8. Embracing Sacred Pauses: Finding Growth in Stillness

Embracing the Sacred Pause: The Journey to Self-Discovery and Authenticity

In this episode of 'Becoming Sunshine,' the host, Madeline, shares insights on the importance of taking a 'sacred pause' to reevaluate and integrate life's lessons. She delves into her personal journey of overcoming health issues, realigning career goals, and understanding the need for rest and reflection. Madeline emphasizes the value of believing in oneself, trusting the universe, and the transformative power of letting go of control. She also touches on the significance of setting clear goals, maintaining authentic relationships, and the impact of past experiences on present growth. This episode is a heartfelt reflection on self-discovery, overcoming challenges, and finding clarity and authenticity in one's journey.

00:00 Introduction to Becoming Sunshine

00:30 The Sacred Pause: Embracing Breaks for Growth

02:17 Personal Growth and Realizations

05:51 Believing in Yourself and Your Mission

17:41 Health Struggles and Lessons Learned

22:50 Rediscovering Authenticity and Passion

28:42 Reflecting on Personal Growth

29:02 Embracing Change and Letting Go

30:02 The Struggle of Control and Healing

31:02 Trusting the Universe

31:22 Overcoming Illness and Finding Clarity

35:20 Navigating Friendships and Growth

38:38 Balancing Ambition and Relationships

46:18 Manifestation and Clarity

50:50 The Journey of Success

54:35 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you enjoy this episode? Please like, share, comment, and subscribe to my show so you never miss an episode.

Please Leave a Review on Apple/Spotify Podcasts:

APPLE - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/becoming-sunshine/id1753147805

SPOTIFY -https://open.spotify.com/show/64oRmgB1tNzukS1ztM0oXf?si=2c0695e2f1484d30

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Follow Becoming Sunshine

📸 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/becomingsunshinepodcast/?hl=en

📺 Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@BecomingSunshinePodcast

🧐 TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@becomingsunshinepodcast

🌎 Website - https://www.becomingsunshine.com/

✉️ Email - madeline@becomingsunshine.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Big Girl Rules Are In Effect

All content of the Becoming Sunshine Podcast reflects my own personal opinion at the time it was spoken and may be subject to change. NOTHING I say on this channel should be taken as legal, financial, safety, health, fitness, nutrition, mental health, or investment advice. Please seek out the guidance of professionally trained and licensed individuals before making any decisions. 

