34 | Asking for Help Is Hard: Take Your Next Step With Wisdom and Discernment

Episode 34

Does asking for help feel hard, overwhelming, or emotionally complicated? In this episode of The Godly Habits Podcast, Brooklynn and Dr. Mason Howe share a grounded, faith-based conversation about taking your next step toward healing with wisdom and discernment. They talk honestly about first appointment jitters, fear of being misunderstood, safe support, and how to approach counseling and therapy without pressure, guilt, or losing sight of Jesus as our ultimate Counselor.

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Always consult your doctor or therapist for personalized support.

⏱️ What You’ll Hear:

• Why asking for help can feel emotionally overwhelming and difficult
• Honest conversation about first appointment nerves, counseling, boundaries, and finding safe support
• A biblical perspective on healing, discernment, and Jesus as our ultimate Counselor

🌿 Quick Win Practice:

This week’s reflection practice is designed to help you slow down and think through what safe, healthy support could look like for you in this season. If asking for help has felt intimidating or emotionally heavy, this gentle exercise may help you approach your next step with more clarity, wisdom, and grounded expectations.

📖 Bible Verses Referenced:

• James 5:16 — confessing struggles and praying for one another for healing
• Romans 12:2 — transformation through the renewing of the mind
• 2 Corinthians 1:3–4 — comforting others with the comfort we’ve received from God
• Genesis 3 — shame, hiding, and isolation after the fall
• Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 — support and strength through community
• Proverbs 11:14 — wisdom and safety found in wise counsel

References:

https://christiancareconnect.com 

https://www.psychologytoday.com

Related Episodes:

• 33 | Is It Okay to Get Help or Go to Therapy? For the Christian Woman Who Feels Stuck, Guilty, or Unsure

📬 Want Prayer? Have Questions?

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📧 contact.godlyhabits@gmail.com

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Legal Disclaimer:  

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Always consult your doctor or therapist for personalized support.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the God Habits Podcast with Dr.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Mason Howe and Brooklyn Howe, where we help you build God-honoring habits so that you can bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to be. So maybe you've reached the point where you think you might need some support, but the moment you think about actually reaching out for help, something pulls you back. Your mind starts racing with questions like, what would I even say? Or what if it's awkward? What if they just completely misunderstand me? What if I spend all the time and money and it still doesn't help? Maybe you even picture yourself finally opening up about what's really going on, and then you're worried you're gonna walk away feeling misunderstood or like your struggles were minimized. If that's you, I want you to know that what you're experiencing is a lot more common than you might realize. Reaching out for help can definitely feel vulnerable. So in this episode, we're gonna talk honestly about what the first steps to reaching out for help can look like, what healthy support is and what it's not, and how to navigate those first appointment jitters. So by the end of this episode, my prayer is that you'll be one step closer to feeling truly heard and seen, and one step closer to reaching out to the helping professional that's right for you. So uh when you do the welcome, talk about how we're like in like a series and like what the we're on the second episode and what maybe what the first one was about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Welcome to the godly habits podcast. This is episode number 34. This is episode number 34, and I'm Dr. Mason Howe, and I'm here with my wife, Brooklyn, and we're so happy to be here with you this Monday. Um, so you know what we've been in here recently is this series is talking about seeking help, asking for help, right? Um, and so last week uh what was it?

SPEAKER_02 2:26

We talked about counselor mental health.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

