Newest Lows
Get ready to laugh, cringe, and question the life choices of Kyle, Ryan, and Carlos as they share their most embarrassing, ridiculous, and downright stupid stories on Newest Lows! Join these three friends as they dive into the depths of their own ineptitude, and emerge with a newfound appreciation for the absurdity of life. New episodes released every Monday!
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Newest Lows
Episode 13: Youthful Looks and Social Media Mayhem
Can using a new body care product change your life? Join us as we explore our personal experiences with different brands like Old Spice, OGX, Native, and Dr. Squatch. We dig into our battles with skin reactions, excessive sweating, and the humorous yet frustrating moments of our wrestling days, igniting a friendly debate on who took the sport more seriously. Expect a rollercoaster of laughs and insights as we navigate the world of body care products and share our peculiar grooming habits.
Ever wondered how motivation wanes and body image changes over time? We humorously reflect on skipping early morning workouts and the self-deprecation that follows weight gain. Alongside teasing each other’s body types and height, we candidly discuss our perspectives on fatherhood and the right timing for having kids. The mix of serious reflections and playful jabs captures the essence of our friendship and offers a light-hearted take on life's ups and downs.
What does aging and media consumption look like in today's chaotic world? Tune in as we share anecdotes about mistaken ages, the desire to maintain a youthful appearance, and the absurdity of modern social media. From viral memes to explicit content on Twitter, we cover it all with raw, candid observations. We'll even take you through a wild night at a strip club and debate the impact of political events on our daily lives, highlighting the importance of focusing on our personal journeys amidst the noise.
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newestlows
Email us:
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Old Spice that's what you use for your body. Yeah, your body. It's old, back up.
Speaker 2:We're back on track. I'm watching, I'm watching, I'm watching. We're good. Ogx, ogx, ogx.
Speaker 1:This is like an old school brand. It works. Do you remember this brand?
Speaker 2:Oh shit.
Speaker 1:My mom used to use this brand. Do you remember the weird shaped bottles? That's like an old school brand. That's what I use now. There you go. I use Native what?
Speaker 2:is Native.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Native is good, but it's expensive.
Speaker 1:Native is very fucking expensive.
Speaker 2:It's too expensive.
Speaker 1:I only get it for the shampoo. I don't get their body wash or anything.
Speaker 3:That bottle of shampoo is like fucking $14. Jesus, it's a low one. Yeah, it's about.
Speaker 1:Native, but I get the. I use Bar of Soap. I use Dove Men Plus. Care with the charcoal shit, because if I use an Old Spice or anything like that Axe I'll break out, my armpits will break out and shit. I have to use skin-sensitive fucking body wash. Dr Squatch, dr Squatch. I have gotten Dr Squatch before. I don't like their bar soap. It doesn't work that well. It doesn't lather correctly.
Speaker 3:See, the only time I break out is when I use the gel sticks. Those are fucked up.
Speaker 1:If I use the wrong deodorant, I get fucked up too.
Speaker 3:It's horrible.
Speaker 1:I use Arm Hammer deodorant. Arm Hammer yeah, I didn't even know, they made deodorant Arm and hammer. I didn't know, they made deodorant what the fuck. I use arm and hammer toothpaste too. You got bank soda in it. That was their claim to fame. But yeah, they make a lot of shit now. Nice, it smells fine. Yeah, I just break out, even if I use the wrong laundry detergent.
Speaker 3:I forgot you did say that.
Speaker 1:If I don't do a cold water type of detergent, it fucks me up. But shampoo I can do any, but anything I use for my body, it'll fuck me up my skin is kind of fucked.
Speaker 3:It looks like you have fucking chicken pox right now.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I got bit the fuck up by bugs over the weekend. I swear to God, I counted them on one arm. I had 52. On one arm. God damn, I was like how am I not getting a fucking?
Speaker 3:venereal disease. Get Zirka or whatever the fuck that is. That one right there is fucked on top, right there, on top of your fucking wrist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude, it's fucked up. Hopefully you don't die my body type or something, or my blood type, I mean.
Speaker 3:What is your blood?
Speaker 1:type I have no fucking idea, I don't know either, isn't that? What Carlos is always saying. Yeah, Carlos always says my blood type is what causes it, Because I don't know. Like my entire family doesn't get as fucked up as I do See, but I sweat a lot.
Speaker 1:I saw that I thought I was sweating, you were that, I, I, I, I thought I was sweating, you were fucking, I was dying, but he, you were dying. Well, see, and I've, I've sweat like that since, like even in colorado, when I was wrestling, like in high school damn you'd be fucking. I remember my my coach like said he was like he, it was like a banquet or something.
Speaker 1:He's like this is the sweatiest fucking dude I've ever wrestled about you yeah, and I was like I don't know why the fuck I sweat so much you can use that to your advantage, though Wrestling for sure, 100%, but it's like a big like I don't like it.
Speaker 2:It probably throws off your opponent.
Speaker 1:Well it does, but in public, dude, it's like you walking in Like I'll sweat walking around outside than like seeing it through my shirt. It's like a very big, like personal thing. I don't like how much I sweat, like that.
Speaker 3:You know what kids used to do down here when we were wrestling. When I first got into wrestling, they wouldn't put deodorant on. So when they throw their arm around you, try to put you in, try to pin you or whatever. It smells like shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, again, it is funny to hear you talking about wrestling, because you really didn't do it.
Speaker 3:I did Somewhat. Yeah, you didn't though, did you? I'm sorry that we wrestled in different categories of it, but yes, I wrestled.
Speaker 1:You wrestled in fucking seventh grade. I'm just saying I'm going to hit you with.
Speaker 3:You're going to piss me off. I'm just saying Don't piss him off.
Speaker 1:You're going to fucking fire me up, buddy, I did a little more than you did, so don't talk about it like you know what's going on, because you don't. I'm sorry. I wrestled for a semester. I didn't even make it that far. I didn't even make it. I made it a fucking couple months in, maybe like two months, and I stopped showing up to fucking 6 am lifts. I was like fuck you.
Speaker 3:What were you doing instead of that?
Speaker 1:Sleeping. I was sleeping in you getting drunk. Then I wasn't even going to class.
Speaker 2:Was it just motivation? You just lost it, or what?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I lost all motivation. I feel that and then do you see what happens when you lose motivation, Ryan, you get fat.
Speaker 3:Stop talking down on yourself, buddy.
Speaker 1:I'm fucking fat You're not fat People hate me Because of it. No, they don't Everybody hates me Because I'm so fucking fat.
Speaker 3:You're not fat buddy, you're just a big boy, that's all it is. Yeah, you're just a bigger fella, no shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys are the complete opposites.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like looks wise Body type wise.
Speaker 3:I'm a lot sexier than you are. Well, you're like a short little skinny. What have I told you? What? I'm a short king.
Speaker 1:You're not short enough to be a short king, you're just short.
Speaker 2:Munchkin.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I'm not a munchkin Fuck off.
Speaker 2:You're like a little.
Speaker 3:Fucking troll doll. You gotta pay the dollar, yeah, to get under yeah you gotta pay the toll.
Speaker 1:Pay the toll, well, oh, welcome back the newest load.
Speaker 3:We are back. We're missing the. What is he at? The little fat mushroom fucker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, goomba's gone again. I don't know what that dude does. Mr Goomba Like sucks his wife's dick, or something.
Speaker 3:I didn't say that. I didn't say that Kyle.
Speaker 2:Mr Goomba.
Speaker 1:I'll tell him straight up, though His wife is wearing the pants around that house. Dude, I've told that to him, to his face too.
Speaker 3:Carlos is probably sitting in front of his fucking monitor right now and a wife beater Playing 2K Drinking Budweiser.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Budweiser at Coors Banquet.
Speaker 1:Got a little baby on his lap. Dude, his baby's getting big as fuck.
Speaker 3:I know.
Speaker 1:She's like she's actually growing into a little person. That's how that works, kyle. It's fucked up, I know, but it's so weird Because even with my mom watching all those kids like having an in-home daycare, it's so weird to like it seems like a long time during it, but it happens so fast Like they get fucking huge, then they start like walking. It's fucking wild.
Speaker 3:When do you want to have kids, Kyle?
Speaker 2:Soon.
