36 | How to Get the Most Out of Counseling: 3 Habits That Support Healing

Episode 36

Have you ever wondered if counseling is actually helping? Maybe you’ve been showing up, doing the work, and trying to trust the process, but you’re still wondering if it’s worth the time, money, and energy.

In this episode of Godly Habits, Brooklynn and Dr. Mason Howe share three practical, faith based habits that can help you get the most out of counseling and other helping relationships. You’ll learn how to keep God at the center of your healing journey, take ownership of the parts that belong to you, and use wisdom and discernment as you navigate the process. If you’ve been feeling stuck, unsure, overwhelmed, or discouraged, this conversation will offer hope, clarity, and encouragement for your next step.

What You’ll Hear:

• Why healing often takes longer than we expect and how unrealistic expectations can leave us discouraged

• Three practical habits that can support growth, healing, and lasting change between sessions

• How to use wisdom and discernment when deciding if a helping relationship is a good fit

Quick Win Practice:

This week’s reflection will help you identify one area of your healing journey where God may be inviting you to take your next faithful step. Sometimes growth is less about doing more and more about trusting God with what is already in front of us. This simple practice can help bring clarity, confidence, and direction as you move forward.

Bible Verses Referenced:

• Proverbs 16:3 — Committing our plans and activities to the Lord

• Isaiah 41:10 — God as our strength, help, and support

• Revelation 21:6–7 — Hope and redemption in the midst of suffering

• James 1:5 — Asking God for wisdom and discernment

Related Episodes:

• 33 | Is It Okay to Get Help? Permission to Seek Support

• 34 | Asking for Help Is Hard: Take Your Next Step With Wisdom and Discernment

• 35 | Surrendering to God

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Legal Disclaimer:  

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Always consult your doctor or therapist for personalized support.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Maybe you've finally worked up the courage to ask for help. You've found a counselor, scheduled the appointment, and you've shown up. But another question starts creeping in. How do I know if this is actually working? What if things get harder before they get better? What if I'm investing time, money, energy that I just don't have to spare? If you've ever wrestled with those questions, you're in great company. In this episode, we're talking about how to get the most out of your helping relationships. And by the end of this episode, my prayer is that you'll feel more confident navigating your own counseling process.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Welcome to the Gatley Habits Podcast with Dr. Mason Howe.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

And Brooklyn Howe, where we help you build God-honoring habits.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

So that you can bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to be.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Some of the most common questions that I see out there on the internet is why does therapy not work for me? Or what do I do when therapy makes things worse? And so that's what we're going to be tackling today. And we'll be talking about some of our own personal experiences in each of these areas and some Bible verses that have really spoken to our hearts when it comes to this topic. If that sounds good to you, unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath, and let's get into it. So, Mason, I know we've had this conversation before, just the two of us, about our expectations that we bring into the room when we're talking with a helping professional, whether that's a a physician or a therapist, biblical counselor, you name it. There's some healthy expectations for us to have. And then I think that there's some expectations that if we bring into the room can really not only harm the relationship, but also can, I don't know, get us off on the wrong foot. So from your perspective as a physician, what do you notice in your clinic?

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Yeah, so I see a lot of people from a lot of different areas. Um coming from a lot of different places, whether they're coming back from seeing a therapist, whether they're just coming in and seeing someone for the first time and getting their process started um with whatever issue that they have. Um one of the biggest things that I see is high expectations that sometimes get let down. And when I say high expectations, I mean like kind of almost unrealistic expectations to where the person is expecting this problem, whatever it is, to be fixed instantly. Um a lot of times, you know, we live in this day and age that everything is instant, right? Instant messaging, instant, you know, email stuff. I mean, all this.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Amazon.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Amazon, like instant, into instant shipping, you know, whatever. You know, same-day delivery, all that kind of stuff. So everything gets solved really quickly in all these other areas of life, and so we're used to things just happening fast. But the problem is, is a lot of these problems are long-term problems. And what I like to say is in medicine, long-term problems take long-term solutions. So, so for me, like one thing I may see is is uh somebody who comes in with anxiety, and maybe they have gone to see a therapist and they've had a couple sessions or two or three sessions, and um they feel like their anxiety is not any better. Maybe they've started an anxiety medicine, their anxiety is still not any better, they're just they don't feel like they're getting anywhere, and it's been two or three weeks. Well, the unfortunate thing is that a lot of the anxiety medicines take four to six weeks to reach their maximum effectiveness. So they're not even at that point where the medicine may be at the point where it's really helping them yet, right? And not only that, therapy is about building a relationship. So the first couple sessions, at least first session is just gonna be introductory stuff. The second session you may dig in a little bit into what's going on, but really it's gonna take a month or two. I mean, really, uh, I mean, I would say it probably two to three months of work to really see results. Mental health, we can't see it, but the the mind works similar to a muscle. Just like how someone is not going to become a bodybuilder instantly overnight, the mind is not going to be fixed instantaneously overnight either.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yes, I really like how you said that long-term problems are going to require long-term solutions. And that kind of brings me to the the point that I made in our last episode. It was episode 34, where I talked about how our care team should really include an entire village, like an entire, a whole team of people um who are helping us and who they're different people that we're building relationships with in different contexts, whether it be in the medical field or it be in therapy or at our local local church, these are people who are gonna be pouring into us. And so it's kind of like how we would diversify our stocks in the stock market. We can also diversify our care team for our wellness. And then another point, I really liked how you said, like how you use the analogy of like the muscles, how working our brain in therapy is kind of similar to showing up to the gym day after day after day. You know, whether we're dealing with a relational wound or we're dealing with mental, spiritual, whatever kind of struggle we're dealing with, it's gonna take time. And it's similar to like if we fall and we skin our knee, we're not gonna be like yelling at our knee and super angry at our knee for not healing as fast as we think it should. But when it comes to our mental health, relational health, spiritual health, we almost expect ourselves to just have this quick solution. And it's not always the case. And so this episode really is going to be about practical habits that we can practice that both you and I have practiced as well to kind of adjust our expectations in a healthy way when it comes to therapy. So let's move on to our first habit. We're gonna be talking about three today. And the first one is centering our healing process on God. Love this. I love that this is number one. This is taking things to the Lord first and foremost. So before, and we try to do this in our marriage, even if there's something we want to process out loud to each other, we're not always good about it, but the intention is there for us to bring it to the Lord first before we even bring it to each other to process. And that same goes for friends or or a counselor. I think when we bring things to the Lord first and foremost, it really puts him on center stage. It's like saying you have sovereign control over whatever this is, then you can really process it with him. And there's a lot of filtering, I feel like that happens there in our hearts with the Lord. He can't he really filters out a lot. So even when we go to repeat it, the initial processing has already occurred. And so this brings me to a Bible verse I'd like to read. It says Proverbs 16, verse 3. It says, commit your activities to the Lord and your plans will be established. When we commit our entire healing process, our entire helping relationship, whatever it is that we're we're we're hoping to work on in these helping relationships, when we commit that to the Lord and our ultimate goal belongs to him and is ordained by him, our plans will be established. And that just shows us, you know, when we look at this word commit, right? Commit means to entrust. So to actually transfer ownership to God, to hand over entirely, which if you're anything like me, that might even have to be like a daily process of handing it over entirely, because it doesn't always come that easy, especially when it's something we really, really care about.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah, so Isaiah 41, 10, it says, Fear not, for I am with you, be not dis dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And with that verse, I kind of just say that to kind of dedicate the idea that God is my strength, he's gonna upheld me in his righteousness, that I don't have to do it all alone, that I am not the one who has to bear the burden, that God has said he is going to bear this work burden with me, he is going to help me. And I think that you can take that verse and apply it to so many things. Um, because truly, in your healing process, God is going to be your helper, he is going to be there with you through the fire, through the thick and the thin. Another verse that I really like is in Revelation chapter 21. And the reason I like this b verse is it actually turns my attention toward our salvation, and I think that just knowing that the struggles that we face in this life are not the end, and that there is a greater purpose behind it all. Uh, and so this is one of the things that I like to think of is in Revelation 21, verses 6, it says, It is done. And and at this point in in Revelation, it's the the when the new heaven and the new earth come into being. So it says, It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. For those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God, and they will be my children. Other verses actually use the one uh use instead of those who instead of those who are victorious, it says those who overcome. And I like overcome uh thinking of it as overcoming because we have a lot that we have to overcome in this life. And so um whenever we are overcoming these struggles, whether it's our you know, mental health, sickness, illness, persecution, whatever that is, you know, when we fight back with the power of God, I mean that is essentially us overcoming, and it talks about, you know, us inheriting what we will inherit in the heavenly link kingdom. So I don't know. It just is a really hopeful ver ho hopeful verse that can be looked to as a beacon of light in the midst of the darkness.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Mm-hmm. Yeah, because no matter so many people that are seeking helping professions are in a dark place. And we all need hope when we're in those seasons of life. Yeah, I love that you shared that verse. Cause it really does remind us that like even amidst adversity and the pain that we're going through, that there is there's hope for the future. So some practical things that I've done, whether I'm the one receiving the help or I'm the one giving, is to pray. So pray before the session, during the session, after the session, throughout the week, pray, pray, pray with your counselor, with your pastor, whoever your helping profession is, even your doctor. You know, we've talked about this in the past. If you're seeing your doctor um for mental health reasons or or what have you, even asking prayer with them if they're a Christian, I highly, highly recommend it because it's so powerful and it does remind us of who is in charge. The Holy Spirit, we're inviting him in to do his work, and we're not trying to take over. And so this brings me to point number two is for us to do the work that we are responsible for. And so taking us back to Proverbs 16:3 that says, Commit your activities to the Lord and your plans will be established. It says commit your activities. It's insinuating an action. There has to be activities that we do on a daily basis that we're committing to the Lord. This really helps us to create this balance with the divine sovereignty of the Lord that we just talked about, with what is our human responsibility in this process. And so there's gonna be us setting goals, us taking responsibility for doing whatever those said activities are in between sessions, in between appointments, taking responsibility for our part and what we can do. And so those quote unquote activities can be a slew of things. So sometimes we may come up against an issue where we realize I need to learn, like I need to gather more information than what I have on this topic. So sometimes our activities in between sessions is gonna be are gonna be learning something we need to learn or diving into the scriptures about a particular topic that we just were not aware of, like we need more information. Sometimes it's not about learning, sometimes it's about like taking action in a relationship. Maybe it's setting a boundary, a healthy boundary. Maybe it's learning to forgive someone and really initiating that decision to forgive with the Lord. I mean, there's so many things that it could be. Prayer, contemplating things in the quiet spaces. Maybe it's learning how to set a goal, a goal with parameters and specifics and ways to measure it. Maybe the person that you're seeing will give you homework. Sometimes they do. It just depends on the helping profession that you that you're seeing at the time. But they may give you things to work on in between sessions as well. You know, those activities that we commit to the Lord, they're not gonna necessarily, depending on where we're at, like, you know, for instance, me, I'm going through grief right now because I lost my father. You know, there are some homework, there are some types of homework I can do for grief, journaling type things. There's but then, you know, there's gonna be weeks where really the best thing I can do is take care of myself. Drink water, eat three, you know, square meals a day. Like sometimes that's our homework is learning to take care of ourselves. And so I think really what it boils down to the most important part about this part where we take action is that we commit to the process. We commit to putting in the effort during the other 167 hours that we are not in counseling. If we go to a counselor one hour a week, there's 167 other hours, we're not gonna be with them, and that's we need to take responsibility for what we do in those hours. I'm not saying we need to be doing homework all the time. No, no, quality over quantity for sure. But really, it's our responsibility to take on what we need to to receive the healing and the transformation that we might be needing.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Yeah, I mean, I think from my perspective, from what I've seen in so many areas of life, whether it be in somebody's education or skill building skills or whatever, the amount of effort that you put in is what you're gonna get out. So the amount of effort and how you engage with the process is gonna be what you get out of it. And I would actually say that likely the exercises that are the most difficult for you to engage with, that you end up having the most resistance to, a lot of times are where you're gonna gain the most benefit. There's a quote that goes along with this, and it's actually by Joseph Campbell, who was the guy who basically kind of figured out like the typical hero arc and uh archetype uh in history. But he said that the cave that you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek. Whatever things you're bumping up to that bumping up against that give you a lot of resistance, that's probably the cave, right? And your treasure is is through that, is going through that. And so um engage, engage with the process.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

So our third point or our third habit is to lean into our own intuition and lean into discernment when it comes to our helping relationships. And so this brings me to a Bible verse, James 1.5, that says, Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given to him, but let him ask in faith without doubting. So in helping relationships, we will need to use our intuition. Sometimes we'll need to use that gut feeling, we'll need to use our biblical discernment and the discernment of other mature Christians. We will need to develop a relationship with the Holy Spirit because we will need to use our discernment to determine whether someone's a good fit or not a good fit, which we talked a lot about in in our last episode, so I'll link that below if you'd like to dive a little bit deeper into how do you know someone's a good fit for you. But we will need to use discernment for that.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

There can be a few sessions where you may that you're trying to feel out if this is the right person for you. And I would say that some of the big things to look for when it comes to your discernment is do I feel like I can trust this person? Do I feel safe sharing with this person? Are they um listening to me? Are they mostly talking about themselves? Like these things are things that I would really encourage you to kind of think about whenever you're. Seeing a therapist because you have to have a good connection with that therapist, and it's gonna take a few sessions for you to probably be able to figure that out, and so and sometimes you have to bear with it for a little bit, and then at that point, you do have to make I mean, after you've given this a few weeks in, you do have to kind of make that critical decision point. Do I continue forward in this for longer? Or do I need to find somebody else because maybe the methods or the way we're going about things just doesn't seem to be working for me.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Yeah, and I think it's really important to not just tell yourself, well, I've already like shared some things with this person and I've already, you know, been here three sessions or whatever. I just I don't wanna I don't wanna go out and find someone else now because I've put in you know effort into this relationship. I really want to gently push back against that line of thinking. If you believe someone's not a good fit for whatever reason and you believe the Holy Spirit is leading you away, absolutely make that critical decision to leave.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

While it does, I know it seems like uh it's kind of a setback. In in the end, actually, I think that it it sometimes gives you more perspective, and it's not really as much of a setback as what you think, because you kind of learn the things that don't really work for you. And when you learn the things that don't work for you, then either in therapy, you know, or whatever that is, in medicine, whatever it is, um, when you learn the things that don't work for you, that allows you to be able to tailor your future treatments better to um to what does work for you. So I mean, I don't know that I would always see it as an as a negative or a setback. Um, you are gaining wisdom through the process.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Absolutely. And that brings me to another point I want to make when it comes to approaches or methods or homework. One thing that I've personally done is I've taken like an open mind into the helping relationships um and into trying new approaches, new different types of therapy. Um, and then I would just sit back and observe from kind of this stepped back perspective to determine what was helping me, what was not helping me, and then I just adjusted from there. So basically what you were saying. And one thing we can do when we're looking at those approaches and methods is always put them through this biblical lens as a filter to just ensure that what we're doing is aligning with the Bible. So we want it to align with our biblical worldview, and then we also want it to align with just is it helping us? We're all unique. Some things that help our best friends not gonna help us.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

And so we've talked about when to terminate sessions if someone's not a good fit, but there are other like more positive, you know, reasons why we may terminate. And sometimes it's because that we're doing short, short-term solution focused type counseling with someone, and we believe within ourselves that that that we've come to that solution. And so sometimes it's just a really great time to say, okay, let's terminate, and you and it can be a very mutual decision between you and the helping professional. And I've done that before, and it's a honestly a really good experience. Um, so I think in that situation, sometimes it's kind of evident. You go in with a goal, you meet your goal. Sometimes it's less evident. Maybe there's a time in your life where you just have less, you know, bandwidth to go through and do the work you need to do. Maybe it's okay to just put a pause on it and come back when you have a little bit more capacity. You know, I've gone through long stretches where I didn't go to counseling and then something will come up and it's like, okay, I think it might be time to revisit a helping professional. And so usually for me personally, that's if I get really overwhelmed and I start to say to Mason, I start to say, like, I just have no idea what to do. I feel like I keep coming back to the same thing. You know, if I feel like I'm I'm circling back around to the same themes over and over, there's usually a deeper, you know, root issue I need to get to. And the way for me to do that is processing with a a helping profession. I I just want to speak out and say that sometimes in counseling things are gonna get worse before they get better. And this reminds me of the story of Joseph, where in the beginning of his story, a vision was casted, right? God gave him a dream of what his life was gonna be like one day. He didn't get straight to that dream, right? It took years and years and years of adversity, slavery, all kinds of betrayal in order for him to get to God's redemptive purpose in his life. And so sometimes we're gonna go through really challenging things to get to those redemptive purposes, and part of that is going through working through our problems with a helping relationship. Really, when you look at Joseph's story, what's this overall theme that he that Joseph kept coming back to over and over? And that is obedience and faithfulness to the Lord. That's he just showed up with obedience and faithfulness, and God had the vision, and God had the outcome, and he had the whole process in between all planned out. And so that's how we can really look at our healing process. God casts that vision for us and we can go through adversity to get to that redemptive purpose, to get to that end result. And sometimes it's gonna be really challenging and it's not gonna feel good, but it does matter.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

That is just so true that we all have our path to walk in this life, and we're all going to go through trials, and the suffering we experience in this life is only for a short while, and nothing compared to the glories that lie ahead. So we are we are all everyone who has accepted Jesus is walking this process of redemption, and God already has the vision at the end.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

My question to you for this week as a coaching question, is what can you do this week to be obedient to what God's asking you to do? Is it committing your healing process to him? Is it entrusting it to him? Is it committing to the homework? To the responsibility that's on your part, those daily activities, or is it leaning in and trusting in your discernment that the Holy Spirit has given you? Leaning in. So decide in faith and then move forward without second guessing.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Thank you so much for joining us for this episode of the Godly Habits Podcast. We're just so thankful that you listened in this week. And we're looking forward to you being with us again uh for our next episode in a couple weeks.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

In the meantime, each of our listeners will be on my heart in our prayer, and we will be praying that whatever conclusions you come to this week, that they will be for God's redemptive purposes. And we love you and have a blessed week.