We just talked about why it's important for us to reach out for help and when it when it might be helpful to reach out for help.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Oh, that's right, that's right. And last week we talked about why it was helpful to reach out for help, how God actually calls us to lean on other people, other specifically even Christians, you know, and um how God calls us to lean on others, and how we need each other. And so this week we're talking a little bit about really helping professionals, right? So, what is this? These are um this is something, you know, like doctors or uh therapists. Um, it can also be pastors, um, you know, so there's professionals that have kind of made this their job to kind of step into this space and to help serve other people, and when it might be good to reach out to those people.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Yes. So first I just want to let's just start out by normalizing those first appointment jitters, okay, because they're so real. Um, because before some first appointments, my brain would just completely spiral. It didn't matter what helping profession I reached out to, or you know, um what it was that I was reaching out for help with. Um sometimes I'd overthink what I was gonna talk about or wondering if it was gonna be really awkward. And sometimes I would cancel it. And so those first appointment jitters was kind of like a barrier for me, especially starting out uh with the reaching out for help. And so, what did those first appointment nerves look like for either of us and what did we do to navigate them?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can even say that whenever um I've had a first appointment before, that it is it can be nerve-wracking. I mean, you can have some stress and some anxiety that's associated with that because you don't know that person. You're coming in expecting to share something vulnerable, probably, um, expecting to share a weakness, you know, and then um, especially American society, but I would say almost any society out there universally, um, anytime you're sharing your weaknesses, it's not always looked on upon fondly, right? Like we have this natural resistance to where we need to keep our barriers up. Um, and so, you know, that's that's kind of a natural thing of you're trying to you're actually having to let your guard down and let somebody in, and that can be really difficult. And so, you know, for my patients, that especially when they're coming to me sharing, sharing really deep and personal things, I will say I always step in and I, you know, thank them for being brave enough to show up and to talk about it today. Absolutely, you know, and so um and I know that there's a lot of other providers, not just doctors, but mental health professionals, that think the same way that you actually that that you showing up and stepping into that space and sharing the things that are troubling you at that time, whether it's your pastor, your mental health uh maybe a uh therapist or doctor, whoever it is you're sharing uh with um that it truly that most of us in these professions, we get it, we understand how difficult that is. And I would say that from our standpoint, know that for the most part, you are going to be seen as brave for showing up and sharing the difficult things that are on your heart.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, thanks for sharing that. Um, I think when it comes to my personal experience with showing up for an appointment, I think I call it the sweaty pit syndrome. It's a real thing, okay. When I know I'm about to share something vulnerable, my pits get sweaty. And FYI, if you didn't know this, the sweat that comes out when we're sharing something vulnerable or like traumatic, that sweat is totally different than the sweat that we put out when we're just exercising. And so it does have a bit of a stank. Um, but yeah, so in support groups and stuff that I've been in, all the ladies are like, Man, when I share, I get so sweaty. But that's like a real thing is opening up and being vulnerable. Um, our body has a response to it, sometimes our mind has a response to it. It's a totally common thing. And so if you're experiencing those jitters, know that I've have, and many, many other Christian women out there have as well. And I think one way that I have overcome it before is one therapist that I had, she actually asked me, she said, Do you want me to share about myself first before you share about yourself? And I actually really appreciated that. And I was like, Yes, I would love to hear about you. So she shared with me her philosophy on counseling, therapy, um, on just humanity in general, her methods that she used. She even shared a little bit about her family, like that she had a husband and a kid, and um, just a few small things about her life. And I think her sharing and being open with me about her viewpoints really like settled me down to where I felt so much more comfortable to share anything that I had to share that day. And that started off a really good relationship, honestly. We had a very good therapeutic relationship. So I think maybe um one thing to help with the jitters is to ask your therapist, hey, can you tell me a little bit about you and your your philosophy on therapy um or counseling or you know, whatever it is, whoever it is you're talking to.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Yeah, yeah. No, that's that's so good. I think that even just asking a little bit about that person if you're feeling uncomfortable and asking them just about themselves, especially if it's a first meeting, is a good place, first place to start. I don't think it's wrong to ask that. Um, and I've had patients ask me that before. And oh yeah, and I I feel very comfortable with being able to answer that question. So I would imagine that most other uh providers are, you know. Um it's good.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