Speaker 1:When I don't know when a lady will let me come in her, when I can blow my fucking juices, your snozz. No, I don't know, man, when the time is right yeah. It's going to happen or it's not going to happen. I'm not hung up on it too much.
Speaker 3:I'm right there with you, buddy.
Speaker 1:Well, you're never going to have kids. If they do, they're going to end up orphans.
Speaker 3:What the fuck does that?
Speaker 1:mean or adopted probably. Why, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Why.
Speaker 1:It's kind of the vibe, I feel, like you would accidentally get a lady pregnant and then she'd want to keep it. Then you'd have to say okay, and then you'd both have to put it up for adoption. No, no, you'll probably have a kid when you're like 38.
Speaker 3:Don't you, don't put that fucking hex on me.
Speaker 1:Dudes can have kids until they're like fucking 65. 70. Women stop having kids when they're mid-50s. Before that, even 50 into 60. Go through menopause. Dudes can blow loads into a young chick and have fucking.
Speaker 3:Also, I'm not going to be 40 years old raising a baby. Goo goo ga ga.
Speaker 1:I don't, yeah, you wouldn't know what the fuck to do. You've never been around like babies before.
Speaker 3:Yes, I have.
Speaker 1:When, when you were scoping out that fucking elementary school what the fuck does that mean. That's slander.
Speaker 3:Slander.
Speaker 1:What have you been around? Babies like little infants.
Speaker 3:My cousins.
Speaker 1:How old were you? How long ago was this?
Speaker 3:I was like 17, 18.
Speaker 1:All right, and you liked them. You think you'd like Having a little baby Right now.
Speaker 2:No, Fuck them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you wouldn't, kyle, you were. See, that's that's where you get it Fucked up at. You are worse than I am At what?
Speaker 2:Let it sink in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's have some Dead air here. When I ask you a question, explain yourself, dumbass. I'd be a worse dad than you. I think we've talked about this before.
Speaker 3:If we talked about it. We're not going to get back into it then.
Speaker 1:Who was here that said I'd be a fucking better dad than Goomba? It was Goomba. Goomba said I'd be a better dad than you would be.
Speaker 3:He's only saying that because he has a fucking kid now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he knows what it takes to be a dad and you don't have it. Why are you taking such offense? We don't want to have kids anytime soon, so you're fine, we're both going to be 50, and then we're going to move in together. We're going to be roommates Don 50, and then we're gonna move in together.
Speaker 2:We're gonna be roommates.
Speaker 3:Don't say that, don't fucking say that we're both gonna just be single and fucking die. God damn, that's fucking 25 years down the road, dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna be 26 next month. My brother just turned fucking 30.
Speaker 3:That is insane.
Speaker 1:It's fucked up. You don't like getting old. I was like what do I have to fucking show for it? It's not that I don't like getting old, I don't really care. Every birthday I have it's like, yeah, but even now I forget how old I am. I'll still. If people ask how old I am, I'll say 23, like off the top of my head and be like that was a lie. I'm not 23 at all.
Speaker 3:I got hit with the 29 card today. Somebody thought I was 29. You look old. No the fuck.
Speaker 1:I do not.
Speaker 2:You look older than you are, that's okay, how you gotta lock in, you gotta focus.
Speaker 3:How do I look? 29 years old.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying you look 29, but I'm saying you look older than you do. Why your skin?
Speaker 3:Elaborate.
Speaker 1:Your skin probably.
Speaker 3:I work in the sun. Yeah, you got bags under your eyes. No the fuck I do not. No the fuck I do not. Wrinkles.
Speaker 1:No People have told us who was that stripper. We went to the strip club. That stripper said it's good to look older until you're old, and then you want to look younger.
Speaker 3:Oh, she did tell me.
Speaker 1:When you reach that age, when you're like, oh no, when you look older than like 30. I don't want to. I feel like, yeah, at some point you do want to look younger, but it's better to look older when you are younger.
Speaker 3:I want to look younger, not older.
Speaker 1:That's why you shave Exactly. You shave your little fucking scrawny beard, See. But I think you'd look the same age even if you fucking kept your beard.
Speaker 3:I look like a crackhead. What do you guys tell me every day?
Speaker 1:You look like that without a beard. Like I just said, you'd look the same. I look like, but you'd look more mature with a beard, I think.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:No, try it out, try it out.
Speaker 3:No, fuck no.
Speaker 1:Eric needs to try it out. Eric's never had a fucking beard either.
Speaker 3:He just fucking keeps a little stache. He got a pedo stache.
Speaker 1:See, and he can keep the stache because it kind of blends into his skin color, so you don't really see it that much. The stache. Yeah, you can look at it and it's like, oh, it doesn't look like you have a stash. And then you have to really look, be like, oh, catch me at Home Depot. Yeah, see if you can pull it off. I got a double chin man, I can't shave my beard until I lose weight and fucking go on a fitness journey.
Speaker 2:I think that's why I haven't tried growing a beard. Why? Because it's like. You know, it's the makeup for guys. You take that off, it's gone, like.
Speaker 1:That's why I don't even I don't think I can. Oh, you just don't even want to put it on.
Speaker 2:No, I know I can't grow one, but also it stash or that?
Speaker 3:um the beard. Damn, I hate kyle where it's at chill out.
Speaker 1:Just kyle looks like a creep whenever he shaves his beard. We'll see, but I always, every time, ever since I've known you guys, every time I shave my beard fully. I've never gone clean. Shave you think yeah, I keep the like five o'clock shadow, though I never go full razor and then I keep the stash go. If I went completely razor and everything, shave it off I can't shave it off.
Speaker 3:We should the whole head.
Speaker 1:Should I not the head man shave?
Speaker 2:no, no, if I, oh man, I do not want to do it, shave it ryan, ryan will do yeah, but if you I just did it earlier you would have to do for me to do it, shave it.
Speaker 1:Ryan will do it, yeah, but if you I just did it earlier you would have to do For me to completely razor my beard and mustache for this podcast. You would have to do something. What would I have to do? Buzz cut I've already done it, no, but like Not a buzz, like fully shave your head.
Speaker 3:Zeros.
Speaker 1:Zeros on your head.
Speaker 3:I tried to get you guys to do it. You guys wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1:Nobody was shaving my head If you fully go bald Skinhead.
Speaker 3:Like skinhead, not skinhead.
Speaker 1:Bald. All of it's gone. Not a buzz. You're going zeros on the top and sides. I have an awkwardly proportioned head and I have a weird looking face without a beard and mustache. You have a creepy looking face without a beard and mustache.
Speaker 3:You have a creepy. It's fucked a little bit buddy.
Speaker 1:For me to razor my shit off. You would have to razor your shit off.
Speaker 3:Alright, we'll shake on that, we'll shake on this, we'll shake on it If I go full-blown, bald Full-blown.
Speaker 2:You're gone.
Speaker 1:You guys heard it. I'll go full-blown on the face.
Speaker 3:We could do this tonight. We're not done. We could do this tonight.
Speaker 1:I would need a little bit of time left.
Speaker 3:No, you would not. All you need is a razor and some shaving cream.
Speaker 1:It's so funny too. You already shook on it. It's going to take no time for my beard to grow back. It's going to take a while.
Speaker 3:It's going to take like six months. It took like four months three to four months for my hair to grow back.
Speaker 1:You bald would be so funny.
Speaker 3:Let's do it. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm down. If you do it, I'll do it, and if I do it, you'll do it In the books, in the books.
Speaker 3:Next episode. That's documented. By next episode Next Friday. We'll do it by next Friday. We're gonna do it.
Speaker 2:I'm down to shave my head tonight. Who's gonna do the?
Speaker 3:honors. We're gonna shave my head tonight. We're gonna do it tonight.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna do it myself.
Speaker 3:I can't do it myself. Yes, you can. I can't see the back of my fucking head.
Speaker 1:You need to buzz your shit and then just take a fucking razor like you normally shave.
Speaker 3:I'm not fucking going to get it. I'm going to Every time I shave, you have seen it firsthand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why do you?
Speaker 3:always cut yourself shaving. I have cut myself the last like three or four times shaving.
Speaker 1:How are you shaving that? You're always cutting yourself.
Speaker 3:Mowing it down.
