Newest Lows
Get ready to laugh, cringe, and question the life choices of Kyle, Ryan, and Carlos as they share their most embarrassing, ridiculous, and downright stupid stories on Newest Lows! Join these three friends as they dive into the depths of their own ineptitude, and emerge with a newfound appreciation for the absurdity of life. New episodes released every Monday!
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Newest Lows
Episode 10: Time to celebrate
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newestlows
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who are you talking about? Drake all right, dude, no one drake is not listening to you. I ain't listening to him. Yeah, I hear him now yeah, I'm sure he's hurting.
Kyle:Whatever happened to that fucking beef drake? Just bowed out he's not he's not doing it anymore he got too personal fucker. Well, yeah, he's a pedophile and he knew it. So now, he was a pedophile, yeah do you think his next album is gonna be big? No I think it is. It's gonna be soft drake is undeniable. You think it's gonna be big. What if it's big and soft? Fuck, fuck, drake, fuck drake. Thank you. Episode 10.
Carlos:Episode 10 we made it boys, we made a celebration yeah, 10 weeks in a row how do we make it this far?
Kyle:I thought we're gonna fucking. We probably should have quit after a couple weeks no, hell, no, what that what that lady said was that tiktok. That that lady said uh, like we like to have a podcast. You need to have like credentials you need permits and shit.
Carlos:What lady some someone posted something on tiktok or something like you should need permits and everything comments it under a post saying that we need permits to post the pod.
Erick:I think it was um, it was a post with leilani and you, you, um, you too, and so she's just saying. She said um, I, I wish podcasts had to. You had to have like a license and a major tax, like something.
Ryan:I don't know what she was saying. She can go. She can go, suck a fat dick.
Kyle:Yeah, suck Ryan's dick if you hear this.
Ryan:She's probably fat and obese, so no, I don't want that Is that what you think.
Carlos:She's mad Probably. She has other things she's mad about Apparently.
Kyle:I heard Volunteer. She's mad. Probably she has other things she's mad about, apparently. I heard volunteer. I was watching. There's a TikTok of like the fucking. It is Pride Month. God bless, shout out the Prides, thank you. I saw a video about those people, those fucking wild ones who celebrate this month, and it was a fucking gargantuan woman in the driving and a little fem boy next to her and he's. They're both talking about how actively like Lou trying to lose weight is not body positive.
Carlos:It's offensive.
Kyle:It's offensive to to actively try and lose weight.
Ryan:What is that? I don't fuck.
Kyle:How do you feel about that shit Right?
Ryan:Mental illness.
Kyle:Yeah.
Ryan:You think?
Kyle:so you don't like a nice fucking big bitch with a buzz cut?
Ryan:With a buzz cut.
Kyle:Yeah, like brown, like dyed pink and purple, buzz cut.
Ryan:Oh God.
Kyle:Who voted for Joe Biden. Is that your style?
Ryan:That kind of looks like a Dennis Rodman from back in the day. Sure With the hair color.
Carlos:Sure, I think I would prefer a Dennis Rodman cut over that.
Ryan:I don't know, I don't like it, like with the slick back hair on the side.
Kyle:Those people are fucking nuts and God bless it is Pride Month. We have to subject kids and young people to dudes, literally butt fucking in a parade.
Carlos:Okay, dude, I thought it was fucking God. Dude, what are you watching?
Kyle:Have you seen clips of the New York Pride Parade?
Carlos:No, that's not something that I'm actually looking for.
Kyle:There's dudes, dicks, hanging out swinging around. I don't know if they actually butt fuck right on there, but they get close, man. They're touching the door. They're about to breach. They're about to breach. They're going to breach pretty soon.
Ryan:Well, Carlos, what the fuck are you doing tomorrow? Oh yeah, you're going to Pride thing tomorrow.
Carlos:I am going to a gay 5K.
Kyle:Nice. Is it marketed as gay 5K? No, that's just.
Carlos:Those are the two words I put together.
Ryan:Say what is it? Is it Pride 5K, yeah, something like that. I don't really know the technicalities of it LGBTQ XYZ plus pride.
Carlos:But I'm going, but not because I'm gay.
Ryan:Not voluntarily. What did you say this morning? You said I'm going to get drunk, I'm going to support Kyle. I'm not there.
Kyle:Kyle is running in the 5K I? I was like I'll be there for you, bud, I will not be there. No, dude, that shit's fucking. I don't know. I can't handle those fucking people.
Carlos:It's probably going to be very flamboyant.
Ryan:That is the thing You're going to fit right in, Dude? When are you going to fit right in?
Kyle:Well, because they officially added a couple more letters to LGBTQ. It's like LGBTQRS or some weird shit. What the fuck does that mean? I don't think those are the right letters, but they added two more.
Carlos:How many more letters can you add?
Kyle:That's what I'm saying. They got fucking letters for everything.
Carlos:That is a long answer.
Kyle:I was like Kyle, what.
Erick:I thought you were a different person, oh fuck.
Ryan:Yeah, I thought you were a part of the community. No, no, no Fuck that it's not a new Kyle. I can't deal with a new Kyle.
Kyle:I did say I fucking respect those people. Good on you.
Carlos:Respectively, Kyle is not the same that he was last week.
Kyle:You guys ever dry heaved in your mouth? Yeah, yeah, that's how I feel.
Ryan:Kyle, your favorite thing to do is to categorize people.
Kyle:Categorize people, you do put people in a group Most of the times, it's true. I look at stats, I look at the spreadsheets.
Ryan:I do the calculations, I run the schematics. You're right on the schematics. What do I always say? You should have been a coach, connoisseur I run the schematics.
Carlos:The first time ryan called you a connoisseur. It made sense, but it didn't.
Kyle:But now it truly does make sense I'm a man of many facets, a master or a. What is that saying? You're a. Jack of all trades, but a master of none.
Carlos:Yeah.
Kyle:Hell yeah.
Ryan:You're Jack of all. You are Jack of all, dude.
Kyle:Yeah, fuck dude. When the fuck did they get? When did they get a full month?
Ryan:Ryan, ryan. Why can't I have a month dedicated to myself?
Kyle:That's what I'm saying. What happened to us?
Ryan:They always say free the nips.
Carlos:There is a mental awareness month already. Why?
Ryan:do I need a mental awareness month?
Kyle:That month and pride month should be the same month.
Ryan:You want to hear some shit? I just went to Publix before I got here. Right there's a bitch in a handicapped spot with a handicap placard, Normal as hell In Scrubs. She was a doctor. Hell yeah, why didn't you confront her? I was about to wheel the window down and be like how the fuck did you get that placard? Where can I get one she got. Can't she just give it to?
Carlos:herself.
Ryan:That's what I'm saying, damn, she beat the system.
Kyle:No, it's like where the fuck is our month, Ryan Month? For what Whites?
Carlos:Whites White month of whites. It is Juneteenth.
Ryan:You know what they got? Pride Month. They have Black History Month. Damn. They hate white people.
Kyle:Mexican Heritage Month.
Erick:Whoa man.
Carlos:What do you mean? Isn't july 4th? Enough for you to that's one day that's independence day, that's it.
Kyle:That's all. You need no dude, are you? We celebrate your guys independence too, isn't that? What single fucking de mayo is it's still for the?
Ryan:whites they said the white the white people I do
Kyle:not celebrate single de mayo like everyone's like yeah, but you don't celebrate anything no I don't you're like gonna fucking, your's going to be a fucking Jehovah's Witness.
Carlos:You guys aren't going to celebrate anything. If you don't hold that expectation from the beginning, then you don't have to do it Right, but you're going to give your baby good stuff, christmas gifts and Thanksgiving gifts and all that. Why do you guys always bring up my daughter.
Ryan:Yeah you get, I don't get shit.
Kyle:I don't know. We've talked about this. When we bring up your daughter, none of us have a fucking baby. You're the only one.
Carlos:I'm the only one that has a responsibility, oh God.
Erick:Do you think these two are ready for a kid Hell?
Kyle:no, which one more than the other one?
Ryan:Not you at all, between you two.
Carlos:Kyle, not you at all. If both some kind of puss, Well cause I wouldn't be there.
Kyle:That's not in the question. We already, we, we wake up tomorrow and we both have a baby.
Carlos:I feel like who's going to raise it? I feel like Ryan will do pretty good with the child. It will be his. He might drag it along a couple of times, might leave it in the car, maybe once or twice. No, he's chicken and rice Hell no, you'll feed it.
Ryan:You'll feed it, you'll feed it, you'll make sure it gets fed.
Erick:I got a niece and a nephew.
Carlos:Do you think that that child would be fed before you? Yeah, if you can't afford anything else, who goes?
Erick:first your dogs or the baby? My dogs, wait, no, no, I thought you said my dogs or me.
Carlos:No got food. That's what I'm saying. You're telling me you'll think he's going to be a better dad than I am.
Ryan:You didn't let me finish.
Carlos:I do I do 100,000% I feel like Kyle will be a nurturer. He cries, he pats him on the back Kyle's going to be, like Kevin, I breastfeed him.