So the another big yeah, did you have some another big barrier that kind of comes up is financial constraints. This one's pretty big. Um I think it can feel overwhelming for some people um when they want support, but financially it just doesn't feel realistic with the budget they have. And so when you're already stressed or struggling with something in your life, it can feel hard to know what options are available. And you know, this is something that I've personally navigated. I know early on in our marriage I needed to reach out for help, and we just didn't have the funds to for me to do so. And so there were some ways that I was able to navigate that space, and I definitely want to talk about the options that are out there. So, for somebody who really wants to reach out for help, what would you say is like an option for um reaching out if they are financially in a tough spot?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Yeah, so I think definitely you just have to kind of get a little bit creative and think outside the box sometimes. Um, and it just really depends on what you're looking for. So if you're needing a physician, there are free medical clinics. So for if you don't have insurance or anything like that, uh medical insurance, then there are free health clinics that you may be able to qualify for. There's a financial aid uh that you can potentially qualify for as well, uh, that you can apply for through hospitals. Um, you know, you may look into getting on if you if you don't have much income, you may look on uh look into getting on um uh like a government type health insurance like Medicaid. Um, you know, uh definitely look into the requirements and see if that's an option for you because that would at least give you access to health care. Um and and that is meant for people that have low can low income and not able to afford health care. Um so those are all things you can do from a medical standpoint to to hopefully help with your physical health. Um and so um, you know, whether that like I said, free clinics or any of those kinds of things.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah, and we we do a deep dive in this on this topic in a previous episode where we go into all the different type of primary care physicians and how to find the help you need there. So I'll link that in the show notes if you want to look into that even further for that episode. I'll put it down below. Um, but I think one good thing to mention is that like if you believe you may need if you're you're struggling with your mental health and you believe you might be needing help, you don't know for sure if you need to be on medication or you don't know what your diagnosis is, you just know that like thing you're really struggling. Or your primary care physician is absolutely a viable option for going in and getting that first initial connection with them and they can help you get on medicine if that's something you need. Also, they can connect you to resources as well, other people who you can talk to and they may actually know of some free option.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Yeah, yeah. Um, you know, I kind of try to keep tabs on kind of resources that are available around my our community and so and other doctors do the same thing, and so um it's definitely worth at least discussing that with them. And then I would say um, you know, as far as mental health, behavioral health, that kind of stuff, it just depends. Uh that that sometimes can be a little bit more difficult. Um, so sometimes, you know, sometimes that can be more difficult. You would need to look into certain options. There are mental health providers that do do like kind of scholarship type things and take on patients um for free. Um if you know, again, like if you are financially unable to afford that, um, there are options again, uh Medicaid, like the states fund, you know, state funded uh program, uh that does pay for mental health care. And so um if you have low income, you may be able to look at that. Uh look into that as an option for counseling and therapy. Um and then um, you know, I think also there's other pastoral um I there's also pastoral counselors.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Um well they're not trained to do the I'm gonna go into like the like whole like explaining the differences, but yeah, go ahead. I was just saying you don't have to go into explaining all the differences yet.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Okay, so go ahead. Oh, that's it. That's all I had really.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Oh, you were just gonna say telling you.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

I'm just talking about different options to try to help with mental health care.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Well, like financially, that's a good thing. You could say that. I'm just like saying like you don't need to explain the difference because I'm gonna do that later.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

You look mad.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I'm just mad at I don't know. I feel like I'm mumbling and stumbling along, so I just do it.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

You're not. Okay, so some options that I've used when I did not have the means financially to necessarily pay for therapy. Um, I there was a Christian, a free Christian clinic that I went to when I was about 17 or 18, I think. Um and they were a donation-based facility. And so uh I would definitely check and see if any of those are available to you, and then another option would be to check at your local church, they may be able to refer you to someone, and um another option that I've used is um an IE, what is it called? IEP here. Yeah, IEP. And then I would say another uh option that I've used in the past is an employee assistance program. So check with your employer, and they may actually have some free options for you to find a counselor or a therapist through your what is called your EAP employee assistance program. Another option is a sliding scale. So some therapists or counselors offer a sliding scale, you just kind of share with them your um financials, and then if you qualify, they will lessen the amount that you pay based off of how much money you have available to spend. So um so the right way of saying it. And so I if you're looking through, say, like psychology today or some website that helps you filter through and find um someone that works for you, you could check to see if they have a sliding scale. So those are just some options to find some help if you're struggling with finances, because I know that is has been a barrier for me in the past, and I'm not gonna lie, at times it it it was hard to to find options, and so if that's what you're dealing with, I just really encourage you to keep seeking and um to to ask your local church to see if they have some options. So if you let's see. So when I first realized that I might need some support, one of the overwhelming parts for me was not really knowing you know what's out there, where to begin. It's a big for a lot of people, it can be a big step. So a lot of people have this question of, okay, now what? So what does the process even look like? What what is my first step? So that's what we're gonna get into um in this part of the episode. Okay, let's do the micro CTA. Do you want to do it? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Whatever the topic is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Um, so if any of this is resonating with you and you've wondered whether counseling will be worth it and if it will even help you, next week we're talking about how to get the most return on your investment. So pause for a second, scroll down, and hit follow so you won't miss it. Okay. Okay. So did you say so? What did that process look like? Or is are you asking me? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yeah, so it's just like where to start. So we've mentioned reaching out to your primary care physician, reaching out to your local church, but there's some other options on where to get started to find someone that fits what you need. So did you have anything that you'd like to add for that, Mason?