Speaker 1:Does water.
Speaker 2:What do you use? Do you use shaving cream? No, I use body wash.
Speaker 3:What the?
Speaker 2:fuck, are you doing?
Speaker 3:I use body wash, and then, if I don't fucking feel like using body wash, I use hot water. That's why you know why they make Hot water and razor.
Speaker 2:Shaving cream For you to use that To make a funny beard like Santa Claus. Why?
Speaker 1:are you using Old Spice body wash?
Speaker 3:as shaving cream. Wait, wait, wait. Old Spice Night Guard body wash.
Speaker 2:There it is there it is right there.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, that's a body wash, correct? Yes, it doesn't say slash shaving cream.
Speaker 3:Kyle, do I have hair on my body? Okay, and I have hair on my face? Same fucking thing. When you dumb it down.
Speaker 1:You're not washing your my face. Same fucking thing when you dumb it down.
Speaker 3:You're not washing your fucking face, you're shaving it. Dumbass my body. Wash that I have Old.
Speaker 1:Spice.
Speaker 3:I wash my face with it every single day, religiously, religiously.
Speaker 1:I don't think you understand how words work.
Speaker 3:Why.
Speaker 1:Washing and shaving is a different thing.
Speaker 3:Does it hurt sometimes, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not shaving my face with Papa Tui fucking face wash from Target, the Rock Shout out it's a pretty good face wash. Why are you shaving with face wash or body wash? You can't shave with that, it's not meant for it.
Speaker 2:Some people got to learn the hard way.
Speaker 3:It works. It works just fine.
Speaker 1:Not really, because you're cutting yourself every fucking time.
Speaker 3:I'm in there, I'm scrubbing my face. I can't see I'm digging around. I find my razor and. I mow it down and then I pull my shower curtain back and I look in the little mirror and I mow it down.
Speaker 1:It's fucking crazy. What do you mean? What do you mean? You like hurt my fucking neck?
Speaker 2:Why Look at it?
Speaker 1:Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? Buy shaving cream.
Speaker 3:It's like $3. It is what it is my brother.
Speaker 1:What is your thought process behind using body wash? Why?
Speaker 3:I've always done that.
Speaker 2:We'll ask the people.
Speaker 3:I've always done that.
Speaker 1:It's like the whole deodorant thing we had going on a while back. Nobody uses fucking body wash to shave their face. What the fuck is the difference?
Speaker 3:What is the difference between my body and my face? It's all skin right. So if I can clean my body, if I can clean my dick and my balls right. I can clean my fucking taint. You know what I mean. Are you shaving your balls with body wash? Yes, yes, yes. Three in one, my brother. Three in one Face taint balls.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Say another one, then it's more than fucking three in one.
Speaker 3:Exactly. Oh my God, you want to see. I just edged up my little habit trail. That's fine, I just got it all nice and edged up. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I just don't understand the thought process behind not buying shaving cream.
Speaker 3:It's not expensive? What? No, no, if I'm already in the shower and I got to do some manscaping, why don't I just oh, I got some fucking Old Spice body wash right there, throw it on my face, throw it on my balls, throw it on my dick. A little bit on my taint. You know what I mean. Trim out. You know what I'm saying. It gets a little fucked down there. I'm a hairy fucker. You know what I mean. I got to do what I got to do.
Speaker 2:Have y'all heard of the hot tool girl?
Speaker 3:Hot tool. She's hot as fuck. Y'all heard about her.
Speaker 1:No. Oh, you got to give him that hot tool and spit on that thing.
Speaker 3:She's too white for Cal. That's not Cal. What?
Speaker 1:is that? What do you mean? What is that? She's too white for you? No, but like what Is that?
Speaker 2:like a she's just going viral saying that.
Speaker 1:She's going viral saying that yeah.
Speaker 3:A hot tip. I don't know what the fuck that means.
Speaker 1:He's talking about spitting on your penis. That's fine.
Speaker 2:Look at all you dudes.
Speaker 1:Why is that going viral though?
Speaker 3:The guys like her Because she's hot. Look at her fucking. She looks like Donkey. Yeah, she's got buck teeth. She looks like Donkey off Shrek.
Speaker 1:You just said she was fucking hot.
Speaker 3:She's hot, I'd fuck the shit out of her. All right then. Don't talk shit about her when you fucking say she's hot, it's not talking shit when it's realistic, kyle, realistic, no, I just don't understand that I did see some weird shit.
Speaker 1:That was the first time I see it. There's like a whole Stephen Hawking Like everybody on Twitter is like making pictures and memes about like the Hawk 2. Like Stephen Hawk 2-ing or whatever the fuck they say. Why, why.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I was hoping one of you guys would know, but I guess not.
Speaker 3:No, I just I've seen that video, I have fucking memory.
Speaker 1:Sorry, You're yeah, you're the guy on there commenting and making it viral.
Speaker 3:You would see my comment. I don't fucking. You are the commenter.
Speaker 2:I don't fucking comment on anything. I thought you said someone that we know does it Gooms.
Speaker 3:I thought it was Kyle that does it. No, it was Gooms. No, Goomba comments on shit. I think we talked about that too. He talks about it. Yeah, he comments on a lot of shit.
Speaker 1:What do you? I don't.
Speaker 3:What, what, what do you show stood up about.
Speaker 1:I would say why the fuck is that video going viral? I don't understand. Is that supposed to be like funny? It's supposed to be sexually funny. I think Leilani's still sitting here, Do you think that was like it was not funny at all?
Speaker 3:So what does Hawk 2 mean to you?
Speaker 2:No, like what she's saying is that you need to spit on it and get it all nice and wet, Like that's what's going to make the man work. But while she's valid in what she's saying, it's not funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like why is that a thing? I don't see why that's going viral. It's just like okay, cool, that's what you got to do. Yeah, and they're writing articles on oh my God dude, you really haven't seen this before.
Speaker 3:No what.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what the fuck is happening Like. Why is Maybe I'm lost, bro, maybe I'm getting old I'm gonna be 26 next fucking month, maybe I'm getting old for this shit.
Speaker 3:Your brain's finally developed. Now You're into being your brain fully developed you know what I don't fuck with.
Speaker 1:Developed now you're into being your brain fully. You know what I don't fuck with. On like just stupid shit that people make a fucking mountain out of. It's like making a mountain out of a fucking molehill for what? And then in fucking two days it'll be nothing. Nobody will ever fucking remember this bitch ever. Like there's nothing of substance nowadays, everything you see and I fucking we subscribe to it seeing all these funny fucking reels or shorts or whatever, all these memes like there's nothing there. No, it's all dumb bullshit that we just look at and go, oh, this is so funny, let me send it to my friends, which we all do. You, you, you Send the most fucked up shit ever.
Speaker 2:You? I don't know what the fuck. Who are you preaching to? He's preaching to himself. He's preaching to himself. The shit you send is fucked up.
Speaker 3:There's messages in the group chat that say I blame this on Kyle because I'm seeing the shit in my Instagram. That should not be there and I'll hold it down.
Speaker 1:All of these are better than whatever the fuck. Hawk 2 lady. She's hot, though she's not. Oh yeah, Brittany Griner's pregnant. Oh my God, she's not pregnant Her wife is that's a man. Yep, again, we'll go back to fucking Brittany Griner's a man. That's a man.
Speaker 3:Look at her fucking fro, god damn. The shirt off is crazy.
Speaker 1:The shirt off is crazy, bro. She chills by the.
Speaker 3:They said Thought, that was Tatum.
Speaker 1:It does look like Jason Tatum. Oh man, it was a bad one. Don't slander his name.
Speaker 3:He didn't win the championship. What is this one? It does look like Jake's potato. Oh man, Is this a bad one? Don't slander his name. He just won a championship. What is this one? Oh God, yeah, I remember this one.
Speaker 2:What the fuck man? What the fuck, I'm not. You can't, you can't you cannot, you cannot.
Speaker 1:Kyle sends this See, they're all funnier than that fucking bullshit.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, Eric, go up, go up Go to the golf one. Yeah, right there.
Speaker 1:Go to that one. We have a 300-yard ball for you. Yeah, it's just a fucking LP golfing Pipe this drive Center of the fairway.
