Turning 30 Amidst Grief: Christian Encouragement for Difficult Milestones

Episode 8

What do you do when a milestone — a birthday, anniversary, holiday, or special event — doesn’t feel like it’s worth celebrating?

In this deeply personal, reflective episode, Brooklynn shares what it’s like to turn 30 in the middle of illness, grief, and emotional exhaustion — and why it’s okay if your milestone moment looks nothing like you imagined. If you’ve ever struggled to celebrate when life feels heavy, this conversation will help you:

• Release the guilt of not “feeling happy enough” for a big day.
• Honor your capacity without faking joy.
• Find small, sacred ways to mark a milestone in hard seasons.
• Give yourself compassion when expectations and reality don’t match.

Whether you’re navigating loss, burnout, disappointment, or a different kind of season, you’ll hear hope-filled encouragement to slow down, breathe, and let God meet you right where you are.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

• Why milestone moments can feel heavy during grief, burnout, or transition.
• The biggest lesson Brooklynn is taking from her 20s into her 30s.
• Three gentle anchors for navigating hard holidays or birthdays: Pause, Honor, Remember
• A gentle, grace-filled way to define success in a new decade or chapter.
• How to create sacred, pressure-free ways to honor milestones when you don’t feel like celebrating.

📖 Bible Verses Referenced

• Ephesians 2:10
• Isaiah 40:31
• Proverbs 16:9

📬 Need Prayer? Have Questions?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You know those milestone moments? The ones that are supposed to be a big deal? A birthday, an anniversary, New Year's. Maybe you feel like you should be posting something super Instagrammable, clinking glasses, celebrating how far you've come. But what do you do when everyone expects you to celebrate? And maybe you even expect yourself to celebrate, but you're grieving, emotionally exhausted, or just not in the mood to pretend you're okay. This week I turned 30. And instead of balloons or cake, I spent it in bed with a fever, grieving the loss of a loved one, and feeling emotionally wrung out from one of the hardest weeks of this entire year. In today's honest birthday reflection, I want to talk about what we do when life feels heavy and how to gently honor where we are in life without guilt, pressure, or pretending.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Welcome to the Godly Habits Podcast with Dr. Mason Howe.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

And Brooklyn Howe, where we help you build God-honoring habits.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

So that you can bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to be.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

So let's just kind of get into Mason just about what has happened the last couple of weeks and what we've been kind of going through behind the scenes.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

The last couple weeks have been pretty difficult in a couple different ways. We had a family member who was in the hospital in the ICU. Um and then also we had a death of another family member on the other side of the family, and that was very difficult.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

We were constantly just going back and forth between the hospital and the home and trying to hold space and support two different families in crisis and deal with our own personal grief at the same time and and our own personal worries and uncertainties about the situations and to check in with each other and be like, hey, like, you know, how are you doing? How can I support you, you know, as my spouse throughout all of this?

SPEAKER_02 2:30

But uh, you know, we talk a lot about in this podcast about preparing for times of crisis, and I can we can honestly say that um both of these events were very, very unexpected, kind of emergency type situations or just accident situations that kind of sprung up out of nowhere. So it um it really kind of put some of the the processes we've built in our marriage and our strength and reliance on God.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Yes, and our s and our reliance upon our um like our support groups um and like our prayer warriors. Yeah. The Bible verse that really anchored me throughout all of this was Isaiah 40, 31. Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. And that was one of the promises that I held on to, and that I like sought the Lord at the beginning of each day, knowing that my strength was gonna come from him. And like, what does this Bible verse say? It's that we gain new strength when we wait upon the Lord, when we trust in him for his strength, and we wait for him to show up, and that is kind of what helped me, especially in the moments where I was emotionally stretched thin and wanting to be present where it mattered most. But in the middle of all of that, um when we got home, I actually came down with a sickness. I got some kind of cold and I had a fever, and that lasted like a whole week and a half, and I was like so tired and had zero energy and body aches, and was also just grieving the loss of a loved one and just everything we'd gone through that last week. And I turned 30 amidst all of that. So when my 30th birthday finally rolled around, I had no energy for celebration. And honestly, for months before that, I had been thinking in my head, like, what do I want to do for my 30th? And having so many dreams and so many thoughts about options, like how can I celebrate? What can I do that really honors this milestone? And when it really rolled around, I had no plans. It was me in bed, exhausted, sick, carrying grief, and that was not how I imagined it. Not even close. We tell you the this story not to, you know, make everything really heavy, but to make it authentic and honest with where we've been the last few weeks and you know, how I'm approaching this big milestone. And I know that I'm not the only one who's had a milestone moment sh show up and just be completely wrapped up in like maybe a disappointment or wrapped up in stress or sorrow. So if that's you right now, this episode may just be the validation that you've been needing to hear. If facing a milestone or a holiday this year feels like carrying a weight that you can't put down, stay with me until the end of today's episode. I'm gonna share a way to move through the day that protects your heart and keeps you from feeling like you have to fake your way through it and still leaves room for real moments of meaning, connection, and even hope to quietly find you. And moving forward, how I want to gently commemorate my birthday this year is the first thing that I've really done is to give myself permission for my 30th birthday to not look like what I imagined in my head that it should or would look like. Let it be what it may, without trying to force myself to feel a certain way or for the birthday to look Instagrammable or just right. And that alone lifted so much weight and opened up so much space for me to cultivate joy in the midst of all of this. And I I would like to find some more time to contemplate all the things that I met in my 20s, what lessons I learned, what beliefs have shifted and changed, and what parts of me were transformed, and really thank the Lord for how far he's brought me and all the amazing things that he's taught me. Instead of celebrating my birthday in one day, I've just taken a few minutes every day, just a few minutes, to do small, simple things that honor me and the woman I've become. So sometimes that looks like lighting a candle at the end of the day or painting a watercolor picture of a moment in nature that really stuck out to me this year. And just do little, small rituals that honor like who I am today. And honestly, that feels like enough for me.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