SPEAKER_01 20:53

Well, I think the biggest place on where to start is you need to start with somebody you trust, and you need to start with, you know, somebody who at least knows the resources that are available. So I would see it as like more of a stepping stone. So maybe um, you know, you're going to the f your pastor is the person that you trust, or whatever, or someone in your church that's part of a helping profession or something like that, you know. Um, I mean, let's say you have you know a nurse or whatever, you know, like they can kind of help tell you what's available. For people that are in these professions, a lot of times they're gonna know, okay, this is the breadth of things that you could potentially uh of resources that are available. Um, and so sometimes if you don't even know where to start, just talking to somebody that's trusted who will kind of can kind of help guide you in a certain direction.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

So yeah, that's good. And then a couple resources that I've checked out that have helped me in the past is sex. Today. I'll put the link below. And then the American Association of Christian Counselors also has a database that has all Christian type helping professions. And you can go through and see who's available, see who's accepting clients. And the best thing about that is that you know who you're gonna be talking to. You know that they their faith likely aligns with yours. And um so that's a good option there. So I'll link both of those down below. Psychology today is really helpful because there's a lot of filters, and you can say, for instance, if you're more comfortable talking to a female, then you can put females only filter in it, and then you can put in your zip code. There's so many different filters, even if uh you can put in a filter for the insurance that you have. There's so many different options, and you can um filter those out to find somebody who you are probably gonna feel more comfortable with. Um so that's always an option there. But when you sorry.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Uh uh. So So I know we've been talking a lot about all the different types of help, or so we've been talking about you know, getting help. Can you go ahead in Brooklyn and talk to us about some of the different types of help that are that are available? What different types of professions, what different type of people out there, what are the resources that may be available?

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah, and I think this question really does matter because there's so much out there, and every different type of helping profession's gonna have um they're gonna have um a different philosophy on counseling. They're gonna have different things they can help us with, and they're gonna have different training. So it definitely does matter like what the type of professional they are. So let's just kind of I'm gonna get them out there. I'm not gonna go too far into depth, but I'm just gonna list them off and kind of give you an idea of what they do, and um then that way you can have an idea of it, and if you that can help you really narrow it down for who you might want to be reaching out to in the future. So the first one that a lot of us are probably familiar with is uh licensed Christian counselors or licensed Christian therapists. Okay, so clinical Christian counselors, they will likely combine their biblical lens and their biblical worldview with licensed mental health treatment. So they are they're licensed, typically licensed by the state. And then the difference between, like, say, a counselor and a therapist is usually counselors are focused on the here and the now, and typically a lot more solution-based. And then therapy takes us back into our past and really digs deep into how the past is affecting us today and our relationships and our well-being. And so both of those, if they're licensed and they're Christian, you know they they are licensed by the state and that they have likely have a biblical worldview. Um, they may differ in their still in their theology, so it's a good, you know, a good thing to maybe even ask, you know, what their belief system is before counseling. Um and letting your belief system be known. And that's how we can really advocate for ourselves. Another different type of helping profession is biblical counselors. So, and biblical counselors are gonna be different than clinical counselors, and they're gonna be different usually than pastoral. And so, is this sounding good at all? Okay, and so biblical counseling, they are not typically licensed by the state, and they place these individuals place a lot of emphasis on scripture as this our sole authority, and they mainly focus on spiritual formation, heart change, and working through sin patterns as a way to work through the struggles that we have. And so a lot of these people, you would find them at churches or parachurch organizations, and um then how those differ from what I consider pastoral counselors, so pastoral counselors are different than Christian clinical counselors because they are not licensed by the state, and they're different from biblical counselors because they while biblical counselors typically only focus on scripture, pastoral counselors focus on both clinical understanding of things, so they have an informed clinical understanding of the human condition and human suffering, and they pair that with theology and doctrine, they pair that with their biblical worldview, and so um, as far as like my training for pastoral counseling, I've really been taught how to integrate theology and psychology together. Um, but a lot of pastoral counselors likely will not be licensed by the state, but they may or may not have a good understanding of the uh psychological models and theories and tools and all the things they may or may not. And so the best way to really know, you know, their philosophy on things is to just truly ask them like, where'd you get your training done? What type of models do you use? What's your philosophy on it? And um, I think that that is kind of the best way to know how they're going to be approaching their helping profession. Do you think that's a good way to put it? Hopefully it's not too confusing. Um, and then they'll, you know, besides primary care physicians, which we've talked quite a bit a lot, quite quite a lot about since Mason, you're a primary care physician. Um, so then the only other really helping professional that I can think of is a coach. And so my master's degree is both in pastoral counseling and life coaching. And yeah, those two things are kind of different. So with Pat with life coaching, it's a little bit more nuanced. And I'm gonna actually probably create a future episode where we just dive into life coaching and how we can um approach that, but just to kind of differentiate it, life coaches typically are also very solution focused, very forward thinking, and they do not, they aren't they do not claim to be experts necessarily in any one thing, however, they are very, very good thinking partners, very good question askers, and help people really find their own solutions to their own problems. And we'll definitely get into that um in the future. Um, but it's we'll just say it's very solution-oriented and future-oriented. So I want to say that's everything that I can think of for. But really truly, no matter who you're seeing, I think the most important thing is that you get to know what that person's background is. I think that's so important. If they're Christian, getting to know their Christian beliefs or their um their denomination, where they got, you know, where any of these helping professionals got their background training, and what are their views on their helping profession? What are their views on humanity? I these things are very, very important. And, you know, one thing is I don't want to stray people completely away from secular therapy either. Um, I have gone to therapists who were not Christian and who practiced secular, you know, typical modern-day psychology, and I benefited quite a bit from that. But what I will say about secular psychology from my own personal experience is it's really important to advocate for your spiritual needs. So if you're seeing a counselor or a therapist who is not, does not see the world through a biblical lens, it's important that we advocate for our needs and and let them know our beliefs and to ask them if they're comfortable integrating your spirituality within your care plan. And if they're not, that person's likely not for you. If they are, I can say honestly, they may be a good fit. It just depends on the person and how comfortable they are with your your spirituality and your faith. Um, what was I gonna say? There was one other thing. Do you have anything that you want to add to that about advocating for yourself?

