know him right about it.

Ryan:

My mom is strawberry blonde, and then my brother and sister are gingers.

Leilany:

I'm a little afraid of you knowing what a strawberry blonde is, but okay.

Kyle:

Ooh, strawberry blonde's pretty hot.

Ryan:

My mom was a strawberry mom, Leilani, sir, what we?

Kyle:

really brought you on here is for some advice. Okay, some womanly advice, tell me, because Brianna sucks at it. We'll start. Stop, wait no, eric's girlfriend, our producer's girlfriend.

Leilany:

Our producer's girlfriend sucks at it before she writes.

Kyle:

You say, she sucks at it Well, but they have been together for a very long time, long ass time. Leilani is in the dating scene. Yes, I am very single right now. See, but I don't know how much I trust you, because you're on quite a bit of a dry spell yourself. I don't trust you at all. You haven't squirted in how long.

Leilany:

Oh my god.

Ryan:

I never said I haven't squirted, I just haven't maybe squirted with somebody else.

Leilany:

You ain't been with the right man. I'm trying to find a nice, good guy that make me squirt Like what's good. That's the thing. You gotta be nice to me, you gotta treat me with respect and then I'm gonna be like Fuck. Well, that's fuck, bro, jesus.

Ryan:

What Jesus Jesus.

Leilany:

That's why it pays to be nice to women. Dude it pays.

Ryan:

I'm always nice.

Kyle:

I'm always nice to fucking women Cause, then they, then they squirt on you.

Leilany:

Hell yeah, we're going to look at you and be like, damn, I'm going to fuck that dude.

Ryan:

Well, you know what happens after they squirt on me. What happens, I'm going to eat their ass. Oh, all right, jesus.

Kyle:

Ryan.

Leilany:

I mean, I don't know why hey? Hey, I don't know why you're.

Kyle:

I love getting my ass ate, ryan, this is a family show, oh Jesus.

Leilany:

This is not family for me it's never been, not from day one.

Ryan:

What did I always tell you you?

Kyle:

love eating ass.

Ryan:

What did I tell you when a bitch walks by with a fat ass?

Kyle:

You said I'd eat her ass.

Ryan:

I would tongue punch the shit out of her fart box.

Leilany:

Fuck. No, you don't say that shit, Ryan. Yeah, I do Yo you freaky.

Kyle:

You get all. Yeah, Freaky little boy.

Leilany:

Okay, my respect went up a little bit.

Kyle:

You're a little brown.

Leilany:

You want to eat ass.

Kyle:

Kyle, I never have.

Ryan:

I've never had. I love ass. I've never, I do.

Leilany:

Yo, I respect this man for that. I do, I do, I respect it, I showed.

Ryan:

Kyle a video earlier of a bitch with a white girl with a fat ass. He said it was disgusting.

Kyle:

No, it was not, it was not a girl.

Leilany:

It was not a white girl with a fat ass.

Kyle:

It was a white girl with 50 pounds of implanted ass.

Ryan:

You don't like big girls. I think that sounds like you don't like fake girls.

Kyle:

Fake girls bro.

Ryan:

Her ass was not fake, you showed.

Kyle:

Eric the video correct. Yes, I did, eric was not fake. You showed Eric the video correct.

Ryan:

Yes, I did.

Kyle:

Eric, was that fake? Why you gotta pull me?

Leilany:

into it. I feel like that's how all of our conversations go.

Ryan:

Because this motherfucker believes that that ass he showed us was real.

Kyle:

Regardless or not, I don't care. I don't care, ryan doesn't care.

Leilany:

I don't care, I do, he said, if his big is big.

Kyle:

Bro, you want, like a Kim K, full diaper ass. Ew, it's fucking hateful. I don't know what this bitch look like.

Leilany:

Your thighs. Sweetie honeys, ladies out there, your thighs need to match your ass. Who the fuck told you your fat fucking ass with your skinny little thighs looks good that I fucking told you your fat fucking ass with your skinny little thighs.