Ryan:Kyle's going to be like Kevin Gates. Kevin Gates, the reason he lost weight is because he was holding his boy's baby and it was sucking on his tit trying to get milk out of it.
Kyle:That's not okay. What the fuck are you talking about?
Carlos:Kevin Gates lost weight doing that. Kevin Gates is a different kind of specimen, though he swears that he's God.
Kyle:That dude's a monster too. You see how big he fucking is.
Ryan:That's why he's in the gym now.
Erick:He's a big fucker, Kevin Gates, if you hear this we'd like to have you.
Carlos:He said that he jumped a battery by touching both of the positive and negative with his hands.
Ryan:Yeah, and he, and he said. He said, if I'm lying, you can kill my kids right now he said that like god damn, no, I swear.
Carlos:And they were like it's not that serious he's like no, no, no, kill my kids right now kill my kids I don't think he's a great dad.
Ryan:No no, why no?
Kyle:Why do rappers always have 24 fucking kids?
Carlos:You know why.
Ryan:How many?
Kyle:kids does Nick Cannon have now?
Ryan:13. God damn, he's a great father. 13. I think Youngboy has like 15. Youngboy has a fuckload Like 14 or 15.
Kyle:Continue though Too many kids Continue. Who would be better? I need a decisive answer right now. I think that Kyle would be better.
Carlos:Thank, you, thank you, thank you. Why is that? He's just more feminine.
Kyle:What the fuck does that?
Carlos:mean.
Kyle:He's more nurturing I'll take that I'll take that.
Carlos:You know they can rest upon his bosom my dick's about to Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Kyle:What we're talking about yeah well, my fucking dick's about to fall out of my shorts. That's feminine.
Carlos:No, but your physique and your attitude.
Kyle:My physique is feminine.
Carlos:Oh yeah, look at yours, pretty feminine.
Kyle:I just saw a picture of your mom and who else was there. Don't talk shit about my mom, dude. I said they got the same body type Carlos and his mom.
Ryan:Get the fuck out of here, don't talk shit about my mom.
Erick:Get the fuck out of here.
Kyle:I will fucking you remember, you remember when we had that old co-worker I won't name he was a big African American guy and I said, jesus Christ, you got your mama's ass? He did, though he had a big ass. I was like, damn, you got that From your mama, didn't you?
Carlos:Jesus, fucking Christ. Oh God, I want to mention him so hard, but I can't. He also put mayo and relish on hot dogs and then questioned me for putting ketchup.
Kyle:No other one other, one other one. We've had two pretty big African-American guys work with us Wait which one are you? Talking about, not the mayo relish hot dog in a truck.
Carlos:The 7-. There's a spider in the truck, is it?
Ryan:bad that I know exactly. There's a baby spider in the truck and he stops the truck in the middle of traffic and opens the door and tries to kill the fucking thing. Oh my god, I'll tell you what?
Kyle:I've been fucking going hard on hot dogs. Lately Publix had a sale and I've been eating nothing but hot dogs.
Ryan:That's what you said this morning. He looked at the hot dogs this morning at Racetrack and he said no, I've been eating way too many hot dogs. I've been eating way too many.
Kyle:I tried the mayo and relish combo with some American cheese in there. Pretty good, it's pretty good.
Ryan:That's probably why that fat motherfucker was 440 pounds. Yeah, you're.
Kyle:Intern. We have an intern here for the 10th episode. Grab me a beer. Yeah, why did you skip?
Carlos:Wait, we had him probably for, like what, the 4th, 2nd, maybe 3rd.
Kyle:Then we skipped like a whole bunch yeah, where have you been, man? We need a little helper in here.
Ryan:He's speechless. He's been scared to come around me because he's a little pussy.
Kyle:Yeah, they got beef actually, Ryan and our intern. He's walking out on eggshells, ryan and our intern have big beef right now.
Carlos:Apparently he still has better fashion than Ryan does His fit Way better Describe the fit what you got on today.
Ryan:I got the high top dunks. I got my fucking jeans Hell yeah, got my Bali belt and I got my Ric Flair shirt. That Ric Flair shirt is pretty solid. Slick Ric baby. It's like fucking 10 bucks.
Carlos:It's a.
Ryan:Walmart shirt. Yeah, it looks like it.
Kyle:You never fucking watched Ric Flair. I love Ric Flair.
Carlos:No, you don't. What does he make? What kind of noises does he?
Kyle:make Dude. He just got fucking cut off at a bar and went. Yeah, have you seen that?
Carlos:Rick Flair said that he didn't even drink water at all, Like he just drank alcohol.
Ryan:That was Hulk Hogan. Hogan was talking about that. He said he didn't see Rick Flair do the same.
Carlos:I'm pretty sure it was Rick Flair yeah.
Ryan:Did you see the one when Flair was on Theo Vaughn? That's when he was talking about it.
Kyle:That's when he was talking about it yeah, he didn of the fucking bartender cutting Ric Flair off and he started fucking flipping out. Really. Yeah, dude, it was awesome. It was like this dude's like 90 years old now and he's still getting after it.
Carlos:How does he still have money? I?
Kyle:have no idea. He probably made so much money back in the day.
Ryan:Licensing or something, endorsements, deals, brand deals, shit like that.
Kyle:He just did some shit at the Super Bowl. Oh, he just did some shit at the Super Bowl.
Carlos:Oh, did he really.
Kyle:Yeah, at the fucking last Super Bowl, were you sued up or something? No, it was. What the fuck did he do?
Carlos:Did a cameo.
Kyle:Yeah, he was just on the fucking. He was there.
Carlos:I mean a commercial for the Super Bowl hey fucking.
Kyle:What about Donald Trump After the conviction being at the UFC? He?
Ryan:was all no Trump. I say they all just had him on the fucking camera the whole time. Those fights were crazy, though those were some good fights Shut the fuck up man.
Carlos:I did not watch the fights.
Kyle:Ryan doesn't watch fights either. He don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
Carlos:He's calling you a fucking.
Kyle:I'm calling you a poser. Athletically, you're an athletic poser and Carlos will attest to this. You say you wrestled. I know I can beat you.
Ryan:You say you played baseball, carlos played baseball, I think.
Kyle:Carlos could beat you at baseball too.
Ryan:If I were to wrestle right now, I'd wrestle at 126.
Kyle:That's too heavy for you If you were good enough. There's a couple people I know probably winning 126 could beat me.
Carlos:Did you know? I played college baseball.
Ryan:Did you know that, ryan, I did For the Thousandth time?
Carlos:And you say you're A better Athlete than I was.
Ryan:I was Baseball specific. Baseball specifically. Yes, I was.
Carlos:Any sport I'll fucking school you in, but how would we? How would we?
Kyle:Like. What position did you play?
Ryan:Me and Carlos played the middle infield Shortstop and second base, so perfect, I played everywhere.
Carlos:What were you? Ryan played two positions.
Ryan:I played them all yeah, you were probably the fucking right fielder because you sucked.
Kyle:No, I mean, I could play right field but, I played everywhere. What about the batting? Who's taking it to the house? I am.
Ryan:You're not dropping bombs, you're not hitting home runs, ryan what would you say?
Carlos:the average batting average would be the average batting average. Yeah, like all throughout baseball. You don't have to say average twice For the MLB, just in general. What would be a good batting average? You would call 280 to 300. Okay, what would you say you batted?
Ryan:I showed you the stats from that one tournament that I played in, the one tournament you played in. Oh my God, I got all tournament team. I was on the whole thing.
Carlos:That's pretty solid. That's pretty solid, I hit 347 for that tournament.
Ryan:Okay, what about high school, my freshman year? I don't fucking remember that was pretty good, though what about? For three years? I didn't. I only played Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Carlos:My high school career, I batted 325. Damn.
Ryan:No, that's four years. Maybe 315. You can look it up. You can look it up. This is a soft spot in Carlos' heart.
Carlos:I mean I have the receipts, but you say you're better than me.
Kyle:I'd like to take this to a fucking batting cage and let's see who fucking rips it.
Ryan:No, we need to go to one of those fucking simulators, like I have the baseball simulator and the golf simulator.
Carlos:I'm right-handed but I think I'll still hit better left-handed than Ryan does.
Ryan:Oh, you're going to try to switch it. I'll hit left-handed. I can switch it somewhat.
Carlos:Righty, I'm not the.
Kyle:Yeah, Carlos Herrera is a very popular name in baseball. No, no, that's college, but even college my batting average wasn't that bad.
Carlos:How many dudes named Carlos Herrera do you think play baseball A lot? I was like that's not me.
Kyle:Let's see these fucking stats, go stats right there.
Carlos:This isn't in many at-bats but it's something His average Go all the way down.
Ryan:I don't know what I'm looking at no, go up a little bit. Wait, no, go up a little bit.
Carlos:Hold on 276. 276 in college Average High school is better, for sure, though.
Ryan:It's not that bad. There's fucking dudes in the MLB that are hitting fucking I had three RBIs and 18 at bats.
Carlos:That's nothing.
Kyle:How many fucking RBIs did you have?
Ryan:Carlos, you also had eight strikeouts.
Carlos:Yeah, dude, I'm a freshman in college.
