29 | Safe Accountability for Christian Women: Support Your Goals, Growth, and Perseverance

Episode 29

Many Christian women want accountability for their habits and goals—but somewhere along the way that desire can turn into feeling stuck, discouraged, or even ashamed when progress slows. In this episode of the Godly Habits Podcast, Brooklynn and Dr. Mason Howe talk about what safe, healthy accountability actually looks like and how the right support can help Christian women persevere in their habits, growth, and faithfulness during hard seasons. You’ll learn how layered support can gently strengthen your goals and habits without pressure, shame, or burnout.

What You’ll Hear:

• Why accountability can sometimes feel scary or discouraging—and how past experiences with pressure or criticism can shape our response to it

• The difference between unhealthy accountability that creates shame and healthy accountability that encourages perseverance and faithfulness

• A simple way to begin building a layered support system that strengthens your habits, goals, and spiritual growth

Quick Win Practice:

If you’ve ever felt stuck, discouraged, or unsure where to find support in your habits or goals, this week’s Quick Win will help you gently identify one place where safe encouragement could strengthen your perseverance. Instead of trying to overhaul everything, you’ll be invited to notice where support is already present in your life—and where one small shift could help protect the progress you’re already making. Even a single step toward healthier support can bring clarity, encouragement, and renewed strength for the road ahead.

Bible Verses Referenced:

• 2 Corinthians 5:21 — Christ became sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him

• Galatians 3:27 — Believers are clothed in Christ and share in His righteousness before God

Related Episodes:

2026 Habit Building Steps:

Episode 28: Overcome Obstacles

Episode 27: Take Small Action Steps

Episode 26: Create your SMART Goal

Episode 25: Create your Motivation

Episode 24: Determine your Wellness Focus

Episode 23: Defining Holistic Goals

Want Prayer? Have Questions?

We’d love to hear from you:

📧 contact.godlyhabits@gmail.com

Don’t Miss an Episode:

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Legal Disclaimer: 

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Always consult your doctor or therapist for personalized support.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Many Christian women want accountability for their habits and their goals. But somewhere along the way, that desire can turn into feeling stuck, discouraged, or sometimes even ashamed when things don't go the way we hoped. If that tension feels familiar to you, then you are in the right place and you're not alone. Sometimes we feel that way because many of us have only experienced versions of accountability that weren't actually healthy or supportive. And if you're someone who's already started building healthier rhythms in your life, remember this. The Holy Spirit is already at work in you, and you've probably grown way more than you realize. Today I want to help you protect that progress that you've made by showing you how to build the kind of safe, layered support that has helped keep my goals and growth moving forward with perseverance. And so before this episode ends, I'll share one small step you can begin today to start building that layered support.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Welcome to the Godly Habits Podcast with Dr. Mason Howe.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

And Brooklyn Howe, where we help you build God-honoring habits.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

So that you can bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Welcome to the Godly Habits Podcast. This is episode number 29, and I'm Dr. Mason Howe, and I'm here with my wife Brooklyn. And uh, we're just a husband and wife team that's here to talk about healthy habits, whole person wellness, and incorporating our faith into those habits. So if you're new with us, we thank you for joining, and we believe that the Lord has something for each of our listeners today.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Before we go any further, I do want to say something out loud that I think a lot of women are quietly wrestling with. Because when our habits or our goals kind of start to slip and we have setbacks, it's easy to assume that the problem is us. Like maybe we just don't have enough discipline or more or we need more willpower or pressure ourselves to do better. But very often, the real issue is not a lack of effort. Sometimes it can be a lack of healthy support around the effort we're putting in. I'll be honest, learning to build that kind of support is often easier said than done. And I've wrestled with this myself too. But it does matter because the kind of accountability we build around our lives can either discourage us or help set us up for steady, faithful growth. So today we're gonna talk about how to build a safe, multi-layered accountability and a type of encouragement system that can help us stay steady in our habits or any goals we've set, especially if a hard season comes up. If that sounds good to you, then unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath, and let's get into it. I think it helps to acknowledge that a lot of us can feel like accountability might even be like somewhat of a scary word or it feels like a lot of pressure. And for a lot of us, we may even want to avoid accountability altogether. And that's not necessarily because we're unwilling to grow or because we don't care about our goals. Sometimes it might be because the word accountability has been shaped by our past experiences. So if we've had authority figures in our lives who've used their position in hurtful or controlling ways, or maybe we grew up around people who were constantly critical or disappointed or hard on us, accountability can start feeling like pressure or judgment, sometimes even punishment, but not really supportive. And our nervous system does not forget those experiences. But when I read the research on stress and relational safety, it shows when we've experienced criticism or shame in the past, our brains can associate similar situations with that same threat. So even if we're in a different environment, our bodies can still react with a little bit of defensiveness, a little bit of avoidance and anxiety. So if you're someone who's hearing the word accountability and part of you is instinctively wanting to brace yourself, know that you are not alone, and this can sometimes be a very normal experience. If it's part of your story, it makes so much sense. That trusting accountability, again, might feel difficult. But the good news is that today we're gonna talk about how healthy accountability can look very different from that experience. A true accountability partner isn't someone who holds authority over us or controls our decisions. Instead, it's someone who can stand beside us as an equal who offers encouragement, perspective, support, and then we ourselves take the ownership of our own growth. And when accountability is safe like that, it becomes one of the most powerful ways to help us persevere and keep moving towards the goals and the plans that God has placed in our heart.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Let me pause for just a second. If this conversation about building healthier habits and seeking accountability is encouraging you, I'd love for you to stay connected with us here on the podcast. These episodes are meant to walk with you through the slow work of growth, one small step at a time. So if you haven't already, take a moment to pause the episode and hit follow so you don't miss the next conversation.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Now, Mason, something we've talked about before is that early on, like in our relationship and our marriage, neither of us really knew what accountability, you know, healthy accountability looked like.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