Ryan:

Looks good. That shit don't look good. I agree with that. 100,000%. Bitch I agree with that. I do agree with that. Fuck out of here with that shit. I do agree with that.

Kyle:

Our audience is 100% male, so you're speaking into the void right now.

Leilany:

I mean, I'm not a male and I'm in party mode.

Kyle:

Right, you're reaching no female listeners, but what advice would you give us?

Leilany:

We got off topic here.

Kyle:

Advice. Sorry, we'll start with Ryan. We've been fucking starting with me the whole time. It didn't bother me. We'll start with Ryan. What can Ryan do to fucking get him some pussy other than pay money? Other than pay money, other than pay?

Leilany:

money. No, I'm not going to lie. That stripper story was fucking crazy. The fact that you couldn't get it up for a stripper.

Ryan:

That shit was crazy. I couldn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was a little intimidated, that's all right. That's all right.

Leilany:

I was astonished when I heard that story. That's all right, is your it?

Kyle:

happens to everyone. It happens to everyone.

Ryan:

No.

Leilany:

No it happens to everybody.

Ryan:

It stays right.

Leilany:

I understand.

Ryan:

It stays right.

Leilany:

Okay, well, let me tell you about Ryan, the problem with Ryan.

Ryan:

What is my problem?

Leilany:

Let's start with the problems and then we'll work our way up to the good stuff. I will give credit to you and Carlos. You have already kind of nailed it on the head.

Kyle:

Thank you.

Leilany:

The problem is, ryan, you think about like you know what you wear and you think of like expensive stuff. The problem is that expensive stuff you wear don't ever match.

Kyle:

You wear some out of whack shit you're saying his swag is one of the reasons he's not getting books I love you, ryan, but it's whack okay, because you just think about the price.

Leilany:

Like you have to think about how good the things you wear go together. And let me tell you I know some things about ryan that maybe other people don't want to know.

Ryan:

But what the fuck does that mean?

Leilany:

I'm gonna tell you the times that we have gone to epcot. It's been like well, I don't have enough clothes, so I'm gonna wear the same outfit for three days. That shit is nasty Girls. Okay, it doesn't matter what a girl is into. At the end of the day, every girl loves a clean-ass man. And I see you over here wearing the same outfit three days in a row.

Kyle:

Thank you. I'm sorry, preach, preach soul sister. I'm sorry, preach soul sister. Like sorry, sister, like sorry, but if you, if you go on a trip, you got a plan what you're gonna wear, what cologne, you're gonna wear all that stuff right, every lady, it doesn't matter what your type is.

Leilany:

Every lady loves a clean man right, but you gotta bring it.

Kyle:

You can't just talk about weird, you gotta bring up the bad stuff first bad stuff first, and then you bring it up to the good stuff.

Leilany:

Bad stuff first and then you bring it up to the good stuff. He needs a beer after that.

Kyle:

I'm tired, I need a beer, I need a Roboto. So all you're saying is, if he dressed better, he could get more pussy.

Leilany:

I think personally for me, like I can't speak for everybody, but for me I love a man with some swagger and, like you know, Ryan, you need to think about your outfits a little bit more.

Ryan:

I got to change my outfits.

Leilany:

Yeah, you got to think about it a little bit more. I mean you be like Mr Mixed Match. I like how she just said all that. He's like thank you, I know right, I'm like, I'm not saying I'm nice. I think you got potential.

Kyle:

I like right now. But what the fuck with the red shoes with it like that don't make no sense to me.

Leilany:

The hat goes so, so right, so if you put some more effort into your wardrobe, okay, okay, this is, this is constructive, hey I got you more effort into your wardrobe I mean it is beneficial for you to hear a tire opinion of a woman she said, she think you could probably get more pussy.

Kyle:

Yep, I think, just more.

Leilany:

That's a bet that's a that's doable.

Kyle:

That's a no I'm not giving you of a woman. She said she think you could probably get more pussy. Yep, I think you could Just more.

Leilany:

That's a bet, that's a that's doable, that's a no, I'm not giving you, like you, fucking ugly you'll never get no bitches.