Kyle:I hate to do it to you, Ryan. I think Carlos got you.
Ryan:No, I got you. No, you're crazy, you're crazy. I wish I see, see that's why I'm so adamant on this.
Kyle:Because, ryan, you guys have both been off the fucking plate for a long time now, coming off cold Years and years not doing it.
Carlos:I told you I'll hit lefty. You have a glove. You have a glove, you can go throw.
Ryan:No, I don't have a glove. I gave all my gloves to my fucking little cousin's kids. You guys don't want to go play a catch?
Carlos:I'll let yeah, whose glove did you use Yours? I gave you my nice one too.
Ryan:He was still dropping them shits. I'm going to look that up. We're going to find a fucking baseball simulator for hitting Hitting only.
Carlos:And we're going to see what's going on. You'll probably grab a pencil.
Kyle:We need to record this. We need to put up a poll to see who the audience. Thank you guys so much. 10 episodes. Oh my God, so much. 10 episodes. Oh my god. Thank you guys, so fucking much.
Ryan:Yeah, you're still here.
Kyle:Yeah.
Ryan:Still holding on.
Kyle:We'll have to put that out. Yeah, let everybody vote on who they think I'm down Because I got my money. I'll bet our intern $1,000.
Ryan:Carlos wins Whoa, you better put that $1,000 on me, buddy, because I promise you we're going to win.
Carlos:I'll bet left-handed too. Well, no.
Kyle:If I bet him 1,000 cars, he's going to win. He's obviously betting for you.
Carlos:Yeah, he has no other choice, so is that?
Kyle:a deal. Unfortunately that's a deal.
Carlos:Want to shake on it? Let's shake on it. I'm not shaking you for a grand Wow, you don't have that much trust in me. No, not Dude you should put your money on me.
Ryan:I don't know, apparently Kyle's a big money man. I know he's up right now dude, Dude.
Carlos:probably the last time I swung in the cage was maybe two or three years ago. That shit's kind of hard.
Ryan:Hell yeah, it's hard. It's not hard when you're doing it every fucking day.
Kyle:Wait, what speed though? What speed are we going? 70?, 75?
Ryan:No, we want a batting cage.
Kyle:That's not what we're doing.
Ryan:You want to go on a batting cage 80.
Kyle:You can't just have it on a fucking tee you want to start out at.
Ryan:No, we're going to start out at like I thought 70. 70, okay. Okay, why don't we go to? You can go to those go-kart tracks in Daytona. They have the batting cages out there. You can go from 45 time on 80.
Kyle:Like I was whiffing, fast, yo, you don't realize how fast like 80 in MLB is not like crazy, that shit is fast as fuck. Oh yeah, oh yeah. 80 miles an hour it's fast.
Ryan:I don't even drive that fast in my car, Bro, that motherfucker, what's his name? Skeens, he's doing what? 102? Oh, 103?
Kyle:Every single pitch Intern, please talk.
Erick:So who am I betting against?
Kyle:Jesus man.
Ryan:We're already through that. Take it away from him, sit down, no you're betting.
Kyle:I'm betting that Carlos wins. You put up money for Ryan to win. Yeah, I can't hear you anymore. Goodbye intern. Goodbye intern. Good addition Damn. No, that was good. Thank the people listening. Thank the fans for 10 episodes.
Ryan:I think they like me more than they like you, Kyle.
Kyle:You think the fans like you more.
Ryan:I think they're clamoring for me. Buddy, I'm going to steal your zinger, right there, that's fucked up. I think they are.
Kyle:I think I'm the most I don't know. You're probably the most relatable to people. Why is that? I don't know You're fucked up, you think majority.
Ryan:Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, kyle's getting. I think our face Wait no, no, no, no, let me.
Carlos:Kyle you think majority of our listeners are fucked up like that. No, I think a lot of people related.
Kyle:Yeah, they were loving it. Dude, a lot of people must get kidnapped for them to like you.
Carlos:Yeah, you weren't the only one.
Ryan:No, I don't want to get kidnapped, though that was scary, that was not even happening, that's fucked up.
Kyle:You think you're liked more than me. Carlos is obviously dead last.
Ryan:He is dead last, he's dead pod, but I think so. Yeah, I am hispanic.
Carlos:Fuck that. That doesn't all right. Here we go. Shut the fuck up. It's always got to be racial with it's always racially motivated. With these fucking dickheads, you're the one that is, uh, always talking about racial shit. What do you mean? How?
Ryan:you like, don't like people what the fuck are you talking about? Certain races I'm just real.
Kyle:That's a good workaround actually.
Carlos:Yeah, there you go. We're an honest podcast.
Kyle:We need to also thank Eric. Eric essentially does fucking everything.
Carlos:Yeah, shout out E I'm trying fellas, I'm trying the man the myth legend. This man edits all day.
Kyle:Does audio? Does the video? Does the clips? Runs the socials, the PIP.
Carlos:Pimp Picture in picture.
Ryan:What the fuck does that mean you?
Carlos:guys, don't watch Pimp Picture in picture. What the fuck does that mean? You guys don't watch the YouTube Picture in picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, then I don't know, puts a lot of time and effort.
Kyle:Yeah, I don't know how the fuck that shit works. Carlos puts the least amount of effort in. For sure, I'm just here baby, yeah, exactly.
Carlos:I just link you and Ryan together, even though you guys are very close already.
Kyle:But yeah, 10 episodes. I honestly did not think we were going to have any listeners or get past like three episodes before we all just implode on ourselves.
Ryan:It's flown by honestly. Yeah, it has it really has.
Kyle:What is that? That's already a fucking two and a half months.
Carlos:Yeah, who would have thought that we would have all meshed so well?
Kyle:Like I, fucking two and a half months. Yeah god, who would have thought that we would have all meshed so well? Like I said, I thought it was going to implode pretty soon after we started.
Carlos:Why, I don't know he would like storm off, or I'm not gonna lie though, carlos wouldn't show up and it's only been once.
Erick:Okay, so we have like a thing. He said someone here was gonna cry first, who's leaving first, who's storming out first?
Kyle:Carlos already left for an episode.
Ryan:It wasn't he did?
Kyle:He took his little.
Ryan:PTO. He took a day off.
Kyle:Yeah, he took a little vacation, didn't you Took?
Ryan:my one day off, because you guys are fucking making us so much money, carlos, to be able to just afford to take a day off, dude.
Kyle:I'm taking a vacation. 5k.
Carlos:Sponsoring the booth.
Ryan:We are having the newest lowest booth. Out there I can see a whole banner and everything Don't lie to the fucking people man.
Carlos:Meet us out there. What are you doing tomorrow?
Kyle:You're going to fucking Daytona You're going to fucking chill on the beach.
Ryan:I'm going to chill on the beach tomorrow. I'm getting fucking hammered tomorrow.
Carlos:Please put sunscreen on.
Ryan:I was just about to say that word, but we're just a bunch of fucking this labor, labor oars, all right, all right.
Carlos:Labor hands. Have you ever seen jumanji?
Kyle:which one jumanji. I thought it was jumanji the original with robert williams or yes yes, robin williams great fucking movie.
Carlos:Doesn't ryan look like the teenage boy? I honestly don't remember that movie at all let's see your hair and your arm just reminded me of him why you'll see.
Ryan:Wait, the wolf boy or the teenage boy?
Kyle:He's a chimp. Oh, he's a. Oh he's a chimp. Where the fuck was that In the Kevin Hart? One Damn right.
Carlos:No, that's the original.
Kyle:I know.
Ryan:That's fucked up, carlos. What the fuck. You are a hairy little fucker. No the fuck I am not. You're low key hairy. No, you should have ginger hair, bro, my hair is brown little fucker. No the fuck I am not. You're low-key hairy. No, bro, my hair is brown More brown than you are.
Kyle:Carlos, is your mic working? Yeah, you're done. Oh, there, it is One, two, one, two. Ten episodes in. Still some kinks to work out, man.
Ryan:Still working on it.
Kyle:It's a work in progress Get off our fucking backs about it, all right.
Carlos:Yeah, chill man.
Kyle:We have one guy running all of this.
Carlos:Eric figure it out.
Erick:It's not easy. It isn't easy Just like life, dude. Life is not easy, fuck that dude.
Carlos:Oh shit, here we go. How is life going right? Is it great, Is it?
Ryan:bad, is it okay? I live every day like it's my last. That's not true.
Carlos:You guys live together, or something.
Ryan:What the fuck do you?
Kyle:mean.
Ryan:That's not true, kyle, if you knew you had one day to live, what would you do?
Carlos:I'm not allowed to say Wait, why?
Kyle:You're going to commit a crime. Hell yeah, what crime. I know what crime you're thinking of, don't say it.
Erick:Don't say it, because now I've got to cut it again.
Ryan:No, I'm going to go Fuck that. I'm going to go fuck it.
Carlos:You did cut that last time, didn't you?
Ryan:I know.
Kyle:You're going to go rob somebody.
Ryan:I'm going to go rob the shit out of a.
Erick:Huh, what was the whole thing? What was the question?
Kyle:If you have one day to live, One day he said he'd live every day like his last. Why would you rob?
