20. What the Club Taught Me About Men (That Most Women Never Learn)

In this episode of Becoming Sunshine, I’m opening up about the five biggest lessons the club taught me about men, and how those lessons completely changed the way I view dating, relationships, and feminine energy.

After a decade of observing men in their most unfiltered moments, I realized the club isn’t just about money or nightlife, it’s a crash course in human behavior, boundaries, and self-worth. I break down what I’ve learned about how men categorize women, how they spend (and what that really says about them), why they chase feelings more than people, how they test boundaries, and why even the most confident men still want to feel chosen.

Whether you’ve worked in nightlife or not, these insights will help you understand men on a deeper level, set stronger standards, and show up in your feminine energy with confidence, ease, and power.

✨ Topics covered:

• Why men treat different women differently — and how you can shift their perception
• How a man’s spending reveals his priorities, values, and insecurities
• The secret to becoming unforgettable (it’s about how you make him feel)
• How to set boundaries that command respect
• Why the most high-value men want to feel chosen too

🎙️ This episode marks a new era of Becoming Sunshine — shorter, deeper, and straight to the point. Think big-sister energy, real-life wisdom, and soft-girl confidence.

00:31 Lessons from the Club: Real-Life Dynamics

01:36 Understanding Men's Treatment of Women

04:44 Men's Spending Habits Reveal Their True Selves

07:11 The Power of Making Men Feel Valued

09:37 Setting Boundaries with Men

12:17 Men Want to Feel Chosen Too

14:51 Conclusion and Future Episodes

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Transcript

Madeline: 0:00

Welcome to Becoming Sunshine. For those of you that know me, you know that Sunshine has been an alias of mine for almost a decade now, and sunshine also is me becoming my highest self, and that's what this podcast is about. I'm here to help you understand yourself better and maybe learn some more about myself along the way. Thanks so much for joining me. I'm excited.