But frequency, right? Like your accountability, a healthy accountability partner is somebody who's there for you in your life. So somebody that you're meeting up with maybe once a quarter is not going to be as much of an accountability partner as somebody who you're discussing with every week, right? Um, what kind of things do you feel safe discussing with that person? I think a good accountability partner is somebody that you feel safe talking about the hard things, right? Talking about the resistances and the emotional difficulty that you may be when you're struggling with maybe upkeeping whatever habit that you're trying to upkeep. And so if you're not willing to be real, authentic, and honest with that person, then maybe that is not somebody who's going to be a great accountability partner for you. Um, so I would say that being there, so frequency right was one thing. Also, emotional availability. That person needs to be emotionally available. And so that's really more on their end, right? Maybe you feel comfortable with that person, but maybe that person is not um, they're busy, maybe their life's hectic, they got a lot of things going on. You know, maybe in that season that person is not able to be that uh emotionally available for you to be a good uh person to be an accountability partner for you. Those three things are the things that pop to my mind when I'm thinking about um somebody that's good, that's a good accountability partner. They're emotionally available, you feel safe with them. Yes, right, and they're frequently there in your life, whether over a through a phone call, through you know, I mean Zoom, whatever Zoom, whatever. It doesn't have to be physically in person, but you have to be willing to meet up with that person and then have discussions on a frequent basis. And then I would say probably the last thing is that they're willing to push you a little bit and make you uh and make you a little bit uncomfortable, like trying to push you uh and encourage you, like encouragement and pushing you just a little bit. I think from the people that I've seen that have really good accountability to support, they are way more likely to stick with their health habit. I would say that unfortunately, probably about 10% of the time do I see somebody that's got really good accountability. The other 90%, I see people that honestly have the opposite. Either people that are neutral around them or actually people that are kind of holding them back, like they almost have to kind of push through those resistances. In my line of work, that's what I see a lot is a lot of people maybe they're trying to break a smoking habit, and um, you know, all their family members smoke and they want them to keep smoking, you know what I mean? Like that's that's kind of what I run into more often than not.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

I'm glad that you brought up that sometimes it's difficult for your patients to find that healthy accountability. So that is actually one really big reason why today I'm gonna be talking about multi-layered encouragement and multi-layered accountability. So for those seasons where it's difficult to find that trusted, safe person, um, we can have other levels that that um are just as important. So I think, you know, that's one helpful thing that I hope we can talk about today. But what does unhealthy accountability look like? What do you feel like we should be avoiding?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Yeah, I think that unhealthy accountability, I've seen it in a few different situations. One is uh where you have an accountability partner that's almost got too much level of control. Like they are hounding you, they are pressuring you, they are um using like shaming language that that really we know that shame is a horrible motivator, it actually sets us back. So while it may seem like they love you and they're trying to push you, they're actually harming your ability to be able to create these habits. Also, somebody who's minimizing your efforts when you're really working hard and then you mess up, and then you're like, well, you know, that that would have been easy. Like, why couldn't you have just did it this way? Or why did you mess up that day? You could should have just avoided that. Should have, could have, you know, those types of things, and especially in a helpful way that's kind of directed at you. But you know, I think that we here on this podcast like to practice a culture of grace where we know that nothing is ever going to be perfect.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Um Yeah, in our household we actually have an ongoing joke where we say it was almost perfect, as kind of a funny joke because I'm a um what do you call it?