Transcript

Madeline: 0:00

Welcome to Becoming Sunshine. For those of you that know me, you know that sunshine has been an alias of mine for almost a decade now and sunshine also is me becoming my highest self and that's what this podcast is about. I'm here to help you understand yourself better and maybe learn some more about myself along the way. Thanks so much for joining me, I'm excited. Hey friends. Welcome back to becoming sunshine. today I want to talk about something that I like to call taking a sacred pause. Sometimes the universe forces us to take breaks when we're not doing it ourselves, and it doesn't always happen at the most convenient times. I feel like these brakes are vital and they act sometimes as an incubator for our evolution. I'm sure everybody's heard this before, or you know, if you just sit and think about it, nothing in nature blooms year round, so it's crazy to expect that we will too. I think the difference between people that are growing and evolving and people that are kind of just staying in, I'm not saying they're not creating any forward momentum, but they kind of stay in the same place spiritually. They haven't really grown or evolved in that way, and it's because they're so busy, like nose to the grindstone, in the rat race, I guess you could say, and then one day they wake up and realize that they're not actually happy or fulfilled with anything that they're doing, even if they've achieved some level of material success. I think taking this pause and people that take the time to evaluate and integrate things, even if that means slowing down sometimes. Trust me, it's hard. Especially as someone who's always focused on forward momentum. It's hard to take a little pause. It's hard to slow down, but when we take that time, we end up being so much more efficient and so much more productive when we do get back to what we were doing. We're so much more clear in our goals and have clarity around our why's and things are actually way more authentic. I recently reconnected with somebody that I hadn't talked to in a few months, and I could see on both sides, how much we had grown. This person is super intelligent, like genius level smart, but we're not all the best at everything, and everyone has different trauma and different blocks. We were having a conversation and they were sharing their perspective and realizing some things and it was stuff that I had tried to explain and share my perspective on six months prior to this conversation, and they just couldn't see outside of their own perspective at the time, and now that they've had time to pause and step away and really integrate. They're like, yeah, you were right. I see things clearly now it's just without that time and space, this person wouldn't of came to these realizations. Also in the time we had been apart, I came to my own realizations I think sometimes you have to take a step back so you can create that distance and remove that emotional lens. It's difficult to see things clearly. I think that's why sometimes when we're giving our friends advice, we just see the situation so clearly, or even if we're watching a show and we're engaging with the character in the show and we're just like, oh my God duh, and it's because we're not in this situation, we're not as emotionally involved or attached. Distance and space is a magical thing, like magical things happen and this goes with work this goes with romantic relationships, platonic relationships. This goes with everything. I feel like in every sense of the word, life over the last few months has forced me to slow down. It's hard to see how far you've come and how much you have grown, and it's not until you take that step back where you finally realize wow, I've actually made so much progress. Maybe I'm not where I want to be yet, and I think that's just a part of life. Especially someone who is always trying to become a better version of themselves. It's important to be grateful and also take time to champion and celebrate yourself for how far you've come, and I need to do more of that but it's hard when you're always chasing your goals to be happy where you're at and live in the present. I think that also has to do with some of my attachment style, being more like an anxiously attached or anxious person. I think just living in the future sometimes or thinking about the future so much, it's just like an anxious personality trait that I'm healing and I'm working on. Over the last literally the last September, October, November, December four months, I just feel like my life took a nosedive, I guess you could say like everything just started to go to shit and I think it was to force me to slow down and pause and to reevaluate some things like with my friendships, with my relationship, with myself and my career goals, and just get me back on track. I was pursuing so many different things, thinking that it was going to get me where I want to go, instead of just pursuing the thing that I wanted to do, and I think a lot of that is fear based and doubt based. I think it's a lot easier for me personally, someone who's always been an entertainer and in nightlife or playing a character or something that's always just seemed easier and safer to be that than to be myself and be vulnerable and believe in myself. I feel like it all comes back to that theme, always. If we just believe it ourselves, we don't need to do X, Y, Z in order to get to A.We could just do A and believe that what we want is something that we're worthy of and that's why we're going to have the success. If we really believe this is our soul's mission in this life cycle, if we really truly believe that, then yeah it's going to get where it needs to go, because that is my purpose. I don't need to do all these other things. I was pursuing different aspects of entertainment, pursuing modeling and potentially acting and all these things, thinking I needed to get exposure that way in order to promote my brand and my podcast. I understand that logic, but at the same time it's like why don't we just put all of our energy into the podcast and the brand and what we actually want to create and the message, and just believe that content, that message is valuable enough that it's going to get the traction it's going to get to the people that need to hear it, and it's going to be successful. I don't need to do all these other things and have success and these other things to build the platform to then do my art, like I could just do my art and that's going to be the thing, that's going to be enough, and I'm not saying I don't want to pursue these other things, like modeling or acting, or like whatever. I think as a creator a lot of that stuff is just going to end up being an extension of my creative journey, but my soul's mission is to help people heal by sharing my stories and using my voice. It's taken me years and so much trial and error and so many different modalities, different things I've used to figure out that this is what I want to do. So many things that I realize I don't want to do to get here and it's like, let's do it, we know this is what we want to do, we know this is what we're meant to do. Let's just do it. Let's go for it. We don't need to spread ourselves so thin doing so many other things, because we think that we need to do all these other things in order to do this. Let's just do this and let's just believe in ourselves and believe that me as Madeline and my voice and my message is important and valuable enough that it's going to succeed. I just feel like everything always comes back to believing yourself and being seen like truly. It's so much easier for me to be hot, or be a model, or be a character, or be whatever. It's almost like a mask it's so much easier to wear that mask. I'm comfortable, I'm used to it, I'm used to entertaining. I'm used to being a performer. I'm used to all these things, but this is new for me, this is a new era and a new chapter. At the same time, anytime I've ever pushed through fear and done something that I was scared to do, and understand like, you know, you have hesitation or resistance to something because it doesn't feel authentic, but if you have hesitation or resistance is something because you're scared, that's when you need to push through, and every time I've done that, every single time I always bring forth so much abundance, and I'm just like, why didn't I do this earlier? This worked out so well for me, What did I have to be afraid of? I don't know if everybody believes