Kyle:

That's not what I'm saying. Oh, so you're saying he's hot?

Leilany:

I mean, I don't think I'm saying that either, but Saying just more, I like hefty men. I'm going to just say that, and Ryan's a little skinny thing.

Kyle:

You guys are the same size, same size.

Leilany:

I mean, yeah, that's problematic. You've got to like I don't want to feel like if I sit on your lap I'm going to suffocate you. You know, I feel like I would suffocate Ryan.

Ryan:

You would not suffocate me, you would not suffocate me.

Leilany:

This bitch is going nuts. I Hell yeah, If anything, Leilani.

Ryan:

I would suffocate you.

Kyle:

You wouldn't know what to do. You wouldn't know what to do To win what?

Ryan:

You wouldn't know what to do. I'll just tell you this you wouldn't know what to do you wouldn't know what the fuck was going on.

Kyle:

She wouldn't be able to breathe.

Leilany:

Would I be blackout drunk again?

Ryan:

Again. What the fuck? All right.

Kyle:

All right, slander, that is slander, that is absolute slander. I agree with you that time.

Ryan:

You wouldn't know what to do.

Kyle:

There is no rebuttal. We're just asking a female's opinion About what would help.

Ryan:

For us to get girls. My male opinion we will do this.

Kyle:

Ryan, we will do this after you and me both. She said a better wardrobe, more thought into your clothes.

Leilany:

You're not an unattractive guy, that's his biggest thing holding him back?

Kyle:

Is that his biggest thing holding him back? You think?

Leilany:

Yeah, I think so. I think he needs to take more care of himself. Okay.

Kyle:

Take it, take it, sit on it, leilani. What about me?

Leilany:

Goddamn.

Kyle:

What is my Weeva? You already said I'm a fucking asshole. Honestly, that's the only thing. I'm just an asshole.

Leilany:

Yeah, I think you just take it too far, where a woman cannot even get interested in the idea of you.

Kyle:

I say idea, you probably can't even have babies, bitch yeah, he'd be like.

Leilany:

I mean, first of all, that's the red flag for me immediately if you start referring to women as bitch, immediately I do say bitch a lot he loves to say bitch immediately. No, thank you nothing and like I'm gonna say, like I said before, kyle actually is my type. He's a big boy. I like my big boys and I like my big boys with beards.

Kyle:

Kyle got a beard In more ways than one. Oh okay, but the problem is you actually treat people like women specifically. I treat women bad.

Leilany:

Women don't want to be treated like garbage.

Kyle:

I treat women bad.

Leilany:

Yeah, you do, like I said earlier before we started you have some really pretty freaking eyes.

Kyle:

All right. So we both know our character flaws in trying to get women your personality needs to improve. Fashion Wardrobe.

Leilany:

Fashion that's the word Needs to improve.

Kyle:

Now is your time for rebuttal, Ryan. Okay, buddy, what are you? Because she's not Ryan. You better cook, Ryan. You better cook, dude. Like we said, she said August was the last time. It's not like she's fucking on the regular. You better cook, dude.

Leilany:

I swear to God I'm not going to lie. I could be on the regular, oh yeah.

Kyle:

Here we go, Ryan. How do you think she could get a man? Because she don't got a man. We go, Ryan. How do you think she could get a man? Because she don't got a man.

Ryan:

I'm not getting all laid on at all.

Leilany:

I'm talking about my rebuttal you wish you could get on me, go ahead.

Ryan:

Go ahead, Ryan. I would fuck you days and nights up. You wouldn't even know what the fuck you're doing. I want to hear your rebuttal. Go ahead, I would fuck you days and nights up. Why can't Leilani get a man? I just tell you how it is. I dress the way that I dress.

Kyle:

Come on man.

Ryan:

Don't defend it.

Leilany:

I want to dress the way that I want to dress.

Ryan:

I will say I don't give a fuck about mix-mashing, mashing anything like that.

Leilany:

If I'm looking at myself in my mirror, that's a name brand.

Ryan:

I don't give a fuck about name brands.

