The Quiet Stress That's Sabotaging Your Retirement Plan

[Ep 195]

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why you can feel behind on retirement even when you’re consistently saving
• The biggest mistake people make when trying to budget for retirement and gain control of their money
• How to recognize the four signs of quiet stress that may be sabotaging your retirement plan
• A simple way to start planning for retirement with more clarity and stop worrying about whether you’re on the right track

Episode Highlights

01:10 Four Signs Of Quiet Stress

01:50 Spending Restriction Flip Flop

03:52 Restriction as Punishment

05:23 Paycheck to Paycheck Fear

07:07 Credit Card Shame Spiral

08:18 From Uncertainty to Control

12:42 Systems Not Self Blame

Full Show Notes can be found HERE

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Transcript

Welcome to the Wealthy After 40 podcast. Now, if you're somebody that you've spent without much thought for a while, then something snaps and you move into full restriction mode, where you're cutting everything, you're not allowing yourself to spend on anything extra, what you define as extra, and you're saying, "Okay, this time is going to be different."

That thought, those situations, that is quiet stress. It's not a financial disaster. You're not trying to figure out how to pay a bill over food. It's just the quiet, exhausting cycle of feeling out of control with your money. You're not falling apart financially, but it feels like you are, and that's the gap that we're discussing today between what's actually happening and why you feel the way you do.

And hopefully, you'll find your answer to solve that quiet stress. Maybe you don't even understand what quiet stress is or, what these signs could be. So today I'm gonna share with you four signs of quiet stress and how they could show up. As you listen, they may not show up exactly as I'm describing, but somewhere in there you might be like, "Yeah, I think that's similar."

That's the important thing. Not that you exactly line up with the details of every single sign. At the end, I'll help you figure out how to resolve that quiet stress. All right, so four signs. The first sign is the flip-flop between spending and full restriction. This often isn't dramatic for you, even though the sign sounded like it could be.

You might go several months feeling fine, spending on things that matter to you, so we're not just having a shopping spree, going out, overspending. You're spending on things that matter to you, your family, a trip, and maybe it's a trip to see extended family, helping a child. And then something triggers a switch in your brain.

It might be a bank balance. It might be a milestone birthday. It might be somebody mentioning retirement, whether they're almost there or that, anything like that, and suddenly you're restricting every expense for several weeks. And you say, "I'm getting serious. I'm gonna do something about this.

That spending won't happen again." Because we're flip-flopping between spending and full restriction. As you restrict, that will slowly fade, and you're back into the cycle of spending again. And as this happens to you, you think it's because of willpower, i'm not being diligent. Instead of seeing it as a system problem and not recognizing the true challenge that needs to be solved is why it stays as a quiet sign of stress instead of getting addressed.

Remember, I've talked before about sometimes we think a problem because that's where we feel it most, and we actually need to dial in just a little bit deeper. That is a very good example for that. All right. Sign number two, restriction as punishment. You'll spend on something, maybe it's a weekend,

this isn't over several months like first sign was. You'll spend on a few things, and then maybe as you get home a little bit later, you run a mental tally. So you are like, "Okay that cost X number of dollars." And now you're recognizing that's money that could have gone to retirement. That speaking in your head, that talk that is going on is restriction that is more about punishment.

You are somebody who's already responsible, and this sneaky voice comes in and has you beating yourself up. You're taking measurement against a retirement number that you may not have, may not have even calculated yet. And so the punishment of restricting your spending has no target,

understanding that I shouldn't have spent because it could have gone to retirement, how do you know that, again, that kind of ties into a system problem. It ties into not being able to see that path of where you're going

All right, sign number three. Now, this one might seem weird to you and it may not, but you have a paycheck to paycheck worry even when you're not actually broke. This is one of the most common quiet stress signs I see in my clients when they come to work with me. They're not living paycheck to paycheck in the traditional sense,

because they always have savings and they're not in crisis, but the feeling is identical to those individuals who are trying to get from paycheck to paycheck with bills, groceries, fuel, just the regular things You still have the same feeling that they do where you're crossing your fingers every payday and every month hoping that nothing major unexpected shows up.