0:27

Hey friends. Welcome back to Becoming Sunshine. So on my last episode, I was talking about how I wanted to share more of my knowledge about the club and how it's taught me about real life. Honestly, I feel like in a lot of ways the club is the world in it's honest form, just shrunk down on a mini scale. The same dynamics are at play. It's actually very interesting. People always think that working in the club, all it does is teach you how to hustle or scam or whatever. And yeah, it does teach you how to make money and how to hustle and how real life works in that aspect. But the real education, honestly, it's not really about money at all. It's really about men and how you carry yourself and how you interact with them, and just interpersonal relationships in general. I know you guys are mostly probably interested in the part about men as it relates to relationships, et cetera, and so today I wanna share five things that the club taught me about men. And honestly, it's changed the way I see men and relationships, and I don't mean this in a negative way, just very matter of fact. Number one, men treat different women differently. This might sound self-explanatory, but trust me, it's a lot crazier than you would even realize. The same guy will pay one woman 10 K just to have a conversation with her and just hang out with her. Just to drink and party and then he'll try to offer another woman$300 for full service or everything, it's crazy. They view different women differently and pretty much immediately a guy is going to figure out how he would categorize you. But the thing is you have power over this. It's really up to you how they categorize you. It really depends on how you carry yourself and how much respect you have for yourself and the boundaries and standards you have for yourself. They pick up on that and see that, and that's how they're gonna categorize you. So don't take this as a bad thing. Take this as a way to give you autonomy and power. You have full control over how they see you. But trust me, they do see women differently and act and treat them accordingly. Honestly, it's not just about looks either. You could be super hot and it doesn't matter. You could be pretty mid and it doesn't matter. It's really the way you carry yourself and the way you respect yourself. How much respect you have for yourself is how much respect these men are gonna have for you. I promise. Men decide very quickly inside and outside the club what type of woman you are and how much respect they're gonna have for you. Whether you're gonna be the girlfriend, or the wife, or the fantasy, or just for fun. You decide where you wanna be in that. Honestly in the club, it's been very interesting to see that the women that carry themselves a certain way to a certain standard inside the club, those standards transfer over into real life. The values you have in the club are the values you have everywhere. This isn't to talk poorly about anyone, it's just something that I've personally noticed. It's just the way that women carry themselves and what you're willing to put up with in the club. I've noticed that these women are willing to put up with similar things outside the club. For example not all the guys that come into the club are respectful, obviously, and I understand we're all about the bag, but there's just some things that are just not worth it. And having standards and boundaries in the club still matter, i've noticed that the women that don't mind entertaining a guy that's blatantly disrespectful, these are the same women that are in really dysfunctional relationships or in relationships with disrespectful men outside the club. And I don't think that's a coincidence. I think that if you're gonna put up with bullshit in the club, you're gonna put up with bullshit outside the club. And men know that. And a high value man is not gonna be with a woman that doesn't respect herself and doesn't value herself because she's not a prize and he knows that. So take that how you will. Number two, men show you who they are by how they spend. So money's energy, and all money does is amplify what's already there. So whether that's confidence, arrogance, insecurity. Seeing how a guy spends his money will tell you a lot about that man. And there is a big difference between flashy money and quiet money. Wealth whispers, and the guy that is trying to look like he has money or is spending on really flashy stuff. He's masking something baby, he definitely is lacking in probably more than one department, and usually he doesn't have it like he claims he does. Also the type of guy that's gonna spend on bottles and sections and flashy stuff, but then isn't gonna invest in a woman or spend money on a woman or isn't gonna respect a woman's time. He doesn't value women the way he values material things that don't really matter. That's a man that doesn't have a lot of wisdom. That's a man that doesn't have a lot of experience, and that's a man that doesn't really have the lifestyle because you're not trying so hard to look like you have a lifestyle if you have it. They realize that the best investment you can make is in the woman that's next to you, not in a bottle or a car or whatever. Men thrive in relationships and when they have a good woman with them and the men that get it, get it. At the end of the day, it's what men are willing to invest in and you can tell a lot about a man by what they're willing to invest in and what seems important to them. One guy will drop thousands on a girl he just met, and another one won't spend any money and just waste the girl's time. It's the same in real life. Men show you their priorities by how they spend, and I don't just mean money. Time, effort, consistency. If he's not investing in you, he's telling you exactly how he feels too. So whether he feels that way about all women or he just feels that way about you it's pretty obvious. Even at work, there's very subtle things that really aren't that subtle. If I'm talking to a guy and he doesn't immediately offer me a drink or, offer me something for my time, he doesn't value me and that's just men in general. They invest in things that they value. So if they're just wasting your time inside or outside the club, that will tell you a lot about a man and his priorities and what type of man he is. Number three, men crave the feeling more than the person. One thing you need to know if you want a man to be obsessed with you is by understanding how you make him feel. So if you make that man feel like the man he wants to be. You'll have that man forever. He'll be obsessed with you. It doesn't matter what you look like, at the end of the day. Yeah, men are visual, but I've seen mid girls get paid over the baddest looking girl all the time and it's because they make a guy feel some type of way. They make him feel the way he wants to feel about himself and men aren't really paying for me, they're paying for a feeling that I give them, and a lot of times, in rooms or when I'm with a customer, we're just talking. At the end of the day, men wanna feel validated and they wanna feel respected. And a lot of times if they're not getting that at home, they're going to the club for that, whether they realize it or not. And so if you're making a guy feel respected, validated, appreciated he's gonna be amazed by that. Also too, if you make him feel good about himself. Men want to feel wanted and if you need him, he made your night, he helped you out. He whatever, that makes them feel good and they wanna feel good about themselves. Sometimes it is about the fantasy. It is about the escape. It's about the confidence. You are looking up at them like they did so much for you, they helped you, you think they're amazing, that's gonna make them feel amazing about themselves. It's just the rush of being wanted. And that taught me that a lot in dating and attraction too. it often has less to do with who you are on paper and how you make the man feel when he is with you. Does he feel alive? Does he feel young? Does he feel seen? Does he feel respected, making a man feel like he's the king of the world? That's the feeling that they wanna chase. That's the feeling that they're gonna become obsessed with, and that's what's gonna make guys come back to