in reincarnation or whatever, I'm pretty spiritual and not everyone has to be as woo, whatever you believe in. I personally believe in past lives. I believe this is not my souls first lifetime. I think there's different soul levels. There's younger souls that haven't been reincarnated as many times, or maybe this is their first lifetime and the lessons that they are here to learn are different than some of the themes that I've had to deal with in my life. They just seem like higher level types of things, and I think too, that's why we attract certain people in our lives, different souls, like different people, like higher soul levels seem to find each other and relate, and it's almost like we're not in the matrix or we see life differently and it's just interesting. Anyways, I'm getting off on a tangent. I don't think this is my last lifetime. I have a lot figured out but I don't have it all figured out. I know I'm here in this lifetime to do a lot, but I'll probably come back. I probably won't get it all done this lifetime. My soul definitely has some more to learn and I don't know. We'll see, maybe in a few years I'll have a different opinion I think I'm definitely a higher soul level and maybe like a soul level seven soul level eight I don't know, but either way when I do come back I'm never going to come back as me. I'm never going to be Madeline. I'm never going to look like this. I'm never going to have this skin suit. I'm never going to have this brain. I'm never going to have this same level of creativity. The creator, God, the universe, whatever gave me this specific skin suit and this specific brain and the specific level of creativity, these specific goals for a reason, and not believing in yourself or surrounding yourself with the wrong people that don't encourage you don't light you up. It's just crazy to let those things keep you from achieving your goals and keep you from achieving your soul's mission in this lifetime. We don't get this opportunity again. We don't get this time back. Time is the most precious thing you can give anyone including yourself. You owe it to yourself and you also owe it to the people that you're here to help to stay focused and to fulfill your soul's mission and to achieve your goals, it's not even just about yourself. I never want to look back and be like, oh, I had so many goals and so much I wanted to achieve, and I was scared and I just didn't believe in myself. I was on a podcast recently as a guest and he asked me, he's like what's one thing you would tell your younger self, what's one piece of advice you'd tell your younger self, and I was like to believe in myself I think I'm still telling myself to believe in mine, like it's every day, which is crazy. I feel like I need to share this because I feel like sometimes people look at me and they're like, oh, she doesn't have any confidence problems, or any trouble believing in herself, but I think just the way I grew up and for a long time, the types of people I was friends with and the people I was surrounded with they didn't make me feel good. It didn't make me feel supported, or make me feel confident. There's definitely some childhood trauma there, I didn't always feel the most supported or seen. Something that I struggle with is discerning between working towards supporting my future self and doing things for my future self and also realizing when my body needs rest and when we need to take a break. I have a lot of shadow around the word lazy, and I think that comes from childhood. I had someone in my life that for example, they would be like oh, Madeline is so lazy if she had to work to breathe, she would stop breathing. Like what? How can you say that to a child? I think it came from an emotionally immature individual who saw things that came easy to me as a child. I had a really natural athletic ability. I had a lot of natural abilities, like innate abilities and there was more than one adult in my life when I was a young child that made them insecure, and as a child, you just don't understand how you as a child can make an adult feel threatened or insecure. It's crazy, and also to the response of that adult to then make the child feel bad and put the child down. How can you put down a child because you feel threatened or inferior to that child because of their own natural gifts and ability. Wouldn't you want to support that and nurture that God given natural talent and ability and just be like, oh my gosh, you are a star. this child has this ability like they are a star, I'm going to nurture this and watch them blossom and support them. I think it's hard because children can't really understand these concepts. They can't understand the concept of emotional immaturity as an adult because you see adults, like they know everything. they are these perfect, complete people almost like superhuman, you look at adults like they've got it all figure it out and then you become an adult yourself and you're like, nah that ain't how it works. They don't have it figured out, and they make mistakes. I also think it's a generational thing. The level of consciousness we have as a collective now and the level of consciousness our parents, grandparents, whatever had, I don't know if it's the same level. I don't want to speak for every person. I don't speak for a generation. I just think that the world is a lot different now. I don't think it's their fault. I think it's more socially acceptable for us to look more inward and to be more selfish and to take the time. I think it's more culturally supported to take the time to learn and understand ourselves better, and interpersonal relationships, and different modalities to understand them. I got really into astrology. I think human design is really cool, gene keys. There's tons of different modalities that I've looked into. I'm not an expert on anything by any means. That's helped me understand myself better, and I don't know if that was really supported. I don't think a lot of previous generations had the luxury of time to learn about those things and invest in those types of things. For example, your parents were in survival mode, they were the first ones in their family to go to college, or the first ones in their family to get out of that bad situation and change their life. That was their mission and their goal, and I've learned this too, that our children are always going to be an older soul level or a higher soul level than our parents they're always going to be more enlightened. I've also heard too, that we, as souls choose our parents. We choose the portals that we come through. We choose the life we have, and the path the life lessons, because that is the path and the journey that is going to teach us the lessons that we need to integrate in order to be the person that we are meant to be and be able to do the work that we're meant to do in this lifetime. Maybe our parents or our grandparents, their mission, their life was survival, roof over your head these lower level things like you know, building a family, being in a safe environment, being educated. getting away from a bad situation. They don't have time to work on their soul as much when they're trying to fix their physical world. I never want to take that for granted. I grew up very blessed in a home that was safe and my parents did a lot to make sure that we had what we needed. I didn't have to worry about the things that they had to worry about. I have the luxury to be able to work on my soul and work on other things that they never even got to think about. I never want to think bad about other people in my life, like relatives, whatever or think that they're bad people, it was just different circumstances. A lot of times our parents, people in our life, caretakers grandparents, relatives, older generations, they did the best they could with the tools that they had, and it's great that we have different tools now, and also it comes with a different level of responsibility. we're given so much to start out with, so we have to do so much more with it. The future generations, we came to clean up this certain mass and what we're doing now is going to seem so primitive compared to the things that they are working through and the things that they are healing as a collective. I feel like these huge, big world themes are going to be the things that they work out and they heal, but everybody had their role, and again, if I hadn't been cooped up at home the last few months forced to really think about stuff and integrate