Leilany:

I don't this fucking shirt was off T-Mobile for like 10 bucks.

Ryan:

I got it. It's a nice shirt. Okay, you just got a parent, okay, so this built right.

Leilany:

My ex.

Ryan:

Nice, okay, the shoes.

Leilany:

I'm not out here trying to impress anybody out here in this fucking world. I mean, that's good that you're comfortable with yourself.

Ryan:

If a bitch wants to say something to me, she can say it to me.

Leilany:

He said bitch, he said bitch, I said bitch. That's why these two can't get to me. If a female, if a female, they be talking to every woman about bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

Ryan:

If a female wants to say something to me and come up to me, am I going to. That's fine, I don't give a fuck.

Leilany:

Okay, I don't care. You okay with that?

Ryan:

I'm okay with that. I didn't know there was so much fucking critiquing on my goddamn swag. Oh shit, he's upset.

Kyle:

I am.

Ryan:

I'm a little pressed about it.

Kyle:

It's fucked up.

Ryan:

She said I'm a dickhead, that's fine. You are a fucking asshole. Facts you are a dickhead and you have terrible fashion Shit.

Kyle:

Fuck you. That's fine. Look at this. I'm wearing fucking bullshit from Walmart, motherfucker.

Leilany:

I did say earlier, I like that Walmart shirt. You know what?

Ryan:

I do before I leave. Every single time I leave my apartment, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like I look fresh and I'm like I'm gonna run with it.

Kyle:

You have fucking body dysmorphia, motherfucker.

Ryan:

I do not, I'm bowlegged. That's the only fucking body smorgasbord I have. I'm bowlegged.

Leilany:

Are you?

Ryan:

bowlegged, I'm bowlegged, stand up, my feet stand up, stand up, brother.

Leilany:

I thought you did that on purpose.

Kyle:

Look at it, no, look at his feet.

Ryan:

Point out, they point out a little bit I think one of my legs is longer than the other one.

Leilany:

Wait, no, isn't that pigeon toed? Then You're pigeon toed, not bowlegged.

Ryan:

What the fuck is pigeon toed?

Leilany:

Pigeon Toad Pigeon.

Kyle:

Toad is when your feet stick out this way. No, Pigeon Toad is when they face in. Never mind when your feet face in is Pigeon.

Ryan:

Toad. What do you have? An overbite or an?

Kyle:

underbite.

Leilany:

Kyle plays chess. He knows what he's talking about.

Kyle:

Don't fucking talk Damn. Are you going to tear up your teeth? I swear to God, damn, he's going to tear. I swear to God, I swear to God.

Leilany:

Smile Kyle.

Kyle:

Ryan, you tell me things not to bring up every fucking week.

Ryan:

I've been talking about it. I didn't even know if you had an underbite or an overbite.

Kyle:

You tell me stuff to bring up, not bring up, every week, and I respect your wishes, I respect what you say and I don't usually bring them up.

Ryan:

I didn't know you were insecure about your teeth.

Kyle:

So don't bring that up, Well.

Leilany:

I will say I have always been insecure about my titties, and then that's why I got a beard.

Kyle:

They're small.

Leilany:

Yes, they are.

Kyle:

Small tits Badass. We got an audience in here.

Leilany:

What you think. My ass is fat, your ass is fat. Thank you, ryan, I appreciate it.

Kyle:

You're not supposed to compliment her. She didn't compliment either of us. She didn't compliment either of us.

Ryan:

She didn't at all.

Kyle:

We're supposed to work through why none of us have a boyfriend slash, girlfriend slash significant other.

Leilany:

I acknowledge that.

Kyle:

I appreciate it. Tell her what's wrong with her?

Leilany:

I have to pee so bad. I do too. I do too I do too, God.

Ryan:

No, we're chilling.

Leilany:

We're chilling, I can hold it Lon.

Ryan:

I did too, god. No, we're chilling.

Leilany:

I can hold it Lonnie. Oh Leilani, I'm sorry not Lonnie, thank you.

Ryan:

Lonnie, I think you won.