SPEAKER_02 33:51

No, then that was a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Are you clamming up because you're triggered?

SPEAKER_02 34:04

No.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Oh, and then so I think you know, so depending on what symptoms or what struggles present in your life, I think that that does kind of signify like who might be a good option for you and what type of training would maybe be best for your particular season that you're in. Do you want to speak to that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Not the training and for the like like that's just it's so nuanced, it just depends on the particular person's.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I don't think if they have significantly imp impaired functionality, they're probably not good to go to just anybody.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Well I mean, how do you want me to put that?

SPEAKER_00 35:13

Just confidently say it. I don't know, unless you want me to. Because like I've learned a lot about it. So I mean, if you're not comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

So if you're in an acute crisis type situation, it's probably best to try to reach out, and it may even be a more emergent thing, like if you're actively suicidal or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

We can't really sorry, we can't talk about suicide on the podcast because um they'll lock it. You just can't say the word, but you can say it a different way.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Okay. If you're actively thinking about hurting yourself or harming yourself, or you are in a really deep crisis type s scenario, or have really been struggling with a lot of mental health or trauma, a lot of um bad really, really significant traumatic events have happened to you, then you're probably gonna be best served by reaching out to those licensed healthcare professionals, like uh your physician, you know, physicians, possibly uh, you know, your licensed mental health counselors, those kinds of people, um, because they are truly trained to be able to deal with very severe things. Um and so uh we'll put that plug in there for that.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Yeah, I feel like if you have if you feel that your daily functioning, like your relationships and your work and getting the things done that you need to get done, if that's severely impaired by your mental health struggle or severely impaired by something else going on, you know, in your life relationally, it may it may be best to find somebody who specializes in that type of scenario or that type of what are you making that face? It looks like you don't like what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Well, I just don't want to like talk down like what you're doing. I feel like we're just talking people out of going to somebody like a life coach or whatever. Like that's like the not the point of the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

No, I don't see it that way. I see it as ethical.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

I understand. Go ahead. Say what you want to say.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

If you feel that your daily functioning is severely impaired by your mental health struggle or relational struggle, there are people out there who specialize in these things and are licensed by the state that can help with severely impairing type mental health struggles. And so I would say that definitely doesn't bar you from going to see your pastoral counselor, going to see your pastor, going to even get a life coach or a biblical counselor. I absolutely think that you know, working through our mental health struggles, working through a crisis or trauma involves an entire care team. It involves, like that saying is it involves a village. It involves an entire care team. And so absolutely share it with your pastor, share it with a biblical counselor, and share it with a licensed professional if it's a very serious issue. Get a bunch of people on your care team if possible, include your your primary care physician or your your physician specialists in this plan because I really think the most bang for your buck when it comes to healing is to involve as many people for accountability and for the proper care that you will need. How do we know that we are talking with somebody who's a good fit for us? Number one, and how do we know that they are say a healthy helping professional? Like, what are the signs that are like this is great? And then maybe what are some not so good signs, maybe red flags that we should know, okay, this might not be the person for us.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

Yeah, so I think that some things that are um that help with let's talk about it from our own personal experience, I think. Yeah, so I think from our own personal experience, I would say that that some things that would help to identify a healthy, you know Tell it like a story like your life.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

So it's not like you're telling her. Cause I feel like we've done a lot of that.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