Because if it does, it means that you're going to have to dip into the retirement or into the emergency fund that you've been slowly rebuilding, or you're going to have to reduce your retirement savings contribution. And thinking those two things, giving yourself those options, there's the fear and the feeling that I will undo the progress I've already made.

So even though you're not broke, you feel like you're setting yourself back on this path of headed to retirement

All right, sign number four, the credit card shame spiral, this isn't from reckless spending. This isn't because you've gone out on a shopping spree. This adds to the last sign as well, where it's the unexpend- the unexpected expense that you know you could have avoided, a car repair, a medical bill, something for a kid in college, but you didn't have sinking funds set aside,

so this is the difference between that last one and this one is where you're like, "Ah, I should have seen this coming. I should have had this covered. I should have had the money for this." And since you don't, you turn to the credit card And then you think, "What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Why didn't I have that?"

And you're holding yourself to a standard of, "I should have it all figured out by now." That's not necessarily true, you have a lot of things figured out. There are still some things that aren't quite connecting for different reasons So if you recognized yourself in even one of these, and it's okay if it was more, that's not a sign that you're failing.

It's a sign of two different things. It's a sign you've been managing money without a system and/or without a clear path of where you want to go. Saying, "I want to get to retirement," that's a great end step, but the path there is still blurry. That's why these signs keep showing up. It's why you keep, beating yourself up, and having a system that gets you down that path is what you need to help calm these quiet stressors So just as I said, these signs rarely show up as crisis.

And so in your mind, you're thinking, "What is wrong with me? I don't understand this," it's not like all of the other, quote, "problems and challenges" as you see it's important for you to recognize that the uncertainty you have in any of these signs that you might be like, "Yep, that's me," that you can take the uncertainty and put it into control.

Okay? Go from uncertainty to control, but it is not about restriction. I know that's the hang-up where a lot of individuals get is control means I have to restrict." It's about clarity. Talk about that a lot here, clarity of where you want to go and the structure of how to take you there,

we're losing that white-knuckling plan, that I'm just hoping I can get there or, just a hope, we've talked about hope not being a plan either. And so understanding that control isn't about restriction, and you want control. You get to define the clarity and the structure It means that having control, you get to see yourself making progress to the goal you want instead of just hoping you're getting there, instead of just white-knuckling through all of these quiet stressors.

It is actually going to lead you down the path to retirement

So if any of this sounds familiar, I want to invite you to my free training in July, From Guessing to Knowing: Your Retirement Diagnosis. One topic that we're going to cover, which we've discussed in this episode, is why doing your best and being on track are not the same thing, and what actually helps you close that gap.

That's just one of five topics we're covering in that free training. So if you're interested, it's held July 21st. Head over to elevatefinances.us\webinar

And in that webinar is all the details. You can get signed up. It is live training, but there will be a limited replay, so make sure you get registered to have that replay if you're unable to make that time. This 60-minute training is going to help you understand how to get down that path to retirement,

we are working so hard in the current, and we know we want to get to retirement, but there's a whole path along the way. This is very blurry to most of us. This is where the quiet stress, the frustrations, the not knowing what to do comes from, and we're gonna be covering that inside this webinar. So again, head over to elevatefinances.us\webinar, or there's a link down in the show notes.

Get yourself registered and learn all the five topics that we will be discussing in that 60-minute webinar. So if you have experienced any of these signs of quiet stress or something very similar, I want you to recognize that it is more likely a system problem and not a you problem,

it's not because you're bad with money. It's not because you weren't taught this. It's important to put a system into place, and that system is more than a budget and tracking piece. There are so many other things that you need in your system to help get you down that path. So I hope you'll join me in that webinar or come join me over on my, in my Facebook community, the Retirement Ready Hub, a community for Gen Xers.

I hold a live training every week. We drop in what we're working on. We help each other. There's a bunch of other individuals also working through the same or similar issues that you are as well. Thank you for listening to this episode, and we'll see you next week