stuff, I would have just kept going forward, and I think forward momentum is good always working towards the goal is good, but if you don't take time to pause and reevaluate and think, hey is this really what I'm passionate about is this really the path that I should be taking, is this the best vehicle to get me where I want to go, and like I said, if we don't take the time to pause. The universe will for us and it's not always going to be at the most convenient time. I think divine timing is everything and it's the end of the year, which is already a big time of reflection, but literally the last four months, it was like one health issue after the next. I got a concussion and then I had an exposure to one of my biggest triggers that aggravated my auto-immune disease and triggered all these thyroid symptoms. I was having gut issues for literally two months. I had to get on a new gut protocol to try to fix my gut and that led to other issues a lot of your immune system is in your gut and is connected to your gut, so if you have some dysbiosis going on, your immune system is going to be really weak. The seasons are changing. There's just everyday stressors, so then I literally had flu like symptoms for three weeks. I could barely speak. The irony. It always goes back to my throat chakra and my voice. That's like always a theme, and yeah, I had flu like symptoms. I barely had a voice for three weeks. I just could not kick this flu whatever, and then, because my immune system is already down from having this flu or whatever I got a little cut on my leg and within two days, it got infected and it spread to my knee. I got septic arthritis in my knee. For those of you don't know, it's basically staph infection that moves to the fluid around your joints. For anyone that doesn't know that, nobody knows this I saw something I shared, but I for whatever reason, I'm just really freaked out by knees and joint, like ankles, like joins, just freak me out. I don't know, so it was super scary within literally two, three days I just had this little cut on my leg, on my lower leg and then literally my knee was so swollen. I could barely walk. I could barely bend my knee. It was the size of a softball and it was so hot and red to the touch. I was like, okay I'm like on chat GPT oh, should I go to the doctor? You know, I try to like thug it out. Sometimes I'm so tough and I hate taking medicine. I hate taking antibiotics if I don't have to, also just had these gut issues and I'm like if I take antibiotics then my guts going to be messed up again. it's just thank God I did, because it could have spread through my bloodstream and I could have got sepsis and died. That's so insane. What? Go to the doctor. So yes, I went to the doctor, they put me on antibiotics and were like we're so glad you came when you did this could have got really bad, and I'm like, yeah. I'm glad I came when I did too. I'm at the point where I'm very in tune with my body now after having an auto-immune disease and being sick always being a dancer when I was younger and an athlete. I've always just been very in tune with my body, and I think also just like trusting yourself and trusting your intuition. If you feel like something is wrong in your body, It probably is. There's probably something wrong. Even before, when I was sick, when I was going misdiagnosed and I went the conventional medicine route and doctors didn't really know I was misdiagnosed, they made me feel that I was fine. I was okay. It was like in my head, gaslighting me, which I think is very common, especially for women, unfortunately, and it's just no, trust your intuition. If you feel like something is wrong, it probably is. If you feel like you're sick, if you feel like there's a problem, there probably is. Keep pursuing it until you get answers until you feel satisfied. That is just my one message. I know that kind of was a little tangent. I went off there, but that's something I'm very passionate about and also something I need to remind myself when I'm trying to thug get out. we don't need to thug this out. We can barely walk. We need to go to the doctor and figure this out. Again, me trying to be so tough, miss independent, nonstop go, what do you have to prove? Because someone calls you lazy when you're seven, relax. You're not lazy. You have nothing to prove to anybody and I'm trying to prove all this stuff to myself. I don't know. We're always learning, always integrating. Anyways, I'm okay now I'm fine. I literally was joking to my friends. I was like, I feel like my curse is lifted. I feel like the last few months, I've just been stuck at home, sick with some kind of ailment and I just was like, why is this happening? Like, why? I just felt stuff with like work was not working out the way I had thought I would, or business partnerships weren't working out and it was just forcing me to say home and be like, okay what is this illness, what is this sickness trying to teach me? What is happening right now? I don't understand. Nothing happens just because especially the universe making you stay at home for a few months because you're sick and it's like, okay, I'm being forced to stay home. I literally can't go work. I can't do these things. I can't model, I can't walk, I can't use my physical exterior, whatever for my livelihood. Why is this happening to me? What was I doing? I feel like I was trying to pursue all these other things instead of what I actually was meant to be pursuing. I'm stuck at home. I haven't made a new episode. I haven't worked on my content. I haven't worked on my podcast. I haven't done this in months. I haven't refocused, realigned, because I'm doing all these other things, and the universe literally forced me to stay at home, integrate these lessons, and I also think there were some things that I have been pushing down because I was just work, work, work, work, or going out with friends, like whatever. there were things that I needed to heal and integrate, and I was forced to. Now that I was like okay universe, I'm listening. I start getting back to making content, getting back to the podcast. I think too, I felt really ashamed because I had been talking about making a podcast for so long. It's something that I wanted to do for so long. It started as a blog and then I was going to do a book and all these things and I still want to do a book, and I think that's also just how success works and how things work. You try something, it fails, you try something, it doesn't work out. it just evolves until what it's supposed to be and I know one day this podcast is going to be completely different from what it is now, but it's just you got to start and let it go. I stopped it for a while because life was lifeing and I took a break and then I was ashamed that couldn't get back to it, and it forced me to be like okay, what wasn't working. I kinda felt it wasn't as authentic as it needed to be, and having that space away allowed me to think about rebranding and think about the direction I wanted to take it, the things I wanted to talk about. Also in that time, I was doing so many other things that I feel like I needed to do for myself in order to heal and in order to become more confident and become a better version of myself for what I want to do. You don't realize how far you've come until you have that time to take a pause, It's easy to be hard on ourselves, especially when we don't feel like we're where we're supposed to be, where we want to be, or we have some perfectionistic tendencies, like nothing's ever going to be as good as we want it or where we want it. A year ago, I didn't even like to take pictures of myself or post pictures of myself on social media. I didn't feel confident enough to do that. I wasn't around the right group of friends. I didn't want them to think I was like oh look at me, but again, not my friends, but it's just like to go from that to literally in this past year, I opened a fashion show for a celebrity designer wearing her bikini, while they're performing. Like what, how is that even the same person and now I have this podcast I'm creating content and hopefully in the near future, I can just do this full time and I can just fully dive into this and pursue this. I feel like I was trying to pursue so many other things, thinking I needed to do that first in order to do this. And it's just No? If I could grow that much in a year, that's crazy. Imagine where I'm going to be at a year from now. Let's just sit and celebrate ourselves a little bit and