So I think that like from me in my personal experience, that the ways that I was able to identify whether or not somebody was healthy is are they listening to me, number one, or are they just wanting to hear what they want to hear? Or are they not listening or taking in the things that I have to say at all? Right? I think the number one thing is are they a good listener? I think that people that are good good good listeners um are also people that tend to be a little bit more secure because they're not threatened by what you have to say. And I think that you want somebody who is not threatened, whether that's your doctor, whether that's a therapist, whether that's a biblical counselor or life coach, whatever it is that you're who you're who you're going to, you want them to hear you out because that is the best way that they're going to understand your problem. Um I also think that sometimes someone who's healthy, a healthy therapist or physician or whatever, is going to be willing to step in and give you hard truths too.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

And so it's about them listening to you, taking into account of everything that you have to say, and then in their professional opinion, giving you whatever advice maybe, if it's advice or um, you know, helping to develop whatever strategies they're trying to help you develop, whatever it is that they're doing, they're going to be willing to tell you upfront and honestly what you may need.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

You know? That's good. Um, so I think that that's really important too, because people who beat around the bush too much. Um I feel like there are some people who are willing or who who are going to just try to tell people what they want to hear. And um, I don't necessarily agree with that. I definitely don't agree with that as a doctor.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

Um Yeah, and sometimes that may be because they haven't done their own internal work, so they might they might have this ab this desire to want to be needed, or this desire to to people please or not step on people's toes. They don't want to be unliked. Um, but that's not really truly loving somebody with with love and truth. We need to combine the two, and sometimes, you know, that's saying some hard truths in a loving way, um, in a gentle way. Um, and so if somebody's not willing to go there with you, they may not be a good fit. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

I mean, it was just like um, you know, I was with a surgeon one time and he was talking with a patient, um, and this patient was like, No, I I really want my son to have surgery. He needs surgery, he needs to do this, and that the surgeon was like, No, I'm not doing surgery on your son. He said, I make a lot of money to do surgery. Like, I make a lot of money when I do surgery. So I have every incentive to say, yes, we need to do surgery on your son, but that is not the right decision to do surgery. So that that's a pretty good example of you know a uh physician who is willing to say no, this is not what you need, even though you think this is what should happen. I'm telling you no. Like this is this is this is not what we need to do right now. Yeah. And I think that that was um that's just that that's just a good example that um you know you have people out there that that you know I don't know. I don't even get into that. Make a lot of money, uh, you know. Do the things that they do, and if they keep you happy and you keep stringing you along.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Get that morning, get big dad.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

Yeah, I mean that's that's true. I mean, we don't want to reach out to helping professionals to create this dependence upon them. I mean, that's a huge point. Yeah. Is because you know the point is not to grow dependent on helping professionals, it is to to gain independence, to gain tools, to gain confidence, to then therefore go out into the world and not continuously need them.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 45:35

So it's a very good point. So if you feel that someone's breeding dependence and you feel like, oh, I can't, you know, I can't do this without going to my counselor and asking them if it's okay. Like, that's a huge red flag. We want to develop independence and confidence, not continuously feeling like the need to go back and go back for years and years. Um, which brings me to another point of like um say, for instance, you're a particular race or your particular minority, and um, or maybe you're dealing with something that's really tender, and you bring it to your therapist or counselor or pastor, and and then you feel like it's completely glazed over. Like maybe a microaggression against you has been completely overlooked by this helping professional, and you feel and maybe invalidated, or you feel like what just happened. Um, and say, like, if you bring it up to them and say, hey, like last time we talked, you know, I didn't really quite feel like you were getting it. I didn't feel like you understood, you know, what I was trying to say, and it and I felt overlooked, or I felt this, or I felt that. And share your experience. I think a healthy therapist or counselor is going to listen to you, to your concerns and your feedback, and they're going to apologize and they're gonna make necessary changes. Key factor make the necessary changes. If that's not an option, say they have completely overlooked your faith, even though you've brought it up, that's probably not a good fit for you. Time to move on. And so um that's just another point I wanted to make on that, and then what was the what was something that um that what's his name did that was really annoying. Like, how can we tell them?

SPEAKER_01 47:50

Well, I mean, he didn't listen to me, that's what I was trying to say.