Leilany:

I am very aggressive as a woman. No, no, no, that's exactly.

Ryan:

Listen, kyle, how do I want to wear this so I don't get canceled. You act like a dude. Sometimes Blank that out, you can, sometimes no, no, I understand.

Leilany:

I am very aggressive as a woman. Sometimes I come off a little like masculine. That's a part of my personality and I and I've heard that before I know that about me and I've accepted it, so kind of like how you feel about your fashion, like that's the way I am. If you can't accept me like that, then you're not worth my time.

Kyle:

Okay, okay, is this the same thing I can?

Ryan:

tell you the same fucking thing If you don't accept me for my fucking fashion then it is what it is.

Leilany:

Buddy Kyle asked me my opinion. That's what was my opinion I did. If you want to keep doing, your thing, do your thing boo, that's your opinion. I've been saying it.

Kyle:

Because I mean, are you looking for like submissive men?

Leilany:

Hell no.

Ryan:

No, you are, you are them, you are them you are I like a man that can handle all this?

Kyle:

Handle all what.

Leilany:

Like me being a little edgy, a little crazy, whatever that's fine, but I've dealt with that for like three fucking years, but I'm too edgy and too crazy. Okay, I didn't say I want a man calling me a bitch.

Ryan:

No, nobody's going to be calling you a bitch, but what you just described was my ex-girlfriend from like three years and she had fat tits.

Kyle:

Big old ass. You know what?

Ryan:

I mean, I'm just being honest, I'm just being honest.

Leilany:

That was why I was so fucked up.

Kyle:

Had a girlfriend with fat tits who sucked your dick.

Ryan:

I didn't care about fucking, just shuck my dick.

Leilany:

You know what I mean. That's all you gotta do To be Ryan's Lady Ladies. What do you mean? Give me some time. You gotta suck your dick and you good.

Kyle:

See, we're different in that way, man. Why you make that?

Ryan:

noise Cause. That's the noise you make, nah, nah.

Leilany:

It's big like that. It's big like that. She was choking on it.

Ryan:

I don't know.

Kyle:

He said you wouldn't be able to breathe, bitch.

Leilany:

Woo, woo Ryan, what you got going on in that little body.

Ryan:

Whoa, Skinny little motherfuckers always lay the best pipe buddy.

Kyle:

Little skinny dudes? Usually no, but usually they're tall skinny.

Ryan:

Not little skinny, that's true, I'm 5'6".

Leilany:

I have dated some 6-foot dudes with very skinny bodies, micropenis.

Kyle:

And they had all that Micropenis.

Ryan:

Micropenis.

Kyle:

Millimeter Peter.

Ryan:

I said you talking about you dated guys with small dicks, hell, no.

Leilany:

I don't think I've ever seen a small dick in my life.

Ryan:

Three inches is too much Shut the fuck up, Ryan.

Kyle:

You like you trying to say it's pussy tight. I don't fucking know. Oh, my goodness, I don't know. Can we not? Can we not? You guys? What do you mean?

Leilany:

So you're comfortable with big dicks, but not tight pussies, are you gay?

Kyle:

No, I love tight stuff.

Leilany:

Stumbling dude Stumbling over the words dude Not this fucking dude clapping in the corner every five minutes.

Kyle:

Tight stuff feels good, right, Ryan?

Leilany:

Yeah, 100,000% buddy. Well, I think that's the first sign of calm I've seen here Shout out to our guests.

Kyle:

Yeah, fucking Christ, we got to get this bitch out of here.

Ryan:

I'm fucking with it. Why are you calling me a bitch? I'm fucking with it. Thank you, Ryan.

Leilany:

I'm fucking with it. You see, this is what I'm talking about. I don't like you because you are a fucking asshole.

Ryan:

I'm a fucking asshole. You're a fucking asshole.

Leilany:

I don't know how to fucking dress. I'm sorry, I'm a woman of color.

Ryan:

Leilani, do you want to hear some shit? So when I was growing up, I would go into my sister's room.

Leilany:

I'm scared.

