Newest Lows

Episode 9: New Kyle

• Newest Lows • Episode 9

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Ever wonder why some people seem to be mosquito magnets while others remain bite-free? Goomba's got some hilarious theories about blood types and those relentless Florida mosquitoes, all while sharing his adventures from attending his brother-in-law's high school graduation and fishing in the Everglades.

From Kyle's transformation from a ripped gym-goer to a more relaxed persona, to Ryan's unexpected casino win and encounter with baseball player Hanley Ramirez, this episode is packed with personal anecdotes and laughter. 

We don't hold back on bold statements and hypothetical scenarios, whether we're discussing masculinity, sexuality, or the fine art of road rage. With heartfelt moments about personal growth, self-love, and the quirks of everyday life, this episode promises to be a genuine and humorous journey through the ups and downs of friendship and personal transformation.

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Goomba Returns

Kyle

Walking in to another episode, the Goomba is back.

Carlos

I'm here.

Kyle

Forgot, I missed last week. Cheers, buddy, cheers are hard sodas. All right, goomba's back, you were gone.

Carlos

Yeah, you guys said I was like in a water aerobics class or something. Yeah, you were doing something weird.

Kyle

I wasn't doing that. Enlighten the listeners. What were you doing? That was so much more important than this fucking podcast my little brother-in-law graduated high school.

Carlos

Yay, congrats, man. Yeah, hung out with the fam, went fishing. Didn't catch shit, caught more than what you have caught. You've gone fishing probably like six times and and I've gone about five catfish. Yeah, that doesn't count.

Kyle

There's just a couple of Florida boys talking back and forth about catching catfish, oh shit. Fishing in the Everglades, oh yeah.

Carlos

What do they?

Kyle

call that Alligator Alley.

Carlos

Yeah, that's literally what they call it Fucking pussy. We all drove through there, yeah. Dude mosquitoes down there gnarly during the day.

Kyle

That's why I shouldn't I for real shouldn't live in florida. Mosquitoes are fucking crazy, like something I'm like, like what the fuck do they like? Because they fucking love me. I think it's your blood type.

Carlos

What kind of blood do you have? I'm pretty sure o positive is like susceptible to more mosquitoes. Those little fucking rats are that smart, they know what fucking blood type you have. No, not rats, mosquitoes, same fucking thing yeah, they smell you.

Kyle

That's how they fucking find you and bite the shit out of you because but I get fucked up every single time I'm outside. Do you know your blood type?

Carlos

red, white and blue. Motherfucker, is your flag upside down right now what?

Kyle

no man, I came in here. You know what I'm doing. What's that? I'm coming in here before you guys start with your fucking bullshit. I'm coming in here with only positive, a positive attitude, positive vibes oh really, for the first time I've ever, everybody says I'm an asshole.

Kyle

I'm only coming in positive, you're changing, I'm gonna. I'm gonna change. I'm on a journey right now to change how I act around you guys, how I treat you guys. I know I make you feel bad sometimes, apparently. Well, we're not, we're not women, so but I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna try to do that and change for you guys when, when are you starting that?

Carlos

Right now, as of right now? Yes, did the last pod really put your attitude in perspective? No, I just think it would be good for me, because every woman that talks to you says that you're a fucking dickhead. Well, I mean, leilani said it like 50 times last to each his own.

Kyle

To each his own. Maybe girls like a nice guy. I thought I was a nice guy, but apparently I'm not, so now I have to change yeah tell me more about your fishing. That sounds very cool. Well, you've gone fishing too a couple times. Sure, I'm not a big fishing guy, but yeah, like northern fishing, alaska fishing, you've been fishing in alaska. I have been in alaska.

Carlos

Yeah, it was fucking sick kind of fishy you catch up there halibut salmon fat fish, big old motherfuckers yeah yeah, I was peeping your instagram you looked at my instagram. I was creeping. I was looking at old Kyle, I was like damn, that's another thing.

Kyle

I'm going to fucking become very popular on Instagram. You think so Because I'm going to. I've been in very good shape in my life. I'm going to get back in very good shape and document the entire thing on Instagram and become an influencer.

Carlos

Is that right.

Kyle

Fitness influencer.

Toilet Talks and Instagram Fails

Carlos

Look at this guy Shut the fuck up. Look at that. Look at that, Kyle dude, you're ripped.

Kyle

I don't like looking at these guys. Dude, you were fucking hot.

Carlos

What happened, dude? If you look like that, you could be an asshole. See that tricep Shit, dude. Why does your mouth look like that? You literally took a picture of your bicep just flexed. That's called a tricep man. You're a tool, dude. I want, I will. You were one of those douchebags back in the day, though.

Kyle

Dude, I'm going to have 100,000 followers on Instagram if I document this journey.

Carlos

You want to be the next Bradley Martin.

Kyle

I could be. We'll just see how far I can go. Oh shit.

Carlos

That's a good fucking picture. I like that picture. Oh, now we're on Ryan's fucking.

Kyle

Instagram oh, look at that.

Carlos

Look at that boy cashed out. How much did you win right there. Look at that. Look at that boy cashed out. How much did you win right there, like 350. 350?

Kyle

350. Hell yeah, you put that on your Instagram.

Carlos

What was the caption?

Kyle

I think I put a wolf that looks like a horse. It's a wolf.

Carlos

That's a wolf Damn.

Kyle

I'm swagged the fuck out bitch Big Slots guy why you wear your hat so fucking high on your head like that Me, no, Ryan.

Carlos

In that fucking picture. Oh, in that picture I like wearing it like that. See my Instagram's more.

Kyle

Who's that big black guy you're standing next to?

Carlos

Hanley Ramirez. Hanley Ramirez, man, who the fuck is that? He's a professional baseball player. He's a Red Sox legend. I kind of saw him randomly at Best Buy.

Kyle

Very cool. Yeah, tell me more about that. What is up with you, man? I'm just trying to fucking come in.

Carlos

I don't like positive Kyle. I don't like Teddy Bear Kyle either.

Kyle

Call me a bitch. Why would I say something like that to you? You call everyone that you guys are my friends.

Carlos

Why would I treat you that way? Oh, so we're your friends. We're going to have to stop being friends if you keep acting like this. Yeah, that's weird man. Don't do that. What have you guys been up?

Kyle

to this week.

Carlos

I've been with you every single fucking day this week, cocksucker. Yeah, Ryan was telling me that you guys shared the same blanket and watched some or something. I wanted to. No, this motherfucker took the fucking good room. He made five of us share a fucking bathroom and a shower.

Kyle

Did you let anyone use your bathroom? Yeah, I said, everybody could use my bathroom.

Carlos

I used it once. To do what? Take a shower. What'd he do in there? Took a shit and took a shower. Shit the shower.

Kyle

Yeah, he was in there for like fucking two hours, so it holds true then it's like Jesus.

Carlos

Christ, you shit the shower. I shit the shower, damn. So you had Ryan's shit All on your floor. No, I broke Kyle's toilet and he didn't even shit in it. Yet I took the first shit in it. Yeah, you let him shit in your Toilet first. That's what I do. No then Kyle fucking ordered us. It was good. Some fucking Was it Kabuca, bubba Koo's, bubba Koo's Burritos and I was fucking dying. Both of us were dying. Oh, it fucked you up Bad.

Kyle

Yeah, it was fucked up. Hey, the workers. I love the workers there. I love all those people. They're nice. The food is. As I was eating it I was like this is going to fucking give me diarrhea for sure. They have like weird. They have like a garlic Parmesan chicken burrito Interesting.

Carlos

It's like I feel like that shouldn't go together.

ryan

Is that the one you got?

Kyle

And it was fucked up. I woke up at like three 30 in the morning and sat on the toilet for an hour Cause I was like, holy fuck, I like went and laid back down. You get like the sharp pain. You're like it's not over yet. Fuck, just let the floodgates open.

ryan

It's not fucking over.

Carlos

What'd you do, ryan, after that food? Yeah, I shit at the Airbnb and then I shit twice at the job. Damn Holy fuck.