SPEAKER_03 47:54

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

I went into he doesn't he didn't listen, he didn't he just kind of made up what he wanted to think.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Yeah, I think that if someone's willing to accept your feedback or even ask, like in my training, I've been taught to ask people for feedback consistently so I know that I'm, you know, that they are moving in the direction they want to move, they're getting what they what they need out of the session. Um, I think if they're asking for feedback or if they're listening to your feedback well, that shows a very healthy helping professional whose ego is not in the way and who is willing to love you in the ways that Christ asks us to love because it's not always easy for our egos. It's not always easy to hear feedback, it's not always easy to have to pivot, but it is it is the best thing a lot of times, you know, for the therapeutic relationship and the the trust building. Sorry, I don't know. I feel like I'm just blabbering. I feel like that's pretty good. Let me make sure there's not another random thing that I wanted to share, but I I think for that topic, I think that's it, but let me just check. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay. We're gonna we need to definitely talk about trusting your intuition and the Holy Spirit, but um, but I wanna do that when we get to the the um the part about um like the Christian part. So I think that might be next. What what have we not talked about on the list?

SPEAKER_02 50:30

We're talking about warning faith included, we talked about good faith, we talked about something.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Oh, Jesus is healer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

Yeah, we didn't talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 50:41

Yeah, that's the last one. Let's do that one and then we'll move on to the quick win and be done. Okay, so I'm gonna be honest, there was times in my past when I got deep into secular therapy and just deep into my healing process, and if you don't like the where I'm going, okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:07

No, I think it's good.

SPEAKER_00 51:09

And I think I almost expected another person to just somehow kind of fix what I was struggling with or fix my past trauma, and it wasn't that I didn't put in the effort, oh boy, I did, but I think I just lost sight of like our true healer, our capital H healer, the physician, the coun mighty or wonderful counselor, Jesus. Like yeah, we've talked about all these different professions, all these different people that can help us, and that's great. But like, who is the one that's like in sovereign control over our whole healing process and who and how we reach out and what goes on? I think so, you know, just like looking back on our past, like how have we learned to hold on to, you know, reaching out for help? Like, how do we hold on to that idea in a healthy way?

SPEAKER_01 52:26

So from a story that I have, you know, from when I've taken care of patients in the ICU before, um, you know, in the intensive care unit, you have very sick patients, and you have patients that they have a machine that's breathing for them, and they have a machine that's doing their kidney function for them and filtering their blood. They may have medications that are keeping their blood pressure up, they may have devices implanted in their heart to help their cardiac function, and all of this stuff can be done at the same time. So the patients, you're breathing for the patient, you're helping their kidneys, you're helping their heart, you're supporting their blood pressure, you're fighting infection and kind of playing the role of their immune system and all these kinds of things. And the point of all this is that you can do all of these supportive things, but in the end, it's God, it's Jesus, it's it's the healer that is either going to heal that patient in the end. You're supporting it, but either you know, Jesus is gonna either heal that person and it's that person's time to make it, or it's that person's time to to to move from this world. And so I think that that's the way that we need to think about it, just like this ICU patient, where we're supporting all these things, that yes, you know, in our own individual healing process, we do need to, you know, actively support our mental health and our physical health and um look for the things that can help us, you know, in this life, um, to sort to pursue the people that to become the people that God wants us to be, you know, to that process of sanctification. Um but in the end, it is I don't really like the way I phrase that, but it's okay, you can go back. Um but the point is the point is is that just like that patient in the ICU, we may need we we need to help do support spiritually, we need to help help support we have support mentally, have support physically, right? And have maybe bring in some of these helping professions around us to help support these different areas, but in the end, it is Jesus who is truly the healer, it is Jesus who is truly the counselor, and he's the one that is going to help us grow and bring things to completion, and that is a promise that God will that Jesus will bring us to the day of completion, that God will bring us to the day of completion, that it's not within our power, that it is the power of the Holy Spirit, uh, no matter what happens to us, whether our bodies fail, whether our minds fail, um, that in the day of Christ Jesus our Lord, like He will bring us to completion.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Yes, and I love that how that verse says He will carry it on to completion. He's the one carrying the burden. And that's a really, really good point because I think we when we think of our healing process is we need we really need to, or I have needed to differentiate, to separate what I can do and then what I'm concerned about, but that I can't do anything about, the only one that can do something about it is God. You know, there's two different categories. Like, for instance, you were saying showing up, reaching out for help, also using the tools we learn in counseling, in therapy, at church, you know, do participating in our spiritual disciplines. These are all things that we can do within our power to actively pursue healing, praying, continuously renewing our faith in God's provision for this area of our life, whatever area we're we're struggling with. Um, those are things we can do. But our concerns and care about the ultimate healing and the outcome, we can we can care about it, we can be concerned about it, but like God, He is our capital Age healer, our physician, our counselor, our the one who guides us. And so we I think what's so important for me is to really differentiate between the two. So that way I'm not carrying burdens on myself and trying to control my own healing process. And I think that's the biggest thing I I've been able to take away from the last 12 or so years of working through my sanctification, my healing process, my growth, is really tuning into the Holy Spirit, tuning in and asking God to guide me through this process. And he's been the one to open up doors, whether it be to show me a new tool that could help me, or um to to introduce me to a helping professional or a pastor who's gonna guide me along in this area. He's been the one to provide those resources, those people, those tools through his grace. And and it that's truly what it boils down to is God's grace, his his love for us, his grace that he just offers over to us all of these things to ultimately, what is our big goal through all of this? What you know, regardless of what issues we're struggling with, who we decided to go look, look for help with, what's our overall goal? In the end, it's to glorify God. In the end, it's to grow in Christ-likeness. And so, whatever we're doing, that that's that's the end result that we're hoping for. And so he's you know, he promises that he's gonna bring that to completion. He promises that he's going to take us from glory to glory. He he's gonna be the one to carry it. We don't have to carry that on our backs.