Carlos:a bank on your last day. That's a lot of trouble, dude, if it's your last day If you don't cut this out.
Ryan:I'll tell you what I'll do on my last day.
Erick:No, no, no, Don't say that. How about he says it? A word you can't say then don't Relax, relax, relax.
Ryan:That way I don't have to go edit this shit.
Erick:It's a lot of work to edit this shit out. Relax relax, relax.
Ryan:Kyle says it more than I do, so I don't know why the fuck everybody's getting on my case about this shit, Don't say it.
Carlos:If I had one day left to live and I know exactly what you're going to say.
Ryan:I had 24 hours left to live.
Kyle:It rhymes with gape.
Ryan:No, it doesn't. I'm going to go get probably about an eight ball to a quarter of cocaine. Nice, I'm going to get probably about 10 to 20 Adderall. Hell yeah, a shitload of liquor. Probably about a couple ounces of weed. So you're just going to overdose. And I'm going to go out with a bang.
Kyle:What if you don day? Good, then it is what it is. Buddy, just die, I'll just fucking, I'll just know you're just gonna be fucking tweaking in your apartment off of an eight ball of coke and
Carlos:20 addies chihuahua dude.
Kyle:You're just gonna be shaking in the corner, yeah you're gonna be like staring out your people, like watching people walk by every now and you're like he's not dead that's your last, you, boys I have zero left. So you live every day like that.
Ryan:No, all right no.
Kyle:Are you?
Ryan:close to it. No, I just get fucked up every day. Yeah, have a good time.
Kyle:I don't know how fucking Are these working?
Carlos:Mine is now.
Kyle:Mine's the one that's not ending out. Yeah, now we're good.
Carlos:Wouldn't be right for the 10th episode.
Kyle:I don't even remember where I was at. How was life?
Erick:No, he said he wasn't what he does for his last day, For my last day.
Ryan:Yeah, Well, I mean, obviously I mean, that's just like the, that's just a little sprinkle. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna go to the strip club and have a good time.
Kyle:I'd go hang out with my family.
Ryan:Well, you have 24 hours. Spend the first five, six hours. I love my family death, but if I'm gone I'm going out with a bang.
Kyle:Well, but you got to go all the way back up to Jack's.
Ryan:That's like two hours out the gate. I already got two hours knocked off my life right there.
Kyle:You just call your mom and be like Mom. It's too far, I can't take the risk.
Carlos:I'd be like come up here rather than go down there?
Kyle:No dude, I'd fucking hang out with my family. That's what I'd do. How wholesome is that man.
Ryan:You're not a very wholesome guy.
Kyle:My mom thinks I'm cool.
Erick:You're going to make him cry again. My mom likes me.
Carlos:So you're a very strong, handsome boy. Would you hug everyone before you left, or would you just bounce?
Erick:Would, before you left, or would you just bounce? Would you do the pot again Like?
Kyle:one hour. Just one more pot before I'm gone. Just lay it all on the line. I'd fucking die on the pot.
Carlos:I'd save my last hour on camera and die here, so you would give your life to the pot.
Ryan:Well how would you want your funeral to go? Because you heard how I want my funeral to go. Yeah, you want to be butt-ass, naked and hard for some reason. You can't be hard if you're dead. Carlos.
Carlos:Think about that logically. Yeah, but you said that you would literally ask what is it? The embalming guy Embalming?
Ryan:Yeah, just put a little clip on a little bow tie on me, a little clip on bow tie and nothing else, and nothing else, and I'm just they were like wow, we have zero respect for him.
Kyle:You want to be crucified Like you want to be crucified, Just naked.
Ryan:That's a good one. I want to be crucified.
Kyle:Hanging and swinging.
Ryan:Hell yeah, put me up on a cross in a field it's going to be like. What did you say you wanted to do? What was it called?
Kyle:I talked about a sky burial. Sky burial I want to cross sky burial, who kept getting eaten by the phoenix every day, and then he would regen. Sounds expensive, icarus, or whatever. Well, that's what you guys are for, you guys are supposed to fund my funeral.
Carlos:I ain't funding shit, why not? I'll throw you in the fucking waste management pile.
Ryan:That's fucked up.
Kyle:I think we've talked about it. Have we talked about all those fucked up places embalming people that look cool?
Carlos:Oh yeah, look cool. Oh yeah, In positions.
Kyle:Bro, find another dead lady. Find a lady, preferably 69ing Me, her With you.
Ryan:Damn. That's a good idea, that's a great idea.
Kyle:Or just me fucking hitting the buns from the back.
Erick:What do you think?
Kyle:your mom would think She'd be like I knew it, I knew it, I knew he wasn't gay. I knew it. I knew he wasn't gay.
Carlos:I said my baby wasn't gay the whole time.
Erick:And there you go, man. I told you, I knew it, carlos. What about you, man?
Carlos:It wouldn't be any of that. I don't know, man, I want to be burned alive.
Ryan:Not burned alive to be. Uh, I want to be. Uh, burned a lot, not burned a lot. Jesus christ, god damn, you want to be cremated. I want to be. Yeah, I want to be cremated. What do you want your ashes to be spread out? I don't know mexico an orange field or a strawberry field, shit what do they?
Carlos:what do they say? Oh, I don't know, I can't even think it's too sudden for me, man, I don't want to think about death.
Ryan:I don't want to think about death either.
Kyle:Fuck that Well you definitely can't think about death. No, dude, like everybody who becomes a parent, they're like I. At least have to make it until they're like 18. Like old enough to be self-s self sufficient.
Carlos:I was talking to my wife about death the other day for some reason, and I was like you know, I hope I can be better, you know, dead than alive she goes.
Kyle:You have no life insurance, that's true, I was like oh shit, I probably should get some life insurance. I can sell you life insurance, you can, I'm a licensed. I fucking got licensed shut the fuck up.
Carlos:I swear to God, how much can you sell me?
Kyle:I can sell you term life However much you want.
Carlos:Like I can get my wife a meal for me dying.
Kyle:Yeah, that's not even that expensive A meal Really.
Carlos:Not. How much do you think I can get At the Like at least 5.2.
Kyle:It depends, because it's almost like health insurance. So you have to go in and like, talk to somebody and be like do you smoke, do you drink, do you like?
Ryan:obviously, not right. Of course you gotta lie, you have to lie dude I had to lie, I feel like why would you?
Kyle:lie because you need more money.
Ryan:It's like health insurance so if I tell them that dude a health?
Carlos:insurance company can deny you if you say if you say I smoke fucking L&M's every day, they're going to be like all right, you're getting $200.
Kyle:Well, yeah, because they think I mean you're going to be at the fucking hospital all the time. You're going to be racking up the fucking money. So, you have to fucking you have to lie to those people to make them think that you're healthy and that it's a lower premium you're a licensed life insurance specialist in colorado I got licensed. I can.
Carlos:I would just have to go in and redo my not the test, but just have it renewed, renewed here, just go redo it so you can sell me like five mil now, fake my death, I mean that premium would be pretty high.
Kyle:One mil premium not too bad monthly once it starts, because it's not more than what $20 you think For a mil. It's around there. I'd say $20 to $50, if I'm remembering correctly. But no, dude, me and my stepdad was getting me into this thing. I won't name the company, probably for the better. He was licensed in. He was a finance guy, licensed in selling securities and bonds and life insurance.
Kyle:right, he's like yo, you got to get into this and I was like it was right after I fucking right after I lied about going to college and then came back and was like fuck, I mean you went but you didn't go, I don't know what I'm doing. And then I went and I sat, I took a. You had to take a class at this weird office three days, so friday, saturday and sunday, and they were like 10 hour classes, so fucking 30 hours in there. And then you had to go to a government building and take one of those monitored tests where they're like there's a camera on you. Yeah, there's dividers and I had to take there's two different ones, there's like two separate ones, and I passed one and then I failed another one. I went back, paid for it that time, failed that one and then went back again and passed it. So I was a licensed life insurance salesman.
Ryan:We learned something new about Kyle every fucking day, every day.
Carlos:He has some credibility. Jack of all trades man, master of none. You know that when I was in college they made me take my math classes that way Monitored.
Kyle:Like on a computer, were you in special classes.
Carlos:No.
Kyle:They would let you use a calculator if you were in special classes.
Carlos:They let me use like a regular function calculator, like only you know. Yeah.
Kyle:They let me use a regular function calculator Only you know, yeah, no parentheses, no square roots. I'm like what is this shit? Did you pass no?
Carlos:No, I didn't.
Kyle:You know what was the shit? I used to fucking love geometry. Geometry was so fucking chill to me, just shapes and shit.
Carlos:It wasn't even math, it's just sort of math yeah technically. So are you good at pool?
Kyle:Pool. Yeah, I'm better than you two. For sure You're crazy as hell.
Carlos:I've beat you many times I will say Kyle's pretty good at pool, but I've beaten him before, okay yeah, once or twice man. Oh shit, we on Ryan time now. What the fuck did that mean? You're the one saying that you want to get nailed to a cross and get crucified.
Ryan:Yeah, if I die. Yeah, yeah, would you.