Kyle

Yo, any job that we're on, the bathrooms are destroyed. Ryan single-handedly destroys every single bathroom we come in contact with, oh easily. Yeah, good, good for you, man. You remember that one?

Carlos

I appreciate it. That one job we were on and those ladies walked in on you yeah, they were taking a shit they opened the door. That was the Daytona Beach one. They opened the door on me just fucking blowing up a bathroom.

Kyle

On like a fucking day. He was just fucking blowing up a bathroom. Well, they have like Pins down and all.

Carlos

No, no, jimmy did open. They have like a little code thing when you can open it up. And I locked it and they put the code in and they opened it up. My pants were on my ankles Like oh, who is it?

Kyle

Well, that doesn't seem like. That doesn't seem like A very good lock If, even if you knew the code, went in and locked it.

Carlos

Well, no, no. Shitting in the women's bathroom too. It was bad. I had to go. It was because it's the fucking women's course it was a golf course it's the LPGA.

Kyle

It's all just women out there Just shitting on a private golf course. No, but I'm saying why the fuck would you make it, even if you knew the code? Yeah, even if it was locked To go in there you were a member there, went in with the code in again and it would be unlocked yeah, they open in like five seconds yeah, it's a very. That's not a good lock.

Carlos

Ryan was like hey yeah, that doesn't make much sense. No, I think you should. They probably you could see. It says like bacon or no non-vegan or something that's port-a-potty, so port-a-johns, carlos, but I feel like they would have the same kind of thing I've never heard port-a-johns. I just started hearing that that was never a term, he just started using that word, a term in my vocabulary.

Kyle

You love shitting in port-a-potties. You have to do what you have to do sometimes. I've never won shat in a port-a-potty.

Carlos

How many times a day do you think you shit? Three, really, I feel like it should be more. Three, I feel like it should be more Three.

Kyle

I feel like you shit a lot. I do. I think is it twice a day is healthy.

Carlos

Is it once Depends on how healthy the shit is, though. Well, this motherfucker Kyle. Last week he was fucking dying. He's like bro, I gotta go. Dude is fucking coming to wave me and I'm not going. You were shitting all last week. No, he held it, it was on strong.

Kyle

Why do you do that? Our very first day out there I told you I will fucking die before I shit in the public. In a public you're gonna get a hernia and I did. I suffered for three and a half hours probably. Why do you do that? I felt, like I couldn't move. It was like waves. They're just coming and going.

Kyle

I was like dude, I thought I was thinking about going like for real, out into the woods. I'd rather shit out there than in a fucking public restroom. What's your problem? I don't know. I just don't like it.

Carlos

Normally you like touching men's ass.

Kyle

I'm trying to stay positive here. But you do continue to spread a vicious rumor about me that other people are hearing and think it.

Carlos

I don't know, man, because every time someone asks you if you like women or puss or something, you stumble over your words. They feel so good Late on, he's like you like type pussy and you're like.

Kyle

Yeah, we all like type pussy, right guys Feels good, Exactly.

ryan

That stuff feels so good, exactly.

Kyle

You get to fucking squeeze their fucking bums.

Carlos

Mmm, all right. Watch too many videos, that stuff feels good. Tell me I'm fucking vulgar Dude.

Kyle

Did you see? Fucking Trump is getting convicted.

Carlos

30, 34 felony counts.

Kyle

That's wild. My fucking, fucking, my messiah is getting convicted.

Carlos

My leader can you be a felon and still run for president?

Kyle

no, no no, I don't think, you think he's gonna. There's no way he does like actual jail time no, with 34, you crazy he'll just go in and take a picture again.

Carlos

Well, there's absolutely.

Kyle

I feel like it's just tying him up in court right now, because now he's going to have to appeal it and do another trial with a different judge. They're just tying him up in court so he fucking can't run for president. That would make sense. Those fucking lib fucks. Nope, I'm sorry, positive, calm it down, kyle, calm it down, kyle, calm down, buddy. I respect everybody's right to choose whatever fucking political party you want to be a part of. I did see a video, though, of like a house camera, like a nanny cam inside, and it was this lady who was watching, like the uh, the verdict. And as soon as it got it came out that he was convicted on all 34. She fucking freaked out. I was like fuck you, motherfucker, yes, oh shit. She was like texting on her phone like voice text, like trump got convicted, fuck him.

Carlos

Like sending it to like all her contacts like dude, that's wild, these fucking people are going nuts I just I don't like I mean that's opposite than what I'm about to say, but like, like Trumpers make it their personality, like it's like their life no it's a lifestyle.

Kyle

Yeah, so it's a lifestyle Dude. I honestly didn't follow any of it.

Carlos

I don't even know why he's on trial. No, I don't either that in the last campaign?

Kyle

Yeah, because he gave.

Carlos

Stormy Daniels or something hush money after they said that she's a whore, she's a porn star, yeah, and she, apparently she didn't even want to go to trial. They just Federally, they just did it.

Kyle

I've said it before I support sex work. I'm sure you do, so does Ryan, apparently I do. We're not smart enough to understand that trial or what's going on.

we don't understand

Carlos

Yeah, that's above our head, yeah we already know it's not going to affect us at all.

Kyle

Ryan's going to vote for Biden. We know this. No the fuck, I am not.

Carlos

Daddy Biden. Nope, are you voting this year? I am you can't say you're going to vote for it, it'll void the ticket I voted in 2020. I told you guys this I'm a registered voter in the state of Florida, nice Republican Party.

Kyle

You're a.

ryan

Republican yeah.

Kyle

I think I technically am now. You had to. I had to put it on my what is it?

Carlos

independent my DMV shit you can do both. Yeah, but I'm Republican Party. Yeah, you would fit in the Republican Party. I went to one of them. Was it fucking lit Hell?

ryan

yeah, it was lit. Hell yeah, dude, everyone was like real tired.

Kyle

This was in Florida, Carlos, not fucking Alabama, that doesn't matter you ever see Trump go to I think it was India where it's like a sea of fucking Indian people, indian dudes, just fuck. Yeah, they fucking love Trump dude it. I love Trump dude. It was like a fucking full-on music festival concert.

Carlos

Other countries love Trump. They love him, dude, like Cubans, puerto Ricans, they love him. I fucking hate Cubans and Puerto Ricans.

Kyle

I'm sorry Ryan. What Be nice man, Dude. I'm trying to turn this into a family-friendly, positive podcast, oh you are.

Carlos

Shut the fuck up. We're falling to your detriment already. We need to be more inclusive.

Kyle

We need to bring on guests of different, maybe more open-minded. Yes, you, you do why is that? You're a very close-minded person no I don't mean that as an attack, I'm saying this to you.

Carlos

He's saying it positively yeah he's gonna watch his words.

Kyle

He's gonna bite his words now as a constructive criticism. You're very close minded. No, I am not that's, but that's just how I feel why do you say that I don't? What brings you to that, that statement? I just think Ryan is very set in his ways oh, he is you're saying this to me. I am. You're fucked.

Carlos

Ryan is very set in his ways. Oh, he is. You're saying this to me. I am. You're fucked. Ryan, have you changed your fashion since you were suggested to you look better today? Yeah, I told them. I said I took it easy. Today Does my outfit look fucking better Because apparently I don't know how to fucking dress.

Kyle

It does, Well, and fuck that Talking speaking fuck that Speaking of fashion.

ryan

I apologize.

Kyle

Sorry, we're cussing. Yeah, me and Carlos are wearing the same outfit we wore a couple episodes ago. Yeah this wasn't planned. Let me fucking be free, man. I don't have a fucking big wardrobe like that. I didn't spend a ton of money on clothes like one of us in here. One of us yeah Me spend a ton of money on clothes.

Carlos

Like one of us in here, one of us, yeah Me, I love spending money on clothes.

Kyle

I don't wear a lot of different clothes. You know what it's called, Kyle. You know why? Because I grew out of a lot of it.

Carlos

Jesus.

Kyle

But I save them. I'm saving them for my fucking journey back into being the For your comeback.