SPEAKER_02 59:15

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 59:16

And so that brings me to our quick win. So this particular quick win, this is something you can do within the next five minutes. I highly recommend it. This is something that's gonna take us from this question of what is wrong with me, like what problems are going on in my life that's causing me issues, or or maybe we've identified, you know, as like, oh, this is part of who I am. Um, we're gonna take ourselves from what's wrong with me to what am I hoping God will build through this process that He places in my path. So the first question that I'm gonna ask, this is our reflect. This is our time for reflection. We want to acknowledge the pain, the suffering, the mental health struggles, the relational struggles, whatever it is you're dealing with, we want to first and foremost acknowledge that openly and honestly to God. So before we reach for help, before we reach out and see a counselor, therapist, pastor, whoever, bring that openly and honestly to God. And ask him to participate, ask him, invite him into this question with you, because I know when I do this, the Holy Spirit is already at work and he's already ready to bring something up to my heart. But the question I want you to reflect on with the Lord is what single issue, if you made substantial progress in during counseling, would make the time or money you invested worthwhile? What single issue would make it worthwhile? Now we're gonna take that to our second step. This is where we can act. This is where we take action. We don't want to just dream and hope for changes. We want to cast a vision into our future and act upon that vision. And so that brings me to a Bible verse that is Philippians four eight. Or Philippi let's see. Proverbs twenty-nine eighteen. This is good, you think? Do you have anything you want to share? Come into your mind. So so it's important that we cast our vision forward, our God-given vision forward. We we don't need to sit and dream about it. Dreams can be fuzzy, right? But visions are clear and action and future oriented. And and then, you know, the Bible also tells us in Philippians four, eight, always says no, no. Says finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, commendable. If there's any excellence, if anything is worthy of praise, think about these things. And so I want to take that issue that you thought about from our first step, the one single problem that you want to you want to work on. And I want to take that and reframe it into a solution-focused, hope-centered vision. Okay, so we're gonna take what we just read from Philippians 4.8, we're gonna reframe that issue to a hopeful vision that we want for our lives. So write this down. Find a journal, find a piece of paper or a pencil, write it in your phone notes. We're gonna vision cast. Write down, I see a future where I am becoming someone who blank. So this is the fruit or the end product you hope for in who whatever type of helping professional you reach out to, any type of session, this is what you're hoping for. And ultimately, as I said earlier, our long-term vision is to look to Jesus, to glorify God. So as it says in Hebrews 12:1, that we rid ourselves of every weight, obstacle, sin that entangles us so we can run with endurance the race that's set before us. And how do we keep running our race? Looking only at Jesus, he's the perfecter of our faith. If we look to Jesus as our long term vision, the one, our healer, our counselor, that in the end, the I bo I believe wholeheartedly the Lord's favor is upon us when we are looking. Towards Jesus. We may not completely solve all of our problems that we hope to solve. But when we look to Jesus, that in and of itself is a true blessing. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:21

Thank you for listening to the Godly Habits Podcast. We really appreciate you being with us this week. And we are really looking forward to next week as we dive into more of these mental health care topics because this is mental health month. Yep. Mental health awareness month. So mental health awareness month. So um we're looking forward to that and uh look forward to um hearing for or look forward to you being with us again here in a couple weeks.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:55

Let's see, what do I want to say? And in the meantime, I pray for each of our listeners that you would receive the care, the resources, the tools necessary for you to continue to run your race, and that in your heart and in your mind you will continuously look to Jesus, the perfecter of our faith. Until next time.