be like, wow okay it's so important to acknowledge that kind of stuff because I'm sure people, see the way I post now and then see the way I show up now, and they think oh, she's always been this way. She's always been confident. She's always been beautiful. She's always been blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but beauty is manufactured. Beauty comes from the inside. Confidence is manufactured. It comes from the inside and it's not something that, I always had maybe I think I did actually. When I was younger, I always had this confidence, I always had this innate natural ability that was comedic, that was performative, that was entertaining. I think a lot of times when people talk about, being their highest selves as adults. It's really just getting back to your inner child and what you enjoyed as a child and what lit you up as a child. That is your authentic self, before all of the pain, shame, programming and conditioning. When I was little, all I wanted to do was perform like me and my sister, we would make my little brother do it too, and me and my friends, when I was little, all we would do is put on performances. We would dress up. We would put on concerts for our parents, for our friends, we would make up dances, do choreography, always performing. That's all we wanted to do. It's so fun, of course, as an adult that's what I should be doing. Now, not me being like oh, I don't want to be on the stage. I don't want to perform. I was so comfortable and confident with it when I was younger and then now to be like, oh I don't need to be in front of the camera or the star, like anything. I'm not saying I'm a star, like I'm a star, but it's just like that's something that I've always enjoyed. I think for a long time too, I thought maybe I wanted to be a coach or a teacher or something. A year ago around this time I was pursuing a tantric sex, love and relationship coaching certification, which you know, super cool. I still really feel aligned with a lot of the tantric teachings and it's something that's super interesting to me, but I don't think tantra is something that I want to be an expert in, or I want my whole brand to revolve around. It took me a little time to figure that out, and also I don't think being a coach or a teacher is authentic to me. I'm an entertainer and I think entertaining people is more aligned. You can still reach the same amount of people and help people heal the same and you don't have to be a coach or a teacher. I don't think I'm ever going to have clients. I don't even want clients. I want to have friends and connections and help people that way. I can reach people that way. I don't need to have clients and I don't know, maybe that's just me, being a creative person, a Pisces, that just seems so much more aligned, but again, it took me a lot of trial and error and a lot of time to figure this out and integrate this, and also taking this time to pause and stop and realizing why I had resistance to some things. Why things weren't working out, why I couldn't find the time or why certain business relationships weren't working out or whatever. Whenever you're feeling a lot of resistance to something, take a closer look at it because maybe it's not working out because it's not supposed to, like how they say, when you're holding onto something so tight, and it just doesn't work. It's like, let go. Let go and see what sticks Sometimes it can be really frustrating when it feels like everything is wrong. Your health is going to shit. Business relationships are going to shit. Something that you thought you wanted to pursue isn't working out and it's just like, why is everything falling apart? I hate that feeling, it sucks. I feel like 2024 was a lot of lessons. It was about learning, like in my relationships, with my friends, with business partnerships, with my career. I have grown more this year alone than I have in the past few. If I look at my life compared to a year ago, unrecognizable. Completely different friend group, completely different career path, like everything is just completely different. I even look different, like a glow up, it's crazy, and it's literally the universe, and there's so many other creators that talk about this when you're uncomfortable and things start to fall apart and crumble. It's to make space for the new. It's like cleaning out your closet because your closet is full of clothes that don't fit you anymore. They're not your style, and it's if you don't go through it, you don't get rid of it, there's no room for new clothes. There's no room for new opportunities. There's no room for clothes that fit you better, a life that fits you better. Certain relationships have to fall away. Certain friends have to fall away, certain business partnerships have to fall away, certain careers have to fall away, resources have to dry up, sometimes you have to deal with a sickness, an illness, and it's because what you're asking for it's coming, but you need to let go of what you already have and just have faith and trust that the universe is going to catch you and that you're divinely protected, and that everything you're asking for and that you want is coming. I feel like too, as maybe more of a controlling personality, it's hard sometimes to let go and let go of that control, and I think a lot of that stems from again, like childhood. I didn't have a lot of stability growing up. My family moved around a lot, and so I think now I have maybe some control issues. I like feel the need to control things all the time, whether that in my life or my relationships, and that's something that I'm working on healing, but being in flow and being in your feminine energy, that is when things come to us. That is when opportunities, people, abundance, flows to us and through us, and remembering that is so important. It's so hard sometimes, and sometimes when things are just not working out and you're being met with resistance, things are crumbling and it's frustrating, and it's just like surrender. I think at a certain point you just have to surrender because you just can't do it anymore. You just are like, all right, life's canceled. I give up. Universe, whatever plan I had for myself. Whatever I thought I needed to do like, you know, better. Sometimes we can have this plan for ourselves and the universe has a better one. God has a better one. It's hard, trust me. It's so hard especially, when you're working so hard and you just feel like you can't catch a break. This has happened to me before, and I had to sit and remind myself of this time in my life. This was a few years ago, when I first realized I was getting sick. I was sick most of my twenties, pretty much my whole twenties I was sick. I had an illness before I even knew I was sick. I just didn't know what was going on. My symptoms were super vague, but this was when it got to its worst and my disease actually started to manifest. I had a trigger that just set everything in motion, and right before that I felt like I just couldn't catch a break. Then literally this magical person came into my life and it just changed the trajectory of my whole entire life, and things started to make sense. Why everything is happening, and I just had to remind myself that the universe tests us the most right before our biggest manifestations come through. Like before, when I was like, I just don't feel like I can catch a break. I remember I was talking to my sister and she's," I just feel like you can't catch a break," and I'm just like, period, what is happening? I think I felt that over the past few months recently, and it's even hard to talk about because it's emotional, it sucks. No one wants to talk about when things feel shitty and things aren't working out and you feel sick and you're just like, I've been working so hard, taking so much aligned action. Why aren't things working out? The universe sees that and sees how hard you're working, but maybe what you were working towards and what you're reaching for is not what is meant for you. There's something so much better meant for you and that stuff isn't working out, but something else is. The action you're taking is leading you towards something that you haven't even realized for yourself, and it's going to be so much more amazing. You just need to trust and let go. I'm starting to get my mojo back. One of my business relationships took a different direction, but then a new opportunity popped up, and another opportunity popped up and I'm starting to make new connections. Literally