Kyle:

Stop going to a dark place.

Leilany:

Stop going to a dark place. You're a little white boy. What am I supposed to do?

Kyle:

Wait, why are you going to the sister's bedroom?

Ryan:

To make sure my outfit matched.

Leilany:

Was she the only one in the whole house that had a mirror?

Ryan:

My mom wasn't there.

Kyle:

I got an older brother and younger sister. Oh, that's sad.

Leilany:

Where's your?

Ryan:

mom Working.

Leilany:

Working for the man. What do you?

Ryan:

mean Working for the man Working. What do you mean? I don't want you wanna get sad. I don't have a dad Rolling.

Kyle:

Everybody knows you don't have a dad, I don't have a dad. You do have one. He's dead.

Leilany:

He's dead, okay, okay. What was you saying?

Ryan:

I'm not trying to think about dead people, jesus man, you're always going to some fucking dark place, dude.

Kyle:

I see dead people.

Ryan:

I was trying to rebuttal off what Leilani said and I said whenever I would go in and get dressed I would go in my sister's room and say does my outfit match? Okay, and she would tell me yes or no. She fucking lied to you. Well, she would get me straight, but I ain't fucking lived there for like six years. Okay, okay, gotcha. It's been like six years, so I do it on my own now. Okay, I didn't know my swag up. I thought I was fucking dripping.

Leilany:

Look, if you ever need help, just text somebody your little mirror selfie.

Ryan:

Who the fuck am I going?

Kyle:

to text. Do you have my phone Text, leilani?

Leilany:

I don't think he has my number. I have your number, I don't no because we used to have an Epcot group chat, so you should have my number.

Ryan:

You probably got so mad at me. That was like three phones ago, I think you guys should start Well.

Kyle:

I also did have a girlfriend, you got three phones.

Ryan:

I also did have a girlfriend at that time, so I couldn't save anybody's number. I think you guys should start texting a lot more.

Kyle:

You should start talking a lot more.

Leilany:

What are you trying to make happen, Kyle?

Kyle:

And just hang out more.

Leilany:

Wait. So what is your issue with me? What is your?

Ryan:

Oh, my critique of you, Kyle's fucking he's, he's. My head is spinning. He's stuck in the dust.

Leilany:

I'm a lightweight. Sorry, I can't do it like these dudes.

Ryan:

What do you mean?

Leilany:

you're a lightweight Four shots of vodka. I'm done right now. End of one o'clock.

Kyle:

My critique of you. I'm spinning.

Leilany:

You know what's fucking funny, there's a tornado in this room.

Kyle:

Because I think you're You're kind of an asshole Really.

Leilany:

Yes, Okay, you say I'm an asshole. Tell me what I haven't done.

Kyle:

But you are also quite an asshole to me.

Leilany:

Are you just mad that you didn't sleep with me, that you didn't get to sleep with me? I'm sorry, see, I'm sorry, my words, fuck man. Are you mad that you didn't get to sleep with me?

Kyle:

No, no, no, no, no, no. Would I have slept with you the very first time I met you? Maybe?

Leilany:

Okay.

Kyle:

Now, no, now that I know you and we've talked, I know how your personality is.

Leilany:

I mean you have said you wanted to keep the bloodline pure.

Ryan:

I would contaminate that. You are not white enough, Kyle.

Leilany:

I am not white enough.

Ryan:

I am a very.

Leilany:

Hispanic woman. My mother is Puerto Rican. My dad is Panamanian.

Kyle:

Oh, good for you. Good for you. My mom is white, my dad is white.

Leilany:

Yep Immediately not your type.

Kyle:

No, but now that I've you just not. You're not what I want.

Leilany:

Okay, but like.

Kyle:

Go.

Ryan:

Elaborate.

Kyle:

You're fucking Way too aggressive Okay.

Leilany:

You come in.

Ryan:

That's what you love, though, dude. Yeah, but not like I. Like a. You wanna feist? Don't take this. You wanna feisty bitch Is what you want. Nah, I'm sorry.