you or stay with you. We have this thing in the club and it's like stroke egos not you know, And it's so true and it works inside and outside the club. I feel like we spend so much time trying to prove ourselves, but the truth is men chase the feeling, not the person. Women are not valued for what they do. They're valued for their energy and who they are and how you make other people feel. That is what feminine energy is. Number four, men test boundaries. Of course. Of course they do. And this kind of goes back to number one, they wanna see how much you respect yourself. And at the end of the day, guys know what they're doing, and so if you let them get away with shit, they're gonna be like, this is a woman that lets me get away with shit. They're not gonna respect you because you don't respect yourself. That's not wifey, that's not queen, that's not Goddess energy and they're gonna treat you as such. They're gonna treat you accordingly. Especially in the club, men will test, they'll try to push the boundaries, see what they can get away with, whatever. But for the most part, honestly, I don't have issues with guys being disrespectful. I'm also very selective about who I choose to spend my time with, and I feel like guys can fill that, like they know better, but also they like to be told no. They like boundaries. They like to know where the line is and most of the time they don't wanna cross it. Unless it's a guy that literally just came in there because he wants to feel control or power and those are predators. And unfortunately, yes, those types of places do attract those types of men. But for the most part it's good, normal, respectful men that just wanna make you happy,'cause if you're happy and you feel good, then they'll feel good. Hello. But the men that respect you the most are the ones you hold the line with. And also too, the men that have spent the most amount of money on me are the men that don't want anything. They're not trying to be aggressive, they're not trying to get anything. They're not trying to sleep with me. They're just literally want my company and my energy and to talk to me and be around me. The guys that spent the most want the least. That's why I have a certain standard for myself in the club and in life. I will not lower that standard, and it's not me being a snob or being stuck up or being entitled or whatever. It's literally just an energy thing and a frequency thing, and also a safety thing because the guy that is trying to negotiate my worth or have me lower my standard. Anytime I ever did do that, I would regret it because that was the guys that are gonna be aggressive. Those are the guys that are gonna try to be nasty. Those are the guys that are gonna be disrespectful. It's never the guy that is okay with paying a certain amount or that sees my worth that's trying to disrespect me. It's always the guys that are being cheap, that are gonna try to get the most for the least. And I don't have time for that. It's just not worth me having a bad day or being traumatized or being stressed. So inside, outside the club, do not ever lower your standards do not come from a scarcity mindset because you're gonna regret it and it's gonna attract people that are quite frankly beneath you and that's how you stay safe. That's how you stay aligned and that's how you stay in abundance. How you carry yourself and the boundaries you set, that sets the tone for the relationship, any relationship with men, any interaction with men. You set the standard, you set the tone, and they will fall in line. And last but not least, men want to be chosen too. This one surprised me the most because yes, men want to chase, but they also wanna feel chosen. And I've actually heard this too, the last guy that I was dating. He even outright said this, he's like, no we want to know that we're wanted, we want to know when a woman likes us, and there's a way to obviously maintain the chase and the allure, but we're not playing games. We're not being hot and cold. Our man knows that we're interested. He knows that we like him. Guys are a lot more sensitive than women actually. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Even the most confident and wealthy guys light up when you give them real, genuine attention or a compliment and not like, oh my God, you're so hot, babe. But complimenting what they do and what they're proud of and what makes them feel good about themselves and what makes them feel accomplished, and also what sets them apart and what makes them different from other men. So pay attention and when you are giving them genuine compliments, pay attention to what they care about themselves. Obviously self-explanatory and yeah, it's being selective. Selective choosing, not chasing, selective choosing. men wanna feel seen, like the balance of I see you but I don't need you, and not I don't need you like I don't need a man.'cause of course we need them. It's nice to have a guy help us or adore us or love us or whatever. But you could walk away, right, at any moment you don't need him, but you appreciate him and you love him, or he's helpful or whatever. You rely on him. Men want to feel like they're making a difference in your life. They wanna feel like they're helping you. They wanna feel like they're doing something for you that you can't do for yourself. And honestly, that's what men should be to you. Why would you pick a man that isn't doing more for you than you're doing for yourself? You should be with a man that is making life easier because life's hard enough. But that's exactly it. Men want to feel like you need them and they're making your life better and that they're helping you out. They want to feel needed and that should be a genuine thing. That's what make men feel magnetic. And honestly, that's what makes women feel powerful too. You wanna feel like you're making a difference, and honestly too, I feel like that's why sometimes men will choose the woman in the club that maybe is not the hottest girl there, but she seems realistic or she seems attainable or someone that would actually go for the guy. Yeah, sometimes it's about the fantasy. But oftentimes, it's about getting a girl or being with a girl that they could actually see themselves with and they could actually have a connection with it's not necessarily with the hottest girl there. So those are five things, and honestly I could go on, but those are things the club taught me about men, and honestly, I love that they go way beyond nightlife, they translate into real life. A lot of the stuff that I have learned about men and just life in general, the skills that I have developed are definitely transferable skills and go way beyond nightlife and can help if you're in that industry, but also with relationships in general, and just understanding men better, maybe understanding why they go there. For women that are very against these types of places. I understand that. I wouldn't want my man going there and not because women there are dirty and most of the time they're not. Most of the time guys are going there for attention or validation. Intimacy, not physical intimacy, really more emotional intimacy. Trust me. Guys most of the time are paying for a conversation, like a connection and just to feel seen. And it's just if they're not getting that at home, they have to get it somewhere. So instead of hating on these women that are just doing their jobs, maybe understand why these men are going there so that they don't have to go there. The club just gave me a front row seat to see things play out in real time. I've seen a lot of men in their worst moments at the club, but I've also met some really amazing men and I've had some really enlightened conversations, and I've met some of the best men through this industry. You really just see it all, and it's men in their rawest, unfiltered form, which isn't always the best thing. But I definitely have learned a lot and if I can share some of my expertise to help y'all, I love that. I definitely wanna do more episodes like this where I dive more into it boundaries and feminine energy and confidence. So if you guys like this episode, there's definitely more to come and this is just the beginning and I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye.