35 | Daily Surrender to God: A 5-Step Christian Habit That Can Help You Surrender Control To God (Replay)

Episode 35 (Encore Episode)

Are you struggling with control, worry, and endless what-ifs? In this episode, Brooklynn and Dr. Mason share five practical, biblical steps they have practiced to release control, stop gripping so tightly, and practice daily surrender. If you’re tired of spiraling and ready to trust God with your future, this episode will help you to move in that direction.

What You’ll Hear

• Why questioning God is not irreverent, and how Scripture models honest wrestling with Him
• The difference between productive worry and unproductive worry
• Signs you may be struggling with control issues (and how they affect body, mind, and spirit)
• Mason and Brooklynn’s personal stories of surrender, including foster care and daily anxieties
• A simple 5-step framework (inspired by David’s laments in the Psalms) to release your fears and build the habit of trust

📬Need Prayer? Have Questions?

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📧 contact.godlyhabits@gmail.com

Quick Win Habit Practice

A 5-Step Surrender Framework (inspired by the Psalms)

References

• Episode 9 (Agency and Habits)
• Psalm 13, 42, 55 (David’s laments)
• Lamentations 1–3
• Genesis 1:26–31 (God-given dominion and agency)
• Matthew 26:39 (Jesus in Gethsemane)
• Hebrews 4:16 (approach God’s throne boldly)

Legal Disclaimer:  

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Always consult your doctor or therapist for personalized support.

Transcript

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You may have heard the phrase let go and let God. You may have seen it on mugs, Facebook posts, wooden plaques at Hobby Lobby, maybe even a crocheted version of it on a pillow on your nana's couch. It's super cute until your brain is spinning with what-ifs and your stomachs and knots and you're constantly worrying about the future. Then that five-word phrase can feel impossible or worse, kind of like a spiritual guild trip. If this phrase makes you feel uncomfortable, I get it. Because surrendering doesn't always feel peaceful. Sometimes it can feel risky or vulnerable. And trust me, I've been the person who tried to fix everything on my own. I've rushed ahead without consulting God, convinced I could force the outcome if I just tried hard enough. And sometimes I still catch myself doing it. If that sounds familiar, you're in the right place. By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with five practical steps to calm your anxious thoughts, to stop gripping tight, and to find comfort in a God who still holds everything in the palm of his hand. Welcome to the Godly Habits Podcast with Dr. Mason Howe. And Brooklyn Howe, where we help you build God-honoring habits. So that you can bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to be. We are a husband and wife duo, and we're so passionate about whole person wellness. So that's what most of the podcast is about. And we're just simply imperfect people learning to follow God through hard seasons. And we have a huge heart for fellow Christians who are walking through difficult struggles of their own. And so our goals here on the Godly Habits Podcast is to have really honest conversations about mental health, emotional wellness, spiritual struggles, and talk about things in a way that helps remove stigma within the church one conversation at a time. We hope to share some of the wisdom and encouragement and the lessons that God has taught us in our own journey. So, as many of you know, we are currently in the middle of a series about counseling therapy and reaching out for help. So we've been talking about giving ourselves permission to seek support, taking wise next steps, and really learning how to approach the process with wisdom and discernment. And so in the coming weeks, we'll continue that conversation by exploring some practical habits that Mason and I have used to get the most out of counseling and other helping relationships. But right now, we're in a very full season of life. So we've got graduations, weddings, vacations. Um, and because of that, we thought this would be a great time to revisit one of our earlier conversations and take a brief pause in the series. We're revisiting one of our earlier conversations that we believe is just as relevant today as when we first recorded it. And it's very relevant to kind of the season that I'm going through right now internally. I'm gonna be listening to it right along with you as well. And so I just pray that this episode encourages you in some way wherever you find yourself today. Part of not having a tight grip is being able to release things to God. And there's a lot of things that keep us tripped up from being able to release things, and one of the things that causes that is shame. Shame around not feeling like we can authentically bring our real selves to God. I was in a recent conversation with someone and we were talking about a difficult, tragic loss, and she said, I know that we shouldn't question God like we learn in Sunday school, but sometimes things like this, referring to the loss, just make me want to question him. And the truth is it's really a myth that we shouldn't question God. God actually expects us to question him. Jesus actually modeled this in the Garden of Gethsemane whenever he asked God, Is there another way? But let your will be done, was an example of questioning God but trusting him despite your question. So it's okay for us to question things. We just question and hold trust at the same time. Lamentations is also another book that shows us this, where the author is seeing the devastation of Jerusalem, and he's asking God, why is this happening? And why is this persecution going on? And when is it gonna end? He is genuinely asking God why, but still holding to God's faithfulness. This is something I felt a lot of shame around in my own life, because I felt like if I question God or ask God why, that I was being irreverent to God. And the truth is when you really look into the scriptures, so many people wrestled with God, whether that was Jacob literally in the book of Genesis or Job as he wrestled with his physical ailments and his suffering that he was going through. Yes, and it's really common and something that all of us struggle with, these control issues and these things that we want to have a really tight grip on. Something that we can relate to, but there might be different things that we cling to. And I think it sheds light on a few things. It sheds light on the areas that really matter to us the most. And it means it's usually those areas of our lives we feel a lack of safety in. And so that's something that all of us struggle with in one way or another. And when we do that, we can take on the role of God, trying to force outcomes that we would like to have. And those are roles that we take on that we shouldn't have. And there's been times in my life where I've taken on roles that I shouldn't have. And it's really freeing to admit that because it means that we're not alone when we know that we a lot of us really struggle with it. We don't have to carry shame around our control issues or our fears. We can name them honestly and bring them back to God time and time again. And that's what surrender looks like. There's this big question of, well, how do I know if I've completely surrendered or I've fully surrendered? And in my life, there's no there hasn't been this light bulb moment where I've said, ah, yes, I've finally met that pinnacle moment where I've completely and fully surrendered to God. For me, it's been a daily habit, just like any other habit that I've worked to build in my life. When I get out of that habit, I feel rusty. It feels a lot harder, more difficult emotionally. Sometimes I have resistance to it. But just like a lot of other habits and self-discipline that we can have resistance to, daily surrender is really no different. It's like if we were to forget to floss for a long time, we'd probably have a lot of issues with our gums. We'd probably get cavities. And there's similar circumstances, like consequences. If I don't practice surrendering my fears, my fears about work, marriage, my loved ones, my schedule, my to-do list, my calendar, my finances, my future. If I don't practice that daily surrendering to God, I can start to notice the painful side effects. So it is it really is much like a daily habit. And a huge obstacle, like Mason said, it can be having that shame around the things we want to control or the things that we have fear around. But if we have this mindset shift too, God already knows our cares and He wants to be involved. Friend, you are likely here because you deeply care about living with intention in your body, mind, spirit, holistic intention. And if this space helps you do that, this podcast helps you do that, just take a second to follow the show so that we can stay connected week to week. We'll keep showing up each week to walk with you. So when God created humans, he gave us control and freedom of choice, and he called it very good. So we know that having a sense of control was God's idea. But sometimes a sense of control can go too far and it can wreak havoc in our lives. So what helps us tell when control shifts from something that's healthy to unhealthy? Yeah, I think that's such a good question. And really at the crux of this, what we want to have is this sense of productive versus unproductive worry. So productive worry is saying, for example, you may be worried somebody's gonna get hurt, but then you teach them to avoid those things that may hurt them, and that actually ends up being helpful versus unproductive worry. So unproductive worry is when there's nothing we can do about it. Everything is totally outside of our control. So maybe we start worrying about the opinions of others and how they think of us and everything. Even if there's nothing that we can do about that, we get into this fear of man, and so then that worry takes over us, and there's nothing that we can do to change it. And that can really kind of tear us up from the inside. A couple weeks ago in episode nine, we were talking about having a sense of agency in our habit building and how sometimes anxiety can wreak havoc there. And so if you want to go look at that to get some further, some more context, we'll link episode nine in the show notes. But essentially, we talked about this sense of agency. It's belief in our own competence to achieve our desired goals, to overcome challenges, to set those goals, and this perception that we have the power to influence events and outcomes in our life. And like I said earlier, that is a God-given sense of control and power in our life. And it talks about it back in Genesis, where God gave us dominion over the earth. So productive worry is like using our agency to do what we can do for our own health, the health of our family, the safety of our family, things like that. Sometimes productive worry can turn into unproductive worry. It's when we've done what we can do in our own abilities in this physical world, and we have prayed to God for his protection, his provision. Yet then, so we have those open hands and we lift it up to the Lord, but then we close it. We close the hand back, we take it back, we continue on, and we do more and we do more and we do more, and we try to force outcomes. That's when this healthy sense of agency can become unhealthy. When we're talking about, well, what is a healthy amount of control? I think this key distinction that we can ask ourselves is does this response create freedom and peace in my life, or does it deepen the distress and control? Yeah, I think that's great. And this tries directly into surrender because productive worry acknowledges our part while releasing what only God can do and keeping us from going deeper into unproductive worry. Yes, because I think that's I mean, you said it so well, releasing what only God can do when we try to take on the role of God, when we try to take on the role of the Holy Spirit in other people's lives, in our circumstances, and we take on that unduly weight on our shoulders. Well, for one, anxiety just takes over. But where's the peace? Where's the joy? For me, when I do that, it's not there. The me that feels joy and freedom and peace, she's gone. She disappears when I try to take on those roles of God. Sometimes when we want to exert some form of control in a time of life that feels really, really uncertain, we can turn to a type of control or a type of coping in our lives that really and truly is causing us harm in the long run. So sometimes if we start to try to shift control, you know, our control issues about one thing, unfortunately, we can unintentionally shift our control issues to something else that causes us pain and harm. In the long run, when I look at my life three, five years down the road, if I continued this habit of control, what would that life look like? Who is she? What does she look like? What's her emotions like? Who is that woman? What are her relationships like with the people in her family, her church, her friends? What does her relationship with God look like? What does her health look like, mental or physical health? It's just something to ask yourself is like really picture that woman three, five years down the road if you continue down a path of unhealthy agency. Is this this habit or this coping strategy I'm using becoming a substitute for God in my life? What are some signs that might show a person they're struggling with control issues? So here's just some characteristics. Um, it's not an exhaustive list, but if you just start kind of noticing a pattern, that may be something to look into with God. Ask the Holy Spirit as I read out this list to share anything with you or bring things to the surface that might be affecting you on a daily basis. So sometimes it can look like no matter what you do or how hard you work, you always feel this sense of I am not enough. Sometimes it can look like little things, like not letting dishes sit in the sink like ever. Sometimes it can look like having spending an excessive amount of time or a large amount of mental energy trying to prevent every possible outcome. It can look like overworking, over-preparing, not being okay with not knowing. Like, have you ever really just been okay with the mysticism of God of not knowing what he's gonna do next, of not knowing what something means, of just letting things lay where they lie? Do you feel that you always need to know? Sometimes it's like overthinking or having analysis paralysis where you're just thinking and thinking and thinking and your body's just not moving and you're stuck. Do you have a hard time trusting your loved ones to handle their own lives? Uh, this one's a really big one. If you struggle to delegate or outsource tasks when you're at your wits' end and you have no more time, no more energy, you've done it all, but yet you are unable to delegate or outsource. That big need for control, it can go so much deeper. It might come from childhood experiences or deep-rooted beliefs that are wreaking havoc in our lives. If you even think that might be you, I highly recommend talking about these with your therapist, working out a plan with them toward recovery. If you're anything like me, this might be something that takes a lot of time to overcome. But it is well worth the process. It's so important that we seek help from God and those around us, either friends or professionals, who can help us break this stronghold off of our lives so that we can ultimately experience the freedom that God has for us. And this list of symptoms is not to shame you, but it's to empower you to seek help, seek recovery, to take those next steps. Yeah, I think those are some really good things for us to think about in our own lives to kind of address whether or not we are showing symptoms of having too much control or trying to control things and trying to step into that space that God naturally should be. Brooklyn, I know surrender hasn't always been easy for you. Would you be willing to share one of those moments when you had to let go of something you deeply wanted to hold on to? I am someone who likes to plan, to I care deeply about others, and I like to make things right when they feel wrong. And like a lot of women I know, I tend to carry the weight of everyone's well-being. Sometimes I carry it too tightly. And sometimes I just believe that if I do things just right, I can hold it together. But in this season, my foster daughter that we had at the time, she was a child I loved deeply. I prayed over her daily, I cared for her, and she was being moved to a new home. Now, if you're not familiar with foster care in the United States, this is a common occurrence. Kids get moved around a lot and you don't always have control of where they go. I mean, most of the time you really don't. It can be totally up to the system. And so she was being moved to a new home. I didn't know the family. We didn't get a chance to meet them. I didn't know where she was going. Every fiber of my being wanted to fight it. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be the one to read to her, to brush her hair, to help her feel safe. But I wasn't allowed to know where she was going. And I did, I had to let go. It was painful. And for months she filled my thoughts. I'd wonder how she was doing, my stomach would tighten, my brain raced with the what ifs. And that's when I used this five-step process that I'm about to share. Now it didn't erase the ache or the pain, but little by little I did start to find peace. Every time our foster daughter came into my mind, I turned it into a prayer. That was my surrender. If you're gripping something too tightly, a person, a plan, or the need to control, and you're feeling really tired. Here's a simple framework to help you release it to the only one strong enough to carry it. So this five-step surrender process is inspired by the laments of David in the Psalms. David wasn't just a king or a worship leader, he was a man who experienced deep anxiety, grief, betrayal, loss, fear. He didn't hide it, like we talked about at the beginning of the episode. Sometimes we feel like we need to hide it from God. David exposed it and brought it to God often. In fact, over one-third of the Psalms are classified as laments, raw, emotional prayers, where David brings his pain to God with honesty. So some passages that I'm gonna put down below so you can check them out. There's Psalms 13, Psalm 42, Psalm 55, and in these we see David pour out his heart. Not just once, but repeatedly in patterns. They weren't polished, pretty prayers. They're pretty messy, they're really real, and they're some of the boldest demonstrations of faith in Scripture. So, Mason, just like me, you've used this process in your own life. So I would love for you to just share the steps and kind of explain how that looks. The first step of the process is to turn to God in the struggle. This seems evident, but not always but is not always the case. Sometimes we vent about these things we want to control, or we exert control over a situation so hard that we think we brought it to God, only to realize we haven't actually prayed about it. David, in his Psalms, never vented into a void. He brought it all to God. Even in his lowest moments, he prayed. How long, O Lord? So when your thoughts spiral, pause. Not to solve, but to shift your direction. Say aloud, God, I am bringing this to you. Number two is being blunt and honest. David didn't filter his words. He said things like, Why have you forgotten me? Break their teeth, O God. In Psalms 58, verse 6. His honesty wasn't disrespectful, it was relational. So stop editing your prayers. God isn't asking for polished faith. He's asking for your heart and honesty and authenticity. So number one, turn to God in the struggle. Number two, be bluntly honest. Number three, ask him boldly. Ask boldly. David didn't just complain. He asked with confidence. Deliver me, he said, or rescue me. Answer me quickly. In Hebrews 4, verse 16, it says, We can approach God's throne with boldness. So ask clearly and specifically. Ask for things like peace, clarity, healing, provision. He invites you to it. Not because you're demanding, but because you trust that he listens. Choose to trust. This is the pivot point. David didn't just stop inventing or pleading. He made a choice. He chose to trust God in the middle of the struggles. One way that this can look like is by keeping a list of God's names, promises, and traits in your prayer space to help anchor you so that way when you come to this point in the prayer, you can look to what God has already done and who God says he is. Yes, this is something that I've done time and time again. I don't have all the names of God memorized. Sometimes I forget some of his unchanging characteristics or some of the promises he makes to us. So I have it written down in my prayer corner. And especially whenever I'm really like stressed out or grieving, I have the that list ready and available for me to look at in times of distress. So, number one, turn to God in the struggle. Two, be bluntly honest. Three, ask boldly. Four, choose to trust. Five, repeat as needed. Surrender isn't a one-time moment. It's discipline. Like reading your Bible or praying. And it gets stronger with repetition. For me, the more I practiced these steps, the easier it became to recognize when I was spiraling and reset before it consumed me. I didn't always feel peace immediately. But over time, my brain started building new patterns. I wasn't stuck in panic as long. I could trust God faster. This process helped retrain my nervous system and renew my mind. Not because my circumstances changed, but because my reflexes did. If it feels hard right now, that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It just means you're building a new habit. And one that forms spiritual and emotional muscle, which are sometimes the hardest ones. And that's what surrender is a habit that helps you stop gripping and start releasing again and again. And in my life, the more I practiced surrender, the freer I became, the more space and margin I had in my day for joy and peace. It is hardly ever easy for me. It is a personal struggle of mine. But it has been a very moving experience to connect with God through my control issues and my fears. Because he is a God who cares deeply about our cares, our hearts. Through this, God was able to show me how he was already at work in my situation. I truly believe that this can be your story too. May God bless your week, and I will see you next time. And remember, you're not behind, you're not alone, and with the God of hope leading the way, you are right on time.