SPEAKER_01 12:09

A recovering perfectionist.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Yeah. Making it a joke has actually kind of been good because then we just let things slide. A lot of, you know, a lot of people imagine accountability kind of like how we've said, is someone maybe watching over you or checking up on you, or even someone being disappointed if you don't follow through with what you say you're gonna follow through with. But that's not how I see it as a Christian health coach. In healthy coaching or healthy accountability, you are not accountable to the coach. You are actually accountable to yourself. So my role as a coach is to be an ally in the process, but not an enforcer. So there's no shame, no blame, and disappointment cannot come from me. So, what does this actually look like, you know, tangibly in practice? Well, a good coach or accountability partner is gonna help you design an accountability system that actually works for you. So that means helping you clarify your goals, break them into realistic steps, and decide what kind of support helps you follow through. And everybody's different. So sometimes that means deciding how you want to check in, maybe weekly, maybe through a text message, maybe just reporting back the next session. Sometimes it means helping a coach helps you close out the escape route. So if you have loopholes or escape routes, maybe some resistance, it's about getting clear about what the action step is and when it will happen. And sometimes it means asking honest questions like so what got in the way this week, or what needs to change um so that this feels more realistic. So when someone takes ownership of their growth like that, something really powerful happens because they can start to be to build independence and this this confidence in themselves and the ability to keep going even when things start to get hard. And in my life, I've had to learn this. There were seasons when I realized that if I wanted to grow in certain areas, I was absolutely going to have to take the lead in building my own support systems because no one else was going to build those systems for me. And that process wasn't always easy, but it did help me grow stronger, more intentional, and more resilient. And that's the kind of accountability I want for you. My emotions didn't always line up with the goals that I had set for myself. So instead of relying on my my emotions or motivation, I slowly began building what I now think of as a multi-level support system. And it kind of functions like a safety plan for perseverance. It keeps my eyes on what matters most, especially when life tries to pull my attention in like a hundred different directions. So the first layer is God. Now, this first layer for me, this looks like regularly coming back to God's promises, reminding myself of who he says I am. It means declaring God's truth over my life out loud, especially when doubt, discouragement, or spiritual warfare try to come in and cloud my thinking. And one of the most important truths that I come back to is that my worth before God is not determined by my growth, my goals, or my productivity. Because of Jesus and his sacrifice, I remind myself that my standing before God is secure. And scripture says in 2 Corinthians 5 21 that God made Christ, who knew no sin to become sin for us, so we become the righteousness of God. So when God sees me, he sees the righteousness of Jesus. That means no amount of goals or habit building or personal growth will make God love me more. And that if I fail to follow through, he won't love me any less. And that takes a tremendous amount of pressure off because God is the most gracious accountability partner we could ever ask for. He's also the most discerning and wise. He doesn't shame us when we struggle, but the Holy Spirit gently directs and redirects us when we drift, if we're paying attention and staying connected to him. And so this second layer uh is really intertwined with the first one, but it's ourselves, personal ownership. So what does this actually look like? Well, this looks like getting clear about my values and my beliefs and the goals that truly matter to me in this stage of life. And this is actually something we've been walking through step by step in the coaching arc that we started at the beginning of January in this podcast. And this episode is actually the final piece of that series. So if you've been listening along this year and you feel led to build a stronger foundation for the goals and habits you're pursuing, it might be helpful to go back and revisit the habit-building framework that we have created. So I'll link those episodes in the show notes so you can easily find them. Because the goal of that framework is not just productivity, it's truly alignment. Alignment with who we are in Christ, alignment with our beliefs, our values, with who God is leading you to become. The third layer is trusted people. So we've talked a lot about that in this episode. That could be a coach, a therapist, a spouse, a close friend, your mother. Sometimes for some people, it's actually even their dog because their dog gets them out and about. I know our dog gets us walking. You know, a trusted person, these are people who ask us honest questions, offer encouragement, and walk us through seasons even when things are feeling super difficult. And ideally, these people have our best interests at heart. They care about our growth and our God-given passions and goals. They don't jump to fix our problems, though. I think that's a really big point to make. They don't jump to fix our problems for us, but they do support us as we take responsibility for our own decisions and our own steps. So how that has looked in our life, um, as a married couple, we actually do a weekly check-in. We've consistently done it for what, like I think like three to four years or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