just the other week I was like, what I'm doing feels so much more aligned and different parts of my career are aligning with each other and helping each other and supporting each other, and I didn't have that before. This crumbled away, I was meeting so much resistance for this and it's because something better was coming along and I just needed to let go. Just let go and trust and anytime I do this, the universe really doesn't leave me hanging. I am divinely protected and highly favored. Thank you, and literally within like days, weeks, the universe will deliver. Every single time never fails. Literally this time last year I was like okay, I'm going to make a change. I'm going to do something that I haven't done in a long time, and I'm just going to trust the universe, it's in your hands and literally within weeks it brought me a new opportunity, and again though, if you are so go, you're not sitting there remembering you're patterning. You're not remembering, you're not thinking about, things that have happened before. They say if you don't remember the past and integrate the past, you're destined and doomed to make the same mistakes and do the same in the future, and I think that's why my life kept going in the same direction for so long because I was doing things the same way. I wasn't sitting and taking a pause and thinking, okay why am I being met with resistance? Why are things going the way they're going? What is the universe trying to teach me? What am I supposed to be doing? Because we're supposed to be in flow, especially as females, in our feminine energy. There's a time and place to be in your masculine energy, of course, and I think part of the female experience is navigating that. Our lesson as women is to understand how to feel pleasure, be in flow, and be comfortable with receiving, and be open and just be deserving. It's so hard, I know. I don't know why, like, why is this so hard? Like, why do we feel like we have to hold on so tight and work so hard? I feel like that was just conditioning and culture and I don't know but it's something that we, as a collective need to heal me personally, need to heal. Now that I'm on the other side of all this struggle. I'm like, okay I see now I see it. It makes sense to me, and also I think sometimes you don't see how much you've grown or how much you've changed until you go back to old friendships, old relationships, old dynamics that don't really fit anymore. You see people more clearly for where they're at or, maybe you're seeing where you used to be at, or sometimes you see that people have grown, but they're still not quite where you need them to be, or on your level. I don't mean aren't on your level materialistically, I mean like spiritually, energetically. I recently went to dinner with an old friend that I hadn't seen in awhile, and it was nice, it was nice to catch up. I had a little bit of resistance before we met up and I probably should have again, listened to my intuition and my gut and remember if it's not a hell yes, it's a no, but it's okay. It's okay to run into the fire, and I thought maybe I was just being judgemental or whatever, and also we hadn't seen each other in a while, they're the one that reached out to me and I don't know, I didn't want to be closed off, and so I was like, okay we'll meet up. It's interesting, always pay attention to how you feel after you're with somebody. Somebody that used to light me up so much, I felt drained after I felt exhausted and I think that's because I realized they didn't really have anything else to offer me. We just hadn't grown together. I feel like they were still in the same place I left them and that's okay, but we didn't need to continue this friendship and this relationship, and I'm not saying that relationships need to be transactional, they shouldn't be, but we should be helping each other grow in some way. We don't need to be the best at the same thing, maybe these are my strengths, these are your strengths. We help each other grow. We fulfill each other, we fill each other's cup up, and also too, again trusting my intuition. It felt calculated. I feel like this person saw me and my life and things moving a certain way for me, and then all of a sudden they were interested in seeing me again. We haven't spoken in months, I don't know. So again, trust your intuition and realize that someone that might've been important to you or a big part of your life at one time maybe isn't aligned with you anymore, or they're not a fit for you anymore, or they're just not growing as quickly as you are. Sometimes I get down about this a little bit. I don't have a lot of friends from when I was really young and part of that was from moving around a lot as a kid, but I feel like I'm always evolving and changing and growing so rapidly. I literally joke I've been like reborn 10 times this year. That's why I don't really have any tattoos, like the person I was even, it could be like a week ago could be a completely different person than now I'm always growing and integrating and some years I grow exponentially more than others, so the friendships and the people that I engaged with five years ago, four years ago, six years ago, 10 years ago, they don't even know the person that I am now. We have nothing in common and that's okay, and I don't need to feel bad about that. That's why it's so much more special too when I do have friendships that have lasted the test of time, but it's okay to, if they don't, and it's also okay to have different levels of friendship. It's okay to have some people that you come to for this, or some people you come to for this, and I think that's also a part of adult relationships and adult friendships. I'm doing a lot right now. I am in a selfish point in my life. I'm trying to build my brand. I'm trying to build my podcast. It's not even just about my ego, it's moving from a place of service. I know that what I have to talk about and what I have to share is going to help other people heal and it's stuff that I wish I knew earlier, but it's okay, and so I have to put this work out there because if I don't, people aren't going to get it. People aren't gonna receive it. The people that I could have helped are not going to be reached. It's almost selfish of me to not be laser focused on my goals and my mission, and if I have friends that I don't see as often, or I don't have as much time for, and I'm not saying you can just stop investing in your friendships. You can't because that's not okay. It's important to invest in your friendships and maintain those friendships, and let people know you love them and care about them and show up for people, but if my friends don't understand what I'm trying to achieve, then it's not going to be a friendship that I'm going to be able to maintain. All my friends in my life now, we're all doing shit. We all have goals. My greatest contribution to society is not going to be who I married or who I chose to have children with. I'm sorry, that's no shade to anybody. If that's your goal, that's all you want to do, all you care about, that's cool. You do you booboo, but for me, I do want to have a family, I do want to get married, but I'm never going to feel fulfilled fully by that alone. I'm going to feel fulfilled by achieving my goals and achieving what I think my soul's mission is in this lifetime, and also that's the example I want to set for my family and my partner. I want to inspire my partner and vice-versa, and I want to inspire my children. I don't know that's just me though. That's just me. Another person that I reconnected with recently, we hadn't spoken for a few months. It was different, in comparing the two situations, and one person I hadn't seen in a few months, another person I hadn't seen few months, and I actually could see the growth that this person had. The time we separated, we actually both grew a lot, things that we had discussed, things that we had talked about, where they had a very rigid trauma-based, unhealed, moving from a place of wounding perspective. They have a lot more clarity and they see things a lot differently now, and having a really conscious conversation was actually really nice and really healing for myself and also really validating. I was like, yeah, you see it, you understand, you get it now. You get the person I was always trying to be, you get what I was doing before. We see each other more clearly now. I feel like when people are operating out of a place of pain, they're so foggy and they're so