Carlos

I could still fit in this shit when I was like 16. Like all my old polo shit and all that. Are you like the same size? Yeah, Jesus man.

Kyle

No, I save all of it. 90% of my closet is shit I can't fit anymore. But I see it and I'll go through and I'm like I'll be back.

Carlos

I'll wear that again. Can you wear a tight shirt for us one day, I guess? Wait, that shirt isn't tight.

Kyle

This one it's stretchy. Oh yeah, it is. That's the fat guy. You just gotta wear stretchy shit stretchy pants.

Carlos

Well, this is stretchy. You're not fat. You're not a fat guy, I'm skinny guy.

Kyle

That's what we said that's funny, though, cause you like you don't match that trope of like every, every chick. You're always like, oh, the skinny guy's got the biggest dicks. This, but not not you. When the fuck have I ever said that? I'm saying girls say that, they say wow, you gotta give the like the nerdy little skinny guy a chance, cause they got big fucking dongers.

Carlos

That was mentioned on the last pod, though but you don't got that you said you did to each his own. My brother, you love talking about your dick. You do bring that up. A lot about what?

Kyle

about your dick. It's like speaking to a fucker. It's like speaking to a fucker. I'm sorry, I thought you were trying to be, nicer speaking to a fucker.

ryan

I'm sorry, buddy. He was gonna say it's like speaking to a fucking wall that's fine, a brick one you know what my mom used to say to me.

Kyle

I would like stand in front of her while she was trying to watch TV, tv, and she was like you make a better wall than a window, damn.

Carlos

Your mom used to roast. You like that.

Kyle

I'd be like where are we going? I'd ask her a few times when are we going? We're going crazy, but never tell me where the fuck we were going. It would make me so mad I see where you get it from I'm going to fucking kill you bitch, Would you?

Carlos

say you have your mom's personality.

Kyle

My mom's. I look like my mom a lot. Yeah, she's a beautiful lady, then it's the eyes dude. I appreciate that.

Carlos

It's the eyes. We heard about that. We heard about Kyle, me and Ryan both got very stellar compliments.

Kyle

Did you Earlier this week?

Gas Station Encounter and IQ Test

Carlos

did you? That was a good compliment, but it's the first one I've had in a while. In a while, what'd they say? She told me I was very hot after looking at my ID who was it?

Kyle

we were buying beer. She looked at her ID and said, ooh, he's hot right in front of us is that right?

ryan

was she hot?

Carlos

I'm trying to just think of a way to describe her. You dumbfounded Alright, alright. Defensive lineman For the New York Giants, jesus.

Kyle

She might have been Bigger than that. I think she might have Been bigger than that.

Carlos

She ended on the O-line then. So wait, take us through it. What happened? Buying beer. So you went to the gas station. I was buying beer. She asked me for my ID. I handed her my ID. I got a sideways ID. She turned to sideways and she said Ooh, he's hot, is that right? I said, oh, fuck. I said yeah, the picture's a couple of years old, you know. I said. She said, ooh, let me hand this back to you. I got let me contain myself. No way, oh God, wasn't, wasn't Kyle with you. Kyle was with me. But a retard, damn kyle, what'd you do?

Kyle

I do have a hard time sitting in those type of situations and being present, because the only thing I want to do is get the fuck out of this situation. I had my hat on. She was like staring at me jesus, my fucking nose is running. She was staring at me and I looked at her and she was like why you? Why are you wearing a hat? I was like your eyes are so pretty. I'm like oh, my God, you got such pretty eyes, why are you hiding them like that? And I was like I don't know, it was a long drive.

Carlos

So you're telling me she was bigger than you and Kyle put together?

Kyle

Easily. I'm a big guy. She's bigger than me, height-wise and girth yeah she was tall as fuck, damn.

Carlos

I'm sure she was a very lovely lady, she was a nice lady, but goddamn, fuck me to tears. I don't know about that. She would. She would fuck you to tears, wouldn't she?

ryan

Don't you want to get?

Carlos

suffocated from a bitch like that, ryan would have died. Dude, it's like the racetrack we go to.

Kyle

Out here.

Carlos

Yep, there's that tall Female worker up there. She fucking loves my ass, dude.

ryan

Yeah.

Kyle

You wonder why. Why don't you like them? You like that. You like the old Crackhead looking one, though you always Chopping up with her.

Carlos

Yeah, it's cause they're both white.

ryan

She called me her Fucking boo bear that shit was so weird, she calls you boo bear.

Carlos

She calls me her boo bear.

Kyle

I've been in there with you a couple times and we've walked out I was like damn, you're like chatty in there, you're like a little chatty fucking girl in there.

Carlos

A little chatty cat.

Kyle

Talking to all these fucking weird ass. Ladies working at a racetrack Is that where you pull.

Carlos

I'm just a nice guy, dude. It seems like someone, there's a type that likes you.

Kyle

Yeah, you get really in-depth and like personal. No, I do not. Yeah, you talk like you talk to them like you gossip about shit shut the fuck up.

ryan

Shut the fuck up like a gossip dare I say, box lady yeah, cardboard lady, there is a I did, I did.

Kyle

yeah, you did, I did that. Yeah, you do always want that. You want the homeless and or crackhead heroin head to be the same ones. You don't want a revolving door of those guys, you want the same ones. They kind of integrate into the economy. Everybody knows them. They're not. You don't fuck with them, but they're not going to fuck with you. That's who he fucks with, but Ryan fucks with that. No, no, didn't you hit her, didn't you hit her?

ryan

in the car.

Kyle

Hey who, I was joking. We can't talk about that.

ryan

You're just going to get kidnapped one day.

Carlos

I already got kidnapped, buddy. You've been kidnapped before Daytona Bike Week 2018. Damn.

ryan

That was the exact date. It was like Normandy Dude, it was like my fucking Remember.

Carlos

Dude, it was like my fourth day in Daytona. At this point I had just moved there. It was Ryan's D-Day.

Kyle

How old were you?

Carlos

18. You're 18 years old, in Daytona Just a weekend? No, I had an apartment down there, yeah, but you're a weekend to living in Daytona? Yeah, no, not even. We played like four days.

Carlos

And what happened? It's me and two of my boys. I got too fucked up. They were driving my car in my fucking Malibu. I stormed off, see, I was going to go find my car.

Carlos

I ended up on a bridge and the last thing I remember is walking past a group of bikers and they said something to me. I told them to suck my dick and then I woke up in the hood at a gas station. My braces were all fucked up, sticking out of my mouth and shit. Like the gas station workers were there like trying to call the cops and shit. And like I had to buy a charger and plug my phone in no way. Hell, yeah, I had up in a retention pond, like on the grass of a retention pond, with a fence around it.

Carlos

Alright, well, that's a lot to process, alright. So you were walking, okay, your boys took your car? No, no, no, they had my keys. They were still at the club. I left the club. I don't know what the fuck happened. And and he walked by these bikers and they said something to me and I told him to suck my dick and that's the last thing you remember until I woke up in a retention pond, like on the grass of a retention pond, in like a fenced in area.

Carlos

Jesus man didn't you say? You got back to your crib and all your boys were there. They were just sitting on my couch and I walked in. What the fuck? Where have you been?

ryan

I don't fucking know.

Carlos

They stomped on your braces, they stomped on your face, something like that. Yeah, did they steal anything? No, I stole my wallet, my phone. I didn't have my keys because they had my keys. Well, at least they were cool about it. They just beat your ass and left you. They just beat my ass and left me on some grass, you still had your shoes on your feet. Yeah, I had everything.

Kyle

Damn, that's the biker way, man they have morals those bikers are they? Do they have a fucking code? Well, I don't know why I told them to suck my dick.

Carlos

I think I was mad because my boys couldn't find me.

Kyle

First thing I said suck my fucking dick yeah, you do that sometimes you do tell everyone to suck your dick you pop off a lot on things like you won't even hear what somebody says and you'll be like fuck you.

Carlos

Yeah, you'll pop off. I feel like you do pop off pretty often, unlike strangers.

ryan

Yeah.

Kyle

Do you think it has something to do with your low IQ? And now that's not me coming at you. Are you being positive?

Carlos

He's not being positive, it is.

Kyle

You took the test. We saw the results. Kyle took the test. It is objectively low. What'd you score?

Carlos

One point above mental retardation.

Kyle

For real On the national IQ scale.

Carlos

Hold up, wait, what did you get? 76. That's for children.

ryan

This is for adults, it's not children.

Carlos

He's this is for I'm 24. I'm 24 years old. This is for adults, it's not children. He's trying to help you out, man, you're still very low.

Kyle

Yeah, 70 to 75.

Carlos

Yeah, no, it said 76 to 79 Was just above mental retardation. 70 to 75 Was mental retardation.

Kyle

Your borderline mental disability.

Carlos

That's literally what it says. Oh, borderline.

ryan

Damn your borderline, damn You're borderline.

Carlos

That's fucked. No, that's awesome. Did you actually try on the test or were you just trying to click on any answer? I tried, I did, I did and you scored a 76. I scored a 76. Well, the questions were fucked. Dude, those are hard. Did you take the test too, kyle?

ryan

Yeah, he didn't pay for it. Kyle probably scored a fucking 25.

Carlos

So, you had to pay for them, to tell you that it was $2.

Kyle

Granted. Yeah, it was just a random online test, but even on mine it's all weird pattern recognition shit.

Carlos

That's all it was. It's like does the horse have three or four legs, or something like that? No, no, no.

Kyle

It's like throw shapes like patterns, like six different pictures, and they're all like flipped weirdly and P and pieces taken out.

Carlos

It kind of was like Tetris a little bit.

Kyle

Yeah, and then you're supposed to like, then they'll show you a different angle of the picture and you match like whatever's missing I can see that being pretty confusing.

Carlos

It was hard. Yeah, it was, it was. It was 50 questions, five different segments, 10 questions a segment. Yeah, that's too much, man not 70, what'd you get?

Kyle

76?

Carlos

yeah, it wasn't that hard so where's your fucking results at then? Well, didn't we have another guy that tested and he scored like a 110 yeah, guy tested right after you. He's more fucked than I am. He's more retarded than I am not according to the standard IQ.

Kyle

Yeah, it said he wasn't. But at least now you do always talk about trying to get a fucking handicap placard, you might be able to get one.

Carlos

You were just one question too good, damn.

ryan

You could have got disability. I was close.

Carlos

You could have just fucking, but no, I, I was close, I was fucking close. I was telling Kyle that because we kept driving in all these handicapped spots, there's fucking Chargers there, mercedes there. I'm like why the fuck can I park my Kia in there? Because you're not handicapped. I can be handicapped, you're almost handicapped, but you ain't there yet.

Kyle

You fully tried. You didn't even have to bomb the test. You fully tried and you almost got the handicap. I gave it 110% effort.

Carlos

Maybe you should. I know I haven't even told my mom about that yet. Why would you See what she has to say? You told everyone else and you didn't like that. I should have just taken that one to the grave.

Kyle

Yeah, if I scored that low on IQ. I'm not telling my mom why she thinks I'm a fucking little smart, handsome man.

Carlos

My mom knows I'm fucked. She doesn't think you're smart or handsome. She knows I can.

ryan

I can make it work, I guess no, I'm no, no, no, get the fuck out of here. Wait, wait, wait. You said that wrong.

Carlos

You know that your mom can. She knows you can make it work. Yeah, I'm talking'm talking about life, motherfucker. Alright, thanks for being clear.

Kyle

Yeah, you gotta explain those things. It sounded very strange. Yeah, they sound weird.

Carlos

man, I'm talking about my mom. Kyle, Get your fucking mind out of the gutter. You're supposed to be in a positive attitude here.

Kyle

Positive Kyle, you'd be surprised how many parents touch their kids, whoa, and how many kids touch their parents.

ryan

Whoa.

Kyle

It's true, that's a dark place. It's very dark, it's not funny. It's not funny, it's not funny, that should not be joked about. I've always had that thought Like dude, what the fuck Like? You never know until you've already had your baby girl.

Carlos

Dude, do not bring her into this. Do not Dude.

Kyle

No, Don't bring my daughter into this. There's no funny business going on, no but you never know until you have a child. That's all I'm saying. So how the fuck can we move on? Sure we can move on. How?

Carlos

the fuck, do you know?

Kyle

nobody knows until they have a child. But you're speaking like you know about what I know the statistics.

Autistic Claims

Carlos

I'm a van. He's a fucking connoisseur. I told you he's a fucking connoisseur. He's always. I don't think that's the right word man, I've seen documentaries. Condescending. No, he's a connoisseur Of what the weirdest fucking shit in the world. Is there a Reddit poll about this? A Reddit page.

Kyle

No see, there's all types of shit.

Carlos

Why the fuck are you watching documentaries about this?

Kyle

There's documentaries on everything. I've fucking watched a documentary about fucking hundreds of dolphins getting murdered in Japan. I did see clips from that one. That was fucked up.

Carlos

That was fucked. You know, what I saw today was of them cornering whales and them dragging them to the beach and killing them so they can take their meat. Jesus, yeah, bro, those.

Kyle

Japanese are fucked up. Was it Japanese Jesus?

ryan

Yeah, bro, those Japanese are fucked up. Was it Japanese? Yeah, yeah, it was a Rogan clip.

Carlos

It was a Rogan clip. He was on there and he brought some whale meat to him and Rogan's like I'm not eating that shit.

Kyle

Yeah, dude, it's fucking wild. I can't remember. It's not Blackfish, it was a documentary that got fucking. There's a dude trying to film this. They have a cove in fucking japan, yeah, where they would just have all these dolphins come in.

ryan

they'd block it off and they'd literally go out there with spears, yes, and just fucking kill all of these dolphins?

Kyle

the entire fucking ocean would be red with their blood. God damn, what are these dogs doing out there?

Carlos

dolphin soup yeah, dolphins have pretty high iqs actually apparently they're very smart.

Kyle

I don't know how we know this, but apparently they're smart. Yeah, I just re-watched all the planet of the apes, all the planet of the apes, the three of them did you see the new? One before I see the new one. I haven't seen it yet, but they're, they're smart in that movie. They're very smart do you think?

Carlos

if we got a chimp and Ryan put them in a room together, who do you think would win?

Kyle

Ryan's not winning.

Carlos

I'm fucking that chimp what.

Kyle

How big though Ryan-sized A Ryan-sized chimp Dude. Those things are strong, strong as fuck yeah bro. Yeah, everyone's getting fucked up first I wouldn't. I wouldn't handle if I wouldn't be able to handle a chimp ryan size no, no, I don't think anyone can that fucking lady got her face ripped off for not giving that one a fucking piece of birthday cake or something. Oh yeah, that's true. That's true. Remember that horrific fucking call I was thinking more.

Carlos

I was thinking more mental, though you think a fucking, a fucking chimp is smarter than me. That's what I'm asking.

Kyle

Mentally.

Carlos

You think if they both had shapes and shit they had to put together, Well, in that movie they give the chimps the apes.

Kyle

It's called Jacob's Ladder or whatever. It's like three pegs with four different size stacks. You're supposed to move that full stack from biggest to smallest to the other side, but you can't stack a bigger one on top of a smaller one. Right, right, and apparently I don't think Ryan would be able to solve it.

Carlos

I don't think. So what do you think, Ryan? What the fuck is up with you guys' ass today? Nothing. We're being positive.

Kyle

Yeah, we're being positive, we're trying to help you out.

Carlos

Help me out with what we're just trying to figure this out, if I'm smarter than a fucking chimp.

Kyle

I want you to get some fucking social security money coming through for your retardation.

Carlos

We're trying to reap you benefits. I don't think you really make any money from being fucking disabled you do you get some money from the government? Yeah, check, fucking disabled.

Kyle

You do you get some money from the government? Get checked Parade of rent? No, I don't think so.

Carlos

You might have to move in with your mom again.

Kyle

You get to park closer to Publix, don't have to walk as far. Oh, that's fucking pretty cool. That is pretty cool.

Carlos

Just whooping the Kia. Can they drive? Some of them can drive.

Kyle

yes, you kyle with the goddamn thing in them. You think so for sure. Well, the whole thing now is like fucking god damn it. It's women I don't say bitches, it's women just coming out saying they're autistic because they're dickheads. You talking about the crazy carrots? Oh I just I got diagnosed as autistic. That's why I'm a fucking dickhead.

Carlos

Oh, they're using it as an excuse. Why are you saying they say bitch or cunt, you say dickhead about dudes. Why are you?

ryan

calling them women.

Kyle

No dude, no dude, they're just like. They just do like all this fuck shit of being like I'm having an episode I've seen reels on on instagram. They like make their husband go and get them shit when they're having a weird autistic episode. So you're just lying, dumb woman.

Carlos

You fucking dumb woman yo kyle's about to have an aneurysm, but I think dudes are doing it too, Like why is everybody claiming autism right now? I told you I would claim it if I could, but I can't. I think you can. You would be yeah, you're right up there. Yeah, and you wouldn't even be, it would be true. Or down up there, whichever. Right up there, right down there? Remember that one time when we and uh, I don't know what we were talking about, but that came up and you're like I got an extra chromosome.

Kyle

I did. I thought that was a guy.

Carlos

That was a good thing. That means, you have down syndrome.

Kyle

Yeah, you thought that's made you sound smarter. I did saying that you had an extra chromosome I did.

Carlos

That's not right. You live and you learn, buddy but it's like all this.

Kyle

Yeah, the autistic shit is like they say, because they think it like makes them smarter and like more. Because you remember rain man? No, you never saw the movie rain man. No, no, none of you saw the movie fucking rain man with tom cruise and, uh, dustin hoffman. Tom cruise is the brother and dustin hoffman is the fucking autistic guy. No, who's his brother? And finds out he's fucking autistic and really good at numbers and then he like takes him to the casino and he can count cards and he just wins a shitload of money Shit.

Carlos

I am pretty good at the casino. You are good with numbers, dude. I'm good at the casino 50-50.

ryan

Me either win or I'm losing.

Carlos

Have you ever been tested besides the one you did tested? I got tested for ADHD, but they said I don't have ADHD. They were testing for a wrong thing.

Kyle

It sounds like how do you even test for autism?

Carlos

it seems like such a a mental health evaluation, I think. Do you think, if you got an autistic test right now, that you would pass? Yeah like that, you would be autistic. Well, if I pass it, then I'm not autistic. You fucking retard, right.

Kyle

Or is that fucked up? No, you're right, you are correct. Check for you. But I'm saying what does that test look like? I have no fucking idea. Do you like planes? Yes, yeah, it's like. Can you not think about it? Do I like trains? Yeah, or do you like?

ryan

planes, yes, yeah, it's like. Can you not think about like trains? Yeah, or do you like?

Kyle

trains. It's like that. That autistic fucking movement makes no sense to me.

Carlos

Either God or you don't.

Kyle

It's like are people looking for sympathy?

Carlos

Dude, what do you think would happen if I went to a therapist and I told her I was really insecure about myself because I scored a 76 on the IQ test?

Kyle

You would fucking give her $400?.

Carlos

A therapist they would just hear you and talk to you. $400 to get laid.

Kyle

You would go in to just what are you?

Carlos

talking about. He's like Will Ferroff.

Kyle

What type of therapist are you trying to go to? No, you're my girlfriend. You'd walk in and I guarantee. I guarantee that therapist Jesus Kyle. It's a problem. This is the new Kyle.

Carlos

The new calm down Kyle. Damn the last pod really Put your shit into perspective, didn't it? I don't like this motherfucker. Yeah, he's, you're weird Give me the other, kyle, you're kind of freaking me out.

Kyle

Yeah, but the women might like it more.

Carlos

Nah, I don't think so.

Kyle

I'd rather them like me than you guys like me.

Carlos

Are you sure about that? Stop talking in that fucking weird little chomalizing tone.

Kyle

No, I think you'd go to a therapist and she'd break you immediately and you'd start crying about you. They bring up your past and you just talk about. You'd be crying in there, going through your whole life being like damn, I didn't realize, I repressed this.

Carlos

This is why I'm so sad and lonely all the time didn't we have that conversation the other day where I was like yo, we should try to like mentally fuck each other?

Kyle

yeah, you did bring up that weird stuff like we should just like you wanted to see. You said if you and ryan were locked in a room, who would make who cry first?

Carlos

yes, a mental fucking yeah a mental fuck off and ryan got very angry.

Kyle

No, I was asking about that. Well, yeah, he started going nuts when you said you thought you could make him cry before he made you cry I was like ryan no, I can't.

Carlos

You thought you could make him cry before he made you cry. I was like ryan no, I can't. Oh, you motherfuckers could never make me cry, never. What. If I killed your mom, I would fucking brutally murder you. You wouldn't cry, though I would cry like a motherfucker. Yes, there we go.

Kyle

You lost that you lost, you lost. I'll be at your funeral with her, but, like you, fucking lost.

Carlos

Like fuck, I did I broke.

Kyle

You're like giving a speech and I'm just in the fucking crowd Fucking fuck you pussy. No, I believe I think I don't know. It'd be very tough to make me cry by just saying things. It's like I feel like that's like with anything. It's like I've never's like with anything. It's like I've never. You can literally say anything to me. I'm not going to be like yo for real.

Carlos

Shut the fuck up, dude, don't fucking talk to me, because you're a fucking teddy bear. What?

Kyle

Sometimes you've. So you're a teddy bear, Kyle. Let's move on. He was going to say sometimes you don't make any sense I was going to try to be nasty to you.

Carlos

Let's hear it, tell him. Tell him, he wants to hear it.

The Many Emotions of Kyle

Kyle

I'm a nice guy. You're not a fucking nice guy, he's fucking nice. Do you think could anybody say, like, what would somebody have to say to make you cry, To make me cry, or like freak out like that, Like nothing. I don't think I can think of anything.

Carlos

Cut me a line. I got into an argument with a guy at Publix a couple weeks ago because he cut me a line at the self-checkout. What if I said your pants look stupid right now? I know they look stupid.

Kyle

I'm confident you know. That's the thing. You don't even have to think very hard about what would make Ryan freak out. It's the smallest shit humanly possible.

Carlos

You fucking chain that's fine.

Kyle

That chain is fake, probably yeah, it's definitely fake. It's not fake, no, I think like the very first recording we ever did.

Carlos

You almost fought somebody in there doing at the elevator yeah, you were coming up to eric's apartment and you almost fought him in the elevator. I did. I asked those motherfuckers if they had something to say to me and they were. They were putting new flooring on the elevator. It was inoperable. I asked them if I could use it. They just looked at they just looked at me.

ryan

They had caution tape all around not when I was there swear to god, not when I was there.

Carlos

So you saw guys laying new flooring on an elevator and yeah, and I asked them if I could use it and they looked at me and then I walked away, got like three steps away they started laughing, talking to spanish, so I turned the fuck around and I asked him. I said you got something to fucking say to me? You know what this sounds like. And they said, oh, no English. I said oh, yep, no English. Here we go, buddy.

Kyle

Here we go. All of every story he says makes sense. Now why? Because of his 76 IQ, he's not able to ride it.

Carlos

Yeah, would you want to ride up with me? I'll give him a little 10-minute break, 5-minute break. If I was working on the elevator and someone was like, can I ride it, I'd say, shit, go ahead, buddy, I'll take a break. No, you wouldn't. It makes no sense, man. It makes no sense, dude.

ryan

Teach his own, my brother to each his own.

Kyle

My brother, can you clip that please? Oh my god, dude, what else is happening? We talking about Trump? Trump is fucked.

Carlos

Trump is fucked well, kyle, since you want to be not such a fucking dickhead, why don't you tell everybody why you're not being a dickhead?

Kyle

yeah, why aren't you tell us about your little? I just feel like I need to change something in myself.