Leilany:

Now Ryan's conscious About the whole bitch word. Want a feisty bitch. It's what you want, I'm sorry. Now Ryan's conscious about the whole bitch word. You want a feisty bitch, kyle? Okay, I get it. I am very feisty.

Kyle:

Right, but Leilani's not like that, because then she'll fucking almost bipolar, immediately switch to being like I need love, I don't want you. She'll be like fuck you, get away from me, and then be like wait, but fucking come here. Damn, how'd you see that in me. Like, either be one or the other. Be like, keep your distance and we can both do our own shit. Or you fucking, we're always like there. You should come to my orders. That's what you're saying but Leilani like throws it around, she like I'll fuck up your brain.

Kyle:

You're like a fucking yeah. You're like transitioning.

Ryan:

You're like one, whoa, whoa, whoa, transitioning what?

Kyle:

does that mean no, but she's like Fuck no.

Leilany:

I don't got no dick.

Kyle:

One day I One day, one day I feel like this, and then I feel like this, and then I feel like this. It's like Always changing. I can't, I can't handle your unpredictability, kyle.

Ryan:

Kyle. Kyle, Do you know what I mean?

Kyle:

Kyle, I'm going to tell you I want steady.

Ryan:

No bitch. There's no stability in females now.

Leilany:

You want a predictable woman. Is that what that is?

Ryan:

No, I just want them to act the way that Kyle wants them to act. That sounds predictable.

Kyle:

Act right bitch. Exactly, exactly, no is Act right bitch, exactly, exactly, no, but like be the same.

Leilany:

Where's the fun in that?

Ryan:

Kyle wants you to meet his mom and he just snaps at you.

Kyle:

Come here.

Leilany:

Come here, come here, bring me a drink. And he just snaps at you.

Ryan:

Bitch, I ain't no fucking dog, Get the fuck out of here.

Kyle:

No, but then that's the thing. It's like, apparently, all fucking every single woman is a crazy.

Leilany:

They're all crazy, we are all crazy, they're all crazy.

Kyle:

It's like they're all motherfucking bipolar and shit like that.

Leilany:

So whether it's stay syndical or figure it out.

Kyle:

Okay, I'll just say at this point in my life I don't think I can handle the ups and downs of having like a woman companion.

Leilany:

Do you guys plan to get married either of you?

Ryan:

I am going woman companion. Do you guys plan to get married? Either of you I do. I want kids.

Leilany:

I want like fucking five kids, I just want to fuck around right now, which is fine. Y'all are much younger than me.

Kyle:

How old are you? 27. I'm a lover boy, damn. I want a relationship, man.

Ryan:

I'll be 25 in September. Damn, I'm sorry, alright.

Kyle:

Leilani, thank you for being a guest on this show.

Leilany:

Yes, sir.

Kyle:

I don't know how good it was or what the fuck we talked about.

Leilany:

Wait, do you want?

Kyle:

to know. I hope we worked through some stuff with Ryan. What about me? We didn't really work through anything. But, with Ryan. I think we made progress. So check us out. What the fuck is this YouTube Instagram? You know what we don't want you guys to do. Listen to it on Spotify. Go listen to it on Apple Music or Apple Podcasts.

Leilany:

Sorry, I listen to it on Spotify.

Kyle:

Because there you can review it. Thumbs up, rate it, you can review it on Spotify Go listen to it there. If you have an Android, go on Apple Podcasts. You can get on Apple Podcasts on Android. I'm sure you can do something.

Leilany:

They got everything figured out. They got a fucking Apple Play Store. They're years ahead. Look, I will defend Spotify until the day I die.

Ryan:

No, we're saying Spotify is good, I love.

Leilany:

Spotify YouTube.

Kyle:

If you don't click on the fucking link tree, it's going to be Newest Low's One Word on YouTube. It'll pop up. Listen to the fucking thing or I'll fucking kill you. We miss you, goomba Bye.

Ryan:

Carlos.

Kyle:

Bye Goomba we hope you get well. We know you're very sick right now. There he is, goodbye, bye.