Carlos:Let him like spear you and slit your fucking intestine, your rib, if I'm already dead, yeah, I don't care.
Kyle:Have you guys seen that the Passion of the Christ?
Carlos:Yeah, it's pretty gnarly. It's fucked up, dude.
Kyle:The fucking Jews murdered that dog.
Carlos:Yeah, Voldemort comes out.
Kyle:Yeah. Not a big movie guy like you fucking are. Why did the Jewish people not like Jesus? Because he was a fake. Jesus was a fake Is what they say. I'm not very religious like that. Ryan's really fucking religious. You got rosaries and shit, don't you?
Ryan:I have a rosary, yeah.
Kyle:Yeah.
Ryan:You have a rosary. I'm not religious. No, it's been keeping me safe since I got it, so have you felt a real rosary?
Carlos:What do they feel like? Like the ones that?
Ryan:smell. Oh, is it like the wooden beaded ones?
Kyle:Yeah, like amber Is that why they're called rosaries, because they smell like roses? I don't think so. I don't know. Do y'all?
Ryan:believe in God? No, I believe in there's a higher power.
Kyle:But fuck that you just don't want to call it God. You don't think there's a guy sitting up there?
Ryan:I don't know who the fuck's sitting up there. What do you worship? Nothing.
Carlos:The D Every morning, every morning, kissing his fucking D. You would think that we were lying, but we're not.
Ryan:I'm.
Carlos:What the fuck.
Ryan:Get up Fucking, brush my teeth, throw some. Well, I don't throw D on it. I throw D on it on a night time. Oh, you still do that. Throw D on it. What the fuck? I'm not changing. Get the fuck out of here.
Kyle:What is this? A fucking recap. Ten episodes in, we got a recap every fucking episode.
Carlos:No, ryan, stop us, you're on.
Kyle:Your mic is fucked up, buddy.
Ryan:Yeah, dude, mine is, I can hear it too. No, it's Carlos'.
Kyle:I have the Ryan mic. Oh no, there it is there. It is there. It is sitting on the course. Blue, Don't say the dog's name man.
Carlos:Oh shit, Don't look up Blue, please, You'll find him.
Ryan:You're not going to be able to spell his fucking name, so it's all right.
Carlos:Yeah, b-l-u.
Kyle:It's not even that dude.
Carlos:How do you spell his name?
Kyle:You ever seen the Jungle Book? Yes, the bear. What's his name? Christ.
Carlos:Maybe it wasn't blue.
Kyle:Baloo, baloo.
Carlos:Oh, is it based off of Jungle Book Blue?
Erick:Yeah, yeah, the bear.
Carlos:Of course it is.
Kyle:You know what I used to go to church, yeah, you said that, carlos, you're fucking up buddy.
Ryan:Yeah, this was you on episode three. That's fine, kyle. Is that? Why you're the way you are is because you went to church Used to New age metaphysical? I don't know what the fuck that means. Look it up, dumbass. I'm not going to look it up, so that's fine Fucking.
Kyle:Very spiritual man.
Ryan:I feel like I'm watching fucking Super Troopers with these huge douchebags with the fucking glasses on.
Kyle:I feel like I'm watching fucking Super Troopers with these huge douchebags with the fucking glasses on. I love that movie, man. I fucking love it. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries. Yeah, you remember that part of the movie.
Ryan:Do you remember that part?
Kyle:He said, that part's so fucking funny. What's your guys' favorite movie?
Ryan:of all time. Shut the fuck up, Kyle. Shut the fuck up. You know, that's the one thing I was thinking of.
Carlos:What movie has made you cry recently?
Kyle:Me, yeah, I can tell you which movie doesn't make him cry. But we've talked about that before.
Erick:This is just a recap of every single episode.
Carlos:What movie doesn't make you cry?
Ryan:Kyle and Carlos are getting into the fucking gutter. I don't know where the fuck their minds are going. I'm not going to lie.
Carlos:I saw a clip of All Dogs Go to Heaven earlier and I was like you know, it kind of made me tear up a little bit.
Kyle:Is that like Marley and Me?
Carlos:No, it's the animated version though.
Kyle:Dogs just die.
Carlos:But the flip side is it's the last scene and the child actor that was in the scene died already because she was murdered by her father.
Erick:Okay, how often do you guys cry, cry. Wait, this is a kid's movie. It's all dogs go to heaven. That was your first time crying in a minute no, but I just saw it.
Carlos:I saw it when I was waiting for your fucking chipotle. I was sitting there watching. I was like, oh my god, this is really sad that's a kid's movie, you said yeah, all dogs go to heaven last scene fucking christ the dog who's? Burt Reynolds filmed it after the daughter in the movie died. She was killed. Oh, she died in real life. Yeah, in real life.
Kyle:Her father killed her yeah.
Carlos:Burt Reynolds was filming the scene while he knew that the girl was dead and it was really sad. Did they CGI her in there? No, but it was already recorded. So, they just clipped it together.
Kyle:It was like fucking fast when Paul Walker died and they made them. This is more emotional dude. Everybody cried at Paul Walker fucking driving off Hell.
Carlos:Yeah, what's that song? See you Again.
Kyle:And I'll see you, that's.
Ryan:Wiz Khalifa right. That's Wiz, that's Wiz and Charlie Puth.
Carlos:The most random two to get together.
Kyle:I'll tell you who fucking sucks at music Wiz.
Ryan:Not back in the day, not back in the day, but now, yeah, goddamn, he fucking sucks ass. I'll fight that fucker too. Think about how much money he made way back in the day. He's fine. He's chilling now.
Carlos:Off of Taylor Gang. Yeah, taylor Gang was fire. You were probably a part of Taylor Gang. I had a couple pair of chucks, were you? Team snapback or team fitted Snapback.
Kyle:Wait, snapbacks or tattoos.
Erick:Both Swag or no swag.
Kyle:Swag or no swag. Swag or no swag, dude. No, wiz Khalifa fucking blows. I'll fight J Cole and Wiz Khalifa At the same time. Wiz pulled Amber Rose.
Ryan:She's gross as hell, and that's the type of lady that Ryan likes Usually.
Kyle:For him to say Amber Rose is fucking gross. That means something.
Ryan:You think I like a bald headed lady Kyle.
Kyle:Jesus, I don't know, no, but she has like the body type of some, like a bitch. You like Big tits, fat ass, Big tits, big fake, tits, big fake ass, blonde hair, blonde Buzz.
Ryan:Well, it's just not real. It's a fucking.
Kyle:I tell you you show me bitches who aren't real every fucking day and you say they're so hot.
Ryan:Am I ever going to bag them? Hell, no, exactly.
Kyle:When are you going to bag someone?
Ryan:Bag a bitch.
Kyle:Mm-hmm, I don't know. You shouldn't call them that. They're very smart and funny.
Carlos:They don't like being called bitches. Apparently Bitches, whores, sluts.
Kyle:Women are funny. Now, didn't you hear? They have feelings. I have feelings. I have feelings too. Fuck their feelings. Yeah, it's so funny. I was watching like a weird tiktok twitch stream and there was this, a lady like cooking, with like three dudes standing there and she was like talking about all the trolls like in there and she was like fuck you retards. I don't know you're like fuck, fuck you retards, I don't give a fuck. Like you guys need to get a life. And then the next chat was like why is the dishwasher talking?
Carlos:Do you follow that page? It's like Fucked up comments or something like that it's so funny, dude.
Kyle:Those fucking Twitch chats Are fucking ruthless.
Ryan:Sometimes Instagram is best.
Kyle:Instagram is fucking crazy, nah, I feel like.
Carlos:Twitch, they go ham and they use it Like as their title, and then they like Donate a dollar.
Kyle:Yeah, I don't know. I fucking. You know I was at, I went to fucking. You know what fucking Pisses me off what. When you're at A restaurant or sitting down somewhere and you don't Push in your chair when you leave, it's like a very big pet peeve of mine. You just get up and leave.
Ryan:Not pushing in your chair. When you shop at Publix, walmart, do you push your cart back to the car park? Yes, you don't. It depends, it depends, oh my. God, if I got to park far fuck no. I leave it in the parking spot but if I'm in too.
Kyle:No, no, you know what's a pet peeve of mine Go.
Ryan:Sometimes I have donned a dash before. That's fine Sure.
Kyle:I've been there.
Ryan:Kyle's a fucking horrible tipper. He's a horrible tipper.
Kyle:So either give good or don't give at all.
Ryan:You can't point your pet peeve straight at me, Listen, listen listen, I'll tip like 15, and he'll be like I'm going to tip 3. You already tipped 15, so that's $18.
Carlos:Oh, he piggybacks off your tip, he piggybacks off my tip.
Kyle:How does that make any? Sense I've done that before.
Ryan:That doesn't make any sense, but.
Kyle:I've also never walked out on a fucking tab asshole.
Ryan:I have probably like 10 or 20 times. Yeah, you guys probably eat a lot, I don't think you know what pet peeve means.
Kyle:You can't just say something, you don't like about what I do.
Carlos:You know, what I don't like about myself Is that Ryan wears ripped jeans.