Carlos

You know throughout this podcast, you've definitely tried to change your attitude. I think so Is it the feedback that you've been getting.

Kyle

No.

Carlos

What the fuck are you talking about, Carlos?

Kyle

I don't think we've gotten any real feedback. We've gotten some.

Carlos

Because people have told you you're vulgar, you're an asshole. They have said You're a dickhead, you hate women.

Kyle

I'm vulgar, you're an asshole. They have said you're a dickhead you hate women.

Carlos

I'm gay, you're gay. Don't clip that. That was wait. You didn't say that was the common doors that was the common doors.

Kyle

So what is it? I just think I need to change man. I think I you know what it is. What is it, man, finding it very hard to love myself right now? Why so I think I need to very hard to love myself right now.

Carlos

Why?

Kyle

so I think, I need to.

Carlos

Just well, are you at a lot, a lot to love.

Kyle

What. Are you a lot of love. What the fuck does that mean?

ryan

Like are you a lot to?

Carlos

love. Well, is that a condescending question? Is that a genuine question? Yeah, it's a bit condescending. It's about, like, my weight, two inches on my brother. So what is it?

Kyle

Oh man, before anybody else can love you, you have to love yourself. I've told you this before and I'm. I read a book. I can't. What was the fucking name?

Carlos

He prayed to his fucking healing rocks.

Kyle

He's back trying to be very mindful of how I feel at all times and what you say what I say cause you haven't been very mindful about anything that you said lately that's true. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I need to censor myself. No, maybe I can't show the world what a fucking demon I am.

Carlos

It's good content.

Kyle

No, man, it's hard right now. Maybe I'm depressed, but you guys told me I can't talk about that anymore.

Carlos

You said you weren't depressed. No, I don't think I am you said you can't talk about you killing yourself.

Kyle

Why not? Why the?

Carlos

fuck not Whoa.

Kyle

This is this is kyle coming back out, bring it back together no, I think I just need to change something, because the way it's going right now it's not gonna fucking work you're tearing up a little bit, are you okay?

Carlos

when I get him, I'm getting emotional man you know guy loves listening to music cry on the beach by himself, dude I do.

Kyle

Do you know that might be my problem? I've been going back to my like all my sad, sad music and it's like might be fucking up my mental. You are what you surround yourself, because all day at work all I'm listening to is like fucking, really sad stuff why, I like it sounds good.

Carlos

He needs to feel something. Yeah, whether it's good or bad.

Kyle

Yeah, maybe I'm just looking for a feel, trying to cop a feel.

Carlos

Why don't you help him out, ryan? Get the fuck out of here. Don't give a fuck. Get the fuck out of here. Dude, your energy is way off today. Mine yeah, yeah. This fucking week sucked, carlos. It was fucking horrible, dude. Yeah, why don't?

Kyle

you talk to him, man, talk to him for a while.

Carlos

Kyle comes back and he's just fucking tearing up on the pod. I'm not fucking tearing up, you are tearing up a little, I see that he is.

ryan

The waterworks are coming.

Carlos

God damn it Kyle, god damn it Kyle, damn Kyle's cried, first Kyle cried first.

Kyle

Oh my god, kyle's cried first, kyle cried first. Oh my God, Kyle cried first. Carlos suffers from like he's always teary eyed. Your eyes are always watering.

Carlos

We've seen him cry. You've seen me cry. Oh, we have. Yeah, way before this We've seen him. I will give you that he was fucking hammered, though.

Kyle

I miss my daughter, I miss my baby.

Carlos

It's the first time I've been away from her. Remember what he did when he came inside? He like went in a little playpen and was sitting there laying down and shit. He was like cuddling his fucking daughter's toys Jesus, it's like oh my God, man, to be frank, or to be fair, I was in my own home. Yeah, you were, I didn't leave. No, you did not leave. I woke up at like two in the morning. I was like where the fuck everyone go?

Kyle

Yeah, his wife and daughter left for the very first time. We all came over, got drunk and he FaceTimed him and immediately started crying.

Carlos

Jeez, I'm at one with my emotions. Kyle's scared to show his. That is true, I agree with that.

Kyle

I'm scared to show emotions. Yes, I don't think that, but I appreciate the Positive feedback. Jesus man, stop it, dude.

Carlos

Stop it, man. I don't like this Kyle dude.

ryan

No, neither do I. I don't like this guy. No, neither do I, I don't.

Kyle

Well, I feel like Ryan only shows like one emotion.

Carlos

What's that Angry yeah?

Kyle

Angry or fired up. You just go too fast. I feel sometimes You're fucking.

Carlos

You don't look at what's in front of you, you just try to go ahead. I get tunnel vision. Bad when I'm trying to get something done. Get the fuck out of my way. Trying to get it done like what?

Kyle

whatever I need to get done, yeah, he's more of a dickhead than I am. I feel like who, ryan? Yeah, you don't have any like social cues. You don't know what.

Carlos

What to say to people you just tell them to fuck off, yeah I'm used to talking to you, motherfuckers, all the time.

Carlos

Well, you gotta if. Okay. Situation here if you are in publics and a guy bumps into you with a car, what are you doing? On accident, if he looks at me and says sorry, then what if he bumps into you and just doesn't say anything, doesn't speak any English and just goes by, what are you doing? Say, hey, motherfucker. What are you doing? No, bro, I'm telling you, the dude cut me in line in public to self check. I've been waiting there for like 10 minutes. He goes and I said hey, hey, he had headphones and I went up and tapped him. I was like you just cut me in line.

Carlos

Like, oh, my bad, he went to go scanning his shit. I was like if you're gonna scan yours, you're gonna scan mine too. I was like I've been waiting for like 10 minutes. I was like you pay for mine. But if that, I was like get the fuck out of my way, I'm going next. And what happened? He got out of the way and I scanned my shit and went on my merry way. That's the way to handle that kind of situation. Yeah, fuck that. No, there was like four people behind me too.

ryan

I will give you that, though I will give you that what like? There's certain things where I you know, sometimes you should, you should say something, but in that he might have not even seen you, he didn't he had headphones in.

Carlos

That's why I went out and tapped him. Yeah, he took his ass to the back of the line and waited his turn. All right.

Kyle

All right, we're getting somewhere I believe that you say something when it should be said, but then you say it Like you're Want to fight. You always want to fight people.

Carlos

I don't want to fight people. You just have to Say it like that so they know you mean business.

ryan

You say like that, mean business.

Carlos

Would you fight someone About over that Like?

ryan

what if you just Hell yeah? What if he said Fuck you?

Carlos

If he was being a dickhead, hell yeah, dickhead, hell yeah. I just started scanning my shit with him. What did he say? Fuck you, broke bitch, it's going to be a problem. Fuck that. I don't give a fuck where we're at, fuck that.

Kyle

What about, like the gas pump, you're waiting for a gas pump.

Carlos

That shit happened to me at the 7-Eleven at Daytona before it was right in front of you. What'd you do? No dude, I in. He stepped out of line so I went next. He come up behind me fucking, tapped me on the shoulder. You good, I'm like, yeah, I'm good. What the fuck are you talking about? You want to stand out? Stare at me in the parking lot. I was sitting there yelling at him for like five minutes. Fuck my gas, what fuck you huh, what'd you say?

Carlos

he asked me if he had a problem and he said yeah. I said all right, that's fine, buddy, I don't give a fuck. All right, you can beat me up any day of the week, fuck that, I don't care. So you'd be okay with just getting your ass beat. Fuck, yeah, I don't give a fuck. Going back to the kidnap retard, I don't give a fuck, I'm sorry, kyle.

Kyle

Kyle's a fucking teddy bear, big fucking teddy bear, I just know how to talk to people.

cutting in line

Carlos

You're bad at talking to people you say this, but then you make me talk to everybody. Yeah, that's true, it's funny. Why is it funny? So you do it on purpose. This is a setup. So what if that happened to you, kyle? What would you do If someone cut you in line at Publix?

Kyle

I don't care.

Carlos

You'd just let them. I'd be like you let Publix, you, let people walk all over you.