blinded by their own wounds they can't see things clearly, so the fact that this person had healed so much. I don't want to sound condescending, and be like I was so proud of them, but like I am I am so proud of them because the way I see them always has been as this amazing person, like under all this trauma and wounding, and then for them to now start to see that themselves I'm just like, yeah this is the person I always knew you could be, and I don't think that they're fully there yet, but they're on their way. It was healing and validating for me too because I was so upset for so long about this person, the way things were between us, our dynamic, the way they treated me, the way they responded, and it's just like, I finally realized, I never needed to be that upset because the person they were at that time was not the person that I needed. It wasn't the person that they are now, it's not the person that they're going to be. I always saw them as their highest self under everything, but it's like the person that made those choices, the person that was engaging with the people they were engaging, the person that was tempted by the things they were tempted by, that's not the person that I need or I ever needed. That's not the version of them that they were. All that too could have been, I was projecting what I saw and what I wanted onto this person when they really weren't there yet, they really weren't healed. They hadn't really grown into that version of themselves. It's nice for both aspects. I could see the growth that they have done, but I could also see I never needed to be that upside because they never were that person, and that's okay. Everyone's journey is different. Things take people different levels of time. It was nice to see the person that I did see underneath all that is in there, and I think they could become that person fully one day, but again, that's their journey and their timeline is their timeline, and I think I'll always have a relationship with this person. I think we will always be friends. We've always had a really strong connection, and a really important dynamic. I'll always care about this person, but we can never go back to what we were. I think that goes for romantic relationships, I think that goes for platonic relationships, you can't go back to a dynamic, you can only go forward on a new timeline. I think that's always going to be evolving and shifting, we're still figuring out that dynamic together, and detaching from the outcome and detaching from what I wanted it to be at what time, what it is, what it's going to be and just letting it be, like surrender. I feel like surrender in general is one of the biggest themes that I'm dealing with right now, and that I'm integrating right now, and it's just like when I do surrender and I am in flow, everything I want, like better than I even could imagine just comes to me in abundance. I just need to remember that and trust, like trust. Especially if you're working towards being your highest self and you're doing everything, you're taking the aligned action. You're healing, you're making good choices, just trust that things are going to work out even if you feel like everything is crumbling and like you can't catch a break. It's for a reason. It's okay, why is this not working? Because it's not supposed to. Timing is everything maybe timelines are gonna align later, or a better opportunity is going to come, and it's just trusting that, just trusting in yourself, and the work that you put out there and knowing that it's going to come back to you tenfold in a way that's better than you ever really could have imagined. In the time that I took a pause from the podcast, I feel was so necessary because now it's so much better. My last episode I put out, I could just hear in my voice how much more confident I was in front of the camera. How more clear and focused the episode was, the actual content in the episode was so much better, and it's just like without the time to integrate and to collect these skills that were going to make me better, that never could have happened, so instead of having shame around why I needed to take a pause, or why I needed to take a break, or why I had to take a step back, just accepting that things are the way they are for a reason. If something's not working out, it's probably not supposed to. If you need to take a break from something and set something down because you're exhausted, you are overwhelmed, overworked, set it down, let it go. If a relationship isn't working, friendship isn't working let it go. You know, things you might pick back up, and there'll be better than ever, people might go apart, grow into themselves, come back, be better than ever. It's just crazy, literally in every aspect of my life, I've just been forced again because my control issues, I've been forced to put things down and let them go and surrender, and it's so much better. I'm changing the branding. I'm changing the aesthetic a little bit of the podcast, and it just feels so much more authentic. I have clear goals and clear visions I don't know if you guys have heard about this trend, but I did it recently and I literally cried. I was so emotional. I told so many people about it, literally telling me Uber driver about it the other day. All my friends and family, I'm like, oh my God, you have to do this. I'm not like a huge trend person. I'm not, I like there's some that I hop on others. I think they're cool, but I just, I don't know. I feel like I'm just like, so into what I'm doing, like I just. I don't know, but it's the Chat GPT day in your dream life trend. You basically ask Chat GPT to write out a day in your dream life, and it's so crazy how accurate mine was. It was literally like Chat GPT was looking at the inside of my brain. Like I've never even told anyone any of this. I've never even fully written it down, which is why this exercise is so great because it helps give you clarity and I am more of a words person, I journal. I have a podcast, like my love language is words of affirmation. Like words are my thing. That's how I channel. That's how I learn things. When I was younger, I took a little quiz, like we do in grade school, and I'm an auditory learner. I remember everything I hear. Some people are more visual that make vision boards and you just see something like, I need to hear something. That's why I like audio books that's why I like podcasts, if a guy or anyone tells me anything, like I may not remember the day or what they were wearing, what they look at, but I'll remember what they said. I'll always remember what someone said. One thing about me, I'll always remember what you say. It was nice because it gave me clarity on what I had in my brain, like what I wanted, and I was able to see it written out, and then I was able to actually turn the day in the life words into a podcast, which was so cool. Basically you go on Chat GPT, and you tell them where you're at now in your life, with your relationship, with your career, your lifestyle, and you tell them your goals, big high-level goals, like dreams, like where do you want to live? What kind of lifestyle do you want? What do you want the dynamic of your day to be like? What do you want your relationship to be like? What do you want your family life to be like? What do you want your career to look like? You say where you're at, you say where you want to be, and then you basically asked them to come back to you and ask high level questions to get clarity. Then when they're 95% sure they can write this out and get it right to give it back to you, and I asked them to do 1500 words, just so it's like in-depth enough. It came back, asked me all these high level questions to get clarity, and then it came back with this day in the life and it broke it down from like my morning to my afternoon, and it integrated like my family life, my dynamic with my partner, my dynamic with my career and where I wanted to live. Like it was so perfect. I literally cried. It was crazy. I sent it to my siblings and a couple of my friends and I'm just like, oh my God, you guys have to do this. It's crazy. Then you can actually also take that day in the life, and put it into Google notebook, which is an AI, and you can turn it into a podcast. These AI voices literally talk about your day in the life, and they're talking about you on a podcast episode. Hearing that, is so great for manifestation, especially if you're into words like me, if you're more visual, I'm sure there's other ways