Speaker 3:Pipe, this drive down the center of the fairway, center of the fairway, say literally. Dude Instagram.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've talked. Instagram comments are fucking unbeatable.
Speaker 3:They're the worst dude. They're so bad bro.
Speaker 1:See, but like this shit is fucking funny. I don't.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. You wish more people had your humor.
Speaker 3:Kyle, what's the main one that keeps popping up on my Instagram Breastfeeding?
Speaker 1:Drag syndrome, drag, oh yeah, the drag, yeah, wow, the Down syndrome, guy's dragon Dude, they're so funny.
Speaker 3:They're so funny, they're so fucking funny.
Speaker 1:I love those bros.
Speaker 3:They're living it up, dude, what's up Chicken?
Speaker 1:They are living it up, bro, but yeah, I don't know. It's like I'm at a very like, it's like between a rock and a fucking hard place.
Speaker 3:I love that song, bailey.
Speaker 1:Zimmerman yeah, bailey, I heard Bailey Zimmerman is fucking ass live. That's just what I heard.
Speaker 2:Let that sink in.
Speaker 3:I ain't seen him live yet.
Speaker 1:Me either, but it's like Because I hate all that shit Like Twitter. Honestly, twitter is X, it sucks X. I guess X is fucking brutal dude. I never go on X, that shit fucking sucks.
Speaker 3:It's either tits and porn or people dying. Dude, it's all porn. It's all porn now.
Speaker 1:Maybe any comments you're looking at. It's like a two-hour video of Asian ladies getting plowed.
Speaker 3:That is the worst, that is the fucking worst.
Speaker 2:I thought they started making people pay for that.
Speaker 1:Not yet. No, that's why he is trying to make it, so you pay 120 minutes of fucking little Asian ladies going. Eh, like the way they all sound the same.
Speaker 3:Like how. Chicken fry rice.
Speaker 1:Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 3:No, those Asian videos, those are fucked up. They're so bad.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's like Twitter is fucking dead bro. It's so crazy how Instagram and twitter have gone back and forth like throughout the years. It's like instagram will be dead and then you'll fucking everybody will migrate over to twitter, and then now instagram is popping the fuck off like they don't give a fuck they don't care.
Speaker 3:they show bitches full tits on their Breastfeeding. Baby, little mannequin, babies and shit yeah.
Speaker 1:And then TikTok is the most fucking brutal one. They don't do anything on there. I don't get on TikTok, I don't know it's hard for me. I fucking dislike a lot of that shit. It's like just making news out of bullshit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Who are you voting for?
Speaker 1:You really want to ask me that.
Speaker 2:I think they're having the next week or whenever, this comes out. Biden and Trump are debating.
Speaker 1:They're having that. What's going on? They're actually letting them debate.
Speaker 3:What the fuck happened with Trump getting found guilty on all 37 counts, or 34?
Speaker 2:counts. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:I guarantee you they'll bring it back up in November.
Speaker 3:They'll bring it back. They'll bring it back.
Speaker 1:But they're letting Biden debate Because they were hiding it. He wasn't at any debates for a long time. They weren't letting him debate, they weren't.
Speaker 2:You think they gave him a suit or something. Someone's in that shit they might have somebody under there.
Speaker 3:But no yeah they're there.
Speaker 1:Trump and Biden are fucking debating here. When is that it's coming up?
Speaker 2:sometime next week, probably on Wednesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Trump also.
Speaker 1:Trump is an old fucker too. He can still talk. He can still talk. He can still talk, unlike Biden, and Trump's always been a motherfucker, but it's like he's still an old dog, oh my God.
Speaker 3:Yeah, trump's like. I think Trump is 77 or 78. Yeah, they're both old.
Speaker 1:But Trump is not going gently into that night. No, Trump is still there. I don't know. Dude Biden's going to get fucking demolished.
Speaker 3:You remember when Trump and Hillary went to that debate? Right, it's awesome, it's fucking awesome.
Speaker 1:Trump and Hillary, see, but then it doesn't, this shit doesn't matter. No Fuck, no Hell, no dude.
Speaker 3:No't, this shit like doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:No, Fuck, no Hell, no dude, no because it goes to CNN and it goes to Fox. Have you seen, like those compilations of the left-leaning news and the right-leaning news?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Reporting on the exact same topic, and it's they skew it.
Speaker 3:It's day and night, it's completely different for their audience.
Speaker 1:Like there's no Everybody, I mean it's fucking.
Speaker 2:The whole thing is bad.
Speaker 1:Well, fox, everybody always says there's no real Nobody's ever just going on there being like this da-da-da, da-da-da.
Speaker 3:No, no, well, Fox and me falling out of it. Is they let go of Tucker Carlson?
Speaker 1:They let go of Tucker.
Speaker 3:I fucking love.
Speaker 1:Tucker Carlson.
Speaker 3:I love him CNN, but even then all those motherfuckers.
Speaker 2:they just care about money, dude. They don't give a fuck about anyone. It's all personalities now. That's all it is they have hot little correspondent.
Speaker 1:ladies with fucking nothing on showing their cleavage.
Speaker 3:They're celebrities, because who was the person who spoke for the White House. Who was that ginger bitch? For the Biden-Harris administration? It was an AOC. I don't know who was the ginger white girl. You know who the fuck I'm talking about? Yeah, what did she do? She was the. What the fuck? What is it called when you represent the White House, when you speak for them? Correspondent, not the correspondent. It wasn't AOC Alex Zando Cortez or whatever the fuck she wanted her name to be called. It was the uh Saki.
Speaker 1:It wasn't Saki.
Speaker 2:I don't know what the fuck you're saying.
Speaker 1:Stop while you're ahead bro. While we're waiting for that, look up dude kamala harris just invited that. Did you see that video of that dude in a dress for pride month going to the white house and meeting kamala harris? No it was like a I don't know. It was a gay couple or something, but a dude was fully yeah it was jen sake bitch.
Speaker 3:I don't know who that bitch is. Yes, you do, yes, you do. It was Psaki Jen Psaki, gay couple married by Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1:Look at this Get the fuck out of here. They made a whole fucking. Is this the right one? They made a whole video on this shit. No, no, no, that was way back, god damn, but like a dude a fully fucking big, burly dude in a dress and his husband or something, went to the White House and met Kamala Harris. They were all hanging out and she opened the door and he fucking freaked out and went crazy Dude, it's all fucking show now. It's all fucking bullshit.
Speaker 3:You remember how you said you don't like the Migos.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 3:You don't like them?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like them.
Speaker 3:Did you see the event they just had with Quavo?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:It was Kamala Harris, joe Biden and Quavo in. Atlanta. It was some event they had in Atlanta where they were endorsing like, oh, Quavo got all these grants and these scholarships or whatever the fuck was going on. But it was Kamala Harris and Quavo like doing all this shit they're hugging and all that Fucking weird.
Speaker 1:Weird Also look at how many people Kamala Harris put in prison For weed? For weed, I'm sure a lot. Have you seen the video? Joe Biden back in the day Kamala Harris put in prison for weed?
Speaker 2:I'm sure a lot. Have you seen the video of Joe Biden back in the day?
Speaker 3:Kamala. Harris is such a snake bitch. Have you seen the video of Joe Biden when he was back in the day? He was like I don't support gay marriage.
Speaker 2:We're not doing this shit, Don't support it, dude, and that's the thing. It's how you're saying about viral shit. It's only in the moment People, but it's only in the moment People forget about this shit. For the most part, there is people who you know, obviously know what's going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's never the majority.
Speaker 2:No, it's like they have news stations that are catering to one side or the other. At the end of the day, all they care about is money.
Speaker 1:They don't care about you. They just want money. It's fucking crazy. I just don't. I don't know. I like to think I'm like a there's a dog back there. I like to think I don't know. But then you can also say that this is like an evolution of things like social media and all this. Was that my stomach?
Speaker 2:You hungry? Did you guys hear the growling? I didn't hear it. I didn't hear it. Sometimes you get hungry, dude Damn.
Speaker 1:yeah, it was right here Trying to talk about something serious while my stomach growls.
Speaker 2:You gotta watch the bear dude, it'll make you really hungry. Yeah, are you trying to talk about something serious? Are you hungry, buddy?
Speaker 1:You got to watch the bear, dude, it'll make you really hungry. Yeah, see, but that's all the fuck they want you to do now is fucking sit on your couch and watch bullshit.
Speaker 2:No, that's not bullshit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it might not seem like bullshit, but it is. It is, it is, it is Is that the evolution of humanity was like is that the evolution, like of humanity, of society, is like social media. We're all online now. Apparently, russia declared us as an enemy.
Speaker 3:I've seen that. Yeah, Putin declared us as an enemy for the first time ever.
Speaker 1:All this shit. It's like is that just how like the evolution of it is going? Now I'm asking a fucking question, asshole. No, I am. I'm asking a fucking question, asshole no, I am. I'm thinking about it, just fuck off. I'm thinking about it. It's taking a minute, dude. No, I'm taking a minute Cause it's like, dude, like our generation.
Speaker 3:We grew up on the beginning of social media.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true. Yeah, beginning of Snapchat. I remember having A phone with internet that you could only like Barely go on a browser.
Speaker 3:Exactly Exactly. Snapchat first started out. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Instagram, facebook already been pretty Well see it's so wild how fast everybody adapted to YouTube and Instagram. It's like crazy.
Speaker 3:It's all porn now. It's all fucking porn now. Everything is all porn now.
Speaker 1:It is wild how that's not taboo anymore it's not all these porn stars are on all these podcasts and they're having babies and they're talking about all that shit. It's like they're acting like that was has always been my thing. They're acting like their kids gonna grow up and be completely fine and maybe they will, because maybe society has advanced that far along where it doesn't matter if I can fucking show you your mom getting plowed by a 12 inch black dick yeah, yo, that's gonna be crazy, see, but I don't think that.
Speaker 1:Like that schoolhouse shit, like that's as pure as you can be, like elementary, middle, high school, do you imagine? Like, do you remember like being in high school, middle school, around the lunch table? Like you're like make like dying, laughing. It's like this is the best times. Yeah, right there. Yeah, do you imagine if some dude turned his phone to you and your mom was getting dogged?
Speaker 3:full of tits, ass, everything.
Speaker 1:Get the fuck out of here and it's like all these, all these women are getting propped up like that get. Can I say out in the public view and all having kids and it's leilani has has said it we subscribe to it, we talk about it, we watch it, but it's also like it's gotta be fucking tough. Man, I can't imagine being like lean of the plugs kid, or adam 20, adam 22's kid bro.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna say it again, dude, but that's the thing, though. Like, when I'm on social media, I don't see any of that shit.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean you're not looking at the right shit. It's so, that's what.
Speaker 1:I saw a video I sent to my boy on Instagram and the first comment was like I built this algorithm brick by brick, jesus Christ dude my algorithm is absolutely fucked.
Speaker 3:Mine is too, mine's so bad.
Speaker 2:They make it to where you only see shit like that.
Speaker 1:It's like yeah we are as a society. I've said it we're a fucking whore culture right now. No, no, yep, I'm going to say this we are a completely whore culture and don't cancel me, but it's the cool thing to be a whore now.
Speaker 3:No, it is.
Speaker 2:No, you got to think about it.
Speaker 3:It. It is these people they're in. Why am I going through my Snapchat and one of my stories and one of the little boxes that I?
Speaker 2:can click on.
Speaker 3:Sex sells dude.
Speaker 1:I just got fucked by two guys, sex has always sold and it always will. Yeah, it's just different ways of Everybody's a horny motherfucker.
Speaker 2:They're just different ways of you know finding it. Now, that's all it's doing.
Speaker 1:It's adapting to what it's making it vr doing all that. Well, you think back when you only had fucking playboy, you only had nudie mags, and to get those you had to order them online and have them shipped to your fucking house. And they're also mid nowadays. It's mid. It's all made back then. That's all you fucking had.
Speaker 1:So it's mid, it's all mid Back then. That's all you fucking had. So it's like that's just evolution evolving. But every you think back to like ancient Roman times, all this shit there's always been transgender people, there's always been gay people. They've always butt fucked, they've always been asexual, even like emperors and kings and all this shit. How the fuck do you know this?
Speaker 1:It's history man, it's just history. Where do you think all this stuff came from, bro, nero, you look like Nero. He was, I think, a Rome or whatever. Like all these emperors that came up, they're all fucked. A lot of them not all of them, a lot of them were. That's just how the society and the culture was. You'd have all these big parties and you'd have had big orgies and you'd fuck guys, you'd fuck girls, all this shit. But now it's so publicized and so available to everyone that it's like it feels weird.
Speaker 2:But this is how empires are created and how they thrive and what they do it like. I don't know if gluttony is the right word to use, or I've seen this. There's a movie. It's called spirited away uh, it's the anime one where it's like these people are they're eating so much they turn into pigs, and that stuck with me. It's like you can. Yeah, I don't want to be a pig, I don't yeah, that is gluttony.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're correct. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, well, and see like shut off.
Speaker 2:I like listening to music and that's it they always say, history repeats itself.
Speaker 1:And it's fucking true, because you can look back at all this shit and it's the exact same thing, maybe in different facets with social media and the internet, but it's all the exact same circle that we find. We're gonna rise and we're gonna fall, like usa, obviously, number one right now.
Speaker 1:Fuck everybody else fuck, don't say mexico yeah, but it's like it's gonna happen, like we're gonna fall. Who else comes in power is gonna fall. It's like it's all a fucking. It always repeats itself, it's always that way, and right now it's like what was that thing? There's a fucking.
Speaker 1:They gave internet to a like african tribe and they started and all they did start was watching porn and furiously masturbating as soon as they get the of here yeah as soon as they got the internet, all they were doing was watching the Hub, and all they were doing was watching porn. It was fucking hilarious Nice. It was like that's just the way things are going. You can either fucking, I mean, you can have your opinions about it, but that is the way shit is going and how it is right now.
Speaker 2:So Just up to you how much you want to take it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just hope fucking nobody launches a fucking nuclear bomb. I hope not.
Speaker 2:What do you think about everything we just said?
Speaker 1:I got to piss, so bad Damn, go take a piss. I'll talk for a minute. Me and Eric will talk for a minute.
Speaker 3:I got to piss.
Speaker 1:I got to piss so bad. Go take a piss, go ahead. Yeah, go take a piss and come back. We're still pretty in there. How long has this been? What's the time? 41. Bang, we still got another 20.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but no it. Yeah, it just fucked up. But you just got to set your own path, like what do you want to take in?
Speaker 1:What do you not See? But also, it's not even that fucked up, it's like, because it is human nature.
Speaker 1:It's all like, at the end of the day you think about it. It's just humans. Like you said, sex always sells because everybody's fucking horny. You always want to come women and women and dudes and it's like at some point you have to just like accept that. That's why I feel like I'm pretty cool, because I don't I don't subscribe to anything that much. Do you know what I mean? It's like all these like people care so much about, like cnn and fox, like we were talking about, all these older people. They subscribe wholly to this. One idea of trump is bad or b is bad. It's like, oh, she's like I don't believe in anything that much. It's like you have to take it all. I feel like, at least like, take it all with a grain of salt, because, like, if you start believing in this one thing, it's like, dude, there's so much now.
Speaker 2:It just is at the end of the day. For me, and for that example, it's just money at the end. They don't care what side they're on, they're just trying to make money.
Speaker 1:No, and you can like take your whole shit and just drive yourself fucking nuts on like this one thing, whether it be politics or everything else going on. I don't know everything else going on, I don't know. It's like dude, just fucking. All you, all it is now is still just fucking doing what you do and living your own shit. Yeah, because, like they complain about these presidents and all this shit, I haven't really seen. Have we seen on this level, most of America, that big of a fucking difference in anything? Maybe gas prices go up, but gas prices have always gone up and gone down.
Speaker 2:It's like how, like yeah, at the end of the day, I feel like these past four years with joe biden I've been chilling.
Speaker 1:I was chilling when trump was in office too I've been chilling when obama was in office, like, yeah, it's all what you subscribe to and it's like you can't. My thing is that's my thing, so we can kind of kind of go over this already.
Speaker 2:it's all what you subscribe to and it's like you can't. My thing is I think so we can kind of kind of go over this already. It's my thing is, at the end of the day, man. I hope these people are watching out for us, but that's the thing I can only hope. I don't know anyone's true intention, no one knows, and I, at the end of the day, that's why I don't worry too much about that shit. I just hope they are human beings like they know.
Speaker 1:but yeah, you hope, but you've also never fucking, you've also never had a hundred million dollars exactly that's what I'm saying money, money talks dude money and sex, let's talk about that, ryan, no no, let's talk about the uh do you about? Our little strip club adventure. It was a good time. My fucking fault on those strip clubs why, do? They always make you think like they care. They always act like they care, so much, but they don't Fuck no, they don't they don't. I told you you went and got a dance.
Speaker 3:I got one dance, yes.
Speaker 1:But from two ladies.
Speaker 3:One of them was One of them was the love of your life one of them had three kids and the other one was three. I thought she said fucking one well, she said one.
Speaker 1:And then she came back out and I was like, oh, that's a nice neck tattoo. And she said oh, that's my, uh, that's my kid. And I was like, wait, I thought the other one was your kid. It's like, oh, I have two kids, because she told us one yeah so she had at least two. I'm just gonna round it up to three triplets, but then that one, that one was 19 she was hot, though, and I was like whoa, because we offered her a drink.
Speaker 1:We have to buy her a drink. And she was like I can't drink. I'm 19. Like how are you working here? You can dance here when you're 18. It's like what the fuck? Starting early. Hottest one, though she was.
Speaker 3:That was the love of Kyle's life.
Speaker 1:You got to dance from her motherfucker.
Speaker 3:I had a great time.
Speaker 2:I had a great time. Would you time? Would you guys fight over a girl?
Speaker 3:no, I'm hell no hell a whore there's a difference between a girl and a whore.
Speaker 2:If you guys were both fighting for a girl, who do you think is gonna get her between both you guys? Just make it, make it, make believe it's hypothetical, because you have very different tastes and women yeah, imagine you guys both like the same chick who's who's getting her me ryan would be fucking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Ryan would go too far.
Speaker 3:What does that mean? Ryan would? What does that even mean?
Speaker 1:Ryan would ruin like the whole front. He would ruin everything.
Speaker 3:No, the fuck, I would not you absolutely would. No.
Speaker 1:No, if we were fighting over the same girl, you would go way too far. Bananas.
Speaker 3:Kyle.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 3:When we first got to I'm not going to say when we first got to the Gentleman's Club. Okay.
Speaker 1:When we first got to the Gentleman's Club.
Speaker 3:Yeah, when we walked in, it was me, you and that motherfucker in there with the jeans with the alligator boots Correct, or the alligator snakes, alligator boots. It was me, you and that motherfucker in there with the jeans with the alligator boots Correct, or the alligator snakes alligator boots.
Speaker 1:It was just us. We were the only people at the bar.
Speaker 3:We were the only people there Other than the chicks yeah.
Speaker 2:When that chick came around you.
Speaker 3:shit, you shit. I like that one.
Speaker 1:The blonde one.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:Oh, the Spanish one.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you were talking to that blonde one. No, oh, the spanish one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, but you were talking to that blonde one, for you started talking that blonde one. I would have fucked the shit out of her.
Speaker 1:She was so gross dude and I don't know you fucking. You went out, you went in the back for that dance. You got a double dance, double whammy. You got the double whammy. What'd'd they do? What'd they do back there?
Speaker 3:Tits, ass they're both on one leg. Yeah, shit To each his. One on this side, one on this side, I wanna see you at the strip club.
Speaker 2:I wanna see how that looks. I gotta go.
Speaker 3:What do you mean? No, no, it was good that Kyle was here with me, because Kyle was like fucking I don't wanna go.
Speaker 1:I said I'm going to pay for us to get in. I said I'll pay for it, did I not? Yeah, you paid the $20 for the $20 to get in, that fucker $20.
Speaker 3:$40. $40 just for me and Kyle to get in, just to cover, and I said I'll get the first like two rounds of drinks.
Speaker 1:You got one round, you got us the first round, and then we were going back and forth.
Speaker 3:Back and forth, back and forth, and then I don't want to pay for any fucking damn, but you pulled out.
Speaker 1:Because you pulled out $300 and then you turned $200 into ones. No, it was not that much. You had to go to the manager's table to turn them into ones. I did $200 into ones. I don't know how much you did in ones.
Speaker 3:I thought I did like $80.
Speaker 1:But you pulled out $300 from the. The atm gave you 20s and then the 40 to get in and then you went to the manager's table at one point to get ones. I don't know how much you got, but you had enough for the dance I paid.
Speaker 3:I paid in 20s with the dance I paid still in 20s and you still.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got all the ones, but when you were that shit is not my scene, bro. I hate that shit Cause I was like I was just like talking like normal, especially when you went back to get the dance. You were gone for like 2 minutes, 3 minutes, whatever.
Speaker 3:Shut the fuck up. It was longer than that. It was longer than that. I don't fucking remember how long it was. It was longer than that, buddy.
Speaker 1:But you went back there and there was that fucking. There was a lady sitting next to me. I was just standing at the bar. There was a lady sitting next to me trying to talk to me and I was just like talking like normal, being like, yeah, what's up, where are you from? What's going on. She was like do you like this type of stuff? It's like do you want to dance or anything? I was like no, no, no, I'm just looking after my boy over there, I'm just kind of having some drinks. And then didn't say anything and we had had like a fucking five-minute conversation, like about whatever, like bullshit, and I was like, damn, she might be into me.
Speaker 3:And then as soon as I said I'm not into it.
Speaker 1:She got up and left without saying a word. I was like that's what they do. That's why I don't want to give those fucking whores money. Also, my fucking card bounced. Your card did bounce.
Speaker 3:Your card did bounce.
Speaker 1:We were trying to walk in there like big ballers and my card bounced the very first round. I bought it bounced. I was like fuck, no, I gave you the wrong card. That was the wrong one.
Speaker 3:Got four cards out of his wallet.
Speaker 2:I gave you the wrong one, were you buying drinks for a chick too, or just Ryan?
Speaker 3:It was just me and Ryan. Oh shit, no, I was buying What'd you say, Ryan? I was buying the drive. I didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1:He was like you can't have your car bouncing here, man. Fuck Son of a bitch. She would know. Because even when she was saying something, I was like I ain't got money to do shit like that. I was like I'm not trying to play, like I'm a fucking big dick swinging motherfucker.
Speaker 3:No, I have no money. Stay away from me. You remember the first bitch we met, right, she was like 5'10".
Speaker 1:Oh, the black one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, the light skin, one Still black, what's?
Speaker 1:wrong with calling people. They want you to call them colored people. That sounds way more racist than just saying fucking black. I don't agree with you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she was tall, she was fucking. She was taller than shit. She was tall. And I told her I said you're too tall for me. Oh, height don't matter. I said oh, it does, it does.
Speaker 2:It, does it, does you found out the hard way?
Speaker 3:I don't know, I'm a short king, but I'm not doing that. No, fuck, no, hell.
Speaker 1:No, if you were a short king, you would climb that fucking tree.
Speaker 2:She was like 6'5 with her heels on what the fuck? Sometime you got to yeah, why do they?
Speaker 3:wear such big heels. Yeah, no, it was funny though, cause it was like Me and Kyle walked in, went to the bar and we there was just me and Kyle and there was probably like Fucking what 10 strippers and there were 12 strippers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're all just sitting around.
Speaker 3:They're all just sitting around. It was.
Speaker 1:It was interesting. It's such a weird dynamic To me. Strip clubs like that, I just don't know, I just don't get it. Yeah, I just stood at the bar the entire time, just kept ordering beers or whatever.
Speaker 2:Ryan gets into it. I love it, it's a scene.
Speaker 1:I love it, not my scene. It's my scene Until he blacks out.
Speaker 3:I got way too fucked up. I got way too fucked up, way too fucked up, I way too fucked up, way too fucked up.
Speaker 1:Say it again. So the people really know Way too fucked up. You get fucked up every time we go out. Man, you can't take shots. We took a lot of shots. We took like you bought two, probably. Yeah, we probably took like you bought two, probably. Yeah, we probably took like six shots.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ryan's little, he's a little guy.
Speaker 3:I try to go drink for drink with Kyle, but it doesn't work you always try, it doesn't work man, it doesn't work, you can't do it. It doesn't work. Kyle's fine and I'm fucked up.
Speaker 1:You're like a little person.
Speaker 3:You're my little buddy I said, no, I'm just looking after my friend. He just got a dance. He said I'm looking after my friend, I'm keeping, I'm keeping. Make sure he's keeping an eye on him. I'm keeping it on the leash.
Speaker 1:Fuck you, buddy I hate that dynamic, though, of them like trying to fucking, trying to get my money. It's like get the fuck off me bitch, don't fucking touch me, man. I couldn't believe they fucking hired that Hottest one in there obviously was 19 years old.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Hottest ones possible, the younger they are Not. Well, hold on, that was Miss, that's not. That came out different than how I meant it.
Speaker 3:But she was also fuckeded, though I couldn't understand the words she was saying.
Speaker 1:She had a fucking Spanish accent. Her name was. Her name was Madrid. She was from Spain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, her shit was fucked. I couldn't understand. She didn't understand what I was saying All of them in there.
Speaker 1:They're always so rugged man.
Speaker 3:That's why they, that's why they're 22 years old with three kids Fuck Shaking ass.
Speaker 2:We need to focus, gentlemen.
Speaker 3:I had a great time.
Speaker 2:From what I can remember. I remember the dance.
Speaker 3:I had a great time.
Speaker 2:We got to lock in.
Speaker 1:We have to be strong men. Yeah, no, fat, no coming Alphas, sigmas. We got to stay strong in our goals. No, you can't falter to these fucking wet pussies. I love whores.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you do I do, yeah, but at the same time.
Speaker 2:You just said you didn't, I do I do, I have no.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I have no self-control.
Speaker 2:I have no self-control. You probably should practice something.
Speaker 3:I have no self-control At the casino, the strip club, all.
Speaker 1:I'm on. Yeah, you bought like a how much was that hotel room? Too much, that hotel room was too much. It was nice, though it was nice, and then all your boys bailed. They all did.
Speaker 3:All your dogs bailed. They did.
Speaker 1:And I'll be honest with you, it was kind of sad. Why it was kind of a sad outing?
Speaker 3:Do you think I was sitting there being sad?
Speaker 2:Because you bought an expensive-ass hotel but didn't have money to do anything else. I don't care.
Speaker 1:And Eric and his girl came down and I was like this is tight. Then it was like damn.
Speaker 3:You were sad for me when you were leaving.
Speaker 1:I was just like I'm just going to go, I'm going to go home.
Speaker 3:To each his own. My brother, I wasn't sad. I don't give a fuck. No, you're happy. I told you guys I wouldn't do that shit regardless. We did see those tits through the window. You saw them and then you showed me us.
Speaker 1:We were fucking creeping on some ladies across the way you were creeping. I fucking swear I wish I had binoculars.
Speaker 2:You good, I would have been in that dude Binoculars.
Speaker 1:I wanted to figure out their fucking room number no, you didn't say Ryan, what floor they are cow said that's, that's that's what?
Speaker 3:oh fuck, all right.
Speaker 1:There's tits over there, jesus.
Speaker 3:Okay, you were looking. You were looking too. What are you gonna?
Speaker 1:do man?
Speaker 2:I can't see that far.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your eyes are fucked.
Speaker 3:They're very bad. I got great vision. I saw the fucking Double tatas.
Speaker 1:Even with great vision, sometimes you're blind Blind to what Sound like fucking Spiderman or Uncle Ben With great responsibility. With great power Comes great responsibility.
Speaker 2:Classic.
Speaker 1:Classic.
Speaker 2:I've seen that one with that girl you like.
Speaker 1:Sidney Sweeney.
Speaker 3:It was good.
Speaker 1:Madame Webb, no, it wasn't good.
Speaker 3:Sidney Sweeney. I like her tits.
Speaker 1:Not her.
Speaker 3:I like her tits. Here we go.
Speaker 1:She's not even a fucking good actress. The only reason she's in shit is because of her tits. That's it. That was your argument.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm saying. It's just so easy. Why can't I be a goddamn fucking Gucci model? Louis Vuitton model?
Speaker 2:You got to try, why can't it be the model?
Speaker 3:I don't think you understand how things aren't as easy as they seem. I don't have tits or a fat ass.
Speaker 1:Yo, if you were a girl, you'd have the smallest tits of all time.
Speaker 2:You'd be the girl that posts something on OnlyFans and no one subscribes.
Speaker 3:Don't put that hex on me, don't you fucking put that hex on me. So you're told out there, just for nothing.
Speaker 1:Don't you put that juju on me yeah you post like 30 videos and pictures and get like $15. You'd be like that's pretty good.
Speaker 3:That's $15 more than I had.
Speaker 1:I will agree with you she's fucking a terrible actress.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:A movie buff. She's not a good actor.
Speaker 2:No, ryan, where have you seen her act? The clips that Kyle has shown me. You have seen the full movie from her.
Speaker 1:All of the clips have no sound, they're just her taking her tits out.
Speaker 2:Great Great.
Speaker 1:I don't like her voice. I think she's a bad actress. Obviously she has nice tits, but movie Movie wise. I don't think she's great Money wise. I'd rather see, I'd rather see a lot of other actresses Play her roles Like who's right now your top?
Speaker 3:Kyle's top is Zendaya, zendaya.
Speaker 2:I love Zendaya. You should watch her on Challengers Pretty good.
Speaker 1:Anya Taylor-Joy.
Speaker 2:Who the fuck is that?
Speaker 1:Ana de Armas. I don't think she's that hot, but she's a great actress. Who?
Speaker 3:the fuck are these people? Who the fuck are these cunts?
Speaker 2:A little bit more elevated.
Speaker 3:Yeah, see, they don't have tits like Sidney Sweeney, though they're flat chested Charcuterie boards.
Speaker 1:It was fucked up. Euphoria is fucked up. They're obviously none of them are high school age, but they're like it got so big and they're just portraying like fucked up shit in high school, like Like ass, rape, god, what the fuck? Yeah it's. They're like they're talking about all this shit and showing it in Euphoria like they're in high school.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's like all this sexual assault and all this scandal. Do you ever see fucking?
Speaker 3:It's fucking weird how they're doing that. Do you ever see what was All American?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:It's weird. It's another little high school show. Whatever it is, it's fucking weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's weird. Why are people putting everything In fucking high school, being like?
Speaker 3:The dude. The main actor in there Was like 34 years old, being like a junior in high school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just weird that that's the time frame that you're putting all this in. It's like high school Underage, like acting like they're underage Fucking on camera. It's weird as fuck to me. I don't know if they're fucking on camera.
Speaker 3:That's weird Euphoria. I have not seen Euphoria. I've seen they're fucking every episode on camera.
Speaker 2:Dude Eric's seen it, I've seen the first episode, I was like this is too much.
Speaker 3:Dude, we watched the first episode together it does show very traumatic shit.
Speaker 2:that probably happened to a lot of people and so I can't watch that shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's about drugs and trauma and fucking sexual. It's weird as fuck that it got that big. It's very strange to me that that got propped up as the thing to watch. Drake liked it Well. Drake's a pedophile now.
Speaker 3:He's a fucking, he's a chomalizer.
Speaker 1:Apparently Drake's. You see that fucking Kendrick show where he brought out Tyler, the creator, dr Dre, yg, kendrick and Friends or whatever at the Kia Forum just now. Dude, he brought out everybody. He did fucking Not Like Us like five times in different ways.
Speaker 3:Going crazy, fucking nuts. Going crazy.
Speaker 1:It was like a 22-song set, that's fine. That he did at that fucking Kendrick's, the fucking man.
Speaker 3:Kendrick is the man.
Speaker 1:And now Drake is a full-blown pedophile. I believe it. He's a fucking weird ass.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You think you can fight Drake one-on-one? I'm beating the shit out of him.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm beating the fuck out of Drake. I'm beating the shit out of him. Pussy, ass. Are you beating the?
Speaker 2:fuck out of Drake. I don't think so. No, probably not.
Speaker 3:I'm picking him up and slamming him on his fucking head.
Speaker 1:I've never been in a physical fight with with anyone. You're crazy For real. I swear to God, have you Not where they're fucking, not like that. You never fist fought somebody before, no.