What would you say to the woman listening right now who feels guilty for not feeling joyful on an anniversary or a holiday or some other time of celebration?

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Sometimes when we're going through grief or a big loss in our life, or maybe we're processing through a trauma, those parts of life can make milestones or holidays feel really complicated and even delay our desire to want to celebrate or have dreams or hopes for the future. And that can really apply to birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. It really doesn't matter the the thing. It's like just any type of day that culturally we're meant to celebrate or people typically would celebrate. But you know, when the when those arrive on the calendar, like they always do, instead of us feeling that pure excitement and celebration, sometimes they hold a really heavy weight, and we can feel an ache for what's missing. And maybe for you, it's there's like your first Christmas without your mom and it's coming up. Or you're having your 10th wedding anniversary, but you've had a lot of strife in your marriage recently, and your marriage is hanging on by a thread. It might be a milestone you thought would look different, like a graduation, but you're attending it alone, or a baby shower you thought you'd be hosting by now, or maybe even that career dream shift, and it just didn't happen by the milestone age you thought it would. Whatever this loss looks like, you have permission to feel it all. I have permission to feel it all. We do not have to force joy, we do not have to make the best of it for everyone else around us. There is no single white right way to navigate a milestone when your heart is hurting. One of the most helpful things I've learned from my own seasons of loss and from others who have walked through deep grief is to give yourself anchors for days like this. Three that I can return to again and again are pause, honor, and remember. I actually got this idea from Beth Kempton from the Calm Christmas podcast. And if you know, you know, she's amazing, and we listen to her every time we get to the holiday season, but she is really good about bringing in honesty and authenticity during these holiday seasons where we feel obligated to celebrate, but we're also dealing with a loss. And so this kind of came from her last year. The three steps are pause, honor, and remember. So the first one is pause. Step away from the noise, the pressure, the shoulds of the day. And that might mean taking a slow walk or simply lighting a candle at the end of the day and taking a breath for a few minutes. And just simply let yourself acknowledge what is absent or what is lost. Who or what is not here and who or what is still here. Sometimes that stillness is the most honest gift we can give ourselves in times of celebration and busyness. And the second step is honor. Find a small, sacred way to mark what has changed. That might be making a favorite recipe tied to a memory, playing a special song, or carrying forward a tradition in your own way. Creating a new ritual that speaks to your season right now. Honor could look like wearing something with meaning, writing a prayer of gratitude for what once was, or quietly choosing not to do certain things this year because they're too hard, and that's okay. And the third step is to remember. Let yourself talk about the person, their relationship, the season, or the dream that you're missing. Share a story with someone safe. And what I do, write it down in a letter. Write it out. Look at old photos, or simply whisper in a prayer, knowing that God holds every memory, every tear, every moment we wish we could relive, or that we wish we had. And these practices aren't about forcing ourselves to move on. They're actually more about pulling these things up and honoring and holding space for every emotion and every loss. It's about staying connected to the love and the meaning and the truth that our life has been touched in a way worth remembering. We're allowed to pause to honor what was hoped for and to remember why it mattered. Friend, milestones will always be a mix of joy and sorrow, gain and loss, celebration and longing. And that's not a sign that you're doing it wrong or a sign that I'm doing it wrong. It's a sign that we're humans, that we've loved and lived so deeply. And when the day comes, you don't have to put on a performance for anyone, not for the people in the room, not for God, and not for yourself. God can hold the whole of it. Your gratitude, your sadness, your laughter through tears, and he's not surprised at any of it. So if the milestone ahead feels heavy, let these anchors meet you there. Pause, honor, remember. And let the God who is near to the brokenhearted walk with you through every step of it. All this way, and you've made it to the end, we want to thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking around with us. You as our listeners mean so much to us. And if this episode resonated with you and if you benefited or were blessed by it in any way, could you take a pause for just 30 seconds to scroll down and give us a review? And if you know of someone, like a friend or family member who is in a season right now where they're going through a milestone or a heavy holiday and they're struggling with loss or disappointment, I would love it if you could share it with them and hopefully we can bless them too. Thanks for joining us in this episode, and we will see you back again next Monday and have a blessed week.