that you can do it, and then also you can go back to Chat GPT after it gives you this day in the life and tell it to give you a step-by-step guide, like to go from where you're at, to where you want to be and it'll break it down in all the steps, and you can go as detailed and as precise as you want. That is key because again, yes this is nice, this day in the life thing, but if you don't have the steps and you're not taking aligned action to get there, it's still just a dream. It's still just a day in your dream life. that's the thing, first you have to get clarity. That's how manifestation works. You have to get clear. You have to get clarity around what you want, because if you don't even know what you want, how are you going to ask the universe? You should believe in yourself because you wouldn't have these visions for yourself. You wouldn't have these goals if they weren't possible. If there wasn't a version of you on another timeline that already had them. It's possible because in some dimension somewhere, you already have achieved these things. I truly do believe that, but in order to get it in this dimension, and this timeline, you have to be clear and you have to be taking aligned action. We can't just sit back and hope and dream because a plan without action is just a dream. Doing this step-by-step thing is so important. An ex partner that I had, he was a really big entrepreneur, and one of the things he talked about was taking the steps and breaking things down into manageable steps. He's like, this is why so many people fail. They just get so overwhelmed and it's like, you just have to break it down step by step, and then when you do one thing you go to the next step. You don't try to break off so much at one time or try to do so much at one time because that's how you end up failing. He's like, If you just want to go from point a to point B and these are the steps to get there and you just do one step at a time, you will get there. It's crazy that he drew out these steps, like a staircase, and I saw this reel recently on Instagram, my friend sent it to me and made me cry. I don't know, I'm such a cry baby, but whatever it's fine. It was literally the best representation of life that I've seen ever, like ever, I'm sure you guys have seen it. It was like a interactive art, like an art display. I wish I could remember the artist, but basically it was a guy on a staircase and there was a trampoline under the staircase and he was walking up the stairs, trying to get from the bottom of the staircase to the top of the staircase. I don't know why I'm explaining this to you guys, you know, how staircases work, but anyways, he would do a step and then he would fall off of the staircase onto the trampoline, and then he had bounced back up onto the staircase and he just kept doing this over and over again, and he would fall from different points of the staircase and it's he just like for so long, can never get back to the top. It was just interesting because he would always fall to a different place in the staircase. He would fall backwards. He would fall forward. He would fall back again and then he would get back up further, and that's just how success and how life works. Whenever you listen to an interview or read a memoir of a successful person, there's so many similarities and their journey is never just like easy, they just got there. There's always struggle. There's always back and forth and it's a mess. Stuff didn't work out, and things crumble things fall apart. They failed over and over again, a lot of the time failed, a lot, and that's just part of the journey. Even on the art piece, he literally got to the very top of the staircase at one point and he fell, so it's not like once you get there, once you make it you stay up there. Oftentimes you fall, and then you get back up, and that's why so many people at the top, the top, they fall from grace, they fall from success. I've been very fortunate to know a lot of really successful people and be really close to a lot of really successful people, and they've opened up to me about their own experience where they had made it, they had gotten to that level of success, like multimillionaires, whatever, and they almost lost everything or they did lose everything and as heartbreaking and earth-shattering is that can be sometimes, they always ended up building it back and being better than ever before. I feel like that's even more inspiring. To have it you worked so hard to get there, and then you fell and you lost it all, or you almost lost at all, and then you grew it back even bigger. These people are even more successful than they ever have been, and it's because they didn't give up on themselves. It's because they didn't let that fear engulf them. This is happening to someone I know now, and I tell them that story, I sent them this reel and I'm just like, you got this, like you got this, and it's stuff I need to remind myself too. It's hard, and that's why friendships and our circles are so important because these are the people that are going to get you where you need to go. They say Rome wasn't built in a day and it wasn't built alone, and I think sometimes we forget that, especially as women or just like as very independent people we're like, I got it like I got this, I can do it, but it's just like everybody needs help sometimes, everybody needs mentors, everybody needs support. People that are more successful than me still come to me for advice and still come to me for guidance or whatever, and that's one thing that I love to maybe someone is more successful than me in like business or whatever, but I am more spiritually successful There's different qualities and traits that people have and we help each other. No one is the expert or amazing at everything. There's things that I don't understand that I need help with, that I need to work on. There's things that other people don't understand, and also too, we all have had different relationships, different dynamics, learned different lessons and know different people, ran in different circles, have a different network, and so sharing other people's stories can be inspiring. Life has just been lifeing, and I think one of the main things is whenever life gets like that, it's okay if you need to take a break and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and it's okay to crumble a little bit, it's normal, but then think what is the universe trying to teach me right now? Things aren't working out, why? I'm being met with resistance, why? Remember what your goals are and get clear on your goals, and if what you're working towards is not in alignment with that, or it's a roundabout way to get there, think maybe I don't need to be doing all this. Maybe these other things aren't working out because I don't need to do them, like if it's not even what I really want to do, stop all that. Just stop. If it's a roundabout way of getting to your goal and maybe it's not working out, maybe there's a better path, a more direct path, and the universe is trying to show you, and you're making things harder than they need to be. So I think just surrender, believing in yourself, and just trusting the universe and trusting in yourself and that everything's going to work out probably better than you could have imagined. Checking in with yourself and being like okay, is this aligning, is this friendship aligning? Is this relationship aligning? Is this career opportunity aligning? I think it's also okay if things change, maybe at one point it was, or you're getting some benefit, and I think just being more conscious is the key. Anyways, I hope that this episode helped you guys. It's definitely stuff I'm still integrating, and I try to make these episodes as authentic as they can be. it's still stuff I'm working on. I just feel like I'm finally on the other side, or starting to be on the other side and things are coming to fruition after all these pain points and all this stuff I was struggling with for so long, and I'm finally understanding and integrating these lessons and like why'd had to be this way, so I hope this was helpful. If you guys liked this episode, please comment like, and subscribe, rate it five stars. It really does help me. I want this episode to be able to reach the right people and the more people you share to the more you like it, the more other people will be able to see it and the more people I'll be able to heal. It really does mean a lot to me, and I'll see you guys next time. Okay, bye. Love you.