So during that time, each of us takes the lead in sharing what we're currently working on. So the goals we're pursuing, the progress we've made, the setbacks we might have experienced, and then we talk about what we might do differently in the weeks ahead. So it's a space where we can be honest with how we're feeling as well. So we do share our feelings. We talk about the things we're dreaming about for the future. One of the most helpful parts for me in this layer for our check-ins, Mason, is that we advocate for the kind of accountability that helps each of us most. So layer four is actually community. So it's like a group of people. And this can look a lot of different ways. And so sometimes this is being around people who are maybe pursuing a similar goal to us. Maybe it's just finding an environment where there's growth and encouragement are actually very normal parts of that culture. This one's really helpful because it reminds you that you're not the only one walking through challenges. I think at the same time, when you're picking your group, it's so important to be thoughtful about which groups we share our goals with, because not every space is gonna be the right place for every level of vulnerability. So over time I've learned to pay attention to my gut and when my nervous system ha you know, saying, Oh, red flag. Um, when I'm interacting with a group, if I'm consistently walking away from a group feeling deflated or discouraged or unsafe, that's information worth paying attention to. So sometimes another helpful question that you can ask yourself is when I leave this space, do I feel encouraged or do I feel like I need to shrink myself or shrink the goals God put in my heart? Because healthy community will absolutely encourage growth, but it will not undermine it. And so in different seasons of my life, I've used a bunch of different groups for this type of accountability. Um, it definitely depends on the goal and the level of support, but things like Facebook groups built around shared interests, you could do a mastermind group or a church Bible study or even a support group. So the key is that you tailor the group to your goal. And so this is number five is the last one. This one uh is one we can overlook, but it's so important. It's the media we consume. So the voices we listen to, the content we take in, the messages we surround ourselves can either strengthen our perseverance or quietly undermine it. It really has a powerful influence on you know which way we go with our habits and goals. So a pr helpful practice I've started to do is to check in with my nervous system after spending time on social media or platforms. I can ask myself, did what I just consume build me up, or do I feel like I'm super weighed down? And I feel like sometimes the content that's out there is take ta that we can take in is discouraging or it can create comparison traps. Um, sometimes it can distract us from what God has placed on our hearts to do. And if that is the case for you, listener, it may be time to detox who you follow or what messages you're regularly listening to. For me personally, I've actually stepped away from social media almost entirely for this reason. Um, because much of what the algorithm was feeding me was very negative and it did not support the kind of woman, wife, or future mother that I hope to be, you know. But on the other hand, I've intentionally turned up the volume on voices that encourage the direction I want to go in my life. So of course, scripture is always, you know, the great foundation, but besides scripture, you could listen to encouraging Christian podcasts. One time when I was working on minimizing the things I owned, I listened to a Christian audiobook about minimalism, like on repeat. And sometimes when I hear a sermon or a podcast episode or some message that deeply encourages me, I bookmark it and I come back to it over and over again. Sometimes is about removing the weights and distractions that pull us away from what matters most and then adding the right kind of fuel that helps us endure to keep running that race.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

So, Brooklyn, I know that there's a lot of us that when we start our habits, we don't really have a lot of support around it. Will you share one way that we can start building that layered support this week?

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Yeah, so we did cover a lot today, and so I want to keep our quick win very simple. So just take a moment right now to think about the five layers we talked about. So to recap, it's God, yourself, trusted people, a group, and the media you consume. And ask yourself these three simple questions. Number one, what do I notice? Which one of these layers feels like it needs some attention in my life right now? The second question is what are you going to do about it? What is the one small step you will take in the next 30 minutes to strengthen that layer of support? Maybe that looks like sending a text to a trusted friend, joining a Facebook group that supports your goals, or opening your Bible and spending a few minutes with God. Maybe it's even unfollowing an account that consistently pulls your attention or discourages you. Write it down. What are you going to do in the next 30 minutes? And third, why does it even matter right now? Why this layer of support for this goal? Why is it why is it so important right now? You don't have to build rebuild this structure overnight. This is something that slowly gets built. But just strengthening one layer of support today can make a meaningful difference and get that momentum flowing.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

And as we close today, I just want to remind you of this. And that you would feel encouraged as you move forward in your journey. Thank you for spending this time with us today. And until next time, may you take small, faithful steps with the support God is placing around you.