Speaker 2:I just wouldn't want to hurt them.
Speaker 1:They never want to. Bro, you big dog, big dog, you do make people cry, but I've wrestled quite a few dudes who are very mad at me. Do you talk shit to them or what? I didn't talk shit, but they yeah, they just get very angry throughout it, you big dogging them. Yeah, nah, you're the type that people want to fight, okay.
Speaker 3:I'm small.
Speaker 1:Yeah, We've said it before you look like somebody you can fucking fuck around with. Push around bully.
Speaker 3:I might be a little bit of a big dog, buddy.
Speaker 1:I don't know, munchkin.
Speaker 3:Not a munchkin at all. You look like one. I will fuck you days and nights out. I'm sorry, I meant to say you're you wanna fuck me? No, I don't wanna fuck you. I will fuck you days and nights out have they had a gun to your head. Would you fuck me? You want to get fucked. I always knew you were the twink. I always knew you were the twink. I always said I'm the bear, kyle's the twink.
Speaker 1:That's not how that works but sure, that is how that works.
Speaker 3:No, if you were gay, you'd be a twink.
Speaker 1:If I was gay I'd be a bear. I thought the bear was fucking the twink. Most of the time, yes, but it's not Most of the time.
Speaker 3:Yes, so thank you, no it's about how you look.
Speaker 1:It's about your look. You can be a top, A top twink. You can be a top twink. You can be fucking as a twink, but that's just what you look like. A bear is just like a big, burlier guy with hair. A twink is a small boy looking one With a gun to your head. Do you want it?
Speaker 3:No, no, no, you can fucking pull that trigger. You got me fucked up, hell no. Hell no.
Speaker 1:If there was a gun to your mom's head and they said you have to fuck, it doesn't have to be me, but it's a random guy, why do you you? Have to fuck this guy, would you or your mom's fucking dead?
Speaker 3:What are you what? Why, why are you what? The fuck is this? If there was a gun In my mom's head, yeah, and I had to fuck a dude To make some. I'm fucking a dude.
Speaker 1:Have to, I have to fuck a dude.
Speaker 2:You have to, I have to.
Speaker 3:Will I kill him afterwards?
Speaker 1:Yes, you'd murder. No witnesses, no, no witnesses.
Speaker 3:No witnesses, no witnesses, no slander, anything like that. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:A couple years later, at Christmas, your mom would be like you remember when you fucked that guy you fucker To save my life. You saved me Crazy son of a bitch.
Speaker 3:Would you kill your stepdad to protect your mom? How about that?
Speaker 1:For sure I don't think I could kill my fucking step Like just hand to hand.
Speaker 3:No, no, no. You're how I got stalked for six months. You're stalking him.
Speaker 1:Well, what's my stepdad doing to my mom?
Speaker 3:Beating the shit out of her.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I'd kill him. I'd call the cops, I'd let the law take. Law and order.
Speaker 3:All right, Kyle, we'll stop Get the All right, mr Law and Order over here, mr fucking Pound 911.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, not Pound 911. Just 911, boy what.
Speaker 3:What.
Speaker 1:What You're fucked. You're just. You're killing my whole mood right now, why you have nothing to talk about.
Speaker 3:You're talking. Alright, kyle, you. You're also talking about a gun to my fucking mom's head.
Speaker 1:Right and me fucking a dude.
Speaker 3:I'm also kind of conflicted right now To where I'm sitting here trying to fucking stew on something for a second.
Speaker 1:You're killing my mood dude, do you love your mom or are you fucking gay?
Speaker 3:I love my mom, so if I have to be gay, I gotta be, gay, I gotta be gay. You know what I mean. It is what it is, buddy. I would do the same thing, thank you. Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know you would be. You'd do it softly, you'd be kissing him.
Speaker 2:Oh, add the extra shit. Yeah, you'd add all that Little flavor, little sauce. Here we go.
Speaker 1:You'd add the zest to it.
Speaker 3:I'm not zesty, I just learned what that word meant. What that word meant.
Speaker 1:That's fucked. Yeah, you thought it was something different. I'm trying to hold my tongue, kyle, think of the words. No, you just can't think of words very quickly. You can't either. What are you talking about? I can talk as long and as much as I want to.
Speaker 3:As long Are you talking about dicks right now?
Speaker 1:That just makes no sense, does it? It makes a lot of sense. A lot of things you say make no fucking sense, idiot.
Speaker 3:Why is that?
Speaker 1:you think, and it ticks me off, like getting under your skin. No, I'd like you to go back and take a fucking English class Not happening. You know what I was in? I was in AP English.
Speaker 3:Oh, this guy's rise to fame right here, dude, yeah, I peaked.
Speaker 1:So make the school. Maybe I peaked in high school. Man, I peaked before high school. Yeah, you peaked in middle school.
Speaker 3:Teach his own.
Speaker 1:You started doing drugs, drinking, being the cool guy. Look where that got you.
Speaker 3:Where did that get?
Speaker 1:me Right where I'm at, so nothing really matters, does it?
Speaker 2:It must mean something. Dude the universe connected, you guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fuck the universe, soulmates.
Speaker 2:Me and Kyle on a spiritual journey together. I think you guys are like Yin and Yang.
Speaker 1:Yin and Yang, key and Peele. It is very opposite. Which Yin and Yang is the opposite, and you know what they say. Opposites do attract. Are you attracted to me?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:The fuck Not in a sexual way.
Speaker 2:What do you mean? What the fuck Not in a sexual way?
Speaker 3:What do you mean attracted to you?
Speaker 2:Not in a sexual way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, why?
Speaker 1:do you always go so sexual? I was just asking.
Speaker 3:Eric is. What do you mean?
Speaker 1:I've always said me and Eric are too similar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are too similar.
Speaker 3:We're quiet guys, but also you guys could also both be gay.
Speaker 1:You're calling our producer gay now but also, you guys could also both be gay. You're calling our producer gay now.
Speaker 2:I am Wow. What does he do?
Speaker 3:that's gay. Tell me, I don't know what you YouTube-y cooking up in here Can't think of words.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we're done here. I think we're fucking done with this.
Speaker 2:It's been a while. The video probably won't come out.
Speaker 1:Well, there's no camera there anymore. The camera's gone.
Speaker 2:The SD card filled up. So if it comes out it's probably going to be like 10 minutes, Not even.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to post it. No, there'll be no video for this, audio only.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're probably going to switch to just audio only for a little bit.
Speaker 1:We'll figure it out. Well, yeah, I mean, all we're doing for fucking video is just YouTube, and YouTube can fuck off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it can fuck off.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Anybody watching on YouTube fucking die what?
Speaker 3:Don't say that, don't say that? Why? That's how my boys were listening.
Speaker 1:That's how my boys were listening. That's how my boys were watching. They didn't want to listen to the podcast, they were watching the YouTube video because it was ten times funnier.
Speaker 2:The YouTube video. The YouTube video yeah Well, I'll try, but at the end of the day, it is me doing this shit.
Speaker 1:It is fucking. It's only Eric. All I come here to do is to lend my voice to the people, and you suck at it. Ryan tries to lend his voice. He can't really do it too well, so he honestly does nothing for this podcast.
Speaker 3:I wish Carlos was here. Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1:Hopefully Carlos will be here next week. Hopefully, if not here next week, hopefully If not, godspeed. If not. Yeah, I think he'd probably be on a boat back to fucking Guadalajara or something. He'd be going back to visit his family. When's Dia de los Muertos, I'm going to quit.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to quit this shit.
Speaker 1:He's going to go back to Coco Land. Go visit his family.
Speaker 3:Coco.
Speaker 1:Coco Land. He's got to visit his ancestors back in the homeland, or is Mexico?
Speaker 3:the motherland. Is it homeland? It's the motherland, the motherland.
Speaker 1:That's Russia too. Germany, I got to go back to Germany. We Germany, I gotta go back to Germany.
Speaker 3:We both have to go back to Germany, visit the motherland. We're both fucking white muds.
Speaker 1:It is what it is, alright. Alright, that's an episode of Mr Carlos. Maybe no video here and out Newest Lowe's Instagram, not Twitter, spotify, all those Just look it up. Pussies, goodbye.