Kyle

Shit. This is very I don't like this style of questioning.

Carlos

It's like the first 48 interrogations. Sorry, I'm just asking questions like he was asking Leilani last weekend.

Kyle

Nah, man, I'm a big guy. Nobody fuck with me, man, everybody fucks with Ryan at. Everybody does Everybody does.

Carlos

You get fucked with a lot.

Kyle

I don't know why everybody thinks they can walk over ryan and he says, no, nobody thinks they can walk over me, so I don't have to say anything.

Carlos

Don't make fun of ryan that's a good way to put it. I'll take that. I'll take that. That's a good way to put it. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that.

Kyle

That's good yeah, that's good stuff. We're getting't give a fuck. No, but also, most of the time I don't care enough.

Carlos

Yeah, I feel like I'm the same way.

Kyle

But I don't like I feel like that in the car, like when I'm driving my mom they always told me like you drive like a fucking grandma, you always. Why are you driving like a grandma? Like never been pulled over, never a ticket, nothing. It's like bro, it's just I'm fucking chilling, I don't care, like I'm never hitting, I'm fucking hitting Behind the semi In the right lane.

Carlos

Going.

Kyle

Going 60 on a fucking freeway when y'all motherfuckers Be speeding.

Carlos

I only speed if I gotta speed.

Kyle

Going nuts on the road. I won't say I zoom Road rage, but I don't road rage like Ryan does.

Carlos

I don't fucking road rage either.

Kyle

Yes, you do. No, I do not. What are you talking about? Don't even try to fucking lie about it.

Carlos

Bro, what do you do when someone's going too slow in the fast lane and you're behind them In my Kia? Yeah Well, I don't know what I mean. Jesus, I wish I had cruise control. I just throw cruise control on and just be vibing. You don't have cruise control on your car. Fuck, no dude, it's the five sport mode, what?

ryan

year is it?

Carlos

2023. Fucking 2023,. Huh, fucking cruise control.

Kyle

I had an 04 Buickra, had cruise control.

Carlos

I only have one automatic window. It's my fucking driver's side window. Brand new Kia, brand new. God, it was 16 miles on it. It must have been cheap then, no $32,000. Ryan, don't say that again. Maybe you just don't see the cruise control. No, we don't, no, we don't. They ain't fucking listening. No, we don't, no, we don't.

Kyle

They ain't fucking listening. No, we don't Fuck the police. Oh Nah, blue Lies. I love you guys, blue Lies, matter, do not pull me over, dude. I've never been pulled over. I fucking hope to god you guys don't pull me over, please.

Carlos

You don't have to cut that, we'll be fine. I don't give a fuck, I don't care. Tan Silverado. Yeah, and then you said your car yeah, I didn't say what color it was. What license plate do you have?

Kyle

you got a toyota tacoma or something right, brown f-250, yeah, yeah, sixty thousand dollar truck, that's what I got.

Carlos

Hell, yeah, that's what I got, I traded, I traded it, I upgraded. For that price, you probably could. They probably give you like 15 for it, though no, they're going to give me like nine for it. Shit Bro, why the?

Kyle

fuck, are new cars so goddamn expensive?

Carlos

Everything's so expensive, man, it's fucking crazy. I don't know my buddy that sells cars. He told me for a used car a normal payment right now is like four to 600 and for a new car it's like 800 to 1. Afford that shit? That's not even with insurance, that's just a car net.

ryan

Yeah.

Carlos

Dude, my buddy was telling me he's getting people out the door with a Volkswagen, like a little Passat or whatever it is for like $1,300. Out the door, with payment and insurance and everything. $1,300? $1,300. It's like a $1,000 payment plus $300 insurance. Oh shit, I should have fucking gone to college what would that have done for you?

Kyle

I could have been a doctor man.

Carlos

You think so, you would have had a fucking great time being a doctor, buddy.

ryan

You'd have had a great time. What is that supposed to mean?

Carlos

Put him under anesthesia and all that dude, You'd have been one of them. Look, sir, you're a foot doctor. You don't have to put him under anesthesia all right, like they didn't like that one. No, you didn't. I think that struck a chord, not really. Would you have a? Would you have been an anesthesiologist?

Kyle

no, I don't think so what kind of medicine? Would you have been an anesthesiologist? No, I don't think so.

Carlos

What kind of medicine would you have gone into Neurosurgery?

Kyle

Oh shit, Shut the fuck up, I do brain surgery you do brain surgery?

Carlos

What kind of brain? Every brain? A nutsack brain or like an actual brain In your mouth? What the fuck is this?

Kyle

What the fuck does that mean? It's like, ryan, we try to do this podcast and you just come out here and just say, shit, that has nothing to do, doesn't mean anything what do you mean?

Carlos

doesn't mean anything. You say some random shit, you're just like making up words at this point well, that's a little inside joke for myself. A nutsack brain, yeah.

Kyle

It's an inside joke. You just died laughing For yourself.

Carlos

No, for me and a couple of the boys.

Kyle

Wait, I was going to say you can't have an inside joke with just yourself.

ryan

No.

Carlos

Him and his boys. They share brains apparently.

Kyle

Yeah, what the fuck is that about you guys talking about your nuts?

Carlos

Do you want to hear it? Sure guys talking about your nuts.

Kyle

Do you want to hear? It sure, before going up and see if someone would be sleepy, you put your fucking nutsack on their forehead oh yeah, you were doing the brain.

Carlos

Would they bite it? No, you put it on the forehead while they're sleeping, but they wake up and they just nibble on. Your fucking never wake up.

Kyle

No, because you put them under you put them under.

ryan

They didn't do it to you, I hope no, I don't know, they probably did.

Carlos

Didn't you say, they didn't know? No nobody would ever know. It was just passed out. Yeah, so that most likely happened to you.

Kyle

I hope I never did shit like that, because I would be fucking pissed yeah, you did me and my boy me and my boys didn't get down like that, fucking with the first person to sleep.

Carlos

There's a, there's a record you saying Like you guys didn't even wear shit. Yeah, thank you, thank you. We're not gonna get into that, we're not gonna elaborate, but thank you, wait what? Thank you? Just go back and listen to the other pod. Thank you, buddy, that's all I gotta say what I remember. You remember, eric, do you remember? I have no idea? You sparked something in my brain. I remember.

Self-Love

Kyle

I know, give me something to jog my memory on it Group. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah jerking off of your boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carlos

So that's not worse than no man Putting nuts on foreheads, yeah we're separate. Oh no, man Putting nuts on foreheads yeah we're separate.

Kyle

Oh, it's a different guy. I'm not eloping with another man. I'm not putting my stuff on another man.

Carlos

Okay.

Kyle

I'm just saying there's a difference.

Carlos

I don't think so. It's not a fine line. We can agree to disagree all day, motherfucker no that is objectively gay.

Kyle

To put your nuts on another man is objectively gay. I think you're like 10 years old.

Carlos

It's like that fucking South Park.

Kyle

I talk about South Park too much, but when Cartman sticks his fucking dick in Butler's mouth and is like and everybody's calling him gay and he's like no, and everybody's calling him gay and he's like no, it's just funny.

Carlos

He's like that. No, it's fucking gay. That's how you.

Kyle

That's how you constitute it as being yeah, you just say you stick your nuts on their forehead and you say they're gay, but you're the one doing it.

Carlos

So if you say no homo, it's not gay, no diddy no, that's different.

Kyle

Yeah, what the fuck happened to diddy is. Is he still missing? No, I have no idea. That fucking pedophile.

Carlos

Is he a pedophile or is he just like a woman beater? He's a BD and a woman beater. What is a BD? A butt diddler.

Kyle

Oh yeah, he's gay. He's gay. I forgot Diddy was fucking gay. Nothing wrong with it. I support you, man. Just don't do it to you. I definitely not. Don't do it to me.

Carlos

Also, don't do it to people who don't want it if a famous person came up to you and just started touching your cock, you wouldn't be opposed, damn cock.

Kyle

I heard cock in a while. No like, I think we I've said it before it's like, bro, if I was in the situation Harvey Weinstein, stuff we were talking about the Nickelodeon doc. Yeah, eric doesn't like it. You would agree to it, bro, if I was in a fucking. Let's say they're like we'll get you in there with fucking Tom Hardy. You'll be right next to Tom Hardy In this brand new movie. You just gotta suck it, buddy cop comedy movie. You'll be right there. You'll be Tom Hardy in this brand new movie. You just gotta suck it, buddy Cop. Buddy Cop comedy movie. You'll be right there.

Carlos

You'll be Tom Hardy's partner.

Kyle

Yes, yes, for sure. And they're like your fucking contract is three million dollars for this movie and you'll get so much recognition You'll be in other movies. Okay, absolutely, sir. May I have another?

Carlos

May you have another. May you have another, another contract. Jesus Christ, kyle tries to be nice and he goes Fucking full blown gay. God damn, wait, is this the real Kyle? This is the real Kyle right here.

Kyle

I like Dickhead. It's not gay dude, I'm doing it for monetary value. He said I'm homo.

Carlos

I like Dickhead Kyle Better than this fucking guy no man.

Kyle

Dick in the mouth, kyle, it's not gay if you're getting money from it. It's not gay unless you make it gay. Think about all those straight dudes doing porn, gay porn. They're not gay dude, they're making money.

Carlos

Would you do gay porn? No, I'm going to fucking throw up.

Kyle

No, no, hell, no, you're going to throw up from that. Have you watched gay porn before you watch porn every goddamn day?

Carlos

Multiple times a day. No, I do not.

Kyle

You've told me you do, so don't fucking come in here like that, alright, when it's a bad week, yeah.

Carlos

When it's a bad week, yeah. Fuck off, Leave me alone. Leave me alone. You're worse than I am motherfucker. It's like social media for you guys. At this point it is. It is entertainment purposes. It's better than Netflix.

Kyle

You asked me if I've ever watched gay porn. No. I have not either, but you said you almost threw up from it. So you must have seen it, so you've seen it To know that you didn't like it.

Carlos

Okay, kyle, I'm going to fucking headbutt you right now. Are you curious? No, I'm not fucking curious. Kyle knows what the fuck out of here GP.

Kyle

Get the fuck out of here.

Carlos

Butt pie. So you guys are so fucked. I almost just fucking spit that out.

ryan

You guys have watched these videos together.

Kyle

You are so fucked, Butt pie man.

Carlos

Oh God.

Kyle

It's a butt dog. It's for real Butt dogs Doing that. Some of those dudes are straight. God, it's a butt dog. It's for real butt dogs doing that. Some of those dudes are straight though, so they say it's like prison.

Carlos

Are you really gay, though? It's like that dude that's dating that trans blonde girl. You ever seen that he's like I'm not gay, though I'm not gay.

Kyle

But he's dating that dude.

Carlos

He said I just suck my girlfriend's dick. She asked he said I just suck my girlfriend's dick. Jesus Christ, he was on no Jumper with Adam 22. That makes sense that sounds about right.

Kyle

Nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about anymore. If you suck a dick, you're gay. We've all always said this. But you guys always tell me if you could suck your own dick and you did, that's gay. Who's you guys? I brought up this conversation before If I tried to suck your own dick and you did, that's gay who's you guys?

Carlos

I brought up this conversation before, are you?

Kyle

talking about if I tried to suck my own dick, if you could physically suck your own dick and you did it. That's gay, that's very gay. How, how is that any different from jerking off?

Carlos

He's got a point. It's a hand in the mouth.

Kyle

Is it gay for another man to stroke your dick? Very. Is it gay for another man to stroke your dick Very. Is it gay for another man to suck your dick?

Carlos

Very.

Kyle

Okay, so how is it? Different from me jacking off and me sucking my own dick.

Carlos

It depends if you like it or not. Damn Kyle just admitted it. I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it.

Kyle

I fucking knew it. You think I can suck my own dick?

Carlos

I'm a pretty flexible guy.

Kyle

This guy, you're flexible? I don't think so, not anymore.

Carlos

Have you witnessed this flexibility? I can fucking.

Kyle

I'm out of breath when I tie my shoes.

Carlos

Should we end out there? That's not gay. I'm just saying that's not gay. We can end that there.

Kyle

That's not gay. I'm just saying that's not gay. We can end it there.

Carlos

Yeah, let's end it there.

Kyle

I think we're I think yeah, I think that's a podcast.

Carlos

This is a weird one, boys. Yeah, trying to figure out Sexuality and IQ.

Kyle

We're trying to make a difference. I think you're pivoting here.

Carlos

Thank you, that's a good way to put it from womanizer to. It's a great way to put it stop doing that.

Kyle

One of us says something and you say, nope, that's exactly what I meant, that's exactly it. I love the way you. That's exactly it. You like that? I love the way you said that. I'm with him. You're pivoting.

Carlos

To each his own.

ryan

my brother, your clothes actually match today they do.

Kyle

Well, if you're wearing just neutral colors, then yeah, it's going to match Gray and black. That's all we can ask for. I think, I look good, that's good if you love yourself, man, you gotta love yourself first at the end of the day, anyone takes anything from this pod and yep, I hope all the listeners. Yep, take that from this.

Carlos

We appreciate love yourself all the followers, all the listeners, goomba's back. What did you say? Fame Q, he's colorblind. It's with an M, I think we can figure out what it is.

Kyle

Nobody can see that screen.

Carlos

I just fucking read it.

Kyle

It was out of the corner of my eye.

ryan

I got fucking 2020.

Carlos

You literally read it as it was spelled, rather than what it was supposed to say.

Kyle

Carlos, your first episode back from your little break. Yeah, one week break. Take us out, man.

cave man gummy

Carlos

All right, newest Lowe's. Follow us on everything Spotify, youtube, facebook, instagram, twitter. No, not the Facebook. No, the Facebook's going to get taken down. Apple Podcast I like the way you hold that mic. He holds it like he holds a pencil. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck off.

Kyle

Fucking From. Look like a caveman drawing on a fucking wall.

Carlos

In school they used to give me the little grip thing for the pencil so I could grip it like the little pink gummy thing. Oh yeah, like that. Yeah, you, you took it literally. You tried to fit all your fingers on that little grid.

ryan

I did at first, I did every single it's only supposed to help you out, man, you're not supposed to take it seriously what newest lows.

Kyle

I'm gonna get you cursive classes. I'm gonna teach you cursive oh, that's fine.

Carlos

Yeah, we'll start now. Alright, newest lows bye. No, what do you mean, carlos? Shout out everything.

Kyle

Shout out the german followers do we still have those bros over there?

ryan

the who, the german, the germans. Either something happened to them or I don't know what happened they went to war or something

Carlos

yeah they're in the army now. Yeah, army shit.

ryan

But if you have Apple Podcasts or something, leave us a review on there. I think we just have one.

Carlos

Make fun of Ryan, make fun of Carlos and how fat he is and how bad his hairline is, because he wears a hat all the time. Make fun of Ryan's IQ and how he's close to mental retardation. Hell yeah, fuck you.

Kyle

Yeah, just fucking listen to it. Send it to Tell one person a day Like those.

Carlos

Sarah, look to your right and say Remember those fucking. Listen to Newest Lose.

Kyle

Those Fallen Angel commercials when it's like 10 cents a day.

Carlos

Oh for the dogs and the African children, oh god, you would just wake up In the middle of the night With Sarah.

ryan

McLaughlin.

Carlos

I wish I could donate.

Kyle

All you have to do is tell one person a day.

Carlos

You can pay a penny a day and you'll save these dollars and then we'll get money.

Kyle

Then we'll get a fucking shitload of money.

Carlos

Give Ryan a penny a day, and one day he'll have his own bed.

ryan

Pay my rent.

Kyle

My own bed.

Carlos

Yeah, we're going to start a GoFundMe for a new mattress. New mattress for Ryan. Sign up. You're down with that? I'm down with that. Sign up, let me know. Bye.