Kyle:Yeah, a pet peeve is like overall in general. You see anybody do it. You don't like it it.
Carlos:It kind of constitutes that.
Kyle:Yeah, not tipping, I tip man.
Carlos:Piggybacking off tips.
Kyle:Is that true?
Ryan:I only do it sometimes I don't got a lot of money. I don't either. All right then. I don't either.
Erick:Kyle's frugal with his money Money-wise.
Kyle:Yeah, my fucking dude, when my stepdad and mom hear this, they're going to be like we fucking knew you were a Jew, fucking knew you were a jew, you're 100 of jew, they fucking. They'll be like, yeah, come over, like, bring beer, and I'll bring like a six pack and just drink all their beer I just brought myself fucking we. They were like they would all they all like take bets about how many beers I'll bring, because I'm such a jew man and you already killed a whole six pack oh yeah dude.
Ryan:The last couple times me and kyle have hung out, I bought in a-pack and left probably like 12 to 14 of them there.
Carlos:Yeah, and then you grab them to leave and he's like where are you going with those?
Ryan:No, no, no I haven't been grabbing them to leave, and he's like, yeah, you left the Bushes in my truck. He's like they're gone, though, they're gone, they're in my fridge. Now they're gone.
Kyle:Yeah was a bad one that was, that was a bad the halloween party me and eric went to was a battle that was secret, though, wasn't it the glass bottles dude?
Ryan:yeah, I fucking eric, it was such a whack it was such a fucking weird party.
Kyle:It was all. It was eric's friends, so I didn't really know anybody. I was just kind of hanging around. It was a costume party. I just wore a shirt with a skull on it. I was like just hanging out, we're just fucking drinking whatever, and eric's like all right, it's time to go. I was like oh, fucking bet bet I go into a cooler and grab like fucking eight glass bottles of seagrams. I'm like, all right, let's fucking go, and I start running out after eric and I drop one.
Erick:It shatters all over the fucking ground and I was like that's a pet peeve of mine, fuck.
Kyle:And kyle tells me but then listen how quick.
Ryan:And I was like that's a pet peeve of mine, fuck. And Kyle tells me I'm fucking funny.
Kyle:But then listen how quick I was. I was like, because I won't say the dude's name, but I was yelling out the dude's name. I was like I need a broom. I need a broom real quick. And then we just left. I don't know if that's then I just left so somebody else had to clean that up. That was a bad, that was a party foul. That was my bad.
Ryan:It's party foul. Ok, what the fuck are we getting into tomorrow night?
Kyle:I got to do shit tomorrow. Apparently, you want to fucking pop out tomorrow night.
Ryan:We're going to pop out tomorrow night.
Kyle:You say it every time. And then you're fucking passed out of my beanbag, throwing up all over my apartment.
Carlos:No, no, no, we're not going to leak up until fucking like 3 am 3 pm tomorrow 3 am, not 3 am, 3 pm Like 3, 4 pm tomorrow.
Ryan:I'll be fine. I'll be hitting you up late. I'll be chilling.
Erick:Just stay at his place, you don't? That was a resort I was living at. God damn, it was like $370, but it's fucking nice For one night For one night, you don't even live that far.
Ryan:Yes, I'm like. It's like 45 minutes to actually get to the beach.
Kyle:You're going to pay. What are you fucking? You're going to pay that. You're going to get that room there.
Ryan:No, probably not.
Erick:Fuck that, maybe, depending on how to do it. I'm going to do it $300, $400, and how much is it going to cost on your drinks?
Ryan:Well, it's fucking right next to Seabreeze, so it's like fuck. If I'm doing that, if I'm Dolo and Kyle doesn't want to hang out, I'm going to end up at the strip club. I'm going to the.
Kyle:Tiki Bar. Just say it. Kyle, yeah, we had some love for you bringing up, getting kidnapped in Daytona. I wonder what people fucking Seabreeze. When we say Seabreeze, it's like the fucking dingiest, shitty fucking.
Erick:It's dingy that's a great way to put it. So how long have you guys lived there? Just so people know.
Ryan:I lived, so Kyle's still there. I lived there from 2018 to 2023. Yeah, yeah, so from 18 to 23, I lived there.
Kyle:It's around five years, something like that.
Ryan:Just 18 to 23 I lived there. It's around 5 years, something like that, just about. No, it was like 5, just a little over 5 and a half years.
Kyle:I've been there. What the when the fuck did I move out here?
Ryan:Fuck Cause you got 2020, 20, was it 2020 or 2019?
Kyle:No, it wasn't 19 Cause COVID. I came after COVID. Covid was 2020. I think it was 20 Cause. We still, we all these motherfuckers.
Ryan:Covid was 2020, I think it was 20, because we saw, we all these motherfuckers are talking.
Erick:God damn it. Shut the fuck up.
Kyle:No, I. I came out in 2020. It'll be three years. Do the math It'll be three years in. No, it already was three years in May. So 2021, 2021, 2021. I've been there for a little over three years now.
Ryan:I was there for five little over three years now. I was there for five and a half years. I fucking love it. I'm going to move back to Daytona, are you really? I love it out there.
Kyle:Yeah, Well I mean, but I don't pop out like that when I go home, I just go home. It'll be very seldom I pop out to the downtown scene in fucking Daytona.
Ryan:I lived on Seabreeze For a year. It was fucking awesome.
Kyle:Just so people know that's like the most Fucked up People get shot there Like every couple weeks.
Ryan:If you ever want to go to Daytona and do vacation in there, don't go to Just take a walk Through Seabreeze. Seabreeze it's about what A mile long.
Kyle:Bro, there's like Fucking eight clubs Right there. There's a couple strip clubs, strip clubs.
Ryan:Coyote Ugly.
Carlos:During the day it seems fun At nighttime.
Ryan:it's not. It's fucked up.
Kyle:I remember last time I was there there was a prom party, an after party or whatever.
Ryan:Like a high school prom party.
Kyle:No formal, I mean it was formal. And this fucking dude with a bad bitch was just walking down the street and I was standing outside and he started talking to me and just handed me a fat fucking cigar he was just sucking on. I was like fuck yeah, dude, when you go there, you divert, you go down to everybody else's level.
Ryan:You go down to the scum level.
Kyle:And you're just scumming around, dude.
Erick:That guy's going to call me back.
Kyle:Oh, dude, that guy's going to call me back? Oh yeah, Watch your fucking mouth. It's Daytona, motherfucker.
Carlos:They're on your ass.
Kyle:I do not fit into Daytona locals, though, no.
Carlos:They've been there for fucking their whole life. They've been there since fucking 1970.
Kyle:I am not in that scene Fuck no. Hell. No, what are you talking about?
Ryan:You are, you were there.
Erick:You were there, I'm a local. You've been on Bike Week.
Carlos:Many times Bike.
Kyle:Week is fucked up. What was that bitch you saw?
Ryan:She had boner garage tattooed.
Carlos:I was going to talk about that.
Ryan:Oh yeah, Apparently she died.
Carlos:Did she Apparently she died. I wouldn't doubt it.
Kyle:We'll have here. I have it on my phone.
Ryan:It was apparently, like a mythical legend of Daytona, it's Ryan's WhatsApp picture. Apparently she's a Reddit legend. Everybody knew who she was Everybody.
Kyle:And every bike week she'd come out in like the skankiest little shit. She was a fat, chunky old lady.
Ryan:I had to tip her fucking $5 and put it in her bra to get that picture. Take a picture. Hell yeah, was it sweaty.
Carlos:Sweaty as fuck.
Kyle:It was fucking disgusting Boner garage tattooed above her pussy.
Ryan:She had boner garage above her pussy with two arrows on each side, oh my god, there she is, there, she is right there.
Kyle:Boner garage. There she is, right there, dude, it's her whole stomach.
Ryan:She's got a stomach pussy she has an arrow on each side of her stomach. Where's my phone at? Hold on, let me see. Does my picture look like that? Hold on, I think it does.
Kyle:That bitch is so gross.
Ryan:I think it fucking does.
Kyle:She loved it, dude.
Carlos:Dude, that's dedication. What do you mean? That's?
Ryan:dedication For her. I mean, she was slumming it. Oh, she did have the stomach pussy on there. Yeah, I didn't even realize that she did.
Carlos:She had the sissy.
Ryan:She was making some. Well, she wasn't as big in that picture, that was 2000. No, she's fucking huge in that one. I was out there.
Kyle:She must have made a lot that bike week. She was eating good. Hell yeah, she was eating good.
Ryan:She died. The pictures Is my picture on there.
Erick:No.
Kyle:Why would your picture Be on fucking Google?
Erick:You didn't upload it, did you? You're not that important.
Kyle:It was on Instagram. Yeah, it's not on there, sorry, buddy. Yeah, that is. That's fucking nuts. Jesus, fucking Christ, did you?
Ryan:mind your shit, fucking bullshit.
Kyle:I didn't remember her being that fucking gross.
Ryan:No, she was disgusting. Yeah, she was disgusting, she looked disgusting, she was disgusting, she looked disgusting, she was cool though.
Erick:I said there had a couple drinks.
Carlos:She was.
Erick:That was someone's mom, someone's sister.
Carlos:Yeah, imagine being her child.
Erick:Oh my God, what happened to new Kyle?
Ryan:New Kyle is out the window. He was just a skit from last week. He's gone with the wind dude.
Erick:What happened? Kyle explain.
Kyle:No, no, I'm still there, man, I'm still being very mindful, I'm still very connected with myself.
Carlos:You didn't call anybody a bitch today, so that's kind of nice.
Kyle:Did I not?
Carlos:Maybe you did, I don't know.
Kyle:If I did, I apologize. Like I said, women are funny. Now they, they're really cool. I would love to hang out with some of them.
Carlos:Do we have any women listeners on this pod?
Kyle:Yeah, we had them on. Yeah, we had her on Leilani's, the only listener we had her on. Like I always say, if you're a big fan of this podcast, you can come on here.
Carlos:Yeah, yeah, it's pretty surprising.
Kyle:It's fucking. Fuck you, dude. I don't tip bad, I tip good.
Ryan:Oh, he's so fired up about tip shit.
Kyle:I tip bad when I don't have much money.
Ryan:Then why the fuck are you going to spend $200 at the bar when you don't have fucking money? You do piggyback tip.
Kyle:You've never fucking. I've never gone out to eat with you.
Carlos:No, but what it sounds like is you try to piggyback off Ryan's tips.
Kyle:He does. What's your pet peeve with Carlos then?
Carlos:Yeah, what's my pet peeve? Your hair. You know what my pet peeve is with you. What this might be mean, say it. You eat with your mouth open.
Ryan:And I also chew gum and I smack. I don't care.
Kyle:Oh, you smack.
Ryan:Dude, when me and Kyle were in Naples last week, I was smacking on some fucking gum. I got a pack of gum every single day.
Kyle:Yeah, yeah, bro, ate like 60 pieces of gum.
Carlos:When I was out of town with you, we were eating. Remember the burrito tacos.
Ryan:Yeah.
Carlos:This guy cannot keep his mouth shut.
Kyle:He was just like oh, my God, I don't give a fuck.
Ryan:It's gross.
Kyle:You are a nasty little fucker, oh shit.
Ryan:I'm a nasty little fucker.
Kyle:I never even realized that you do smack your shit Like a motherfucker.
Ryan:Oh my God, I don't give a fuck To each his own. My brother, yeah, that's all it is.
Kyle:It's fucking what your pet peeve is, carlos' hair. Yeah, he can't fix that. He can if you take. You know, if you get why is my hair your pet peeve?
Ryan:I'm trying to think of what my pet peeve would be with you, carlos Little meat?
Carlos:No, no, it's not that.
Ryan:Let me think of this to not be mean. So I don't make Carlos cry, cause I have made Carlos cry before, just so everybody knows he's Doing what.
Carlos:Water works, buddy. What? Why have you made me cry? How?
Kyle:I don't remember. I thought I saw a tear when he Wrestled you. That one time he he couldn't breathe.
Carlos:It was also two in the morning and we were hammered.
Kyle:Right, but you were both Equally as hammered and Ryan fucking kicked your ass. See, I didn't think we were going to take it as seriously as we did.
Carlos:But Ryan, ryan went 100.
Ryan:Immediately I was also probably like Fucking 14 or 15. All of us were like 13 to 14 drinks deep we were a pretty turn. We were fucking lit dude.
Carlos:You know what my other Pet peeve is with you, what your hygiene.
Kyle:What do you mean? You're saying he?
Carlos:has bad hygiene. How do I see this nicely? His feet fucking stink.
Ryan:Your feet stink, they do. I've told you guys that for the three years I've known you, my feet stink.
Carlos:You use zip ties as a belt, even though you have one. Oh, you do that. My known you. My feet stink. You use zip ties as a belt even though you have one.
Ryan:Oh, you do that my belt broke, it snapped.
Kyle:Just buy. They're fucking $10. Buy one.
Ryan:That's work, attire.
Carlos:Yeah, but do you wear? Yeah, wear one of your Fendi belts or something.
Ryan:No, these are fucking leather belts. What the fuck.
Carlos:What else, what else, kyle. What can you piggyback? What is your? Pet peeve about me.
Kyle:My pet peeve about you, ryan can't think of it.
Carlos:So what do you think?
Kyle:You're a fucking dickhead, am I.
Carlos:Or am I real, as Ryan says?
Kyle:We don't want to talk about work on here, but goddamn, you're a fucker.
Ryan:Well.
Kyle:Sometimes, man Sometimes, but I get it because when you talk to me, like how I talk to you, it pisses me off so much yeah.
Carlos:I give it back sometimes, I know.
Kyle:It makes me so angry. But then I'm like fuck, I say the exact same thing.
Carlos:I feel like I talk to you guys respectively, though.
Kyle:Respectively or respectfully. Respectively yeah, yeah, sometimes.
Carlos:I don't try to belittle you.
Kyle:No.
Ryan:Because if you belittled me, I'd fucking headbutt you.
Carlos:Yeah no. I don't belittle you for saying that shit.
Kyle:I don't think I have like very specific pet peeves for you guys Like.
Carlos:I said, I feel like I don't have any pet peeves for you, my pet peeve for the longest time has been pushing in your fucking chair.
Kyle:when you get up from anywhere, pushing your goddamn chair. That's the only one I fully remember always having.
Carlos:So what constitutes? Have you guys eaten in at Hugh Magoo's or something?
Ryan:I've only had Hugh Magoo's once. Are you talking like a in at huma goose or something? I've only had huma goose once.
Kyle:No, are you talking like a fast food restaurant?
Carlos:you sit inside for yeah, like that they bring you you're still pushing your chair yes, but you bring in. They bring in the food, yeah, and then you have to throw away the trash and put the tray above the trash?
Kyle:can? Yes?
Ryan:yes so same thing with a fucking shopping cart from public to walmart.
Kyle:you go in there, spend money, get your food's the other thing You'll go to a self-checkout at these fucking places and there'll be a basket sitting right next to the self-checkout. You're like, just put the fucking basket back. There's a stack of them right there.
Ryan:See, I'm 50-50 on that because I'm spending money to be there.
Carlos:Oh, there's a ton of them too.
Kyle:So you're just making them pick up your baskets, making them.
Carlos:Publix is honestly the best grocery store you could work for. Why? I don't know they get stocks and stuff like that, like the benefits.
Kyle:That's every fucking big corporation dipshit.
Carlos:Really you think so?
Kyle:Walmart. I've worked at Walmart.
Carlos:They get the stock options.
Kyle:If you're a full time.
Carlos:And you can be part time and still get the sock options If you're a full-time. Yes.
Kyle:And you can be part-time and still get the no. You have to be fucking full-time, see that's the difference between Publix.
Carlos:Have you worked at Publix. No, I've had employees that worked at Publix.
Kyle:Sure, you did buddy.
Carlos:Not at this company, because none of you guys have fucking worked at Publix.
Kyle:I All my fucking, all my CO dogs out there know, king Soopers is fucking next level.
Carlos:King Soopers? I've never heard of that. What the fuck is that? Is that a?
Kyle:grocery store it is. They don't have the like subway, like the sandwiches like Publix does, but they have like deli and shit like that. Sushi King Soopers is where it's at. You can get up to like a dollar off. They have a gas station. Oh, a dollar off of gas, it's like a.
Erick:Bucky's.
Kyle:But a grocery store Kind of, it's not as big, is it?
Ryan:Piggly Wiggly. I don't know what the fuck Piggly Wiggly is, what the fuck is Piggly Wiggly? You know what's?
Kyle:fucking horseshit. What Winn-Dixie?
Ryan:I don't like Winn-Dixie.
Kyle:Those fucking suck dude.
Ryan:I'm not a fan of Winn-Dixie in fucking downtown over here and it's fucking trashy as hell.
Kyle:You ever see the movie Winn-Dixie about the fucking dog?
Carlos:No, no oh.
Kyle:There's a movie called Winn-Dixie. There's a book too.
Carlos:Yeah, it's based off the fucking book the dog dies and I never knew what the fuck Winn-Dixie was but the dog's name was Winn-Dixie.
Kyle:Did the dog? People love Dogs Dying?
Carlos:What's the name of that?
Ryan:It's like they do make a lot of movies off that shit. Winn-dixie.
Carlos:It's like a question, it's like Intern, what is it? Because of Winn-Dixie, because of Winn-Dixie.
Kyle:Oh, it's because of.
Carlos:Winn-Dixie. Yeah, yeah yeah, the dog is like a scruffy looking dog and it dies.
Kyle:Yeah and they oh. What's the plot? They find the dog and they fall in love with it and then it fucking dies. Every fucking dog movie it's a fucking heartbreaker that's why I fucking hate rom-coms. Oh no, they fucking hate each other at the beginning and then they start to get close and love each other, and then she leaves because he did something fucked up, and then they get back together at the end. Fuck you pussy.
Carlos:You're telling me you don't like a good rom-com.
Erick:No, you're touching the nerve. You're hitting the nerve, kyle. They fucking suck, that's my pet peeve. People who don't fucking.
Carlos:Rom-coms are good.
Kyle:I cannot like stuff. I don't fucking like. Rom-coms suck. Tell me a good rom-com, I'll fucking, I'll watch. Knocked Up. That's not a fucking rom-com yes, it is. That's a Seth Rogen movie. Is not rom-com, bro? Oh, 100% no, it's not, and I hate it. Knocked Up, same with like this Is 40.
Ryan:Fuck that shit the notebook.
Kyle:Oh my.
Ryan:God, I have never seen any of this shit.
Carlos:Hitch, hitch is good.
Kyle:Hitch is a good rom-com, hitch was only funny because Will Smith was in it 51st Dates 51st Dates Intern Intern Shut the fuck up. Intern 51st Dates. I will agree with Intern 51st Dates is good, but it's not a traditional I've never seen that one. It's not a traditional rom-com.
Carlos:I've never seen that one Anyone but you.
Ryan:Sidney Sweeney has the biggest tits.
Kyle:Is that her?
Ryan:That's. Sidney Sweeney, I was not a fan of her at first, and then I saw them tatas Game over.
Kyle:I'll tell you what. I guarantee you. That fucking movie sucked ass though Anybody fucking. Just look up Sidney Sweeney Big tits, fat ass. She doesn't have a fat ass, but she got big tits. And I'll tell you what. If you really like her, go on the Reddit and just search her euphoria scenes. My goodness.
Carlos:You are all about the Reddit.
Ryan:They're swinging dude. I told you Kyle fucking ruined my fucking life.
Carlos:He destroyed your dick he fucking ruined my life, you guys sure no he fucking ruined my life.
Ryan:I never knew about fucking Reddit, any of that shit, until I met his fucking ass Fucking. Three, four hours later, I'm stuck in a fucking rabbit hole. Why'd?
Kyle:you do that to him, you ruined him. You're on Reddit for three hours.
Carlos:Jesus. If the shoe fits, wear it, buddy. Is it like the Netflix thing he's like are you still watching?
Kyle:No, hell, no, that shit's fucking. You know it's good, because it'll fucking redirect you to a crazy ass link. It'll blur it out and it'll say NSFW. So make sure I'm not at work.
Ryan:Not safe for work. Look at it.
Kyle:But our intern knows I look at him at work, I look at not for safe shit at work.
Carlos:You look at him at work, or you look at the page at work.
Ryan:Kyle is the gooning legend. You're the edge Lord. No, he's the edgelord, but he's also a goon god.
Kyle:On Skibbity, no glaze. On Skibbity, no glaze, no glaze Our intern's going crazy right now.
Carlos:He just spazzed out.
Kyle:That's a new generation of lingo right there. Oh shit, that's brain rot.
Ryan:I don't know this guy. Sometimes I don't know this guy. Sometimes I don't know what the fuck he's talking about 10 episodes fellas 10 episodes.
Kyle:Yeah, we're here 10 fucking episodes.
Ryan:Dude, we made it I can't believe that.
Kyle:I mean, you look at it and it's like, yeah, it's really not that bad, it's really not that many.
Carlos:Do you go back and listen to our pods? Some of them, I make a point not to listen to sometimes I'll be listening and in the middle of it I'm like alright. I need to turn this off like you can get used to listening to yourself, but it's still very fucking weird just because of that reason, like it's weird listening to your voice it's very weird do you guys got anything to say to the people listening?
Erick:keep it coming dude.
Carlos:Why do you listen?
Ryan:I don't know if you listen to it.
Carlos:I love it, but it's so random it is I did. I did say like, as I got to know ryan more than anyone, I'm like dude. I need to put like a 24 pack of beer in front of him and just like write down everything he says I know these motherfuckers always tell me to wear a fucking gopro for my daily life.
Ryan:Yeah, it's hilarious. I know that bitch. Today I got into an argument with a fat bitch today. Yeah, what did you tell?
Carlos:me on the phone.
Ryan:A fat 40-year-old lady today was throwing a fit at me.
Carlos:I was like Ryan, just tell her to call the number. And what did you?
Ryan:say. I said I should have told her to go fucking eat a fucking otherunt to me. So I matched the energy and then she fucking turned it up a notch and I said, oh fuck.
Carlos:Ryan said he went super saiyan.
Ryan:That dumb bitch. She's been a fucking asshole to me.
Carlos:Yeah, I'm just sitting there telling her yes, ma they always get on your ass, fucking dumb cunts. Kyle, have you gotten anyone on your ass while we've been working this week?
Ryan:Well, it's whenever me and Kyle met that crazy, the fucking Tarzan motherfucker he said they see a big guy like Kyle.
Carlos:they're not coming up and saying anything to you, so they go up to you, they come up to me.
Ryan:They come and find me.
Kyle:Oh shit.
Ryan:Yeah, no I think a GoPro.
Kyle:We think it would be funny, but it'd be fucking depressing as shit For me, yeah, or for you. It'd be very depressing for us to watch you go about your regular day.
Ryan:I think it would be depressing for you too, kyle. No for sure.
Kyle:I'm not saying my shit is not fucking very extravagant, I think it would be for Carlos too.
Ryan:We're going to get a video of him, like three hours in a fucking playpen.
Kyle:Yeah, pan, yeah, you just see me running around. I don't think, I don't think you win the last time you fucking ran.
Carlos:Fat boy, don't run. That's not what I meant. Dude, chill. You're fucking two inches shorter than me, but you have 40 pounds I don't think that either of you could handle my kind of life that's fucking horse shit you think so, let's switch spots you want to switch? I am not leaving you in my house alone. Let's switch, switch. No, there's no way.
Kyle:One week dude.
Carlos:No way dude Maybe one day.
Ryan:What's that show called Wife Swap, wife Swap?
Carlos:I am not wife swapping you don't even have a wife to swap with me. I'll just be sitting in your fucking apartment on your beanbag Fucking with my VR.
Kyle:Yeah, but then you get the game and then I'd be fucking in your bed.
Carlos:I'm just like whoa, I'd be in your bed. No, dude, there's no way You'll have to reset my bed frame.
Ryan:What the fuck, carlos, you're fat too. Yeah, fucker, but this guy's bigger, he is bigger.
Kyle:Yeah, I'm a big guy. I've always been a big guy.
Carlos:Big dick too, dude, I fucking. I moved on my bed the other night and the frame fell and I was like fuck, it fell down. It caved in on you. I'm in my underwear trying to fix the frame underneath the bed, and I was just trying to sleep through it too, and I'm like this is way too slow, so I'm just laying. Were you laying?
Ryan:backwards or were your feet down? No?
Carlos:laying? Were you laying backwards or were your feet down? No, like my bed at the, or my head at the head of the bed and then my legs at the end, and I'm like this way and I'm like, alright, I gotta fix this shit, I'm not sleeping like this. Have you ever had to fix your bed frame.
Ryan:I don't have a bed frame.
Kyle:I always love imagining fucking Ryan, like that jackass skit where Wee man gets fucking jumped on by the big fat fucking lady, like Ryan just getting fucking-, suffocated, pounced by a fat fat lady.
Ryan:Well, kyle, I'm glad you brought that up, because do you want to tell everybody what happened when we were in Naples on Monday last week? Oh did we not talk about that? No, you guys did.
Kyle:Yeah, we talked about that, Just wait what happened yeah.
Ryan:I haven't.
Kyle:We talked about this.
Carlos:Do I not know about this? You do.
Kyle:Shut the fuck up, Carlos you know about this.
Carlos:That's a podcast.
Ryan:Let's end this bullshit.
Kyle:Episode 10. Shout out the socials man. Yo watch our reels. They're fucking going viral.
Ryan:Keep blowing the fucking reels up.
Carlos:What are you talking about over there?
Ryan:You look like a lesbian with those glasses.
Kyle:That's not a way to end the episode, man. This is our 10th one.
Erick:Weren't you going to tell us what happened? Just leave the fans some advice.
Ryan:Big tits, fat ass. That's the only way you can go about things. Hit up Ry Dog Actually. Yeah, hit me up.
Kyle:Oh yeah, dude, If we can get Ryan laid, that'd be nice.
Ryan:I'm going on a journey this weekend.
Kyle:Ooh, he's trying to get fucking pussy.
Carlos:Are you going to the place that you went before?
Ryan:No, no, no strip clubs. I was just fucking around. I no, no strip clubs, I was just fucking around. I'm not spending any money at the strip clubs. That's a lot of cheese.
Kyle:What are you trying?
Ryan:to be the muffin man. What are you doing, muffin man? I'm trying to be the muff god, yeah.
Kyle:That's what I'm trying to be. Trying to eat some Slash.
Ryan:Our intern knows all about the muff dude Ooh.
Kyle:You want to get some gash?
Ryan:up all in you, not in you on you. I want some butt, some female butt. You just want to sniff Buttholes. I want a tongue punch. Yeah, you love buttholes, you're trying to eat some ass.
Carlos:I am. You want to gape Gape Any Fleming Island women?
Kyle:Hey, chill, that's a podcast, thank you, for listening Bye.